[magandaislands]

Dear Dad,

I have a confession: the thing that scares me the most right now is silence because thats when you come to me. 

Being in a foreign place right now, by myself and away from what is familiar has made me realize how scary the silences are. The silences experienced in those few minutes before I fall asleep and I don’t have the distraction of people and their small to talk to keep my mind from wandering. Or those silences where I’m alone in the car and there is nothing good on the radio. And the thing that makes these silences so scary are the thoughts that come with it. The thoughts of you. The thoughts I have that make me feel guilty for not being around. The thoughts I have that make me realize how in denial I was. The thoughts I had that somehow the end would never near. The thoughts of hope that were useless because now you’re gone and I’m left behind thinking about how this happened. How you left. And how I just want to blame you. Blame you for not being around. Blame you for making me fear ‘quiet’. Something that you so often lavished in and have now taken from me. I’m angry because I didn’t ask for this to happen. And I’m angry because you are not around to tell me how stupid I’m being and that I need to smarten up. And now its 5am and I feel like the silence is never ending. I can only wait for the sun to rise. To wake the people sleeping soundly upstairs so I can go on with my distractions. The guilt and the denial hurt. And its these damn silences that make me want to scream. 

Its 5am and the sun couldn’t rise any faster.

[magandaislands]

Farewell

The first time I had to go to school and wasn’t greeted with “How was your day, Chrissy?” The first time I slept in my bed, knowing you wouldn’t wake me in the morning. The first time I stood in front of my church to do a sermon, and you weren’t there to express how proud you were. The first time we had birthday dinners as a family of 3. The first time I had a dream about you, but couldn’t tell you about it. The first Christmas spent without you. And soon, starting a new year without you. Its been hard going through all these firsts. And I know 2016 will hold some firsts as well, as will the rest of my life as I experience milestones without your presence. 

I think about you all the time. And I don’t know if the distraction of family and friends are helping or making things worse. I imagine what you would think about us staying with Aunt Jo. I imagine what you would say about the conversations that we have. I think about how much you would have enjoyed the views in Vegas, and how it wasn’t the same with out you. I think about you before I fall asleep, thinking if you will visit me in my dreams again. I thought about you when my aunt asked if I had a boyfriend and how you would have rolled your eyes at my answer. There’s so much that I want to tell you. I miss telling you stories about school and how you’d smile and listen so intently as I babbled on. You’ve raised a good little girl and I am stronger for what i’ve been through. More compassionate. I pray that I will hear your voice again soon and that we’ll be able to run to each and embrace. I don’t promise that 2016 will be a better year but its the hope that I will see you again that drives me. I’m ready to say goodbye to 2015 and prepared to brave the new year. 

Farewell 2015, you took something very important to me but I will carry his memories with me into the new year. 

The first time I say goodbye.

[live-in-serendipity-blog]

[thearticsoul]

An Original Quick Watercolor Work. #130

Edited from my 2013 Halloween Promo. Check out The ARTic SOUL for more original artworks.

[wildsunshine]

society6.com/product/not-all-those-who-wander-ii_print

[bratty-z-deactivated20150701]

If you don’t think tinikling is cool, then get out my face

[magandaislands]

The most intense tinikling I have ever seen! 

[ace-anonymous]

[lovequotesrus]

Everything you love is here

[magandaislands]

me: wow i have so much work to do

me: *goes on tumblr*

me: *watches a movie*

me: *reads a novel*

me: *takes a nap*

me: *climbs a mountain*

me: *backpacks through europe*

me: why am i not getting anything done

[studentlifenetwork]

Canada’s Luckiest Student 3 has officially launched. Since it’s the third time around, we’re starting with three awesome prizes that will have one Canadian student thanking their lucky stars.  Check them out: http://canadasluckieststudent.com . Prizes are coming fast and furious, so keep an eye on your inbox. As always, it’s the prize that just keeps getting better.

[magandaislands]

I just want to impress one of the most important men in my life! :)

[quotes-and-giffss]

[yanilavigne]

MORE OF FUNNIEST-FACTS are coming here

[ultrafacts]

For more posts like this, follow the Ultrafacts Blog!

[observando]

Life is like a novel. It’s filled with suspense. You have no idea what is going to happen until you turn the page.

Sidney Sheldon (via observando)

[magandaislands]

Hear My Prayer

The silence around the dinner table seemed to last forever. No one wanted to speak. I didn't want to ask. All it was, was one sentence and there was nothing more to say.

     "How long?"

      "Well, it's usually 3 years after diagnosis, but your father's condition has been progressing faster then anticipated, so time is very valuable right now."

My lip started to quiver and the lump in my throat pained me so much that I stood up and walked away. The next couple years is going to be hard and it saddens me to think that I may walk down the aisle alone or that my children won't grow up knowing this great man. I remember praying last night for the first time in a long time, for good health and good news. My heart aches to think that these prayers were said too late. Maybe God didn't get them, maybe God didn't hear me soon enough to answer it. I know it's not my fault, but I just wish I could do something. Now my prayers have changed. I pray for time to go slow and memories to last forever. I pray that the pain and heartaches succumb to the happiness and love felt in this family. 

"Stay positive, make him proud. That's all he wants."

[quyne-daectivated]

[magandaislands]

I'd watch this!

[psych2go]

Once a group of 500 people were attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each person a balloon. Each person was then asked to write their name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room. The people were then let into that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written on it within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos. At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon. Then, the speaker asked each person to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. Within minutes everyone had their own balloon. The speaker then began, “This is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is. Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness. And this is the purpose of human life…the pursuit of happiness.”

[sussurros-da-noite]

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