Lmao me
@go-go-hachiko
lmao i was like “me” when i first scrolled down on this, then saw your caption <3
I know my sis very well <3
Monterey Bay Aquarium

Love Begins

⁂
tumblr dot com
ojovivo
hello vonnie
Peter Solarz
h
Today's Document
Cosmic Funnies
almost home

tannertan36

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Keni
taylor price

Discoholic 🪩
NASA

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dirt enthusiast
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

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@madnessinthemist
Lmao me
@go-go-hachiko
lmao i was like “me” when i first scrolled down on this, then saw your caption <3
I know my sis very well <3
Geode Dildo
YES MY PEEPS, it’s a dildo shaped like a geode! 💎 Designed and handmade by Number One Laboratory, this stunning dildo also comes in blue and green. Of course, it’s more of a display piece than a stimulating sex toy, since crystals weren’t exactly optimized for insertion. But it’s pretty soft silicone, so it doesn’t feel nearly as scrapey as you might think. (Also, today I learned the name for a cavity in a rock is a “vug.” TOO GOOD.)
Get the Geode Dildo at:
Number One Laboratory
Good Vibes
Babeland
Come As You Are (Canada)
Oh my sweet baby Jesus
THIS is what I’ve waited x years for!!
my hobbies include staying up until 2am for no reason and being exhausted the next day
This is it. This is the most relatable post I’ve seen on the internet ever.
This video has a 74.8% chance of giving you satisfaction
unmute
thoroughly satisfied
this is art
Lmao me
@go-go-hachiko
How old are you?
why, who’s asking
WHAT A BRILLIANT STORY AHAHHA ONLY ON FACEBOOK COULD YOU FIND THIS SHIT AHAHHAHA OMG
When you discover that these two:
Were married in Love Actually
is that more or less shocking than the fact that these two
were married in real life?
You just made my post 200% better.
Wait for it, because in real life:
Cheated on:
With:
Shooting That last movie must have been really awkward
Review of the book Zeus Grants Stupid Wishes by Cody O’Brien.
To sum up this book in a single sentence - “What would happen is Deadpool wrote a mythology book.”
Yeah, this guy-
Wrote a book. Here are some examples of why I think this.
GREEK MYTHOLOGY
The Greek creation myth.
The story of Hephaestus god of Blacksmithing and Aphrodite Goddess of Love.
The story of the Minotaur.
NORSE MYTHOLOGY
Norse creation myth.
Odin orders Loki to steal Freyja’s necklace. He does. This is so in character for both of them Freyja instantly knows who to blame.
EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY
Ra gets mad at humanity and creates Sekhmet Lion Goddess of Killing Stuff.
How Isis retrieves her huband’s coffin from the support pillar it got stuck inside.
MAYAN MYTHOLOGY
How to try and kill the god Zipacna and fail.
CHRISTIANITY MYTHOLOGY
How God made Eve from Adam’s rib.
The story of how King Solomon judges proper maternal instinct.
HINDU MYTHOLOGY
Men ask Shiva to stop Kali’s murder rampage.
And this is how he does it.
JAPANESE MYTHOLOGY
The Goddess Izanami gives birth to the whole island of Japan.
A story about Tanuki.
AFRICAN MYTHOLOGY
Creation myth
SUMERIAN MYTHOLOGY
Creation myth
The Epic of Gilgamesh: Being born
The Epic of Gilgamesh: Meeting his best friend.
NATIVE AMERICAN MYTHOLOGY
Do I really need to explain why I feel the Merc with a mouth was involved in the retelling here?
I have this book. I’ve read it about ten times and I love it.
@systlin
This guy has a whole website
It’s called Better Myths, and it is a GIFT
I need this book!
@infernoking @d20-darling @askkakuro @thefingerfuckingfemalefury @windows-operating-system
“Daedalus, who is a fantastic genius inventor with no sense of right and wrong…”
I lost it at that line :D
I’m still amazed by how many people don’t know what’s going on with Tumblr and don’t know what’s about to happen to a lot of their favorite artists here.
If you like someone’s art; you must follow them somewhere else lest you lose touch forever.
Most artists like me are having their follower count SHREDDED.
To be perfectly transparent: I have 11k followers on this account and most other accounts I have 1k or less.
That’s how many people are choosing NOT to follow artists like myself on other platforms (even SFW platforms) or even on my alt Tumblr that only has 300 of you there.
It’s extremely distressing and depressing for so many of us to have to start from scratch because of a law most all politicians in the U.S. fell for.
Please support adult content creators in this super fucking troubling time.
All of this, really. Be advised I am clearing my archives the next couple days, and if I stay here it will be only to post about critters and link directly to their pages. Follow me on twitter, keep your eyes on the News section of my site. I have a furaffinity under DamnAverage but I don’t update it, and I am waiting on a pillowfort key.
Echoing.
This whole Tumblr thing is really quite upsetting. The vast majority of my shop traffic comes from here, and it doesn’t seem like many peeps are following elsewhere (although to those who have, the biggest of thank you’s; it is so incredibly appreciated!!).
On a more personal note, the death of Tumblr really couldn’t be happening at a worse time; I’ve finally got my printer up and running, semi-know what I’m doing on that front, and am prepping three new models for release in January, February, and March. Finally feeling kind of confident on getting a better model release schedule going, and… I’m so worried no body will know about them. T-T
If I have time I’m going to try to scrub this account of NSFW pics and hopefully keep it up and running for announcements and links to other places.
In the meantime, please consider following on other media. <3
It’s also stressful for me as a follower, since I... don’t have any other social media. I don’t know how to use it and, frankly, never wanted to. This sucks big time! Tumblr is how I found new shops and kept on the up and up, even if I’ve been away for quite some time now.
I come back from a looong hiatus and I’ve never seen so much porn on my dash before
Tumblr you done goofed big time
Our lively Curly captivates with its gentle waves that will let it flow into you, like the tide of the Ocean.
But he´s not alone, because he also comes along with his little friend to ignite clitoral waves of lust.
Curly has a total length of 6,3 inch and a maximum circumference of 8,7 inch. His little friend, the clitoris stimulator, has a length of 2 inch and a circumference of 2,6 inch.
Many thanx to @godsinanalcove for their wonderful input for this toy
www.organotoy.de/Curly/en
Now available
I’ve been away so long and see this in my messages haha it looks awesome
this is literally how i dance
This went from “wow that’s pretty neat” to “WTF ITS ALIVE” real quick
that is some fuckin skill
(via BurkhartAdriana)
I have many favorite things and this is my new one
Okay, so I'm /actually/ about to write a porn fic to AO3, and I'm interested in knowing what the difference is between the M rating and E rating. Able to enlighten me?
Mature is ‘and then they made love.’ Explicit is ‘and here’s how they did it exactly.’
To wit: mature.
He looked at the envelope, spread out before him.
God, he’d never been this hungry.
Could he be gentle enough? Slow enough? He didn’t want to damage it, didn’t want to do anything he’d regret… but no, no, it seemed the envelope wanted this as much as he did. It slipped into his hands, it folded as he asked. When it was time for more, the card was waiting, and he somehow knew exactly what to do. He moved with his correspondence in a dance as old as the mail system, and when it was over, he was smiling and the envelope was completely, thoroughly sealed.
Explicit:
The envelope waved its flap in the air slowly, gently, and he could see the faint shimmer of the adhesive traced along its fold. It was like a taunt, a dare: won’t you? And he would, oh, God, he would, lifting the envelope firmly to his lips, licking slowly at first, then faster, more firmly, tasting the envelope’s essence, the faint bitterness, the sweetness to follow—
Oh, he couldn’t help but smile at how it felt in his hands. It was so perfectly folded. Its paper was rough against his fingers, and its crossed folds shifted slightly as it opened for his eager tongue. Yes, yes…
Now the card, and his hand trembled as he lifted it, as he held the envelope, stretching it wide. Would it fit? Oh… oh, yes, it would fit, it slid in smooth and quick and filled the envelope to bursting, oh, made for each other, and he smiled in delight at how perfect it was.
He was ready. Now, now, now: with one swift movement he folded the flap over and he pressed, yes, he pressed the flap down and it stuck, God, it stuck perfectly, and he closed his eyes in bliss.
Afterwards, he stroked the envelope, and thought about addresses.
omg THIS MADE MY MORNING.
well, this is something I didn’t know i needed till I had it.
“and thought about addresses” oh my
I never thought I’d say this but it’s too early for this level of porn.
MAIL PORN
Does that make this m/m, or
What has been your worst "nice guy" experience?
So, possibly one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. I mean you know how you hear the “women want him, men want to *be* him” stuff in old movies? Well I’m a man and by *god* I wanted to be this guy. Anyway!
I’m having dinner with my girlfriend at the time, and behind us are a couple on a date. It is.. not going well. Guy was being rather creepy and making some pretty inappropriate comments, the girl doesn’t look at all comfortable.
The girl finishes her appetiser really quickly, my guess is she wanted to get it over with. Guy proceeds to comment on it and says “well, least I know you can swallow right?”. Loudly.
Girl goes red and tells him that isn’t appropriate, he literally waves his hand in a “shoo” type motion and says “oh calm down I was going to find out in a few hours anyway”.
I missed her exact reply as she moved to a hushed tone, but it was fairly obvious what was being said - fuck no, fuck off, fuck this. He responded with “sweetheart I picked you up, I know where you live”. She lost the colour in her face and said nothing.
No. No. Fuck no. I’m one of those “get involved” type of people and there is no way I’m sitting here watching this go down. I get up. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m 23, fighting fit and happy to put that motherfucker through a wall. I may have had a slight temper in my youth. But anyway.
I was halfway out of my chair when a hand came down on my shoulder and I look up to this mid-50s but super fit guy who says “Easy.. I’ve got this one son”. Absolute, total confidence in his voice.. so seeing as my current plan amounted to “stab him in the neck” and I’m already thinking maybe that’s not the best idea, I sit down.
He walks over, grabs a nearby chair, flips it around and sits down with the couple. Then.. he pulls out his police ID and puts it on the table. Now the guy doesn’t have any colour in his face.
Cop: “So, I’m quietly celebrating my daughters birthday with my family when I distinctly hear you threaten this young lady, would you care to explain yourself?”
Guy: “I, ah, well, um, you see..”
Cop: “That’s what I thought. Now see, we take a *very* dim view of that kind of thing, so right now I’m deciding if I want to have some of my buddies come pick you up.”
Guy: “oh no well that…”
Cop: “But that would disrupt everyone’s dinner, so how about you hand me your ID, because I wouldn’t want you running off on me, then you go see one of the staff here and settle your bill.. the full bill now, this young lady shouldn’t go hungry on account of your poor behaviour. Or we can go with the first option, I’ll leave it up to you.”
Guy: “No no! That’s perfectly fine!” \*hands over ID, gets up and walks very quickly in the direction of the counter\*
Cop: \*while writing down the guys details\* “Sorry about that miss, I hope I’m not intruding it just seemed like you could use some help. Oh and don’t worry, if you want to pursue this further I’ll have some of the boys pick him up on his way home, we can definitely take this further.”
Girl: “No, thank you so much, I wanted to run out 30 minutes ago but he drove me here”.
Cop: \*shifts from hardarse cop to comforting father figure in about half a second\* “Well I’m here with my daughter, she’s about your age, perhaps you’d like to finish your meal with us? We can run you home afterwards if you’d like, unless you’d prefer to call someone else?”
Girl: “Oh.. that would be really nice.. thankyou so much!”
\*guy returns, so does the hardarse cop\*
Guy: “Uh so, I’ve paid the bill, if I could have my ID back..”.
Cop: “There you go.. now I have your details right here so I *highly* recommend you don’t go near or contact this young lady ever again.”
Guy: “Yes yes of course, I’m so sorry!”
The guy pretty much fled the restaurant, the girl went and sat with the cop and his family and by the time we left they were still sitting around talking and laughing about random crap.
It was hands down the best way I have ever seen anybody handle any situation, ever. That cop is my hero.