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DID isn’t just “alter disorder” it comes with a huge amount of severe dissociation (detachment/depersonalization/derealization) on a regular hour to hour basis, c-ptsd (flashbacks, panic attacks, severe anxiety, depression, etc) a warped view of time (or time passing), as well as a loss of time / memory (amnesia), migraines or psychosomatic pain / feelings (pnes can be comorbid), can come with symptoms of psychosis due to severe trauma, can cause catatonic dissociation, etc etc. It’s also not uncommon for systems to have comorbid / other disorders like OCD, BPD, etc. DID isn’t just “having alters” it’s so much fucking more than just that, and I’m sick of people only thinking of the “alters” aspect and not the parts that just as hard, if not sometimes harder, to deal with.

furiousgoldfish

Common thoughts of neglected children:

my parents are just too busy to notice something is wrong with me

they just don’t know how to show they care

they are too stressed with their own lives to pay attention to me

they’re worried they’re going to say something wrong, so they say nothing

they can’t handle taking care of me because I’m too problematic and demanding so they’re just waiting for me to grow up

I’m not someone who needs care and my parents know this

they would have cared if they noticed something was wrong

they would have noticed if my depression/anxiety/ptsd got worse

they would have acted if something seriously bad happened to me

bad things that happened to me were no big deal, I could handle it alone

they were worried about spoiling me so they made me take care of myself

they didn’t want me to grow up a wimp so they made sure I couldn’t

they were teaching me responsibility when they left me all on my own

they believed I was doing much better than I really was

they didn’t neglect me on purpose, it just happened

I understand them too much and I’m horrified at the mere thought of them taking care of me

they in a way that suffocates me, I preferred the neglect

I did okay on my own, I’m fine, my streak of abusive friendships and relationships is my responsibility to deal with

I didn’t need a lot of care as a kid

I was a rotten child who didn’t deserve any care

hyperneonnightmarekid

having DID is just a bunch of invisible ppl always moving ur stuff

traumatrash

for all to see

furiousgoldfish

Was I neglected as a child? Checklist

Bold if you experienced it, italicize if you’re not sure. If you read a line and it rings true for you, but you think ‘that’s my fault because I never said anything’, bold that line! This is about your experience, not blame assignment. (tw for painful content ahead)

Physical neglect

I couldn’t count on having clean and decent appropriate clothing every day.

I couldn’t count on having decent meals every day

It was my responsibility to make food/assure there’s clothing even at a very young age, or there would be none

I couldn’t count on being taken to a doctor when I needed it

I was not receiving proper vaccinations/medications as a child

I was not taken care of for my injuries, flu’s, fevers, or health issues

I was left alone and ignored when sick

I felt guilty, ashamed and/or scared when sick

Nobody noticed if I was injured, sick, or scared of something that was happening to my body

It was safer for me to keep my sickness/injuries/medical fears to myself

I felt it would bother everyone, or make everyone mad with me if I admitted to being sick, hurt, or scared about my well being

I had to take care of other kids as a child, so my physical well being felt like an afterthought, it was something I was supposed to take care of myself

If I was taken care of physically, it was used as a blackmail later, I would be required to allow myself to be controlled as a return ‘favour’

My medical issues were neglected to the point where they turned into long-term issues later

Emotional neglect

I haven’t felt it was safe or welcome to open up to my parents or caretakers as a child

I was not encouraged or supported in expressing my emotions or experiences

I was not encouraged to speak about my passions, desires, or what I wanted from life

I was repeatedly attacked, shamed, ridiculed or manipulated with any private information I would share, forcing me to learn to hide

I was not welcome to speak unless I was somehow entertaining or giving out vital info

It was communicated to me in subtle or direct ways that it doesn’t matter what I want or need, and that nobody cares

I was shamed and accused for wanting/needing attention

I was not receiving supportive or warm physical attention as a child (encouraging pats at the shoulder, affectionate hugs, being stroked in approving/affectionate way)

I felt uncomfortable receiving physical attention from my parents as a child because it communicated ownership and non-consensual enforcement, rather than approval and pride

I felt completely alone in any hardship and pain as a child, and knew nobody would stand by my side

I didn’t feel safe asking for help, explanations, reassurance, comfort, physical attention or to be listened to

I felt like a burden if I wanted for someone to hug me and tell me it’s all going to be okay

I was never comforted or reassured after crying or having a breakdown

I would get ignored, laughed at, humiliated or punished for crying, breaking down, or exploding in rage

I was taught that what I feel is irrelevant, and I would do better to stop expressing it

I was taught that expressing any painful emotion would get me nowhere, and it was better/safer to hide it

I spend hours crying or breaking down in pain/terror/stress/anxiety/catastrophizing alone with no comfort and nobody who cared or wanted to hear what I was going thru

I was to take the role of comforting and emotionally caretaking for my parents, or other children

Psychological neglect

My parents didn’t notice I was depressed/anxious/psychologically unwell

My parents failed to provide me with a diagnosis for adhd, autism, or similar struggle, and I had to live and deal with it all on my own

My parents failed to believe me I was mentally ill or struggling with any kind of disability or trauma, leaving me to endure it all on my own

My fears about my value, or my future, were only intensified by my parents behaviour; I never felt reassured and secure in my current living conditions, and even less my future ones

My parents failed to acknowledge my sexuality, gender, world view, and pretended it wasn’t there

My parents failed to notice I was self-harming

My parents failed to notice I was engaging in other self-destructive activities that could have, or did, cause long term damage to my life

My parents failed to notice or do anything about changes in my behaviour that signalled trauma (becoming aggressive, clingy, dissociated, numb, closed up, bed-wetting, nightmares)

My parents failed to notice I was missing school

My parents failed to notice I was failling into addictions

My parents failed to notice I was suicidal

My parents failed to notice my suicide attempts

Lack of protection

I was unsupervised for long periods of time as a small child

I was exposed to physical danger as a child without my parents noticing or reacting to it

I was exposed to physical danger and physical violence, by my parents

I was exposed to pedophiles and child predators as a child and was never warned, protected or removed from their influence

I was introduced to pedophiles and child predators by my family members

I was never given protection from bullies, or any unfair treatment during my education

I was never given support or comfort after being hurt by a stranger or a peer

I was bullied/abused/sexually assaulted by another child, and nobody noticed

I was bullied/abused/sexually assaulted by a sibling/neighbour/relative/teacher/peer, and nobody noticed/nobody stood by my side or tried to protect me

I was groomed by a predator (who could even be a family member) and nobody protected me or stopped it from happening

I was exposed to and groomed by a cult, and nobody seemed to notice, care, or help me get out of it

I was not given the knowledge to recognize a sexual assault on me, or grooming or any other predatory behaviour from strangers or other adults

I never felt protected from any outside danger, or felt like I was worth protecting; instead I was taught to feel guilty and ashamed for getting hurt at all

If you have bolded more than 4 of these, you have experienced neglect, and you were forced to struggle alone thru experiences that you were not meant to handle or survive on your own. Neglect is the type of abuse that will have the most disastrous consequences on your trust in people, your relationships, self worth, feeling of community, and will ensure that everything you were put thru is unexpressed, unresolved, and weighing down on your life. You did not deserve to be neglected like this, and none of the above is the result of your behaviour. You were not supposed to be put thru any of this alone, much less as a child.

bananonbinary

tbh i fully believe that healthy kids should be getting in some stupid trouble.

like, a child that’s in trouble all the time, frequently skipping school, getting caught doing crimes? that’s a kid that desperately needs literally any positive attention. that kid needs help. obviously.

but a child that is perfectly well-behaved, never speaks up for themself, is seen and not heard? that’s a child that’s afraid. they also need help.

furiousgoldfish

Abusive parent: you must tiptoe around my very easily provoked feelings, you must never make me feel like a bad parent or hurt my feelings by not obeying me, if I get a little stressed I deserve to take it out on you, I can’t be bothered to do my basic duties but I need you to feel sorry for me, center me and my feelings 24/7 and show unconditional love for me or I will throw a tantrum

Abusive parent (to kid): How old are you to act like this?! Get over yourself, not everything is about you! Grow up already! Nobody is going to tiptoe around your feelings! Stop taking everything personally! Stop expecting anyone’s world to be rotating around you! That is solely reserved for me

furiousgoldfish

Your parents clothed you, fed you and gave you a place to sleep because it would have reflected badly on them if they didn’t!

If they didn’t feed or clothe you people would catch on on their abusive behaviour! They were doing this minimum to save their own butts! You have nothing to be grateful for! Even prisoners get roof, food and clothing! You don’t have to be grateful you weren’t killed on purpose by your immediate family!

extremely unsolicited drunk DID thought of the day: its impossible to know me apart unless u hear me talkin but like im the only fucking part that doesnt sound like... you know. if you compared my voice and any other part's there would be no more question about "is did a real dx" i don't sound like "myself" the fuck at all why is it that if i reveal myself to anyone, even my friends, i'm going to get in trouble? why is that a thing? trouble from who??? hello??

#c/s crag

my wife: yeah last year you tried to jump off our balcony bc u got triggered i think, but its cool haha

me, thinking i had recovered & was maybe faking this entire time: ?????????????? I WHAT

#tw suicide

mrgloverman

Just a reminder to all systems that denial is part of the disorder. It's a covert disorder that is meant to keep you from knowing about your trauma. So having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you are a system is hard for almost everyone. You are valid and no one can take that away from you. Denial is a coping mechanism and it's hard to stop.

didandmerant

some of yall aren’t ready for this but:

“having did is horrible for a lot of reasons and shouldnt be romanticized”

and

“its ok to do things like picrews of all alters just to have fun”

can and should coexist

-henry

he is still alive and i am not, not really

i know where he lives and i’m young and trained and he’s a feeble old man. why am i not on the way there?

#tw

thriftedspacesuit

I actually don't recall ever seeing a positivity post for ppl w ongoing amnesia caused by trauma disorders. I'm not talking just repressed childhood memories, I mean perpetual long-term memory loss. I mean continuing to forget non-traumatic things that happened or ppl you knew a few years or even months ago. I mean struggling to retain any information you're learning if you don't constantly go over the same material over and over again, and losing it all once you stop repeating it

If you have amnesia like me, you matter. We navigate the world a bit differently but that's okay. Just bc our brains are broken doesn't mean we can't live happy and fulfilling lives. Be patient w yourself when learning new things. Surround yourself w compassionate ppl who love to tell you stories abt past exploits you may have forgotten. Also, hey, who else gets to watch a movie for the first time every time? Above all be kind to yourself.