When I was younger, my older siblings would offer me candies and snacks so I could clean their rooms since I got very hyper and needed something to do. But when we ran out of snacks, they'd give me spoonfuls of raw sugar, lmao. And that shit had me jumping off the walls, cleaning, running around, and then crashing. I believe they would do this with Beelzebub.
Cred: @enchanthings-a for the divider
Satan stared at the list of chores stuck to the fridge like it was personally out to get him. “I’m not doing the kitchen. I did it last time.”
Ugh, same. I just did my skincare routine and there’s no way I’m risking fumes and elbow grease on my pores. Not happening.” Asmodeus said from the doorway, already filing his nails.
Satan turned to glare. “You never do the kitchen.”
“Well then, it’s your turn to keep up the streak,” Asmo said sweetly, giving him a wink.
They both stared at the disaster zone that used to be the kitchen. Crumbs. Grease. Questionable slime. Something was moving in the sink but neither addressed it.
Asmo sighed. “Too bad Beel’s not home. He’d do it if we gave him snacks.”
Satan looked at him slowly. “...Is he not home?”
Asmo blinked. “...Wait. No. He is home.”
Both of them turned in unison, eyes lighting up.
Beel was on his bed surrounded by snack wrappers, eating what looked like a meat bun stacked with marshmallows. He blinked slowly as they entered, mid-chew.
“Hey Beel,” Asmo said, voice sing-songy and suspicious. “If you wash the dishes, I’ll give you this whole box of cupcakes,” Asmo said sweetly, holding it up like a treasure chest.
Beel stared. “...All of them?”
“All twelve,” Asmo nodded.
Beel stood up immediately and marched to the kitchen without a word.
Satan and Asmo exchanged grins.
Five minutes later, Beel was scrubbing the stove with unnatural vigor. Satan dropped an entire blueberry pie on the table.
“Nice job. Do the counters too and this is yours.”
Beel didn’t even respond. Just nodded and kept scrubbing.
Asmo came back with a handful of fancy chocolates and candies. “If you clean the hallways too, I’ll throw these in.”
By the time Levi peeked into the hallway, Beel was on his knees scrubbing tile grout with the focus of a man on a mission.
Levi blinked. “…Why is Beel doing all the chores?”
“He’s working for snacks,” Satan said, arms crossed and smug.
Levi narrowed his eyes. “No way. For real?”
“Yup,” Asmo chimed. “We just gave him some desserts and now look at him go.”
Levi stared a little longer, “...Are there any snacks left?”
“Almost out,” Satan muttered.
Levi ran to the fridge, flung it open, empty. Just sauces and condiments. He checked the freezer. A single bag of peas. He turned to the cabinets. Nothing but flour, chocolate chips, and random baking supplies.
“Guys—there’s no food left.”
“Sucks for you.” Satan said smugly.
Leviathan starts going through the ingredients and pulls out a tub of frosting. “Beel! If you sweep the dining room, I’ll give you this!”
Beel was already halfway there with the broom.
Next came the chocolate chips.
They were throwing ingredients at him like bribes.
Two hours in, everything was gone. Every. Last. One.
Levi opened the fridge. “Guys... we’re out of everything.”
Satan slammed the pantry. “Nothing in here either.”
Asmo opened the cabinets, then froze. Slowly, his eyes fell on a giant glass jar sitting at the back. “I mean... we do have the sugar.”
All three were now looking at the big glass jar tucked in the back.
“No way,” Levi said. “Lucifer will kill us.”
“Just one spoon,” Satan offered. “It’s not like we’re feeding him crack.”
“That is his version of crack,” Asmo muttered, but no one listened.
Ten minutes later Beel was moving like a blur.
Like a demon possessed. Like if caffeine had legs.
The living room? Spotless. The hallway? Gleaming. The ceiling? Polished. He was scrubbing walls with one hand and vacuuming with the other. Someone handed him another spoon of sugar and he immediately started cleaning under the couch cushions.
“He’s not even doing assigned chores anymore,” Asmo whispered in awe, clutching the empty sugar jar.
“He’s cleaning the doorknobs,” Levi said. “Individually.”
Satan stares like he was watching a ghost.
By the time the front door creaked open, the house was sparkling. Literally sparkling.
Mammon walked in first, mid-sentence. “I’m just saying, if anyone touched my chips again, I’m gonna—”
Mammon slowly took off his sunglasses. “...Did we get robbed by a cleaning crew?”
Belphegor wandered in, yawning. “Is it… glowing in here?”
Lucifer walked in behind them, scanning the walls like they were booby-trapped. “...What the hell is going on?”
Every surface was gleaming. The banister reflected the chandelier. The hallway smelled like sugar and victory. Even the doorknobs looked polished.
Lucifer narrowed his eyes and walked toward the living room.
Beel was passed out cold on the couch, drooling into a pillow. Asmo was laying face-down on the rug. Satan had his back against the wall, looking dazed. Levi was curled up next to the entertainment system with a bruise on his forehead.
Lucifer blinked. “…What happened.”
Asmo held a finger to his lips. “Shhh… we just got him to sleep.”
Lucifer didn’t say anything. Just slowly turned and walked toward the kitchen. That’s when they heard it.
“WHERE THE HELL IS ALL THE FOOD?!” Mammon screamed.
Levi, Satan, and Asmo all looked at each other and shrugged.
Lucifer gave them a long, murderous stare.
Lucifer stared, fuming. “Explain. Now.”
Satan pointed at Beel. “We... may have fed him sugar.”
“A lot of sugar,” Levi added.
“...Like... half the jar,” Asmo admitted, wincing.
“Well…the whole jar.” Satan added.
Lucifer didn’t speak. His eye twitched.
“YOU GAVE HIM FUCKING SUGAR?!”
This basically sums up my early childhood, being the youngest meant I was the designated sugar-powered cleaner. Honestly surprised I don’t have ten cavities and a permanent twitch, lmao.
