most of my posts are not for kids—ᴍɪɴᴏʀꜱ ᴅᴏɴᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛ
current fixations : love and deepspace, jujutsu kaisen, attack on titan
i also enjoy other anime, graphic novels and games.
story masterlist : @thesleepyqueenslibrary
i didn't realize that people would actually read my stories - and i am so thankful cause i'm not a good writer - just a regular nutcrack that spins shit before sleeping. (yes it puts my ass to sleep - dont judge)
temporary masterlist dump [except for lads] :
Jujutsu Kaisen
Attack on Titan
Jinx
Love and Deepspace
I hope this helps cause I am not an organized person.
i dont have any tags list cause i am so bad at tracking them huhu
Something I learned back when I was trying to come to terms with an end of a relationship was that... it wasn't the presence of hate, but the absence of love. Grieving the end of that relationship was essentially relearning to pour my love and energy back into myself instead of giving it to someone who wouldn't even answer my calls in an emergency. I'm proud of you for realizing that your relationship was imbalanced and for valuing yourself enough to see reality. I hope you take the time to feel all the emotions and then, heal by investing your energy back into yourself and in people who reciprocate. Even though things might look bleak and scary now, you will heal, you will be okay. Lots of hugs from this internet stranger to you <3
omg its been months and there's a lot to unpack in my ask box.
first of all.... thank you for these words anon, and so sorry that it took me months before i read this.
second... yes it's scary but oh so very liberating. its as if i have regained part of myself that was lost somewhere or was suppressed deep down.
third... i never thought it was a pattern of gaslighting and manipulation. i spent a fucking ton of time blaming myself... berating myself and felt so helpless... felt like a fool and an idiot for not realizing it right away. but then, i read books, dived into lots and lots and looooooots of threads on reddit about it and took time to understand how it came to that point.... and that it's a manipulator's end goal - to isolate me from my family and close friends.... to make me so little and force me into submission and make me feel like he is my only anchor. i thought it was care and love, until my mum pointed out the same patterns that my biological father also did to her before they divorced. and i understood why my mum had been so desperate to take me on a vacation away from my country, from my ex.... so that i can think for myself.
and thank God for my mum because i did.
and even if things are kinda scary even now, its more like.... scary in a way that there's a new adventure lurking in the corner.... the good scary feeling that i will discover something new about myself and learn new skills and shit.
also.... i have more money now for travel and i can spend it however the fuck i like.... and enjoy my hard earned money the way i deserve it.
thank you anon for the virtual support and hug. reading this now only validated the efforts that i have put into putting myself first in the past few months.
and its the best investment i have made so far. ❤️
i am still here, still grinding lads and loving them more than ever.
i decided to step away from all kinds of social media platform to get my shit together. i deactivated my facebook, insta, tiktok... except tumblr bec of the stories.
it helped me regain my footing and my sense of whatever logic is left, helped me debrief and just think clearly.
i traveled a lot these past few months, gave myself a bit of tan, worked out and lost weight so that i can fit into some nice bikini outfits for the first time in my entire life.
i didnt think i would like being single, but here i am looking forward to the next beach trip.
i met new people online and in real life which is surprising given how i am not into socializing at all.... turns out there's so much more to me than i thought. haha.
i cannot write yet. not because i hated it but because in the quiet, my head would just be in complete chaos. but i am starting to read again, crossing out some new books i promised to read years back but never had the drive to do so.
i did all sorts of things. im currently stripping my walls from its old paint, threw more clothes and stuff, decluttered some of my kitchen cabinets and bla bla bla... it feels liberating. sort of.
oh and i attended a wedding too... it was surreal. i thought it would make me sad but i think it kinda gave me some sort of hope or shit that things will work out and that i should stop forcing whatever and just enjoy the present even if sometimes its super shitty.
so that's that. dunno if it counts as an update but that's what's going on with me right now.
one day, i know im gonna pick up on these stories... go back to the drawing board and fall in love with my old hobbies.
but for now, i just wanna continue breathing and learn how to be with myself and enjoy the time on my own.
to everyone who is still here, thank you. it means a lot.
i have no words. i didn't expect to reach this amount of followers or whatever. i simply wanted to write and take out everything that's in my head.
although im currently going through something, i promise to upload something because my drafts are overflowing with drabbles.... i just dont have the mental energy right now buuuut im still grinding lads and super duper duper duper in love with them. 🤣
so i want to thank everyone who remained here.
for all the support and messages that i kept on receiving, the love and criticisms that improved my writing... and so much muuuuuuuuch more.
i love you all and i cant say it enough : THANK YOU AWESOME PEOPLE ♥️
so im gonna share a major life update right now and its not related to lads or anything, but something very personal cause i have no one to talk to at the moment.
please bear with me on this.
i just broke up with my long time boyfriend.
we loved each other throughout the years.
i supported him throughout in ways that i have given my all, in every possible way, until almost nothing left.
i am happy for him, that he was able to establish his career, his business... but years of giving and giving burnt me out, until there's nothing left inside of me but resentment
until i have witnessed the love between my mom and my stepfather... how my stepfather treats my mom like a fucking queen that she is (they've been married for 11 years). and that opened my eyes that i am much more than a girlfriend who is waiting to be proposed on under the pretty stars and over candles and those sweet shit.
i was ready, until that readiness turned into something bitter at each passing year, which turned into doubt... because despite the efforts that i have given, it seemed like i am not the right person for him, not the one who would make him push more, fight more, want me more. or maybe its also because we have been complacent and got used to the convenience and that shit.
so i ended it. because i deserve more. and he deserves more too.
and it was so fucking painful, that i had to let it out here.
we never exchanged hurtful words. we never cursed each other. but it still hurts.
so that's my major update. i might post some stories later on, but for now, i just want to grieve for the love that once made me alive.
i know i am going to move on, but i have never thought that i would be moving on from him. not once in my life.
and i am scared because what if i end up being alone? or what if no find wants me? but i guess that's what everyone fears. it's just... we've been together for such a long time that i have been questioning myself whether i am enough. and that is not what women who have given a lot should ever feel.
if you made it here, thank you for reading this. it means a lot to me.
to those who have reacted, commented or sent a message : thank you so much for the support and kind words.
idk if you want an update but....
shit feels real now.
he moved out yesterday, i cried the entire day which made me so tired that i wasn't able to wake up to my alarm for work - made me miss work... bless my boss for being so kind and so understanding that he did not reprimand me, instead he offered to schedule a call later so that i could cry and he could listen to me, told me we are going yo get through this together... (he is gay btw if anyone is curious) yea i didn't expect him to be sweet and supportive cause our work is super demanding.
and god do i fucking miss my ex. i miss him so bad but there's also the relief as if a burden has been lifted off my chest, off my shoulders. but i can't believe i would call him my ex, ever!
i just have to avoid my grandma (who lives next door) because she loves him so damn very much and she hugged me earlier and it made cry so damn fucking much.
so here's to my heartbreak journey. he is my first love, 17 years together, and i never thought i would be moving on from him. he is my first boyfriend, my first in every single fucking thing.
but also, i can't diminish my worth. i supported him throughout those years, from when he was broke, when nobody believed in him - i did. when everyone belittled him and his dreams - i believed in him.
and now, he has his business, he is a lead guitarist for a fucking famous rock band in our country, amongst 2 other bands he plays with that are also successful in their own right.
and still... no ring. no princess treatment even in the simplest form of a sunflower or even date nights. nothing. not even texts when i was on vacation with my family in another country. not even "take care", "i love you" when i boarded the flight - he wasn't even there to accompany me to the airport.
2025 was our ultimatum. 2025 was MY ultimatum.
and i knew that i had to go on and live my life without him if he can't see me as someone worth the damn ring.
i love him, i really do. but i need to love myself more.
THANK YOU FOR BEING VERY SWEET AND VERY SUPPORTIVE.
this is gonna be, hopefully, my final update - for those who wanted an update
i stopped crying last thursday as if a switch was turned off, finally able to delete our photos on my phone and soc media (facebook is a bitch tho on this cause its so hard to find the damn photos!).
and i didn't cry while deleting the photos. i didn't hesitate... i didn't flinch or have thoughts about getting back together.
in my head.... it was just - thank you next... im gonna find that man who's gonna make me feel safe, gonna activate my soft girl era and turn off the masculine woman shit.
and my friends said i was glowing. idk what they meant bec my eyes are still a bit puffy after crying that entire wednesday.
but whatever it is... i am just glad that its over... that i am so free and that the world is my damn fucking oyster.
so if you're currently experiencing the same shit that i did - bruh, just do it. leave if you know you deserve so much more. you will find peace once you finally choose yourself. they won't change for the next person.... noooooope. but you can change for yourself and make yourself the happiest person in the world.
how playing lads affected my pov in my relationship and myself.
i have been playing lads since xavier's feverish attempts in 2025.
and at first, i thought its just another game of making myself feel something apart from loneliness and insufficiency.
I WAS WRONG.
when xavier kept on appearing at mc's life randomly, until he fully inserted himself in her life, routine, heart... not forcefully but INTENTIONALLY...
when zayne kept on being such a damn brat tamer as a friend, doctor... and boyfriend.... like those matching stuff, and that first fight scene together? yes know what that scene was! YES THAT SCENE and rest that followed...
when rafayel just claimed mc as his personal body guard JUST TO BE IN HER ORBIT AGAIN....
when sylus didn't force mc to remember him... but rather CREATED moments, situations, scenarios wherein HE would intervene in mc's life... as if he is luring her into his world... like a kitten being lured by a fucking catnip or toy.... and the fucking consent! yes... the consent....
when caleb is ready to build mc a whole damn fucking maze, destroy ever on his own, preserve 7% of his memories using his evol....
and i could go on... and on... AND ON... about this...
but those scenarios, the boys and how they treat mc made me want to have the same thing.
and its not being delusional.... especially if you know even before you have started to play the game... that you're being treated less than what you deserve.
the boys helped me regain myself and realize that my worth is precious... that there is someone out there who would treat me well, SO well that i would forget about playing lads...
and i i've never been sooooooooo much relieved days after what had happened.
i love this game... and i am gonna patiently wait for my main love interest to sweep me off my feet.
life update : i am all over the place right now [literally]
which is why i haven't been posting because i'm currently traveling.
but!
i got all five for the throes of eros.
and i am super overwhelmed with all of the game updates.
and kinda angry with the endless masquerade cause i find it difficult.
and i am heading back home tomorrow so after i sync my body clock back to normal... im gonna spam y'all with my bottled up fangirling thoughts and shit.
Well. I was sandwiched between work grind and lads grind. (That is why I am quiet these days because of a month's worth of work load that I need to finish miraculously within two days.)
i'll probably organize those stories or oneshots that i came up with during my two week sponty trip. and im just so excited for sylus's new myth like yaaaaaaas gimme some long white haired daaaaaddy! 😍😍😍
