Derailed @kittycahoots - Tumblr Blog

being married to an elf would suck bc they’d just be like “i wrote a short ballad on the subject of our love. would you like to hear it?” *proceeds to sing for the next 12 hours without pause because that’s what’s considered brief by elf standards* and being married to a dwarf would suck bc they’d be like *spends 36 hours carving a pattern into a single face of a hammer they’re working on because you “can’t rush art” and forgets that you even exist until you’re forced to come down and persuade them to return to the surface to take a nap before they collapse of exhaustion* so you really can’t win

valtsv

you’re too smart to be following me

valtsv

screenshotsofdespair

baked-barbie

I want this on my tombstone

dnd-homebrew5e

When your high leveled character goes unconscious.

cannibalfilmphd-deactivated2023

@chersidamas

theshitpostcalligrapher

man i should use this for hiatus announcements

fluffygif

Studycat

aidashakur

a-liminal-life

“When I started my musical career, I was a maid,” she told the audience. “I used to clean houses. My parents, my mother was a proud janitor. My stepfather, who raised me like his very own, worked at the post office and my father was a trash man — they all wore uniforms. And that’s why I stand here today in my black and white and I wear my uniform to honor them.”

starsona

Yall better not be pretending that Janelle Monae doesn’t fucking exist

catchymemes

thesunryside

Mario Cart stats

glumshoe

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I did have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy.

I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.

reblogging-dragon

Showed my Geologist dad a picture of the obsidian knife you had and he nearly said this exact thing word for word. I can't believe my own father would fall prey to this. Clearly you know thine enemy

glumshoe

I work too closely with geologists not to have a contingency plan for eliminating them.

fkn-ruude

Are you interested in anybody at the moment?

my future self, imma give that bitch the whole goddamn world

1-beadyeyes-deactivated20251104

only time ive ever felt loved was when i was eating a red berry parfait and walking to the library but a girl ran smack into me getting us both covered in berries then she grabbed my hand and said "ill never be sorry enough, but you look so beautiful" and she ran away and i just have to live w this empty hole where my heart lay

1-beadyeyes-deactivated20251104

in that moment i really was ready to do any thing if she had held onto my hand and ran in to traffic i wouldve followed like a lost puppy smeared in red sugar entranced as persephone was to the pomegranate i wouldve died right there with out a second thought and i couldnt even fault her for beguiling me so, in that moment, love was so easy ; it was blameless

carldangerous

Masturbate 👏🏻 that 👏🏻 stress 👏🏻 away 👏🏻

arodomon-deactivated20230518

By Carly Rae Jepsen

Is it too much to ask for someone to call me bro and babygirl?

butterflypeaflowertea

i often forget that the body is not a receptacle. not a vessel in which i reside. it’s ME. like that’s me right there! it isn’t disconnected from my mind or spirit or selfhood because it’s just me. i can no sooner escape it or change it in any drastic way than i can stop being myself. & if i am to be any sort of happy in this life, i need to treat it kindly. cruelty towards one’s body is just cruelty towards one’s self. they are one and the same

libertarirynn-deactivated202006

Not-so-friendly reminder that there is no such thing as an underage woman or non-consensual sex, the words you’re looking for are “child” and “rape”. Way less syllables and way more accurate! Thank you for your time.