The Golden Hour

Hello Mellow Jellos. My name is Kristen and you have found your way into my universe. Take a look around and stay for a virtual cup of tea :] I spout a great deal of random nonsense but maybe you're into that.

[mama-llama-blog]

Existential Caffeinated Crisis

currently at a coffee shop studying for the GRE which is tomorrow and ruminating over where i’ll be 10 years from now. How do I feel? * rips out half of hair on head*

Taking a break to browse on tumblr and read over a few of my old posts.  WHY. Basically emulated the feelings of looking at your hairstyles and fashion choice in middle school. Angst and cringy-ness. There was a part of me that had at least a small ounce of creativity and depth. I want to go back to my roots.

What should i post about?

[mama-llama-blog]

A friend once told me that a good memory is like your favorite sweater.

 A good memory keeps you warm and provides the perfect amount of comfort whenever you need it. It’s one of the simplest things you can throw on to feel good in. But over time sweaters wear from all the use and end up retiring to the back of your closet.

Your parents put it in the charity box to donate to the local Goodwill, but you sneak it back into your room. You can’t wear it, but you love it so much that you keep it anyway. Some memories are like that. You keep them even though you know you shouldn’t, even if they are useless to you. Even though favorite sweaters can  be replaced with newer favorite sweaters. 

One day you may find yourself rummaging for something to wear, and your eyes might settle on a crumpled heap that you forgot. It hold your gaze so you’ll pick it up.  It may not even be recognizable, but it’ll strike a sense of nostalgia. Holes and stains from a faded period of time you can hardly recall. Some memories are like that. 

Anything worn out was once well-loved.

[mama-llama-blog]

Hello? Hi.

[intensefoodcravings]

Matcha Tofu Cheesecake 豆腐チーズケーキ | Vintage Trinkets

[mama-llama-blog]

Groan*

[-vvaste]

[mama-llama-blog]

Into the Mirror

I searched the mirror for answers;

lips; no words to console

eyes; could not meet my own

i looked inside myself instead and saw

my reflection clearer than before

[mama-llama-blog]

Unknown

I don’t want to think that the purpose we were put in each others lives was to make each other better and then disappear forever. I’ve thought about the possibilities and I am both happy and terrified.

[mama-llama-blog]

Dreamer

Growing up my parents would scold me about having presence of mind. I guess that was their softer way of saying I looked dumb when I zoned out. I started to think that something was wrong with me and that I was too different from the rest of my family. It wasn’t until I got older that I realized being called absent-minded was truly not the case. I was very present in my own mind and my own thoughts. My dreams were colorful sci-fi fantasy movies. In the library i would gravitate towards fiction: tales of mythical creatures, royalty, magic, and supernatural forces. I liked anime. I love drawing and all things artistic. I was the polar opposite of my older sister who was smart and athletic and accused me of being too weird and emo. 

I still daydream. I still look kinda dumb with that far away look in my eye. But i’m more confident and proud that I take the time to explore the caverns within my mind. I’m an introvert. I’m highly intuitive and deeply empathetic.  I’ve become stronger, wiser, and more self aware. After alot of though I found out that I actually kinda like myself.

[mama-llama-blog]

Life is not about the great things the world can give you, but the great things you can add to it.

[mama-llama-blog]

reconnecting

I’m really bad at maintaining friendships. But recently, I’ve been trying my best t reconnect with people and it’s made all the difference. I feel lucky to have people in my life who welcome me back without batting an eyelash. Even if i have my own reasons, I truly am blessed with friendships I don’t think I deserve.

:’)

[mama-llama-blog]

New hair, same old me 💛

[mama-llama-blog]

[mama-llama-blog]

First Crush

it was in elementary school around 3rd grade. For some reason potential boyfriends were limited to boys with spikey hair. But I knew I was "in like" when I thought he was still cute with his hair down. He was also mean to girls. Because you know, girls at this age have cooties that can melt your face off at any given moment. I felt he was especially mean to me but damn, those stalagmites of gelled hair got me. Every. Time.

Now, this crush continued on for a while throughout 4th and 5th grade. It wasn't until 6th grade that my crush became pretty obvious. I sent an anonymous Valentine gram lollipop with a question mark next to where it said "from:" Which for a 6th grader was a pretty brazen move. So i did what any other 6th grader would and asked my friend -> to ask a friend-> to ask my crush if he liked me back because i had been agonizing over a potential mistake that cost me $1 (which was lot of money back then).

My loyal friend reported what she had heard through the grapevine. and I quote:

" He likes you because you're smart. But he likes Sheena (code name) because she's pretty. "she said.

" But...does he think I"m pretty?" I managed to squeak out.

And that was when I first learned that love hurts </3

[paris2london]

[mama-llama-blog]

YES

[elenamorelli]

{ walking in the forest on a snowy day }

[mama-llama-blog]

What's New Kristen?

1) I swear now.

20 something years of abstaining from foul language makes cussing SO damn satisfying now. I still use it quite sparingly though ^^ curse words are a garnish not an entree.

2) I care a little less.

As in, I care less about petty crap like making unimportant people like me or trying to be their friend, envying ungenuine friendships etc. It's refreshing!

3) I graduated !

College education... CHECK.

ok... other than that I'm still the same ^^

[mama-llama-blog]

The Golden Hour

Hello again, ok now that i got that depressing stuff out of the way in my previous post I can talk about something brighter (literally). Since it's been about 1.5-2 years since I've really posted anything on tumblr I won't skip the formalities of reintroducing myself to you again.

so uh... Hello! My name is Kristen, but friends call me Llama or Mama-Llama. I just graduated Nursing school so I am currently trying to figure out how to have a life again haha ^^ - no but really. 

Story behind my tumblr title: The Golden Hour

In the past I dated two guys who were really into photography and cinematography in the past so that's where I learned what this term was. Golden hour is the period after sunrise or right before sunset where daylight is redder and softer (according to wiki lol) but pretty much it's one of the most ideal times to film and take pictures because colors are more vibrant and there are nice strong shadows and highlights.

I titled my tumblr golden hour because I'm trying to capture the most vibrant and beautiful times of my life.

Queso huh?

p.s. I'm "thegoldenhour" on Instagram :]