Summary: After being stung by a bug on a remote planet during a mission with Torrent Company, your life is suddenly in danger, and it's going to take something rather...unconventional to fix it. Little do you know your decision might mean more than you thought it would.
Pairing: Fives x reader
Word Count: 11,105 words (sorry)
Warnings: NSFW, 18+, explicit sexual content, p in v sex, unprotected sex, oral sex, sex pollen, slight dubcon because of sex pollen, feelings, idiots in love, medic!reader, some slight descriptions of injuries but nothing too graphic, slightly possessive Fives, good bro Kix, we love wingman Jesse, language
A/N: Did I need to write another sex pollen fic? No. Has this one been plaguing me for days? Yes. So I wrote it. Bit rusty with the 501st boys but here we are. Hope you enjoy!
MASTERLIST
“Why did you have to bring me along again?” You ask into your comm, firing a shot at a droid from the bushes where you’re hiding.
“We just like having you around.” Fives’ voice sounds from your vambrace. You can picture the cheeky smile on his face beneath his helmet.
“I feel like Kix would have been more than capable of handling you idiots.” You say, flattening yourself in the dirt as a stray blaster bolt flies over your head. You weren’t necessarily trained for front-line combat, usually stuck at the back of the column to look after injured soldiers left behind by forward progress like most civilian medics.
You were getting more than enough combat experience hanging around these boys, though. They were making sure of that.
You let out a slow breath, pushing yourself back up to your knees to peer through the bushes. Droids are falling left and right as blue and red blaster bolts fly through the air. It’s utter chaos.
Yet, you trust the boys to take care of things. They’re here for a reason. The best of the best the 501st has to offer.
You take aim through a gap in the bushes, firing on another droid getting too close.
“Nice shot, Doc.” Jesse’s voice comes through the comm.
“Thanks.” You murmur, watching the chaos for any possible injuries you’ll need to treat.
You watch the field, the small droid army that had been guarding the base getting smaller and smaller as the boys work their magic. You keep a close eye out for any potential injuries, not that you don’t trust Kix can’t handle it, but you’d prefer he keep his focus on the fight and not one of these idiots catching a stray bolt to the groin.
You’ve gotten up close and personal with some clones for that very injury.
Just another day in your life.
You’re pulled from your reverie as something sharp pricks your neck. You slap a hand against the spot, pulling away to find a squished bug. You pick at the skin, pulling the stinger free. “Kriff.” It’s a decent sized stinger.
“You good, Doc?” Kix’s voice comes through the comms.
“Yeah, some kriffing bug stung me.” You say, the spot starting to throb painfully.
“Ooh kiss your mother with that mouth?” Jesse asks.
“Please, like you haven’t said worse.” You roll your eyes.
“Kriffing son of a bitch.” Hardcase grunts.
Yeah, like that. “What happened?” You ask, snapping back into medic mode.
“Hardcase took a shot to the shoulder.” Kix says.
“Drag him over here.” You say, pulling your pack off your back. You risk leaving the cover of the bushes, squatting down just past the treeline as Kix and Fives drag Hardcase over to you.
He grunts as he’s dropped, going limp. You roll your eyes, pulling off his spaulder before looking at the hole in his blacks. The skin is blackened and raw, burned from the heat of the blaster bolt. You open your pack, pulling out your med kit. “This is going to sting,” you say, pouring disinfectant over the injury. Kix kneels down on his other side, prodding at the wound.
“What’s the prognosis?” Hardcase asks, his helmet shifting side to side as he looks between you.
“I don’t know, Hardcase.” Kix says as you pass him a bacta shot. “You might not make it.”
Hardcase sighs dramatically, gripping your hand. “Distribute my sabacc credits evenly among the men, and give condolences to that Twi’lek from 79s.”
You roll your eyes again, but squeeze his hand as Kix jabs the injector into the wound. “You’re lucky that shot wasn’t further to the right.” You say, grabbing the gauze from your bag. “I told you to get bigger spaulders.”
“I keep forgetting.” Hardcase says.
A bead of sweat trickles down your spine as you pack your med kit back into your bag. The air is hot and heavy on this planet, your blacks already damp from sweat under your armor. It’s not as heavy duty or weighty as theirs, but you can only imagine how soggy they are under those helmets.
“Let’s get this communication tower down.” Rex says, the fight against the droids over. You quickly realize they were waiting on you to finish. “Hardcase, stay out here with Doc, the rest of you on me.”
Hardcase salutes him from his place on the ground before flopping back dramatically. You sit down next to him, fanning yourself. Sweat has pooled in your crevices, the day only seeming to get hotter and muggier.
You dig your canteen out of your pack, taking a long drink of the cool water. It soothes some of the heat for a moment, and your dry mouth. Has your mouth been this dry the entire time?
You offer the canteen to Hardcase and he takes it, pushing himself up to sit. He favors his right arm as he takes a swig, likely still in pain as the bacta slowly works itself through his system.
The jungle seems so quiet now that the fire fight is over with. The air is still and heavy, settling like a dome over the Separatist hideout. You’re aware and alert, and so is Hardcase, in case any straggler droids show up as the boys work to take down the communications tower, cutting one part of the Separatist army off from the others.
You slip your canteen back into your pack, leaning back against a tree. It’s getting hotter, and you tug at the neck of your blacks, trying to get some air between your skin and the tight fabric.
“You alright?” Hardcase asks, turning his head to look at you.
You nod, fanning yourself with your hand. “It’s hot.”
He hums, turning to look back at the building. He doesn’t seem bothered by the heat at all, not even a sweat breaking out on his forehead as you sit under the hot sun. You’ve always wondered if the clones were engineered to handle more extreme temperatures. You hadn’t read anything about it in the file you stole during a short stay on Kamino. Curiosity had led you to snooping about the clones and their genetic engineering. You’d simply made the excuse that it was to better understand how to treat them. Resources would be limited at times and if you knew how much they really could handle, then you could better allocate those resources between them.
You’d never give them less than you would anyone else, but that had been the excuse you’d come up with in case you got caught. You hadn’t, but you never do anything without a good reason thought up. Impulsivity isn’t your nature.
Sweat has soaked through your blacks by the time the doors open again, your hand falling to your blaster before you recognize your boys coming back through.
“Charges are planted.” Rex says, Kix offering you a hand to help you up off the ground. “Let’s get out of here and blow this place.”
“Hell yeah.” Hardcase says, putting his helmet back on.
Your group steps through the bushes again, slipping back into the jungle.
You’re not quite sure how far you walk before you hear the bang, jumping just a bit as the explosion reaches your ears. You’ve stopped for just a moment, long enough for them to detonate the charges and destroy the Separatist communication station. You take a moment to grab your canteen again, taking another big drink. Your mouth feels eternally dry, no matter how much water you drink, it doesn’t do anything to ease the ache in your throat. The canteen is half empty now, and you only hope you’ll come across water at some point so you can refill it before it’s completely empty.
You ignore the way your hands shake as you tuck the canteen back into your pack, slinging it over your shoulder again as you trudge along through the jungle.
The heat continues to intensify, sweat dripping down your forehead as you slowly weave through the bushes and roots. The wound on your neck from the bug is throbbing and achy, a bump forming where the stinger broke your skin. There’s an itch starting to build beneath your skin. Must be from the friction of your blacks and the sweat. Just what you need. Heat rash.
You can’t wait to get off this planet. You can’t wait to get back to the boring med bay, the greys and whites of the Resolute. You’d take cataloging over this. But the boys wanted you to come along, and here you are dragging ass behind them.
You pick up the pace, shoving past the exhaustion, something you’re well accustomed to. It’s not the first time you’ve had to push past the extremes, often pushing yourself further than sanity to save the lives of as many troopers as you can. You don’t want them to die, even if they do it with honor.
Your legs are starting to shake, sweat dripping into your eyes. The itch under your skin is intensifying, your fingers digging into the gap between your vambrace and rerebrace. The armor is getting heavier and heavier, weighing you down as your exhaustion continues to build.
Your vision is starting to swim, the colors of the jungle intensifying, becoming sharper. Your hand shakes as you lift it to wipe your brow, sweat soaking through your glove. The sun isn’t helping the heat any, bearing down on you through the trees. If you didn’t know better, you might have thought it was seeking you out, following you and shining its rays directly onto your head.
After a few minutes you finally stumble, sitting down hard on a root. Your pack nearly pulls you backwards and you quickly unclip it, letting it fall before it takes you with it. You need to stop, you need a moment just to breathe. The jungle around you is kaleidoscoping, the vivid brightness hurting your eyes.
“Doc!” Fives calls out, rushing to your side. His hand cups your face as you sit back against the tree, blinking away the dizziness. “Kriff, you’re burning up.”
Kix kneels down on your other side, grabbing his scanner from his belt. He holds it up to your face, and you can imagine his brows furrowing in concentration under his helmet. “A fever.” He tilts your head side to side, the motion nearly making you puke down Fives’ front. His fingers tug at the neck of your blacks, pulling them down slightly.
“What?” You slur, lifting a hand to the sore spot on your neck. The bump has gotten bigger, and it throbs as you brush your fingers over it.
“We need to find somewhere to set up camp.” Kix says, turning to speak to Rex. “I need to treat her before this gets worse.”
“There’s a clearing not far ahead.” Rex says, turning his gaze to you. “Think you can make it that far?”
You nod, standing back to your feet with Kix and Fives’ help. “Yeah.” You don’t sound very convincing.
Kix slings your arm over his shoulders as Fives grabs your pack, his grip around you tight to keep you upright as you stumble onward after Rex. If you weren’t so out of it, you might have been embarrassed or even ashamed. You can’t care about much besides putting one foot in front of the other right now, though. You don’t have that much energy to expend.
Kix is almost carrying you by the time you reach the clearing, half of the company jumping into setting up the tents while the others do a sweep of the area, making sure there’s nothing hiding in the trees that might cause a problem. You lean against a tree, fingers fumbling with your pack to get your canteen.
A gloved hand moves yours to the side gently, reaching in to grab your canteen for you. You look up at the familiar face of Jesse as he screws the top off for you.
“Thank you,” You breathe, taking a big sip. It’s almost empty now.
“You sure you’re alright, Doc?” He asks, brows furrowed in concern.
You nod. “Probably just heatstroke.”
He doesn’t seem convinced of your diagnosis, but he nods even as his brows pinch further together. He pushes himself to stand, moving himself in front of the sun, protecting you from its rays. It’s starting to lower in the sky, its rays reaching through the gaps in the trees.
“Come on,” Kix says, approaching you again. “Let’s get you in a tent.”
With Jesse’s help they get you on your feet, your legs trembling under you. Your body feels heavy, limbs dragging like you’re trying to move through mud. Everything feels harder than it should, even your breathing has become labored.
Kix and Jesse get you into the tent, Kix lowering you down onto the mat on the ground. It’s hardly comfortable, but you couldn’t care less right now. Kix turns on a lamp, casting a sterile looking glow in the tent as he digs through his own pack. Yours has been placed on the floor at your feet, your fingers reaching for your canteen. Your mouth is dryer than Tatooine, your tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth. You take a long drink, drinking up every last drop of water.
“I need more.” You gasp, handing him your empty canteen.
“We’ll get you more soon.” Kix says, pulling out his med kit. He scans your forehead again, the scanner beeping ominously. “Your temperature is higher than it was.”
“That’s not good.” You say quietly, tugging at the pieces of your plastoid armor. You need it off, the weight of it pressing against your skin. That itch is still there, burning and scraping where you can’t reach it.
“Easy,” Kix says, grabbing your hands as you tear at the plastoid.
“I need it off.” You breathe, your chest tightening. It feels constricting, rubbing your blacks against your sensitive skin.
“Alright, let me help.” Kix says softly, easily peeling off a spaulder. He carefully removes your armor, setting the pieces next to your pack at your feet.
You can still feel the burn of fabric against your skin, though it has lessened a bit without the weight of your armor on your body. Kix tilts your head to the side, brushing back some of the hair that’s fallen out of your braid, the damp strands sticking to your skin.
“You said a bug stung you?” He asks, running his thumb over the bump on your neck.
You hiss as he presses against it, a sharp pain shooting through your body. “Yeah.”
He pulls his hand back, grabbing an injector. “When did these symptoms start? After you got stung?”
“I mean, I was hot before.” You say, wincing as he injects the bacta into your shoulder. “But everything else…” you let out a long breath. “Yeah.”
“It’s possible the bug released some kind of toxin into your bloodstream when it stung you.” Kix says.
What you wouldn’t give for a blood test right now. Maybe it could tell you what poison is coursing through your system right now.
Sweat continues to soak through your blacks, beading on your forehead and sliding down into your hair. Kix straps a monitor to your arm before rising, taking your canteen with him as he leaves the tent. You lay there, trying to take in deep breaths but your chest feels constricted. Your entire body feels constricted, like your very skin is starting to tighten and suffocate you.
“Easy,” Kix says, keeling back on the ground next to you, his hand resting on your shoulder. “Panicking isn’t going to help anything right now.”
“It’s...it’s too much.” You gasp, tugging at your blacks. They’re sticking to you like a second skin, the sensation enough to drive you insane. You feel like you are going insane, every nerve ending alight all at once, every sense on high alert. You’re pretty sure if you focused enough, you could feel your bones.
Kix’s touch is unbearable as he prods at your wound. “The bacta hasn’t helped any.” He says, worry evident in his voice. “Your heart rate is still high, and your blood pressure.”
That explains the painful pulsing behind your eyes.
There’s an ache starting to blossom deep in your pelvis, a deep cramping that’s building steadily. You press a hand to your abdomen, applying gentle pressure, as if that could get it to stop.
“How much longer until they arrive to get us?” You ask, tugging at your shirt.
“We’re not due to be picked up for another six hours.” He says. “Rex commed and they’re coming as fast as they can.”
“Kriff,” you breathe, rolling back onto your back. “I don’t think I’ll make it another six hours.”
Kix doesn’t say anything, but his silence is all you need to know.
The deep ache in your stomach intensifies, sharp shooting pain racing through your overstimulated nervous system. You grit your teeth, curling into a ball.
“What is it?” Kix asks, shifting to face you.
“Hurts.” You gasp, curling tighter into a ball.
“What hurts?” He asks, his hand on your shoulder.
His touch burns through your body, intensifying the ache in your stomach. You pinch your eyes closed, trying to breathe through the cramp. It’s worse than any cramp you’ve ever had. It nearly has you seeing double.
“Doc…” Kix says, his thumb stroking your arm. “Talk to me.”
“Can’t,” you gasp, the cramping starting to lower in your body. “Shit.” You force yourself to sit up, ripping your shirt over your head. “I can’t. I can’t take it anymore.”
Your skin nearly sighs in relief at the freedom from the tight material. You don’t care that Kix is seeing you in just your breastband. He’s a medic, he’s seen a lot of things. The last person who would judge you for having your tits half out is Kix.
You curl back up into a ball, the ache in your stomach starting to sink lower and lower until it’s pulsing between your legs. You squeeze your eyes closed, thighs pressing together. You try to breathe through your mouth, willing the ache to subside.
“Kix,” you breathe, his hand coming to rest on your shoulder. “What’s happening to me?”
“I…” he lets out a sigh. “I don’t know. I’m going to update the Captain, you try and rest.”
***
“How is she?” Rex asks, approaching Kix as he steps out of the tent.
“Not good.” Kix says honestly. He’s watched your decline over the last two hours. “Whatever that bug was...it injected some kind of toxin with its stinger.”
“Is there a cure for it?” Rex asks.
“I don’t know.” Kix shakes his head. “I couldn’t find anything in any databases.”
“Can you think of anything that might help?”
Kix shakes his head again. “I’m a combat medic, not a scientist. Bacta is useless, and a stim shot might make things worse. How far out is our extraction?”
“Four hours.” Rex says.
Four kriffing hours. How is he going to keep you alive that long?
He’s not sure you’re going to make it another hour, let alone four.
***
The pulsing between your thighs is intense, so intense it almost hurts. You grind against your palm pressed between your thighs, skin slick with sweat. It’s hot and you’re exhausted, yet the pulsing of your pussy refuses to let you sleep. You’ve given up on your pants, kicking them off into the growing pile at your feet, leaving you in just your breastband and underwear.
“What does it feel like?” Kix asks, dragging a hand across his shaved head. The two of you have been trying to brainstorm, with what little brainpower you have left.
“You want the truth?” You breathe, panting slightly from the exertion of simply existing.
“That would be helpful right now.” Kix says. You’d hit him if you could move your hands.
“It feels like I’m insanely horny.” You admit, trying not to get embarrassed. The last person that would make fun of you is Kix.
Kix hums, typing away at the datapad in his lap.
“I’m so horny it hurts.” You whine, grinding against your hand. “I feel like I might die if I don’t orgasm right now.”
“Feel free to…” he waves his hand. “If you need to.”
Normally you might feel ashamed for being so open with Kix, but neither of you seem to care right now.
You sink your hand into your underwear, fingers seeking out your pulsing clit. You’re soaked and it’s not just the sweat. You can feel the slickness of your folds as you start to circle your clit, sighing quietly from the sweet relief it’s finally getting. Kix doesn’t even glance your way, buried in his datapad as you masturbate next to him, seeking any kind of relief from the intense need burning through you.
“I think I found something.” Kix says, uncrossing his legs. “I think whatever toxin that bug injected into you was some kind of stimulant.”
“You don’t say.” You breathe, turning onto your back, still furiously rubbing your clit, seeking any kind of relief you can get, but the building pleasure only goes so far. It’s not quite enough, even your fingers dipping into your pussy isn’t enough.
“You’re only going to get worse if we don’t find some way to burn this toxin out of your system.” He says, still looking at his datapad. “There’s a little research on the holonet about toxins that can induce arousal, but…”
“But what?” You gasp out, pumping your fingers in and out of yourself.
“Prognosis isn’t good unless you can orgasm enough times to burn it out of your system.” He says with finality.
You let out a groan of despair, curling your fingers inside yourself. Your pussy is damn near tingling, light pleasure coursing through you but it’s not enough. It’s almost like your fingers aren’t enough, like you need something else, something more.
You let out a huff, withdrawing your hand. “It’s not working.”
“What’s not working?” He asks, finally glancing up at you.
“I can’t...I can’t get myself to…” You groan, flopping back dramatically against the mat. “I need help.” Your voice is soft, small, quiet, like you don’t want to admit it.
“Doc…” Kix says, setting the datapad aside. “I don’t know…”
“I need help.” You say again, scrubbing your hands over your face. “I’m going to die if I don’t orgasm and I can’t do it myself.”
Tears leak out of your eyes. It’s the truth. Your heart rate has only continued to climb, as has your fever. The bacta held it off briefly, but as the minutes pass, you can feel your blood pressure starting to rise again. The body can only take so much before it gives out. You don’t want to find out what your limits are.
Kix lets out a quiet breath, his hand falling to press against yours where it rests on the mat. “Let me go talk to the guys.”
You watch him go, laying there on the mat, the tears still streaming. You can just hear them outside, their bodies visible thanks to the glow of the small fire set up in the middle of the camp.
“She’s declining again. The toxin the bug injected was a stimulant. It’s sending her body into overdrive.”
“Is there anything you can do to fix it?”
“There is one thing...but you’re not going to like it.”
Their voices quiet down, and you can see them leaning in closer to each other.
“We have to what?”
“We can’t do that. She’s...not like that...we can’t.”
“We may not have any other choice.”
“She just needs to hang on for three more hours.”
“She’s not going to make it two if she doesn’t get help.”
It falls silent, only the sound of your labored breaths filling the air. You can almost picture the silent conversation, eyes glancing around, looking anywhere but at each other as they come to terms with what Kix is suggesting. Besides some harmless flirting from Fives, they’ve never pressed that boundary with you. There’s always been an unspoken rule with you. They don’t push past that boundary, and now they’re being asked to hurdle over it.
“At least...let her decide. Let her have the autonomy to choose.”
Footsteps approach the tent and Kix ducks back inside. He comes over to your side, kneeling down next to you. His hand brushes your head, brows pinched in a frown. “They’ll do it.” He says quietly, wiping the sweat from your brow. “But they want you to choose.”
You already know that, but you let him say it. It’s a finality, the gavel striking on this situation, making it real. You’re going to have to fuck one of your friends, one of the troopers you’d trust with your life. Who better, though? It could be some random trooper you’ve never met before who you’ll never see again…
Maybe that would be better than a trooper you’ll have to face regularly.
How are you going to face them after this?
Who do you choose? Rex? You trust the clone captain with your life, but you’d never be able to be in the same room with him again if you asked him to do this. You can’t ask Kix. You need someone aware in case this goes awry, someone who might at least be able to keep you alive. Jesse would make it too romantic, and you know he’d catch feelings. You couldn’t do that to him. Hardcase would wind up bragging about it accidentally and you’re not sure you could handle that eventual reality.
That leaves…
Fives.
The one least likely to care about this, the one to play it off as a one-time thing, like many of his other flings. You’d be just another notch on his belt, like all those other faceless bucket bunnies he winds up bedding during shore leave. He won’t care, and he’ll make sure he forgets after all of this is done. He’ll pretend like nothing happened, and everything will go back to normal.
“Fives.” You whisper, squeezing your thighs together.
Something passes across Kix’s face, but you’re too out of it to put a name to it. “You’re sure?”
You nod, letting out a shaky breath. “Yeah.”
Kix is quiet for a moment before he nods. “I’ll...go tell him.”
Kix stands back up, leaving you alone as he ducks out of the tent again. You curl up in a ball, mind swimming with nothing but desire, nothing but an intense need to cum and fast.
The tent flap moves aside again, only it’s not Kix who enters.
It’s Fives.
He’s sans helmet, brows pinched as he approaches you slowly, like you’re a wild nexu about to pounce. He kneels down next to the mat, his gaze unreadable as he stares down at you.
“Hi, Doc.” He say softly, lifting a hand to brush some damp hair from your face.
“Fives…” you let out a soft gasp as a wave of pulsing pain throbs through your body. “Help me.”
You grab his hand, bringing it to your face. His glove is rough as it slides across your skin, your nerves alight and overstimulated from the simple touch.
“You really want me to do this?” He asks, his thumb brushing your cheek.
“Yes.” you gulp, squeezing his hand weakly. “I need it.”
He swallows thickly but nods, sitting back on his heels to pop off his utility belt and kama, laying them near your own pile. Your own hands tug your underwear off, the soaked fabric bunching as you kick it off onto the end of the mat. Fives pops his pauldron off adding it to the pile on the floor. He makes to take off his spaulders but you stop him, grabbing his hands.
“Don’t bother.” You say, laying back on the mat and pulling him with you. “The faster we can get this done, the better.”
“This isn’t going to be comfortable for you.” He warns, popping off his codpiece.
“You really think I care right now?” You ask, tilting your head back.
“Suppose not.” He murmurs, settling himself between your thighs. His hands trail up your legs, gloves gone at least.
This is so unsanitary, but you’ll worry about that later.
He stares down at you for a long moment, hands paused halfway down your thighs, just resting there. You try to part your legs for him but he keeps them closed, something passing over his face before he sits back on his heels. “Turn over.”
You do as he says, turning over onto your stomach. Whatever is going to get you fucked faster. He finally pushes your thighs apart, just enough for him to slot himself between them.
“Kriff…” he breathes, sliding a hand down the back of your thigh. His fingers glide through your folds before two slip into you, your body opening easy around him. He curses again, pumping his fingers into you. “So kriffing wet.”
“Hurry up.” You breathe, shifting your arm to wave back at him. “No time for that. I need you...like right now.”
You hear him shift, his blacks opening to free his cock. You lick your lips at the thought of what it looks like. Unfortunately you know from medical experience exactly what he looks like, just how hung they all are.
Your pussy clenches at the thought of his cock finally inside of you and the relief it’s going to bring. Finally you’ll be free from the intense overstimulation burning through you.
He leans between your thighs, kneeing them open further to make space for him and his armor. The plastoid digs into your skin but you don’t care, far too focused on the way your body stretches around the tip of his cock. He lets out a quiet groan, sliding into you easily.
“Kriffing hell, Doc,” He groans, settling his weight over you as he glides home in one stroke. His hands come to rest on either side of you, his hips pressed tight against your ass.
He starts to rock his hips, slow and steady as his cock presses into you over and over. Arousal seeps out of you with every press of his hips, soaking into his blacks. The itching is still creeping under your skin, the monitor on your arm beeping from your increased temperature and heart rate. Fives shifts, grabbing it and ripping it off, tossing it somewhere to the side.
“Fives,” you breathe, pushing back against him. “Faster.”
His hips still, pressed up against your body. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“If you don’t fuck me, I’m going to die.” you say, reaching out to grip one of his wrists. “So fuck me like you mean it.”
You can feel the weight of his stare for a long moment, wishing you could see his face in the artificial light of the lamp. It’s getting dark outside, the sun finally starting to set. “As the lady commands.” He says, lowering himself down on his elbows above you. His chest presses against your back, the plastoid armor covering his body cool against your heated skin.
His hips start to snap against yours in short, sharp thrusts, your eyes rolling back as you finally get some of the friction you’ve been dying for. Your hands grip the mat under your body, your hips pressing up against his, meeting his thrusts. For the first time in hours you’re finally starting to feel a hint of relief, an orgasm quickly building from the drag of his cock against that spot inside of you.
“Fives…” You breathe, fingers starting to cramp from how tightly they’re gripping the mat under you. Your clit is dragging across the rough material with every downward thrust of his hips, only adding to the pleasure coursing through you.
He curses, small groans leaving his lips. He’s trying to be quiet, even though the others outside the tent know what’s happening. The wet squelch of your soaked pussy can’t be helped, though, more and more arousal dripping out of you from the burning heat beneath your skin and the cramping in your abdomen.
“Oh, fuck, Fives.” You moan, back arching. “I’m gonna cum.”
“You gonna cum?” He leans down, groaning in your ear, breath hot against your sweat-slicked skin.
“Yes, yes!” You cry, your body shuddering as you’re thrown into an orgasm.
He slows his thrusts to languid movements, his body lifting off of you just slightly. There’s still a deep cramping in your stomach, the heat burning beneath your skin. It’s not enough.
“Again.” You breathe, reaching back towards him.
He huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. “As you wish.”
He begins to thrust his hips against yours again, picking up the pace to a near brutal snapping of his hips. Already you can feel pleasure burning through you, almost as if you hadn’t just had an orgasm.
You cum twice more, shaking under Fives but this time he doesn’t stop, his hips still snapping against your ass in quick, short thrusts. The heat is beginning to dissipate, the itch finally calming. You’re a drooling mess, Fives’ hand wrapped around the back of your neck, keeping your head down as he plows into you. Breathy moans slip from his lips, his fingers curling into the mat like yours had. He’s close to his own orgasm. You’re shocked he’s lasted this long.
“Gonna cum.” He groans, his movements starting to get sloppy. “Where do you want me?”
“Inside,” you gasp, already getting close to another orgasm.
“Fuck…” he lets out a long groan, snapping his hips against your ass almost brutally before he stills, his cock pulsing inside of you as he cums.
Another orgasm shudders through your body at the feeling of him filling you, your body giving out as you lay flat against the bed. Fives collapses over you, pressing his face against your shoulder. He’s breathing heavily, almost as heavy as you are. You can feel his hot breaths against your sweat-slick skin.
“Feeling better?” He asks, pushing himself back up.
You are. The heat is receding from beneath your skin and the itch has been satiated. There’s still light cramping in your stomach but not nearly what it was before. In fact, you’re starting to feel cold. A shiver runs down your spine as you suddenly become aware of how much the air has cooled as it brushes against your sweat-slick skin.
Fives pulls away from you, your pussy clenching at the sudden loss. You can feel his cum dripping out of you, a wince crossing your face. That’s going to be fun to clean up later. Fives grabs a blanket from your pack, tossing it over you as you turn onto your side. He grabs his belt and kama before standing.
He won’t look at you.
“Fives?” You ask quietly as he redresses himself from the little he’d taken off. He hums, still avoiding looking at you.
A pang of hurt flashes through you. He could at least look you in the face after fucking you. He makes for the entrance to the tent, shoulders tense and tight.
“Fives!” You call, pushing yourself up onto a shaking arm. You’re exhausted, your brain fighting for something to say. You want to yell at him, beg him to look at you, but all you can come up with is a weak: “Thank you.”
He nods, glancing at you over his shoulder before he leaves the tent.
You lay back down, a tear sliding down your cheek from the awkward encounter. Maybe you should have chosen one of the others. Jesse would have probably kissed you after that.
Kix comes back into the tent kneeling down beside you. He straps the monitor back onto your arm, scanning your forehead to take your temperature.
“Your temperature has lowered significantly.” He says, setting the device aside. “So has your heart rate.”
“That’s good.” You murmur, snuggling under the blanket.
“The extraction team will be here in half an hour.” He says, grabbing your clothes from the end of the mat. “We should at least get you back into your blacks.”
Less questions that way.
You let him help you, easing your exhausted body back into your clothes, giving you at least a modicum of decency.
You’re half asleep when the ships touch down, Kix and another trooper easing you onto a stretcher. Exhaustion from the day and its events tugs at the back of your mind, all the adrenaline that had been pumping through you wearing off, leaving you shaking and weak.
You turn your head to the side as they get ready to load you onto the ship, meeting the helmeted gaze of Fives. He quickly looks away, climbing into the other ship with Jesse. You try not to let it bother you, but you can’t help but feel a bit hurt by his sudden avoidance of you.
Maybe it was as awkward for him as it was for you.
Maybe you should have chosen Jesse.
***
You’re back to work after some IV fluids and two days mandatory rest. Kix would have pushed for more, but he knew you’d break those rules anyway. A bacta shot had revived you after your return to the Resolute, but you did spend the better part of those two days resting. You still feel a bit sapped of energy, just your body ridding itself of the lasting effects of the toxic, the clone medical officer that had overseen your recovery said. The bump left over by the insect’s stinger has healed, down to hardly more than a blemish on your skin.
Your downtime also gave you a lot to think about. More precisely, to think about Fives and his reaction. You’ve come to the conclusion that he must have thought what happened between you meant more than it did. All he did was help keep you from dying in a rather unconventional way. That’s all it was. No feelings, no expectations.
Maybe he thought there were those things for you.
That’s why you seek him out after second meal, cornering him in the hallway. You’re glad he’s alone, catching him in one of those rare moments when Torrent Company isn’t moving together as a single unit throughout the flagship. It must be some miracle from the Maker, some kind of blessing after everything you went through.
“Fives!” You call out, his body stiffening as he pauses. He turns slowly as you run up to him in the thankfully quiet hallway.
“Yeah?” He asks, his brows furrowing as he stares down at you. Finally he’s looking at you, though he seems nervous. Maybe it was shame after all. Perhaps he feels ashamed for what he did, and in his shame he couldn’t look at you. You need to fix this stat.
“I just...wanted to talk about what happened...between us.” You say, suddenly nervous too.
He swallows thickly, lips pressing into a line as he nods. “Yeah.”
“I just...wanted to let you know that I picked you because I knew it wouldn’t mean anything to you.”
Something flashes over his face, his features twisting in almost a pained look for merely half a second before he cools them, finding his composure. “Right.” He clears his throat. “It wouldn’t mean anything.”
“And I also wanted to say thank you, again.” You quickly add, trying to ignore the way the look in his eyes is deepening.
He nods. “You’re, uh, you’re welcome.”
You nod, glad you got what you needed to say off your chest. “So...it just...it didn’t mean anything beyond you just saving my life.”
He winces, his gaze lowering from your face for a moment before he nods. “Yeah. It didn’t mean anything.” He shifts on his feet. “I should, uh, get going.”
“Right.” You say, stepping to the side. “I don’t want to keep you.”
He walks away without another word, his back tense and tight as he makes his way down the hall. You watch him go, something nagging in the back of your mind about the conversation that just transpired.
***
You don’t see Fives again for days.
If you thought more about it, you might have come to the conclusion that he was purposefully avoiding you, but as the 501st is thrown into another campaign right away, you don’t have much time to dwell on such things.
You’re busy as always, patching up troopers, saving their lives, doing everything you can to keep as many of them alive as you can.
It’s when things are beginning to calm in the med bay that you see him. Fives. He’s sitting on a gurney, waiting in line to be looked at. You nearly run over to him, elbowing one of your fellow medics out of the way as you come to a stop in front of him.
“Fives!” You say cheerily, his eyes widening as you appear in front of him.
“Oh, hi, Doc.” He greets you, clearing his throat. He holds out his arm, revealing a rather nasty scratch on the inside of his elbow. He’s already removed his vambrace and rerebrace, his blacks tugged up to his bicep.
You hiss through your teeth, grabbing some disinfectant and a bacta patch from the drawer next to the gurney. “That looks painful.”
“I’ve had worse.” He shrugs.
It’s true. You’ve seen him in worse shape.
“Still,” you say, your fingers wrapping around his arm to hold it still. “This might sting.”
He winces as you dab the disinfectant on the wound, careful to get any possible debris out.
“I haven’t seen you in a while.” You say softly, wiping his arm clean.
“It’s been a busy campaign.” He says.
“Right.” You nod, placing the bacta patch over his wound, waiting for the lights to turn blue before stepping back. “Leave that on for a couple hours. It’ll probably scar though.”
“That’s fine.” He says stiffly, pulling his sleeve down. He slides off the bed before grabbing the rest of his armor.
“I’ll see you around.” You say to his back.
“Yeah.” He says, turning to glance at you over his shoulder before he leaves the med bay.
“Well that was awkward.” Mira, one of your fellow civilian medics says. “Usually he’s all up on you when you’re that close and personal with him.”
“He doesn’t get all up and personal.” You say, shaking your head.
She gives you a look. “Yeah. Sure.” She shrugs. “Something definitely happened between you two.”
Your face warms just a bit. Both Rex and Kix had agreed not to go into details about what happened during...that mission. They’d given the barest possible description. Just a bug bite that went wrong. Some bacta stabilized you until you could get proper treatment. Nothing about you fucking a clone to survive.
“N-Nothing happened.” You say, quickly disposing of the supplies you used.
“Mhm.” She hums in a disbelieving tone. “Let me guess...he saw you with someone else.”
You make a face. “What? Why would that matter.”
Mira rolls her eyes. “Please, he’s totally in love with you. He practically drools every time he sees you.”
“No he doesn’t.” You scrunch your nose. “He’s nothing more than a friend.”
“Mm so that’s it.” She says, making her way to the next clone in line. “You friendzoned him.”
“Can’t friendzone someone who has no feelings for you.” You say, moving to the next gurney.
“Uh huh. Sure. No feelings.” She rolls her eyes. “Girl, you’re denser than a doornail.”
You shake your head, focusing on the clone in front of you with a blaster shot to the shoulder. Fives doesn’t have feelings for you. Sure he’s comfortable and flirty with you, but so are the rest of Torrent Company. Hell, even some of the other clones in the 501st like to hit on the civilian medics. When you’re that up close and personal with them...you don’t blame them when they spend most of their time around each other.
Fives doesn’t feel that way about you...right?
He can’t. He’s just your friend.
You jab the bacta needle a little too hard into the clone’s shoulder, earning a yowl of pain.
“Sorry…” You make a face. “Got lost in thought.”
“No kidding.” He says, rubbing his shoulder. “You know, if things don’t work out with Fives, you’re more than welcome to hit me up.” He grins salaciously at you.
“Why does everyone think there’s something between Fives and I?” You ask.
“It’s pretty obvious how he feels.” The clone says. “You could ask any clone on this ship and he’d know. Hell, I’m sure even the General knows.”
Your face heats up, and you shake your head. “No, I still don’t think so.”
He shrugs. “Have it your way.” He jumps down off the cot after you wrap his shoulder. “Just keep my offer in mind.”
“Thanks…”
“Tup, ma’am.” He says, saluting you playfully.
You roll your eyes. “Get out of here, Tup.”
He chuckles and you move on to the next clone waiting to get his wounds addressed.
***
You’re starting to believe them.
Fives has continued to do his best to evade your presence, even going so far as to leave the mess hall with a half full tray of food when you enter. It hurts, knowing you’ve messed up your friendship with him. Even the others are awkward around you now, like they’re tiptoeing around live ammunition when you’re near. More than once it’s left you in tears. It’s not fair. You couldn’t have stopped getting stung by that bug and you couldn’t help what happened to you after.
Of course sleeping with one of your close friends, be it for survival or not, would make things awkward, and you don’t blame them for taking their brother’s side. Bros before hoes right? The thought that they might think of you that way makes you wince.
Kix is the only one acting normal around you, but then again, working in close quarters makes it hard to avoid each other. Perhaps it’s just guilt that keeps him cordial, that he couldn’t do more to help you, that he couldn’t fix what was wrong without having to resort to those means.
You’re not sure what to think anymore.
You finally grow tired of their attitudes after another campaign. You’re exhausted and overworked and perhaps a tad bit emotional over how many men were lost during this battle. It’s perhaps not fair that you corner Jesse as he’s coming out of the med bay covered in bacta patches.
“Jesse!” you call out, racing down the hall to him.
He turns, his brows raising in surprise for a moment before his face cools. “Yeah?”
You come to a stop in front of him, forcing his back up against the wall. “Spill.”
His brows furrow in confusion. “What?”
“I want an explanation as to why you’re all treating me like I have the plague. Why Fives keeps doing everything in his power to avoid me.” You say.
Realization crosses his face for a moment before he lapses back into a neutral look, his back straightening. “I don’t really think it’s my place to-”
“Jesse,” you cut him off. “Please. I-I don’t know why you’re all so upset with me. It’s not like I could help what happened and…” you sigh. “I didn’t want it to ruin things between us. That’s why I wanted Fives to be the one to do it. I knew it wouldn’t mean anything to him.”
Jesse gulps, wincing as he stares down at you. “You thought it wouldn’t mean anything to him?”
“Well, yeah.” you shrug. “None of his other...escapades have meant anything.”
“Yeah, but...you’re...you.” Jesse says. “You’re our Doc. It was always going to mean something.”
You drop your gaze to his chestplate, frowning. “But I’m just a medic.”
“You’re so much more than that.” Jesse says softly. “To him, to all of us.”
Your shoulders slump, tears blurring your vision. Of course it would mean more to them than you thought. You’re not just some one night stand picked up at 79s. You’re…you.
“Look...I think it’s best you just sit him down and talk to him.” Jesse says.
“That would be easy if I could find him.” You say.
“He likes to hit the range after second meal.” Jesse says. “He’s there pretty much every day.”
You nod. “Thanks, Jesse.”
He nods, patting your shoulder. “Get some rest, Doc. You look like you need it.”
You look him over, at the many bacta patches covering him. “I could say the same to you. I don’t know why they’re letting you walk out of here right now.”
“It’s nothing too bad.” He waves you off. “Mostly just superficial.”
“Uh huh.” You say, but you take a step back. “Take it easy, okay? For me?”
He grins. “Anything for you, Doc.”
***
You do find Fives after second meal, just as Jesse said, in the range. You’ve only been in the training areas a handful of times, mostly responding to injuries the men get when they go a little hard on each other. Some bacta and a slap on the wrist is usually the standard of care for those kinds of injuries.
Fives is firing rather angrily at a droid, over and over and over. He’s tense, shoulders squared and you can see the way his brows are pulled together. You wait until he’s done, not wanting to startle him and possibly have to make your own trip to the med bay. Fives probably wouldn’t shoot you, but with him wound so tight, you can’t be sure.
“Fives?” You say quietly once he’s done, blaster lowered to his side.
He glances at you over his shoulder. “What do you want?”
“I’m here to talk.” you say as he raises his blaster once more.
“What makes you think I want to talk to you?” He snaps.
“Because I want you to tell me what’s going on.” You say, shouting over the sound of his blaster.
He pauses, his shoulders sinking a bit.
“We’re friends, Fives. Nothing about that has changed.” You say.
“That’s just it.” He says, turning on you. He holsters his blaster, taking a step towards you. “Nothing changed. You made me…” he cuts himself off with a sharp breath, his hand curling into a fist. “And it was supposed to mean nothing?”
You gulp, eyes widening at the intense look on his face. “I-It wasn’t. That’s why I chose you. None of your other one night stands have meant anything to you.”
“Because they’re not you.”
The words echo in the silence, your heart beating hard in your chest. “What?”
He swallows thickly, taking another step towards you. “They weren’t you, Doc. They were just...distractions from what I couldn’t have.”
Tears burn behind your eyes, your heart thumping rapidly in your chest. “Fives…”
It’s all coming together for you. His playful flirting with you, the way he always made sure you sat next to him, his protective streak when you were caught in combat with them, his reaction after...his stiff avoidance of you after you told him it meant nothing to you.
Kriff, you’re an idiot.
His steps are slow, careful, like he’s approaching a wild animal. You don’t move, your body tingling from all of the realizations slamming into you left and right. They were right. They were all right.
He stops inches from you, staring down at you. You hold his gaze, a stray tear sliding down your cheek.
“It wasn’t supposed to mean anything to you.” You whisper.
“It meant everything to me.” He says quietly.
More tears slide down your cheeks, your breath hitching in your chest. His eyes are so big, so soft as they stare down at you. His hand lifts, sliding up your arm to your elbow. The touch is so gentle, so intimate.
“You have no idea what it meant, that you trusted me like that. You trusted me to take care of you when you were so vulnerable. But you didn’t know...how could you have known?” His grip tightens just slightly around your arm. “I tried to imagine it was just another bucket bunny, but...I couldn’t.” His hand slides up your arm, over your shoulder to your face where he cups your cheek. “It was you, Doc. It was always you.”
“Oh Fives,” you whisper, sniffling. “Everyone knew but me...I couldn’t see it. Why didn’t you say anything?”
His gaze drops from yours. “I didn’t know how you would feel about it, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”
“It wouldn’t have ruined anything.” You say, leaning into the rough fabric of his glove on your cheek. You can feel the warmth of his hand through it seeping into your own skin.
“Well, I know that now.” He says, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips.
You groan, leaning forward to rest your forehead against his chestplate. “Couple of idiots, aren’t we?”
He chuckles, his arms wrapping around you. “I think you could say that.”
You lean against him for a moment, feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest against you. The sharp shard of fear strikes through you at the thought that someday you might lose him, but you push it aside, focusing on the here and now.
His hands grip your arms, pulling you back away from him. One of his hands slides up your arm as you stare up at him, at the deep emotion shining in those big brown eyes. His hand cups your cheek, thumb brushing your lips. He stays there for a moment, just staring at you, taking you in.
“Kiss me, idiot.” You say, breaking the silence.
His face breaks in a grin before he’s leaning down, pressing his lips to yours. It’s soft and sweet, everything you hoped it would be. His hands drop to your waist as yours wrap around his neck, pressing against his pauldrons.
“I really hate your armor sometimes.” You murmur against his lips.
He smirks, kissing you again. “Would you prefer me without it?”
You pull back for a moment, pretending to think about it. “Well, you’ve seen me mostly naked, so it’s only fair.”
A wide grin forms on his face, his hand dropping to yours, lacing your fingers together. “Well, lucky for you I’m free this afternoon.”
***
The two of you slip into the barracks, giggling like a couple of teenagers, fingers entwined.
The barracks are miraculously empty, Fives approaching his bed to find a datapad sitting on top of the blankets. He picks it up, reading the text on the screen.
“Jesse.” You both say at the same time.
“Cheeky bastard.” Fives grins, tossing the datapad onto the bed next to his.
“I mean, I did corner him in the med bay yesterday.” You say.
“You did what?” Fives asks, turning to face you, halfway through pulling off his pauldrons.
You shrug. “I wanted answers. He’s the one who told me where to find you.”
Fives mutters something under his breath as he drops his pauldron to the floor, making quick work of his belt and kama as well. You help him remove the rest of his armor with well practiced fingers.
“You’re good at this.” He says, almost jealously.
You roll your eyes. “Calm down big guy. I’ve had to remove enough clone armor in the infirmary I know all the seams and pieces.”
“Right.” Fives nods, dropping the last piece into the pile on the floor, leaving him just in his blacks.
He pulls off his gloves before leaning down to kiss you again, his hands falling to your waist to tug at your own clothes. You’d dressed down today, finally free from the med bay until the next campaign.
“You’re wearing too many clothes.” He says against your lips, tugging your shirt up before he pulls back.
You pull your shirt up over your head, goosebumps forming on your skin from the cool air in the barracks. Fives makes quick work of his own shirt, exposing his toned body to you. You lick your lips, tracing every line of his muscle. That was one way in which they all varied beyond just the way they styled themselves. Different clones with different jobs had different muscular builds. Fives is all hard muscle, biceps bulging as he tugs his pants down, kicking them off.
You try not to stare at the half-hard cock between his thighs, just as large and veiny as you imagined.
Fuck, he’s just as pretty as you imagined.
You tug your pants and underwear down, stripping off your breastband so you’re standing naked before him. His eyes trace over your form, a low whistle leaving his lips. “Kriff, you’re gorgeous.” he almost sighs, hands falling to your waist to pull you close, bodies pressed together. “This is how I pictured our first time going.”
You avoid his gaze, turning to look to the side. “I’m sorry it wasn’t.”
“Don’t,” he says, gripping your chin lightly to turn your face back to his. “I don’t know if I could have handled having to listen to one of the others in that tent with you.”
“Well, my second pick was Jesse, so…”
Fives rolls his eyes, moving you closer to the bed. “That idiot would have fallen in love with you after that.”
You grin, maneuvering yourself onto his bed. “That’s why I didn’t choose him.”
Fives crawls onto the small mattress with you, pushing your legs apart with his knees. You lay back, staring up at his face as he stares back at you. He pauses there for just a moment, taking you in under him. “This is how it should have been.” He says softly.
He leans down to kiss you again, his body pressing against yours. You hum at the feel of him, wrapping your arms around his neck. His tongue presses past your lips, flicking against your own. You moan softly, sinking your fingers into his curls. His hips grind against your stomach, dragging his cock across your skin. You’re already wet, arousal seeping out of you at the prospect of having him again...properly this time.
Fives pulls away from your lips, kissing his way down your jaw to your neck. His teeth sink into your skin lightly, leaving a mark below your ear.
“Fives!” you complain, tugging at his hair. “Everyone will see!”
“Good.” he almost growls, kissing his way across your throat. “Let them.”
You swallow thickly at his show of possession, your hand sliding from his hair as he continues to kiss down your body. His hands cup your tits, thumbs running over your nipples.
“I love your tits.” he says, squeezing them gently. “Shame that they get hidden under armor so much.”
You roll your eyes, shaking your head. “They don’t like it either. That armor is tight.”
“My poor girls.” He whines, leaning down to take a nipple into his mouth.
Your laugh comes out as half a moan, back arching from the pleasurable sensation.
“I’ll give them love later.” He says, sliding the rest of the way down your body. “Right now, I have better things to do.”
You swallow thickly as your head lifts, watching him lay himself between your legs as best he can on the small bed. His warm breath fans against your wet folds, sending a shiver through you. His lips press against your inner thigh, blazing a path of kisses upwards. His gaze lifts to meet yours as his hands shift to grip your hips, adjusting your position on the bed before he leans in, dragging his tongue through your folds.
You gasp at the sensation, your thighs pressing against his broad shoulders. His mouth is warm as it closes over your pussy, his tongue licking another slow stripe up your folds until he reaches the spot that has your inhale turning into a gasp.
“Fives…” You sigh.
He focuses his attention there, dragging slow lines across your clit with his tongue. You flop back onto the bed, back arching from the pleasure. Little whimpers leave your lips as he teases your clit, your thighs already trembling. It hasn’t been that long, but the thought of it being Fives doing this has you riled up. You’re not going to last very long, not with his sweet mouth eating you like a man starved.
You don’t last very long.
Your thighs squeeze around his shoulders as your orgasm is ripped from you suddenly. You let out a cry that’s probably too loud, but you don’t care who could have heard you as your back arches off the bed, pressing your hips closer to Fives’ face. His hands hold your thighs, keeping you still as his tongue continues to tease your clit, working you through your orgasm.
It’s not until you’re writhing in his grasp, letting out little whimpers that he relents, lifting his face from between your thighs. His face is shiny with your slick, his tongue darting out to lick his lips salaciously. It’s obscene and yet, it has heat pulsing straight between your legs again.
He lets out a chuckle, pushing himself back up the bed until you’re face to face. You can taste yourself on his tongue as he kisses you again, his hard cock dragging against your stomach. His knee hooks under your thigh, pushing it up higher as he slots his body between your legs. He pulls away from your lips, holding himself up so he can grip his cock.
“Ready?” He asks, staring into your eyes.
You nod, breath hitching in anticipation.
He drags the head of his cock through your folds, gathering some of your wetness before he presses into you. His cock spreads you open, your hands lifting to grip his shoulders. The stretch is delicious, your body opening to him as he sinks further and further into you.
His forehead presses to yours as he seats himself fully into you, both of you breathing deep. “Kriff, you feel so good.” he groans, slipping his arms around you. “Better than the first time.”
You moan softly, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Fives?” He hums in response. “Move.”
He grins, kissing you. “As you wish.”
He begins to move, rocking his hips into yours. You wrap your legs around his waist, hands pressing into his back, feeling the way his muscles flex under his skin with every thrust. You moan softly, head spinning from the thought of being so close to him like this, without the added threat of dying if you don’t cum.
Though you feel you might pass away if he doesn’t make you cum this time.
The wet squelch of your pussy is loud in the empty barracks as he thrusts into you, the mattress squeaking a bit as he thrusts into you, slow and deep. It’s so different from the frantic fucking you had the first time. This is slow, intimate, dare you say romantic. He’s taking his time, drawing out your pleasure so it lasts as long as possible.
“Kriffing feel so good.” He groans in your ear, his breath hot against your skin.
“Fives…” you moan, clinging to him tightly. “Don’t let me go.”
“Never.” He promises, tightening his hold around you, one hand sliding to cup the back of your neck as he grinds his hips against yours.
You’re getting close, the drag of his cock sending you reeling. He’s close as well, his thrusts starting to get sloppy. Your toes are curling, body squeezing his. It’s better than you thought, but that’s probably because it’s Fives.
“Fives…” you moan his name again, nails digging into his back as he picks up the pace, snapping his hips into yours.
“Gonna cum for me? Need you to cum for me.” He grunts, in your ear, lips brushing your skin.
You let out a whine, arching against him as you seek your second high of the day. His cock brushes that spot inside of you, stars nearly erupting behind your eyes.
“Right there.” You gasp, thighs shaking around his hips. “Fuck, right there!”
You’re being loud but you don’t care, nails dragging down his back as he focuses his thrusts right at that spot inside you. You cum with a cry, pussy squeezing around him. He lets out a loud groan, his hips stilling as he twitches inside you. His muscles go lax, his body falling on top of yours. He manages to keep himself from squishing you beneath him, his face pressing against your neck.
The smell of sex is thick in the air, but you don’t care. You’re shaking, still wrapped tightly around Fives as he lays on top of you. He’s breathing heavily, warm breaths fanning against your neck. You don’t want to move, your mind buzzing with the aftershocks of your orgasm still.
“You alright?” He murmurs, lips pressing a gentle kiss against your throat.
You nod, still holding him tightly. You don’t want to let him go yet. You want to hold him here, keep him here forever.
But you can’t. You both have lives you have to go back to, jobs you’re expected to do.
You’ve never understood desertion, but now you do.
“Fives?” you murmur, pressing a kiss to the side of his head.
“Yeah?” he breathes, pushing himself up so he’s staring down at you.
You stare up at him for a long moment, taking in his face, those soft brown eyes. “Don’t die.”
His lips twitch as he stares back, something flashing across his face. “I don’t plan on it.”
“Good.” You pull him back down against you. “I’d never forgive you if you did.”
He chuckles, rolling over so you’re on your sides. He pulls the blanket up over your bodies, tucking you against his chest. The moment is tender, soft, intimate. So different from what you had the first time.
You wouldn’t trade it for the world.
“Fives?” You murmur, resting your cheek against his chest.
He hums, his fingers drawing patters on your bare back.
“How long until the others break in?”
He thinks for a moment, going still before you feel his grin against the top of your head. “Long enough for another round.”
“Good.” You say, pushing him over onto his back, sitting yourself up over him. “Because I’m not done with you yet.”
He smirks, his hands settling on your thighs. “Yes, ma’am.”
Summary: Now that you're together with your soulmates, the three of you traverse the galaxy, looking for safe places to lay low for a while. You deal with budding feelings for your soulmates, one of them willing to close that gap between you while the other keeps his distance.
Pairing: Crosshair x reader x Mayday Soulmate AU
Word Count: 8,580 words
Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, p in v sex, oral sex, soft sex, language, kissing, slight angst, NO CLONECEST, soulmate AU, lots of feelings
A/N: Well, what was supposed to be a two part fic has turned into at least three 😂 the way this could easily be a ten part fic...anyway, mainly focused on Mayday in this one, but I promise the next will be focused on Crosshair and his stubborn ass. Hope you enjoy!
Part 1 | MASTERLIST
The days after your exodus from the planet go by smoothly, as smoothly as they can, at least. It’s an adjustment, living on a ship again. This time, though, it’s not just you. You’ve got two more bodies to account for now, two very different bodies.
The first few days require some tiptoeing, trying to figure out some kind of rhythm, some kind of flow around each other. The ship isn’t huge, meant for maybe three or four maximum. Despite that it seems even smaller with your two soulmates with you. Personal space is out of the question, except in the ‘fresher. It normally wouldn’t be a problem, except there’s nowhere for you to truly decompress, to try and process your roiling emotions. You’ve tried meditating, but ever since the purge you’ve struggled to truly clear your mind. It required a vulnerability you haven’t felt safe enough to reach.
Even with your soulmates around, you still can’t clear your head enough to truly lean into the Force. If anything, they seem to be making it worse. It’s harder to focus with that pulling in your chest, the desire deep in your bones to be near them, to touch them, hold them. You’re truly understanding why the Jedi forbade soulmates. One cannot truly live without attachment when you’ve met your soulmate.
You’d do anything to have them close to you, safe where you can see them.
If they’re struggling with it, they’re good at hiding it.
You and Mayday find the flow first after a few days of stepping on toes. You feel closer to him already, that night between the two of you bridging the gap that had been there. He’s the most open with you, willing to be close to you, closer than your forced proximity already makes you be. Often you find yourself easing him to sleep, staying with him as long as you can. You sit in the small bunk, his head resting in your lap, your hand in his resting against his chest. Sometimes you drift off there, slipping into that space between sleep and alertness you seem to hover in indefinitely when you try and sleep.
Even when it is your turn to sleep, you find yourself unable to truly rest. You haven’t slept since your return from rescuing your soulmates, but even then that had been brought on by depleting your energy, draining some of your lifeforce to bring Mayday back. You gave a piece of yourself to him in that moment, something he’ll never completely be able to understand. Not that you’ll tell him. He already feels indebted enough to you for saving his life.
You would never have held it against him, even if he hadn’t been your soulmate.
“It’s your turn.” A voice says behind you, and you turn to glance at Crosshair.
“I can stay awake longer,” you say, brows furrowing. “If you want to rest more.”
“I’m fine.” He says stiffly, waiting behind you for you to move from the pilot’s seat.
The three of you have found a rhythm of taking turns keeping watch. There’s nothing much to watch, aside from hyperspace and the occasional trip to a different lane. Every so often you can feel madness pulling at your mind if you stare for too long at the swirling blue outside the transparisteel. Still, the three of you cycle through rotations, ready in case something does happen, like the Empire waiting for you as you drop out of hyperspace.
“If you’re sure.” You say, staring up at him.
He doesn’t say anything, but you can see it in his eyes. He’s not going to argue with you. It’s his turn and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Crosshair...he’s...difficult. He’s distanced himself from you and Mayday, even in close quarters. He sticks to himself in the pilot’s seat, and goes straight to his bunk as soon as his turn is over. He rarely speaks, aside from the occasional remark when he has to give one. You can’t help but wonder if he’s always been like this, so stiff and unfriendly. Most clones you met had a disposition to be friendly once you got to know them, once you sunk below the dedication to their duty they wore with their armor.
Crosshair, though. He’s something else.
“Nothing happened while you were resting.” You say as you stand, letting him take your place. “We should move to another lane soon, while we wait to hear from Rex.”
“I’ve got it.” He says, glancing at you over his shoulder before settling into the seat.
“Right,” you say, taking a couple steps back before turning around, making your way to where Mayday sits on the floor.
“Don’t let him get to you.” Mayday says softly, handing you a ration pack as you sit next to him.
“I’m not.” You say, peeling it open. Living off rations hasn’t been ideal, but then again, nothing about your situation is ideal. What you wouldn’t give for a warm meal and a real bed.
Mayday gives you a sideways glance before looking back at his ration pack. “This orxtle stew isn’t bad, once you get used to it.”
You chuckle, taking a bite. “It’s really not. What I wouldn’t give for real food, though.” You lean your head back against the wall. “I’ll find us somewhere we can settle down for a short while soon. A real bed, a good shower. You never know how lucky you are until it’s gone.”
Mayday smiles softly. Of course, most of his life had been lived in a sterile, militaristic environment. The Republic didn’t care about the comfort of the clones and what was even more upsetting was that they were used to it. You can’t help but wonder if Mayday has ever slept in a real bed before. Surely on shore leave he must have found somewhere to stay with a good, soft bed.
The idea that he might not have has a lump forming in your throat.
They deserved so much better.
They still do.
“Come on,” Mayday says, offering you a hand once you’re both done eating.
You frown in confusion, but take his hand anyway. “What are you doing?”
“You’re going to get some rest.” he says, pulling you across the ship to the bunks. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not getting much rest.”
“Mayday,” you say softly as he climbs onto the bunk, sitting on the end like you do when you help him sleep. He puts the pillow in his lap, giving some cushion to his armor. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to help you sleep.” He says, patting the bed.
“I didn’t know you were versed in Jedi mind tricks.” you say, climbing up onto the bed anyway.
“I wouldn’t say that I am.” He says as you lay down, resting your head in his lap. The pillow is thin, but you’re grateful for it. “But anything I can do to try and help.”
You’re not sure it will help. It probably won’t, but the idea is touching.
He takes your hand, lacing your fingers with his before resting them against your chest. “Close your eyes.” He says softly, his other hand lifting to rub your temples.
You let out a long breath, relaxing into his lap. You can feel him, the warmth of his being in the Force. Even Crosshair seems softer when he’s not paying attention. You let out a hum as Mayday starts to massage your scalp, almost as if he can ease the tension from your mind. Your eyes slip closed, Mayday’s presence and his calming touch easing your body into a relaxed state.
Your body feels heavy as you lay there, letting his touch lull you into the waiting arms of sleep.
****
You finally get your wish for a warm bed and a hot meal when Rex sends coordinates for a planet free of the Empire, at least for now. The ship has grown smaller and smaller over the last few days, and you’re in desperate need for some fresh air and dirt under your boots. In desperation you take the chance to stay somewhere for longer than just a refuel and a stock up. Even just one night with a roof over your head in a real bed, free from the drag of hyperspace and the enclosed space of the ship, will be enough.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Mayday asks, his voice crackling through his helmet. The three of you are getting glances as you walk down the path into town. Mostly curious, some hesitant. From what you could tell this planet had been untouched during the war, but with a large spaceport, no doubt they heard stories.
“Rex said it’s safe and I trust him.” You say, adjusting your bag on your shoulder. Your lightsaber is tucked safely inside, hidden just in case. You doubt you’ll need it on this planet, but you could never be too careful.
You find the inn easily, stepping inside. The air is cool and clean, free from the slight metallic tang of recycled air. It’s a small inn, but the prospect of a real bed keeps you from being too suspicious. There’s no hostility prevalent in the Force, just confusion and some uneasiness.
“We’d like a room please.” You say to the weequay behind the counter.
He eyes you and the clones behind you before nodding. “How many?”
You think on it for half a moment, thinking of the two clones behind you. “Two.” You say. One would be safer, but you want to give them their privacy. You want your privacy too, after spending over a week stuck on a ship with them.
Both of the clones behind you shift uneasily, and you can just picture the look they’re sharing.
You pay for the rooms, passing off one of the keys to Crosshair. “Let’s go.”
You’re excited at the prospect of a real shower and a real bed as they follow you down the hall. The rooms are across from each other, the three of you coming to a stop in the hallway. Mayday and Crosshair share a look as you use one of the keys to open the room.
Mayday slips past you before you can enter, doing a sweep of the room before coming back out. “It’s safe.” He says, glancing down at you.
You pass off the spare key to him. “Just in case.”
Mayday takes it, nodding. “Enjoy yourself.”
“I’ll knock around third meal time.” You say. “I figure we’ll go out to eat. Get something warm in our stomachs.”
They nod and you close the door, leaning against it for a moment. It feels odd, being alone. The room almost seems too big without their presence constantly surrounding you. For a moment you wish you had just gotten one room, but at the same time, you know they’ll want their own privacy as well. They’ve been stuck with you too, and no doubt they want a break from your presence as well.
You drop your bag on the bed, pulling off your poncho. You need a shower, a good long shower. You take your comm to the fresher just in case, setting it on the small counter. It’s a small fresher, but it has a real shower with running water. That’s all you can ask for after days of nothing but a sonic. You love your ship, but she’s not exactly ideal for long-term travel.
Another reason to look for somewhere more permanent.
You take a long shower, soaking yourself as long as you can stand, scrubbing every inch of your body until your skin hurts. You need this break, this moment to re-calibrate, to rest, to clear your head. Being in close quarters with your soulmates has been distracting, even if just one of them was seeking that kind of connection with you. Crosshair’s distance has intensified that ache in your chest, but you’ve been shoving it aside, focusing on that blossoming warmth coming from Mayday.
You can still feel his fingers gently massaging your scalp, the warmth of him surrounding you as he held you while you slept. You did actually sleep, managing to slip below that haze of half-awareness you existed in. You still hold him when he sleeps. It seemed to help fight away that anxiety, the dread that settles into him when it comes time for him to rest. That’s something you didn’t think about in this arrangement. He’s not going to be able to sleep alone in that room.
Maybe you should have just gone with one room.
You change into clean clothes after your shower, laying yourself out on the bed. It’s a bit lumpy, but it feels like heaven after the stiff mattresses in the bunks of your ship. You could fall asleep right here like this, splayed out on top of the bed.
You don’t, though, far too aware to drift off to sleep. Instead you simply lay there, eyes closed as you try to focus on the Force. It swirls around you, seeping into your mind, easing your thoughts to a quiet hum. You focus on Mayday and Crosshair, on their beings, the life that exudes from them. There’s a tingling at the base of your skull, a feeling almost like giddiness filling you as you think on them.
They’re your soulmates.
The two beings your soul was meant to find, to have. None of you would be complete without the other. Even Crosshair and Mayday would have a more profound bond than they would with others because of their shared link with you. Perhaps that’s what drove Crosshair to kill their superior officer. Mayday nearly died because the Empire shared the same view as the Republic. The clones were hardly more than tools, useful only as bodies to fill a gap. Even now they were being phased out, disappearing more and more each day.
You saved them from that same treatment. You brought Mayday back from the brink of death, and you saved Crosshair from being another clone that disappeared, or worse. What would they have done to him? The thought has nausea churning in your stomach, nerves prickling under your skin. How easily you could have lost both of them. A few more moments and they would have been gone forever.
You push the thoughts aside, anxiety blooming under your skin. You crack your eyes open, sitting up on the bed. The sky is starting to darken, the chronometer on the bedside table telling you it’s nearly time for third meal. There’s a cantina across the street, a good place to look for hot food. Anything will be better than rations, you think.
You push yourself off the bed, grabbing your bag and throwing on your poncho before leaving the room to get your soulmates.
****
It’s late.
Something moves inside your room, shifting in the dark. You’re awake almost instantly, reaching out in the Force for whatever malice you might feel, whatever agent has made the mistake of creeping into your room in the dead of night. You sit up in bed, flicking on the light, lightsaber hilt in hand. You’re ready for a fight, even with the groginess of sleep still tugging at your mind.
“Mayday?” You ask quietly, brows furrowing as you blink away the sting of the lamp’s light from your eyes.
He’s standing at the end of your bed, looking rather sheepish. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay.” You say, setting your saber hilt back on the bedside table. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I couldn’t sleep.” He says, shifting on his feet. He’s still wearing his armor, helmet in hand.
Of course. You had been right in your assumption he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you. Of course you’ll help him again, but you feel bad about poor Crosshair being left alone. He might prefer it, though, getting a break from you and Mayday.
You try not to let that bother you.
You sit up straighter in bed, resting your back against the headboard. “Come here.”
“I, uh, had something different in mind tonight.” He says, shifting on his feet.
“Okay.” You say softly, watching him.
He hesitates for just a second before he moves to the side of the bed, stripping off his armor piece by piece before climbing under the covers. It takes you by surprise as he shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around you. He’s hesitant, moving slowly, waiting for you to stop him, to say no. You’re curious about what he has in mind, letting him shift your body so you’re laying further on the bed. The length of his body presses against your side, his head coming to rest on your stomach. Your heart is thumping hard in your chest, your body tingling from how close he is. This feels far more intense, far more...intimate.
His arm wraps around your body, hand pressing against your side. “Thought this might be more comfortable for you.”
It is, at least it will be more comfortable than trying to sleep sitting up. You doubt you’ll be able to sleep though, not with your thoughts reeling from having him so close. He feels so warm, like a heated blanket pressed against you. You feel alive, every nerve ending alight where he’s touching you.
You rest a hand on his head, stroking his soft hair. He lets out a sigh, gripping you tighter, his fingers flexing against your side. “I like this.” He murmurs, his breath warm through your thin shirt.
“I do too,” you admit, resting your hand against the side of his head. “It feels nice.”
He hums as you start to ease his thoughts, pulling him into the waiting arms of sleep. His body grows heavy against yours as he relaxes, his breaths slow and even.
You’re far too awake to sleep, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You’ve had him this close before, but it’s never felt quite like this. You can feel another gap being closed, a bridge being built between the two of you in this moment. You drape an arm over him, leaning back against the pillows. He’s so warm and his weight is so comforting, grounding you in the moment. Slowly your eyes begin to droop, growing heavy as sleep waits to take you into her waiting arms.
****
You’re not sure what time it is when you wake. The curtains over the window are blocking out the sun, but there’s a dim light in the room. It’s warm in the bed, a gentle, slow thumping echoing in your ear. You shift your head, cracking your eyes open.
Oh.
You’ve moved in the night, Mayday on his back now against the pillows. You’re laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around you. An excited thrill runs down your spine at the prospect of being held by him, of being wrapped in his arms. He’s awake, you can tell by the gentle brush of his thumb on the back of your arm. Not only did he wake to find you like this, but he’s willingly stayed like this since. Your heart starts to pound hard in your chest, warmth flowing through you.
“Mayday?” You say quietly, shifting just slightly against him.
His thumb stills, his body tensing just in the slightest. “Yes?” His voice is equally as soft.
“How long have we been like this?”
“Since I woke up.” He says softly. “I didn’t want to move and wake you.”
“I don’t mind.” You say quietly. “If you’re uncomfortable…”
“I’m not.” He says quickly, holding you just slightly tighter than he was. “I...I think this is quite nice, actually.”
You hum, listening to the steady thump of his heart beneath your ear. It’s picked up speed just slightly. That fact has a smile tugging at your lips. “I think it’s nice too.” you say. “Comfortable.”
He swallows thickly, his heart picking up speed just a bit more. You tilt your head up, cheek brushing against the rough fabric of his blacks. He’s staring down at you, something unreadable in his gaze. He’s nervous, you can feel that through the Force. His hand flattens against your back, warm through your thin tunic.
“Mayday?” you whisper, gaze locked with his.
“If I wanted to kiss you, would you mind?” He asks.
You shake your head. “I wouldn’t mind.”
You lean forward, your gaze dropping to his lips. His hand raises, cupping your cheek tenderly, pulling you the rest of the way down. Your lips brush his softly, almost hesitantly. Your own heart is thudding hard in your chest, excitement and nerves fluttering under your skin. You haven’t been this close to another person in a long time.
His lips press firmer against yours, his fingers sinking into your hair, holding you in place. You hum against his lips, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before, your very nerves alight with energy. You feel closer to him, closer than you are just physically, like a piece of your soul has been put back into place. A piece you hadn’t known was missing. It leaves you feeling full and warm and so alive.
Mayday shifts, rolling over so you’re on your back in bed, his body hovering over yours. His hand slides from your hair to your cheek, cradling your face as he pulls back. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him down closer to you. You’re breathing the same air, close enough you can feel it fanning your lips.
“I liked that.” You say softly, staring up into those big brown eyes.
“So did I.” He says, his gaze intense.
There’s a moment of silence between the two of you, lost in each others’ eyes. The hole in your chest is slowly closing, something filling that gap in your soul you hadn’t realized was there. It’ll never completely close, not until Crosshair opens himself up to you, but for now you’ll take this lessening of the ache that’s filled you since the day you rescued them.
Mayday leans down again, closing that space between you as he kisses you once more. His body is pressed against yours, heavy weight settled against you. It’s grounding, a firm reminder that he’s really here, that he’s really with you, that this is really real.
A knock on the door has you both pulling away from each other, your face warming. It’s likely Crosshair waiting for the two of you to find somewhere to have first meal. You wonder how long he’s been waiting, how much time he gave you before he grew tired.
Mayday rolls from on top of you, sitting up on the edge of the bed. You do the same on the other side, straightening yourself up a bit before heading for the door. You’re right, it is Crosshair on the other side, his gaze sharp and assessing. Of course he’s assuming. He woke up to find Mayday gone and there would be only one place he’d go. That doesn’t stop the warmth from blossoming across your face as you stare up at him.
“Morning, Crosshair.” You say, clearing your throat. “We’ll be out in a minute.”
He doesn’t say anything, just nods once before you close the door again. You bury your face in your hands, your face burning. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, yet embarrassment at the awkwardness that had just ensued rushes through you. The things he probably thought went on in this room last night.
You take a moment to calm down, sprucing yourself up in the ‘fresher as Mayday dons his armor again. You pack your bag, slipping your saber in the pocket before the two of you step out, Mayday’s hand slipping into yours. You squeeze your fingers around his hand, giving him a smile before the three of you make your way down the hallway.
****
The ship feels even smaller now that this development has grown between you and Mayday. You’re back in space again, jumping from one hyperspace lane to the next, looking for your next safe place to lay low for a few days. You wish you could have stayed on that planet longer, but it wasn’t safe. Not with the Empire rapidly expanding its occupations. Nowhere was truly safe, except perhaps some backwater planets with no spaceports.
Those were always an option.
A last ditch option, but they were still on the list.
“You’re not sleeping again.” Mayday says as the two of you sit side by side eating what you suppose is second meal. You haven’t been sleeping much, that’s true. You’ve been too busy thinking up plans, where to go, what to do if the Empire finds you. You’ve already resigned to the thought that you’d sacrifice yourself for your soulmates. You’d give them a fighting chance to get away, even if it meant your death. It’s not fair, but it’s what you’d do.
You won’t tell them that though. Not unless the time came for it.
You hope it never will.
You shrug your shoulders, brushing up against him. “Just haven’t been able to calm my mind.” You admit it, not wanting to keep too many things from him.
He hums, staring at you. “You worry too much.”
“It’s in my nature.” You say, turning to gaze back at him. “I worry about you and Crosshair, about what might happen should the Empire find us.”
“We’re being careful.” He says, reaching out to brush the back of your hand with his gloved fingers. “Any sight of them and we know what we have to do.” Run for our lives.
“I just wish we could find somewhere permanent.” You say quietly, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Stop having to run and hide. Somewhere we know will be safe.”
He leans his head on top of yours, sighing softly. “That would be nice. But something tells me we won’t be so lucky.”
You hum in agreement, pulling away to eat the rest of your meal. You grab another packet of food, making your way to the front of the ship to give Crosshair some reprieve.
“Here,” you say, holding out the packet to him. “You should get some rest.”
He glances up at you before taking it. “I’m fine.”
You sink into the co-pilot’s seat, turning it so you’re facing him. “You know you don’t have to be so distant.” You fold your legs under you. “I don’t bite...unless you want me to.”
His sharp gaze deepens into a glare at your joke, but you don’t back down. You continue to stare at him softly, trying to break through that razor sharp barrier between the two of you. His hesitation, his fear, his insecurity. You can feel it all in the Force, the inner turmoil he feels every day. It would lessen if he would just let go, if he just gave in. You could help him carry that guilt that brews under the surface. You want to pick at it, break that ice bit by bit until he’s open to you. You won’t, though. You’ll respect that boundary.
“Seriously, though, you should go rest.” You say softly, continuing to stare at him.
“Are you going to sit here until I do?” He asks.
You nod. “Yes.”
He stares at you for a long moment before his shoulders drop just slightly with a sigh. He rises from the pilot’s seat, making his way back into the back of the ship. You watch him go before turning back to the flashing blue of hyperspace with a victorious grin. At least you got him to rest.
****
The next planet you land on is hot. Dry air whips around you as soon as the ramp has lowered, the suns high in the sky.
“I hate this already.” Mayday says, voice crackling through his helmet.
“Let’s just hope they have air conditioning indoors.” You say, squinting in the bright light of the suns as you make your way towards the town. There’s not many out and about, and you can see why. The heat has beads of sweat trailing down your spine. You can only imagine how hot it is under that armor.
You find the nearest inn, and mercifully the air inside is cool. You brush the sweat from your forehead as you approach the front desk, getting hesitant looks again, no doubt thanks to the two clones behind you. They’ve taken off their helmets, likely to seem less threatening.
You get two rooms again, the boys heading off to one while you take the other. It’s a small room, but it’s got a real bed and a real ‘fresher so you can’t complain. It’s becoming routine, showering as soon as you get in before dropping onto the mattress to lay down and relax for a while.
You should think about food, but you can’t quite bring yourself to get up yet, enjoying the feeling of your body sinking into the mattress. It’s so nice after days on your ship, sleeping on hard mats in the bunks. You could get used to this, but that’s a dangerous thought process to have right now. The more you get used to it, the harder it’ll be to leave, the harder it’ll be to want to stay safe.
Safety is your main concern right now, and it needs to stay that way.
You sigh before rising from the bed, tucking your lightsaber into your bag again before exiting the room, knocking on the door across the hall to get the boys for second meal.
****
It’s not even dark yet when the knock sounds at the door. Your brows pull into a frown and you reach out in the Force, the frown falling at the familiar warm signature on the other side. You open the door, peeking out to find Mayday waiting there.
“Mayday?” You ask, opening the door a bit wider.
“He sent me over here.” He says. “Knew I’d be coming anyway.”
You nod slowly, opening the door wider to let him through. He steps into the room, heading for the bed. You close and lock the door behind him, ensuring it’s properly closed before turning back to him, joining him near the bed.
“I worry about him being alone.” You say, moving to the other side of the bed before sinking down onto the mattress.
“I think he prefers it.” Mayday says, starting to remove his armor. “He’s a solitary creature.”
“Still.” You frown, glancing towards the door. “I hate that he’s all by himself.”
“He’s doing it to himself.” Mayday says, sinking down on the other side of the bed. “It would be easier if he just gave in.”
“I know.” You sigh. “He won’t though. Not until he works through whatever it is going on in his head. I wish he’d share, but...he’s so closed off. I just want to help him.”
“He’ll warm up to you eventually.” Mayday says, sounding so sure of himself. “I’m just worried about what it might take to make that happen.”
“He warmed up to you, it sounds like.” You say, glancing at him.
“Yeah, after we almost died. Literally.” His brows furrow, that dark look coming back into his gaze.
You reach out to him, taking his hand, pulling him closer. He sprawls out on the bed, letting you maneuver him so his head is in your lap. “Don’t think about that.” You say, running your fingers over his face. “You’re still alive and breathing.”
“You remind me of that.” He says softly, his fingers brushing your cheek. “Every time I’m close to you I’m reminded of what you did for me.”
You smile softly, your thumb brushing his lips. “I’d do it again, too.”
He pushes himself up to sit, leaning his body over yours. You stare up at him, into those captivating brown eyes. He doesn’t ask this time as he leans down, pressing his lips to yours. You kiss him back, your hand lifting to cup the back of his head, fingers sinking into his hair. His beard tickles you as he kisses you deeply, tilting his head as he pushes you back against the pillows.
His body is warm as it presses into yours, your hands sliding down his neck to his broad shoulders. He continues to kiss you, his tongue pressing against your lips. You open to him, pulling him down closer against your body. His arms wrap around your waist, holding you as he kisses you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Your entire body is alive with energy, electricity flowing through your veins from how close he is to you. You’ve never felt quite so alive, quite so complete as you do right now. The hole in your chest has been filled by Mayday and his proximity, his touch, his kisses. He’s giving you what you’ve been yearning for since the day you saved him.
He pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours as he breathes deeply. You’re breathing heavily as well, breath stolen by his sweet kisses. “I don’t want to stop.” He breathes, breath brushing your face.
“Then don’t.” You say, opening your eyes to stare up at him.
He meets your gaze, something unspoken passing through the two of you. There’s a finality to what you’re about to do. There’s no going back once it’s been done, once that bond has been completely built. You’ll become one, never to be parted again.
You wouldn’t wish for anything else.
Mayday leans back down, pressing his lips to yours again. He shifts slightly as he kisses you deeply, his bare hand slipping under the hem of your thin tunic to press against the skin of your stomach. His hand is so warm, calloused from years of training and handling weapons.
His beard brushes your skin as his lips trail down your jaw, your head tilting back to give him space as he continues that path down to your neck. Your entire body is alive and sensitive to his touch, goosebumps forming on your skin. Your hand tangles in his hair as his hand slides higher, blazing a path up your side until he reaches your breastband. His fingers tease the edge of the fabric, dipping underneath for a moment.
You push on his shoulders, his entire body moving back as you sit up. You tug your tunic over your head, tossing it onto the floor. Goosebumps erupt across your skin as he stares at you, his eyes focused and assessing every inch of skin revealed to him, every mark and scar visible in the low lamp light. His hand lifts, fingers brushing a nasty looking mark on the side of your shoulder.
“Ventress.” You explain.
“You fought her?” He asks, eyes darting up to you as his fingers continue to brush the raised skin.
“We had run-ins a couple times.” You say, shrugging. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.” His brow furrows as he stares at the mark, at what it means, what it could have meant. “Could have been worse.” You say, turning his face back to yours. “We all have our scars.”
He hums low in his chest, his hand sliding down your arm.
You let out a breath for a moment before lifting your hands to your breastband, pulling it up over your head. Your nipples pebble in the cool air of the room, your body suddenly very exposed to him. It feels strange, being so naked in front of someone after so long, but at the same time, it feels right that it’s him.
He stares at you hard, his gaze locked onto your bare breasts.
“You ever seen a pair of breasts before?” You ask, staring at him.
“Only in holofilms.” He says, still staring at your breasts. You raise a brow, his eyes darting to yours as he shrugs. “It was a long year on Barton IV.”
You chuckle, taking his hands in yours before lifting them to your breasts. “You can touch me, you know.”
His hands cup around your breasts, holding them like they’re precious gems. His gaze is still locked onto them, as if he’s trying to commit them to memory. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. All he has to do is ask now that this barrier has been knocked down. You certainly won’t say no. You like the way his hands hold you, the warmth of them, the way his calloused skin drags along your own soft, sensitive skin.
His thumbs brush your nipples, a quiet gasp leaving your lips. Electricity shoots directly between your legs from the stimulation. Mayday’s eyes dart to yours for a moment before he does it again, drawing another soft gasp from your lips. He leans down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. Your hand tangles in his hair as you arch in pleasure, his tongue circling the sensitive bud. He’s so sure of himself for a man who has likely never touched a woman before. Those must have been some holofilms he was watching.
He pushes you back against the pillows, shifting himself over you. You part your legs, allowing him between them where he comes to rest almost perfectly, like he was made to fit there. Well, in a way he was. You are perfect for each other, after all.
He pulls away from your breast to move to the other, giving it the same attention. Heat is pooling between your legs, your underwear starting to get wet just from his touch, just from having him so close. It feels so vulnerable, being so bare before him, but you wouldn’t trust anyone else, even in the short time you’ve known him.
He pulls away from your breast, tilting his head up to look at you. You run your fingers through his hair, his beard tickling the skin of your stomach as he starts to slide down further between your legs. He pushes himself up onto his knees, tugging the top of his blacks over his head, revealing his chest. You’re unafraid to stare at him, taking in the lean muscle, the soft tanned skin, the marks and scars from battle.
“You’re kriffing beautiful.” You say, unabashedly staring.
“Not as beautiful as you.” He says, leaning forward to kiss you again.
His body presses against yours, skin against skin. You feel alive where he’s touching you, sensitive and perceptive to every inch of him. You can feel him, hard in his blacks where he’s resting between your legs. Your own underwear is soaked already, just at the prospect of finally having him.
“I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.” He murmurs against your lips.
“Who said I wanted you to hold back?” You say, raising a brow at him as you pull away.
He stares down at you for a long moment before he sits himself back up on his knees, his hands falling to the waistband of your pants. They slip beneath the waistband, tugging them down, your hips lifting to give him space. He tosses your pants onto the floor with the rest of your clothes, his fingers hesitating for a moment around the waistband of your underwear. He’s staring at them, and for a moment you wish you could figure out what’s going on in his head.
Finally he slips his fingers under your underwear, pulling them down your legs as well before dropping them onto the floor. He sucks in a breath as he stares at you, bare and revealed before him. His hands part your thighs, pressing them into the mattress as he stares. You don’t mind his staring, despite the faint nervous flutter of your stomach from being so exposed to him. He doesn’t seem to mind either, his hands sliding down to your inner thighs.
“Kriffing beautiful.” He murmurs, sliding himself back before laying between your legs.
“Mayday…” you say, watching him as he leans forward, licking a stripe up your slit. “Oh,” your head falls back, your body relaxing as he repeats the motion.
His mouth closes around you, lips searching, seeking until they find what they’re looking for. His lips wrap around your clit, sucking hard. Your body jolts from the sudden pleasure, finally getting some relief from the ache that’s been steadily building there. Quiet moans leave your lips as he flicks your clit with his tongue, drawing patterns on it before wrapping his lips around it again.
You’re close already, the pleasure building and building. Your legs are shaking around his head, threatening to squeeze closed around it. You don’t want to suffocate him, but from the sound of it, he wouldn’t mind. He’s groaning against your pussy, beard scraping your thighs but you don’t care. You like the rough feeling of it, the drag of it against your sensitive skin.
Your entire body trembles as you come undone, back arching off the bed as he continues to suck your clit between his lips through your orgasm. Sparks erupt behind your eyes, the desire to be closer to him burning through you. It’s not enough. You need more. You need him wholly.
You have to push him away as overstimulation burns through you, his pupils wide as they stare up at you. “I need a break.” You pant, falling limp against the bed again. “Maker, how did you learn to do that?”
“Like I said, I watched a lot of holofilms.” He shrugs.
“I guess you did.” You grin, reaching out for him.
He slots himself between your thighs again, his lower half still closed. You can feel the press of his cock through the thick fabric of his blacks, dragging against your still soaked slit. You wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him, tasting yourself on his tongue. You moan against his lips as he grinds against you, pressing your bodies closer together.
“I need you,” he groans against your lips, nearly begging. He must be feeling the connection just as strongly as you are, that desire to be complete and whole.
“Then take me,” you say, pulling back to look up at him.
Something shines in his eyes as he pauses a moment, just staring at you. You stare back just as intently, feeling the warmth blossoming through him in the Force.
Love.
Your cheeks warm as he leans back onto his knees, sliding his blacks down his legs before kicking them off rather uncoordinated. He nearly topples over the edge of the bed in his haste, catching himself before he thuds to the floor. You can’t help but giggle at him, a grin forming on his face.
“Got me so excited I can hardly contain it.” He says, kneeling himself between your legs again. His cock is hard and standing at attention between his legs, thick and long. Your mouth waters at the sight of it and the prospect of how good it’s going to feel inside of you.
“Well, don’t hurt yourself.” You say, squeezing your thighs around your hips.
“I won’t.” He says softly, running his hands up your thighs. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Your face warms at his words, your hands lowering to his to squeeze them softly. He leans over you, one hand guiding his cock to your pussy. He drags it through your folds, gathering your slick before he presses it against you, slowly easing himself into you.
You moan at the stretch, at the feeling of him finally giving you what you need, what you’ve been desiring for days. That final barrier between you is coming down, the gap in your soul finally closing now that you are complete.
He slowly rocks his hips, easing himself into you. You’re moaning already, relaxing against the bed so he can sink in as deep as possible. It’s been so long, your body so sensitive already to him. He doesn’t stop until his hips are flush with yours, his body leaning down over yours. He sinks onto his elbows above you, pressing your bodies close together. You wrap your arms around his neck, clinging to him.
“Feel so good,” he murmurs, lips brushing your cheek.
“I’ve never felt so complete before,” you breathe, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Neither have I.” He says, shifting his body just slightly. It moves his cock inside of you, your legs tensing around his waist.
“I need you to move.” You say, squeezing around him.
He groans, shifting his hips again. “Yes, ma’am.”
You grin, holding onto him as he begins to move his hips, rocking slowly back and forth. You’re pressed so close together, bodies attempting to sink into each other, to become one being. You would if you could, sink into him until there was nothing left of your own form. You are one, though, one soul, one spirit. Even in the Force you can feel edges of yourself beginning to blend into him. You can feel him more strongly, fingertips alive with energy as you touch him. He’s almost glowing in the Force, vibrant and alive.
He continues to rock against you, thrusting into you harder and harder. You’re not sure how long you’ll last, not with the way he feels inside of you after all this time. That it took you this long is a miracle. Since you met your body has been calling out for him, any touch it can possibly get, with this being the desired result of such touches. Most didn’t wait as long as you did, but it had been necessary, given the situation.
He’s grunting and moaning into your ear, arms wrapped around you. It’s like a symphony of noises in the room, your own moans mixing with his, the slap of skin against skin, the wet squelch of your pussy. Obscene, but you’ve never been more aroused before. You give little thought to the poor people in the rooms around you and just how much they can hear. This is just about you and Mayday right now.
“Feel so good,” he groans, pressing his face into your neck. “I’m so close.”
“Me too,” you breathe, that edge of pleasure getting closer and closer with every press of his hips against you.
He shifts slightly, angling his hips upward. The tip of his cock brushes that spot inside of you, your entire body shuddering at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. Your moans get louder, your body clinging tighter to Mayday.
“Just like that,” you gasp. “Don’t stop!”
He continues to thrust into you at that angle, his hips nearly brutal in their movements. He’s chasing that high as desperately as you are, needing to feel you cum around him. You’re so close, that edge rapidly approaching with every press of his hips.
Your orgasm slams into you, your body writhing against his at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. You squeeze around him, his own hips jerking as you milk his orgasm out of him. He spills into you, his body tensing for just a moment before he goes lax against you, pinning you down against the bed.
The two of you just lay there for a long moment, breathing heavily, still trembling from your orgasms. You could lay like this for the rest of the night, filled by him, whole and together.
“I could stay like this forever.” He murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw.
“Me too,” you say, kissing his shoulder. “I’ve never felt so alive.”
It’s true. Despite the exhaustion, you’ve never felt more complete, more whole, more alive than you do right now. Every inch of your body is aware of Mayday, of his own body, his own existence. One of the gaping holes in your soul has been filled, completed, sealed shut forever. There’s still the other hole, wide and open and unfulfilled, but you’ll get there. It’ll close eventually. You have faith it will.
Slowly Mayday begins to move, lifting himself up off of you. Your body groans as he slips out of you, both from the loss of him and from the soreness no doubt you’ll feel tomorrow. Mayday heads for the ‘fresher, grabbing a damp towel to clean you up, wiping his seed from between your thighs. It’s touching, that he thought to do that. You wouldn’t have cared, tired enough to leave it a problem for tomorrow.
Mayday joins you back in bed, crawling under the covers with you. He pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arm around you. You’re both sweaty but you don’t care, having crossed that bridge of being disgusted by body fluids. You’ve had him inside of you. That feeling is long gone.
“I love you,” he murmurs softly, his presence in the Force alive with warmth and affection.
It brings a smile to your face, your body relaxing into that feeling. “I love you too.”
Your eyes drift closed and for the first time in a while, you drift off into a peaceful sleep.
****
A knock at the door is what wakes you, your head jerking up. Mayday is already awake, wrapped around your body from behind. He rubs his face, sucking in a deep breath. You wipe your own eyes, groggy and feeling like you slept too long. You might have.
It’s Crosshair at the door, Mayday pulling on his blacks before answering. You’ll have to get up, freshen yourself up. A shower would be nice, but you’re not sure Crosshair would be that patient. He’s probably given you more time than he should have.
You pull on your clothes before heading to the ‘fresher to freshen up just a bit. Mayday has his armor on when you leave the ‘fresher, helmet in hand. You grab your bag, double checking your saber is in its pocket before you step out the door, meeting Crosshair in the hallway. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed, a look on his face you’ve never seen before. His presence in the Force is twisted, just as sharp as it usually is.
You try to ignore it as Mayday takes your hand, the three of you making your way out of the inn to find somewhere to have first meal before you leave the planet.
You find an open cantina, sitting down to eat quickly. You want to be off the planet before the day heats up again. You could go your entire life without feeling heat like that again.
The three of you make your way towards the ship after eating, you and Mayday walking hand in hand while Crosshair picks up the rear, something that’s become a normal formation for the three of you.
As you approach the ship, Crosshair starts to slow before he comes to a stop.
You turn to look back at him, brows furrowed. “Crosshair?” You ask softly, his gaze on the ground, brows pulled in a frown. You step closer to him, worry starting to fill you. “What is it?”
He’s staring intently on a spot in the dirt, fingers tensed around his helmet that’s tucked under his arm. “I want to do it.” He says softly, so low you almost don’t hear him.
You take another step closer, head tilted. “Do what?”
“I want to find them.” He lifts his gaze to yours, shoulders set. “My old squad. I want to find them.”
I'm aggravated with myself that it's taken this long for me to reblog this. I read it as soon as I possibly could, I've just had issues with reblogging lately. But I'm here now, and I'm excited!!
Nothing against Crosshair, but Mayday is my favorite part of this fic, so I was thrilled with the events of this chapter!!
We knew that Mayday would be the first to give in to the pull of the soulmate connection. And it was so beautiful!!
Even before they "took that final step", they were already getting closer. Sleeping together without actually "sleeping together." (Why am I using so many quotation marks!)
Then we have Crosshair over here still being as prickly as can be!! Come on, Crosshair!! Stop fighting it! ;)
Then when Mayday came into her room. Dude, you scared her!! Give a knock next time! Haha.
And then when he suggested something different...I melted.
“I, uh, had something different in mind tonight.” He says, shifting on his feet.
“Okay.” You say softly, watching him.
He hesitates for just a second before he moves to the side of the bed, stripping off his armor piece by piece before climbing under the covers. It takes you by surprise as he shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around you. He’s hesitant, moving slowly, waiting for you to stop him, to say no. You’re curious about what he has in mind, letting him shift your body so you’re laying further on the bed. The length of his body presses against your side, his head coming to rest on your stomach.
Ooooh, that's so sweet!
Then waking up IN HIS ARMS!!! Yes!!
Then him asking to kiss her?!!!
“If I wanted to kiss you, would you mind?” He asks.
You shake your head. “I wouldn’t mind.”
You lean forward, your gaze dropping to his lips. His hand raises, cupping your cheek tenderly, pulling you the rest of the way down. Your lips brush his softly, almost hesitantly.
And then...and then...Crosshair knocks! Argh!
And the next time it happens.
“He sent me over here.” He says. “Knew I’d be coming anyway.”
I had to laugh at that. I can just picture Crosshair saying, Just go, you know you're going to anyway!
And when Mayday finally saw her breasts, I had to giggle. It seems like that's a pretty common reaction, especially when someone sees them for the first time. But especially someone like Mayday, who has NO experience.
He stares at you hard, his gaze locked onto your bare breasts.
“You ever seen a pair of breasts before?” You ask, staring at him.
“Only in holofilms.” He says, still staring at your breasts. You raise a brow, his eyes darting to yours as he shrugs. “It was a long year on Barton IV.”
You chuckle, taking his hands in yours before lifting them to your breasts. “You can touch me, you know.”
His hands cup around your breasts, holding them like they’re precious gems.
Good for him! And good for her!
“I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.” He murmurs against your lips.
“Who said I wanted you to hold back?” You say, raising a brow at him as you pull away.
Let's do this!!
The humor is one of my favorite parts. I like humor with my smut.
“I need a break.” You pant, falling limp against the bed again. “Maker, how did you learn to do that?”
“Like I said, I watched a lot of holofilms.” He shrugs.
“I guess you did.” You grin, reaching out for him.
Haha!!
Then this was so sweet.
Something shines in his eyes as he pauses a moment, just staring at you. You stare back just as intently, feeling the warmth blossoming through him in the Force.
Love.
LOVE!!! Aaaah!! So lovely!!
This was a delightful chapter.
And now Crosshair wants to find the Batch...what's that all about?!
Awww it's okay!!! I told you to take your time!!! I'm certainly not mad. You've been going through a lot lately so it's entirely understandable 💜 I'm so glad you enjoyed it though!! I too love some humor with my smut and try to squeeze it in everywhere I can 😂 I think Mayday has been my favorite part as well, but Crosshair might beat him out though as we get into the next part...you'll have to see what I mean 🤭 anyway thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I always look forward to your thoughts 💜💜
Summary: Now that you're together with your soulmates, the three of you traverse the galaxy, looking for safe places to lay low for a while. You deal with budding feelings for your soulmates, one of them willing to close that gap between you while the other keeps his distance.
Pairing: Crosshair x reader x Mayday Soulmate AU
Word Count: 8,580 words
Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, p in v sex, oral sex, soft sex, language, kissing, slight angst, NO CLONECEST, soulmate AU, lots of feelings
A/N: Well, what was supposed to be a two part fic has turned into at least three 😂 the way this could easily be a ten part fic...anyway, mainly focused on Mayday in this one, but I promise the next will be focused on Crosshair and his stubborn ass. Hope you enjoy!
Part 1 | MASTERLIST
The days after your exodus from the planet go by smoothly, as smoothly as they can, at least. It’s an adjustment, living on a ship again. This time, though, it’s not just you. You’ve got two more bodies to account for now, two very different bodies.
The first few days require some tiptoeing, trying to figure out some kind of rhythm, some kind of flow around each other. The ship isn’t huge, meant for maybe three or four maximum. Despite that it seems even smaller with your two soulmates with you. Personal space is out of the question, except in the ‘fresher. It normally wouldn’t be a problem, except there’s nowhere for you to truly decompress, to try and process your roiling emotions. You’ve tried meditating, but ever since the purge you’ve struggled to truly clear your mind. It required a vulnerability you haven’t felt safe enough to reach.
Even with your soulmates around, you still can’t clear your head enough to truly lean into the Force. If anything, they seem to be making it worse. It’s harder to focus with that pulling in your chest, the desire deep in your bones to be near them, to touch them, hold them. You’re truly understanding why the Jedi forbade soulmates. One cannot truly live without attachment when you’ve met your soulmate.
You’d do anything to have them close to you, safe where you can see them.
If they’re struggling with it, they’re good at hiding it.
You and Mayday find the flow first after a few days of stepping on toes. You feel closer to him already, that night between the two of you bridging the gap that had been there. He’s the most open with you, willing to be close to you, closer than your forced proximity already makes you be. Often you find yourself easing him to sleep, staying with him as long as you can. You sit in the small bunk, his head resting in your lap, your hand in his resting against his chest. Sometimes you drift off there, slipping into that space between sleep and alertness you seem to hover in indefinitely when you try and sleep.
Even when it is your turn to sleep, you find yourself unable to truly rest. You haven’t slept since your return from rescuing your soulmates, but even then that had been brought on by depleting your energy, draining some of your lifeforce to bring Mayday back. You gave a piece of yourself to him in that moment, something he’ll never completely be able to understand. Not that you’ll tell him. He already feels indebted enough to you for saving his life.
You would never have held it against him, even if he hadn’t been your soulmate.
“It’s your turn.” A voice says behind you, and you turn to glance at Crosshair.
“I can stay awake longer,” you say, brows furrowing. “If you want to rest more.”
“I’m fine.” He says stiffly, waiting behind you for you to move from the pilot’s seat.
The three of you have found a rhythm of taking turns keeping watch. There’s nothing much to watch, aside from hyperspace and the occasional trip to a different lane. Every so often you can feel madness pulling at your mind if you stare for too long at the swirling blue outside the transparisteel. Still, the three of you cycle through rotations, ready in case something does happen, like the Empire waiting for you as you drop out of hyperspace.
“If you’re sure.” You say, staring up at him.
He doesn’t say anything, but you can see it in his eyes. He’s not going to argue with you. It’s his turn and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Crosshair...he’s...difficult. He’s distanced himself from you and Mayday, even in close quarters. He sticks to himself in the pilot’s seat, and goes straight to his bunk as soon as his turn is over. He rarely speaks, aside from the occasional remark when he has to give one. You can’t help but wonder if he’s always been like this, so stiff and unfriendly. Most clones you met had a disposition to be friendly once you got to know them, once you sunk below the dedication to their duty they wore with their armor.
Crosshair, though. He’s something else.
“Nothing happened while you were resting.” You say as you stand, letting him take your place. “We should move to another lane soon, while we wait to hear from Rex.”
“I’ve got it.” He says, glancing at you over his shoulder before settling into the seat.
“Right,” you say, taking a couple steps back before turning around, making your way to where Mayday sits on the floor.
“Don’t let him get to you.” Mayday says softly, handing you a ration pack as you sit next to him.
“I’m not.” You say, peeling it open. Living off rations hasn’t been ideal, but then again, nothing about your situation is ideal. What you wouldn’t give for a warm meal and a real bed.
Mayday gives you a sideways glance before looking back at his ration pack. “This orxtle stew isn’t bad, once you get used to it.”
You chuckle, taking a bite. “It’s really not. What I wouldn’t give for real food, though.” You lean your head back against the wall. “I’ll find us somewhere we can settle down for a short while soon. A real bed, a good shower. You never know how lucky you are until it’s gone.”
Mayday smiles softly. Of course, most of his life had been lived in a sterile, militaristic environment. The Republic didn’t care about the comfort of the clones and what was even more upsetting was that they were used to it. You can’t help but wonder if Mayday has ever slept in a real bed before. Surely on shore leave he must have found somewhere to stay with a good, soft bed.
The idea that he might not have has a lump forming in your throat.
They deserved so much better.
They still do.
“Come on,” Mayday says, offering you a hand once you’re both done eating.
You frown in confusion, but take his hand anyway. “What are you doing?”
“You’re going to get some rest.” he says, pulling you across the ship to the bunks. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not getting much rest.”
“Mayday,” you say softly as he climbs onto the bunk, sitting on the end like you do when you help him sleep. He puts the pillow in his lap, giving some cushion to his armor. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to help you sleep.” He says, patting the bed.
“I didn’t know you were versed in Jedi mind tricks.” you say, climbing up onto the bed anyway.
“I wouldn’t say that I am.” He says as you lay down, resting your head in his lap. The pillow is thin, but you’re grateful for it. “But anything I can do to try and help.”
You’re not sure it will help. It probably won’t, but the idea is touching.
He takes your hand, lacing your fingers with his before resting them against your chest. “Close your eyes.” He says softly, his other hand lifting to rub your temples.
You let out a long breath, relaxing into his lap. You can feel him, the warmth of his being in the Force. Even Crosshair seems softer when he’s not paying attention. You let out a hum as Mayday starts to massage your scalp, almost as if he can ease the tension from your mind. Your eyes slip closed, Mayday’s presence and his calming touch easing your body into a relaxed state.
Your body feels heavy as you lay there, letting his touch lull you into the waiting arms of sleep.
****
You finally get your wish for a warm bed and a hot meal when Rex sends coordinates for a planet free of the Empire, at least for now. The ship has grown smaller and smaller over the last few days, and you’re in desperate need for some fresh air and dirt under your boots. In desperation you take the chance to stay somewhere for longer than just a refuel and a stock up. Even just one night with a roof over your head in a real bed, free from the drag of hyperspace and the enclosed space of the ship, will be enough.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Mayday asks, his voice crackling through his helmet. The three of you are getting glances as you walk down the path into town. Mostly curious, some hesitant. From what you could tell this planet had been untouched during the war, but with a large spaceport, no doubt they heard stories.
“Rex said it’s safe and I trust him.” You say, adjusting your bag on your shoulder. Your lightsaber is tucked safely inside, hidden just in case. You doubt you’ll need it on this planet, but you could never be too careful.
You find the inn easily, stepping inside. The air is cool and clean, free from the slight metallic tang of recycled air. It’s a small inn, but the prospect of a real bed keeps you from being too suspicious. There’s no hostility prevalent in the Force, just confusion and some uneasiness.
“We’d like a room please.” You say to the weequay behind the counter.
He eyes you and the clones behind you before nodding. “How many?”
You think on it for half a moment, thinking of the two clones behind you. “Two.” You say. One would be safer, but you want to give them their privacy. You want your privacy too, after spending over a week stuck on a ship with them.
Both of the clones behind you shift uneasily, and you can just picture the look they’re sharing.
You pay for the rooms, passing off one of the keys to Crosshair. “Let’s go.”
You’re excited at the prospect of a real shower and a real bed as they follow you down the hall. The rooms are across from each other, the three of you coming to a stop in the hallway. Mayday and Crosshair share a look as you use one of the keys to open the room.
Mayday slips past you before you can enter, doing a sweep of the room before coming back out. “It’s safe.” He says, glancing down at you.
You pass off the spare key to him. “Just in case.”
Mayday takes it, nodding. “Enjoy yourself.”
“I’ll knock around third meal time.” You say. “I figure we’ll go out to eat. Get something warm in our stomachs.”
They nod and you close the door, leaning against it for a moment. It feels odd, being alone. The room almost seems too big without their presence constantly surrounding you. For a moment you wish you had just gotten one room, but at the same time, you know they’ll want their own privacy as well. They’ve been stuck with you too, and no doubt they want a break from your presence as well.
You drop your bag on the bed, pulling off your poncho. You need a shower, a good long shower. You take your comm to the fresher just in case, setting it on the small counter. It’s a small fresher, but it has a real shower with running water. That’s all you can ask for after days of nothing but a sonic. You love your ship, but she’s not exactly ideal for long-term travel.
Another reason to look for somewhere more permanent.
You take a long shower, soaking yourself as long as you can stand, scrubbing every inch of your body until your skin hurts. You need this break, this moment to re-calibrate, to rest, to clear your head. Being in close quarters with your soulmates has been distracting, even if just one of them was seeking that kind of connection with you. Crosshair’s distance has intensified that ache in your chest, but you’ve been shoving it aside, focusing on that blossoming warmth coming from Mayday.
You can still feel his fingers gently massaging your scalp, the warmth of him surrounding you as he held you while you slept. You did actually sleep, managing to slip below that haze of half-awareness you existed in. You still hold him when he sleeps. It seemed to help fight away that anxiety, the dread that settles into him when it comes time for him to rest. That’s something you didn’t think about in this arrangement. He’s not going to be able to sleep alone in that room.
Maybe you should have just gone with one room.
You change into clean clothes after your shower, laying yourself out on the bed. It’s a bit lumpy, but it feels like heaven after the stiff mattresses in the bunks of your ship. You could fall asleep right here like this, splayed out on top of the bed.
You don’t, though, far too aware to drift off to sleep. Instead you simply lay there, eyes closed as you try to focus on the Force. It swirls around you, seeping into your mind, easing your thoughts to a quiet hum. You focus on Mayday and Crosshair, on their beings, the life that exudes from them. There’s a tingling at the base of your skull, a feeling almost like giddiness filling you as you think on them.
They’re your soulmates.
The two beings your soul was meant to find, to have. None of you would be complete without the other. Even Crosshair and Mayday would have a more profound bond than they would with others because of their shared link with you. Perhaps that’s what drove Crosshair to kill their superior officer. Mayday nearly died because the Empire shared the same view as the Republic. The clones were hardly more than tools, useful only as bodies to fill a gap. Even now they were being phased out, disappearing more and more each day.
You saved them from that same treatment. You brought Mayday back from the brink of death, and you saved Crosshair from being another clone that disappeared, or worse. What would they have done to him? The thought has nausea churning in your stomach, nerves prickling under your skin. How easily you could have lost both of them. A few more moments and they would have been gone forever.
You push the thoughts aside, anxiety blooming under your skin. You crack your eyes open, sitting up on the bed. The sky is starting to darken, the chronometer on the bedside table telling you it’s nearly time for third meal. There’s a cantina across the street, a good place to look for hot food. Anything will be better than rations, you think.
You push yourself off the bed, grabbing your bag and throwing on your poncho before leaving the room to get your soulmates.
****
It’s late.
Something moves inside your room, shifting in the dark. You’re awake almost instantly, reaching out in the Force for whatever malice you might feel, whatever agent has made the mistake of creeping into your room in the dead of night. You sit up in bed, flicking on the light, lightsaber hilt in hand. You’re ready for a fight, even with the groginess of sleep still tugging at your mind.
“Mayday?” You ask quietly, brows furrowing as you blink away the sting of the lamp’s light from your eyes.
He’s standing at the end of your bed, looking rather sheepish. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay.” You say, setting your saber hilt back on the bedside table. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I couldn’t sleep.” He says, shifting on his feet. He’s still wearing his armor, helmet in hand.
Of course. You had been right in your assumption he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you. Of course you’ll help him again, but you feel bad about poor Crosshair being left alone. He might prefer it, though, getting a break from you and Mayday.
You try not to let that bother you.
You sit up straighter in bed, resting your back against the headboard. “Come here.”
“I, uh, had something different in mind tonight.” He says, shifting on his feet.
“Okay.” You say softly, watching him.
He hesitates for just a second before he moves to the side of the bed, stripping off his armor piece by piece before climbing under the covers. It takes you by surprise as he shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around you. He’s hesitant, moving slowly, waiting for you to stop him, to say no. You’re curious about what he has in mind, letting him shift your body so you’re laying further on the bed. The length of his body presses against your side, his head coming to rest on your stomach. Your heart is thumping hard in your chest, your body tingling from how close he is. This feels far more intense, far more...intimate.
His arm wraps around your body, hand pressing against your side. “Thought this might be more comfortable for you.”
It is, at least it will be more comfortable than trying to sleep sitting up. You doubt you’ll be able to sleep though, not with your thoughts reeling from having him so close. He feels so warm, like a heated blanket pressed against you. You feel alive, every nerve ending alight where he’s touching you.
You rest a hand on his head, stroking his soft hair. He lets out a sigh, gripping you tighter, his fingers flexing against your side. “I like this.” He murmurs, his breath warm through your thin shirt.
“I do too,” you admit, resting your hand against the side of his head. “It feels nice.”
He hums as you start to ease his thoughts, pulling him into the waiting arms of sleep. His body grows heavy against yours as he relaxes, his breaths slow and even.
You’re far too awake to sleep, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You’ve had him this close before, but it’s never felt quite like this. You can feel another gap being closed, a bridge being built between the two of you in this moment. You drape an arm over him, leaning back against the pillows. He’s so warm and his weight is so comforting, grounding you in the moment. Slowly your eyes begin to droop, growing heavy as sleep waits to take you into her waiting arms.
****
You’re not sure what time it is when you wake. The curtains over the window are blocking out the sun, but there’s a dim light in the room. It’s warm in the bed, a gentle, slow thumping echoing in your ear. You shift your head, cracking your eyes open.
Oh.
You’ve moved in the night, Mayday on his back now against the pillows. You’re laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around you. An excited thrill runs down your spine at the prospect of being held by him, of being wrapped in his arms. He’s awake, you can tell by the gentle brush of his thumb on the back of your arm. Not only did he wake to find you like this, but he’s willingly stayed like this since. Your heart starts to pound hard in your chest, warmth flowing through you.
“Mayday?” You say quietly, shifting just slightly against him.
His thumb stills, his body tensing just in the slightest. “Yes?” His voice is equally as soft.
“How long have we been like this?”
“Since I woke up.” He says softly. “I didn’t want to move and wake you.”
“I don’t mind.” You say quietly. “If you’re uncomfortable…”
“I’m not.” He says quickly, holding you just slightly tighter than he was. “I...I think this is quite nice, actually.”
You hum, listening to the steady thump of his heart beneath your ear. It’s picked up speed just slightly. That fact has a smile tugging at your lips. “I think it’s nice too.” you say. “Comfortable.”
He swallows thickly, his heart picking up speed just a bit more. You tilt your head up, cheek brushing against the rough fabric of his blacks. He’s staring down at you, something unreadable in his gaze. He’s nervous, you can feel that through the Force. His hand flattens against your back, warm through your thin tunic.
“Mayday?” you whisper, gaze locked with his.
“If I wanted to kiss you, would you mind?” He asks.
You shake your head. “I wouldn’t mind.”
You lean forward, your gaze dropping to his lips. His hand raises, cupping your cheek tenderly, pulling you the rest of the way down. Your lips brush his softly, almost hesitantly. Your own heart is thudding hard in your chest, excitement and nerves fluttering under your skin. You haven’t been this close to another person in a long time.
His lips press firmer against yours, his fingers sinking into your hair, holding you in place. You hum against his lips, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before, your very nerves alight with energy. You feel closer to him, closer than you are just physically, like a piece of your soul has been put back into place. A piece you hadn’t known was missing. It leaves you feeling full and warm and so alive.
Mayday shifts, rolling over so you’re on your back in bed, his body hovering over yours. His hand slides from your hair to your cheek, cradling your face as he pulls back. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him down closer to you. You’re breathing the same air, close enough you can feel it fanning your lips.
“I liked that.” You say softly, staring up into those big brown eyes.
“So did I.” He says, his gaze intense.
There’s a moment of silence between the two of you, lost in each others’ eyes. The hole in your chest is slowly closing, something filling that gap in your soul you hadn’t realized was there. It’ll never completely close, not until Crosshair opens himself up to you, but for now you’ll take this lessening of the ache that’s filled you since the day you rescued them.
Mayday leans down again, closing that space between you as he kisses you once more. His body is pressed against yours, heavy weight settled against you. It’s grounding, a firm reminder that he’s really here, that he’s really with you, that this is really real.
A knock on the door has you both pulling away from each other, your face warming. It’s likely Crosshair waiting for the two of you to find somewhere to have first meal. You wonder how long he’s been waiting, how much time he gave you before he grew tired.
Mayday rolls from on top of you, sitting up on the edge of the bed. You do the same on the other side, straightening yourself up a bit before heading for the door. You’re right, it is Crosshair on the other side, his gaze sharp and assessing. Of course he’s assuming. He woke up to find Mayday gone and there would be only one place he’d go. That doesn’t stop the warmth from blossoming across your face as you stare up at him.
“Morning, Crosshair.” You say, clearing your throat. “We’ll be out in a minute.”
He doesn’t say anything, just nods once before you close the door again. You bury your face in your hands, your face burning. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, yet embarrassment at the awkwardness that had just ensued rushes through you. The things he probably thought went on in this room last night.
You take a moment to calm down, sprucing yourself up in the ‘fresher as Mayday dons his armor again. You pack your bag, slipping your saber in the pocket before the two of you step out, Mayday’s hand slipping into yours. You squeeze your fingers around his hand, giving him a smile before the three of you make your way down the hallway.
****
The ship feels even smaller now that this development has grown between you and Mayday. You’re back in space again, jumping from one hyperspace lane to the next, looking for your next safe place to lay low for a few days. You wish you could have stayed on that planet longer, but it wasn’t safe. Not with the Empire rapidly expanding its occupations. Nowhere was truly safe, except perhaps some backwater planets with no spaceports.
Those were always an option.
A last ditch option, but they were still on the list.
“You’re not sleeping again.” Mayday says as the two of you sit side by side eating what you suppose is second meal. You haven’t been sleeping much, that’s true. You’ve been too busy thinking up plans, where to go, what to do if the Empire finds you. You’ve already resigned to the thought that you’d sacrifice yourself for your soulmates. You’d give them a fighting chance to get away, even if it meant your death. It’s not fair, but it’s what you’d do.
You won’t tell them that though. Not unless the time came for it.
You hope it never will.
You shrug your shoulders, brushing up against him. “Just haven’t been able to calm my mind.” You admit it, not wanting to keep too many things from him.
He hums, staring at you. “You worry too much.”
“It’s in my nature.” You say, turning to gaze back at him. “I worry about you and Crosshair, about what might happen should the Empire find us.”
“We’re being careful.” He says, reaching out to brush the back of your hand with his gloved fingers. “Any sight of them and we know what we have to do.” Run for our lives.
“I just wish we could find somewhere permanent.” You say quietly, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Stop having to run and hide. Somewhere we know will be safe.”
He leans his head on top of yours, sighing softly. “That would be nice. But something tells me we won’t be so lucky.”
You hum in agreement, pulling away to eat the rest of your meal. You grab another packet of food, making your way to the front of the ship to give Crosshair some reprieve.
“Here,” you say, holding out the packet to him. “You should get some rest.”
He glances up at you before taking it. “I’m fine.”
You sink into the co-pilot’s seat, turning it so you’re facing him. “You know you don’t have to be so distant.” You fold your legs under you. “I don’t bite...unless you want me to.”
His sharp gaze deepens into a glare at your joke, but you don’t back down. You continue to stare at him softly, trying to break through that razor sharp barrier between the two of you. His hesitation, his fear, his insecurity. You can feel it all in the Force, the inner turmoil he feels every day. It would lessen if he would just let go, if he just gave in. You could help him carry that guilt that brews under the surface. You want to pick at it, break that ice bit by bit until he’s open to you. You won’t, though. You’ll respect that boundary.
“Seriously, though, you should go rest.” You say softly, continuing to stare at him.
“Are you going to sit here until I do?” He asks.
You nod. “Yes.”
He stares at you for a long moment before his shoulders drop just slightly with a sigh. He rises from the pilot’s seat, making his way back into the back of the ship. You watch him go before turning back to the flashing blue of hyperspace with a victorious grin. At least you got him to rest.
****
The next planet you land on is hot. Dry air whips around you as soon as the ramp has lowered, the suns high in the sky.
“I hate this already.” Mayday says, voice crackling through his helmet.
“Let’s just hope they have air conditioning indoors.” You say, squinting in the bright light of the suns as you make your way towards the town. There’s not many out and about, and you can see why. The heat has beads of sweat trailing down your spine. You can only imagine how hot it is under that armor.
You find the nearest inn, and mercifully the air inside is cool. You brush the sweat from your forehead as you approach the front desk, getting hesitant looks again, no doubt thanks to the two clones behind you. They’ve taken off their helmets, likely to seem less threatening.
You get two rooms again, the boys heading off to one while you take the other. It’s a small room, but it’s got a real bed and a real ‘fresher so you can’t complain. It’s becoming routine, showering as soon as you get in before dropping onto the mattress to lay down and relax for a while.
You should think about food, but you can’t quite bring yourself to get up yet, enjoying the feeling of your body sinking into the mattress. It’s so nice after days on your ship, sleeping on hard mats in the bunks. You could get used to this, but that’s a dangerous thought process to have right now. The more you get used to it, the harder it’ll be to leave, the harder it’ll be to want to stay safe.
Safety is your main concern right now, and it needs to stay that way.
You sigh before rising from the bed, tucking your lightsaber into your bag again before exiting the room, knocking on the door across the hall to get the boys for second meal.
****
It’s not even dark yet when the knock sounds at the door. Your brows pull into a frown and you reach out in the Force, the frown falling at the familiar warm signature on the other side. You open the door, peeking out to find Mayday waiting there.
“Mayday?” You ask, opening the door a bit wider.
“He sent me over here.” He says. “Knew I’d be coming anyway.”
You nod slowly, opening the door wider to let him through. He steps into the room, heading for the bed. You close and lock the door behind him, ensuring it’s properly closed before turning back to him, joining him near the bed.
“I worry about him being alone.” You say, moving to the other side of the bed before sinking down onto the mattress.
“I think he prefers it.” Mayday says, starting to remove his armor. “He’s a solitary creature.”
“Still.” You frown, glancing towards the door. “I hate that he’s all by himself.”
“He’s doing it to himself.” Mayday says, sinking down on the other side of the bed. “It would be easier if he just gave in.”
“I know.” You sigh. “He won’t though. Not until he works through whatever it is going on in his head. I wish he’d share, but...he’s so closed off. I just want to help him.”
“He’ll warm up to you eventually.” Mayday says, sounding so sure of himself. “I’m just worried about what it might take to make that happen.”
“He warmed up to you, it sounds like.” You say, glancing at him.
“Yeah, after we almost died. Literally.” His brows furrow, that dark look coming back into his gaze.
You reach out to him, taking his hand, pulling him closer. He sprawls out on the bed, letting you maneuver him so his head is in your lap. “Don’t think about that.” You say, running your fingers over his face. “You’re still alive and breathing.”
“You remind me of that.” He says softly, his fingers brushing your cheek. “Every time I’m close to you I’m reminded of what you did for me.”
You smile softly, your thumb brushing his lips. “I’d do it again, too.”
He pushes himself up to sit, leaning his body over yours. You stare up at him, into those captivating brown eyes. He doesn’t ask this time as he leans down, pressing his lips to yours. You kiss him back, your hand lifting to cup the back of his head, fingers sinking into his hair. His beard tickles you as he kisses you deeply, tilting his head as he pushes you back against the pillows.
His body is warm as it presses into yours, your hands sliding down his neck to his broad shoulders. He continues to kiss you, his tongue pressing against your lips. You open to him, pulling him down closer against your body. His arms wrap around your waist, holding you as he kisses you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Your entire body is alive with energy, electricity flowing through your veins from how close he is to you. You’ve never felt quite so alive, quite so complete as you do right now. The hole in your chest has been filled by Mayday and his proximity, his touch, his kisses. He’s giving you what you’ve been yearning for since the day you saved him.
He pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours as he breathes deeply. You’re breathing heavily as well, breath stolen by his sweet kisses. “I don’t want to stop.” He breathes, breath brushing your face.
“Then don’t.” You say, opening your eyes to stare up at him.
He meets your gaze, something unspoken passing through the two of you. There’s a finality to what you’re about to do. There’s no going back once it’s been done, once that bond has been completely built. You’ll become one, never to be parted again.
You wouldn’t wish for anything else.
Mayday leans back down, pressing his lips to yours again. He shifts slightly as he kisses you deeply, his bare hand slipping under the hem of your thin tunic to press against the skin of your stomach. His hand is so warm, calloused from years of training and handling weapons.
His beard brushes your skin as his lips trail down your jaw, your head tilting back to give him space as he continues that path down to your neck. Your entire body is alive and sensitive to his touch, goosebumps forming on your skin. Your hand tangles in his hair as his hand slides higher, blazing a path up your side until he reaches your breastband. His fingers tease the edge of the fabric, dipping underneath for a moment.
You push on his shoulders, his entire body moving back as you sit up. You tug your tunic over your head, tossing it onto the floor. Goosebumps erupt across your skin as he stares at you, his eyes focused and assessing every inch of skin revealed to him, every mark and scar visible in the low lamp light. His hand lifts, fingers brushing a nasty looking mark on the side of your shoulder.
“Ventress.” You explain.
“You fought her?” He asks, eyes darting up to you as his fingers continue to brush the raised skin.
“We had run-ins a couple times.” You say, shrugging. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.” His brow furrows as he stares at the mark, at what it means, what it could have meant. “Could have been worse.” You say, turning his face back to yours. “We all have our scars.”
He hums low in his chest, his hand sliding down your arm.
You let out a breath for a moment before lifting your hands to your breastband, pulling it up over your head. Your nipples pebble in the cool air of the room, your body suddenly very exposed to him. It feels strange, being so naked in front of someone after so long, but at the same time, it feels right that it’s him.
He stares at you hard, his gaze locked onto your bare breasts.
“You ever seen a pair of breasts before?” You ask, staring at him.
“Only in holofilms.” He says, still staring at your breasts. You raise a brow, his eyes darting to yours as he shrugs. “It was a long year on Barton IV.”
You chuckle, taking his hands in yours before lifting them to your breasts. “You can touch me, you know.”
His hands cup around your breasts, holding them like they’re precious gems. His gaze is still locked onto them, as if he’s trying to commit them to memory. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. All he has to do is ask now that this barrier has been knocked down. You certainly won’t say no. You like the way his hands hold you, the warmth of them, the way his calloused skin drags along your own soft, sensitive skin.
His thumbs brush your nipples, a quiet gasp leaving your lips. Electricity shoots directly between your legs from the stimulation. Mayday’s eyes dart to yours for a moment before he does it again, drawing another soft gasp from your lips. He leans down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. Your hand tangles in his hair as you arch in pleasure, his tongue circling the sensitive bud. He’s so sure of himself for a man who has likely never touched a woman before. Those must have been some holofilms he was watching.
He pushes you back against the pillows, shifting himself over you. You part your legs, allowing him between them where he comes to rest almost perfectly, like he was made to fit there. Well, in a way he was. You are perfect for each other, after all.
He pulls away from your breast to move to the other, giving it the same attention. Heat is pooling between your legs, your underwear starting to get wet just from his touch, just from having him so close. It feels so vulnerable, being so bare before him, but you wouldn’t trust anyone else, even in the short time you’ve known him.
He pulls away from your breast, tilting his head up to look at you. You run your fingers through his hair, his beard tickling the skin of your stomach as he starts to slide down further between your legs. He pushes himself up onto his knees, tugging the top of his blacks over his head, revealing his chest. You’re unafraid to stare at him, taking in the lean muscle, the soft tanned skin, the marks and scars from battle.
“You’re kriffing beautiful.” You say, unabashedly staring.
“Not as beautiful as you.” He says, leaning forward to kiss you again.
His body presses against yours, skin against skin. You feel alive where he’s touching you, sensitive and perceptive to every inch of him. You can feel him, hard in his blacks where he’s resting between your legs. Your own underwear is soaked already, just at the prospect of finally having him.
“I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.” He murmurs against your lips.
“Who said I wanted you to hold back?” You say, raising a brow at him as you pull away.
He stares down at you for a long moment before he sits himself back up on his knees, his hands falling to the waistband of your pants. They slip beneath the waistband, tugging them down, your hips lifting to give him space. He tosses your pants onto the floor with the rest of your clothes, his fingers hesitating for a moment around the waistband of your underwear. He’s staring at them, and for a moment you wish you could figure out what’s going on in his head.
Finally he slips his fingers under your underwear, pulling them down your legs as well before dropping them onto the floor. He sucks in a breath as he stares at you, bare and revealed before him. His hands part your thighs, pressing them into the mattress as he stares. You don’t mind his staring, despite the faint nervous flutter of your stomach from being so exposed to him. He doesn’t seem to mind either, his hands sliding down to your inner thighs.
“Kriffing beautiful.” He murmurs, sliding himself back before laying between your legs.
“Mayday…” you say, watching him as he leans forward, licking a stripe up your slit. “Oh,” your head falls back, your body relaxing as he repeats the motion.
His mouth closes around you, lips searching, seeking until they find what they’re looking for. His lips wrap around your clit, sucking hard. Your body jolts from the sudden pleasure, finally getting some relief from the ache that’s been steadily building there. Quiet moans leave your lips as he flicks your clit with his tongue, drawing patterns on it before wrapping his lips around it again.
You’re close already, the pleasure building and building. Your legs are shaking around his head, threatening to squeeze closed around it. You don’t want to suffocate him, but from the sound of it, he wouldn’t mind. He’s groaning against your pussy, beard scraping your thighs but you don’t care. You like the rough feeling of it, the drag of it against your sensitive skin.
Your entire body trembles as you come undone, back arching off the bed as he continues to suck your clit between his lips through your orgasm. Sparks erupt behind your eyes, the desire to be closer to him burning through you. It’s not enough. You need more. You need him wholly.
You have to push him away as overstimulation burns through you, his pupils wide as they stare up at you. “I need a break.” You pant, falling limp against the bed again. “Maker, how did you learn to do that?”
“Like I said, I watched a lot of holofilms.” He shrugs.
“I guess you did.” You grin, reaching out for him.
He slots himself between your thighs again, his lower half still closed. You can feel the press of his cock through the thick fabric of his blacks, dragging against your still soaked slit. You wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him, tasting yourself on his tongue. You moan against his lips as he grinds against you, pressing your bodies closer together.
“I need you,” he groans against your lips, nearly begging. He must be feeling the connection just as strongly as you are, that desire to be complete and whole.
“Then take me,” you say, pulling back to look up at him.
Something shines in his eyes as he pauses a moment, just staring at you. You stare back just as intently, feeling the warmth blossoming through him in the Force.
Love.
Your cheeks warm as he leans back onto his knees, sliding his blacks down his legs before kicking them off rather uncoordinated. He nearly topples over the edge of the bed in his haste, catching himself before he thuds to the floor. You can’t help but giggle at him, a grin forming on his face.
“Got me so excited I can hardly contain it.” He says, kneeling himself between your legs again. His cock is hard and standing at attention between his legs, thick and long. Your mouth waters at the sight of it and the prospect of how good it’s going to feel inside of you.
“Well, don’t hurt yourself.” You say, squeezing your thighs around your hips.
“I won’t.” He says softly, running his hands up your thighs. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Your face warms at his words, your hands lowering to his to squeeze them softly. He leans over you, one hand guiding his cock to your pussy. He drags it through your folds, gathering your slick before he presses it against you, slowly easing himself into you.
You moan at the stretch, at the feeling of him finally giving you what you need, what you’ve been desiring for days. That final barrier between you is coming down, the gap in your soul finally closing now that you are complete.
He slowly rocks his hips, easing himself into you. You’re moaning already, relaxing against the bed so he can sink in as deep as possible. It’s been so long, your body so sensitive already to him. He doesn’t stop until his hips are flush with yours, his body leaning down over yours. He sinks onto his elbows above you, pressing your bodies close together. You wrap your arms around his neck, clinging to him.
“Feel so good,” he murmurs, lips brushing your cheek.
“I’ve never felt so complete before,” you breathe, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Neither have I.” He says, shifting his body just slightly. It moves his cock inside of you, your legs tensing around his waist.
“I need you to move.” You say, squeezing around him.
He groans, shifting his hips again. “Yes, ma’am.”
You grin, holding onto him as he begins to move his hips, rocking slowly back and forth. You’re pressed so close together, bodies attempting to sink into each other, to become one being. You would if you could, sink into him until there was nothing left of your own form. You are one, though, one soul, one spirit. Even in the Force you can feel edges of yourself beginning to blend into him. You can feel him more strongly, fingertips alive with energy as you touch him. He’s almost glowing in the Force, vibrant and alive.
He continues to rock against you, thrusting into you harder and harder. You’re not sure how long you’ll last, not with the way he feels inside of you after all this time. That it took you this long is a miracle. Since you met your body has been calling out for him, any touch it can possibly get, with this being the desired result of such touches. Most didn’t wait as long as you did, but it had been necessary, given the situation.
He’s grunting and moaning into your ear, arms wrapped around you. It’s like a symphony of noises in the room, your own moans mixing with his, the slap of skin against skin, the wet squelch of your pussy. Obscene, but you’ve never been more aroused before. You give little thought to the poor people in the rooms around you and just how much they can hear. This is just about you and Mayday right now.
“Feel so good,” he groans, pressing his face into your neck. “I’m so close.”
“Me too,” you breathe, that edge of pleasure getting closer and closer with every press of his hips against you.
He shifts slightly, angling his hips upward. The tip of his cock brushes that spot inside of you, your entire body shuddering at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. Your moans get louder, your body clinging tighter to Mayday.
“Just like that,” you gasp. “Don’t stop!”
He continues to thrust into you at that angle, his hips nearly brutal in their movements. He’s chasing that high as desperately as you are, needing to feel you cum around him. You’re so close, that edge rapidly approaching with every press of his hips.
Your orgasm slams into you, your body writhing against his at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. You squeeze around him, his own hips jerking as you milk his orgasm out of him. He spills into you, his body tensing for just a moment before he goes lax against you, pinning you down against the bed.
The two of you just lay there for a long moment, breathing heavily, still trembling from your orgasms. You could lay like this for the rest of the night, filled by him, whole and together.
“I could stay like this forever.” He murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw.
“Me too,” you say, kissing his shoulder. “I’ve never felt so alive.”
It’s true. Despite the exhaustion, you’ve never felt more complete, more whole, more alive than you do right now. Every inch of your body is aware of Mayday, of his own body, his own existence. One of the gaping holes in your soul has been filled, completed, sealed shut forever. There’s still the other hole, wide and open and unfulfilled, but you’ll get there. It’ll close eventually. You have faith it will.
Slowly Mayday begins to move, lifting himself up off of you. Your body groans as he slips out of you, both from the loss of him and from the soreness no doubt you’ll feel tomorrow. Mayday heads for the ‘fresher, grabbing a damp towel to clean you up, wiping his seed from between your thighs. It’s touching, that he thought to do that. You wouldn’t have cared, tired enough to leave it a problem for tomorrow.
Mayday joins you back in bed, crawling under the covers with you. He pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arm around you. You’re both sweaty but you don’t care, having crossed that bridge of being disgusted by body fluids. You’ve had him inside of you. That feeling is long gone.
“I love you,” he murmurs softly, his presence in the Force alive with warmth and affection.
It brings a smile to your face, your body relaxing into that feeling. “I love you too.”
Your eyes drift closed and for the first time in a while, you drift off into a peaceful sleep.
****
A knock at the door is what wakes you, your head jerking up. Mayday is already awake, wrapped around your body from behind. He rubs his face, sucking in a deep breath. You wipe your own eyes, groggy and feeling like you slept too long. You might have.
It’s Crosshair at the door, Mayday pulling on his blacks before answering. You’ll have to get up, freshen yourself up. A shower would be nice, but you’re not sure Crosshair would be that patient. He’s probably given you more time than he should have.
You pull on your clothes before heading to the ‘fresher to freshen up just a bit. Mayday has his armor on when you leave the ‘fresher, helmet in hand. You grab your bag, double checking your saber is in its pocket before you step out the door, meeting Crosshair in the hallway. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed, a look on his face you’ve never seen before. His presence in the Force is twisted, just as sharp as it usually is.
You try to ignore it as Mayday takes your hand, the three of you making your way out of the inn to find somewhere to have first meal before you leave the planet.
You find an open cantina, sitting down to eat quickly. You want to be off the planet before the day heats up again. You could go your entire life without feeling heat like that again.
The three of you make your way towards the ship after eating, you and Mayday walking hand in hand while Crosshair picks up the rear, something that’s become a normal formation for the three of you.
As you approach the ship, Crosshair starts to slow before he comes to a stop.
You turn to look back at him, brows furrowed. “Crosshair?” You ask softly, his gaze on the ground, brows pulled in a frown. You step closer to him, worry starting to fill you. “What is it?”
He’s staring intently on a spot in the dirt, fingers tensed around his helmet that’s tucked under his arm. “I want to do it.” He says softly, so low you almost don’t hear him.
You take another step closer, head tilted. “Do what?”
“I want to find them.” He lifts his gaze to yours, shoulders set. “My old squad. I want to find them.”
Nothing like reading a chapter 2 before a chapter 1 because you saw the author and went MUST READ ASAP and skip over literally all the important information at the top. 10/10. Loved this. I'm so interested in the dynamic between her and the guys. I can't wait to see where this will go!!!!
Summary: Now that you're together with your soulmates, the three of you traverse the galaxy, looking for safe places to lay low for a while. You deal with budding feelings for your soulmates, one of them willing to close that gap between you while the other keeps his distance.
Pairing: Crosshair x reader x Mayday Soulmate AU
Word Count: 8,580 words
Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, p in v sex, oral sex, soft sex, language, kissing, slight angst, NO CLONECEST, soulmate AU, lots of feelings
A/N: Well, what was supposed to be a two part fic has turned into at least three 😂 the way this could easily be a ten part fic...anyway, mainly focused on Mayday in this one, but I promise the next will be focused on Crosshair and his stubborn ass. Hope you enjoy!
Part 1 | MASTERLIST
The days after your exodus from the planet go by smoothly, as smoothly as they can, at least. It’s an adjustment, living on a ship again. This time, though, it’s not just you. You’ve got two more bodies to account for now, two very different bodies.
The first few days require some tiptoeing, trying to figure out some kind of rhythm, some kind of flow around each other. The ship isn’t huge, meant for maybe three or four maximum. Despite that it seems even smaller with your two soulmates with you. Personal space is out of the question, except in the ‘fresher. It normally wouldn’t be a problem, except there’s nowhere for you to truly decompress, to try and process your roiling emotions. You’ve tried meditating, but ever since the purge you’ve struggled to truly clear your mind. It required a vulnerability you haven’t felt safe enough to reach.
Even with your soulmates around, you still can’t clear your head enough to truly lean into the Force. If anything, they seem to be making it worse. It’s harder to focus with that pulling in your chest, the desire deep in your bones to be near them, to touch them, hold them. You’re truly understanding why the Jedi forbade soulmates. One cannot truly live without attachment when you’ve met your soulmate.
You’d do anything to have them close to you, safe where you can see them.
If they’re struggling with it, they’re good at hiding it.
You and Mayday find the flow first after a few days of stepping on toes. You feel closer to him already, that night between the two of you bridging the gap that had been there. He’s the most open with you, willing to be close to you, closer than your forced proximity already makes you be. Often you find yourself easing him to sleep, staying with him as long as you can. You sit in the small bunk, his head resting in your lap, your hand in his resting against his chest. Sometimes you drift off there, slipping into that space between sleep and alertness you seem to hover in indefinitely when you try and sleep.
Even when it is your turn to sleep, you find yourself unable to truly rest. You haven’t slept since your return from rescuing your soulmates, but even then that had been brought on by depleting your energy, draining some of your lifeforce to bring Mayday back. You gave a piece of yourself to him in that moment, something he’ll never completely be able to understand. Not that you’ll tell him. He already feels indebted enough to you for saving his life.
You would never have held it against him, even if he hadn’t been your soulmate.
“It’s your turn.” A voice says behind you, and you turn to glance at Crosshair.
“I can stay awake longer,” you say, brows furrowing. “If you want to rest more.”
“I’m fine.” He says stiffly, waiting behind you for you to move from the pilot’s seat.
The three of you have found a rhythm of taking turns keeping watch. There’s nothing much to watch, aside from hyperspace and the occasional trip to a different lane. Every so often you can feel madness pulling at your mind if you stare for too long at the swirling blue outside the transparisteel. Still, the three of you cycle through rotations, ready in case something does happen, like the Empire waiting for you as you drop out of hyperspace.
“If you’re sure.” You say, staring up at him.
He doesn’t say anything, but you can see it in his eyes. He’s not going to argue with you. It’s his turn and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Crosshair...he’s...difficult. He’s distanced himself from you and Mayday, even in close quarters. He sticks to himself in the pilot’s seat, and goes straight to his bunk as soon as his turn is over. He rarely speaks, aside from the occasional remark when he has to give one. You can’t help but wonder if he’s always been like this, so stiff and unfriendly. Most clones you met had a disposition to be friendly once you got to know them, once you sunk below the dedication to their duty they wore with their armor.
Crosshair, though. He’s something else.
“Nothing happened while you were resting.” You say as you stand, letting him take your place. “We should move to another lane soon, while we wait to hear from Rex.”
“I’ve got it.” He says, glancing at you over his shoulder before settling into the seat.
“Right,” you say, taking a couple steps back before turning around, making your way to where Mayday sits on the floor.
“Don’t let him get to you.” Mayday says softly, handing you a ration pack as you sit next to him.
“I’m not.” You say, peeling it open. Living off rations hasn’t been ideal, but then again, nothing about your situation is ideal. What you wouldn’t give for a warm meal and a real bed.
Mayday gives you a sideways glance before looking back at his ration pack. “This orxtle stew isn’t bad, once you get used to it.”
You chuckle, taking a bite. “It’s really not. What I wouldn’t give for real food, though.” You lean your head back against the wall. “I’ll find us somewhere we can settle down for a short while soon. A real bed, a good shower. You never know how lucky you are until it’s gone.”
Mayday smiles softly. Of course, most of his life had been lived in a sterile, militaristic environment. The Republic didn’t care about the comfort of the clones and what was even more upsetting was that they were used to it. You can’t help but wonder if Mayday has ever slept in a real bed before. Surely on shore leave he must have found somewhere to stay with a good, soft bed.
The idea that he might not have has a lump forming in your throat.
They deserved so much better.
They still do.
“Come on,” Mayday says, offering you a hand once you’re both done eating.
You frown in confusion, but take his hand anyway. “What are you doing?”
“You’re going to get some rest.” he says, pulling you across the ship to the bunks. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not getting much rest.”
“Mayday,” you say softly as he climbs onto the bunk, sitting on the end like you do when you help him sleep. He puts the pillow in his lap, giving some cushion to his armor. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to help you sleep.” He says, patting the bed.
“I didn’t know you were versed in Jedi mind tricks.” you say, climbing up onto the bed anyway.
“I wouldn’t say that I am.” He says as you lay down, resting your head in his lap. The pillow is thin, but you’re grateful for it. “But anything I can do to try and help.”
You’re not sure it will help. It probably won’t, but the idea is touching.
He takes your hand, lacing your fingers with his before resting them against your chest. “Close your eyes.” He says softly, his other hand lifting to rub your temples.
You let out a long breath, relaxing into his lap. You can feel him, the warmth of his being in the Force. Even Crosshair seems softer when he’s not paying attention. You let out a hum as Mayday starts to massage your scalp, almost as if he can ease the tension from your mind. Your eyes slip closed, Mayday’s presence and his calming touch easing your body into a relaxed state.
Your body feels heavy as you lay there, letting his touch lull you into the waiting arms of sleep.
****
You finally get your wish for a warm bed and a hot meal when Rex sends coordinates for a planet free of the Empire, at least for now. The ship has grown smaller and smaller over the last few days, and you’re in desperate need for some fresh air and dirt under your boots. In desperation you take the chance to stay somewhere for longer than just a refuel and a stock up. Even just one night with a roof over your head in a real bed, free from the drag of hyperspace and the enclosed space of the ship, will be enough.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Mayday asks, his voice crackling through his helmet. The three of you are getting glances as you walk down the path into town. Mostly curious, some hesitant. From what you could tell this planet had been untouched during the war, but with a large spaceport, no doubt they heard stories.
“Rex said it’s safe and I trust him.” You say, adjusting your bag on your shoulder. Your lightsaber is tucked safely inside, hidden just in case. You doubt you’ll need it on this planet, but you could never be too careful.
You find the inn easily, stepping inside. The air is cool and clean, free from the slight metallic tang of recycled air. It’s a small inn, but the prospect of a real bed keeps you from being too suspicious. There’s no hostility prevalent in the Force, just confusion and some uneasiness.
“We’d like a room please.” You say to the weequay behind the counter.
He eyes you and the clones behind you before nodding. “How many?”
You think on it for half a moment, thinking of the two clones behind you. “Two.” You say. One would be safer, but you want to give them their privacy. You want your privacy too, after spending over a week stuck on a ship with them.
Both of the clones behind you shift uneasily, and you can just picture the look they’re sharing.
You pay for the rooms, passing off one of the keys to Crosshair. “Let’s go.”
You’re excited at the prospect of a real shower and a real bed as they follow you down the hall. The rooms are across from each other, the three of you coming to a stop in the hallway. Mayday and Crosshair share a look as you use one of the keys to open the room.
Mayday slips past you before you can enter, doing a sweep of the room before coming back out. “It’s safe.” He says, glancing down at you.
You pass off the spare key to him. “Just in case.”
Mayday takes it, nodding. “Enjoy yourself.”
“I’ll knock around third meal time.” You say. “I figure we’ll go out to eat. Get something warm in our stomachs.”
They nod and you close the door, leaning against it for a moment. It feels odd, being alone. The room almost seems too big without their presence constantly surrounding you. For a moment you wish you had just gotten one room, but at the same time, you know they’ll want their own privacy as well. They’ve been stuck with you too, and no doubt they want a break from your presence as well.
You drop your bag on the bed, pulling off your poncho. You need a shower, a good long shower. You take your comm to the fresher just in case, setting it on the small counter. It’s a small fresher, but it has a real shower with running water. That’s all you can ask for after days of nothing but a sonic. You love your ship, but she’s not exactly ideal for long-term travel.
Another reason to look for somewhere more permanent.
You take a long shower, soaking yourself as long as you can stand, scrubbing every inch of your body until your skin hurts. You need this break, this moment to re-calibrate, to rest, to clear your head. Being in close quarters with your soulmates has been distracting, even if just one of them was seeking that kind of connection with you. Crosshair’s distance has intensified that ache in your chest, but you’ve been shoving it aside, focusing on that blossoming warmth coming from Mayday.
You can still feel his fingers gently massaging your scalp, the warmth of him surrounding you as he held you while you slept. You did actually sleep, managing to slip below that haze of half-awareness you existed in. You still hold him when he sleeps. It seemed to help fight away that anxiety, the dread that settles into him when it comes time for him to rest. That’s something you didn’t think about in this arrangement. He’s not going to be able to sleep alone in that room.
Maybe you should have just gone with one room.
You change into clean clothes after your shower, laying yourself out on the bed. It’s a bit lumpy, but it feels like heaven after the stiff mattresses in the bunks of your ship. You could fall asleep right here like this, splayed out on top of the bed.
You don’t, though, far too aware to drift off to sleep. Instead you simply lay there, eyes closed as you try to focus on the Force. It swirls around you, seeping into your mind, easing your thoughts to a quiet hum. You focus on Mayday and Crosshair, on their beings, the life that exudes from them. There’s a tingling at the base of your skull, a feeling almost like giddiness filling you as you think on them.
They’re your soulmates.
The two beings your soul was meant to find, to have. None of you would be complete without the other. Even Crosshair and Mayday would have a more profound bond than they would with others because of their shared link with you. Perhaps that’s what drove Crosshair to kill their superior officer. Mayday nearly died because the Empire shared the same view as the Republic. The clones were hardly more than tools, useful only as bodies to fill a gap. Even now they were being phased out, disappearing more and more each day.
You saved them from that same treatment. You brought Mayday back from the brink of death, and you saved Crosshair from being another clone that disappeared, or worse. What would they have done to him? The thought has nausea churning in your stomach, nerves prickling under your skin. How easily you could have lost both of them. A few more moments and they would have been gone forever.
You push the thoughts aside, anxiety blooming under your skin. You crack your eyes open, sitting up on the bed. The sky is starting to darken, the chronometer on the bedside table telling you it’s nearly time for third meal. There’s a cantina across the street, a good place to look for hot food. Anything will be better than rations, you think.
You push yourself off the bed, grabbing your bag and throwing on your poncho before leaving the room to get your soulmates.
****
It’s late.
Something moves inside your room, shifting in the dark. You’re awake almost instantly, reaching out in the Force for whatever malice you might feel, whatever agent has made the mistake of creeping into your room in the dead of night. You sit up in bed, flicking on the light, lightsaber hilt in hand. You’re ready for a fight, even with the groginess of sleep still tugging at your mind.
“Mayday?” You ask quietly, brows furrowing as you blink away the sting of the lamp’s light from your eyes.
He’s standing at the end of your bed, looking rather sheepish. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay.” You say, setting your saber hilt back on the bedside table. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I couldn’t sleep.” He says, shifting on his feet. He’s still wearing his armor, helmet in hand.
Of course. You had been right in your assumption he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you. Of course you’ll help him again, but you feel bad about poor Crosshair being left alone. He might prefer it, though, getting a break from you and Mayday.
You try not to let that bother you.
You sit up straighter in bed, resting your back against the headboard. “Come here.”
“I, uh, had something different in mind tonight.” He says, shifting on his feet.
“Okay.” You say softly, watching him.
He hesitates for just a second before he moves to the side of the bed, stripping off his armor piece by piece before climbing under the covers. It takes you by surprise as he shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around you. He’s hesitant, moving slowly, waiting for you to stop him, to say no. You’re curious about what he has in mind, letting him shift your body so you’re laying further on the bed. The length of his body presses against your side, his head coming to rest on your stomach. Your heart is thumping hard in your chest, your body tingling from how close he is. This feels far more intense, far more...intimate.
His arm wraps around your body, hand pressing against your side. “Thought this might be more comfortable for you.”
It is, at least it will be more comfortable than trying to sleep sitting up. You doubt you’ll be able to sleep though, not with your thoughts reeling from having him so close. He feels so warm, like a heated blanket pressed against you. You feel alive, every nerve ending alight where he’s touching you.
You rest a hand on his head, stroking his soft hair. He lets out a sigh, gripping you tighter, his fingers flexing against your side. “I like this.” He murmurs, his breath warm through your thin shirt.
“I do too,” you admit, resting your hand against the side of his head. “It feels nice.”
He hums as you start to ease his thoughts, pulling him into the waiting arms of sleep. His body grows heavy against yours as he relaxes, his breaths slow and even.
You’re far too awake to sleep, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You’ve had him this close before, but it’s never felt quite like this. You can feel another gap being closed, a bridge being built between the two of you in this moment. You drape an arm over him, leaning back against the pillows. He’s so warm and his weight is so comforting, grounding you in the moment. Slowly your eyes begin to droop, growing heavy as sleep waits to take you into her waiting arms.
****
You’re not sure what time it is when you wake. The curtains over the window are blocking out the sun, but there’s a dim light in the room. It’s warm in the bed, a gentle, slow thumping echoing in your ear. You shift your head, cracking your eyes open.
Oh.
You’ve moved in the night, Mayday on his back now against the pillows. You’re laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around you. An excited thrill runs down your spine at the prospect of being held by him, of being wrapped in his arms. He’s awake, you can tell by the gentle brush of his thumb on the back of your arm. Not only did he wake to find you like this, but he’s willingly stayed like this since. Your heart starts to pound hard in your chest, warmth flowing through you.
“Mayday?” You say quietly, shifting just slightly against him.
His thumb stills, his body tensing just in the slightest. “Yes?” His voice is equally as soft.
“How long have we been like this?”
“Since I woke up.” He says softly. “I didn’t want to move and wake you.”
“I don’t mind.” You say quietly. “If you’re uncomfortable…”
“I’m not.” He says quickly, holding you just slightly tighter than he was. “I...I think this is quite nice, actually.”
You hum, listening to the steady thump of his heart beneath your ear. It’s picked up speed just slightly. That fact has a smile tugging at your lips. “I think it’s nice too.” you say. “Comfortable.”
He swallows thickly, his heart picking up speed just a bit more. You tilt your head up, cheek brushing against the rough fabric of his blacks. He’s staring down at you, something unreadable in his gaze. He’s nervous, you can feel that through the Force. His hand flattens against your back, warm through your thin tunic.
“Mayday?” you whisper, gaze locked with his.
“If I wanted to kiss you, would you mind?” He asks.
You shake your head. “I wouldn’t mind.”
You lean forward, your gaze dropping to his lips. His hand raises, cupping your cheek tenderly, pulling you the rest of the way down. Your lips brush his softly, almost hesitantly. Your own heart is thudding hard in your chest, excitement and nerves fluttering under your skin. You haven’t been this close to another person in a long time.
His lips press firmer against yours, his fingers sinking into your hair, holding you in place. You hum against his lips, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before, your very nerves alight with energy. You feel closer to him, closer than you are just physically, like a piece of your soul has been put back into place. A piece you hadn’t known was missing. It leaves you feeling full and warm and so alive.
Mayday shifts, rolling over so you’re on your back in bed, his body hovering over yours. His hand slides from your hair to your cheek, cradling your face as he pulls back. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him down closer to you. You’re breathing the same air, close enough you can feel it fanning your lips.
“I liked that.” You say softly, staring up into those big brown eyes.
“So did I.” He says, his gaze intense.
There’s a moment of silence between the two of you, lost in each others’ eyes. The hole in your chest is slowly closing, something filling that gap in your soul you hadn’t realized was there. It’ll never completely close, not until Crosshair opens himself up to you, but for now you’ll take this lessening of the ache that’s filled you since the day you rescued them.
Mayday leans down again, closing that space between you as he kisses you once more. His body is pressed against yours, heavy weight settled against you. It’s grounding, a firm reminder that he’s really here, that he’s really with you, that this is really real.
A knock on the door has you both pulling away from each other, your face warming. It’s likely Crosshair waiting for the two of you to find somewhere to have first meal. You wonder how long he’s been waiting, how much time he gave you before he grew tired.
Mayday rolls from on top of you, sitting up on the edge of the bed. You do the same on the other side, straightening yourself up a bit before heading for the door. You’re right, it is Crosshair on the other side, his gaze sharp and assessing. Of course he’s assuming. He woke up to find Mayday gone and there would be only one place he’d go. That doesn’t stop the warmth from blossoming across your face as you stare up at him.
“Morning, Crosshair.” You say, clearing your throat. “We’ll be out in a minute.”
He doesn’t say anything, just nods once before you close the door again. You bury your face in your hands, your face burning. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, yet embarrassment at the awkwardness that had just ensued rushes through you. The things he probably thought went on in this room last night.
You take a moment to calm down, sprucing yourself up in the ‘fresher as Mayday dons his armor again. You pack your bag, slipping your saber in the pocket before the two of you step out, Mayday’s hand slipping into yours. You squeeze your fingers around his hand, giving him a smile before the three of you make your way down the hallway.
****
The ship feels even smaller now that this development has grown between you and Mayday. You’re back in space again, jumping from one hyperspace lane to the next, looking for your next safe place to lay low for a few days. You wish you could have stayed on that planet longer, but it wasn’t safe. Not with the Empire rapidly expanding its occupations. Nowhere was truly safe, except perhaps some backwater planets with no spaceports.
Those were always an option.
A last ditch option, but they were still on the list.
“You’re not sleeping again.” Mayday says as the two of you sit side by side eating what you suppose is second meal. You haven’t been sleeping much, that’s true. You’ve been too busy thinking up plans, where to go, what to do if the Empire finds you. You’ve already resigned to the thought that you’d sacrifice yourself for your soulmates. You’d give them a fighting chance to get away, even if it meant your death. It’s not fair, but it’s what you’d do.
You won’t tell them that though. Not unless the time came for it.
You hope it never will.
You shrug your shoulders, brushing up against him. “Just haven’t been able to calm my mind.” You admit it, not wanting to keep too many things from him.
He hums, staring at you. “You worry too much.”
“It’s in my nature.” You say, turning to gaze back at him. “I worry about you and Crosshair, about what might happen should the Empire find us.”
“We’re being careful.” He says, reaching out to brush the back of your hand with his gloved fingers. “Any sight of them and we know what we have to do.” Run for our lives.
“I just wish we could find somewhere permanent.” You say quietly, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Stop having to run and hide. Somewhere we know will be safe.”
He leans his head on top of yours, sighing softly. “That would be nice. But something tells me we won’t be so lucky.”
You hum in agreement, pulling away to eat the rest of your meal. You grab another packet of food, making your way to the front of the ship to give Crosshair some reprieve.
“Here,” you say, holding out the packet to him. “You should get some rest.”
He glances up at you before taking it. “I’m fine.”
You sink into the co-pilot’s seat, turning it so you’re facing him. “You know you don’t have to be so distant.” You fold your legs under you. “I don’t bite...unless you want me to.”
His sharp gaze deepens into a glare at your joke, but you don’t back down. You continue to stare at him softly, trying to break through that razor sharp barrier between the two of you. His hesitation, his fear, his insecurity. You can feel it all in the Force, the inner turmoil he feels every day. It would lessen if he would just let go, if he just gave in. You could help him carry that guilt that brews under the surface. You want to pick at it, break that ice bit by bit until he’s open to you. You won’t, though. You’ll respect that boundary.
“Seriously, though, you should go rest.” You say softly, continuing to stare at him.
“Are you going to sit here until I do?” He asks.
You nod. “Yes.”
He stares at you for a long moment before his shoulders drop just slightly with a sigh. He rises from the pilot’s seat, making his way back into the back of the ship. You watch him go before turning back to the flashing blue of hyperspace with a victorious grin. At least you got him to rest.
****
The next planet you land on is hot. Dry air whips around you as soon as the ramp has lowered, the suns high in the sky.
“I hate this already.” Mayday says, voice crackling through his helmet.
“Let’s just hope they have air conditioning indoors.” You say, squinting in the bright light of the suns as you make your way towards the town. There’s not many out and about, and you can see why. The heat has beads of sweat trailing down your spine. You can only imagine how hot it is under that armor.
You find the nearest inn, and mercifully the air inside is cool. You brush the sweat from your forehead as you approach the front desk, getting hesitant looks again, no doubt thanks to the two clones behind you. They’ve taken off their helmets, likely to seem less threatening.
You get two rooms again, the boys heading off to one while you take the other. It’s a small room, but it’s got a real bed and a real ‘fresher so you can’t complain. It’s becoming routine, showering as soon as you get in before dropping onto the mattress to lay down and relax for a while.
You should think about food, but you can’t quite bring yourself to get up yet, enjoying the feeling of your body sinking into the mattress. It’s so nice after days on your ship, sleeping on hard mats in the bunks. You could get used to this, but that’s a dangerous thought process to have right now. The more you get used to it, the harder it’ll be to leave, the harder it’ll be to want to stay safe.
Safety is your main concern right now, and it needs to stay that way.
You sigh before rising from the bed, tucking your lightsaber into your bag again before exiting the room, knocking on the door across the hall to get the boys for second meal.
****
It’s not even dark yet when the knock sounds at the door. Your brows pull into a frown and you reach out in the Force, the frown falling at the familiar warm signature on the other side. You open the door, peeking out to find Mayday waiting there.
“Mayday?” You ask, opening the door a bit wider.
“He sent me over here.” He says. “Knew I’d be coming anyway.”
You nod slowly, opening the door wider to let him through. He steps into the room, heading for the bed. You close and lock the door behind him, ensuring it’s properly closed before turning back to him, joining him near the bed.
“I worry about him being alone.” You say, moving to the other side of the bed before sinking down onto the mattress.
“I think he prefers it.” Mayday says, starting to remove his armor. “He’s a solitary creature.”
“Still.” You frown, glancing towards the door. “I hate that he’s all by himself.”
“He’s doing it to himself.” Mayday says, sinking down on the other side of the bed. “It would be easier if he just gave in.”
“I know.” You sigh. “He won’t though. Not until he works through whatever it is going on in his head. I wish he’d share, but...he’s so closed off. I just want to help him.”
“He’ll warm up to you eventually.” Mayday says, sounding so sure of himself. “I’m just worried about what it might take to make that happen.”
“He warmed up to you, it sounds like.” You say, glancing at him.
“Yeah, after we almost died. Literally.” His brows furrow, that dark look coming back into his gaze.
You reach out to him, taking his hand, pulling him closer. He sprawls out on the bed, letting you maneuver him so his head is in your lap. “Don’t think about that.” You say, running your fingers over his face. “You’re still alive and breathing.”
“You remind me of that.” He says softly, his fingers brushing your cheek. “Every time I’m close to you I’m reminded of what you did for me.”
You smile softly, your thumb brushing his lips. “I’d do it again, too.”
He pushes himself up to sit, leaning his body over yours. You stare up at him, into those captivating brown eyes. He doesn’t ask this time as he leans down, pressing his lips to yours. You kiss him back, your hand lifting to cup the back of his head, fingers sinking into his hair. His beard tickles you as he kisses you deeply, tilting his head as he pushes you back against the pillows.
His body is warm as it presses into yours, your hands sliding down his neck to his broad shoulders. He continues to kiss you, his tongue pressing against your lips. You open to him, pulling him down closer against your body. His arms wrap around your waist, holding you as he kisses you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Your entire body is alive with energy, electricity flowing through your veins from how close he is to you. You’ve never felt quite so alive, quite so complete as you do right now. The hole in your chest has been filled by Mayday and his proximity, his touch, his kisses. He’s giving you what you’ve been yearning for since the day you saved him.
He pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours as he breathes deeply. You’re breathing heavily as well, breath stolen by his sweet kisses. “I don’t want to stop.” He breathes, breath brushing your face.
“Then don’t.” You say, opening your eyes to stare up at him.
He meets your gaze, something unspoken passing through the two of you. There’s a finality to what you’re about to do. There’s no going back once it’s been done, once that bond has been completely built. You’ll become one, never to be parted again.
You wouldn’t wish for anything else.
Mayday leans back down, pressing his lips to yours again. He shifts slightly as he kisses you deeply, his bare hand slipping under the hem of your thin tunic to press against the skin of your stomach. His hand is so warm, calloused from years of training and handling weapons.
His beard brushes your skin as his lips trail down your jaw, your head tilting back to give him space as he continues that path down to your neck. Your entire body is alive and sensitive to his touch, goosebumps forming on your skin. Your hand tangles in his hair as his hand slides higher, blazing a path up your side until he reaches your breastband. His fingers tease the edge of the fabric, dipping underneath for a moment.
You push on his shoulders, his entire body moving back as you sit up. You tug your tunic over your head, tossing it onto the floor. Goosebumps erupt across your skin as he stares at you, his eyes focused and assessing every inch of skin revealed to him, every mark and scar visible in the low lamp light. His hand lifts, fingers brushing a nasty looking mark on the side of your shoulder.
“Ventress.” You explain.
“You fought her?” He asks, eyes darting up to you as his fingers continue to brush the raised skin.
“We had run-ins a couple times.” You say, shrugging. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.” His brow furrows as he stares at the mark, at what it means, what it could have meant. “Could have been worse.” You say, turning his face back to yours. “We all have our scars.”
He hums low in his chest, his hand sliding down your arm.
You let out a breath for a moment before lifting your hands to your breastband, pulling it up over your head. Your nipples pebble in the cool air of the room, your body suddenly very exposed to him. It feels strange, being so naked in front of someone after so long, but at the same time, it feels right that it’s him.
He stares at you hard, his gaze locked onto your bare breasts.
“You ever seen a pair of breasts before?” You ask, staring at him.
“Only in holofilms.” He says, still staring at your breasts. You raise a brow, his eyes darting to yours as he shrugs. “It was a long year on Barton IV.”
You chuckle, taking his hands in yours before lifting them to your breasts. “You can touch me, you know.”
His hands cup around your breasts, holding them like they’re precious gems. His gaze is still locked onto them, as if he’s trying to commit them to memory. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. All he has to do is ask now that this barrier has been knocked down. You certainly won’t say no. You like the way his hands hold you, the warmth of them, the way his calloused skin drags along your own soft, sensitive skin.
His thumbs brush your nipples, a quiet gasp leaving your lips. Electricity shoots directly between your legs from the stimulation. Mayday’s eyes dart to yours for a moment before he does it again, drawing another soft gasp from your lips. He leans down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. Your hand tangles in his hair as you arch in pleasure, his tongue circling the sensitive bud. He’s so sure of himself for a man who has likely never touched a woman before. Those must have been some holofilms he was watching.
He pushes you back against the pillows, shifting himself over you. You part your legs, allowing him between them where he comes to rest almost perfectly, like he was made to fit there. Well, in a way he was. You are perfect for each other, after all.
He pulls away from your breast to move to the other, giving it the same attention. Heat is pooling between your legs, your underwear starting to get wet just from his touch, just from having him so close. It feels so vulnerable, being so bare before him, but you wouldn’t trust anyone else, even in the short time you’ve known him.
He pulls away from your breast, tilting his head up to look at you. You run your fingers through his hair, his beard tickling the skin of your stomach as he starts to slide down further between your legs. He pushes himself up onto his knees, tugging the top of his blacks over his head, revealing his chest. You’re unafraid to stare at him, taking in the lean muscle, the soft tanned skin, the marks and scars from battle.
“You’re kriffing beautiful.” You say, unabashedly staring.
“Not as beautiful as you.” He says, leaning forward to kiss you again.
His body presses against yours, skin against skin. You feel alive where he’s touching you, sensitive and perceptive to every inch of him. You can feel him, hard in his blacks where he’s resting between your legs. Your own underwear is soaked already, just at the prospect of finally having him.
“I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.” He murmurs against your lips.
“Who said I wanted you to hold back?” You say, raising a brow at him as you pull away.
He stares down at you for a long moment before he sits himself back up on his knees, his hands falling to the waistband of your pants. They slip beneath the waistband, tugging them down, your hips lifting to give him space. He tosses your pants onto the floor with the rest of your clothes, his fingers hesitating for a moment around the waistband of your underwear. He’s staring at them, and for a moment you wish you could figure out what’s going on in his head.
Finally he slips his fingers under your underwear, pulling them down your legs as well before dropping them onto the floor. He sucks in a breath as he stares at you, bare and revealed before him. His hands part your thighs, pressing them into the mattress as he stares. You don’t mind his staring, despite the faint nervous flutter of your stomach from being so exposed to him. He doesn’t seem to mind either, his hands sliding down to your inner thighs.
“Kriffing beautiful.” He murmurs, sliding himself back before laying between your legs.
“Mayday…” you say, watching him as he leans forward, licking a stripe up your slit. “Oh,” your head falls back, your body relaxing as he repeats the motion.
His mouth closes around you, lips searching, seeking until they find what they’re looking for. His lips wrap around your clit, sucking hard. Your body jolts from the sudden pleasure, finally getting some relief from the ache that’s been steadily building there. Quiet moans leave your lips as he flicks your clit with his tongue, drawing patterns on it before wrapping his lips around it again.
You’re close already, the pleasure building and building. Your legs are shaking around his head, threatening to squeeze closed around it. You don’t want to suffocate him, but from the sound of it, he wouldn’t mind. He’s groaning against your pussy, beard scraping your thighs but you don’t care. You like the rough feeling of it, the drag of it against your sensitive skin.
Your entire body trembles as you come undone, back arching off the bed as he continues to suck your clit between his lips through your orgasm. Sparks erupt behind your eyes, the desire to be closer to him burning through you. It’s not enough. You need more. You need him wholly.
You have to push him away as overstimulation burns through you, his pupils wide as they stare up at you. “I need a break.” You pant, falling limp against the bed again. “Maker, how did you learn to do that?”
“Like I said, I watched a lot of holofilms.” He shrugs.
“I guess you did.” You grin, reaching out for him.
He slots himself between your thighs again, his lower half still closed. You can feel the press of his cock through the thick fabric of his blacks, dragging against your still soaked slit. You wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him, tasting yourself on his tongue. You moan against his lips as he grinds against you, pressing your bodies closer together.
“I need you,” he groans against your lips, nearly begging. He must be feeling the connection just as strongly as you are, that desire to be complete and whole.
“Then take me,” you say, pulling back to look up at him.
Something shines in his eyes as he pauses a moment, just staring at you. You stare back just as intently, feeling the warmth blossoming through him in the Force.
Love.
Your cheeks warm as he leans back onto his knees, sliding his blacks down his legs before kicking them off rather uncoordinated. He nearly topples over the edge of the bed in his haste, catching himself before he thuds to the floor. You can’t help but giggle at him, a grin forming on his face.
“Got me so excited I can hardly contain it.” He says, kneeling himself between your legs again. His cock is hard and standing at attention between his legs, thick and long. Your mouth waters at the sight of it and the prospect of how good it’s going to feel inside of you.
“Well, don’t hurt yourself.” You say, squeezing your thighs around your hips.
“I won’t.” He says softly, running his hands up your thighs. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Your face warms at his words, your hands lowering to his to squeeze them softly. He leans over you, one hand guiding his cock to your pussy. He drags it through your folds, gathering your slick before he presses it against you, slowly easing himself into you.
You moan at the stretch, at the feeling of him finally giving you what you need, what you’ve been desiring for days. That final barrier between you is coming down, the gap in your soul finally closing now that you are complete.
He slowly rocks his hips, easing himself into you. You’re moaning already, relaxing against the bed so he can sink in as deep as possible. It’s been so long, your body so sensitive already to him. He doesn’t stop until his hips are flush with yours, his body leaning down over yours. He sinks onto his elbows above you, pressing your bodies close together. You wrap your arms around his neck, clinging to him.
“Feel so good,” he murmurs, lips brushing your cheek.
“I’ve never felt so complete before,” you breathe, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Neither have I.” He says, shifting his body just slightly. It moves his cock inside of you, your legs tensing around his waist.
“I need you to move.” You say, squeezing around him.
He groans, shifting his hips again. “Yes, ma’am.”
You grin, holding onto him as he begins to move his hips, rocking slowly back and forth. You’re pressed so close together, bodies attempting to sink into each other, to become one being. You would if you could, sink into him until there was nothing left of your own form. You are one, though, one soul, one spirit. Even in the Force you can feel edges of yourself beginning to blend into him. You can feel him more strongly, fingertips alive with energy as you touch him. He’s almost glowing in the Force, vibrant and alive.
He continues to rock against you, thrusting into you harder and harder. You’re not sure how long you’ll last, not with the way he feels inside of you after all this time. That it took you this long is a miracle. Since you met your body has been calling out for him, any touch it can possibly get, with this being the desired result of such touches. Most didn’t wait as long as you did, but it had been necessary, given the situation.
He’s grunting and moaning into your ear, arms wrapped around you. It’s like a symphony of noises in the room, your own moans mixing with his, the slap of skin against skin, the wet squelch of your pussy. Obscene, but you’ve never been more aroused before. You give little thought to the poor people in the rooms around you and just how much they can hear. This is just about you and Mayday right now.
“Feel so good,” he groans, pressing his face into your neck. “I’m so close.”
“Me too,” you breathe, that edge of pleasure getting closer and closer with every press of his hips against you.
He shifts slightly, angling his hips upward. The tip of his cock brushes that spot inside of you, your entire body shuddering at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. Your moans get louder, your body clinging tighter to Mayday.
“Just like that,” you gasp. “Don’t stop!”
He continues to thrust into you at that angle, his hips nearly brutal in their movements. He’s chasing that high as desperately as you are, needing to feel you cum around him. You’re so close, that edge rapidly approaching with every press of his hips.
Your orgasm slams into you, your body writhing against his at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. You squeeze around him, his own hips jerking as you milk his orgasm out of him. He spills into you, his body tensing for just a moment before he goes lax against you, pinning you down against the bed.
The two of you just lay there for a long moment, breathing heavily, still trembling from your orgasms. You could lay like this for the rest of the night, filled by him, whole and together.
“I could stay like this forever.” He murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw.
“Me too,” you say, kissing his shoulder. “I’ve never felt so alive.”
It’s true. Despite the exhaustion, you’ve never felt more complete, more whole, more alive than you do right now. Every inch of your body is aware of Mayday, of his own body, his own existence. One of the gaping holes in your soul has been filled, completed, sealed shut forever. There’s still the other hole, wide and open and unfulfilled, but you’ll get there. It’ll close eventually. You have faith it will.
Slowly Mayday begins to move, lifting himself up off of you. Your body groans as he slips out of you, both from the loss of him and from the soreness no doubt you’ll feel tomorrow. Mayday heads for the ‘fresher, grabbing a damp towel to clean you up, wiping his seed from between your thighs. It’s touching, that he thought to do that. You wouldn’t have cared, tired enough to leave it a problem for tomorrow.
Mayday joins you back in bed, crawling under the covers with you. He pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arm around you. You’re both sweaty but you don’t care, having crossed that bridge of being disgusted by body fluids. You’ve had him inside of you. That feeling is long gone.
“I love you,” he murmurs softly, his presence in the Force alive with warmth and affection.
It brings a smile to your face, your body relaxing into that feeling. “I love you too.”
Your eyes drift closed and for the first time in a while, you drift off into a peaceful sleep.
****
A knock at the door is what wakes you, your head jerking up. Mayday is already awake, wrapped around your body from behind. He rubs his face, sucking in a deep breath. You wipe your own eyes, groggy and feeling like you slept too long. You might have.
It’s Crosshair at the door, Mayday pulling on his blacks before answering. You’ll have to get up, freshen yourself up. A shower would be nice, but you’re not sure Crosshair would be that patient. He’s probably given you more time than he should have.
You pull on your clothes before heading to the ‘fresher to freshen up just a bit. Mayday has his armor on when you leave the ‘fresher, helmet in hand. You grab your bag, double checking your saber is in its pocket before you step out the door, meeting Crosshair in the hallway. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed, a look on his face you’ve never seen before. His presence in the Force is twisted, just as sharp as it usually is.
You try to ignore it as Mayday takes your hand, the three of you making your way out of the inn to find somewhere to have first meal before you leave the planet.
You find an open cantina, sitting down to eat quickly. You want to be off the planet before the day heats up again. You could go your entire life without feeling heat like that again.
The three of you make your way towards the ship after eating, you and Mayday walking hand in hand while Crosshair picks up the rear, something that’s become a normal formation for the three of you.
As you approach the ship, Crosshair starts to slow before he comes to a stop.
You turn to look back at him, brows furrowed. “Crosshair?” You ask softly, his gaze on the ground, brows pulled in a frown. You step closer to him, worry starting to fill you. “What is it?”
He’s staring intently on a spot in the dirt, fingers tensed around his helmet that’s tucked under his arm. “I want to do it.” He says softly, so low you almost don’t hear him.
You take another step closer, head tilted. “Do what?”
“I want to find them.” He lifts his gaze to yours, shoulders set. “My old squad. I want to find them.”
Summary: Now that you're together with your soulmates, the three of you traverse the galaxy, looking for safe places to lay low for a while. You deal with budding feelings for your soulmates, one of them willing to close that gap between you while the other keeps his distance.
Pairing: Crosshair x reader x Mayday Soulmate AU
Word Count: 8,580 words
Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, p in v sex, oral sex, soft sex, language, kissing, slight angst, NO CLONECEST, soulmate AU, lots of feelings
A/N: Well, what was supposed to be a two part fic has turned into at least three 😂 the way this could easily be a ten part fic...anyway, mainly focused on Mayday in this one, but I promise the next will be focused on Crosshair and his stubborn ass. Hope you enjoy!
Part 1 | MASTERLIST
The days after your exodus from the planet go by smoothly, as smoothly as they can, at least. It’s an adjustment, living on a ship again. This time, though, it’s not just you. You’ve got two more bodies to account for now, two very different bodies.
The first few days require some tiptoeing, trying to figure out some kind of rhythm, some kind of flow around each other. The ship isn’t huge, meant for maybe three or four maximum. Despite that it seems even smaller with your two soulmates with you. Personal space is out of the question, except in the ‘fresher. It normally wouldn’t be a problem, except there’s nowhere for you to truly decompress, to try and process your roiling emotions. You’ve tried meditating, but ever since the purge you’ve struggled to truly clear your mind. It required a vulnerability you haven’t felt safe enough to reach.
Even with your soulmates around, you still can’t clear your head enough to truly lean into the Force. If anything, they seem to be making it worse. It’s harder to focus with that pulling in your chest, the desire deep in your bones to be near them, to touch them, hold them. You’re truly understanding why the Jedi forbade soulmates. One cannot truly live without attachment when you’ve met your soulmate.
You’d do anything to have them close to you, safe where you can see them.
If they’re struggling with it, they’re good at hiding it.
You and Mayday find the flow first after a few days of stepping on toes. You feel closer to him already, that night between the two of you bridging the gap that had been there. He’s the most open with you, willing to be close to you, closer than your forced proximity already makes you be. Often you find yourself easing him to sleep, staying with him as long as you can. You sit in the small bunk, his head resting in your lap, your hand in his resting against his chest. Sometimes you drift off there, slipping into that space between sleep and alertness you seem to hover in indefinitely when you try and sleep.
Even when it is your turn to sleep, you find yourself unable to truly rest. You haven’t slept since your return from rescuing your soulmates, but even then that had been brought on by depleting your energy, draining some of your lifeforce to bring Mayday back. You gave a piece of yourself to him in that moment, something he’ll never completely be able to understand. Not that you’ll tell him. He already feels indebted enough to you for saving his life.
You would never have held it against him, even if he hadn’t been your soulmate.
“It’s your turn.” A voice says behind you, and you turn to glance at Crosshair.
“I can stay awake longer,” you say, brows furrowing. “If you want to rest more.”
“I’m fine.” He says stiffly, waiting behind you for you to move from the pilot’s seat.
The three of you have found a rhythm of taking turns keeping watch. There’s nothing much to watch, aside from hyperspace and the occasional trip to a different lane. Every so often you can feel madness pulling at your mind if you stare for too long at the swirling blue outside the transparisteel. Still, the three of you cycle through rotations, ready in case something does happen, like the Empire waiting for you as you drop out of hyperspace.
“If you’re sure.” You say, staring up at him.
He doesn’t say anything, but you can see it in his eyes. He’s not going to argue with you. It’s his turn and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Crosshair...he’s...difficult. He’s distanced himself from you and Mayday, even in close quarters. He sticks to himself in the pilot’s seat, and goes straight to his bunk as soon as his turn is over. He rarely speaks, aside from the occasional remark when he has to give one. You can’t help but wonder if he’s always been like this, so stiff and unfriendly. Most clones you met had a disposition to be friendly once you got to know them, once you sunk below the dedication to their duty they wore with their armor.
Crosshair, though. He’s something else.
“Nothing happened while you were resting.” You say as you stand, letting him take your place. “We should move to another lane soon, while we wait to hear from Rex.”
“I’ve got it.” He says, glancing at you over his shoulder before settling into the seat.
“Right,” you say, taking a couple steps back before turning around, making your way to where Mayday sits on the floor.
“Don’t let him get to you.” Mayday says softly, handing you a ration pack as you sit next to him.
“I’m not.” You say, peeling it open. Living off rations hasn’t been ideal, but then again, nothing about your situation is ideal. What you wouldn’t give for a warm meal and a real bed.
Mayday gives you a sideways glance before looking back at his ration pack. “This orxtle stew isn’t bad, once you get used to it.”
You chuckle, taking a bite. “It’s really not. What I wouldn’t give for real food, though.” You lean your head back against the wall. “I’ll find us somewhere we can settle down for a short while soon. A real bed, a good shower. You never know how lucky you are until it’s gone.”
Mayday smiles softly. Of course, most of his life had been lived in a sterile, militaristic environment. The Republic didn’t care about the comfort of the clones and what was even more upsetting was that they were used to it. You can’t help but wonder if Mayday has ever slept in a real bed before. Surely on shore leave he must have found somewhere to stay with a good, soft bed.
The idea that he might not have has a lump forming in your throat.
They deserved so much better.
They still do.
“Come on,” Mayday says, offering you a hand once you’re both done eating.
You frown in confusion, but take his hand anyway. “What are you doing?”
“You’re going to get some rest.” he says, pulling you across the ship to the bunks. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not getting much rest.”
“Mayday,” you say softly as he climbs onto the bunk, sitting on the end like you do when you help him sleep. He puts the pillow in his lap, giving some cushion to his armor. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to help you sleep.” He says, patting the bed.
“I didn’t know you were versed in Jedi mind tricks.” you say, climbing up onto the bed anyway.
“I wouldn’t say that I am.” He says as you lay down, resting your head in his lap. The pillow is thin, but you’re grateful for it. “But anything I can do to try and help.”
You’re not sure it will help. It probably won’t, but the idea is touching.
He takes your hand, lacing your fingers with his before resting them against your chest. “Close your eyes.” He says softly, his other hand lifting to rub your temples.
You let out a long breath, relaxing into his lap. You can feel him, the warmth of his being in the Force. Even Crosshair seems softer when he’s not paying attention. You let out a hum as Mayday starts to massage your scalp, almost as if he can ease the tension from your mind. Your eyes slip closed, Mayday’s presence and his calming touch easing your body into a relaxed state.
Your body feels heavy as you lay there, letting his touch lull you into the waiting arms of sleep.
****
You finally get your wish for a warm bed and a hot meal when Rex sends coordinates for a planet free of the Empire, at least for now. The ship has grown smaller and smaller over the last few days, and you’re in desperate need for some fresh air and dirt under your boots. In desperation you take the chance to stay somewhere for longer than just a refuel and a stock up. Even just one night with a roof over your head in a real bed, free from the drag of hyperspace and the enclosed space of the ship, will be enough.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Mayday asks, his voice crackling through his helmet. The three of you are getting glances as you walk down the path into town. Mostly curious, some hesitant. From what you could tell this planet had been untouched during the war, but with a large spaceport, no doubt they heard stories.
“Rex said it’s safe and I trust him.” You say, adjusting your bag on your shoulder. Your lightsaber is tucked safely inside, hidden just in case. You doubt you’ll need it on this planet, but you could never be too careful.
You find the inn easily, stepping inside. The air is cool and clean, free from the slight metallic tang of recycled air. It’s a small inn, but the prospect of a real bed keeps you from being too suspicious. There’s no hostility prevalent in the Force, just confusion and some uneasiness.
“We’d like a room please.” You say to the weequay behind the counter.
He eyes you and the clones behind you before nodding. “How many?”
You think on it for half a moment, thinking of the two clones behind you. “Two.” You say. One would be safer, but you want to give them their privacy. You want your privacy too, after spending over a week stuck on a ship with them.
Both of the clones behind you shift uneasily, and you can just picture the look they’re sharing.
You pay for the rooms, passing off one of the keys to Crosshair. “Let’s go.”
You’re excited at the prospect of a real shower and a real bed as they follow you down the hall. The rooms are across from each other, the three of you coming to a stop in the hallway. Mayday and Crosshair share a look as you use one of the keys to open the room.
Mayday slips past you before you can enter, doing a sweep of the room before coming back out. “It’s safe.” He says, glancing down at you.
You pass off the spare key to him. “Just in case.”
Mayday takes it, nodding. “Enjoy yourself.”
“I’ll knock around third meal time.” You say. “I figure we’ll go out to eat. Get something warm in our stomachs.”
They nod and you close the door, leaning against it for a moment. It feels odd, being alone. The room almost seems too big without their presence constantly surrounding you. For a moment you wish you had just gotten one room, but at the same time, you know they’ll want their own privacy as well. They’ve been stuck with you too, and no doubt they want a break from your presence as well.
You drop your bag on the bed, pulling off your poncho. You need a shower, a good long shower. You take your comm to the fresher just in case, setting it on the small counter. It’s a small fresher, but it has a real shower with running water. That’s all you can ask for after days of nothing but a sonic. You love your ship, but she’s not exactly ideal for long-term travel.
Another reason to look for somewhere more permanent.
You take a long shower, soaking yourself as long as you can stand, scrubbing every inch of your body until your skin hurts. You need this break, this moment to re-calibrate, to rest, to clear your head. Being in close quarters with your soulmates has been distracting, even if just one of them was seeking that kind of connection with you. Crosshair’s distance has intensified that ache in your chest, but you’ve been shoving it aside, focusing on that blossoming warmth coming from Mayday.
You can still feel his fingers gently massaging your scalp, the warmth of him surrounding you as he held you while you slept. You did actually sleep, managing to slip below that haze of half-awareness you existed in. You still hold him when he sleeps. It seemed to help fight away that anxiety, the dread that settles into him when it comes time for him to rest. That’s something you didn’t think about in this arrangement. He’s not going to be able to sleep alone in that room.
Maybe you should have just gone with one room.
You change into clean clothes after your shower, laying yourself out on the bed. It’s a bit lumpy, but it feels like heaven after the stiff mattresses in the bunks of your ship. You could fall asleep right here like this, splayed out on top of the bed.
You don’t, though, far too aware to drift off to sleep. Instead you simply lay there, eyes closed as you try to focus on the Force. It swirls around you, seeping into your mind, easing your thoughts to a quiet hum. You focus on Mayday and Crosshair, on their beings, the life that exudes from them. There’s a tingling at the base of your skull, a feeling almost like giddiness filling you as you think on them.
They’re your soulmates.
The two beings your soul was meant to find, to have. None of you would be complete without the other. Even Crosshair and Mayday would have a more profound bond than they would with others because of their shared link with you. Perhaps that’s what drove Crosshair to kill their superior officer. Mayday nearly died because the Empire shared the same view as the Republic. The clones were hardly more than tools, useful only as bodies to fill a gap. Even now they were being phased out, disappearing more and more each day.
You saved them from that same treatment. You brought Mayday back from the brink of death, and you saved Crosshair from being another clone that disappeared, or worse. What would they have done to him? The thought has nausea churning in your stomach, nerves prickling under your skin. How easily you could have lost both of them. A few more moments and they would have been gone forever.
You push the thoughts aside, anxiety blooming under your skin. You crack your eyes open, sitting up on the bed. The sky is starting to darken, the chronometer on the bedside table telling you it’s nearly time for third meal. There’s a cantina across the street, a good place to look for hot food. Anything will be better than rations, you think.
You push yourself off the bed, grabbing your bag and throwing on your poncho before leaving the room to get your soulmates.
****
It’s late.
Something moves inside your room, shifting in the dark. You’re awake almost instantly, reaching out in the Force for whatever malice you might feel, whatever agent has made the mistake of creeping into your room in the dead of night. You sit up in bed, flicking on the light, lightsaber hilt in hand. You’re ready for a fight, even with the groginess of sleep still tugging at your mind.
“Mayday?” You ask quietly, brows furrowing as you blink away the sting of the lamp’s light from your eyes.
He’s standing at the end of your bed, looking rather sheepish. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay.” You say, setting your saber hilt back on the bedside table. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I couldn’t sleep.” He says, shifting on his feet. He’s still wearing his armor, helmet in hand.
Of course. You had been right in your assumption he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you. Of course you’ll help him again, but you feel bad about poor Crosshair being left alone. He might prefer it, though, getting a break from you and Mayday.
You try not to let that bother you.
You sit up straighter in bed, resting your back against the headboard. “Come here.”
“I, uh, had something different in mind tonight.” He says, shifting on his feet.
“Okay.” You say softly, watching him.
He hesitates for just a second before he moves to the side of the bed, stripping off his armor piece by piece before climbing under the covers. It takes you by surprise as he shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around you. He’s hesitant, moving slowly, waiting for you to stop him, to say no. You’re curious about what he has in mind, letting him shift your body so you’re laying further on the bed. The length of his body presses against your side, his head coming to rest on your stomach. Your heart is thumping hard in your chest, your body tingling from how close he is. This feels far more intense, far more...intimate.
His arm wraps around your body, hand pressing against your side. “Thought this might be more comfortable for you.”
It is, at least it will be more comfortable than trying to sleep sitting up. You doubt you’ll be able to sleep though, not with your thoughts reeling from having him so close. He feels so warm, like a heated blanket pressed against you. You feel alive, every nerve ending alight where he’s touching you.
You rest a hand on his head, stroking his soft hair. He lets out a sigh, gripping you tighter, his fingers flexing against your side. “I like this.” He murmurs, his breath warm through your thin shirt.
“I do too,” you admit, resting your hand against the side of his head. “It feels nice.”
He hums as you start to ease his thoughts, pulling him into the waiting arms of sleep. His body grows heavy against yours as he relaxes, his breaths slow and even.
You’re far too awake to sleep, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You’ve had him this close before, but it’s never felt quite like this. You can feel another gap being closed, a bridge being built between the two of you in this moment. You drape an arm over him, leaning back against the pillows. He’s so warm and his weight is so comforting, grounding you in the moment. Slowly your eyes begin to droop, growing heavy as sleep waits to take you into her waiting arms.
****
You’re not sure what time it is when you wake. The curtains over the window are blocking out the sun, but there’s a dim light in the room. It’s warm in the bed, a gentle, slow thumping echoing in your ear. You shift your head, cracking your eyes open.
Oh.
You’ve moved in the night, Mayday on his back now against the pillows. You’re laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around you. An excited thrill runs down your spine at the prospect of being held by him, of being wrapped in his arms. He’s awake, you can tell by the gentle brush of his thumb on the back of your arm. Not only did he wake to find you like this, but he’s willingly stayed like this since. Your heart starts to pound hard in your chest, warmth flowing through you.
“Mayday?” You say quietly, shifting just slightly against him.
His thumb stills, his body tensing just in the slightest. “Yes?” His voice is equally as soft.
“How long have we been like this?”
“Since I woke up.” He says softly. “I didn’t want to move and wake you.”
“I don’t mind.” You say quietly. “If you’re uncomfortable…”
“I’m not.” He says quickly, holding you just slightly tighter than he was. “I...I think this is quite nice, actually.”
You hum, listening to the steady thump of his heart beneath your ear. It’s picked up speed just slightly. That fact has a smile tugging at your lips. “I think it’s nice too.” you say. “Comfortable.”
He swallows thickly, his heart picking up speed just a bit more. You tilt your head up, cheek brushing against the rough fabric of his blacks. He’s staring down at you, something unreadable in his gaze. He’s nervous, you can feel that through the Force. His hand flattens against your back, warm through your thin tunic.
“Mayday?” you whisper, gaze locked with his.
“If I wanted to kiss you, would you mind?” He asks.
You shake your head. “I wouldn’t mind.”
You lean forward, your gaze dropping to his lips. His hand raises, cupping your cheek tenderly, pulling you the rest of the way down. Your lips brush his softly, almost hesitantly. Your own heart is thudding hard in your chest, excitement and nerves fluttering under your skin. You haven’t been this close to another person in a long time.
His lips press firmer against yours, his fingers sinking into your hair, holding you in place. You hum against his lips, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before, your very nerves alight with energy. You feel closer to him, closer than you are just physically, like a piece of your soul has been put back into place. A piece you hadn’t known was missing. It leaves you feeling full and warm and so alive.
Mayday shifts, rolling over so you’re on your back in bed, his body hovering over yours. His hand slides from your hair to your cheek, cradling your face as he pulls back. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him down closer to you. You’re breathing the same air, close enough you can feel it fanning your lips.
“I liked that.” You say softly, staring up into those big brown eyes.
“So did I.” He says, his gaze intense.
There’s a moment of silence between the two of you, lost in each others’ eyes. The hole in your chest is slowly closing, something filling that gap in your soul you hadn’t realized was there. It’ll never completely close, not until Crosshair opens himself up to you, but for now you’ll take this lessening of the ache that’s filled you since the day you rescued them.
Mayday leans down again, closing that space between you as he kisses you once more. His body is pressed against yours, heavy weight settled against you. It’s grounding, a firm reminder that he’s really here, that he’s really with you, that this is really real.
A knock on the door has you both pulling away from each other, your face warming. It’s likely Crosshair waiting for the two of you to find somewhere to have first meal. You wonder how long he’s been waiting, how much time he gave you before he grew tired.
Mayday rolls from on top of you, sitting up on the edge of the bed. You do the same on the other side, straightening yourself up a bit before heading for the door. You’re right, it is Crosshair on the other side, his gaze sharp and assessing. Of course he’s assuming. He woke up to find Mayday gone and there would be only one place he’d go. That doesn’t stop the warmth from blossoming across your face as you stare up at him.
“Morning, Crosshair.” You say, clearing your throat. “We’ll be out in a minute.”
He doesn’t say anything, just nods once before you close the door again. You bury your face in your hands, your face burning. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, yet embarrassment at the awkwardness that had just ensued rushes through you. The things he probably thought went on in this room last night.
You take a moment to calm down, sprucing yourself up in the ‘fresher as Mayday dons his armor again. You pack your bag, slipping your saber in the pocket before the two of you step out, Mayday’s hand slipping into yours. You squeeze your fingers around his hand, giving him a smile before the three of you make your way down the hallway.
****
The ship feels even smaller now that this development has grown between you and Mayday. You’re back in space again, jumping from one hyperspace lane to the next, looking for your next safe place to lay low for a few days. You wish you could have stayed on that planet longer, but it wasn’t safe. Not with the Empire rapidly expanding its occupations. Nowhere was truly safe, except perhaps some backwater planets with no spaceports.
Those were always an option.
A last ditch option, but they were still on the list.
“You’re not sleeping again.” Mayday says as the two of you sit side by side eating what you suppose is second meal. You haven’t been sleeping much, that’s true. You’ve been too busy thinking up plans, where to go, what to do if the Empire finds you. You’ve already resigned to the thought that you’d sacrifice yourself for your soulmates. You’d give them a fighting chance to get away, even if it meant your death. It’s not fair, but it’s what you’d do.
You won’t tell them that though. Not unless the time came for it.
You hope it never will.
You shrug your shoulders, brushing up against him. “Just haven’t been able to calm my mind.” You admit it, not wanting to keep too many things from him.
He hums, staring at you. “You worry too much.”
“It’s in my nature.” You say, turning to gaze back at him. “I worry about you and Crosshair, about what might happen should the Empire find us.”
“We’re being careful.” He says, reaching out to brush the back of your hand with his gloved fingers. “Any sight of them and we know what we have to do.” Run for our lives.
“I just wish we could find somewhere permanent.” You say quietly, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Stop having to run and hide. Somewhere we know will be safe.”
He leans his head on top of yours, sighing softly. “That would be nice. But something tells me we won’t be so lucky.”
You hum in agreement, pulling away to eat the rest of your meal. You grab another packet of food, making your way to the front of the ship to give Crosshair some reprieve.
“Here,” you say, holding out the packet to him. “You should get some rest.”
He glances up at you before taking it. “I’m fine.”
You sink into the co-pilot’s seat, turning it so you’re facing him. “You know you don’t have to be so distant.” You fold your legs under you. “I don’t bite...unless you want me to.”
His sharp gaze deepens into a glare at your joke, but you don’t back down. You continue to stare at him softly, trying to break through that razor sharp barrier between the two of you. His hesitation, his fear, his insecurity. You can feel it all in the Force, the inner turmoil he feels every day. It would lessen if he would just let go, if he just gave in. You could help him carry that guilt that brews under the surface. You want to pick at it, break that ice bit by bit until he’s open to you. You won’t, though. You’ll respect that boundary.
“Seriously, though, you should go rest.” You say softly, continuing to stare at him.
“Are you going to sit here until I do?” He asks.
You nod. “Yes.”
He stares at you for a long moment before his shoulders drop just slightly with a sigh. He rises from the pilot’s seat, making his way back into the back of the ship. You watch him go before turning back to the flashing blue of hyperspace with a victorious grin. At least you got him to rest.
****
The next planet you land on is hot. Dry air whips around you as soon as the ramp has lowered, the suns high in the sky.
“I hate this already.” Mayday says, voice crackling through his helmet.
“Let’s just hope they have air conditioning indoors.” You say, squinting in the bright light of the suns as you make your way towards the town. There’s not many out and about, and you can see why. The heat has beads of sweat trailing down your spine. You can only imagine how hot it is under that armor.
You find the nearest inn, and mercifully the air inside is cool. You brush the sweat from your forehead as you approach the front desk, getting hesitant looks again, no doubt thanks to the two clones behind you. They’ve taken off their helmets, likely to seem less threatening.
You get two rooms again, the boys heading off to one while you take the other. It’s a small room, but it’s got a real bed and a real ‘fresher so you can’t complain. It’s becoming routine, showering as soon as you get in before dropping onto the mattress to lay down and relax for a while.
You should think about food, but you can’t quite bring yourself to get up yet, enjoying the feeling of your body sinking into the mattress. It’s so nice after days on your ship, sleeping on hard mats in the bunks. You could get used to this, but that’s a dangerous thought process to have right now. The more you get used to it, the harder it’ll be to leave, the harder it’ll be to want to stay safe.
Safety is your main concern right now, and it needs to stay that way.
You sigh before rising from the bed, tucking your lightsaber into your bag again before exiting the room, knocking on the door across the hall to get the boys for second meal.
****
It’s not even dark yet when the knock sounds at the door. Your brows pull into a frown and you reach out in the Force, the frown falling at the familiar warm signature on the other side. You open the door, peeking out to find Mayday waiting there.
“Mayday?” You ask, opening the door a bit wider.
“He sent me over here.” He says. “Knew I’d be coming anyway.”
You nod slowly, opening the door wider to let him through. He steps into the room, heading for the bed. You close and lock the door behind him, ensuring it’s properly closed before turning back to him, joining him near the bed.
“I worry about him being alone.” You say, moving to the other side of the bed before sinking down onto the mattress.
“I think he prefers it.” Mayday says, starting to remove his armor. “He’s a solitary creature.”
“Still.” You frown, glancing towards the door. “I hate that he’s all by himself.”
“He’s doing it to himself.” Mayday says, sinking down on the other side of the bed. “It would be easier if he just gave in.”
“I know.” You sigh. “He won’t though. Not until he works through whatever it is going on in his head. I wish he’d share, but...he’s so closed off. I just want to help him.”
“He’ll warm up to you eventually.” Mayday says, sounding so sure of himself. “I’m just worried about what it might take to make that happen.”
“He warmed up to you, it sounds like.” You say, glancing at him.
“Yeah, after we almost died. Literally.” His brows furrow, that dark look coming back into his gaze.
You reach out to him, taking his hand, pulling him closer. He sprawls out on the bed, letting you maneuver him so his head is in your lap. “Don’t think about that.” You say, running your fingers over his face. “You’re still alive and breathing.”
“You remind me of that.” He says softly, his fingers brushing your cheek. “Every time I’m close to you I’m reminded of what you did for me.”
You smile softly, your thumb brushing his lips. “I’d do it again, too.”
He pushes himself up to sit, leaning his body over yours. You stare up at him, into those captivating brown eyes. He doesn’t ask this time as he leans down, pressing his lips to yours. You kiss him back, your hand lifting to cup the back of his head, fingers sinking into his hair. His beard tickles you as he kisses you deeply, tilting his head as he pushes you back against the pillows.
His body is warm as it presses into yours, your hands sliding down his neck to his broad shoulders. He continues to kiss you, his tongue pressing against your lips. You open to him, pulling him down closer against your body. His arms wrap around your waist, holding you as he kisses you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Your entire body is alive with energy, electricity flowing through your veins from how close he is to you. You’ve never felt quite so alive, quite so complete as you do right now. The hole in your chest has been filled by Mayday and his proximity, his touch, his kisses. He’s giving you what you’ve been yearning for since the day you saved him.
He pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours as he breathes deeply. You’re breathing heavily as well, breath stolen by his sweet kisses. “I don’t want to stop.” He breathes, breath brushing your face.
“Then don’t.” You say, opening your eyes to stare up at him.
He meets your gaze, something unspoken passing through the two of you. There’s a finality to what you’re about to do. There’s no going back once it’s been done, once that bond has been completely built. You’ll become one, never to be parted again.
You wouldn’t wish for anything else.
Mayday leans back down, pressing his lips to yours again. He shifts slightly as he kisses you deeply, his bare hand slipping under the hem of your thin tunic to press against the skin of your stomach. His hand is so warm, calloused from years of training and handling weapons.
His beard brushes your skin as his lips trail down your jaw, your head tilting back to give him space as he continues that path down to your neck. Your entire body is alive and sensitive to his touch, goosebumps forming on your skin. Your hand tangles in his hair as his hand slides higher, blazing a path up your side until he reaches your breastband. His fingers tease the edge of the fabric, dipping underneath for a moment.
You push on his shoulders, his entire body moving back as you sit up. You tug your tunic over your head, tossing it onto the floor. Goosebumps erupt across your skin as he stares at you, his eyes focused and assessing every inch of skin revealed to him, every mark and scar visible in the low lamp light. His hand lifts, fingers brushing a nasty looking mark on the side of your shoulder.
“Ventress.” You explain.
“You fought her?” He asks, eyes darting up to you as his fingers continue to brush the raised skin.
“We had run-ins a couple times.” You say, shrugging. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.” His brow furrows as he stares at the mark, at what it means, what it could have meant. “Could have been worse.” You say, turning his face back to yours. “We all have our scars.”
He hums low in his chest, his hand sliding down your arm.
You let out a breath for a moment before lifting your hands to your breastband, pulling it up over your head. Your nipples pebble in the cool air of the room, your body suddenly very exposed to him. It feels strange, being so naked in front of someone after so long, but at the same time, it feels right that it’s him.
He stares at you hard, his gaze locked onto your bare breasts.
“You ever seen a pair of breasts before?” You ask, staring at him.
“Only in holofilms.” He says, still staring at your breasts. You raise a brow, his eyes darting to yours as he shrugs. “It was a long year on Barton IV.”
You chuckle, taking his hands in yours before lifting them to your breasts. “You can touch me, you know.”
His hands cup around your breasts, holding them like they’re precious gems. His gaze is still locked onto them, as if he’s trying to commit them to memory. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. All he has to do is ask now that this barrier has been knocked down. You certainly won’t say no. You like the way his hands hold you, the warmth of them, the way his calloused skin drags along your own soft, sensitive skin.
His thumbs brush your nipples, a quiet gasp leaving your lips. Electricity shoots directly between your legs from the stimulation. Mayday’s eyes dart to yours for a moment before he does it again, drawing another soft gasp from your lips. He leans down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. Your hand tangles in his hair as you arch in pleasure, his tongue circling the sensitive bud. He’s so sure of himself for a man who has likely never touched a woman before. Those must have been some holofilms he was watching.
He pushes you back against the pillows, shifting himself over you. You part your legs, allowing him between them where he comes to rest almost perfectly, like he was made to fit there. Well, in a way he was. You are perfect for each other, after all.
He pulls away from your breast to move to the other, giving it the same attention. Heat is pooling between your legs, your underwear starting to get wet just from his touch, just from having him so close. It feels so vulnerable, being so bare before him, but you wouldn’t trust anyone else, even in the short time you’ve known him.
He pulls away from your breast, tilting his head up to look at you. You run your fingers through his hair, his beard tickling the skin of your stomach as he starts to slide down further between your legs. He pushes himself up onto his knees, tugging the top of his blacks over his head, revealing his chest. You’re unafraid to stare at him, taking in the lean muscle, the soft tanned skin, the marks and scars from battle.
“You’re kriffing beautiful.” You say, unabashedly staring.
“Not as beautiful as you.” He says, leaning forward to kiss you again.
His body presses against yours, skin against skin. You feel alive where he’s touching you, sensitive and perceptive to every inch of him. You can feel him, hard in his blacks where he’s resting between your legs. Your own underwear is soaked already, just at the prospect of finally having him.
“I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.” He murmurs against your lips.
“Who said I wanted you to hold back?” You say, raising a brow at him as you pull away.
He stares down at you for a long moment before he sits himself back up on his knees, his hands falling to the waistband of your pants. They slip beneath the waistband, tugging them down, your hips lifting to give him space. He tosses your pants onto the floor with the rest of your clothes, his fingers hesitating for a moment around the waistband of your underwear. He’s staring at them, and for a moment you wish you could figure out what’s going on in his head.
Finally he slips his fingers under your underwear, pulling them down your legs as well before dropping them onto the floor. He sucks in a breath as he stares at you, bare and revealed before him. His hands part your thighs, pressing them into the mattress as he stares. You don’t mind his staring, despite the faint nervous flutter of your stomach from being so exposed to him. He doesn’t seem to mind either, his hands sliding down to your inner thighs.
“Kriffing beautiful.” He murmurs, sliding himself back before laying between your legs.
“Mayday…” you say, watching him as he leans forward, licking a stripe up your slit. “Oh,” your head falls back, your body relaxing as he repeats the motion.
His mouth closes around you, lips searching, seeking until they find what they’re looking for. His lips wrap around your clit, sucking hard. Your body jolts from the sudden pleasure, finally getting some relief from the ache that’s been steadily building there. Quiet moans leave your lips as he flicks your clit with his tongue, drawing patterns on it before wrapping his lips around it again.
You’re close already, the pleasure building and building. Your legs are shaking around his head, threatening to squeeze closed around it. You don’t want to suffocate him, but from the sound of it, he wouldn’t mind. He’s groaning against your pussy, beard scraping your thighs but you don’t care. You like the rough feeling of it, the drag of it against your sensitive skin.
Your entire body trembles as you come undone, back arching off the bed as he continues to suck your clit between his lips through your orgasm. Sparks erupt behind your eyes, the desire to be closer to him burning through you. It’s not enough. You need more. You need him wholly.
You have to push him away as overstimulation burns through you, his pupils wide as they stare up at you. “I need a break.” You pant, falling limp against the bed again. “Maker, how did you learn to do that?”
“Like I said, I watched a lot of holofilms.” He shrugs.
“I guess you did.” You grin, reaching out for him.
He slots himself between your thighs again, his lower half still closed. You can feel the press of his cock through the thick fabric of his blacks, dragging against your still soaked slit. You wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him, tasting yourself on his tongue. You moan against his lips as he grinds against you, pressing your bodies closer together.
“I need you,” he groans against your lips, nearly begging. He must be feeling the connection just as strongly as you are, that desire to be complete and whole.
“Then take me,” you say, pulling back to look up at him.
Something shines in his eyes as he pauses a moment, just staring at you. You stare back just as intently, feeling the warmth blossoming through him in the Force.
Love.
Your cheeks warm as he leans back onto his knees, sliding his blacks down his legs before kicking them off rather uncoordinated. He nearly topples over the edge of the bed in his haste, catching himself before he thuds to the floor. You can’t help but giggle at him, a grin forming on his face.
“Got me so excited I can hardly contain it.” He says, kneeling himself between your legs again. His cock is hard and standing at attention between his legs, thick and long. Your mouth waters at the sight of it and the prospect of how good it’s going to feel inside of you.
“Well, don’t hurt yourself.” You say, squeezing your thighs around your hips.
“I won’t.” He says softly, running his hands up your thighs. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Your face warms at his words, your hands lowering to his to squeeze them softly. He leans over you, one hand guiding his cock to your pussy. He drags it through your folds, gathering your slick before he presses it against you, slowly easing himself into you.
You moan at the stretch, at the feeling of him finally giving you what you need, what you’ve been desiring for days. That final barrier between you is coming down, the gap in your soul finally closing now that you are complete.
He slowly rocks his hips, easing himself into you. You’re moaning already, relaxing against the bed so he can sink in as deep as possible. It’s been so long, your body so sensitive already to him. He doesn’t stop until his hips are flush with yours, his body leaning down over yours. He sinks onto his elbows above you, pressing your bodies close together. You wrap your arms around his neck, clinging to him.
“Feel so good,” he murmurs, lips brushing your cheek.
“I’ve never felt so complete before,” you breathe, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Neither have I.” He says, shifting his body just slightly. It moves his cock inside of you, your legs tensing around his waist.
“I need you to move.” You say, squeezing around him.
He groans, shifting his hips again. “Yes, ma’am.”
You grin, holding onto him as he begins to move his hips, rocking slowly back and forth. You’re pressed so close together, bodies attempting to sink into each other, to become one being. You would if you could, sink into him until there was nothing left of your own form. You are one, though, one soul, one spirit. Even in the Force you can feel edges of yourself beginning to blend into him. You can feel him more strongly, fingertips alive with energy as you touch him. He’s almost glowing in the Force, vibrant and alive.
He continues to rock against you, thrusting into you harder and harder. You’re not sure how long you’ll last, not with the way he feels inside of you after all this time. That it took you this long is a miracle. Since you met your body has been calling out for him, any touch it can possibly get, with this being the desired result of such touches. Most didn’t wait as long as you did, but it had been necessary, given the situation.
He’s grunting and moaning into your ear, arms wrapped around you. It’s like a symphony of noises in the room, your own moans mixing with his, the slap of skin against skin, the wet squelch of your pussy. Obscene, but you’ve never been more aroused before. You give little thought to the poor people in the rooms around you and just how much they can hear. This is just about you and Mayday right now.
“Feel so good,” he groans, pressing his face into your neck. “I’m so close.”
“Me too,” you breathe, that edge of pleasure getting closer and closer with every press of his hips against you.
He shifts slightly, angling his hips upward. The tip of his cock brushes that spot inside of you, your entire body shuddering at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. Your moans get louder, your body clinging tighter to Mayday.
“Just like that,” you gasp. “Don’t stop!”
He continues to thrust into you at that angle, his hips nearly brutal in their movements. He’s chasing that high as desperately as you are, needing to feel you cum around him. You’re so close, that edge rapidly approaching with every press of his hips.
Your orgasm slams into you, your body writhing against his at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. You squeeze around him, his own hips jerking as you milk his orgasm out of him. He spills into you, his body tensing for just a moment before he goes lax against you, pinning you down against the bed.
The two of you just lay there for a long moment, breathing heavily, still trembling from your orgasms. You could lay like this for the rest of the night, filled by him, whole and together.
“I could stay like this forever.” He murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw.
“Me too,” you say, kissing his shoulder. “I’ve never felt so alive.”
It’s true. Despite the exhaustion, you’ve never felt more complete, more whole, more alive than you do right now. Every inch of your body is aware of Mayday, of his own body, his own existence. One of the gaping holes in your soul has been filled, completed, sealed shut forever. There’s still the other hole, wide and open and unfulfilled, but you’ll get there. It’ll close eventually. You have faith it will.
Slowly Mayday begins to move, lifting himself up off of you. Your body groans as he slips out of you, both from the loss of him and from the soreness no doubt you’ll feel tomorrow. Mayday heads for the ‘fresher, grabbing a damp towel to clean you up, wiping his seed from between your thighs. It’s touching, that he thought to do that. You wouldn’t have cared, tired enough to leave it a problem for tomorrow.
Mayday joins you back in bed, crawling under the covers with you. He pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arm around you. You’re both sweaty but you don’t care, having crossed that bridge of being disgusted by body fluids. You’ve had him inside of you. That feeling is long gone.
“I love you,” he murmurs softly, his presence in the Force alive with warmth and affection.
It brings a smile to your face, your body relaxing into that feeling. “I love you too.”
Your eyes drift closed and for the first time in a while, you drift off into a peaceful sleep.
****
A knock at the door is what wakes you, your head jerking up. Mayday is already awake, wrapped around your body from behind. He rubs his face, sucking in a deep breath. You wipe your own eyes, groggy and feeling like you slept too long. You might have.
It’s Crosshair at the door, Mayday pulling on his blacks before answering. You’ll have to get up, freshen yourself up. A shower would be nice, but you’re not sure Crosshair would be that patient. He’s probably given you more time than he should have.
You pull on your clothes before heading to the ‘fresher to freshen up just a bit. Mayday has his armor on when you leave the ‘fresher, helmet in hand. You grab your bag, double checking your saber is in its pocket before you step out the door, meeting Crosshair in the hallway. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed, a look on his face you’ve never seen before. His presence in the Force is twisted, just as sharp as it usually is.
You try to ignore it as Mayday takes your hand, the three of you making your way out of the inn to find somewhere to have first meal before you leave the planet.
You find an open cantina, sitting down to eat quickly. You want to be off the planet before the day heats up again. You could go your entire life without feeling heat like that again.
The three of you make your way towards the ship after eating, you and Mayday walking hand in hand while Crosshair picks up the rear, something that’s become a normal formation for the three of you.
As you approach the ship, Crosshair starts to slow before he comes to a stop.
You turn to look back at him, brows furrowed. “Crosshair?” You ask softly, his gaze on the ground, brows pulled in a frown. You step closer to him, worry starting to fill you. “What is it?”
He’s staring intently on a spot in the dirt, fingers tensed around his helmet that’s tucked under his arm. “I want to do it.” He says softly, so low you almost don’t hear him.
You take another step closer, head tilted. “Do what?”
“I want to find them.” He lifts his gaze to yours, shoulders set. “My old squad. I want to find them.”
Oh ho HOOOOO I do not MIND one BIT that this is turning into an epic saga. Goodness. The pacing is amazing. Mayday is so... mmph. Everything. The little details are all SO good! His care, him tripping (lol), and the authenticity of Crosshair's characterization... ALL OF IT!
Aww thank you!!! It might become an epic at this point 😂 idk what I expected it to become, I'm not short winded anymore. I'm glad you enjoyed it though!! 💜
Summary: Now that you're together with your soulmates, the three of you traverse the galaxy, looking for safe places to lay low for a while. You deal with budding feelings for your soulmates, one of them willing to close that gap between you while the other keeps his distance.
Pairing: Crosshair x reader x Mayday Soulmate AU
Word Count: 8,580 words
Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, p in v sex, oral sex, soft sex, language, kissing, slight angst, NO CLONECEST, soulmate AU, lots of feelings
A/N: Well, what was supposed to be a two part fic has turned into at least three 😂 the way this could easily be a ten part fic...anyway, mainly focused on Mayday in this one, but I promise the next will be focused on Crosshair and his stubborn ass. Hope you enjoy!
Part 1 | MASTERLIST
The days after your exodus from the planet go by smoothly, as smoothly as they can, at least. It’s an adjustment, living on a ship again. This time, though, it’s not just you. You’ve got two more bodies to account for now, two very different bodies.
The first few days require some tiptoeing, trying to figure out some kind of rhythm, some kind of flow around each other. The ship isn’t huge, meant for maybe three or four maximum. Despite that it seems even smaller with your two soulmates with you. Personal space is out of the question, except in the ‘fresher. It normally wouldn’t be a problem, except there’s nowhere for you to truly decompress, to try and process your roiling emotions. You’ve tried meditating, but ever since the purge you’ve struggled to truly clear your mind. It required a vulnerability you haven’t felt safe enough to reach.
Even with your soulmates around, you still can’t clear your head enough to truly lean into the Force. If anything, they seem to be making it worse. It’s harder to focus with that pulling in your chest, the desire deep in your bones to be near them, to touch them, hold them. You’re truly understanding why the Jedi forbade soulmates. One cannot truly live without attachment when you’ve met your soulmate.
You’d do anything to have them close to you, safe where you can see them.
If they’re struggling with it, they’re good at hiding it.
You and Mayday find the flow first after a few days of stepping on toes. You feel closer to him already, that night between the two of you bridging the gap that had been there. He’s the most open with you, willing to be close to you, closer than your forced proximity already makes you be. Often you find yourself easing him to sleep, staying with him as long as you can. You sit in the small bunk, his head resting in your lap, your hand in his resting against his chest. Sometimes you drift off there, slipping into that space between sleep and alertness you seem to hover in indefinitely when you try and sleep.
Even when it is your turn to sleep, you find yourself unable to truly rest. You haven’t slept since your return from rescuing your soulmates, but even then that had been brought on by depleting your energy, draining some of your lifeforce to bring Mayday back. You gave a piece of yourself to him in that moment, something he’ll never completely be able to understand. Not that you’ll tell him. He already feels indebted enough to you for saving his life.
You would never have held it against him, even if he hadn’t been your soulmate.
“It’s your turn.” A voice says behind you, and you turn to glance at Crosshair.
“I can stay awake longer,” you say, brows furrowing. “If you want to rest more.”
“I’m fine.” He says stiffly, waiting behind you for you to move from the pilot’s seat.
The three of you have found a rhythm of taking turns keeping watch. There’s nothing much to watch, aside from hyperspace and the occasional trip to a different lane. Every so often you can feel madness pulling at your mind if you stare for too long at the swirling blue outside the transparisteel. Still, the three of you cycle through rotations, ready in case something does happen, like the Empire waiting for you as you drop out of hyperspace.
“If you’re sure.” You say, staring up at him.
He doesn’t say anything, but you can see it in his eyes. He’s not going to argue with you. It’s his turn and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Crosshair...he’s...difficult. He’s distanced himself from you and Mayday, even in close quarters. He sticks to himself in the pilot’s seat, and goes straight to his bunk as soon as his turn is over. He rarely speaks, aside from the occasional remark when he has to give one. You can’t help but wonder if he’s always been like this, so stiff and unfriendly. Most clones you met had a disposition to be friendly once you got to know them, once you sunk below the dedication to their duty they wore with their armor.
Crosshair, though. He’s something else.
“Nothing happened while you were resting.” You say as you stand, letting him take your place. “We should move to another lane soon, while we wait to hear from Rex.”
“I’ve got it.” He says, glancing at you over his shoulder before settling into the seat.
“Right,” you say, taking a couple steps back before turning around, making your way to where Mayday sits on the floor.
“Don’t let him get to you.” Mayday says softly, handing you a ration pack as you sit next to him.
“I’m not.” You say, peeling it open. Living off rations hasn’t been ideal, but then again, nothing about your situation is ideal. What you wouldn’t give for a warm meal and a real bed.
Mayday gives you a sideways glance before looking back at his ration pack. “This orxtle stew isn’t bad, once you get used to it.”
You chuckle, taking a bite. “It’s really not. What I wouldn’t give for real food, though.” You lean your head back against the wall. “I’ll find us somewhere we can settle down for a short while soon. A real bed, a good shower. You never know how lucky you are until it’s gone.”
Mayday smiles softly. Of course, most of his life had been lived in a sterile, militaristic environment. The Republic didn’t care about the comfort of the clones and what was even more upsetting was that they were used to it. You can’t help but wonder if Mayday has ever slept in a real bed before. Surely on shore leave he must have found somewhere to stay with a good, soft bed.
The idea that he might not have has a lump forming in your throat.
They deserved so much better.
They still do.
“Come on,” Mayday says, offering you a hand once you’re both done eating.
You frown in confusion, but take his hand anyway. “What are you doing?”
“You’re going to get some rest.” he says, pulling you across the ship to the bunks. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not getting much rest.”
“Mayday,” you say softly as he climbs onto the bunk, sitting on the end like you do when you help him sleep. He puts the pillow in his lap, giving some cushion to his armor. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to help you sleep.” He says, patting the bed.
“I didn’t know you were versed in Jedi mind tricks.” you say, climbing up onto the bed anyway.
“I wouldn’t say that I am.” He says as you lay down, resting your head in his lap. The pillow is thin, but you’re grateful for it. “But anything I can do to try and help.”
You’re not sure it will help. It probably won’t, but the idea is touching.
He takes your hand, lacing your fingers with his before resting them against your chest. “Close your eyes.” He says softly, his other hand lifting to rub your temples.
You let out a long breath, relaxing into his lap. You can feel him, the warmth of his being in the Force. Even Crosshair seems softer when he’s not paying attention. You let out a hum as Mayday starts to massage your scalp, almost as if he can ease the tension from your mind. Your eyes slip closed, Mayday’s presence and his calming touch easing your body into a relaxed state.
Your body feels heavy as you lay there, letting his touch lull you into the waiting arms of sleep.
****
You finally get your wish for a warm bed and a hot meal when Rex sends coordinates for a planet free of the Empire, at least for now. The ship has grown smaller and smaller over the last few days, and you’re in desperate need for some fresh air and dirt under your boots. In desperation you take the chance to stay somewhere for longer than just a refuel and a stock up. Even just one night with a roof over your head in a real bed, free from the drag of hyperspace and the enclosed space of the ship, will be enough.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Mayday asks, his voice crackling through his helmet. The three of you are getting glances as you walk down the path into town. Mostly curious, some hesitant. From what you could tell this planet had been untouched during the war, but with a large spaceport, no doubt they heard stories.
“Rex said it’s safe and I trust him.” You say, adjusting your bag on your shoulder. Your lightsaber is tucked safely inside, hidden just in case. You doubt you’ll need it on this planet, but you could never be too careful.
You find the inn easily, stepping inside. The air is cool and clean, free from the slight metallic tang of recycled air. It’s a small inn, but the prospect of a real bed keeps you from being too suspicious. There’s no hostility prevalent in the Force, just confusion and some uneasiness.
“We’d like a room please.” You say to the weequay behind the counter.
He eyes you and the clones behind you before nodding. “How many?”
You think on it for half a moment, thinking of the two clones behind you. “Two.” You say. One would be safer, but you want to give them their privacy. You want your privacy too, after spending over a week stuck on a ship with them.
Both of the clones behind you shift uneasily, and you can just picture the look they’re sharing.
You pay for the rooms, passing off one of the keys to Crosshair. “Let’s go.”
You’re excited at the prospect of a real shower and a real bed as they follow you down the hall. The rooms are across from each other, the three of you coming to a stop in the hallway. Mayday and Crosshair share a look as you use one of the keys to open the room.
Mayday slips past you before you can enter, doing a sweep of the room before coming back out. “It’s safe.” He says, glancing down at you.
You pass off the spare key to him. “Just in case.”
Mayday takes it, nodding. “Enjoy yourself.”
“I’ll knock around third meal time.” You say. “I figure we’ll go out to eat. Get something warm in our stomachs.”
They nod and you close the door, leaning against it for a moment. It feels odd, being alone. The room almost seems too big without their presence constantly surrounding you. For a moment you wish you had just gotten one room, but at the same time, you know they’ll want their own privacy as well. They’ve been stuck with you too, and no doubt they want a break from your presence as well.
You drop your bag on the bed, pulling off your poncho. You need a shower, a good long shower. You take your comm to the fresher just in case, setting it on the small counter. It’s a small fresher, but it has a real shower with running water. That’s all you can ask for after days of nothing but a sonic. You love your ship, but she’s not exactly ideal for long-term travel.
Another reason to look for somewhere more permanent.
You take a long shower, soaking yourself as long as you can stand, scrubbing every inch of your body until your skin hurts. You need this break, this moment to re-calibrate, to rest, to clear your head. Being in close quarters with your soulmates has been distracting, even if just one of them was seeking that kind of connection with you. Crosshair’s distance has intensified that ache in your chest, but you’ve been shoving it aside, focusing on that blossoming warmth coming from Mayday.
You can still feel his fingers gently massaging your scalp, the warmth of him surrounding you as he held you while you slept. You did actually sleep, managing to slip below that haze of half-awareness you existed in. You still hold him when he sleeps. It seemed to help fight away that anxiety, the dread that settles into him when it comes time for him to rest. That’s something you didn’t think about in this arrangement. He’s not going to be able to sleep alone in that room.
Maybe you should have just gone with one room.
You change into clean clothes after your shower, laying yourself out on the bed. It’s a bit lumpy, but it feels like heaven after the stiff mattresses in the bunks of your ship. You could fall asleep right here like this, splayed out on top of the bed.
You don’t, though, far too aware to drift off to sleep. Instead you simply lay there, eyes closed as you try to focus on the Force. It swirls around you, seeping into your mind, easing your thoughts to a quiet hum. You focus on Mayday and Crosshair, on their beings, the life that exudes from them. There’s a tingling at the base of your skull, a feeling almost like giddiness filling you as you think on them.
They’re your soulmates.
The two beings your soul was meant to find, to have. None of you would be complete without the other. Even Crosshair and Mayday would have a more profound bond than they would with others because of their shared link with you. Perhaps that’s what drove Crosshair to kill their superior officer. Mayday nearly died because the Empire shared the same view as the Republic. The clones were hardly more than tools, useful only as bodies to fill a gap. Even now they were being phased out, disappearing more and more each day.
You saved them from that same treatment. You brought Mayday back from the brink of death, and you saved Crosshair from being another clone that disappeared, or worse. What would they have done to him? The thought has nausea churning in your stomach, nerves prickling under your skin. How easily you could have lost both of them. A few more moments and they would have been gone forever.
You push the thoughts aside, anxiety blooming under your skin. You crack your eyes open, sitting up on the bed. The sky is starting to darken, the chronometer on the bedside table telling you it’s nearly time for third meal. There’s a cantina across the street, a good place to look for hot food. Anything will be better than rations, you think.
You push yourself off the bed, grabbing your bag and throwing on your poncho before leaving the room to get your soulmates.
****
It’s late.
Something moves inside your room, shifting in the dark. You’re awake almost instantly, reaching out in the Force for whatever malice you might feel, whatever agent has made the mistake of creeping into your room in the dead of night. You sit up in bed, flicking on the light, lightsaber hilt in hand. You’re ready for a fight, even with the groginess of sleep still tugging at your mind.
“Mayday?” You ask quietly, brows furrowing as you blink away the sting of the lamp’s light from your eyes.
He’s standing at the end of your bed, looking rather sheepish. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay.” You say, setting your saber hilt back on the bedside table. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I couldn’t sleep.” He says, shifting on his feet. He’s still wearing his armor, helmet in hand.
Of course. You had been right in your assumption he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you. Of course you’ll help him again, but you feel bad about poor Crosshair being left alone. He might prefer it, though, getting a break from you and Mayday.
You try not to let that bother you.
You sit up straighter in bed, resting your back against the headboard. “Come here.”
“I, uh, had something different in mind tonight.” He says, shifting on his feet.
“Okay.” You say softly, watching him.
He hesitates for just a second before he moves to the side of the bed, stripping off his armor piece by piece before climbing under the covers. It takes you by surprise as he shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around you. He’s hesitant, moving slowly, waiting for you to stop him, to say no. You’re curious about what he has in mind, letting him shift your body so you’re laying further on the bed. The length of his body presses against your side, his head coming to rest on your stomach. Your heart is thumping hard in your chest, your body tingling from how close he is. This feels far more intense, far more...intimate.
His arm wraps around your body, hand pressing against your side. “Thought this might be more comfortable for you.”
It is, at least it will be more comfortable than trying to sleep sitting up. You doubt you’ll be able to sleep though, not with your thoughts reeling from having him so close. He feels so warm, like a heated blanket pressed against you. You feel alive, every nerve ending alight where he’s touching you.
You rest a hand on his head, stroking his soft hair. He lets out a sigh, gripping you tighter, his fingers flexing against your side. “I like this.” He murmurs, his breath warm through your thin shirt.
“I do too,” you admit, resting your hand against the side of his head. “It feels nice.”
He hums as you start to ease his thoughts, pulling him into the waiting arms of sleep. His body grows heavy against yours as he relaxes, his breaths slow and even.
You’re far too awake to sleep, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You’ve had him this close before, but it’s never felt quite like this. You can feel another gap being closed, a bridge being built between the two of you in this moment. You drape an arm over him, leaning back against the pillows. He’s so warm and his weight is so comforting, grounding you in the moment. Slowly your eyes begin to droop, growing heavy as sleep waits to take you into her waiting arms.
****
You’re not sure what time it is when you wake. The curtains over the window are blocking out the sun, but there’s a dim light in the room. It’s warm in the bed, a gentle, slow thumping echoing in your ear. You shift your head, cracking your eyes open.
Oh.
You’ve moved in the night, Mayday on his back now against the pillows. You’re laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around you. An excited thrill runs down your spine at the prospect of being held by him, of being wrapped in his arms. He’s awake, you can tell by the gentle brush of his thumb on the back of your arm. Not only did he wake to find you like this, but he’s willingly stayed like this since. Your heart starts to pound hard in your chest, warmth flowing through you.
“Mayday?” You say quietly, shifting just slightly against him.
His thumb stills, his body tensing just in the slightest. “Yes?” His voice is equally as soft.
“How long have we been like this?”
“Since I woke up.” He says softly. “I didn’t want to move and wake you.”
“I don’t mind.” You say quietly. “If you’re uncomfortable…”
“I’m not.” He says quickly, holding you just slightly tighter than he was. “I...I think this is quite nice, actually.”
You hum, listening to the steady thump of his heart beneath your ear. It’s picked up speed just slightly. That fact has a smile tugging at your lips. “I think it’s nice too.” you say. “Comfortable.”
He swallows thickly, his heart picking up speed just a bit more. You tilt your head up, cheek brushing against the rough fabric of his blacks. He’s staring down at you, something unreadable in his gaze. He’s nervous, you can feel that through the Force. His hand flattens against your back, warm through your thin tunic.
“Mayday?” you whisper, gaze locked with his.
“If I wanted to kiss you, would you mind?” He asks.
You shake your head. “I wouldn’t mind.”
You lean forward, your gaze dropping to his lips. His hand raises, cupping your cheek tenderly, pulling you the rest of the way down. Your lips brush his softly, almost hesitantly. Your own heart is thudding hard in your chest, excitement and nerves fluttering under your skin. You haven’t been this close to another person in a long time.
His lips press firmer against yours, his fingers sinking into your hair, holding you in place. You hum against his lips, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before, your very nerves alight with energy. You feel closer to him, closer than you are just physically, like a piece of your soul has been put back into place. A piece you hadn’t known was missing. It leaves you feeling full and warm and so alive.
Mayday shifts, rolling over so you’re on your back in bed, his body hovering over yours. His hand slides from your hair to your cheek, cradling your face as he pulls back. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him down closer to you. You’re breathing the same air, close enough you can feel it fanning your lips.
“I liked that.” You say softly, staring up into those big brown eyes.
“So did I.” He says, his gaze intense.
There’s a moment of silence between the two of you, lost in each others’ eyes. The hole in your chest is slowly closing, something filling that gap in your soul you hadn’t realized was there. It’ll never completely close, not until Crosshair opens himself up to you, but for now you’ll take this lessening of the ache that’s filled you since the day you rescued them.
Mayday leans down again, closing that space between you as he kisses you once more. His body is pressed against yours, heavy weight settled against you. It’s grounding, a firm reminder that he’s really here, that he’s really with you, that this is really real.
A knock on the door has you both pulling away from each other, your face warming. It’s likely Crosshair waiting for the two of you to find somewhere to have first meal. You wonder how long he’s been waiting, how much time he gave you before he grew tired.
Mayday rolls from on top of you, sitting up on the edge of the bed. You do the same on the other side, straightening yourself up a bit before heading for the door. You’re right, it is Crosshair on the other side, his gaze sharp and assessing. Of course he’s assuming. He woke up to find Mayday gone and there would be only one place he’d go. That doesn’t stop the warmth from blossoming across your face as you stare up at him.
“Morning, Crosshair.” You say, clearing your throat. “We’ll be out in a minute.”
He doesn’t say anything, just nods once before you close the door again. You bury your face in your hands, your face burning. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, yet embarrassment at the awkwardness that had just ensued rushes through you. The things he probably thought went on in this room last night.
You take a moment to calm down, sprucing yourself up in the ‘fresher as Mayday dons his armor again. You pack your bag, slipping your saber in the pocket before the two of you step out, Mayday’s hand slipping into yours. You squeeze your fingers around his hand, giving him a smile before the three of you make your way down the hallway.
****
The ship feels even smaller now that this development has grown between you and Mayday. You’re back in space again, jumping from one hyperspace lane to the next, looking for your next safe place to lay low for a few days. You wish you could have stayed on that planet longer, but it wasn’t safe. Not with the Empire rapidly expanding its occupations. Nowhere was truly safe, except perhaps some backwater planets with no spaceports.
Those were always an option.
A last ditch option, but they were still on the list.
“You’re not sleeping again.” Mayday says as the two of you sit side by side eating what you suppose is second meal. You haven’t been sleeping much, that’s true. You’ve been too busy thinking up plans, where to go, what to do if the Empire finds you. You’ve already resigned to the thought that you’d sacrifice yourself for your soulmates. You’d give them a fighting chance to get away, even if it meant your death. It’s not fair, but it’s what you’d do.
You won’t tell them that though. Not unless the time came for it.
You hope it never will.
You shrug your shoulders, brushing up against him. “Just haven’t been able to calm my mind.” You admit it, not wanting to keep too many things from him.
He hums, staring at you. “You worry too much.”
“It’s in my nature.” You say, turning to gaze back at him. “I worry about you and Crosshair, about what might happen should the Empire find us.”
“We’re being careful.” He says, reaching out to brush the back of your hand with his gloved fingers. “Any sight of them and we know what we have to do.” Run for our lives.
“I just wish we could find somewhere permanent.” You say quietly, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Stop having to run and hide. Somewhere we know will be safe.”
He leans his head on top of yours, sighing softly. “That would be nice. But something tells me we won’t be so lucky.”
You hum in agreement, pulling away to eat the rest of your meal. You grab another packet of food, making your way to the front of the ship to give Crosshair some reprieve.
“Here,” you say, holding out the packet to him. “You should get some rest.”
He glances up at you before taking it. “I’m fine.”
You sink into the co-pilot’s seat, turning it so you’re facing him. “You know you don’t have to be so distant.” You fold your legs under you. “I don’t bite...unless you want me to.”
His sharp gaze deepens into a glare at your joke, but you don’t back down. You continue to stare at him softly, trying to break through that razor sharp barrier between the two of you. His hesitation, his fear, his insecurity. You can feel it all in the Force, the inner turmoil he feels every day. It would lessen if he would just let go, if he just gave in. You could help him carry that guilt that brews under the surface. You want to pick at it, break that ice bit by bit until he’s open to you. You won’t, though. You’ll respect that boundary.
“Seriously, though, you should go rest.” You say softly, continuing to stare at him.
“Are you going to sit here until I do?” He asks.
You nod. “Yes.”
He stares at you for a long moment before his shoulders drop just slightly with a sigh. He rises from the pilot’s seat, making his way back into the back of the ship. You watch him go before turning back to the flashing blue of hyperspace with a victorious grin. At least you got him to rest.
****
The next planet you land on is hot. Dry air whips around you as soon as the ramp has lowered, the suns high in the sky.
“I hate this already.” Mayday says, voice crackling through his helmet.
“Let’s just hope they have air conditioning indoors.” You say, squinting in the bright light of the suns as you make your way towards the town. There’s not many out and about, and you can see why. The heat has beads of sweat trailing down your spine. You can only imagine how hot it is under that armor.
You find the nearest inn, and mercifully the air inside is cool. You brush the sweat from your forehead as you approach the front desk, getting hesitant looks again, no doubt thanks to the two clones behind you. They’ve taken off their helmets, likely to seem less threatening.
You get two rooms again, the boys heading off to one while you take the other. It’s a small room, but it’s got a real bed and a real ‘fresher so you can’t complain. It’s becoming routine, showering as soon as you get in before dropping onto the mattress to lay down and relax for a while.
You should think about food, but you can’t quite bring yourself to get up yet, enjoying the feeling of your body sinking into the mattress. It’s so nice after days on your ship, sleeping on hard mats in the bunks. You could get used to this, but that’s a dangerous thought process to have right now. The more you get used to it, the harder it’ll be to leave, the harder it’ll be to want to stay safe.
Safety is your main concern right now, and it needs to stay that way.
You sigh before rising from the bed, tucking your lightsaber into your bag again before exiting the room, knocking on the door across the hall to get the boys for second meal.
****
It’s not even dark yet when the knock sounds at the door. Your brows pull into a frown and you reach out in the Force, the frown falling at the familiar warm signature on the other side. You open the door, peeking out to find Mayday waiting there.
“Mayday?” You ask, opening the door a bit wider.
“He sent me over here.” He says. “Knew I’d be coming anyway.”
You nod slowly, opening the door wider to let him through. He steps into the room, heading for the bed. You close and lock the door behind him, ensuring it’s properly closed before turning back to him, joining him near the bed.
“I worry about him being alone.” You say, moving to the other side of the bed before sinking down onto the mattress.
“I think he prefers it.” Mayday says, starting to remove his armor. “He’s a solitary creature.”
“Still.” You frown, glancing towards the door. “I hate that he’s all by himself.”
“He’s doing it to himself.” Mayday says, sinking down on the other side of the bed. “It would be easier if he just gave in.”
“I know.” You sigh. “He won’t though. Not until he works through whatever it is going on in his head. I wish he’d share, but...he’s so closed off. I just want to help him.”
“He’ll warm up to you eventually.” Mayday says, sounding so sure of himself. “I’m just worried about what it might take to make that happen.”
“He warmed up to you, it sounds like.” You say, glancing at him.
“Yeah, after we almost died. Literally.” His brows furrow, that dark look coming back into his gaze.
You reach out to him, taking his hand, pulling him closer. He sprawls out on the bed, letting you maneuver him so his head is in your lap. “Don’t think about that.” You say, running your fingers over his face. “You’re still alive and breathing.”
“You remind me of that.” He says softly, his fingers brushing your cheek. “Every time I’m close to you I’m reminded of what you did for me.”
You smile softly, your thumb brushing his lips. “I’d do it again, too.”
He pushes himself up to sit, leaning his body over yours. You stare up at him, into those captivating brown eyes. He doesn’t ask this time as he leans down, pressing his lips to yours. You kiss him back, your hand lifting to cup the back of his head, fingers sinking into his hair. His beard tickles you as he kisses you deeply, tilting his head as he pushes you back against the pillows.
His body is warm as it presses into yours, your hands sliding down his neck to his broad shoulders. He continues to kiss you, his tongue pressing against your lips. You open to him, pulling him down closer against your body. His arms wrap around your waist, holding you as he kisses you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Your entire body is alive with energy, electricity flowing through your veins from how close he is to you. You’ve never felt quite so alive, quite so complete as you do right now. The hole in your chest has been filled by Mayday and his proximity, his touch, his kisses. He’s giving you what you’ve been yearning for since the day you saved him.
He pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours as he breathes deeply. You’re breathing heavily as well, breath stolen by his sweet kisses. “I don’t want to stop.” He breathes, breath brushing your face.
“Then don’t.” You say, opening your eyes to stare up at him.
He meets your gaze, something unspoken passing through the two of you. There’s a finality to what you’re about to do. There’s no going back once it’s been done, once that bond has been completely built. You’ll become one, never to be parted again.
You wouldn’t wish for anything else.
Mayday leans back down, pressing his lips to yours again. He shifts slightly as he kisses you deeply, his bare hand slipping under the hem of your thin tunic to press against the skin of your stomach. His hand is so warm, calloused from years of training and handling weapons.
His beard brushes your skin as his lips trail down your jaw, your head tilting back to give him space as he continues that path down to your neck. Your entire body is alive and sensitive to his touch, goosebumps forming on your skin. Your hand tangles in his hair as his hand slides higher, blazing a path up your side until he reaches your breastband. His fingers tease the edge of the fabric, dipping underneath for a moment.
You push on his shoulders, his entire body moving back as you sit up. You tug your tunic over your head, tossing it onto the floor. Goosebumps erupt across your skin as he stares at you, his eyes focused and assessing every inch of skin revealed to him, every mark and scar visible in the low lamp light. His hand lifts, fingers brushing a nasty looking mark on the side of your shoulder.
“Ventress.” You explain.
“You fought her?” He asks, eyes darting up to you as his fingers continue to brush the raised skin.
“We had run-ins a couple times.” You say, shrugging. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.” His brow furrows as he stares at the mark, at what it means, what it could have meant. “Could have been worse.” You say, turning his face back to yours. “We all have our scars.”
He hums low in his chest, his hand sliding down your arm.
You let out a breath for a moment before lifting your hands to your breastband, pulling it up over your head. Your nipples pebble in the cool air of the room, your body suddenly very exposed to him. It feels strange, being so naked in front of someone after so long, but at the same time, it feels right that it’s him.
He stares at you hard, his gaze locked onto your bare breasts.
“You ever seen a pair of breasts before?” You ask, staring at him.
“Only in holofilms.” He says, still staring at your breasts. You raise a brow, his eyes darting to yours as he shrugs. “It was a long year on Barton IV.”
You chuckle, taking his hands in yours before lifting them to your breasts. “You can touch me, you know.”
His hands cup around your breasts, holding them like they’re precious gems. His gaze is still locked onto them, as if he’s trying to commit them to memory. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. All he has to do is ask now that this barrier has been knocked down. You certainly won’t say no. You like the way his hands hold you, the warmth of them, the way his calloused skin drags along your own soft, sensitive skin.
His thumbs brush your nipples, a quiet gasp leaving your lips. Electricity shoots directly between your legs from the stimulation. Mayday’s eyes dart to yours for a moment before he does it again, drawing another soft gasp from your lips. He leans down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. Your hand tangles in his hair as you arch in pleasure, his tongue circling the sensitive bud. He’s so sure of himself for a man who has likely never touched a woman before. Those must have been some holofilms he was watching.
He pushes you back against the pillows, shifting himself over you. You part your legs, allowing him between them where he comes to rest almost perfectly, like he was made to fit there. Well, in a way he was. You are perfect for each other, after all.
He pulls away from your breast to move to the other, giving it the same attention. Heat is pooling between your legs, your underwear starting to get wet just from his touch, just from having him so close. It feels so vulnerable, being so bare before him, but you wouldn’t trust anyone else, even in the short time you’ve known him.
He pulls away from your breast, tilting his head up to look at you. You run your fingers through his hair, his beard tickling the skin of your stomach as he starts to slide down further between your legs. He pushes himself up onto his knees, tugging the top of his blacks over his head, revealing his chest. You’re unafraid to stare at him, taking in the lean muscle, the soft tanned skin, the marks and scars from battle.
“You’re kriffing beautiful.” You say, unabashedly staring.
“Not as beautiful as you.” He says, leaning forward to kiss you again.
His body presses against yours, skin against skin. You feel alive where he’s touching you, sensitive and perceptive to every inch of him. You can feel him, hard in his blacks where he’s resting between your legs. Your own underwear is soaked already, just at the prospect of finally having him.
“I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.” He murmurs against your lips.
“Who said I wanted you to hold back?” You say, raising a brow at him as you pull away.
He stares down at you for a long moment before he sits himself back up on his knees, his hands falling to the waistband of your pants. They slip beneath the waistband, tugging them down, your hips lifting to give him space. He tosses your pants onto the floor with the rest of your clothes, his fingers hesitating for a moment around the waistband of your underwear. He’s staring at them, and for a moment you wish you could figure out what’s going on in his head.
Finally he slips his fingers under your underwear, pulling them down your legs as well before dropping them onto the floor. He sucks in a breath as he stares at you, bare and revealed before him. His hands part your thighs, pressing them into the mattress as he stares. You don’t mind his staring, despite the faint nervous flutter of your stomach from being so exposed to him. He doesn’t seem to mind either, his hands sliding down to your inner thighs.
“Kriffing beautiful.” He murmurs, sliding himself back before laying between your legs.
“Mayday…” you say, watching him as he leans forward, licking a stripe up your slit. “Oh,” your head falls back, your body relaxing as he repeats the motion.
His mouth closes around you, lips searching, seeking until they find what they’re looking for. His lips wrap around your clit, sucking hard. Your body jolts from the sudden pleasure, finally getting some relief from the ache that’s been steadily building there. Quiet moans leave your lips as he flicks your clit with his tongue, drawing patterns on it before wrapping his lips around it again.
You’re close already, the pleasure building and building. Your legs are shaking around his head, threatening to squeeze closed around it. You don’t want to suffocate him, but from the sound of it, he wouldn’t mind. He’s groaning against your pussy, beard scraping your thighs but you don’t care. You like the rough feeling of it, the drag of it against your sensitive skin.
Your entire body trembles as you come undone, back arching off the bed as he continues to suck your clit between his lips through your orgasm. Sparks erupt behind your eyes, the desire to be closer to him burning through you. It’s not enough. You need more. You need him wholly.
You have to push him away as overstimulation burns through you, his pupils wide as they stare up at you. “I need a break.” You pant, falling limp against the bed again. “Maker, how did you learn to do that?”
“Like I said, I watched a lot of holofilms.” He shrugs.
“I guess you did.” You grin, reaching out for him.
He slots himself between your thighs again, his lower half still closed. You can feel the press of his cock through the thick fabric of his blacks, dragging against your still soaked slit. You wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him, tasting yourself on his tongue. You moan against his lips as he grinds against you, pressing your bodies closer together.
“I need you,” he groans against your lips, nearly begging. He must be feeling the connection just as strongly as you are, that desire to be complete and whole.
“Then take me,” you say, pulling back to look up at him.
Something shines in his eyes as he pauses a moment, just staring at you. You stare back just as intently, feeling the warmth blossoming through him in the Force.
Love.
Your cheeks warm as he leans back onto his knees, sliding his blacks down his legs before kicking them off rather uncoordinated. He nearly topples over the edge of the bed in his haste, catching himself before he thuds to the floor. You can’t help but giggle at him, a grin forming on his face.
“Got me so excited I can hardly contain it.” He says, kneeling himself between your legs again. His cock is hard and standing at attention between his legs, thick and long. Your mouth waters at the sight of it and the prospect of how good it’s going to feel inside of you.
“Well, don’t hurt yourself.” You say, squeezing your thighs around your hips.
“I won’t.” He says softly, running his hands up your thighs. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Your face warms at his words, your hands lowering to his to squeeze them softly. He leans over you, one hand guiding his cock to your pussy. He drags it through your folds, gathering your slick before he presses it against you, slowly easing himself into you.
You moan at the stretch, at the feeling of him finally giving you what you need, what you’ve been desiring for days. That final barrier between you is coming down, the gap in your soul finally closing now that you are complete.
He slowly rocks his hips, easing himself into you. You’re moaning already, relaxing against the bed so he can sink in as deep as possible. It’s been so long, your body so sensitive already to him. He doesn’t stop until his hips are flush with yours, his body leaning down over yours. He sinks onto his elbows above you, pressing your bodies close together. You wrap your arms around his neck, clinging to him.
“Feel so good,” he murmurs, lips brushing your cheek.
“I’ve never felt so complete before,” you breathe, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Neither have I.” He says, shifting his body just slightly. It moves his cock inside of you, your legs tensing around his waist.
“I need you to move.” You say, squeezing around him.
He groans, shifting his hips again. “Yes, ma’am.”
You grin, holding onto him as he begins to move his hips, rocking slowly back and forth. You’re pressed so close together, bodies attempting to sink into each other, to become one being. You would if you could, sink into him until there was nothing left of your own form. You are one, though, one soul, one spirit. Even in the Force you can feel edges of yourself beginning to blend into him. You can feel him more strongly, fingertips alive with energy as you touch him. He’s almost glowing in the Force, vibrant and alive.
He continues to rock against you, thrusting into you harder and harder. You’re not sure how long you’ll last, not with the way he feels inside of you after all this time. That it took you this long is a miracle. Since you met your body has been calling out for him, any touch it can possibly get, with this being the desired result of such touches. Most didn’t wait as long as you did, but it had been necessary, given the situation.
He’s grunting and moaning into your ear, arms wrapped around you. It’s like a symphony of noises in the room, your own moans mixing with his, the slap of skin against skin, the wet squelch of your pussy. Obscene, but you’ve never been more aroused before. You give little thought to the poor people in the rooms around you and just how much they can hear. This is just about you and Mayday right now.
“Feel so good,” he groans, pressing his face into your neck. “I’m so close.”
“Me too,” you breathe, that edge of pleasure getting closer and closer with every press of his hips against you.
He shifts slightly, angling his hips upward. The tip of his cock brushes that spot inside of you, your entire body shuddering at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. Your moans get louder, your body clinging tighter to Mayday.
“Just like that,” you gasp. “Don’t stop!”
He continues to thrust into you at that angle, his hips nearly brutal in their movements. He’s chasing that high as desperately as you are, needing to feel you cum around him. You’re so close, that edge rapidly approaching with every press of his hips.
Your orgasm slams into you, your body writhing against his at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. You squeeze around him, his own hips jerking as you milk his orgasm out of him. He spills into you, his body tensing for just a moment before he goes lax against you, pinning you down against the bed.
The two of you just lay there for a long moment, breathing heavily, still trembling from your orgasms. You could lay like this for the rest of the night, filled by him, whole and together.
“I could stay like this forever.” He murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw.
“Me too,” you say, kissing his shoulder. “I’ve never felt so alive.”
It’s true. Despite the exhaustion, you’ve never felt more complete, more whole, more alive than you do right now. Every inch of your body is aware of Mayday, of his own body, his own existence. One of the gaping holes in your soul has been filled, completed, sealed shut forever. There’s still the other hole, wide and open and unfulfilled, but you’ll get there. It’ll close eventually. You have faith it will.
Slowly Mayday begins to move, lifting himself up off of you. Your body groans as he slips out of you, both from the loss of him and from the soreness no doubt you’ll feel tomorrow. Mayday heads for the ‘fresher, grabbing a damp towel to clean you up, wiping his seed from between your thighs. It’s touching, that he thought to do that. You wouldn’t have cared, tired enough to leave it a problem for tomorrow.
Mayday joins you back in bed, crawling under the covers with you. He pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arm around you. You’re both sweaty but you don’t care, having crossed that bridge of being disgusted by body fluids. You’ve had him inside of you. That feeling is long gone.
“I love you,” he murmurs softly, his presence in the Force alive with warmth and affection.
It brings a smile to your face, your body relaxing into that feeling. “I love you too.”
Your eyes drift closed and for the first time in a while, you drift off into a peaceful sleep.
****
A knock at the door is what wakes you, your head jerking up. Mayday is already awake, wrapped around your body from behind. He rubs his face, sucking in a deep breath. You wipe your own eyes, groggy and feeling like you slept too long. You might have.
It’s Crosshair at the door, Mayday pulling on his blacks before answering. You’ll have to get up, freshen yourself up. A shower would be nice, but you’re not sure Crosshair would be that patient. He’s probably given you more time than he should have.
You pull on your clothes before heading to the ‘fresher to freshen up just a bit. Mayday has his armor on when you leave the ‘fresher, helmet in hand. You grab your bag, double checking your saber is in its pocket before you step out the door, meeting Crosshair in the hallway. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed, a look on his face you’ve never seen before. His presence in the Force is twisted, just as sharp as it usually is.
You try to ignore it as Mayday takes your hand, the three of you making your way out of the inn to find somewhere to have first meal before you leave the planet.
You find an open cantina, sitting down to eat quickly. You want to be off the planet before the day heats up again. You could go your entire life without feeling heat like that again.
The three of you make your way towards the ship after eating, you and Mayday walking hand in hand while Crosshair picks up the rear, something that’s become a normal formation for the three of you.
As you approach the ship, Crosshair starts to slow before he comes to a stop.
You turn to look back at him, brows furrowed. “Crosshair?” You ask softly, his gaze on the ground, brows pulled in a frown. You step closer to him, worry starting to fill you. “What is it?”
He’s staring intently on a spot in the dirt, fingers tensed around his helmet that’s tucked under his arm. “I want to do it.” He says softly, so low you almost don’t hear him.
You take another step closer, head tilted. “Do what?”
“I want to find them.” He lifts his gaze to yours, shoulders set. “My old squad. I want to find them.”
Summary: Now that you're together with your soulmates, the three of you traverse the galaxy, looking for safe places to lay low for a while. You deal with budding feelings for your soulmates, one of them willing to close that gap between you while the other keeps his distance.
Pairing: Crosshair x reader x Mayday Soulmate AU
Word Count: 8,580 words
Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut, p in v sex, oral sex, soft sex, language, kissing, slight angst, NO CLONECEST, soulmate AU, lots of feelings
A/N: Well, what was supposed to be a two part fic has turned into at least three 😂 the way this could easily be a ten part fic...anyway, mainly focused on Mayday in this one, but I promise the next will be focused on Crosshair and his stubborn ass. Hope you enjoy!
Part 1 | MASTERLIST
The days after your exodus from the planet go by smoothly, as smoothly as they can, at least. It’s an adjustment, living on a ship again. This time, though, it’s not just you. You’ve got two more bodies to account for now, two very different bodies.
The first few days require some tiptoeing, trying to figure out some kind of rhythm, some kind of flow around each other. The ship isn’t huge, meant for maybe three or four maximum. Despite that it seems even smaller with your two soulmates with you. Personal space is out of the question, except in the ‘fresher. It normally wouldn’t be a problem, except there’s nowhere for you to truly decompress, to try and process your roiling emotions. You’ve tried meditating, but ever since the purge you’ve struggled to truly clear your mind. It required a vulnerability you haven’t felt safe enough to reach.
Even with your soulmates around, you still can’t clear your head enough to truly lean into the Force. If anything, they seem to be making it worse. It’s harder to focus with that pulling in your chest, the desire deep in your bones to be near them, to touch them, hold them. You’re truly understanding why the Jedi forbade soulmates. One cannot truly live without attachment when you’ve met your soulmate.
You’d do anything to have them close to you, safe where you can see them.
If they’re struggling with it, they’re good at hiding it.
You and Mayday find the flow first after a few days of stepping on toes. You feel closer to him already, that night between the two of you bridging the gap that had been there. He’s the most open with you, willing to be close to you, closer than your forced proximity already makes you be. Often you find yourself easing him to sleep, staying with him as long as you can. You sit in the small bunk, his head resting in your lap, your hand in his resting against his chest. Sometimes you drift off there, slipping into that space between sleep and alertness you seem to hover in indefinitely when you try and sleep.
Even when it is your turn to sleep, you find yourself unable to truly rest. You haven’t slept since your return from rescuing your soulmates, but even then that had been brought on by depleting your energy, draining some of your lifeforce to bring Mayday back. You gave a piece of yourself to him in that moment, something he’ll never completely be able to understand. Not that you’ll tell him. He already feels indebted enough to you for saving his life.
You would never have held it against him, even if he hadn’t been your soulmate.
“It’s your turn.” A voice says behind you, and you turn to glance at Crosshair.
“I can stay awake longer,” you say, brows furrowing. “If you want to rest more.”
“I’m fine.” He says stiffly, waiting behind you for you to move from the pilot’s seat.
The three of you have found a rhythm of taking turns keeping watch. There’s nothing much to watch, aside from hyperspace and the occasional trip to a different lane. Every so often you can feel madness pulling at your mind if you stare for too long at the swirling blue outside the transparisteel. Still, the three of you cycle through rotations, ready in case something does happen, like the Empire waiting for you as you drop out of hyperspace.
“If you’re sure.” You say, staring up at him.
He doesn’t say anything, but you can see it in his eyes. He’s not going to argue with you. It’s his turn and there’s nothing you can do about that.
Crosshair...he’s...difficult. He’s distanced himself from you and Mayday, even in close quarters. He sticks to himself in the pilot’s seat, and goes straight to his bunk as soon as his turn is over. He rarely speaks, aside from the occasional remark when he has to give one. You can’t help but wonder if he’s always been like this, so stiff and unfriendly. Most clones you met had a disposition to be friendly once you got to know them, once you sunk below the dedication to their duty they wore with their armor.
Crosshair, though. He’s something else.
“Nothing happened while you were resting.” You say as you stand, letting him take your place. “We should move to another lane soon, while we wait to hear from Rex.”
“I’ve got it.” He says, glancing at you over his shoulder before settling into the seat.
“Right,” you say, taking a couple steps back before turning around, making your way to where Mayday sits on the floor.
“Don’t let him get to you.” Mayday says softly, handing you a ration pack as you sit next to him.
“I’m not.” You say, peeling it open. Living off rations hasn’t been ideal, but then again, nothing about your situation is ideal. What you wouldn’t give for a warm meal and a real bed.
Mayday gives you a sideways glance before looking back at his ration pack. “This orxtle stew isn’t bad, once you get used to it.”
You chuckle, taking a bite. “It’s really not. What I wouldn’t give for real food, though.” You lean your head back against the wall. “I’ll find us somewhere we can settle down for a short while soon. A real bed, a good shower. You never know how lucky you are until it’s gone.”
Mayday smiles softly. Of course, most of his life had been lived in a sterile, militaristic environment. The Republic didn’t care about the comfort of the clones and what was even more upsetting was that they were used to it. You can’t help but wonder if Mayday has ever slept in a real bed before. Surely on shore leave he must have found somewhere to stay with a good, soft bed.
The idea that he might not have has a lump forming in your throat.
They deserved so much better.
They still do.
“Come on,” Mayday says, offering you a hand once you’re both done eating.
You frown in confusion, but take his hand anyway. “What are you doing?”
“You’re going to get some rest.” he says, pulling you across the ship to the bunks. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not getting much rest.”
“Mayday,” you say softly as he climbs onto the bunk, sitting on the end like you do when you help him sleep. He puts the pillow in his lap, giving some cushion to his armor. “What are you doing?”
“I’m going to help you sleep.” He says, patting the bed.
“I didn’t know you were versed in Jedi mind tricks.” you say, climbing up onto the bed anyway.
“I wouldn’t say that I am.” He says as you lay down, resting your head in his lap. The pillow is thin, but you’re grateful for it. “But anything I can do to try and help.”
You’re not sure it will help. It probably won’t, but the idea is touching.
He takes your hand, lacing your fingers with his before resting them against your chest. “Close your eyes.” He says softly, his other hand lifting to rub your temples.
You let out a long breath, relaxing into his lap. You can feel him, the warmth of his being in the Force. Even Crosshair seems softer when he’s not paying attention. You let out a hum as Mayday starts to massage your scalp, almost as if he can ease the tension from your mind. Your eyes slip closed, Mayday’s presence and his calming touch easing your body into a relaxed state.
Your body feels heavy as you lay there, letting his touch lull you into the waiting arms of sleep.
****
You finally get your wish for a warm bed and a hot meal when Rex sends coordinates for a planet free of the Empire, at least for now. The ship has grown smaller and smaller over the last few days, and you’re in desperate need for some fresh air and dirt under your boots. In desperation you take the chance to stay somewhere for longer than just a refuel and a stock up. Even just one night with a roof over your head in a real bed, free from the drag of hyperspace and the enclosed space of the ship, will be enough.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Mayday asks, his voice crackling through his helmet. The three of you are getting glances as you walk down the path into town. Mostly curious, some hesitant. From what you could tell this planet had been untouched during the war, but with a large spaceport, no doubt they heard stories.
“Rex said it’s safe and I trust him.” You say, adjusting your bag on your shoulder. Your lightsaber is tucked safely inside, hidden just in case. You doubt you’ll need it on this planet, but you could never be too careful.
You find the inn easily, stepping inside. The air is cool and clean, free from the slight metallic tang of recycled air. It’s a small inn, but the prospect of a real bed keeps you from being too suspicious. There’s no hostility prevalent in the Force, just confusion and some uneasiness.
“We’d like a room please.” You say to the weequay behind the counter.
He eyes you and the clones behind you before nodding. “How many?”
You think on it for half a moment, thinking of the two clones behind you. “Two.” You say. One would be safer, but you want to give them their privacy. You want your privacy too, after spending over a week stuck on a ship with them.
Both of the clones behind you shift uneasily, and you can just picture the look they’re sharing.
You pay for the rooms, passing off one of the keys to Crosshair. “Let’s go.”
You’re excited at the prospect of a real shower and a real bed as they follow you down the hall. The rooms are across from each other, the three of you coming to a stop in the hallway. Mayday and Crosshair share a look as you use one of the keys to open the room.
Mayday slips past you before you can enter, doing a sweep of the room before coming back out. “It’s safe.” He says, glancing down at you.
You pass off the spare key to him. “Just in case.”
Mayday takes it, nodding. “Enjoy yourself.”
“I’ll knock around third meal time.” You say. “I figure we’ll go out to eat. Get something warm in our stomachs.”
They nod and you close the door, leaning against it for a moment. It feels odd, being alone. The room almost seems too big without their presence constantly surrounding you. For a moment you wish you had just gotten one room, but at the same time, you know they’ll want their own privacy as well. They’ve been stuck with you too, and no doubt they want a break from your presence as well.
You drop your bag on the bed, pulling off your poncho. You need a shower, a good long shower. You take your comm to the fresher just in case, setting it on the small counter. It’s a small fresher, but it has a real shower with running water. That’s all you can ask for after days of nothing but a sonic. You love your ship, but she’s not exactly ideal for long-term travel.
Another reason to look for somewhere more permanent.
You take a long shower, soaking yourself as long as you can stand, scrubbing every inch of your body until your skin hurts. You need this break, this moment to re-calibrate, to rest, to clear your head. Being in close quarters with your soulmates has been distracting, even if just one of them was seeking that kind of connection with you. Crosshair’s distance has intensified that ache in your chest, but you’ve been shoving it aside, focusing on that blossoming warmth coming from Mayday.
You can still feel his fingers gently massaging your scalp, the warmth of him surrounding you as he held you while you slept. You did actually sleep, managing to slip below that haze of half-awareness you existed in. You still hold him when he sleeps. It seemed to help fight away that anxiety, the dread that settles into him when it comes time for him to rest. That’s something you didn’t think about in this arrangement. He’s not going to be able to sleep alone in that room.
Maybe you should have just gone with one room.
You change into clean clothes after your shower, laying yourself out on the bed. It’s a bit lumpy, but it feels like heaven after the stiff mattresses in the bunks of your ship. You could fall asleep right here like this, splayed out on top of the bed.
You don’t, though, far too aware to drift off to sleep. Instead you simply lay there, eyes closed as you try to focus on the Force. It swirls around you, seeping into your mind, easing your thoughts to a quiet hum. You focus on Mayday and Crosshair, on their beings, the life that exudes from them. There’s a tingling at the base of your skull, a feeling almost like giddiness filling you as you think on them.
They’re your soulmates.
The two beings your soul was meant to find, to have. None of you would be complete without the other. Even Crosshair and Mayday would have a more profound bond than they would with others because of their shared link with you. Perhaps that’s what drove Crosshair to kill their superior officer. Mayday nearly died because the Empire shared the same view as the Republic. The clones were hardly more than tools, useful only as bodies to fill a gap. Even now they were being phased out, disappearing more and more each day.
You saved them from that same treatment. You brought Mayday back from the brink of death, and you saved Crosshair from being another clone that disappeared, or worse. What would they have done to him? The thought has nausea churning in your stomach, nerves prickling under your skin. How easily you could have lost both of them. A few more moments and they would have been gone forever.
You push the thoughts aside, anxiety blooming under your skin. You crack your eyes open, sitting up on the bed. The sky is starting to darken, the chronometer on the bedside table telling you it’s nearly time for third meal. There’s a cantina across the street, a good place to look for hot food. Anything will be better than rations, you think.
You push yourself off the bed, grabbing your bag and throwing on your poncho before leaving the room to get your soulmates.
****
It’s late.
Something moves inside your room, shifting in the dark. You’re awake almost instantly, reaching out in the Force for whatever malice you might feel, whatever agent has made the mistake of creeping into your room in the dead of night. You sit up in bed, flicking on the light, lightsaber hilt in hand. You’re ready for a fight, even with the groginess of sleep still tugging at your mind.
“Mayday?” You ask quietly, brows furrowing as you blink away the sting of the lamp’s light from your eyes.
He’s standing at the end of your bed, looking rather sheepish. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s okay.” You say, setting your saber hilt back on the bedside table. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I couldn’t sleep.” He says, shifting on his feet. He’s still wearing his armor, helmet in hand.
Of course. You had been right in your assumption he wouldn’t be able to sleep without you. Of course you’ll help him again, but you feel bad about poor Crosshair being left alone. He might prefer it, though, getting a break from you and Mayday.
You try not to let that bother you.
You sit up straighter in bed, resting your back against the headboard. “Come here.”
“I, uh, had something different in mind tonight.” He says, shifting on his feet.
“Okay.” You say softly, watching him.
He hesitates for just a second before he moves to the side of the bed, stripping off his armor piece by piece before climbing under the covers. It takes you by surprise as he shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around you. He’s hesitant, moving slowly, waiting for you to stop him, to say no. You’re curious about what he has in mind, letting him shift your body so you’re laying further on the bed. The length of his body presses against your side, his head coming to rest on your stomach. Your heart is thumping hard in your chest, your body tingling from how close he is. This feels far more intense, far more...intimate.
His arm wraps around your body, hand pressing against your side. “Thought this might be more comfortable for you.”
It is, at least it will be more comfortable than trying to sleep sitting up. You doubt you’ll be able to sleep though, not with your thoughts reeling from having him so close. He feels so warm, like a heated blanket pressed against you. You feel alive, every nerve ending alight where he’s touching you.
You rest a hand on his head, stroking his soft hair. He lets out a sigh, gripping you tighter, his fingers flexing against your side. “I like this.” He murmurs, his breath warm through your thin shirt.
“I do too,” you admit, resting your hand against the side of his head. “It feels nice.”
He hums as you start to ease his thoughts, pulling him into the waiting arms of sleep. His body grows heavy against yours as he relaxes, his breaths slow and even.
You’re far too awake to sleep, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. You’ve had him this close before, but it’s never felt quite like this. You can feel another gap being closed, a bridge being built between the two of you in this moment. You drape an arm over him, leaning back against the pillows. He’s so warm and his weight is so comforting, grounding you in the moment. Slowly your eyes begin to droop, growing heavy as sleep waits to take you into her waiting arms.
****
You’re not sure what time it is when you wake. The curtains over the window are blocking out the sun, but there’s a dim light in the room. It’s warm in the bed, a gentle, slow thumping echoing in your ear. You shift your head, cracking your eyes open.
Oh.
You’ve moved in the night, Mayday on his back now against the pillows. You’re laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around you. An excited thrill runs down your spine at the prospect of being held by him, of being wrapped in his arms. He’s awake, you can tell by the gentle brush of his thumb on the back of your arm. Not only did he wake to find you like this, but he’s willingly stayed like this since. Your heart starts to pound hard in your chest, warmth flowing through you.
“Mayday?” You say quietly, shifting just slightly against him.
His thumb stills, his body tensing just in the slightest. “Yes?” His voice is equally as soft.
“How long have we been like this?”
“Since I woke up.” He says softly. “I didn’t want to move and wake you.”
“I don’t mind.” You say quietly. “If you’re uncomfortable…”
“I’m not.” He says quickly, holding you just slightly tighter than he was. “I...I think this is quite nice, actually.”
You hum, listening to the steady thump of his heart beneath your ear. It’s picked up speed just slightly. That fact has a smile tugging at your lips. “I think it’s nice too.” you say. “Comfortable.”
He swallows thickly, his heart picking up speed just a bit more. You tilt your head up, cheek brushing against the rough fabric of his blacks. He’s staring down at you, something unreadable in his gaze. He’s nervous, you can feel that through the Force. His hand flattens against your back, warm through your thin tunic.
“Mayday?” you whisper, gaze locked with his.
“If I wanted to kiss you, would you mind?” He asks.
You shake your head. “I wouldn’t mind.”
You lean forward, your gaze dropping to his lips. His hand raises, cupping your cheek tenderly, pulling you the rest of the way down. Your lips brush his softly, almost hesitantly. Your own heart is thudding hard in your chest, excitement and nerves fluttering under your skin. You haven’t been this close to another person in a long time.
His lips press firmer against yours, his fingers sinking into your hair, holding you in place. You hum against his lips, tilting your head as he deepens the kiss. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before, your very nerves alight with energy. You feel closer to him, closer than you are just physically, like a piece of your soul has been put back into place. A piece you hadn’t known was missing. It leaves you feeling full and warm and so alive.
Mayday shifts, rolling over so you’re on your back in bed, his body hovering over yours. His hand slides from your hair to your cheek, cradling your face as he pulls back. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him down closer to you. You’re breathing the same air, close enough you can feel it fanning your lips.
“I liked that.” You say softly, staring up into those big brown eyes.
“So did I.” He says, his gaze intense.
There’s a moment of silence between the two of you, lost in each others’ eyes. The hole in your chest is slowly closing, something filling that gap in your soul you hadn’t realized was there. It’ll never completely close, not until Crosshair opens himself up to you, but for now you’ll take this lessening of the ache that’s filled you since the day you rescued them.
Mayday leans down again, closing that space between you as he kisses you once more. His body is pressed against yours, heavy weight settled against you. It’s grounding, a firm reminder that he’s really here, that he’s really with you, that this is really real.
A knock on the door has you both pulling away from each other, your face warming. It’s likely Crosshair waiting for the two of you to find somewhere to have first meal. You wonder how long he’s been waiting, how much time he gave you before he grew tired.
Mayday rolls from on top of you, sitting up on the edge of the bed. You do the same on the other side, straightening yourself up a bit before heading for the door. You’re right, it is Crosshair on the other side, his gaze sharp and assessing. Of course he’s assuming. He woke up to find Mayday gone and there would be only one place he’d go. That doesn’t stop the warmth from blossoming across your face as you stare up at him.
“Morning, Crosshair.” You say, clearing your throat. “We’ll be out in a minute.”
He doesn’t say anything, just nods once before you close the door again. You bury your face in your hands, your face burning. You shouldn’t feel ashamed, yet embarrassment at the awkwardness that had just ensued rushes through you. The things he probably thought went on in this room last night.
You take a moment to calm down, sprucing yourself up in the ‘fresher as Mayday dons his armor again. You pack your bag, slipping your saber in the pocket before the two of you step out, Mayday’s hand slipping into yours. You squeeze your fingers around his hand, giving him a smile before the three of you make your way down the hallway.
****
The ship feels even smaller now that this development has grown between you and Mayday. You’re back in space again, jumping from one hyperspace lane to the next, looking for your next safe place to lay low for a few days. You wish you could have stayed on that planet longer, but it wasn’t safe. Not with the Empire rapidly expanding its occupations. Nowhere was truly safe, except perhaps some backwater planets with no spaceports.
Those were always an option.
A last ditch option, but they were still on the list.
“You’re not sleeping again.” Mayday says as the two of you sit side by side eating what you suppose is second meal. You haven’t been sleeping much, that’s true. You’ve been too busy thinking up plans, where to go, what to do if the Empire finds you. You’ve already resigned to the thought that you’d sacrifice yourself for your soulmates. You’d give them a fighting chance to get away, even if it meant your death. It’s not fair, but it’s what you’d do.
You won’t tell them that though. Not unless the time came for it.
You hope it never will.
You shrug your shoulders, brushing up against him. “Just haven’t been able to calm my mind.” You admit it, not wanting to keep too many things from him.
He hums, staring at you. “You worry too much.”
“It’s in my nature.” You say, turning to gaze back at him. “I worry about you and Crosshair, about what might happen should the Empire find us.”
“We’re being careful.” He says, reaching out to brush the back of your hand with his gloved fingers. “Any sight of them and we know what we have to do.” Run for our lives.
“I just wish we could find somewhere permanent.” You say quietly, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Stop having to run and hide. Somewhere we know will be safe.”
He leans his head on top of yours, sighing softly. “That would be nice. But something tells me we won’t be so lucky.”
You hum in agreement, pulling away to eat the rest of your meal. You grab another packet of food, making your way to the front of the ship to give Crosshair some reprieve.
“Here,” you say, holding out the packet to him. “You should get some rest.”
He glances up at you before taking it. “I’m fine.”
You sink into the co-pilot’s seat, turning it so you’re facing him. “You know you don’t have to be so distant.” You fold your legs under you. “I don’t bite...unless you want me to.”
His sharp gaze deepens into a glare at your joke, but you don’t back down. You continue to stare at him softly, trying to break through that razor sharp barrier between the two of you. His hesitation, his fear, his insecurity. You can feel it all in the Force, the inner turmoil he feels every day. It would lessen if he would just let go, if he just gave in. You could help him carry that guilt that brews under the surface. You want to pick at it, break that ice bit by bit until he’s open to you. You won’t, though. You’ll respect that boundary.
“Seriously, though, you should go rest.” You say softly, continuing to stare at him.
“Are you going to sit here until I do?” He asks.
You nod. “Yes.”
He stares at you for a long moment before his shoulders drop just slightly with a sigh. He rises from the pilot’s seat, making his way back into the back of the ship. You watch him go before turning back to the flashing blue of hyperspace with a victorious grin. At least you got him to rest.
****
The next planet you land on is hot. Dry air whips around you as soon as the ramp has lowered, the suns high in the sky.
“I hate this already.” Mayday says, voice crackling through his helmet.
“Let’s just hope they have air conditioning indoors.” You say, squinting in the bright light of the suns as you make your way towards the town. There’s not many out and about, and you can see why. The heat has beads of sweat trailing down your spine. You can only imagine how hot it is under that armor.
You find the nearest inn, and mercifully the air inside is cool. You brush the sweat from your forehead as you approach the front desk, getting hesitant looks again, no doubt thanks to the two clones behind you. They’ve taken off their helmets, likely to seem less threatening.
You get two rooms again, the boys heading off to one while you take the other. It’s a small room, but it’s got a real bed and a real ‘fresher so you can’t complain. It’s becoming routine, showering as soon as you get in before dropping onto the mattress to lay down and relax for a while.
You should think about food, but you can’t quite bring yourself to get up yet, enjoying the feeling of your body sinking into the mattress. It’s so nice after days on your ship, sleeping on hard mats in the bunks. You could get used to this, but that’s a dangerous thought process to have right now. The more you get used to it, the harder it’ll be to leave, the harder it’ll be to want to stay safe.
Safety is your main concern right now, and it needs to stay that way.
You sigh before rising from the bed, tucking your lightsaber into your bag again before exiting the room, knocking on the door across the hall to get the boys for second meal.
****
It’s not even dark yet when the knock sounds at the door. Your brows pull into a frown and you reach out in the Force, the frown falling at the familiar warm signature on the other side. You open the door, peeking out to find Mayday waiting there.
“Mayday?” You ask, opening the door a bit wider.
“He sent me over here.” He says. “Knew I’d be coming anyway.”
You nod slowly, opening the door wider to let him through. He steps into the room, heading for the bed. You close and lock the door behind him, ensuring it’s properly closed before turning back to him, joining him near the bed.
“I worry about him being alone.” You say, moving to the other side of the bed before sinking down onto the mattress.
“I think he prefers it.” Mayday says, starting to remove his armor. “He’s a solitary creature.”
“Still.” You frown, glancing towards the door. “I hate that he’s all by himself.”
“He’s doing it to himself.” Mayday says, sinking down on the other side of the bed. “It would be easier if he just gave in.”
“I know.” You sigh. “He won’t though. Not until he works through whatever it is going on in his head. I wish he’d share, but...he’s so closed off. I just want to help him.”
“He’ll warm up to you eventually.” Mayday says, sounding so sure of himself. “I’m just worried about what it might take to make that happen.”
“He warmed up to you, it sounds like.” You say, glancing at him.
“Yeah, after we almost died. Literally.” His brows furrow, that dark look coming back into his gaze.
You reach out to him, taking his hand, pulling him closer. He sprawls out on the bed, letting you maneuver him so his head is in your lap. “Don’t think about that.” You say, running your fingers over his face. “You’re still alive and breathing.”
“You remind me of that.” He says softly, his fingers brushing your cheek. “Every time I’m close to you I’m reminded of what you did for me.”
You smile softly, your thumb brushing his lips. “I’d do it again, too.”
He pushes himself up to sit, leaning his body over yours. You stare up at him, into those captivating brown eyes. He doesn’t ask this time as he leans down, pressing his lips to yours. You kiss him back, your hand lifting to cup the back of his head, fingers sinking into his hair. His beard tickles you as he kisses you deeply, tilting his head as he pushes you back against the pillows.
His body is warm as it presses into yours, your hands sliding down his neck to his broad shoulders. He continues to kiss you, his tongue pressing against your lips. You open to him, pulling him down closer against your body. His arms wrap around your waist, holding you as he kisses you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Your entire body is alive with energy, electricity flowing through your veins from how close he is to you. You’ve never felt quite so alive, quite so complete as you do right now. The hole in your chest has been filled by Mayday and his proximity, his touch, his kisses. He’s giving you what you’ve been yearning for since the day you saved him.
He pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours as he breathes deeply. You’re breathing heavily as well, breath stolen by his sweet kisses. “I don’t want to stop.” He breathes, breath brushing your face.
“Then don’t.” You say, opening your eyes to stare up at him.
He meets your gaze, something unspoken passing through the two of you. There’s a finality to what you’re about to do. There’s no going back once it’s been done, once that bond has been completely built. You’ll become one, never to be parted again.
You wouldn’t wish for anything else.
Mayday leans back down, pressing his lips to yours again. He shifts slightly as he kisses you deeply, his bare hand slipping under the hem of your thin tunic to press against the skin of your stomach. His hand is so warm, calloused from years of training and handling weapons.
His beard brushes your skin as his lips trail down your jaw, your head tilting back to give him space as he continues that path down to your neck. Your entire body is alive and sensitive to his touch, goosebumps forming on your skin. Your hand tangles in his hair as his hand slides higher, blazing a path up your side until he reaches your breastband. His fingers tease the edge of the fabric, dipping underneath for a moment.
You push on his shoulders, his entire body moving back as you sit up. You tug your tunic over your head, tossing it onto the floor. Goosebumps erupt across your skin as he stares at you, his eyes focused and assessing every inch of skin revealed to him, every mark and scar visible in the low lamp light. His hand lifts, fingers brushing a nasty looking mark on the side of your shoulder.
“Ventress.” You explain.
“You fought her?” He asks, eyes darting up to you as his fingers continue to brush the raised skin.
“We had run-ins a couple times.” You say, shrugging. “Nothing I couldn’t handle.” His brow furrows as he stares at the mark, at what it means, what it could have meant. “Could have been worse.” You say, turning his face back to yours. “We all have our scars.”
He hums low in his chest, his hand sliding down your arm.
You let out a breath for a moment before lifting your hands to your breastband, pulling it up over your head. Your nipples pebble in the cool air of the room, your body suddenly very exposed to him. It feels strange, being so naked in front of someone after so long, but at the same time, it feels right that it’s him.
He stares at you hard, his gaze locked onto your bare breasts.
“You ever seen a pair of breasts before?” You ask, staring at him.
“Only in holofilms.” He says, still staring at your breasts. You raise a brow, his eyes darting to yours as he shrugs. “It was a long year on Barton IV.”
You chuckle, taking his hands in yours before lifting them to your breasts. “You can touch me, you know.”
His hands cup around your breasts, holding them like they’re precious gems. His gaze is still locked onto them, as if he’s trying to commit them to memory. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. All he has to do is ask now that this barrier has been knocked down. You certainly won’t say no. You like the way his hands hold you, the warmth of them, the way his calloused skin drags along your own soft, sensitive skin.
His thumbs brush your nipples, a quiet gasp leaving your lips. Electricity shoots directly between your legs from the stimulation. Mayday’s eyes dart to yours for a moment before he does it again, drawing another soft gasp from your lips. He leans down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth. Your hand tangles in his hair as you arch in pleasure, his tongue circling the sensitive bud. He’s so sure of himself for a man who has likely never touched a woman before. Those must have been some holofilms he was watching.
He pushes you back against the pillows, shifting himself over you. You part your legs, allowing him between them where he comes to rest almost perfectly, like he was made to fit there. Well, in a way he was. You are perfect for each other, after all.
He pulls away from your breast to move to the other, giving it the same attention. Heat is pooling between your legs, your underwear starting to get wet just from his touch, just from having him so close. It feels so vulnerable, being so bare before him, but you wouldn’t trust anyone else, even in the short time you’ve known him.
He pulls away from your breast, tilting his head up to look at you. You run your fingers through his hair, his beard tickling the skin of your stomach as he starts to slide down further between your legs. He pushes himself up onto his knees, tugging the top of his blacks over his head, revealing his chest. You’re unafraid to stare at him, taking in the lean muscle, the soft tanned skin, the marks and scars from battle.
“You’re kriffing beautiful.” You say, unabashedly staring.
“Not as beautiful as you.” He says, leaning forward to kiss you again.
His body presses against yours, skin against skin. You feel alive where he’s touching you, sensitive and perceptive to every inch of him. You can feel him, hard in his blacks where he’s resting between your legs. Your own underwear is soaked already, just at the prospect of finally having him.
“I don’t know how much longer I can hold back.” He murmurs against your lips.
“Who said I wanted you to hold back?” You say, raising a brow at him as you pull away.
He stares down at you for a long moment before he sits himself back up on his knees, his hands falling to the waistband of your pants. They slip beneath the waistband, tugging them down, your hips lifting to give him space. He tosses your pants onto the floor with the rest of your clothes, his fingers hesitating for a moment around the waistband of your underwear. He’s staring at them, and for a moment you wish you could figure out what’s going on in his head.
Finally he slips his fingers under your underwear, pulling them down your legs as well before dropping them onto the floor. He sucks in a breath as he stares at you, bare and revealed before him. His hands part your thighs, pressing them into the mattress as he stares. You don’t mind his staring, despite the faint nervous flutter of your stomach from being so exposed to him. He doesn’t seem to mind either, his hands sliding down to your inner thighs.
“Kriffing beautiful.” He murmurs, sliding himself back before laying between your legs.
“Mayday…” you say, watching him as he leans forward, licking a stripe up your slit. “Oh,” your head falls back, your body relaxing as he repeats the motion.
His mouth closes around you, lips searching, seeking until they find what they’re looking for. His lips wrap around your clit, sucking hard. Your body jolts from the sudden pleasure, finally getting some relief from the ache that’s been steadily building there. Quiet moans leave your lips as he flicks your clit with his tongue, drawing patterns on it before wrapping his lips around it again.
You’re close already, the pleasure building and building. Your legs are shaking around his head, threatening to squeeze closed around it. You don’t want to suffocate him, but from the sound of it, he wouldn’t mind. He’s groaning against your pussy, beard scraping your thighs but you don’t care. You like the rough feeling of it, the drag of it against your sensitive skin.
Your entire body trembles as you come undone, back arching off the bed as he continues to suck your clit between his lips through your orgasm. Sparks erupt behind your eyes, the desire to be closer to him burning through you. It’s not enough. You need more. You need him wholly.
You have to push him away as overstimulation burns through you, his pupils wide as they stare up at you. “I need a break.” You pant, falling limp against the bed again. “Maker, how did you learn to do that?”
“Like I said, I watched a lot of holofilms.” He shrugs.
“I guess you did.” You grin, reaching out for him.
He slots himself between your thighs again, his lower half still closed. You can feel the press of his cock through the thick fabric of his blacks, dragging against your still soaked slit. You wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him, tasting yourself on his tongue. You moan against his lips as he grinds against you, pressing your bodies closer together.
“I need you,” he groans against your lips, nearly begging. He must be feeling the connection just as strongly as you are, that desire to be complete and whole.
“Then take me,” you say, pulling back to look up at him.
Something shines in his eyes as he pauses a moment, just staring at you. You stare back just as intently, feeling the warmth blossoming through him in the Force.
Love.
Your cheeks warm as he leans back onto his knees, sliding his blacks down his legs before kicking them off rather uncoordinated. He nearly topples over the edge of the bed in his haste, catching himself before he thuds to the floor. You can’t help but giggle at him, a grin forming on his face.
“Got me so excited I can hardly contain it.” He says, kneeling himself between your legs again. His cock is hard and standing at attention between his legs, thick and long. Your mouth waters at the sight of it and the prospect of how good it’s going to feel inside of you.
“Well, don’t hurt yourself.” You say, squeezing your thighs around your hips.
“I won’t.” He says softly, running his hands up your thighs. “Wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Your face warms at his words, your hands lowering to his to squeeze them softly. He leans over you, one hand guiding his cock to your pussy. He drags it through your folds, gathering your slick before he presses it against you, slowly easing himself into you.
You moan at the stretch, at the feeling of him finally giving you what you need, what you’ve been desiring for days. That final barrier between you is coming down, the gap in your soul finally closing now that you are complete.
He slowly rocks his hips, easing himself into you. You’re moaning already, relaxing against the bed so he can sink in as deep as possible. It’s been so long, your body so sensitive already to him. He doesn’t stop until his hips are flush with yours, his body leaning down over yours. He sinks onto his elbows above you, pressing your bodies close together. You wrap your arms around his neck, clinging to him.
“Feel so good,” he murmurs, lips brushing your cheek.
“I’ve never felt so complete before,” you breathe, pressing a kiss to his lips.
“Neither have I.” He says, shifting his body just slightly. It moves his cock inside of you, your legs tensing around his waist.
“I need you to move.” You say, squeezing around him.
He groans, shifting his hips again. “Yes, ma’am.”
You grin, holding onto him as he begins to move his hips, rocking slowly back and forth. You’re pressed so close together, bodies attempting to sink into each other, to become one being. You would if you could, sink into him until there was nothing left of your own form. You are one, though, one soul, one spirit. Even in the Force you can feel edges of yourself beginning to blend into him. You can feel him more strongly, fingertips alive with energy as you touch him. He’s almost glowing in the Force, vibrant and alive.
He continues to rock against you, thrusting into you harder and harder. You’re not sure how long you’ll last, not with the way he feels inside of you after all this time. That it took you this long is a miracle. Since you met your body has been calling out for him, any touch it can possibly get, with this being the desired result of such touches. Most didn’t wait as long as you did, but it had been necessary, given the situation.
He’s grunting and moaning into your ear, arms wrapped around you. It’s like a symphony of noises in the room, your own moans mixing with his, the slap of skin against skin, the wet squelch of your pussy. Obscene, but you’ve never been more aroused before. You give little thought to the poor people in the rooms around you and just how much they can hear. This is just about you and Mayday right now.
“Feel so good,” he groans, pressing his face into your neck. “I’m so close.”
“Me too,” you breathe, that edge of pleasure getting closer and closer with every press of his hips against you.
He shifts slightly, angling his hips upward. The tip of his cock brushes that spot inside of you, your entire body shuddering at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. Your moans get louder, your body clinging tighter to Mayday.
“Just like that,” you gasp. “Don’t stop!”
He continues to thrust into you at that angle, his hips nearly brutal in their movements. He’s chasing that high as desperately as you are, needing to feel you cum around him. You’re so close, that edge rapidly approaching with every press of his hips.
Your orgasm slams into you, your body writhing against his at the sudden onslaught of pleasure. You squeeze around him, his own hips jerking as you milk his orgasm out of him. He spills into you, his body tensing for just a moment before he goes lax against you, pinning you down against the bed.
The two of you just lay there for a long moment, breathing heavily, still trembling from your orgasms. You could lay like this for the rest of the night, filled by him, whole and together.
“I could stay like this forever.” He murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your jaw.
“Me too,” you say, kissing his shoulder. “I’ve never felt so alive.”
It’s true. Despite the exhaustion, you’ve never felt more complete, more whole, more alive than you do right now. Every inch of your body is aware of Mayday, of his own body, his own existence. One of the gaping holes in your soul has been filled, completed, sealed shut forever. There’s still the other hole, wide and open and unfulfilled, but you’ll get there. It’ll close eventually. You have faith it will.
Slowly Mayday begins to move, lifting himself up off of you. Your body groans as he slips out of you, both from the loss of him and from the soreness no doubt you’ll feel tomorrow. Mayday heads for the ‘fresher, grabbing a damp towel to clean you up, wiping his seed from between your thighs. It’s touching, that he thought to do that. You wouldn’t have cared, tired enough to leave it a problem for tomorrow.
Mayday joins you back in bed, crawling under the covers with you. He pulls you against his chest, wrapping his arm around you. You’re both sweaty but you don’t care, having crossed that bridge of being disgusted by body fluids. You’ve had him inside of you. That feeling is long gone.
“I love you,” he murmurs softly, his presence in the Force alive with warmth and affection.
It brings a smile to your face, your body relaxing into that feeling. “I love you too.”
Your eyes drift closed and for the first time in a while, you drift off into a peaceful sleep.
****
A knock at the door is what wakes you, your head jerking up. Mayday is already awake, wrapped around your body from behind. He rubs his face, sucking in a deep breath. You wipe your own eyes, groggy and feeling like you slept too long. You might have.
It’s Crosshair at the door, Mayday pulling on his blacks before answering. You’ll have to get up, freshen yourself up. A shower would be nice, but you’re not sure Crosshair would be that patient. He’s probably given you more time than he should have.
You pull on your clothes before heading to the ‘fresher to freshen up just a bit. Mayday has his armor on when you leave the ‘fresher, helmet in hand. You grab your bag, double checking your saber is in its pocket before you step out the door, meeting Crosshair in the hallway. He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed, a look on his face you’ve never seen before. His presence in the Force is twisted, just as sharp as it usually is.
You try to ignore it as Mayday takes your hand, the three of you making your way out of the inn to find somewhere to have first meal before you leave the planet.
You find an open cantina, sitting down to eat quickly. You want to be off the planet before the day heats up again. You could go your entire life without feeling heat like that again.
The three of you make your way towards the ship after eating, you and Mayday walking hand in hand while Crosshair picks up the rear, something that’s become a normal formation for the three of you.
As you approach the ship, Crosshair starts to slow before he comes to a stop.
You turn to look back at him, brows furrowed. “Crosshair?” You ask softly, his gaze on the ground, brows pulled in a frown. You step closer to him, worry starting to fill you. “What is it?”
He’s staring intently on a spot in the dirt, fingers tensed around his helmet that’s tucked under his arm. “I want to do it.” He says softly, so low you almost don’t hear him.
You take another step closer, head tilted. “Do what?”
“I want to find them.” He lifts his gaze to yours, shoulders set. “My old squad. I want to find them.”
