Dreaming

"From my rotting body,flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity." Erica|22|TX

[lareinecersei]

Watching another Mike Flanagan series is like

But also

[kiwi]

fleetwood mac and cheese :)

[geminizone]

[c-bassmeow]

[amour-nourriture-deactivated201]

i was toxic to some and a blessing to others. im willing to admit i wasn’t always in the right.

[maleficentdreams]

If you ever think you’re doing better in life and finally getting somewhere,go ahead and knock yourself back to the ground before life does it. It’s all a trick! Life can’t be that good,right?

[podrapanie]

its okay but i’m sad

[depressionhope]

So true

[paranoidxpsycho]

How do I delete myself?

[ladyghostbusters]

[icanthearyoudude]

im yelling out of my ass

[maleficentdreams]

😂😂3rd favorite show!

[uchanda]

therapist: how was your week?

me: mm.. i can’t remember

[maleficentdreams]

Don’t you just love being called “uneducated” because not everyone has rich parents that can afford to send them to college???? And some of us are drowning in student loans yet still have nothing to show for it. Maybe I wouldn’t be so “uneducated” if a generous shit talker would so kindly pay for my schooling. Just a thought.

[maleficentdreams]

I only ever make it out for a few months, then I’m hurled back to exactly where I don’t want to be and I’m left to explain to everyone why I’ve failed again. I can’t fail again. If I have to go back, idk what I’ll do. I’m tired of being the one who can’t do anything right. I swear I’m trying but somehow I’m not. Somehow I don’t move. I don’t change. I don’t progress. What’s the point now? I’ve been fine. I thought I was doing good. Jokes on me, I guess. Now I’m back to that exact feeling when I thought I wasn’t going to make another year. How can I be here again? I’m so frustrated. You don’t think I’m mad at myself? You don’t think I beat myself down every single second of every single day for being completely worthless? For walking the earth for 23 years and having nothing to show?And these impulsive thoughts I don’t act on are killing me. Run away. Jump off a bridge. Do whatever it takes to never fail again. Please. Please someone. Anyone. Tell me I’ll be ok. I’m too old to fail anymore. This might be my last chance and everything in me is saying to give up. Everyone else has already given up on me. I feel like I have no one. For gods sake, I’m crying writing a sob post on tumblr at 1am. This is definitely not where I wanted to be. I thought it was ok to be independent and try to find yourself. Guess I should’ve just stayed where I was comfortable and be miserably happy. I’m just lost. I need a hand. I need love. I need advice. I want to give up so badly.

[thegolddig]

[wolftyla]

I swear to God it’s real different when you can find love and a friendship in the same person.

[maleficentdreams]

Joni-Rough Day

Joni,pronounced Joany, came in today. A 6 year old border collie mix. I had never met Joni prior to this. It was a slow day as our main doctor is on vacation and one has Tuesdays off. This left us with one doctor, and it just so happens this doctor is the large animal specialist. We had a few small animal appointments throughout the day but overall a very slow day while the one doctor we did have stayed outside in the barn the majority of the time. Everyone was attempting to find something to do while engaging in typical work talk. Joni's dad came flying down the main hallway holding Joni by her top half while her bottom half dangled below. "EMERGENCY! She was hit by a car. Back end may be broken!". We all were sent into a rush as we've been acclimated to dealing with emergency/fast paced situation. Two girls grabbed Joni and whisked her off to X-ray as I ran to the barn to notify the doctor. Just as we already knew, doc ordered x-rays. I hurried into the x-ray room to help because painful dogs can be difficult to maneuver. We took x-rays of her pelvis,abdomen,and chest to check for broken bones and collapsed lungs. X-rays showed horrible breaks to both sides of her pelvis. Doc was finishing up outside so we laid multiple fluffy blankets on the ground to make Joni as comfortable as possible while we waited. We all laid on the ground next to her praying this was a situation that could be fixed. Hoping there was something we could do. Poor Joni was in so much pain. She laid there with her head on my coworkers lap while we all have her lots of love and encouragement. She licked us and looked at us with the saddest yet strongest eyes. She wasn't going to give up. Doc finally came in, looked at us wide eyed while he shook his head. "It's not good. That's not good." We were all devastated. "It can be fixed but it's going to cost quite a bit." We were all hopeful. As doc went to talk to the owner another coworker came in to inform us of what exactly happened. Joni's dad usually took her with him to work on the farm. Today was different as he was driving an uncovered tractor that did not have air conditioning. He didn't want her to get overheated so he said his goodbyes and went off to work. On his way home from lunch he could see Joni patiently waiting on the grass. The truck in front of him noticed her too. Without hesitation, the truck in front of him purposely swerved and ran Joni over, only to get right back on the rode and speed off. We were all infuriated. How could anyone do that? Doc came back to tell us the devastating news. Joni's dad couldn't afford the surgery and made the tough decision to euthanize her. We carried her into the waiting room so her dad could spend a little time with her. We all sat there and cried as we pet her. We didn't know this dog. We had never met her before. That made no difference in our hearts. This is the tough part of our job. No animal deserves that kind of pain or ending. But in the end, we, as humans, have to make the hard decisions to benefit the animals. It was hard. It hurt. Despite what you think, it never gets easier. I hope Joni gets justice. I'm glad she's riding all the tractors in puppy heaven. R.I.P sweet Joni.

[maleficentdreams]

Katie

This is going to be the hardest one to write. Katie was a 12-13 year old white lab. Katie was a BIG girl. And not fat either. She was tall and muscular. In her old age,she also developed fatty tumors all over her body. A couple cancerous tumors riddled her feet. Katie Bear was the sweetest dog and refused to ever show how much pain she was in. Her parents traveled a lot and have two children so we were Katie's home more and more towards the end. Katie was a special girl. She was the whole reason her parents even met. She pushed them together. When their youngest daughter started having seizures Katie would rush to get her parents then rush to the babies side to check on her. They knew Katie had cancer on her feet and her health was declining but the tipping point was when she was taken to a groomer in Houston and the story gets fuzzy from there. Katie must have fallen in the tub or while getting out because she couldn't stand up when her parents picked her up. She was rushed to us and we took x-rays that only really showed more arthritis in her hips. She was with us the rest of her life. She was in so much pain but still pushed on because she didn't want anyone to be sad. I would go to her kennel in the morning (sans leash because she was a good girl) and she would struggle to stand but once she was up she would wag her tail and do her little Katie smile and slowly walk outside. She was so determined that if you walked faster than her she would force her painful hips to keep up. I always took my time with her and we had a nice stroll to the grass runs every morning. I would sit with her and love on her while I hand fed her wet food. One morning we knew it was getting closer to time because she was chewing on her cancerous feet relentlessly,stopped taking her meds,her tongue was bleeding, and she would hardly get up anymore. We tearfully told her vet that we didn't think it was fair anymore. She contacted her parents who of course knew it was coming. The mom and daughters didn't want to remember Katie in such a way so they stayed home while her dad,the one who had her since she was a tiny puppy, sobbed over his baby. Luckily, I was not there to witness it. I was so so sad the days following and still look for her sometimes hoping it wasn't real but I know my Katie Bear is so happy and relieved now. I'll never forget the last time I saw her. We knew she was going home that night so we took her outside for a long time. Spent time with her. Loved on her. Took lots of pictures(which I can't legally post). And at the end of the day I went to her kennel,kissed her on the nose with tears in my eyes and said "I love you Katie Bear."