Losing my grip, falling into darkness

"I love you Bruder, you're all I have in this world of madness" And RP blog for Otto of Bavaria, the little brother of Ludwig II of Bavaria. If you want to RP just let me know~

[madprinceotto]

Ooc: I’m gonna be Hornig in this.

He awoke by golden sunlight on his face and he could not be angry at it, even if it torn him from sleep and bitter sweet dreams. He could not be angry for it gave him a moment to look at the sleeping man beside him.

No, he could not be...

[madprinceotto]

"Would you order me?" He asked, sweetly as he smiled at his beloved. "Ludwig." He whispered teasingly.

Stretching like a cat he shuffled closer to the body beside him. Wishing to share his warmth. "Did you sleep well?"

[madprinceotto]

Ludwig/Hornig RP

Ooc: I'm gonna be Hornig in this. He awoke by golden sunlight on his face and he could not be angry at it, even if it torn him from sleep and bitter sweet dreams. He could not be angry for it gave him a moment to look at the sleeping man beside him. No, he could not be angry for Ludwig looked so sweet, so careless when he was taken by slumber. "Good morning, my king." He mumbled, running his fingers through black raven hair, party curled partly straight, and he kissed the pale skin carefully.

[madprinceotto]

breathing becomes hard. Life flows away. I’ve heard them say you see your life flash before your eyes. I’ve hold the hands of men who fell before me, and yet it’s more comforting when you’re the one laying in the arms of death. There is no film of your life, only darkness in the corner of your…

[kingludwigii-blog]

There were voices shouting, men running about and giving command to one another and making chaos. It would’ve been unbearable for you on your own, surrounded by such a commotion, but in reality, at this moment, there was only one person who had your attention. Everything else melted away underneath your worry, fear. He was opening his eyes now, and the anxiety made you grip harder on your hold of him, holding him tight. There was a doctor on the way, and a cot being prepared for him, but you needed to be here with him, now. They would stand down for their King.

“Otto…” Your voice trembled in a way you only heard it do when you prayed all alone, or when you whispered precious secrets to your dear cousin, or when you spoke of the fantasies in your mind. “It is I, Ludwig, I am here…do you see me? Hear me?”

[madprinceotto]

"Ludwig?" You ask as fingers ghost over all the bare flesh you can feel. "Is that you brother? Is it true?" It cannot be. Ludwig would never set food on a battlefield. Not his brother the king of hearts and art, he isn't the king of the battle, not the king of blood. That's him. The blood prince. "Ludwig," you breath hard and your eyes open wide. "Tell me why, tell me why you're here?" His voice is a whisper, he needs to hear it, the answer.

[madprinceotto]

König der Herzen Otto I and Ludwig II RP

breathing becomes hard. Life flows away.  I've heard them say you see your life flash before your eyes. I've hold the hands of men who fell before me, and yet it's more comforting when you're the one laying in the arms of death.  There is no film of your life, only darkness in the corner of your sight. Breath. "L-ludwig?" You whisper as arms take a hold of you. Words are being shouted, 'prince' is the only one you can make up out of it. You are doomed, this is where you're going to die.  

[kingludwigii-blog]

It was evening by the time the two princes were freed from their daily schedules. It may have been a holiday, but that was no pardon from their daily routines. However, their guardians understood the occasion at least...

[madprinceotto]

Otto smiled brightly, he enjoyed playing in the snow with Ludwig, he always smiled when they did so. "Of course I wish to join you, Bruder!" He took his brother's arm and pulling it enthusiastic, "can we make snow angles? I love snow angels, don't you?" Babbling on and on about nothing they passed the moments with their parents. "shall we get ready Bruder? First we'll play in the snow and then we'll bake, alright? "

[madprinceotto]

"I'll stay by you, my king"

I was numb. It felt as if I had been out into the cold of a winter’s night high up in the mountains for too long. The feeling in the tips of my fingers had disappeared, if I pressed hard enough I could feel, but never again would I feel the grace of a butterfly touch.  

It didn’t bother me though, after Ludwig’s death I never felt the need for a soft touch. I never was sane enough to wish for one. My fits became worse, dragging me deeper down into my madness every time again. I was a king now, but I would never sit on the throne. Ludwig would have been ashamed. ~0~

At nights like this, when thunder roars in the skies above the castle. When thunder roars inside my mind and the fits come at the most horrible time, when I’m about the fall asleep, I fall inside a black hole inside my body. I lay still, I can feel it but it’s like I’m falling. I’m falling fast, way too fast. Cold air, going even number. There are voices, shouts, colors and it’s all so crowded and full. My senses are about to explode. I want to die. But then, it’s like someone lit a fire. There is a soft glow and a comfortable warmth. Safe is how I feel as my body falls down one something that feels like a soft bed. I’m confused, where am I?

Then I notice that there is no fire, the light gets brighter and it misses the comfortable glow and orange color of flames. It’s white and strangely familiar. Sounds in the distance and yet so close. Sounds that I know and suddenly I feel something gracing my cheek. Like the tip of a wing. I can feel again. “Bruder”  That voice, his voice! I look up and see the person that I wanted to see the most. Ludwig. He looks happy and years younger and for the first time since his childhood Ludwig seems at piece. “Bruder!” He smiles as he takes me into his arms. Ludwig’s embrace still feels the same, still feels loved and safe. It’s like he never left. “Am I dreaming, Ludwig?” I ask him as I burry my face into his crook of his neck. “No Otto, you’re not.” He ruffles my hair and I smile. His presence reminds me of the happy days we’ve had. “Look at you, a true king you are!” “I am not.” I look into the room where we are, sadness written in my eyes. The room is all white, and white swans are laying all around us, sometimes they raise their necks and look at me before spreading their wings and turning back to their sleep.

“You are Otto, believe me.” 

His voice is soft as he whispers into my ear. “You are the king at heart that I never was.” There is a silence as Ludwig holds me close. This is a dream, I know. An image that my fit has created. Perhaps it’s an image that I longed to see the most. Being loved, is something that I missed. Being loved by Ludwig is something that I needed more than anything.    “Everyone still loves you.” I whisper. “Everyone misses you.” “They can miss me, they can still love me in their own way.” Ludwig presses me close again. “But no one shall miss me, nor love me, the same way you can.” “I’m your brother. You where the most important thing in my whole life.”

My voice is raw but it’s the truth. What else am I to say? “I’m…” No, I don’t know what to do. I step back from Ludwig, stumble between the swans who all raise their heads. “I’m so sorry I should not have said….” Ludwig is with me in a second, taking my hands into his own. No words were spoken but I knew what he wanted to say. “I’m sorry for letting our bloodline die.”

We’re standing there, Ludwig holding my hands, surrounded by swans in the white room and for that moment I swore that we were happy. For that moment I swore we were truly at piece. “I will be with you, Otto, I’ll stay by you….” Something white appeared behind Ludwig, wrapping around them. “… I’ll stay by you my king.”

Everything turned white and I could feel Ludwig slipping from me like water through my fingers the memory of my brother left me but his touch was this there. I could still feel his warmth and I could still smell his smell on my clothes and the smile that Ludwig wore in death would forever be engraved into my mind.

If someone had walked into my bedroom that night, they would have seen the single tear that escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek. One single tear shed for my brother and a smile that would linger on my lips for the rest of my days. 

[madprinceotto]

Goodbye, my brother

He was finally with the angels, he had finally gotten his long dreamed of white wings. I should be happy, he had finally learnt how to fly. He had finally let the days of being a bird with a broken wings, bound to stay on the ground looking up at the birds flying above behind him. My Bruder was happy now. But still. I needed him. I needed him like I needed air. He had always been there to keep me sane but now. He was gone, and he would never come back. “Ludwig” I whisper, voice raw from my screaming. “Ludwig no” There are no words that I have to describe how I feel. Ludwig had always been the artistic one he had always been good with words while I had been better with a sword in my hands. “NO!” I scream. Holding on to his lifeless body. “NO!” My tears get mixed up with the rain as I press him close. He’s still soaked as I kiss his forehead in the same way he used to kiss mine when I was younger, and in the same way as he used to do whenever I had a fit.

My voice is still raw as I start to sing the lullaby that our mother used to sing to us when we were younger. I can’t really sing and he knows that, or at least, knew.

I want him to hear my voice, I want him to hear me sing for him. I want him to know that I’ll never forget him.

“Guten Abend, gute Nacht, Von Englein bewacht Die zeigen im Traum, dir Christkindleins Baum Schlaf nun selig und suess, Schau im Traum's Paradies

Schlaf nun selig und suess, Schau im Traum's Paradies”

“Sleep well, my brother” I whisper one last time before I let him fly away from me, for good. 

[kingludwigii-blog]

Weihnachten [Teen!Ludwig and Kid!Otto]

It was evening by the time the two princes were freed from their daily schedules. It may have been a holiday, but that was no pardon from their daily routines. However, their guardians understood the occasion at least a bit, and they were allowed to finish their days early. After all their studies and other duties had been completed, the two princes were taken to their mother, and their father would also be joining on this rare occasion. Ludwig, by first thought, was not looking forward to the reunion, yet…there was a small part, inside, that held a little hope. Perhaps it could go well this time. Just for once.

“Come, Your Highness.” The nanny of the Crown Prince led the boy through the castle to gather his younger brother from his own quarters before taking them both along to the Queen Mother and King.

[madprinceotto]

Otto had been in his quarters ever since he and his brother had finished their tasks and studies. He was laying on his bed, reading a book that his tutor had given him, it was a fairytale book, the type of book that his parents didn’t want him, nor his brother, to read. they said that it was poison to their minds but Otto enjoyed the stories of strong princes who saved always gorgeous looking damsels in distress.  He was laying on his stomach, kicking his legs. He knew that the nanny would be mad at him for laying on his bed with his shoes on but he still did it, because he wasn’t afraid of the nanny and her punishments. He was a prince and he could do whatever he wanted! When he heard the nanny and his brother coming he quickly hid the fairytale book under his pillow and jumped of his bed. Otto actually didn’t want to go to his parents. He didn’t like being with them they always acted so cold, besides Ludwig always acted strangely around them. “BRUDER!” Otto smiled brightly when he saw his brother standing behind the nanny when she opened the door. Ludwig only nodded and a pout appeared on the nanny’s lips. “your highness! A young prince like yourself should not act like that, not even towards his own brother!” She took his hand and dragged him out of his quarters. Not noticing how Otto stuck out his tongue to her.  Ludwig gave him a warning glance. Otto knew that his brother always acted like this during the day, it started around two years ago. Their old nanny said it had something to do with him growing up and Otto being younger and not yet reaching that phase so he could not understand it.  He had liked that nanny, it was a shame his father kicked her out.  “The king and queen have high expectations of you both your highnesses.” nanny said while dragging them through the hall. Ludwig was able to keep up with her because of his longer legs, Otto on the other hand, was not.  “We are perfectly aware of that, nanny.” Ludwig spoke the last word with a sneer, he hated the women who took care of them. “We are princes, we know how to behave.” Otto looked at Ludwig. His brother had changed a lot, when he was younger he used to smile and play with him a lot, but now. The smile had become a frown and he never took the time to play with him. Otto missed it, but he knew that Ludwig had other, more important things to do now.  Nanny took them until the door of the dining room. There she gave them one last preach about how their father the king had high expectations and how they needed to behave and not let their parents down.  It was annoying and Otto could see Ludwig turning angrier and angrier by the minute. When she finally left Otto looked at his brother. “Bruder, do you fear father?” He asked softly. Because he did, he feared their father, he feared him a lot.

[kingludwigii-blog]

Ludwig quickly turned his head away from the nanny as she walked away from them, not bothering to spare her a glance as she exited. She was ugly, anyway. Otto’s sudden question had caught the Crown Prince off guard, causing him to turn quickly to look at his brother with a slightly surprised expression. Otto was younger, and didn’t understand half of the thing he should have as a prince, so Ludwig was only partially surprised by how blunt the question was.

“…No,” he said, his voice firm. He looked Otto straight in the eyes, his eyebrows furrowed slightly and lips pressed tightly together. “It is beneath me to fear him. I am to be King. I shall be the one in his place one day. A King fears no one, nor does a Prince. You must not fear him, Bruder, do you understand me? Never show him fear. You are a Prince.” 

Of course it was a lie. At least, the first part was. It was lowly of him, but that didn’t make him fear their father any less, if he could hardly be called such a thing. He was His Majesty the King, not…father. He had to lie, anyway, to protect Otto. If not he, then who else would teach him these things? He would end up cowering away from him, which was not something a Prince should do because of anyone, ever. Otto had to learn his position, which was too high for childish behaviour. 

Without waiting for a response from his brother, Ludwig walked into the next room, which was decorated elaborately for the Christmas occasion, complete with a large tree that sparkled even in the light with its decoration. The King and Queen Mother stood across the room beside the tree. The King was speaking with someone for the moment, but whoever it was glanced over along with the King, who merely nodded in greeting to the two princes. Their mother however smiled and opened her arms to the two boys, stepping toward them.

[madprinceotto]

Otto smiled brightly when his mother opened her arms for him and his brother. He tried not to look at his father as he ran towards her and jumped into her arms.  “Mutter!” he laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist. Never wanting to let go again. “Mutter can we bake something later today?” He looked over his shoulder to Ludwig.  “Do you want to bake something with me Ludwig? You still like baking right? We could bring some to the guards and eat it with them!”  Otto was still holding his mother and he, because he still possessed his childish innocence, did not notice the slight change that took place in the room. Ludwig froze, so did his mother.  “Can we Mutter, Ludwig?”

[kingludwigii-blog]

Weihnachten [Teen!Ludwig and Kid!Otto]

It was evening by the time the two princes were freed from their daily schedules. It may have been a holiday, but that was no pardon from their daily routines. However, their guardians understood the occasion at least a bit, and they were allowed to finish their days early. After all their studies and other duties had been completed, the two princes were taken to their mother, and their father would also be joining on this rare occasion. Ludwig, by first thought, was not looking forward to the reunion, yet…there was a small part, inside, that held a little hope. Perhaps it could go well this time. Just for once.

“Come, Your Highness.” The nanny of the Crown Prince led the boy through the castle to gather his younger brother from his own quarters before taking them both along to the Queen Mother and King.

[madprinceotto]

Otto had been in his quarters ever since he and his brother had finished their tasks and studies. He was laying on his bed, reading a book that his tutor had given him, it was a fairytale book, the type of book that his parents didn't want him, nor his brother, to read. they said that it was poison to their minds but Otto enjoyed the stories of strong princes who saved always gorgeous looking damsels in distress.  He was laying on his stomach, kicking his legs. He knew that the nanny would be mad at him for laying on his bed with his shoes on but he still did it, because he wasn't afraid of the nanny and her punishments. He was a prince and he could do whatever he wanted! When he heard the nanny and his brother coming he quickly hid the fairytale book under his pillow and jumped of his bed. Otto actually didn't want to go to his parents. He didn't like being with them they always acted so cold, besides Ludwig always acted strangely around them. "BRUDER!" Otto smiled brightly when he saw his brother standing behind the nanny when she opened the door. Ludwig only nodded and a pout appeared on the nanny's lips. "your highness! A young prince like yourself should not act like that, not even towards his own brother!" She took his hand and dragged him out of his quarters. Not noticing how Otto stuck out his tongue to her.  Ludwig gave him a warning glance. Otto knew that his brother always acted like this during the day, it started around two years ago. Their old nanny said it had something to do with him growing up and Otto being younger and not yet reaching that phase so he could not understand it.  He had liked that nanny, it was a shame his father kicked her out.  "The king and queen have high expectations of you both your highnesses." nanny said while dragging them through the hall. Ludwig was able to keep up with her because of his longer legs, Otto on the other hand, was not.  "We are perfectly aware of that, nanny." Ludwig spoke the last word with a sneer, he hated the women who took care of them. "We are princes, we know how to behave." Otto looked at Ludwig. His brother had changed a lot, when he was younger he used to smile and play with him a lot, but now. The smile had become a frown and he never took the time to play with him. Otto missed it, but he knew that Ludwig had other, more important things to do now.  Nanny took them until the door of the dining room. There she gave them one last preach about how their father the king had high expectations and how they needed to behave and not let their parents down.  It was annoying and Otto could see Ludwig turning angrier and angrier by the minute. When she finally left Otto looked at his brother. "Bruder, do you fear father?" He asked softly. Because he did, he feared their father, he feared him a lot.

[madprinceotto]

I took a walk in my troubled mind.  Looked around, Not liking what I saw. I reinvented, Repainted the walls. In darker colours then ever before, Lit a couple of candles, But stayed out of their light, changed everything, For one person, For the only person that cares. He's proud I can see, He thinks I'm better, I'm not, But I'm glad that he at least thinks I am. Because I'm doing it for him, My dearest Bruder.  

[madprinceotto]

Choose your last words, This is the last time Cause you and I We were born to die