Being Apart of a Date-less Generation
So, my last relationship ended a little over a year ago now, and being 25 and single has been a real eye opener. I see many people from high school, college, that are settling down, getting married, having kids, and sometimes one does feel alone in that department and wonders if they should be doing the same thing. Yes, I am happy I am not married with children, it is great, I know I am no where near ready for that responsibility as I myself am trying to get my ducks in a row and figure out my life. But of course there is the thought in the back of my head that says, “dang it would be nice to have someone to cuddle sometimes, or have a conversation with, or watch Netflix on the couch with...” Yes, of course it would be nice. Most definitely. But other single guys in my age group, do not feel the same. So here are some things I have noticed whilst being single and “dating,” if you can call it that.Â
1. Guys Want ALL the Cake
All them men that have become wifed up, taken, dating, living with their significant others, those guys that have done so “too early” in their lives are now retracting, thinking in their minds that they are missing out on life and want to search the world for something new, but without leaving their partner behind. They want to sex up someone else, but have their girlfriend or wife there as a security blanket, because they know they at least have that someone there. All I got to say is, dude, I get it, it sucks, you got paired up early in the game and you feel like you cannot escape it, or if you tried it would start WWIII and drama would envelope a small bit of your life. But here is the thing, you can’t have all the cake, you just can’t. If you want to go be with someone else, GO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. If you are unhappy, GO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY. Don’t act like a damn slimeball and prowl for new territory when you haven’t left the last tract of land you rented. Guys do not understand that girls will appreciate you a hell of a lot more if you were honest. I will never forget the first time a guy was 100% honest with me. We were talking in college, I had a good time with him, he was a great guy and things were hitting off, but one day he texted me and told me that although he liked me, he was still hung up on his ex-gf. He said she had been showing him interest again and would take the next chance he could to win her back because they had a history with her he couldn’t shake, and that it wouldn't be fair to me to lead me on and drag me through something that may or may not happen....when he told me this, granted it sucked because of course I liked the guy, but I told him first and foremost that I appreciated his honesty, because never has another guy ever just been flat out truthful with me before. I wished him well, had no ill feelings towards him, and moved on.Â
Honesty is truly the best policy. Don't sit there and think you are sparing my feelings or drama by lying to me. Girls are not stupid, we know when people are lying, and guys just are not good at hiding things anyway. But like I said, if you are not happy, or interested in someone else - be truthful, and move on.Â
2. We are in our 20′s, hook ups happen.Â
Hook ups will always happen if you are single. One night stands. Etc. But if you are thinking about having a one nighter, or prepare yourself to have sex with someone you know is going to go nowhere, you need to have your head on straight. Being “used” is apart of life unfortunately. Some people just want one night of romantic passion with a stranger or even a friend they have known for a long time and don't plan on taking it farther. But people don't mentally prepare themselves enough. After it is all said and done people are left wondering where this will go....nowhere, dear, nowhere. Accept it. We are all adults, quit crying about it.Â
3. We “hang out,” we do not “date.”Â
Guys do not ask girls out on dates anymore, they ask to hang out, chill, bullshit, they do not ask us to go out to dinner, to the movies, to do any activity necessarily. They ask you to come over, watch Netflix, and then randomly hook up - going back to #2. I won’t say chivalry is dead, but it isn’t as heavily practiced, a lost art if you will. Many failed relationships occur in this day and age because common dating rituals are no longer apart of the courtship. Granted I find myself saying I’d love to sit on the couch, watch Netflix, eat pizza, and cuddle with someone, but I feel as if that is something you do further down the road after an actual relationship is said established.Â
4. EHarmony is not a place for 20 year olds.
My roommate went behind my back to set me up an EHarmony account, I had it cancelled immediately, but for a day I at least was curious to see what other types of guys that were on there in my age group. The answer: NONE. None that were interesting anyway. Guys my age don’t want an EHarmony, are you kidding me? Who would even? I didn’t even want one. Jesus. Granted I know people that have met on dating sites, people that have even married from dating sites, but its the luck of the draw. Being on the right site, at the right time, and just so happen to meet that person. I feel that dating websites are exhausting, but then again so is dating in general.Â
5. You will lose friends to dating.
Some people that get wifed up will either - include their new boo in your friendship, or that friend will disappear altogether.  This is one thing that truly irks me to no end, never seeing your friend because they are in a relationship. I understand, you want to spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, I get it, but there is a time and a place. How do you not think you need time apart from each other? A guys night or girls night out? Or even bringing them around your friend group. One thing I think is a crucial part of a relationship, is that your friends enjoy your significant other as well. If they can’t fit in with your friends, they can’t fit in with you, that is just simple. If they can’t hang, they can’t hang. Some of my friends I just want to grab their face and scream “you are pussy whipped.” Guys or girls can suffer from being pussy whipped. Some people on the internet claim “I’m not whipped, I’m loyal.” GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. There is a difference between being loyal, and being there for your partner, and being their dog. I currently have a friend that never goes out or does anything because of their relationship, and I’m left sitting here thinking, why do you even consider me a friend if we don’t hang out? It makes absolutely zero sense to me. And apart of me believes in a maturity and trust level one must have to be in a “non pussy whipped” situation. But for those that are, grow a pair, venture out in the world, quit being a pansy and suckling the tit of your partner. You’re not going to die without them.Â
6. People are choosing comfortability instead of happiness
This is a HUGE problem, I digress back to #1, if you are not happy, go make yourself happy. You think you might be selfish, but you're not. Always do you before anyone else. One thing I’ve noticed over the last few years is that you will find love in the most random ass places. Relationships will come and go, no matter how long you have been with that person. But, people are choosing to be comfortable instead of happy. Because they have been with that person for “so many years” they might as well stay with them, in the fear of starting over. They want to stay with what they know and be miserable, than go out in the world, explore, and be happy. I knew a girl that was in a relationship with a guy for 6-7 years, they got engaged, moved in together that summer. Once they moved in, they realized they were not happy, broke off the wedding, moved out. Not 2-3 months later, my friend had met a guy she worked with, they began dating early that fall, were engaged themselves within 2 months of dating, and married the following spring. At first I told her she was crazy, that it wouldn't work, but they have been married for a few years now, officially have a child on the way, and she seems to be pretty damn happy. And I’m so glad for them. But like I said, sometimes, love will find you. Not necessarily love at first sight or anything, but you could be with someone for years, and they not be the right person for you. Once you get married then it's too late, and that is when divorce rates come into play. There is no rush, ever, to be married and have children. Before my Dad passed away a little over a year ago, he knew his life wasn’t going to last long, so he told me “I want to see my grandbabies before I die.” And when he passed away, I hated myself for not being able to give him that. I cry about it to this day, but I know my Dad wouldn’t want me to sacrifice my happiness in order to get into a marriage and children so soon in my life. When the right person comes along, they will.Â
Now for outlining all that is “wrong” in our generations dating game, let me spout my personal issue. I’m 25, I’m single, and unless someone intends to seriously pursue my awesome self, I will not date. I will not hook up. I will not give the slightest 2 fucks about anything. I have a type, I have interests, I find many people attractive. I feel like when I am genuinely interested, it is obvious. But I do not chase. I do not pursue. With the way things are this day in age, I don’t feel like I should. I’d rather bury my head in the sand. If a guy wants to seriously get into it, he will. But I will NOT be that girl that is constantly texting you wondering what you are doing and thinking “please be my boyfriend,” if there is nothing coming from the other side. I’m not 16 years old. I’m not an obsessive heart struck teen. I will not act desperate. That is not the way things work anymore. You don’t have to be awkward, you don’t have to act stupid, you don’t have to lie to yourself or anyone around you. You do you. First and foremost. Fuck everyone else. If you want something bad enough, you’ll get it.Â
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