Day To Day New Life

[mandakellison-blog]

Adventures in Subbing.... pre Spring Break edition

This week I have learned something new each day. Tuesday I learned humility and the ability to allow natural leaders to use their abilities. I know nothing about creating music. The piano lessons I begged for as a child are buried in the recesses of my memory. I wound up in Orchestra, though. Armed with detailed lesson plans I turned the class over to the first chair, the student who had worked the hardest. This student had the skills to control the class and make them better. Thursday I learned how people who view themselves as different can work to make themselves better. I learned about happiness in all things no matter what. Today, I learned how determination and simple caring can help with the success of others. Taking an alternative approach and treating each person with respect goes along way. Each day I sit in a teacher’s classroom I am so grateful to be surrounded by their students. I am able to immerse myself in it and try to understand the kids and the watcher and how they interact.

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Millennials, network marketing and money.

Ok let’s face it, the millennial generation is coming up and they are taking over the world. They are becoming the key target audience as they slowly start to dominate the workforce. This generation is the key to value and profits.

Their world is full of distractions. In one minute nearly 300,000 Facebook statuses are shared and over 500,000 Facebook comments are posted (zephoria.com). The amount of new content available to any user is overwhelming and these are just Facebook statistics. Any marketing or advertising needs to grab the attention of a user and keep it.

Marketer and designers must create interesting and share-worthy content that creates engagement. The more content engagement, the longer it stays relevant. Information is always a few key stokes away. Any business must be trustworthy in their claims,   because it just takes one person that can type quickly to bring down lofty or faulty affirmations. Behind every claim there should be a reason and value. How will this thing make my life better?  What is the experience I should be getting from it? We are a tribal culture and are constantly looking to be part of something. Social media has both increased and decreased the size of our social circles. Before the world wide web people congregated in groups according to geography and then into smaller interest groups. It was easy to be isolated for being different. Now, if someone looks hard enough they will find friends with similar interests all over the globe. Products and services have the ability to bring groups together into tribes even over long distances.

Network Marketing is becoming more and more popular and it may take over traditional business models in the future. In the older generations a stigma is attached to these companies, however the upcoming generations will latch on to the structure, or lack of it. These companies were once reserved for bored housewives that needed a hobby. Now with the introduction of the social and information age representatives that throw themselves into their market can become highly successful. These companies create the perfect breeding ground for millennials looking for success. It starts with the ability to do business from their phone, or tablet while checking their Facebook account. Successful marketing campaigns use influencers to tout their product. Influencers don’t have to be celebrities. They can be regular people who have build a following, but either way their opinions are trusted. Being involved in a network marketing business gives the representative the ability to become an influencer in their social circle. Their success depends on the dedication to the product and how much they believe in it. A tribe develops and both the representative and the customer become part of something bigger.

These companies are not get rich quick schemes, rather they are the ability to get out what you put in. They can become a way to find retirement and financial freedom, but the representative must work for it. They have to be willing to saturate themselves within the product or the service.

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Adventures in Subbing:

Well, today I am in Band…… the notice said Fine arts!  I thought I would be an art teacher being surrounded by aspiring young artists.

Nope… I am in band.

I had a hard time trying to get past the stereotypes.  I digress. The good thing is that most likely the kids in these classes give a crap and are not planning on eating Tide Pods later.  Ok that was my rant. When I texted Jeff about my classes his response an infographic on different types of instruments. It is a good thing I love him. It is also something I will use for future reference if the need arises.

Today I wonder... can you be physically ill from noise? I also have decided that guitar is my new favorite instrument.

I had fun. I get to tell the same jokes over and over, which does make me happy. I enjoyed my day and enjoyed the kids around me. I do well with chaos and this is what subbing full time is about.

I am lucky enough to get glimpses of greatness in each class. As the day ended, one student came into the band room. He had come in at lunch too, but the overwhelming noise drowned him out. (Each element was trying to overpower the others. This is where the physical effects of bad sound came into play.)

This kid sat down at the piano and just started to play. All his emotion was put into that instrument and it was beautiful and inspiring. I still feel his music even now, over 6 hours later. Dang Iceife…  if Jara didn’t have a lesson this afternoon I would have just stayed and let him play until he was ready to go home. It was that beautiful.

I look at the kids I have had a chance to meet and I see them as the future of our world. Some of them are going to change it. Some of them are going to make it better and some of them will get the shits from eating soap.

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Gizmo

Everyone has a story, it is time I tell hers…..

Kindi, Gizmo, Giz-Monster, Gizzy… all names that describe this beautiful brave little girl. Three months ago, my biggest fear was that she would never smile again. A disturbing parent teach conference confirmed my suspicion that she quit trying at school. She stopped eating her lunch and never brought snacks. She started fading away the day her daddy died and we were all so consumed in our grief it was hard to see hers.

She started playing roller hockey in October, the moment she put her skates on I could see a small part of her coming back. She would grin just a bit and laugh here and there. Even though she still lacked confidence, the sport became the highlight of her week.

A twist of fate forced my hand and we moved to Idaho sooner than planned. A broken arm kept Gizmo off her skates through Christmas. As soon as her cast came off it was time to get her back in the game.

Idaho Falls doesn’t have a roller hockey league, they play on the ice. The moment she hit the ice in her full gear it was like coming home. She started smiling. She started laughing. Every time she skated her smile lasted longer, and she played harder.

This weekend she played in her first tournament. As she skated with her team she smiled the entire time. She pushed herself harder and faster. It was hard for me. Her daddy was not here to pick her up off the ice when she got done, or high five her when she went in. We couldn’t see him yelling encouragements as she played, but I know he was there. He is proud of his baby.

In three months, this little girl found herself and came out of her shell. In three months, I got the little girl who faded away, back.

[mandakellison-blog]

Marketing strategy meeting #lostandfund #amandaellisondesign #teapartyplanning

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My Journey to the MFA: Mastery and Passion

My Journey to the MFA: Mastery and Passion

As I sit and I reflect on each course I realize that hindsight is quite clear.

 The three main takeaways from this class are:

1.     Design solves problems.

2.     Passion and drive create masters.

3.     Creativity must meet strategy to find diversity.

You use typography to accent the story. The Romeo and Juliet Poster assignment was designed to show how well you can add type and copy into a one page visual narrative. My unicorn poster was a large accomplishment for this month just because I learned a lot about how to create something that is pleasing to more than just yourself.

 Brands and companies are not the same thing, a company is tangible, the brand is a feeling. It is up to the designer to point the user toward the feeling. Rainy Day Toys is a brand with a niche market. To successfully advertise to them you must step out of your comfort zone and into the head of the consumer. Later in the course this would be defined as a mindset change as indicated in the Human Centered Design process. You should immerse yourself in the culture of your user and your company to find the ways that design solves problems.

 A testimonial is a story from a user point of view. It allows the consumer to see the human side of a company. This is the experience that we provide to the end user. We get to show them how their problems are solved, using a testimonial we get to show them that they have a tribe to come to. The imagine if campaign that I created for the American Farmland Trust tugged at the heart of the user and allowed them to see what could happen without farmland.

 If you want to be different and edgy, that is great, just have a plan.

Mood boards are designed to bring a project together. If I had a greater understanding of the process during this month I would have made the Hooligan’s work. There are multiple tools available for web design that make the creative process easier.

 Month 6 and 7 were hard on me emotionally. During these months, I hit huge brick walls and I lost most of the passion I had when I started this program. The biggest accomplishment I had was getting through them and knowing that I could redeem myself.

As the last half of the course progressed I started to feel more and more like a story teller. I had been focused on an idea of creating a user experience rather than creating advertising elements. The Turtle Jamboree designs started to come together. My weakest points were creating a cohesive brand strategy and the rational of my work. Knowing that I needed to work on these elements prepared me for creating my thesis.

 I got back in the swing of school in month 8 and worked to create a strong and cohesive strategy. I spent a lot of time recreating in the previous months and finally was struck with inspiration. While I realize that a balloon may create danger to sea turtles, the balloon symbol created a sense of whimsy and wonder and signified family fun.

 In month nine I worked on my relationship with After Effects and we soon came to an understanding. I spent hours watching tutorials and now have a greater understanding of how animation works. Creating my animated logo and the promotional video were high points and projects I was proud of.

 The research from month 10n allowed me to see how my designs worked, but it also allowed me to see how you can skew results.

Month 11: well, I worked hard, I cried a lot and I passed my thesis!

In the end, I leave my fellow students and advisors with this. I learned how to make a unicorn. Both in the literal sense, I figured out how to make a unicorn in Illustrator and in the figurative sense. I learned to believe and to continue to look for ways of being better then you were yesterday and different from the crowd.

[mandakellison-blog]

Thank you heaven

Dear Josh

I really do think of you everyday. Some people think I forgot about you, but mainly I just like to keep you inside so you never go away.

A few days ago I found out my master’s thesis would be accepted and I was going to get my master’s degree (granted I still have to get through this last month.) I am getting it while recovering from heartbreak, learning that the people who you thought would always have your back really don’t, finding out who really does care, moving two times, creating a new relationship and being a mommy to your amazing children.

Kindi and I were driving together to find her more hockey gear (I bet you love watching her come alive on the ice) when I looked up to the cloudy sky. There was one opening, not very big and hardly noticeable. In that opening I could see a rainbow. I knew you sent that to me. I knew you were proud. 

I know that through this process you have supported me from heaven. Thank you for your love and support. 

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I lost my husband less than a year and a half ago. In the weeks that followed his family promised me that my children and I would always have a place to be and we were part of the ranch. I was lost and distraught holding on to any piece of the man I dedicated my life to.

The next few months were a blur but suddenly I started waking up. I started realizing that life moves forward. It does not move on, there is a part of me that will always be with Josh, but I had to continue to live.

I started to do so, making my own decisions and living life. The more I started living the more the “family” that said they would love me no matter what became resentful and angry. I got a dog from my friend, this pup was my savior on many hard nights and I was more grateful for him then words can really express. Even last night, he snuggled with me and lent me his warmth to fill my heart.

This dog angered them, and I ended up in my mother in law’s car one night having her tell me that I have no rights to the “home” I worked for and dedicated myself to for my entire adult life. I cried that night knowing that I had to stay in this home as long as possible because my children deserved to know their daddy and I thought this was the only way they could learn.

Let me tell you about my “home” the place that I was so graciously allowed to live in. There was mold through the entire building and mice in the walls. The dry wall was so rotted that the electrical plugs were no longer stable and most were hanging out. I was a small scared woman that had been treated like a subhuman for a long time. Not because Josh didn’t love me, but that is how he was raised. I didn’t know what else to do so I clung to this run down shack, not knowing how to elevate myself from it. My children were sick so many days, and I chose to stay there for much longer then I should have.

As I started to live my life without the burden of this family, they became angry. There were times when my mother in law would make horrible comments, things about the way I dressed or the things I said. I no longer could handle the verbal degradation and again chose to decrease communication. It was a long summer, there were times when my children would play outside the only home they ever knew while their “family” would refuse to acknowledge them. This family continued to treat me as a subhuman, going above and beyond to make me unwelcome. They even made an unnecessary doctor’s appointment out of state without my knowledge. I found out through my daughter who was excited. They would go to my children and make plans with them, putting these girls in the middle. I had been manipulated for nearly a year and decided I would not allow my children to be manipulated in this way.

The summer was one of the worst I could have imagined because the treatment both my children and I received. We had a place to go in town and would escape there as often as possible. This summer wore me down and as of right now I am having to work twice as hard in my schooling because the mental anguish during this time caused me to nearly fail two months of classes.

This came to a head in September during a 4-h show. It popped like any festering wound and we talked. Again, they said things about being a family and about love. They wanted us to keep our animals at the ranch and be a part of it again.

I was moving in two weeks and on September 15th my children and I were free. We were free of the control and the anguish. We were free to live and experience life. We were free. I was in a clean apartment, no longer worried about how I was going to keep my pipes from freezing all winter or if my children would get sick because of mold. Their color improved and their stamina came back. The only time they would be “sick” or “hurt” is when they would spend any time with their grandparents. I saw such a drastic change in their behavior I monitored their time.

The less time they spent with this “family” the happier they were.

I still allowed time, not much just a few hours here and there. It was only fair. On Wednesday, November 1st. They went to have an afternoon with their grandpa. They went to ice cream and saw their aunts. My oldest daughter told her papa about their exciting plans to take her horse to Idaho to a facility with an indoor arena. When I came to get the girls nothing was said to me about money or about animals, however this is the day they chose to place a lien against mine and my child’s horses.

Two days later we showed up to a locked gate and a notice of us owing $9000.00 for boarding since the day Josh passed away.

A sheriff had to escort me on to the property to retrieve my horse trailer, only because we had the title in hand. Jimmy and Jared were angry and hateful and I was scared to even get out of the truck. They were verbally aggressive and hostile to the point of physical contact with the sheriff and my boyfriend. My children watched their grandfather almost get arrested for misconduct. It scared them, but more than that it hurt them.

Jara felt like it was her fault and that she was used to hurt me.

These people have shown months of control and manipulation of my children and anger when I don’t allow them to continue. They chose to go to the schools to try to contact the girls, instead of attempting to work a process out with me.

They will put these children in the middle of a war they are fighting in their own mind. They even went as far as bringing the school an invalid guardianship upon death declaration. This to me is a form of harassment and a threat.

I want nothing more than to remove them from mine and my children’s life. A protection order is not the way to do so though. They need to choose to let go. We are moving forward in our life and without the fear of manipulation and negativity of these people we are happy.

[mandakellison-blog]

There are days in your life that you will hold in your heart forever. The moment when you say “I Do,” when your children are born and when your husband dies.

(I guess I should say this in a much more politically correct way, but to that I say screw off.)

For most of us the day we lose our partner and we complete our first vows is one that comes late in life. For those chosen few that day comes early and we are left to pick up the pieces. (It has been over a year Amanda… what the hell are you writing about this for, again? Acceptance... that is why.)

It was a beautiful day; the grass was green and the birds were singing. On any other day I would have been getting ready for a picnic on the Fourth or just enjoying the world outside. Not this day, I don’t know why I remember the vivid green of the grass, only that it was an otherworldly color.

I got out of the car and two beautiful blonds rushed to me.  Momma!  Momma! You’re home! Momma!  Where is daddy? This question was greeted with silence. I had to get them somewhere alone to tell them.

“Momma,” this time more reserved. “Where is daddy, is he coming home too?”

I played the scene in my head and thought I was ready. Let me tell you, there is nothing that prepares you for when you have to tell your babies that their daddy is not coming home.

Jara was 9, but only just barely. Her birthday was a few months earlier, it was the first crazy girl sleep over we had. Josh did a scavenger hunt.

Kindi was 6 and a half. Just barely not a baby. Both of these girls were too young to hear this news.

We sat in the meadow and we talked and we cried. Kindi held her tears, I really don’t think she knew what to do. Jara cried, her best friend was not coming home to her.

Kindi talked to him last, Jara was busy doing something. He cried when he got off the phone with her. My heart broke, but I still held on to hope she would see him in just a few weeks when he was strong enough to walk down stairs.

Crazy… that would have been a miracle. I would have given anything to see him walk more than a few feet.

That day I don’t hold in my heart, rather it is imprinted on my soul. It is the day I started changing and had to become someone of strength, a mom that could hold her babies while they cried and a woman who was not afraid to cry for her husband.

I was thrown into the forge that day with so many others, three of us at the center, feeling his loss. We have been heated and beaten to become strong. We have joined together, each separate but needing the others.

The process of becoming a strong blade may never finish, but each time we are heated the metal becomes more pure and fierce.

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Made with Adobe Illustrator Draw Get it at: http://bit.ly/adobedraw

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Time and energy

Jara and I had an interesting conversation going to school this morning. She told me a story about someone else who had kids who played football. She started out but saying, “Mom, they cheated!”

When you get pads, and play tackle (I guess, this is all here say… lol) you must weigh in and if you are overweight for your class you must wear a red ribbon and can’t carry the ball. The larger kids are harder to knock down.

Her story continued about a coach who told two of his kids to switch so the bigger kid could carry the ball. Per the story, this switch caused the other team to lose. She was aghast at this, how dare they cheat!

I was proud of her integrity, knowing that she had a great idea of right and wrong, but I asked her. “What does this have to do with you? What did you learn?”

She was quiet for a moment and finally said, “I won’t ever switch jerseys.”

We talked for just another minute after that and I asked how her life was effected. “Well, it wasn’t mom.” And if this changes any part of her day. “Well, mom, it doesn’t.”

I have been playing this in mind over and over this morning, thinking of the things that we can learn.

When you are looking in to someone else’s situation, it is easy to judge. It is easy to say, “They are wrong.” The thing is, just like a window into a house, you only get a small piece of the puzzle.  You don’t know the whole situation. Maybe it was a crazy, win at all costs coach. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe the coach had nothing to do with it and the kids planned it. Maybe the kid just really wanted to play too. As an outside spectator, three times removed, I can’t say, so I can’t judge.

Jara wanted me to join her in a bashing of the coach and was quiet when I just said that it was none of our business. Again, it is easy to focus on someone else’s shortcomings so we don’t have to look at our own. As a society, this is becoming more and more common place. We jump on the problems of politics, or movie stars or that person on social media or that person that we may not like. We focus on the things we see them doing wrong through the window. It makes us feel better about the things in our life.

We place blame on things when they go wrong. They switched jerseys and that is the only reason our team lost. What about skill or practice? What about the chance of an off day? What about things that we can control. If I can blame someone else, I am not at fault and I don’t have to change.

What can we accomplish if we don’t focus on the other person? What can we accomplish if we don’t place blame?

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You know when you are reading a book and you finish a chapter, there is a blank space right before you start the next one. In this space the author is deciding what they want to do. Does the heroin Continue the struggle where she is at?  Does she start finding a solution? Is this the chapter that she kicks ass and takes names?

The blank space is the pause it is the thought. The blank space is one of the most uncomfortable places to be. For a widow the blank space is where she spends a lot of time. Each book is different and the blank space may go on for pages as she tries to find her footing and take any steps. The chapters may be short as she explores new worlds. The chapters may be long as she waits to find the next best thing.

The blank space is where you have control. It may not seem that way, but this is where she gets to decide how the next chapter starts. This is where she gets to breathe and find her bearings.

As I sit in a half empty house I get to breath in between chapters. (Really by breathe, I mean cry my eyes out). I m catching my breath and getting ready for the next chapter. This is the one where the heroine will start kicking ass and taking names. Or it might just be the one where she starts getting her shit together after the world being turned on end so many times. Either way tonight I sit in the blank space and I prepare for what is coming next.

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The innocence and love a child Is something we should all strive for.

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All you have are memories

I apologize in advance for the length and sappiness of this post, but I have some stuff on my mind. If you are prone to tears please turn back now.

Today my baby girl competes in her first 4-h show.  This is one of those moments that I thought would never come, but it did.  It came without my knowing and it came without delay.  Suddenly this beautiful ten year old is showing.

As a parent we try our hardest.  Sometime we make our kids cry because we push them to hard (raises hand and acknowledges this fact).  Sometimes we tell them how amazing they are and how great they are doing. The most important thing we can do as parents is provide our children with memories.

There is nothing that gives me such a bittersweet feeling then when the girls talk about their daddy.  They tell stories about what we did and the things that he did for them. I listen and laugh and sometimes try not to cry. We all tell stories and we all relive those moments. This is his legacy, the memories that he provided to these beautiful girls. They will always have that.

Fast forward back to today. I have cried a couple times because this was his heart and this was what he drove for. Not much longer after  the moment I told him I was pregnant did he start building the ultimate heifer and cow heard for her to show. He would love to be here. This is also his legacy, this is his heart. There is so much more to that, he gave her a man in her life that is willing to step up and is walking her horse right now. (Like right now, as I type) He makes her smile and keeps her calm when I am a wreck. He isn’t here to replace, just to love and help make memories.

The day came and went and just like any other day there was no stopping it. I learned a few things: Appreciate what you have, Jara is really, really big and there is no stopping or changing time.

There are those moments that you just want to keep forever. Well, those moments are the ones that will really matter. The time will slip away but you can always hold those memories in your heart.  The best part of the heart is that it has unlimited storage for these.  You can always add more, and you really should.

I am so lucky to have the opportunity to make more memories with my two girls and the two girls I was given by the amazing man that came to our life.

I am sad for those that don’t want to make memories because it hurts to bad to remember.

Mainly I am grateful for realizing that there are so many more memories to be made.

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Happy things

The other night my mind was going a million miles an hour and I thought I should write about it. Then I realized that I don't ever post about happy things! I thought and though, why? The truth is that I want to hold on to those moments. I want to cherish them and keep them inside. It is this reason that I don't tell happy stories. So why do I write about hard things and the thoughts that make me stronger. I do it so I can release it. When I write it the tension or the action is gone. I write about inspiring things because I hope that someday someone will read it and think they can get through anything. I have a lot on my mind still and not many happy things right now. It is ok though, the thing is that happy moments are created by the person, not the situation.

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I am here for a reason

This morning as I was sitting by the pool during our blended family vacation. I was downing coffee and a protein bar trying to get in the mood too jump in. A beautiful woman with a cane walked past and stopped asking if she could sit for a moment. She asked about my tattoos and where she should get one done.  Her words were blurred and you could tell there was something more to this person. In our conversation I told her I wanted the Wonder Woman symbol so that I would always remember that I can do anything.  

We talked more and she told me her story. She had been in a car accident at 16 and had to relearn basic functions due to a major brain injury.  A few years later she was in another, this time with so many injuries she was lucky to have survived. I looked at her and said, “You know you should get Wonder Woman too.”  She laughed.  “Well,” she said, “I am here for a reason, I should find out why.”

We don't get to choose the cards we are dealt.  We only get to play the hand.  This is a woman who had every right to hate life.  She had every reason to choose to quit living, but she didn’t.  She didn’t ever stop.  She swam with her nieces and laughed and smiled.  

I gained a hero today.  I am so grateful for those few minutes I took to just try to wake up. If I didn’t take them I may not have met her. 

The past shapes who you are but always remember you are here for a reason, you might as well figure out why.

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Be You and that is Enough

We put Kindi’s horse down last night, I pulled the trigger.  I did what needed to be done and that is what really matters, right?  As it turns out it still hurt.  It still hurt to feel the loss of a friend.  

Loss and tragedy is such a hard thing to go through.  It is a hard concept to grasp. It is hard to understand and even harder to sympathize with. 

You look at happy social media pictures and you wonder, why?

Things go haywire and you don’t feel like you are worth it.  People you thought loved you don’t anymore.

The thing is that the people that have always been there or the ones that have really stepped up are the ones that matter. The ones that show how much they love you just by being by your side.  The ones that understand tragedy or loss and can really love are the ones that mean the most.  

To these people you can just be you.  You are enough. You on the good days is enough and more importantly you on the bad days is enough.

I pulled the trigger last night and had a bad day. I found out the ones that think I am enough and the ones that don’t.  The loss of the ones that don’t is harder than the loss of her horse.  I know where he is.  He is riding with my first love, and they are both smiling down.