Makeagoodexcuse 2017 @makeagoodexcuse - Tumblr Blog

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Sa totoo lang, madalas, namimiss ko rin magsulat. Yung kahit puro kalokohan lang nilalagay ko sa blog ko every week halos meron. May oras na naisip ko kung kelan ako tumigil magsulat... alam kong isa to sa mga bagay na hinding-hindi ako tatamarin gawin, pero for some reason tumigil ako, nablanko isip ko. Paminsan-minsan, binabasa ko rin yung mga sinulat ko dati, nung huling beses kong binasa lahat, nalaman ko rin kung bakit ako tumigil. Kasi puro lungkot lang yung laman. Puro pagkukulang, puro insecurities lang. Namimiss ko magsulat, pero ang alam ko lang isulat eh yung mga negatibong mga emosyon ko. Nakakamiss mag sulat pero hindi ko namimiss yung lungkot, yung hirap, yung sakit. And now I've been having a hard time thinking on how to write positively kasi binuhos ko yung malaking part ng buhay ko sa mga hugot at mga kulang sa akin. I know na kahit noon pa lang I'm not a great writer. Pero kasi ito, tulad ng marami, ito talaga outlet ko. Journal or diary na very willing akong ishare sa ibang tao, hoping na may makabasa and makaintindi. Salamat sa lahat ng taong naging laman nitosa loob ng 5 o 6 na taong binuo ko to. I'm ready to let this page go, I'm ready to move on from it, kasi sa lahat ng accounts ko, or personal belongings ko ito na lang may bakas ng kahapon ko at bilang masaya naman ako, handa na ko na bitiwan to. Salamat sa mga naglaan ng oras para basahin to. Kahit yung iba ginagamit lang to pag naghahanap ng tsismis tungkol sa lovelife ko. Hahaha. Salamat pa rin. Salamat din sa mga nag iwan ng mga anonymous na mga messages, sobrang pinapangiti niyo ko parati, tuwing nag memessage kayo at tuwing binabalik-balikan ko. And maniwala kayo, lagi ko inaalala mga yun. Sana sa susunod na gumawa ako ulit, matutunan ko nang mag sulat ng masasaya at sana andun pa rin kayo. Paalam @makeagoodexcuse 👅 (Deactivating in a few days/weeks)

#2017

This I Promise You.

For day 366, I decided to write this blog to separate those who just likes the pictures they see on IG to people who actually cares about the story behind it.

Last week, she was at a KTV first with her workmates, later with her cousins. She messaged me saying “alam ko na song ko for you!” with so much excitement. She told me to listen to the song This I promise you, which we both already know. Nevertheless, I listened to it, sang along, and easily got the message she wanted to tell me through it.

As a person who learned the true value of promises, here are my promises to you:

I PROMISE to work hard for our future, to turn our plans and dreams into reality.

I PROMISE to always love you even and especially when we can’t seem to understand one another.

I PROMISE to hold your hand tighter when things get hard.

I PROMISE to prove myself worthy of your love as much as I can for as long as you’ll allow me.

I PROMISE to not allow anything from my past or future to hinder us.

Lastly, I promise that we won’t ever have to spend another anniversary apart.

#2017 #366

Dream Interpretations: Thief I've been having some crazy dreams for the past few months and I usually don't believe in these things but when I first tried to have a dream of mine interpreted well it became a habit, I mean... wala namang mawawala if I searched about it right? This is what happened to my dream last night... I was at some college campus, in my dream it felt like I studied there bit it looked nothing like my college in real life. I was wearing my back pack and I was on my way to the comfort room. Inside the comfort room was weirdly designed cubicles, it had red steal railings like the ones you see on the platforms of rollercoasters, it had spaces in between them, meaning you could see people inside, and it was a two floor comfort room. I decided to go to the lower floor, to not be seen by the people below, but when I was there, I freaked out seeing what I saw when I looked up to the people who were taking a piss on the higher floor of that ridiculously designed comfort room. Next thing I know, I was just washing my face, a group of college students came and recognized me. They started to talk to me, they mentioned scenarios of how they know who I was, they even mentioned one very specific name from my past, we laughed, then... I left. I walked away from the comfort room. While walking away I checked my pockets (like i normally do), and realized I lost my phone. I look back at the comfort room and saw one of the college students that were talking to me looking suspiciously in my direction. I chased her. She started running. I tried screaming but somehow I couldn't speak. I chased her more till finally, I caught her, shoved her face on one of the glass windows in an office at that college, told the people from that office that this student stole from me, took my phone, and went outside. Source: random dream interpretation sites.

Dear You, We both know, that you're not my first love. You weren't the person I dedicated all the best love songs I grew up with. You weren't the person I brought to all the great places I discovered. And you weren't the person I gave fancy well-thought efforts to. None of those people were you. You know what else wasn't you? You're not the person who broke my heart. You're not the person I remember every time I hear sad and heartbreaking songs. The places we went to for our dates are also not the places I hid from or stayed away from for a long time. Most of all, you're not the person who needed all those fancy efforts just for you to fall in love with me. Just a few conversations ago, you mentioned that you're weren't able to experience my fancy (and very public) efforts. But it was never problem for us, it was never an issue, even at that same moment you told me about it. Because we're not that type of couple, and you're not that type of girl. I was wrong before when I said that you made me believe again. Because "again" sounds like a replay of the past, and you gave me something new to believe. You made me believe in something that I thought I already knew. You made me believe of what a truthful and fruitful relationship should be like. COMFORT. The way we show each other's embarrassing habits without feeling ashamed (Ex. Burping & farting). SUPPORT. The way we support each other's plans and dreams for the future no matter how shallow and bizarre some of it are. CONNECTION. The way we get to create film-worthy stories just by completing each other's sentences and thoughts. CONTENTMENT. They way I feel unconditionally happy to be yours for as long as God would allow. So yes, you are not my first love. But you're the first person to make me realize and feel all these things, all these and so much more. You're honestly also the first relationship I had where I never questioned the universe "is she really the one?" Or "Is this all I deserve?" And I feel like it's because for the first time, with you... I never felt like there was a dead end, I always know that there's a future to look forward to together. I love making plans with you. I love loving you. And I want to take you to all those beautiful places I've been to, dedicate all those love songs I grew up with, and I'll make you feel that you're the most beautiful girl in the world every single day for as long as we're together, and for as long as I live. I'm going to give you everything I wasted on the wrong people, people who've hurt me in the past, because I know that this time around it's worth it. I know that you're worth it. And those songs and places wouldn't be about them anymore, it will about you, where God intended.

#2017

A: Episode 3 - Stranger

The thought scared me. The feeling scared me. Every sense I had was telling me it was good, it's way too good.

It felt a little too familiar. My intuition told me how it ended before and how I should just forget about it, but then it also knows me, and that I don't just simply 'forget.'

I saw her again. And again. And again. And again. I kept wanting to see her, and she kept saying yes every single time I'd ask. We'd spent long yet short nights going through the first stage of every relationship - getting to know. I kept discovering new things about her every night, and she keeps on realizing how darn talkative I truly get. My shyness became comfort. She made me feel like I could be who I really am when I'm around her.

But to her, I was a stranger. A stranger she only knew by other people's stories about me. A stranger she knew from the blogs and tweets I posted. A stranger who is a complete mystery to her. And yes, her intuition also told her I'm a bad idea. But I guess we're both too stubborn to even listen to all the negatives.

She didn't want the attention. That's what she told me, and so did her best friend. She didn't want people's eyes on her. She didn't want to be the talk of the town. She didn't want to be seen with me, because according to her, I'm that type of person, the type that causes people to look, to listen, to talk, the type that will get her all the things listed above that she didn't want.

"Let's keep this between us"

Let's.

I want to know where this goes. I want to know if it has the same ending as the others. I want to know what the hell is going on and why the hell am I so in to this?

Maybe it's thrilling. Maybe it's because i'm used to being "that type of person," even though i never believed that I was in the first place.

Or maybe you know there's also a 5% chance that this might be it. She might be it. 5 seems low but after all the heartaches from a hundred it goes down at least 30-40% every time a door closes and it all depends on how it hurt.

I guess it's her laugh, or the fact that i haven't shut my mouth ever since we started hanging out and she never said anything about it, maybe it's the night? The moon always makes everything more 'movie like,' or is it her eyes? The place? Her hands? Or her lips that I've been wanting to kiss ever since that night at Starbucks?

I know this blog is so overdue, but I can tell you right now, it's all of those things, and soon enough, there'll be a lot more reasons to fall.

#2017

3.6/17 This experience may be unforgettable but I swear to you that it is not a once in a lifetime thing. What started as a dream finally became a reality. Three years ago, I was a freshman college student and I found out that my department annually holds a film festival they called “Bidyofest (which I still think is witty).” It was an event for senior students who wants to share their talents in filmmaking.

Two years ago, I attended my first bidyofest and I’d be lying to you if I tell you that I wasn’t picturing myself giving out a speech on that podium that would inspire others to love the same craft and to dream the same dream.

A year ago, I can already feel the pressure kicking in knowing the possible group of people who we could be going against but at the same time, I can't help but also feel a bit of excitement. I was motivated, challenged, inspired. I started focusing on doing things that I know will help me learn more, help me learn new skills that I will be able to apply to what we were about to produce in a matter of months.

And here we are now, the end point. We got to where I’ve always wanted us to go. We did it. We successfully produced a high quality film that does not contain killer visuals alone, but also a story worth telling, a film that my team and I were so excited to share to the world.

I wish I could tell you that I did not get my heartbroken after the event, I wish I could tell you that I wasn’t at all disappointed with how it went down. But I can’t, because I was. I’ve never worked this hard in my life, so I hope you could now see clearly why I felt the way I did. Our competitors were all talented as well, all were able to produce an amazing film like ours, and yes, I hate to admit that they all deserved the recognitions they got.

But I was still hurt. Hurt but only for a moment. I realized that there was no reason for me to be disappointed because I know what kind of effort we all put into it. I know that friendships were tested, that we all made time to make this film, that we all gave our all, and for a first time director, we did make a badass quality film. And I’d like to thank God for giving me these specific people to work with. From our crew, to our actors, to our equipment people who help made it more cinematic, for directing us into shooting the film in a place where I grew up as a child, where I felt most comfortable.

Everything went according to place, it may not be the result we were expecting, but it was all God’s plan and I know he’ll give me more opportunities to show my skills and my talent.

As for the film… We. Are. Only. Halfway. There.

#Pahimakas #2017

Day 366: 2016

First thing’s first I’m the realest. Kidd. Okay that was probably my worst opening ever. But really, I just wanted to say how much I missed writing. I missed it so much that I’m not letting this day pass without my New Year’s eve blog (Survived the intro).

2016… How can I summarize such a memorable year. Just like every other year I’ve had before it had an equal amount of ups and downs. The only difference is that now, I know better than dwelling on the downs.

It has definitely been a blast. The year started the way everyone else’s year did, with hopes and heads up high, praying that it was going to be a better year. Not everyone succeeds though. Some still hope and fails, some start the year right and it still ends badly for them. Nonetheless, every year is a blessing.

2016 was a quiet journey for me. I learned a lot from the 12 months and that 1 extra day 2016 offered. I didn’t have a wild year compared to the past three years of my life but it was a year filled with life lessons and realizations, something that I knew I needed more than what I got used to.

This year, I learned to let go. I finally found out what my real worth was, and that I should never settle for less. I learned to love and respect myself more. I learned to forgive the right people. I learned to take opportunities presented to me. I learned the real meaning of happiness and what it takes to achieve and maintain it. I learned that I am capable of so much more than limiting myself to the things I know. I learned to get out of my comfort zone, slowly but effectively. And of course, this year, I learned to fall in love again. 2016 reminded me of what it feels like to have butterflies all over my stomach again, but this time, even after months and months of flying the butterflies never stopped, instead they continuously grow, multiply, and just go nuts.

She was the best thing that ever happened to me this year, no questions asked. But if you really need to know, she has taught me the most valuable elements of life that I honestly thought I didn’t need anymore, the ones I took advantage of for many years.

First is FAMILY. By her never ending stories about her family, the adventures they had together, the conversations, the road trips, the closeness, and the love they have for one another, it made me realize how selfish I have been with my own family. How I only think about myself with how they treat me, by comparing myself to my siblings or my other cousins, by getting mad at them when they won’t ask me how I am when I haven’t even tried to ask them first. She taught me that with family, pride is not important. She taught me that family always comes first.

Second is HUMILITY. She’s the most down-to-earth person I know. She cares for the less fortunate, she loves animals, she respects her environment, and she doesn’t choose who she socializes with. She doesn’t pretend like most of us do, she doesn’t even need anyone’s approval, just from her family and closest friends. She taught me to care for others. To just be real and love everything about the world.

Third is GOD. She brought me closer to God. I’m not super religious then, and I’m not super religious now. But I know my faith became stronger this year because of her. She took me to Sunday mass, her favorite church, and she told me her stories. She told me that every time she gets too weak, all she does is pray and she guarantees that God has never let her down. I was a skeptic so at first, I had a lot of doubts and questions, but every time I do she would just tell me to believe and have faith. I guess it was God’s perfect timing because this year was also the year we went on a three day retreat. I honestly heard Him forgive me when I was there. After so long, I was able to sleep well, eat well, and rest well all at the same time, which is very impossible for me to do outside the retreat house.

Fourth is a bit cheesy but it’s LOVE. She taught me love. The person who has never been in love before taught me what love really is. She made me feel like I could touch the sky with my feet still attached to the ground. She made me feel that impossible happiness I once thought I could never feel. Our story became like the best movie I have ever witnessed, a movie with no ending. My closest friends know that I have rules, standards, or “etiquettes” that I follow when I’m in a relationship, a rule book if you want to call it that, but she made me realize how ridiculous my rules were, she made me realize how idiotic it was for me to even think a relationship had to be limited to a set of rules. She made me realize that there are no rules. That we can be who we want to be, do whatever, go wherever.

This year, even with all the lessons, I lost a lot as well, I lost a lot of money, I lost friends, I lost time, I lost moments I can never take back, I said bad things to people that I wish I never said or sent, and I recently lost my phone. Lol. But nevertheless, this year was filled with lessons that I am now thanking God for; for everyone that left and for everyone that arrived in my life, the new and old, for every new place I went to, for every new experience, for every blessing, for every challenge, for every laugh and tear, for every word and stare, and for everything that I might have already forgotten to mention here.

Next year will be different for sure, and I cannot wait to get to it. Au revoir 2016.

#2016

Day 270

A: Episode 2 - If We’d Never Met

Before my Starbucks friend and I became close we started the way everyone else does, as strangers, as freshmen college to be more specific.

Let’s travel back to 2013, when I was just a freshman communication student at my college, who lives “far away” as most would usually describe the city I live in. I’m not going to bore you with all the details, but here’s the gist, my first college girlfriend was pretty known around campus, meaning she knows a lot of people, and obviously a lot of people know her as well. I on the other hand, wasn’t.

Summer 2014. My first college girlfriend and I have broken up long ago at this point, in fact I was already moving on from someone else. One day a not so stranger, all of a sudden, sent me a private message on Twitter, weird enough she was the ex of my first college girlfriend.

So this not so stranger and I became weirdly close and from talking about our mutual ex we started talking about personal stuff too and became unexpectedly close.

“Text mo si ****, mag hi ka lang.”

“Huh? Bakit? Nakakahiya.”

The not so stranger had a best friend who she told me has a little crush on me. I texted her friend but at that time, I wasn’t looking for a commitment and was still getting over someone, so we just texted for a little while, and stopped.

By September 2014, my second college girlfriend who I didn’t know would change the entire course of my life became who I used to believe was the love of my life. I got stuck in her world for almost 2 years.

August 2015. The not so stranger, invited me to a birthday celebration, her best friend’s birthday celebration the same best friend who just a year before that had a little crush on me. I hesitated of course, I haven’t talked to the girl ever since 2014, and we’re not really close. But she forced me to going, she forced me to accompany her, and because I’m such a great friend, I went.

Then I saw her. The best friend. It was the first time I hanged out with her. It was the first time I met her in person, honestly, before that night, she was just a girl I used to text because her best friend told me to do so. But after that night, I was stunned. Wowed.

So yes, after our last conversation the year before that, after an entire year passed, I finally saw her, and yes, in an instant, like my old self, I felt little butterflies in my stomach. I had a crush.

But I was a mess, and I was embarrassed because that same night I got way too drunk I puked all over their car door when they were taking me home. So yes, I didn’t make a move, because why the hell would I after that night?

But I finally noticed her, and I finally get to see her often in school, and it would always make me smile. I don’t acknowledge her, I don’t say hi, I don’t even smile at her, and she never looked at me. She would just walk pass me, and I would just stare at her as she walks away. I was too late, she doesn’t have a crush on me anymore, so I have to deal with this, I have to accept the fact that I’m a year too late to make a move. So I made the best out of all those moments I’d bump into her and the not so stranger who became a real close friend of mine.

2015. A year filled with mistakes, it was honestly filled with regrets, and now that I think about everything, I thank God I felt like I was a year too late.

The not so stranger’s best friend became a crush, and she was just a crush, a person who I was always so psyched to see. A crush that I would message every now and then asking for crazy favors like helping me on my radio production activity by sending an answer to a survey I was doing. A crush who I’d reply to when she tweets something about a teleserye we were mutually currently into, unintentionally making it a tradition to watch it every night while talking to each other arguing whether the characters should end up together, arguing about what happens if it happens in real life. A crush who I never spoke to in person but who I would constantly stalk on social media. A crush that was just a crush.

2016. I was convinced that the next girl I was going to date was my next serious relationship. No more games. No more fooling around. No more mistakes. No more. No, no, no. No. NO.

Then I met a girl, she was young, energetic, sweet, and adventurous, she was everything my ex wasn’t.

‘I think I found her.’

For two weeks, I made myself believe that I found a girl who could make me forget about my second college girlfriend. But she wasn’t. Because when my ex came back, I didn’t have second thoughts, I immediately gave in, let her back into my life as if she did no harm, and I had to leave a girl who I thought was enough to repair the damage my ex have given me for two years.

My second college girlfriend and I got back together, thinking that it’ll be forever. We knew better, we knew what went wrong and we’ve grown up from our immaturity. Everything changed.

My crush on a random day, messaged me and invited me to drink with her and her friends, I casually went. I was committed to someone, that time, even though I had a huge crush on her, my girlfriend was my priority so obviously, I didn’t make a move to jeopardize my relationship with my girlfriend and the friendship I had with my crush.

“It’s just a crush.” Repeat 1k times.

But for my second college girlfriend and I, love was not sweeter the second time, well at least for us it wasn’t. I’m not usually the type of person who commits and flirts with other girls, but with her, even after I chased her for so long, I couldn’t help but talk to other people on the side. I never considered it cheating, but I was honestly happy talking to others more than talking to her. That’s how bad it became for us, so I had to end it, I had to leave her.

This now takes us back to where I ended on episode 1, where the not so stranger’s best friend became my crush, and now my Starbucks friend.

#2016 #a #Gabe Bondoc

Day 260 A: Episode 1 - Haven’t Met You Yet

I’m about to drop some bomb up in here, just kidding. But welcome to what I’m about to call A. A would be a blog series about someone who is not so very new yet now very significant in my life. A is the title of the playlist I’ve been trying to complete for quite some time now. This blog series would be… well a series of posts about this significant person with a song that’s included in my new playlist and to why the song is relevant. Bagong pakulo, ikanga.

AND!!! I’m not in any way going to make this blog series depressing.

First Episode

As most of my friends know, I am a hopeless romantic, been trying to find the love of my life, jumbling everything all at once, been hurt more than once, twice, thrice, and well I’ve lost count.

I’ve always believed that we’re meant for someone or something that is greater than what we’ve always believed is destined for us. I’ve always believed that the idea of ‘HER’ is out there, and she’s looking for me, probably stranded in the coast of France (this is my favorite mentor’s favorite figure of speech).

I lost who I believed was the love of my life just this Summer vacation. And guess what? After two years, and after just an hour or two, I stopped crying and I started feeling great. As if in an instant, I am one hundred and one percent okay and I shit you not.

I realized how long I wasted my time chasing a girl who clearly didn’t love me enough to stay. No hate here, these are just the facts (that if she read she’d probably be mad about). Anyway, I realized that and a lot of things and all those things made me feel okay. Made me feel safe and happy, and for the first time in two years, completely free.

… and just like the song, I realized she wasn’t it, and that maybe, “I just haven’t met YOU yet.”

Later that day (day of the breakup), I went to see a friend. We talked and had coffee. We talked for six hours, left Starbucks at 1am. We talked about the breakup of course, and I shared stories about my friends and about myself. And she got to know me a little better, it was the first time we hanged out how you say… ‘just the two of us.’

The next day, we texted, and texted, and texted. That weekend I also met up with a not so long ago ex and spent time with her as well. We got to talk about what went on for the past 4 months of not seeing each other, we got to talk about us, and how it could’ve been if what happened didn’t happen. We ate, we read poetry, she ordered her usual café mocha, and we sang, but after that I left and never spoke to her ever again.

But my Starbucks friend and I, kept texting, and texting, and texting. And slowly but surely, once or twice a week, I’d ask her to hang out with me and we will. We’d watch a movie, we’d eat, we’d talk, we’d have coffee, and we’d stay out late, so late that one time we stayed till morning at McDonald’s just talking to each other and that was the first time I saw the sunrise with her.

At days I don’t get to see her, we just text, and text, and text. I would be working on my internship, and she would be working on hers. But we would just talk, and talk, and talk either way. And yes, I was convincing myself that it was nothing. But was it really?

#2016 #A

Day 256: 110 Questions

1 - Who was the last person you texted? A

2 - When is your birthday? October 21, 1996.

3 - Who do you want to be with right now? A

4 - What sports do you play? Volleyball, Basketball.

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts? Asia

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment? Well Gabe Bondoc’s If We’d Never Met has been playing on loop for almost 24 hours so I guess that’s it.

7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with? A

8 - What do you feel right now? Bored enough to finish this.

9 - What chocolate is your favorite? Cadbury Fruit n’ Nut

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? Boyfriend = 1 Girlfriends = 4. hehehe...

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account? Because my high school best friend told me so.

12 - Who is your favorite blogger? My writing partner who isn’t really active, I just really love the way she writes.

13 - Where do you want to be right now? sa Pansol mamaya sa Marikina naman.

14 - What do you want to be in the future? Filmmaker.

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why? Forgot when... and why.

16 - Are you happy? YES. NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY IN A LONG TIME.

17 - Who do you miss? I miss my friends.

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life? I would’ve said yes before but not anymore. Why give something up when you were just given the greatest blessing life could possibly give you?

19 - What was the best thing you were given? Yung Best friend ko. Labyu Beh.

20 - Who was the last person who called you? A.

21 - What is your favorite dish? Marami. but now I’m addicted to shawarma.

22 - Who is your bestfriend? Asia

23 - What is your biggest regret? Making that specific someone feel she could come back and use me anytime she wanted.

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner? I was on the verge but no.

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with? My girl and my best friend.

26 - Name someone pretty. Blake Lively

27 - Who was the last person you hugged? Marcus

28 - What kind of music do you listen to? RnB

29 - Are you over your past? Yes. TYG.

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts? Unknown number. haha.

31 - What kind of person do you want to date? Yung masarap kausap at kasama, yung walang arte, di nag mamadali, at yung alam kong sincere na gusto rin akong kasama.

32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night? Yes. I wake up every hour.

33 - From whom was the last text message you received? IDK. Haven’t checked my phone since yesterday haha.

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt? Neither.

35 - How’s your heart? Okay naman siya. Happy naman.

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”? YES HAHAHA.

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment? I LABLAB SOMEONE. lablab!!

38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? God Bless. HAHA.

39 - Do you have any phobias? Yes.

40 - Did you try to change for a person? Yes...

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone? IDK ask that someone..?

42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship? Nope.

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood? GOOD MOOD.

44 - Name someone you can’t live without. My laptop.

45 - Describe your dream date. Out of the country adventure.

46 - Describe your dream wedding. Don’t really know.

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s? None.

48 - Have you ever been kissed? No. HAHAH jk. Yes.

49 - How long is your longest relationship? One year, one month.

50 - Do you regret your past? I guess not.

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else? Yes.

52 - Have you ever cried over someone? Yes.

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone? Yes.

54 - Are you a crybaby? Yes. haha

55 - Do people praise you for your looks? ... Yes... hahaha...

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t? Yes mga more than once. HAHA.

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret? YES. HAHA.

58 - Do you like getting hurt? Nope.

59 - Does anyone hate you? Yes a lot of people hate me.

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”? No, but I’d love to.

61 - What hair color do you prefer? Natural brown.

62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it? Yung boobs ko laki eh. nangangain ng tao. hahaha.

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment? Yes. :)

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself? Yes.

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school? Yes, war freak ako eh, jk.

66 - Can you live without internet? No.

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone? CLOSER. HAHAHA yknow why babe. :))

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears? Sometimes.

69 - Are you a crybaby? Na Asia ka.

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical? Yes.

71 - Are you a KPOP fan? Nope.

72 - Do you study hard? hahahaha.

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? Yes.

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight? Under the streetlight meron. HAHA.

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat? Yes.

76 - Did you have an accident last year? Nope.

77 - What kind of person are you? Cute. jk idk.

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone? No.

79 - Have you ever been jealous? Yes.

80 - How can you prove your love to someone? No definite answer for this really. You just do what you think is right I guess and just follow your heart. No matter how cheesy that sounded coming from me.

81 - What are you thinking right now? Kung kelan ako matatapos dito.

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts? Ano ba problema mo sa contacts ko.

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase? Yes.

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel? YES.

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone? Yes lol.

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone? Yes.

87 - Do you have trust issues? Yes.

88 - Are you broken-hearted? No.

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? hehehehe.

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it? In some situations, yes. But it’s not highly recommended.

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? I do. I really do.

92 - Who do you want to marry? Kasal agad?

93 - Do you believe in destiny? I guess?

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”? I have.

95 - How do you look right now? I look okay haha.

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies? Yes but not in the way most people understand the concept.

97 - Have you found your true love? Thought I did. But we’ll see. Still too soon to say.

98 - What should you be doing right now? studying French. ahha

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends. Shet. haha. sige, si Jeremy na lang.

100 - What is your sexual orientation? Straight na straight po... sa babae.

101 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough? Every dang day.

102 - How old are you? 19 na feeling 12 pa rin.

103 - What age do you get mistaken for? Early 20′s...

104 - Who is your celebrity crush? Marami. ahaha.

105 - What is your OTP? Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka.

106 - What is your favorite book/series? Every Day, David Levithan.

107 - Who is your favoroite author? David Levithan.

108 - What is your favoite band? Maroon 5.

109 - What is your favorite TV show? HIMYM, Friends.

110 - What is your favorite movie? Happy Gilmore, Somewhere in Time, 50 First Dates.

#2016

Hello, I apologize for the late response haven't checked my blog in a long time. I sincerely appreciate the posts you have submitted on my blog and As curious as I am, I have this feeling that you'll never tell me who you are. So for now, I just want to thank you. :)

Hello, it’s me again.

It irritates me how we get to choose the people we love. Funny how we’re given such power, yet we stupidly use it.

Someone from my past came back. He started telling me all the words I wanted to hear from him…but that didn’t make me want to go back to him. I forgave him, but that didn’t mean I’m his again.

I first thought, maybe I should just go. I have no chance with her anyway…but then, choosing to still love you was for my sake. I couldn’t love him more than you because…he isn’t you. What i wanted from him, I found in you. And now, I learned and realized that what I did was a bit stupid and at the same time good for me. I let go of the one person whom I know could love me, because I was in love with someone else. That even from afar, even if I can’t physically touch her, I’ll be happy.

Like what I said; you are the picture, the photograph that I have been trying to paint for the longest time.

-YouDon'tNeedToKnow

Pain

I’ve read them and it’s painful. If only I could be the one to end the hurt you’re feeling or help you move on with the pain you’ve been through.

Amazing how someone could get through all of that and still smile everyday, no? You amaze me.

But what’s amazing is how you use these challenges to help build who you are now. Every time I see you, you look so brave…but even soldiers have a backstory to strengthen what’s left inside of them.

-YouDon'tNeedToKnow

You are the picture, the photograph i have been trying to paint for the longest time.

I've seen it

You don’t need to know this. You can continue and move on with life not knowing this but I can’t. It would be the death of me not letting you know what I’ve been feeling for a year. So here it goes;

I’ve seen it.

The eyes that I’d want to get lost into, the eyes that I only want to look at. The eyes that sees me as someone worthy to be loved and accepted.

I’ve seen it.

The smile that melts the iceberg in my chest that is apparently called a heart. The smile that I get jelous of because I wasn’t the one who caused it. The smile that can’t be painted because it looks so damn perfect.

I’ve heard it.

The voice that sounds normal to most, but a lullaby to me. The voice that even the demons in me are silenced, because even they want to listen to such a voice. I’ve heard the voice that doesn’t make me feel alone.

I’ve read it.

The composition that shattered my heart to a thousand pieces. I finally found the right arrangement of words that I couldn’t put together until I read your works. I’ve never read anything so similar to what I feel, at least I know I’m not alone now.

So it’s you.

For the longest time, I’ve been looking for someone who had all these, but never have never found it, until you came along. You became the answer to my question of “is there such a being”? Apparently, there is. I’m not asking you to know who I am, I’m just saying that I’m relieved that there is a being that I know possesses what I want. A being that I will unselfishly love and treasure. You are the perfect picture of something I’ve been painting for the longest time. I know there’s more to all of this, but meeting you would just be too much. I guess we’ll meet or pass by each other again and i’ll finally have the guts to talk to you.

I wish you all the best,

You Don’t Need To Know

Day 212: Dear Future Lover 2.0

After almost a year of writing the first version of Dear Future Lover, I decided to modify it a little since a lot has already happened after that.

So one year after here I am, awkwardly saying hello to you again. I have no idea who you are, I don’t know how long I’ve known you or how long we’ve been together before you saw this, but if you’re reading this now, whenever “now” is... whether it’s 2016, 2017, 2020, or 2045, thank you.

Thank you for making me believe again. Thank you for removing this fear in my heart that grew on me because of all the failed relationships I had in the past. Thank you for making me stop doubting you or the entire concept of relationships.

I don’t know if I can promise you that I could be the best girlfriend in the world, but I can promise you this, I can promise not giving up on all the hardest days we’ll go through together. I promise to love you with everything that is left of me. I may not be the perfect girlfriend, or the girlfriend that I could’ve been for you when I was whole, but I promise to be just enough for you, to surprise you, to love you, to cherish you, and to hold you for as long you want to be held.

I promise you that everything will be okay, just stay with me.

Stay with me at my darkest hours. At nights that I feel like I couldn’t, don’t tell me I can, don’t tell me to believe in myself or even in God, don’t tell me things a stranger could tell me, instead, hold me, assure me, make me feel that failing is okay, make me feel that I’m still yours and you’re still mine. Don’t say anything, just hold me as I cry myself to sleep, kiss me as I’m losing faith in humanity, love me at my darkest and most hopeless nights... and I promise you, I’d make you feel the same.

Selfishly... Say you want me back when I tell you to leave. Stay with me when I tell you to go. Make me feel you want this, because I know I do, and I know it’s a desperate move to make you do this, but no one has ever done this for me, and just once, from you maybe... just maybe... I could get that. For once, just once.

I want to take you to all the best places I’ve ever been to. And yes, I may have found some of these places with someone else from my past, but it won’t matter because what matters is now. What matters is you and the new memories will have at those places, the hugs, the kisses, the talks we’re going to have. We will erase all the other memories I had there... we’ll create new ones and from then on, I would no longer remember taking them to those places because the only thing I’m going to remember is you and how lovely you were that day.

Then after all the tests fate would give us. I hope we stay strong, I hope we’re left still standing right next to each other.

I know I’m the most complicated person to be in love with, but just hold on, because I’ve imagined you coming a thousand times before, I imagined having a life with you, growing old together and all the other mushy stuff other people claim they don’t want... I know it’s going to get harder and harder everyday you’re with me and everyday that we’re together, but I also know, it will be worth it. It will get better, just stay strong, don’t be afraid, and I know I’ve said this to her before, but I’m going to say it again for you but just this once, I got you, and that’s all you need to know.

#2016 #DearFutureLover

Day 207: The Playlist

Have you ever been into a situation wherein you were just sitting randomly at some random place and all of a sudden a certain song plays that made you remember someone from your past? I’m pretty sure you have… but if you haven’t well… you’ll get there. Haha.

Anyway, for me, I have numbers of songs that remind me of different people from my past, and yes, I did stop listening to some of these songs out of bitterness from that failed relationship. But it’s a song, and whatever you do, at some point, you will hear it again whether you like it or not, no matter how hard you try to get away from it. At that moment, you will again remember everything, and it’s either you’ll remember all the bitterness or the happy memories you had that came with it.

Here’s my Playlist of all the relationships I had that failed, but gave me great memories. (In Chronological order)

1. Lucky – Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat

Three Years (2010 – 2013)

My highschool best friend who I used to spent all my days with playing our favorite sport, Volleyball, we used to enjoy watching movies and TV series, enjoy every bit of our alone time together.

My best friend who I shared my first kiss with and all other firsts, my best friend who I made future plans with, and my best friend who made me believed in forever.

She was my longest commitment.

She was the first and last person I said forever to.

2. All She Knows – Bruno Mars

Three Months (2013)

My first year college classmate on Sociology, Theology, and Humanities who I became close with unexpectedly, who currently had a long term relationship with someone else.

She was a stranger that I was so desperate to get to know better.

The stranger I went to places with.

The stranger I spent my long breaks with.

The stranger who taught me to keep believing. From stranger –> Friend -> Crush -> stranger again.

Now, one of the chosen people I trust most.

3. Latch – Disclosure

Two Months (2013)

My first official college girlfriend. She is the funniest, most active person I have ever met up to this very day.

She was a dancer.

The dancer who won’t stop annoying me. The dancer who surprised me by bringing 3 cakes on my birthday.

The dancer who taught me what it’s like to have actual fun. The dancer who taught me the difference between “I like you” and “I love you”

The dancer I gave the blue Ferrero rocher bouquet to, three days after we officially broke up.

4. Somewhere Only We Know – Keanne

Three Months (2014)

The girl next door, she wasn’t literally next door but she had everything you’d look for, looks, sense of humor, intelligence, and she was also an athlete.

It wasn’t hard to find her attractive and I could say that I was instantly hooked when I saw her. She became a crush that I was slowly falling head over heels for.

She was the one who at that time… was the hardest one to let go. We used to talk about how it would be when people see us together, claimed how good we would look walking around campus knowing that we’re together, claiming that if it did happen we will be what most prefer to as the “It couple.”

She is my Almost.

5. Fall – Justin Bieber (2014) & Sila – Sud (2016)

Six Months (2014)

My unexpected happily ever after. My first true love.

My everything.

The only person I imagine I’d grow old with. The person I wasn’t afraid to fall in love with. She was the one. She was the one I wanted to love for the rest of my life. She was the one I could not get over. She was the one I chased for so long. She was the one who changed me.

Four Months (2016)

She was my 11:11. The only person I wanted back who actually did came back. She was my dream girl.

But… time changed her. She became someone else entirely. She became a stranger in my eyes. My heart could no longer recognize her.

But she will always be my best and worst that everyone knew about.

6. Akin Ka Na Lang – Itchyworms

Six Months (2015) A friend who always had my back, the friend who never left me, the friend who was there during the beginning up to the end of my past relationship. A friend I fell for after all the months we annoyed each other on Twitter and other social media platform. She wasn’t my first love, but I was definitely hers. I waited too long before I could tell her how I felt, and when I did, she was taken. She wasn’t happy but she was taken.

I was there for her when he wasn’t.

I was there on her play.

I was there on her birthday (not exactly on the same day) I was there when he wasn’t.

She never chose me. There were lots of times when I wished she would, she never did.

7. Again – Bruno Mars

Two weeks (2016)

My first Valentine. The girl I met at the most unexpected place. The girl who made me feel all giddy again. The girl I had crazy adventures with. The girl I had the best date ever with.

The girl who was as broken and as lost as I was.

I had two weeks, just two weeks, but they were the most memorable two weeks of my life.

Now that.. that’s out of the way, I’m off to my new and hopefully, final playlist.

#2016

Day 199: Finally

I hated how much you meant to me I hated how much I couldn’t resist you, your smile Your kiss Your touch

I hated loving you more than i loved myself I hated believing that you could be it

I hated the way you made me feel, That I could fly That I could dream That I could win

I hated thinking about our future together, Waking up next to each other every day Growing old together, laughing at our youth

I hated me when I’m with you.

But finally… Finally I am over you

And now I’ve learned to love but never to love again

I hate butterflies in my stomach I hate good night texts I hate late night phone calls I hate dates I hate coffee and chill I hate attachment I hate commitment I hate falling I hate feeling

I hate all the wonderful yet temporary things

I hate everything I once loved Because i just know That like you, They will never be mine to keep Never be mine to claim

But thank God Because finally I am over you

#2016

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