way too real to be wrong

MAYA. ISLE OF THE LOST. Listen up, assholes, because you're only getting the life story spiel once - the name's Maya. Madam Mim's technically my mom but I don't know how because fuck if I share DNA with that crazy ugly old creepy. I grew up without any non-spoiled food or any Wifi and with that weirdo as my mom and I was born angry, so bringing me here now doesn't fix anything. I already hate everything, which means I definitely hate YOU. Good luck trying to good me over or whatever. LIVING IN AURADON 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀 💀

[chloe-moreetz]

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ ZAYA

Zac: Hey, radio personalities still manage to get their faces seen on websites and billboards. Plus then I could go to work shirtless, how cool :-p Nice, nice, I look forward to seeing it.

Zac: Ouch, what did I ever do to you? :(

Zac: Miss Maya... You're not gonna punch me for typing that, are you?

Maya: I guess there's something kinda hot about being able to do whatever you want or wearing whatever you want in the booth without anyone knowing :-P Like, you could be blown by a hot chick and no one would be the wiser.

Maya: You make me hate this place a little less :-P and for that? You must be punished :-P

Maya: I just punched you really really hard on the arm in my brain. I hope you felt that.

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ MAYLANIE

Melanie: Nuh uh, the WiFi dome only has 5 bars, how can it be a 7??? And Trevor is a ten!!!

Melanie: Yeah, like if they could make edible sparkles or sparkle juice that's safe to drink or - you know, all the sparkly things! People use their brains to invent new stuff, though.

Melanie: He's not witching with a b, he's just... adjusting! It's going to be so great once we set Stella up with Earl.

Maya: You really think Trevor's a ten? Have you seen the other boys in the kingdom? You got like the scrawniest one.

Maya: Regular glitter is edible too if you aren't a coward.

Maya: Say bitch. Just type it.

Maya: HA. Earl is sooooo not Stella's type but good luck?

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ GWEN X MAYA

Gwen: Uh huh... I mean, Zoe's been my best friend for as long as I can remember, but Zac's a good one. People used to think we were gonna get married lol

Gwen: It's what they did before phones, I guess, and some people think they're cuter or more sentimental.

Gwen: I'm glad to hear that, nobody wants an idiot like Jafar in charge instead. Sadly, not as much as I wish I was; I'd KILL to have my brother's throne (not literally, don't get ideas) but I guess I'll settle for being royal vizier someday and being the one really calling all the shots behind the scenes. And Amelia? She's going to be Camelot's first official lady knight.

Maya: Weird choice of best friend :-P omm did people not realize how freaking gay you are?

Maya: Phones are better :-P If you wanna delete the whole thing you can but for scrapbooks you have to burn it or something.

Maya: Jafar's fat now :-P If that makes you feel good lol. WHY did you have to add the 'not literally' just as a beautiful plan was taking shape D:< Those are pretty cool things, I guess. Important, too, espcially since this kingdom isn't going to have a queen for once.

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ GRACIE X MAYA

Gracie: Smarter than your average Auradonian :-p

Gracie: Clearly proof you need to come play tourney and see for yourself how good it feels to be rewarded for hitting people with a stick :-p

Gracie: I think it's cow brains or something? I don't know, I didn't say I EAT IT, just that people do.

Maya: I thought you were known for your brawns, not your brains :-P

Maya: Damn you just won't quit

Maya: Maybe next fall. MAYBE. But you'll have graduated so you'll never know mwahaha

Maya: Oh, cow brains isn't that bad at least, it's nasty but it doesn't make you all seem like zombies at least

[madmayamim]

blakeofthejungle :

I make him more fun, have been doing it since we were five. I guess you’ve just gotta see it up close and personal to believe it for yourself. Um, duh?  That’s the ultimate cool rebel thing, to skip prom and just show up for the parties. Although prom can be fun too, if you do it right – you know, in case you wanna reconsider. Nah, they’re usually full sized when they’re outside of their beds, magic’s not really a thing except for like, fitting them all into their tree. People swallow goldfishes at tropical parties, though, they’re kinda the same size?

Was he worse than this before? Because...damn, even if he wasn’t Beast’s son he would’ve been eaten alive on the Isle. Prom just sounds like a quieter and stiffer party, pass. It only looks good if you’ve got a date so you can fuck somewhere in the school and that’snot a thing, but I’m glad there’s no mandates on who can go to prom parties because I’m so there. Have you ever swallowed a goldfish? Because I swallowed a clownfish once and craved death.

[madmayamim]

blakeofthejungle :

Well, then come drink with me and Will; if you’re good enough to hang out with the king and not poison him or something, then everyone else can suck it up and get over themselves. Amelia and I were talking about having a party in Auradon City after prom, you wanna come to that? You can be our guest of honor, I’ll give you a piggy back ride once you’re drunk and hold your feet while you do a kegstand and everything. Yeah, that’ll happen when you’ve got dwarves and fairies and stuff around. 

I’d need a  few drinks if I was standing with you and your boy - no offense, because you seem pretty cool, but I swear I get a headache from his clean-cutness every time I’m near him, I dunno how you handle it. The whole piggy back ride and kegstand offer sounds pretty sweet, but would it be cool to go to a prom after party without showing up to prom? Or is that, like “not allowed” or something, I don’t get all the rules. Weird. Aren’t you guys scared of accidentally swallowing a tiny fairy person that falls into your drink or something? Because, I mean, that’d be hilarious, but it’d probably be a stomach ache for days.

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ GRACIE X MAYA

Gracie: This seems like a trap. No way am I calling any of my teammates hot to you, especially if I end up guessing the wrong one :-p

Gracie: Stealing stuff without getting caught is effort, too, this is just a different sort of effort.

Gracie: Nasty. I think the worst thing they eat here is like, snails and brains.

Maya: Damn :-P I would've denied you guessed the right hot guy even if you did tho so good move

Maya: Stealing stuff is a more *fun* kind of effort. Earning it is...way less of a thrill.

Maya: At least it wasn't human shit, but my mom liked mixing weird potions to try to make us magic and it ended up being, like, part newt blood and part dish water and part guano and just...no thank you. Even the snails here taste good but BRAINS? Yall eat brains?!

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ GWEN X MAYA

Gwen: He's pretty good at thinking for himself; all the Atlantica kids are pretty different.

Gwen: Like... a book where you put in memories and stuff, so you can remember them later.

Gwen: LOL it's not overstepping if you wanna ask me about my girlfriend, no :-p She's fun. She's not like her dad, he's all about stupid rules and she's about wanting to break them and make the world better and like, getting equal opportunities for girls. We're the smart ones, yet men still rule the world, but Amelia's not into settling for that and neither am I.

Maya: The oldest sibling seems like kind of a dick and the youngest seems so...girly. Zac's def the best of the three of them if they are the most diff Auradon has to offer :-P

Maya: Can't u put memories on a phone???? Who needs a book when this phone holds, like, everything?

Maya: Say what you want about villains, but back at the Isle? The women ruled :-P Maleficent was the big bad and everyone knows chicks made the most powerful villains; no one ever stopped you from having something because you were a girl, if you earned it by being scary, you earned it. It's kinda weird to me that Auradon is a utopia but is way weirder about any gender roles than my old home was tbh. What exactly are you guys doing to change that tho?

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ MAYLANIE

Melanie: What's that supposed to mean? My boyfriend is way, way cuter than the WiFi dome is!

Melanie: Because science is always developing and growing just like people are! It's super interesting, maybe? I know I'd be excited if they invented a new kind of sparkly thing, and technology is sort of the same.

Melanie: Why??? What did I do???

Maya: Your boyfriend is like a 4 and the dome is like a 7.

Maya: I think science should put a cap on it. Maybe if they stop giving people everything it'll force some people to use their brains :-P A new kind of sparkly thing?

Maya: I know Stella. And I know you and your boyfriend or, at least, your types, and if you think you're all gonna live happily ever after after months of him bitching, you're fooling yourself.

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ ZAYA

Zac: Sounds like fun airwaves to be tuning into. I'd love to be a radio personality someday, it seems fun, so if you wanna tell me what songs make you wanna die I'll be sure not to play them :-p

Zac: So? Mansplaining is like... not just a man explaining, it means it's a guy being douchey.

Zac: Why don't you tell him? I bet he'd like the feedback lol. Or at least be scared enough to actually take i.

Maya: You have a good voice for that :-P Shame people wouldn't get to see your face but if you promise to keep the death songs off the air it balances out. I'll bring you a list :-P

Maya: Guys are always douchey :-P no offense

Maya: Talking to King Kindness gives me a headache. It's just all white smiles and "thank you"s and "My apologies"s and calling me Miss.

[madmayamim]

blakeofthejungle:

That’s because you’ve gotta challenge them to drinking games and then drink them under the table; if you ask them to play strip drinking games, the clothes come off pretty fast, too. You should try a Neverland party, the fairies get kind of wild and there’s no one coming home to their castle at the end of the night.

Kids are still wary of drinking with a Villain Kid, I guess. Might turn you into a bat or something with some illegal magic or whatever the fuck people are scared of. Or maybe I’m just not a party-kind of gal, which would depress the fuck outta me; nothing at this dumb place has made me as excited as the idea of you all walking around drunk as hell. I went to a Neverland party but left pretty fast, honestly. It was like...some people there were smaller than me. I saw like a tiny person sliding down a normal size person’s abs and just bolted.

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ GRACIE X MAYA

Gracie: Oh yeah? And who’s that? I gotta be prepared when you start distracting one of my teammates.

Gracie: I thought villain kids stole shit to have as trophies. What’s wrong with earning one a different way?

Gracie: What did they make you do on the island?

Maya: You have eyes, you know :-P The one hot one, duh

Maya: Earning isn't as much as stealing, it's like effort and effort is gross

Maya: Dude, you don't wanna know

Maya: Unless you do

Maya: In which case the answer is semi literally eat shit :-P

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ GWEN X MAYA

Gwen: A little more dumb? Lmao that would make Gavin feel better, he’s lazy but I don’t think he’s as dumb as he comes across

Gwen: Uh huh, SO weird :-p and you must hate the weird so much.

Gwen: Not making any ‘life in Auradon’ scrapbooks anytime soon, then? lol

Gwen: Just take the sticker, I won’t tell anyone where you got it. I can keep my mouth shut.

Maya: He's a dude :-P Literally, all dumb.

Maya: Zac's weird is at least not boring. He's better than the wanna-be minions on the Isle, that's all.

Maya: Wtf is a scrapbook?

Maya: You're a good egg.

Maya: Seriously, tho, you're kind of cool. And Zac's only ever had good shit to say about you. Can I ask why ur dating the family of that bitch Arthur then??? Or is that "overstepping"?

Maya: Also if the FG asks, let her know how polite I was, mkay?? We get class credit for asking permission.

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ MAYLANIE

Melanie: Um it’s in the top corner of your phone! Search for the bars and see how many of them are colorful and how many are just a shadow! Or if it has the cute WiFi dome filled in!

Melanie: It’s only slower during big events or when you’re in certain areas that are like underground! Most of the time it’s super good, but I bet they’ll release like, 5Genie soon and it’ll be even more super duper.

Melanie: What? No, no, things are great now! I finally got Trevor and Stella to hang out and we’re totally all going to be best friends soon, I’m really happy!

Maya: The cute WiFi dome? I should've known by looking at your boyfriend but damn you have a weird idea of what cute is.

Maya: Ugh what's evne the point of trying to keep up? Why can't they just make it the best and just cut it off so you don't have to keep updating? It's tiring.

Maya: Dude you're so naive.

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ ZAYA

Zac: ADELE WAS ON THE ISLE OF THE LOST? WHAT THE HECK?

Zac: Why does it gotta be mansplaining? I thought that was just a normal explanation!

Zac: Probably King Will? The bill to have VKs over here was his idea, I’m sure he’s paying the bill for it.

Maya: I mean, I heard the song when I came here :-P and that lyric had me thinking of the dumb voodoo man but we had like three songs on the Isle and Adele would've fit in perfectly because she makes me wanna kill myself.

Maya: Aren't you a man? O:

Maya: Someone should tell him to step it up, then and stop spending all his money on him and his boyfriend :-P

[madmayamim]

TEXT ✉️️ ZAYA

Zac: Hellooooooooooo, it's meeeeeeeee.

Zac: It just means that you don't get charged extra money after you use a certain amount, you can use the internet and stuff as much as you want. Just ask me whenever you're confused, I'm happy to translate.

Maya: I hate that song :-P When she says hellooooo from the other siiiiiiide it makes me think of my old principal lol

Maya: Thanks for mansplaining that :-P

Maya: Who's even paying for my phone plan? The castle? They're hecka cheap in that case.