[maktaetae]

Trigger warning!

Hi. I've been really inactive lately.

Let's just say my depression has been getting worse and my suicidal thoughts have peaked.

To the point where I am pretty much planning my suicide right now. I've been thinking about death a lot. And about the few things I wanna do before I die. If you see this, you can try to discourage me from killing myself but I dont think you'll be able to. I will give life one last chance but I am preparing everything to go.

My boyfriend broke up with me about two weeks ago and he was one of the biggest reasons why I didnt kill myself. The only thing keeping me here at this point is my mom. But she isn't enough anymore to hold me here. Yes she will be sad but ultimately she will be able to live with it, she's very strong. Maybe I will post again but if I don't then this is my goodbye

Thank you to everyone who read this.

[maktaetae]

Guess whos back after eating almost normally for two Werks and gaining two pounds?

Thats right, this fatass. But i got these water flavour powder thingis that are like 10 cals a bottle and I'm planning to pretty much only live off of these for the next weeks until I run out.

Time to get back on track and get skinny™

[maktaetae]

Ya girl just purged for the first time after eating like shit the whole day yayy, go me, so proud of you

Kill me :)

[maktaetae]

I swear to Satan if I wake up and weigh in at the same weight AGAIN I'm going to fucking kill myself. I am so sick and tired of plateouing

[maktaetae]

I hope y'all are proud of me

I had a mini binge. A little above 1000 cals. While I was supposed to fast. I'm on this diet along with a few other people from a discord server. Its legit like the 3rd day and I already fucked up

But I have a plan. I'm gonna fast tomorrow (originally was supossed to eat 300 cals) and then I'll try to continue with the diet and try my hardest not to fuck up again.

I mean I go overy calorie limit here and there, it happens. But I really rarely binge (if you can call that a binge) so yeah great job. Legit so scared to weigh myself tomorrow

[wanna-be-we1gtless]

The worst thing about having an eating disorder is finding is really funny meme but not being able to show your friends because they’ll find out

[maktaetae]

I relate to this soooo much

[maktaetae]

I am SO MAD Rn

I woke up sooo hungry but then I weighed myself and I gained 2 lbs. I wasn't able to weigh myself the past few days but I thought I was doing well.. I didn't eat anything I didn't plan and stayed under a pretty low cal limit

I am still so hungry, I have hunger pains and my stomach is growling but I just don't wanna eat or drink anything.. I hate everything.. It doesn't make sense.. God whyyy?!

I just wanna get out of the 60 kg and I was close a few days ago but my body just decided: hey why loose when I can gain even though she eats like 500 cals at most a day

[shitpostingvevo]

You also have these baby teenage mutant ninja turtles to protect you.

[mvlti-threxded]

This is actually such a good tactic for people with serious anxiety problems. Thank you. Really. Omg.

[magickkate]

immunity cat and the Tutant Meenage Neetle Teetles

[iivertigovisions]

Me and my anxiety thank you

[maktaetae]

Just thought I'd share that *~*

[maktaetae]

Omg..

So I'm just laying here, about to go to sleep, just watching a few "My eating disorder story" videos. And most of them are so extreme. Like, being scared to drink water cause you could gain weight from that, being sooo underweight that they could die at any second and all of that (I'm sure most of the people in this community have watched these kind of videos)

And so I'm laying here, scared shitless that it could get like that for me too but at the same time I think like.. I want that..

I mean, I know this is soooooo fucked up but.. Oof eds suck.

[fortheloveofallthingsskinni]

Some people are anorexic because they were traumatized and it feels like a way to control something.

Some people are anorexic because it’s a form of self harm. 

Some people are anorexic because one day they looked at the thinspo tag, got sucked, and couldn’t stop. 

Some people are anorexic because they were impatient with their weight loss. 

Some people are anorexic because their weight loss started out healthy and then it spiraled downwards. 

Some people are anorexic because they had fatphobe parents/partners. 

No matter why someone is anorexic, they are valid and they are struggling. Respect your fellow anorexics goddamnit. 

Edit: This post has gotten a lot of notes, and I just want to say that I really truly feel for you. I’ve gotten some responses, some reblogs, that absolutely horrify me. My dm’s are always open if you need to talk to me, as well as my discord (maethespacepancake#2582). 

[maktaetae]

Say it louder for the people in the back

[maktaetae]

So I'm just laying here in my bed, waiting for my mother to go walk the dogs so I can weigh myself. She would hear it when I do it when she's there so I have to wait. Thing is I can't eat or drink anything before I weigh myself. I'm freaking thirsty, my mouth is really dry and I just wanna drink coffee for gods sake. Normally on Sundays she goes to walk the dogs at 10 am. Its 10:30 right now. I've been awake for 45 minutes and I'm getting kinda annoyed rn. Help me 🙄

[maktaetae]

That Moment when

You are lying in bed, cuddling with your significant other and scrolling through ed tumblr. Even though you know that he could see every post I scroll through

But hey no risk no fun am I right

[maktaetae]

OKAY SO

I just took a shower at my bf place and I noticed they had a scale in their bathroom and I thought "why bot weigh myself to at least get an idea if I lost, gained or maintained" and forreal it said I'm at 57.9 kg. When I weighed myself on Sunday morning it said I was at 63.3 kilosss. Omg I really hope thats not just because its a different scale. I know that you should weigh yourself on the same scale always but I really hope I really lost that much weight and its the same when I get home and weigh myself.

[maktaetae]

Okay so I'm at my boyfriends place. I've eaten way to much yesterday, and today we are going to a party. I'm scared that I will eat too much again there and have not lost anything when I get home. I feel sooo disgusting and I just want to loose weight as quickly as possible. I hate the fact that I can't weigh myself here..

[cig-s0up]

thought I'd just..... drop this here.....

[maktaetae]

Please give me all of those blue wonder pilllls

[maktaetae]

That moment when..

You we're at a party the day prior and you are just so freaking scared to step on the scale the next day because you feel like you fucked up really bad even though you probably ate 750 cals at most. (And burned quite a lot)

Well I was so relieved cause I lost about a pound. How's your day going?

[maktaetae]

Remembering that last Christmas (hahaha) I was at just a little above 100 lbs and now I'm at a 138 lbs hurts so much. I need to get back down..