“Did you just interrupt Hades to arrest me?”
“Hi, Nice to meet you. Let’s go steal a moon.”
“Look, a Gyro Stand!”
“Scariest thing is you called it. Three hits and he’s down.”
“I’ve never seen somebody fail so hard that it looped back around to epic success.”
“What do you mean ‘Anubis declared me his BFF?’”
“Did the Pope’s brain just bless our endeavor?”
“Like him or hate him, that was still one hell of a shot.”
“He couldn’t even die without doing it dramatically.”
“It seemed dramatically appropriate.”
“I just saw an angel bodyslam a viking with a pirate ship while an ancient dragon watched.”
“And thus, the cover of a heavy metal album was born.”
“That guy was supposed to be your nemesis.”
“Holy reanimated velociraptors, Batman!”
“It seems that even a submarine sandwich is a lethal weapon in your hands.”
“The great Circe demands a boon. She wants the whole collection of Scrubs on Blu-ray.”
“Oooiiil Caaan…”
“Hand me your dice, you’re clearly cheating.”
“How are you still rolling so high?”
“Did you marry the dice gods?”
“You just stabbed him so hard his whole army exploded.”
“It’s not every day a Sasquatch asks me to save a child from being petrified.”
“Great. Stuck in Boston during the molasses flood.”
“Why is this the second time a bar has exploded as soon as we walk in?”
“Just sign the contract of friendship and this will all be over.”
“Physics are for people who can’t be magical girls.”
“You’re surrounded by magical girls and giant robots. This won’t end well.”
“Ow. Just cut out my heart, why don’t you?”
“What kind of guy modifies a lute to turn it into a crossbow?”
“I’m going to crash my airship into that dinosaur’s chest!”
“I cast Create Food on the floor! Three yards of Cotton Candy!”
“It has been nothing short of a pleasure, stabbing you in the back!”
“Bottles marked ‘Drink Me’ rarely have good things come from them.”
“Why is there a rhinoceros in the space base?”
“How do you manage to set off every trap, and still survive?”
“Why is there a lighthouse in the middle of the desert?”
“On the bright side, now the enemy won’t get our ship.”
“He waited until the refugees were in another galaxy before sending a hit squad? What an ass.”
“Ok, you’ve hit your pun limit for the day.”
“That’s the second most beautiful boom I’ve ever seen.”
“Can the third rail on subway ground out magic?”
“I’m an undead samurai with an alchemical medal fused to his spine. I’ll stop drinking when I say I’m ready.”
“Yeah, the next time someone says they want a Yondu-style weapon, I’m going to say no.”
“What kind of guy looks at a swarm of spiders and says ‘I should weaponize this?’”
“I just told a volcano to sit down and shut up, and it did.”
“I’m trying to write a song about our crew, but there’s not a lot that rhymes with ‘wanton vandalism.’”
“I just beat up the Egyptian gods with a pair of crowbars.”
“We started with a good idea, took a quick detour into a bad idea, then got lost somewhere around dumb idea. Now I don’t know where we are.”
“'Nuclear grenades’ is never the solution to ‘unstable wormholes.’”
“Oh whoops, left my magic staff’s safety on.”
“Wheel of insanity, turn turn turn…”
“This is one of the few times when a towering inferno is a good thing.”
“You know, usually reaching orbit from Baikonur involves a rocket…”
“We’ve gone ten minutes into this royal ball, and none of us have secretly tried to usurp the throne.”
“I have a heart of gold and a liver of steel!”
“That is not a heroic use of superspeed.”
“Please, baby, put the toaster down.”
“So, apparently, our new team motto is 'We’re gonna need a bigger…’”
“I’m gonna go Jumanji on him!”
“If you were so drunk that you can’t remember making the plan, maybe we shouldn’t do it.”
“Did he just break into a noir narration in the middle of a monologue?”
“This is just a symphony of shenanigans.”
“I think you just punched his hatred out of him.”
“So, i got married to a pyromaniac priestess…”
“You hacked an ATM to spit out only singles?”
“This place isn’t supposed to be on fire for another two hundred years.”
“For the record, sticking the landing hurts.”
“What do you mean 'he already used his world ending move on me?’”
“Pudding is not supposed to bounce like that.”
“I’m going to suplex the wolf onto the other wolf!”
“And this is why we’re not allowed to perform first contact.”
“We’re going to throw a party in the Silent Citadel!”
“Sorry, being shirtless is my natural state.”
“We don’t use our friends as projectiles!”
“I’m not drunk enough for this!”
“I am drunk enough, but I still don’t wanna be here.”
