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@magpiesmiscellany
Hes been up to no good all day
Last night I was talking to my boyfriend, and I couldn’t think of the word ‘library’, so I said ‘book ranch’. He thought it was hilarious and started making up alternative names for ‘librarian’.
“Cowbook! Like cowboy! No…Readcher? Like Rancher? No, fuck this is hard…”
and just now I heard him yell “BOOKAROO” from the other end of the apartment in the most triumphant tone of voice i’ve ever heard
“Howdy, pardner. Name’s Tex. Biblio Tex.”
Certified Library Post
In 2018, Pastor Dave Barnhart of the Saint Junia United Methodist Church in Birmingham, Alabama posted this message to Facebook:
“The unborn” are a convenient group of people to advocate for. They never make demands of you; they are morally uncomplicated, unlike the incarcerated, addicted, or the chronically poor; they don’t resent your condescension or complain that you are not politically correct; unlike widows, they don’t ask you to question patriarchy; unlike orphans, they don’t need money, education, or childcare; unlike aliens, they don’t bring all that racial, cultural, and religious baggage that you dislike; they allow you to feel good about yourself without any work at creating or maintaining relationships; and when they are born, you can forget about them, because they cease to be unborn. It’s almost as if, by being born, they have died to you. You can love the unborn and advocate for them without substantially challenging your own wealth, power, or privilege, without re-imagining social structures, apologizing, or making reparations to anyone. They are, in short, the perfect people to love if you want to claim you love Jesus but actually dislike people who breathe.
"well youve had it 6 years that's a good amount of time for that kind of thing to work"
"you should be grateful you got 3 years of use out of that thing, I'm lucky if mine last a year haha"
listen, in 1977 nasa launched the voyager spacecrafts to take advantage of a planetary alignment that takes place every 175 years. These 2 crafts were planned to flyby the outer planets of our solar system and gather data on them to send back to us. Voyager 2 launched first on the 20th of August despite its name because it was planned to reach our gas giants after its counterpart voyager 1, which launched a little later on the 5th of September.
The voyager mission was planned to end 12 years later in 1989. In that time, voyager 1 and 2 passed by Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. They discovered new moons, confirmed theories about Saturn's rings, found the first active volcanoes found outside the earth, and they take close-up images of planets only seen at that point from telescopes.
On the 25th of August 1989, voyager 2 encounters Neptune, the last planet in our solar system the voyagers will meet. And that was that. End of mission. Now obsolete.
~
Less than 1 year later on valentine's day in 1990 voyager 1 looked back on the planet that had built it and sent with it a world's worth of hopes and dreams and took a picture. We called it the solar system family portrait and in it, we see ourselves. The pale blue dot nestled in the darkness of space
And then commands were sent to shut down their cameras. Preserve fuel.
35 years after launch, in 2012 voyager 1 sent back to us data about interstellar space. The very first manmade object to enter it.
41 years after launch voyager 2 did the same. Still operational, still going. Still sending back to us invaluable data, teaching us about our own solar system and the suns influence in our local bubble of space.
They are expected to continue to operate until the year 2025 - almost 50 whole years after they were launched and 36 years after their mission was supposed to have ended.
48 years of harsh space travel, battered by solar winds, pulled by gravity but fast enough just to escape, pelted by who knows how much space dust and radiation.
And even after that, they still have a purpose. Each craft was given a golden record. A disc filled with human knowledge and knowledge of humans and the planet they live on. Greetings and well-wishes to any prospective extraterrestrial life that could potentially pick it up. Co-ordinates, an invite. Samples of our music, the things we love, sounds of the earth, a story of our world. The surf, the wind, birds and whales, images of a mother, our moon, a sunset. Long after the voyager spacecrafts go dark, probably long after we are gone, they will still be doing their job; educating a species about our very tiny corner of the galaxy.
They are nasa's longest-running operation.
And it was all done using 70s technology.
So excuse me if I want a phone that lasts more than 2 years or a vacuum cleaner that doesn't break down after 6, or god fucking forbid, a refrigerator that will keep my food cold my entire fucking lifetime.
This post more eloquently described my frustrations with enshittuficstion and planned obsolescence more than I ever could, BUT
When I was a kid, I lived in a house that my mom bought in the late 90s, which was built sometime in the 70s. It came with a puke green washer and dryer set that was as old as the house.
We lived in that house for 10 years, and as much as it was an assault on the eyes, that fucking washer and dryer kept going strong the entire time we lived there. Those motherfuckers STILL worked like new when we sold the house, and they were AT LEAST 30 years old at that point.
And sure, they probably weren’t the most energy efficient things in the world by modern standards, but in my adult life I, and everyone I know, has not had a washer and dryer set last more than 3-5 years. My grandma has gone through 3 fucking fridges in as many years because they keep FUCKING breaking within the first year. There is no goddamn way the amount of waste generated from appliances constantly breaking is any less detrimental to the planet than appliances that used a little more energy, but went 30 years without breaking
And don’t get me started on electronics. My hand-me-down fatty PS2 from 2001 still works. The fact that electronics in 2025 die after 2 years is absolutely unacceptable.
Marigold, my 1911 sewing machine. Needs a couple tune ups, but it works just fine. Nothing built by a corporation these days will last as long as this, not even anything made by Singer.
My toaster is approximately 100 years old. Still works.
Beautiful 1920's electric flap toaster I got at an estate sale for 10 bucks, and sure it's looking pretty rough. One of the little bakelite handles is missing, the chrome plating is flaking off in some spots, and the mica sheets that the elements are wrapped around have warped resulting in a rather uneven toasting job, but it still toasts after an entire century.
This wouldn't even be expensive or complicated to manufacture, look at it! It's just flat metal sheets with the edges bent in! A slightly more modern popup toaster is perhaps a bit more complicated, but it's just a little springy mechanism so it can't be that bad. A toaster is such a simple thing with so few points of failure. Plenty of popup toasters from the 40s and 50s are still going strong, so if your toaster dies after 3 years it's because it was made to.
Yes there is almost certainly asbestos in the cord, which is one of the things I don't like about vintage appliances, but it can't get me because the outer braided layer is definitely not asbestos and it's still perfectly intact. I did a burn test on one of the protruding brown fibres and I think it's rayon. But anyways the point here is humanity very much has the technology to make extremely long lasting toasters.
My food processor, mixer, and slow cooker are all 1970's and have been used a lot and they still work perfectly. I waited specifically for all these appliances to come along at estate sales and such, instead of buying newer ones, because I trust them to last way longer than anything built today!
I also love my decade old i-pod shuffle which still works even though I've dropped it on the floor multiple times. It was with extreme resentment that I bought a new charging cord for my laptop a year or so ago, after the rubber had disintegrated off a large section of the old one. I know you made it do that on purpose, apple! I have rubber covered wires five times as old that haven't done that!!
As for sewing machines, my oldest one is from around 1885, and it's been used so much that the lacquer, the decals, and a bit of paint have worn off the bed of the machine just from all the fabric that's passed over it.
It saw about 90-ish years of frequent use and then another 50 of sitting in storage, and it needed a lot of cleaning but it still works!
It is just a basic straight stitch machine, but you can have equally hardy metal machines that have backstitch and drop feed (like the 40s Bernina treadle I was recently given) and it's also perfectly possible to have zig zag and buttonholes and a variety of fancy stitches on a purely mechanical machine. There is NO reason for a sewing machine to be computerized unless it's an embroidery machine, it's just more parts that can and will break.
i don't know if i can have this reminder repeat in a meaningfully effective way on this blog, but
are you partway through doing something and you forgot? perhaps the laundry or some other timed event?
if not, that's fine, sorry to bother
if so, you may wanna go do that
A perfectly natural heterosexual black swan couple raising their cute fluffy babies together as God intended <3
SIKE
THEY'RE GAY
And they're not some rare exception to the rule, either!!!
About 25% of black swan couples consist of two swans of the same sex (typically, two males).
These couples will court each other, build a nest, and raise their young together in a more-or-less committed monogamous relationship.
In fact, these same-sex couples have a high success rate of 80% when raising their young to adulthood, as opposed to the 30% of their heterosexual counterparts! Two big buff papa swans are better than one when it comes to stomping on invaders of nesting territory.
"But," I hear you say, "where do their baby floofballs come from? Does mpreg exist among black swans?"
Alas, no, but there is a very elegant solution to this. The swan couple may simply temporarily associate themselves with a female swan.
Afterwards, the female swan deposits their eggs and swims off free to live her single girlie life if she wishes (or, find a boyfriend. Preferably one who isn't already committed to another boyfriend.)
So whenever someone commits the naturalistic fallacy "homosexuality bad because unnatural >:(" I like to point out not only their glaring illogicality, but also, respectfully, there is homosexuality happening in the local lake right now.
This concludes my Ted Talk on gay swans.
WHAT is this shape boy
1-800-THE-SHAPE
If I was slightly better at archery and slightly less afraid of intestinal parasites, Charlie would have been a really excellent hunting dog.
He's a Mdium-sized Rez Dog which is to say he's mostly sighthound and pointer but he's a perfectly classically shaped hunting dog. He looks like he modeled the dogs on grecian pottery or hopped out of one of those 1700's paintings of stags at bay that would hang in the smoking rooms of the guys that funded the pillaging of the Americas but I digress. Sometimes I feel bad that I can't indulge him in what he was bred to do, because he loves scent-tracking and flushing geese and he damn near got me arrested in Grand Teton National park after he chewed through his leash and went haring off after a pronghorn antelope for half a mile at roughly mach fuck before the damn thing finally crossed a river and I was able to grab Charlie because he doesn't like getting his feetsies wet.
But today, we were on a walk in the local open space on a moderately muddy trail with fresh horse tracks in it. As in, we parked next to the horse trailer. The horse itself is actually perfecty visible about half a mile ahead of us.
But Charlie saw the tracks and went "I'm gonna scent-track this shit. I'm gonna hunt this motherfucking ungulate down by smell alone. I am truly the Nimrod of Dogs."
Full Instinct takeover happens. Head down, nose to the ground, pulling on his martingale hard enough that I could have hooked him up to a sled, stopping and dramatically pointing at road apples and bits of nibbled grass until I acknowledge that he has Identified An Article. He is having a GREAT time doing this, so I'm just there, looking at the horse that we are slowly catching up to and going. "Yeah! You got it! Good Job!"
But I'm also walking Herschel, who is a Corgi and he loves Activities, so he sees his big brother doing this and goes "OH BOY! AN ACTIVITY!!" and is trying his darndest to copy what Charlie's doing. Except he doesn't have a damn clue what is happening so he's slapping his livestock-bullying instincts on these horse tracks as hard as he can and just. Barking at horse shit to alert me to it's existence. Stalk-posing at the gras Charlie is pointing at, in case it jumps up and tries to run off. I think he thought perhaps they were herding an Invisible Cow and BY GOD it wasn't gonna run lose on his watch. Wherever it was.
Eventually, we get to about 100 feet behind the horse, which is an older Pinto out for a nice stroll and some fresh air and at this distance, Charlie decides that we're probably close enough for my dumb, relatively sensorily deprived human ass to see the horse, but just to make sure, he POINTS.
He's so fucking good at pointing. Perfectly still. Perfectly straight back and tail. Head up and ears forward. Front paw up and at the ready. Little diamond shape of back hackles up in excitement. Determined, unblinking lazer-eyed stare at the target. He looks like a very carnivorous hood ornament, the distilled essence of Hunting Dog, in a perfect scuptural pose. It's downright artistic. Inspiring even
Herschel is DELIGHTED, because he might not understand scent-tracking but he DID learn how to Point from Charlie and copies his pose exactly.
It has almost exactly the opposite emotional effect.
A Pointing Corgi is the most canine clownshoes nonsense possible. Herschel's pose is flawless of course, he learned from the Master, but the perfectly straight back looks funny as hell with a perfectly straight nub of a tail. His head is up and his gaze is locked but instead of predatory intent his face is EXTREMELY excited about this new Giant Friend and thier giant ankles he can barely wait to launch himself at and his face is about 80% Big Dumb Corgi Grin. Instead of Charlie's minute, even delicate hackles, Herschel has a full-body length doggy mowhawk, which is a good three inches long at the peaks over his shoulders and hips, ruining the sleek image and making him look like he just came out of the dryer and is still full of static electricity.
And, of course.
The Paw.
The Front Paw is up and at the ready- he and Charlie are both right-pawed apparently- and on his little stubby Corgi legs it looks like a toddler trying to use a smartphone. He thinks he's doing exactly what the Big Dogs do, but he only has these tiny feets.
Anyway, that's how they made a Jogger laugh so hard she ran into a garbage can.
@inkytrinket-irii @devious-deeds-indeed OH MY GOD THIS IS HILARIOUS
YOU CANT JUST SAY THIS SHIT AND THEN NOT PROVIDE PHOTOS
See the tricky part is that I have to walk two dogs at the same time, and have only the two hands with which to hold the leashes, which makes live photography difficult, but perhaps you can enjoy this artistic rendering of the situation:
(also if you wanted to toss a tip my way or pre-order the Family Lore book on Patreon that will help me purchase more toys for these clowns)
I compressed and minified a Gryphon. Marvel at how tiny it is! (Around the size of a corgi)
We need to standardize clothing sizes. This is fucking stupid. Pass a federal law or something. I’m sick of this shit.
Oh yeah, in between caring for my parents I have made some things. Stabbing something many many times is bad for my hands but good for my brain.
In other news, I made my father iced coffee and he thought I was trying to poison him.
Migraine day 6 and there are people setting off fireworks what feels like in time to my heartbeat. Trying to distract myself.
take in a deep breath.
now breathe out.
feel the fucking nonsense float away.
take full, deep breaths.
breathe in stength...
breathe out bullshit.
allow your breathing to find its own natural, unhurried pace.
with each breath, feel your body saying:
fuck that
(full Fuck That meditation here)
#how long have we been holding on to this one?
I held onto this for six whole months. It was soooo hard waiting.
Links to my free sewing patterns! - big manta ray - smaller manta ray - monster friend (those monsters with horns I’ve been making lately, but without horns) - pie slice - Fred, the Fish of Minimal Effort - tiny cat (aka Jiji) - mini mothman - whale shark/donut whale shark - juggling frog/toad (aka my smallest, simplest frog pattern of the three I’ve made) - large frog - tiny hedgehog - minecraft bee - minecraft zombie - blorbo - Strawberry Hearts quilt pattern - starfish - little octopus - canvas tote (wider than it is tall) - canvas tote (taller than it is wide, more of a grocery bag) - basic bat and ghost - mini mushroom friends - whale - hammerhead shark - simple seal Tutorials: - flannel baby blanket tutorial - onigiri bag tutorial - tomato pattern design walkthrough (how I design the pattern, not a link to the pattern itself)
Free pattern post, now updated with a link to the seal pattern! If it’s been a while since this reblog when you read this, it’s worth clicking through to the original post, I will update it whenever I share a new sewing pattern