Jaehyun remembered their last night together. It was the night where Jaehyun decided to forego his rough side. A change of pace from their usual dynamic. The vampire knew about the hardships the gumiho had experienced before. J didn’t explicitly say it but Jae was smart enough to piece the clues together. If J hadn’t gotten to them first, he sure would have loved to rip off their limbs and drain all the blood from their system. That night, Jae wanted to show the other how he was supposed to be treated all the damn time. What the vampire didn’t know was that it would also be the last time he would ever be close to J. After the gumiho kicked him out, J avoided him like the plague. No greetings, no smiles, no cuddles, no arctic fox who leaps into his arms, nothing. It was like in Jaehyun didn’t exist in J’s life anymore.
The pureblood gave the other a reassuring smile. He didn’t know what was the reason and frankly, Jae doesn’t know if he had prepared himself enough for this goodbye. If this was a closure then he would take it. He would be happy that once he had a friend like J in his life. As long as J is safe and happy, if he could stay far away from Azzazith as possible, Jaehyun would take that.
The vampire automatically nuzzled his face into J’s palm as if he was a child who missed the warmth of the sun. He opened his lips to say that he didn’t need to apologize, there was no need for it. However, the next words J uttered left Jaehyun speechless. J was in love with him. He couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around the idea of it all. How could J love someone like him? Heck, he doesn’t even know why Kiha chose to love him and now, there’s J. The pureblood doesn’t deserve any of it.
Reaching out, Jaehyun took the gumiho’s hands in his again. He raised one hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the back of J’s hand. All this time, J was suffering because of him and he was oblivious to it all. His hunch was right. It is his fault. Jae hated himself for hurting the other and leaving him to deal with a broken heart. Jaehyun looked into J’s watery eyes and his fingers moved to wipe away the tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry J. I…I didn’t know that I was hurting you. I-”
The vampire was at a loss for words.
He scooted closer to J and cupped his face into his hands. “We’re all a little fucked up, little moon. I don’t understand how you could love someone like me but you deserve the whole world, J,” Jae chuckled somberly as his fingers gently caressed J’s cheeks. “If only I had noticed it, I would have prevented all of the pain I caused you.” Jaehyun thought back to all of the moments he cried to J about Kiha. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have not noticed it? “I was so inconsiderate. I ran to you whenever things with Kiha didn’t seem so good.” With shameful eyes, he looked at J once again and gave him a sad smile. “J, I hurt you so fucking bad, haven’t I? I’m sorry, moon.” Jae leant his forehead against the gumiho’s as tears fell from his eyes as well.
J still allowed the tears to fall, because now, it was out there. There was no more hiding the fact of why he was avoiding Jaehyun and Kiha. It was weight off his chest, however, and he appreciated the moment that Jae took his hands. He needed the comfort. Needed Jae to understand-- and he did. J was so, so grateful, and he was grateful that the other understood he was hurting him throughout the whole time. Hell, right now, J was hurting. Because he knew nothing would become of this confession. The two were on different tracks, Jae in love with another, and J... well, he still didn’t want a relationship despite his feelings.
The gumiho took a deep breath, closing his eyes as the other rested their foreheads together. He shook his head finally, opening his eyes to look into Jae’s. “It’s okay,” he breathed softly, resting a hand to his cheek. “I didn’t really know why I was hurting, until our last night,” he admitted softly, bringing a thumb up to rest against Jae’s lips. He continued to look, blinking away the tears that settled into his vision. “You treated me so kindly and in a way nobody else has ever treated me...” He closed his eyes again, taking another deep breath. “How was I suppose to not fall in love with you?”
After a moment, J pulled back, biting his lip. He didn’t know what else to say. What else to do. He kept his eyes close, just processing everything. His chest ached, his head hurt, and ultimately, he just wanted to curl up and cry some more. It really wasn’t something he cared to deal with, but here he was. Jae and Kiha deserved answers, after all. They were too good of friends to J. His eyes went back to the vampire. “I love you, Jae,” he whispered softly into the dark apartment’s air, feeling more tears begin to fall as the words settled into his bones. “I’ve missed you. And Kiha. I’ve missed you both so much these past months, but I didn’t want to get between you guys. I was hoping the feelings would fade, but looking at you now...” he felt more tears beginning to dwell. “I still fucking love you.”