manestjerne

[manestjerne]

Masterlist

SOA

Juice Oritz

Let me save you

Let me save you pt. II

Let me save you pt. III

Let me save you pt. IV

Let me save you pt. V

Let me save you pt. VI

MCU

Bucky Barnes

I'll do that again for you - oneshot

Reverie series pt.1 - Through the glass

[manestjerne]

Reverie pt.1

Through the glass

Pairing: Bucky barnes x OC

Summary: Jas is jolted from her routine when a wounded soldier breaks into her apartment. Fear grips her, but instinct takes over—she helps him. Silent and unreadable, he vanishes as quickly as he appeared, leaving behind only blood-stained tiles and unanswered questions abut him and their possible connections.

Word count: 2,8k

Warnings: angst, blood, injuries, trauma, anxiety

A/N: Hi pookies, I was gone for a while but I've already written a few chapters for this one and I'm trying to stay consistent from now on. Also while you're still here I'd like to invite you to see my Wattpad profile (@vinmane) since it's somehow easier to cooperate for now. Have a nice read, love ya all

I was sitting in my spacious apartment, legs sprawled across the chair in front of me as I studied the text on my laptop screen. The article was good, but was it enough? I started reading it again, probably for the hundredth time, looking for any mistakes, any small details I could improve. There was always something that could be made better, nothing was perfect, right? Suddenly, I felt a jolt of pain coursing through my body, pulling me out of my trance. I looked down at my finger, a single drop of blood dripping onto my already dirty sweater.

Why the hell do I keep doing that?

I muttered to myself, getting up and walking to the sink. Slowly, I reached for a glass, filling it with tap water and taking a sip to wash away the nasty taste of blood from my tongue. I extended my arm in front of me, looking at my own fingers. My nails hadn't had time to grow back, and I unconsciously started nibbling on the flesh around them again, leaving my hand looking far from pretty.

Disgusting.

I thought to myself before opening the fridge and scanning the empty shelves. I'd promised myself to get some groceries as soon as I finished the article. But the article hadn't been touched since the day before. I just kept rereading the same lines over and over, searching for mistakes that weren't there. Deep down, I knew it was fine. It was enough. I was just too scared to send it to the publisher.

I was about to close the fridge and return to the table when a loud noise pulled me back to reality. I was alone, I knew that. The doors were locked. Damn, I hadn't even turned the lights on yet, walking around with my lock screen as a flashlight. And then it hit me. Glass. It was breaking glass.

There were two options. Maybe some kids had broken the window—drunk teenagers having their fun after a night out. I glanced at the clock. 2am. I froze, too scared to even close the fridge, unsure if I was really alone. What if someone had broken in? Had I turned on the lights the night before? Probably not. And I hadn't picked up the mail from my front mat either, a perfect signal for burglars—the place was empty.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I mouthed to myself as I slowly closed the fridge door, terrified that the dim light would lead the source of noise to me. I stood there for a moment, not sure if it had been seconds or minutes, but I knew one thing. I hadn't heard any footsteps. Besides the glass breaking, the apartment had been eerily quiet. If they were burglars, I could scare them away, right? Maybe I should call the police.

Yeah, and tell them what? That I was scared?

I could catch them by surprise, but maybe, just maybe, it was just my imagination. I was hungry, probably dehydrated, hyper-focused on the article for too long. Without thinking, I made sure I had my phone, silently typing 911 on the keypad before grabbing a pair of scissors from the counter. I knew it wouldn't help. What would I do, stab someone?

Oh, please.

I tightened my grip on the sharp tool just to calm my nerves, then walked through the dark apartment, avoiding the squeaky planks on the floor.

I knew my way around in the dark. I was raised in this place, learning how to move without a sound—like I used to when I was a kid, trying not to wake my parents while sneaking out of my room to get a snack in the middle of the night.

Finally, I reached the hall and realized something terrifying. The stream of light on the floor wasn't coming from the street lamps. The bathroom door was slightly ajar, just as I left it. But did I leave the lights on?

It was too late to back out now. Without a second thought, I moved closer to the door. I poked my head in, my knuckles white from how hard I was gripping the scissors, but what I saw was definitely not what I expected. My eyes landed on the mirror's reflection, steel blue eyes meeting mine, but not... quite.

My pulse pounded in my ears as he just stared into the mirror, his gaze not on me but somewhere else, somewhere distant. Then, before I could make sense of what was going on, he turned toward me. And the only emotion that flooded my mind was fear—immediate, overwhelming fear.

The man in front of me was tall. No, not tall—he was fucking huge. But somehow, he seemed small—his shoulders slumped, the first aid kit he grabbed from the cabinet almost slipping out of his fingers. He was dressed in a tactical uniform, all black, with a mask covering his mouth and nose, probably one of the reasons why he was breathing so heavily. But he didn't move any closer. Neither did I.

I let my gaze wander around, trying to make sense of what was happening, to figure out my next move. The glass lay on the floor by the window across the room. A trail of blood marks the path he had taken to the cabinet, blood dripping heavily from his side. He wore heavy boots, likely with metal tips. How the hell did he move so quietly? I listened carefully—no footsteps, no sound of cabinets opening, no rustling of plastic bags as he searched for the first aid kit. It was like he knew his way around the place.

He looked back at me, and what I saw in his eyes made me shiver involuntarily. I wasn't sure if it was fear or just the cold wind blowing through the broken window. His eyes were empty—almost devoid of emotion, like he didn't know what to do before he took a step forward, almost stumbling.

I could run, try to escape through the dark hallways, but what then? Where would I go?

Frozen in the doorway, I felt the words leave my mouth before I could even form a thought in my head:

-I'll help you.

And he didn't move. He didn't flinch. Even his gaze didn't change. He just stood there, still as a statue, waiting. For what? A reason to act? I had no idea.

Slowly, I moved closer, swallowing the lump in my throat. My breath was shallow, every second stretching out, making it hard to tell if I was moving in slow motion or if time itself had come to a standstill. I kept going until I was close enough to touch him if I only reached my hand out.

-Sit down. I can help with that.

To my surprise, he just obeyed, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. His movements were inaudible, the sound of the wind much louder than the heavy boots that should've been stomping across the tiled floor. I took another step closer, taking the first aid kit from his gloved hands. His grip was weak but steady. He wouldn't drop the box, but I took it from him without much effort.

My fingers trembled as I opened the first aid kit. The snap of the lid was far too loud in the silence. My gaze flicked to the wound at his side—blood still seeping through the fabric of his shirt. He hadn't flinched, hadn't reacted when I took the kit from him. It was as though he was waiting for something—maybe for me to tell him what to do next. A strange feeling of... understanding washed over me. It was like I knew him from somewhere, like I knew his story but couldn't put a face to it. Except that the face was right there, hidden under the mask, but still there. Though I'd never met him, a hunch stirred within me—a murmur of intuition that whispered secrets of captivity and forced duty. I didn't understand it, only that somehow I recognized the silent agony that lay behind his guarded eyes. And I couldn't tell where did the feeling come from.

I glanced at him, trying to catch his eyes, but he didn't meet my gaze. Instead, his eyes were fixed somewhere behind me, his shoulders tense, like he was bracing for something. I wasn't sure if it was pain, fear, or simply years of conditioning that had him sitting there, completely still. He was waiting for a command, wasn't he? But I couldn't bring myself to say it. I wouldn't.

-I'll try and stop the bleeding.

I mumbled instead and moved, my hands steadying themselves as I grabbed a gauze pad from the kit. The cloth was soft but firm as it pressed against the raw wound.

Up close, he was terrifying. Not just because of his size or the tactical gear that molded to his frame, but because of his sheer stillness. Like a statue—carved from something cold and unyielding, yet just lifelike enough to make me question whether he might move when I least expected it.

I forced myself to focus on the wound at his side. Deep. Ugly. Bleeding too much. I knew what to do. I never finished medical school, but I spent enough time there to know how to treat a wound. I slowly reached for the antiseptic, trying to calm my trembling hands, but failed miserably. I held the little glass vial in one hand while trying to crack it open with the other, but the glass was too thin, too fragile. The bottle cracked in my hand, under the pressure of my trembling fingers. A small shard scraped my already damaged skin hard enough to draw blood, and the sharp inhale I took was almost drowned out by the sound of him moving—so fast I barely saw it. Not an attack. Not defense. Just readiness. His body was coiled, like he was waiting for something to happen. For what? For me to lash out? For danger? For pain? And then I realized he was looking at me, for the first time when my gaze met his it actually felt like he was looking at me. Not just meeting my gaze, now he was actually looking at me.

My fingers stilled for a moment, my mind racing. I exhaled shakily, my breath catching in my chest as I looked down at my own blood trickling from my finger. My mind was a jumble of thoughts, but I knew I had to focus. His injury was worse than mine. I could deal with a small cut—he could barely move without risking more blood loss. But his sudden movement, that reaction, brought my heart to a halt. His eyes locked onto mine, the first time I truly saw them—an empty coldness, a hardness that made me feel like I was standing too close to something volatile. But in the briefest of seconds, there was something else—something I couldn't place. Not fear. Not anger. It was something different. Something softer. But just as fleeting as it came, it disappeared again, masked by the unfeeling stare of the soldier.

I shook off the feeling, gritting my teeth against the fear that crept up my spine. I couldn't afford to second guess myself now. Without thinking, I applied pressure to my own cut, stopping the bleeding as best I could, before moving back to the wound at his side. Slowly, I reached out again, trying to steady my shaky hands as I uncapped a new antiseptic bottle. My fingers were still unsteady as I tipped the vial, the sharp sting of the alcohol immediately filling the air with the scent of something sterile and bitter.

-That might hurt.

I whispered, wincing as I poured it over the wound. The antiseptic burned, but it had to be done. I needed to clean it. His body stiffened, a small muscle in his jaw twitching, but he didn't flinch. He just stared at me, his gaze hard and unreadable. He wasn't reacting to the pain, but I could see the tension in his posture, in the slight tightening of his grip on the edge of the bathtub.

I pressed down on the gauze again, more carefully this time, wiping away the excess blood, trying to be gentle. But the truth was, I didn't know how to fix this. I had no idea how to stop someone from bleeding out like this. My knowledge was basic—I could stop a small wound from getting worse, but this... this was beyond me.

-Stay still,

I whispered, almost to myself. His eyes never left mine. There was something about that gaze that almost broke my focus. He was waiting—waiting for me to give him something. A command? An order? An instruction? I wasn't sure.

But I wasn't going to order him to do anything. I wouldn't treat him like that, not after what I saw in his eyes. I reached for more gauze, trying to stem the bleeding more effectively, pressing it harder into the wound. But the moment I did, a flash of movement caught me off guard. He twitched—just slightly—but enough to make me freeze. He wasn't running, not reacting in any defensive way, but he was more... alert now. His body tensed, his chest rising and falling with a rhythm that spoke of years spent waiting for danger to strike, of surviving on instinct alone. He was waiting for something more than just the physical pain. He was waiting for a trigger, a reason to act. 

I stopped myself, blinking away the fear and confusion that had welled up in my throat. The reality of the situation hit me hard. This wasn't just some soldier in a hospital bed. This was someone who had been broken—shaped, molded, and trained into something that wasn't human anymore. Not completely, anyway. And again, I didn't know where I got that thought from.

I had no idea how to treat him. But I wasn't going to walk away from him, not now. Not when I could still hear that subtle but persistent voice in my head telling me to help him.

My hands steadied as I pressed the gauze against the wound with more pressure. The movement was rhythmic, soothing in a way I didn't understand, and I felt my heartbeat slow in time with it. I wasn't sure why I knew that I couldn't leave him like this. Maybe it was because I could see the soldier, the mask, the armor. But underneath, in the way he held himself, the way his eyes lingered on me like I was the only thing standing between him and a world of silence, I saw more than just a weapon. I saw someone who was trying to hold onto a piece of himself, even if he couldn't remember what that piece was.

-Hold on...

I whispered, more to myself than to him, as I finished wrapping the gauze around his side, trying to bind the wound as best as I could. The silence between us was thick, but I didn't feel the need to fill it with words. I knew he wouldn't respond either way.

I watched him for a moment, his steady breath, the way he seemed more... alive now. It was reasonable, he wasn't bleeding so heavily, yet he was still definitely not fully well. I let my gaze roam over his body, looking for any other injuries. The silence in the room was too thick, the air seeming surprisingly... moist. Unpleasant. Before I could spot any other wounds I could treat, my eyes landed back on the gauze I already secured. 

It slipped up, part of the wound now exposed again. I reached my hand out to fix it without a second thought, and it was a huge mistake. He reacted immediately, pushing me away in one swift motion. I stumbled back on my heels before I even realized he got up, his every move trained and calculated as he picked up some clean gauzes and... disappeared. Like that. Before I could blink twice, he was gone through the same window he came in.

I sat there in silence, my breathing ragged. He didn't attack me, it wasn't about that. I just didn't say what I was doing. He answered to none of my earlier words, but he listened, knew my intentions. Now he didn't, and as if he realized he couldn't take the offered help, he just decided to split.

I sat there for a long while, not sure what time it was. Was it morning already? I looked outside the window—it was dark, but my mind was so fogged I couldn't even judge if the sun was rising already.

After what felt like an eternity, I finally managed to get on my feet, swaying on my way to the sink, washing my hands so eagerly that his blood I had just washed off was replaced by my own, the effect of scrubbing too hard. 

I looked in the mirror, my face pale as the cloudy sky outside the window. After a few more seconds, I took a deep breath, my pulse slowing down finally. Maybe it was just a dream, a stupid hallucination. 

But it wasn't, and the amount of blood on the white tiles was the perfect proof of that.

[duckprintspress]

25 hours a day, 8 days a week, #gpoy.

[manestjerne]

I'll do that again for you

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader

Summary: Bucky pushes you away again and you let him this time.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: angst, swearing, comfort, a little fluff, doubts, angry behavior, mentions of physical abuse and injuries, crying. Let me know if I forgot something.

A/N: I'm not sure about this one, but it's been on my mind for so long I had to finally sit down and write it all down. Hope you enjoy it guys <3

I walked into Bucky’s apartment and tossed my keys on the dining table before opening the fridge and getting myself a bottle of water. I looked around slowly and walked to the pile of bedsheets on the floor. I picked them up before sitting down on the couch. The quiet sound of shower in the other room seemed to wash all my worries away, but I knew they will come back the moment I see him. His deep blue, tired eyes full of regret and and guilt, his usually steady hands shaking whenever we were alone. All the things no one else besides me was allowed to see. Things that only I could perceive in a conference room full of people. Things I couldn’t do anything about. He was more devastated than ever, when Steve started talking about leaving him. Leaving us, but Bucky couldn’t wrap his head around that, believing I have already found my peace in other people. As compassionate as he was, he never saw how lonely I was since I was trying to get him his life back. But I never blamed him. 

The peaceful sound of water flowing got quiet unexpectedly, making me snap back to reality. I heard quiet footsteps getting closer and my heart started pounding in my chest. 

„Hey sweets, you’re here early.” 

He said calmly, sitting on the couch next to me. I only replied with a smile, realizing he looks worse than usually. He wasn’t surprised I was here, I always were on friday mornings. We talked about his last therapy session before going to the compound together, it was our routine. The thing that kept us both on tracks, helping to get a steady rhythm in our messed up lives, something to stick with for once. But today my thoughts were focused on something else, I didn’t care about the therapy, knowing he might finally found something better to help him get his life together. 

„How was your date yesterday?”

„It was awful and I don’t want to talk about it.” 

His reply was dry and harsh. He didn’t do that often while talking to me. He had a soft spot there, always treating me gently and respectful, but I knew this moment would come, sooner or later. I knew the perfect bubble of our strange relationship would finally burst, because he couldn’t handle it. I knew it would change for him, but never for me, I felt the same way since I met him, when he squeezed my throat so hard that I passed out and had to look at the bruises covering my body for the next two weeks, whenever I passed a mirror. But even as the Winter Soldier, his eyes were the same, that’s why I chose to help Steve get him back. That’s why I had the worst possible fight with Tony, when he told me I can’t just pick up assassins from the streets and adopt them like stray cats. He never said that about Wanda, he never called Nat an assassin, but he never hesitated when it came to Bucky. Thinking about that sent shivers down my spine, remembering how much I had to give up to bring things back to normal, to help them understand, that the Winter Soldier is not the person standing in front of them.

„So I chose a wrong person again?” 

I asked with a weak smile. It wasn’t the first date he didn’t enjoy, but he never blamed me for that.

„You chose the wrong thing for me, I don’t get why do you want me to find a fucking love of my life by setting me up on hookups I don’t want to attend.”

His voice started to sound unsettling, I shifted in my seat and straightened my back, looking at him carefully. He tried to do that earlier, to push me away by scaring me, but I never let him. I knew he would never hurt me, too focused on protecting me at all costs, like his life depended on it.

„Don’t be such a dick and stop blaming me for your poor love life, I’m just trying to help you get back to reality.”

I was surprised by my own words, I never spoke to him that way, no matter how he treated me. I felt a wave of frustration flushing through my veins, making me feel like my blood is boiling. I looked at his hands, his metal fingers clenching in a fist, the flesh hand rubbing on the soft fabric of his jeans, but I knew how much they were trembling at this moment and how much he was fighting himself not to break the character he was trying to play. 

„I never asked for it.”

His jaw clenched and I felt a sting in my chest at his words. No matter how grateful he was for me being there, he would never admit it, he would never say how much he needed and appreciated all I ever did for him. 

„Do you want me to leave?” 

I decided to make it easier for him, knowing he would struggle with saying it out loud. He never wanted me to leave his side, but he thought it was the right thing, and I couldn’t fight it anymore.

„I don’t want you to play a babysitter anymore, seeing one shrink at a time is enough.” 

He huffed and rolled his eyes, almost making me believe his words and for the first time I felt some kind of doubt. My safe place by his side was slowly fading away as he kept looking at me with something what felt like blame in his eyes. I shrinked into my seat trying to find any words, but every time I opened my mouth the room was filled with nothing but silence. 

„Do you want me to leave?” 

I repeated myself quietly, not able to find any other words suitable for what I was feeling at the moment.

„Are you even fucking listening?”

He wasn’t angry, but frustrated. I didn’t flinch at his voice, but I could feel the tears filling up my eyes slowly. I got up and picked my keys up from the table. After a few short breaths I found the courage to face him again.

„That’s what I do all the time, James. I listen. I wish you could do that for once.”

With my last word I turned away and walked to the door. He never tried to stop me, he didn’t say anything before I left. I held my tears back for as long as I could, letting go at the moment I sat in my car. I doubted all I did for him at the moment, knowing that one of us wasn’t ready for what we were doing, but I couldn’t realize who was the problem.

-----

„It’s been a week since you stopped attending the meetings. If Tony was mad earlier, you don’t want to know what Steve said today.”

Nat entered my room without knocking as always. She brought me a piece of Wanda’s cake, but I pushed the plate away, still refusing to eat whenever I wasn’t starving.

„I really just don’t want to see him, I’m not ready for that.”

She sat on the bed next to me, looking at me closely and sinking every word I said. It was the first time I said anything about what happened that day and she was willing to listen carefully to every word I say, analyzing every sigh and deep breath between them. I felt bad about treating her this way, she deserved to know everything, but I was scared of what I was going to say, I tried not to think about it, knowing my pain is now fully replaced with anger and frustration.

„I did everything I could, all this months I tried to help him and he acts like a fucking brat, trying to push me away. I’m so done with him, I’m not going back and begging him to let me do that all again. If he’s so devoted to Steve let’s just stick with that and let him live his pathetic little life without my interruptions.” 

I said it all in one breath trying not to sound paranoid, but Nat only nodded slowly and laid on her back, staring at the perfectly white ceiling. 

„I respect your every decision, but he’s only doing that to help you, and you know that. It’s you, who convinced me he means no harm and just can’t deal with his own mind, that’s why he’s trying to push you away. But it’s okay you’re tired with that, you don’t deserve it.”

I rolled on my stomach laying next to her and picked up the plate she put on the bed earlier. I stared at all the layers of my favorite toppings and saw how uneven it was looking, realizing Natasha helped Wanda with cooking this time. I smiled to myself remembering how much she hates doing that. 

"Just wait for him to come back, he'll do it eventually."

„Thanks Nat, I’m glad you’re here.” 

I said before dipping my fork in the cake.

---

Everyone got quiet when I entered the shared kitchen, it was the first time I was in the same room with Bucky since I left his apartment in tears. But I didn’t mind his presence, I knew he’s not going to bring it up when there were so many people around and I wasn’t planning on giving him a chance to speak to me in private. I walked up to the counter and poured myself a glass of water before heading to the coffee machine. I waited for my drink to brew when I turned away and rested my elbows on the counter behind me, almost tasting the tensed atmosphere I brought into the room. 

„Are you planning on attending any meetings this week or should I just send you a fax with our arrangements?” 

Tony asked calmly. He was mad at me, but acting as a human as possible he wasn’t planning on letting me know.

„Yeah, I’ll be there today.”

I shrugged my shoulders when Steve rolled his eyes, but I wasn’t looking at him. Bucky’s eyes were glued to the countertop in front of him, filled with guilt. He looked pathetic and I blamed myself for enjoying the view. After hearing a quiet beep my eyes left him to pick up the coffee.

„See you at 6.”

I said and started walking away lazily with mug in one hand and a glass of water in another. I was slowly getting used to this, feeling more comfortable leaving my room, not caring about the stares.

„You two should just fuck and let us get back to normal.”

I froze at Tony’s words and turned back to face him unconsciously.

„Come on, we can all see how you’re looking at each other, let’s finally get over this awkward phase.”

„Shut up.” 

Bucky replied him firmly at his next words, but Tony just shrugged his shoulders and went back to eating his cereal. I tightened my grip on the glass in my hand and looked him in the eyes, shaking my head slowly. Little did he know, we did that once, a few weeks back and it never helped, it never changed our relationship. I couldn’t find proper words to respond so I just walked away and stopped after passing the first corner, when no one could see me. I let my head fall back and took a few deep breaths, feeling the almost healed wound open up again. I started walking away when I heard footsteps approaching me, but he was faster and caught up with me after only a few seconds. He blocked my way with his body, towering over me before I could reach the elevator and hide in my room. 

„He shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.” 

Bucky was trying to look me in the eyes but I successfully avoided it.

„Don’t act like you regret anything.”

I huffed and tried to pass him, but it was impossible. He raised his hand to tuck the strand of hair behind my ear but I flinched at his movement. He was visibly hurt by that, but not surprised, taking a step back his gaze never left me. 

„Can we just talk like adult people do?”

„You’re not so good at that.”

I replied coldly, matching his earlier energy, trying to push him away as he did so many times.

„I am, you taught me that.”

„No, that’s a job for a shrink, so I’m not doing that again.”

„I know how you fee-„

„No, you fucking don’t!”

I replied throwing a glass at him, my words louder than necessary. He didn’t flinch, knowing I wasn’t actually aiming at him. The glass flew next to his face and shattered at the wall behind him. 

„Fuck.” 

I mumbled and dropped on my knees to pick up the glass from the floor. He kneeled besides me and pulled me away gently, grabbing the shattered pieces with his metal hand. 

„You’ll hurt yourself.”

He said gently and I almost fell in his arms after these words, knowing how much I miss him and how much I want to be allowed to do that again. 

„Like you care.”

I huffed in response and entered the elevator leaving him alone, kneeling in the puddle wetting his jeans, letting my frustration take over.

-----

I heard a soft knocking on my door. I raised myself on my elbows before realizing Nat and Wanda never knock, no matter what time they decide to come see me, so I rolled over with my back facing the door now. I didn’t want to talk to anybody else at the moment.

„I know you’re not sleeping, I can hear your uneven breath.”

I heard the words clearly, even tho his whisper was muffled by the door separating us. I didn’t respond, knowing he’ll come in eventually. I heard a resigned sigh before the door opened. His quiet footsteps echoing in my head when he circled the room and kneeled besides my bed to face me. 

„I’m sorry for being such a dick.”

He said confidently waiting for my answer, but also knowing I’m not going to speak. He gave me a few seconds to make sure I don’t have anything to say before he spoke up again.

„I know how you feel, I can see how much you have to give up in order to help me. I know how alone you are, even with so many people supporting you. I know you did it all to make me feel better and I appreciate it more than anything, I need your help just as much as you think and more.”

I was a little confused at his words, actually admitting all the things he couldn’t say earlier.

„Then why are you like that?”

I felt the tears filling up my eyes again, but I didn’t care, letting them fall on my cheeks as our murmurs were filling up the quiet room. 

„Because I can’t stand watching you do this. You don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve you, but I can’t function without you. I need you back and I’ll do everything for you to forgive me again.”

His hand slowly landed on my cheek, wiping the tears away as he looked me in the eyes.

„See, that’s the problem. Again. How many times will you push me away before finally opening up and letting me really help you?”

My voice wasn’t shaking as much, feeling his touch calmed me down as always, no matter how I wanted to resist the feeling.

„I won’t do that ever again, I won’t hurt you. I just need you back, as clingy as always, being a pain in my ass every Friday morning, asking about my therapy. Making me watch all the stupid romantic movies, cuddling on the couch when I’m trying to move away. Dragging me back to bed when I lay on the floor and making me talk about my nightmares before we fall asleep again.”

"Who would think that Bucky Barnes could ever kneel before a woman."

"And I'll do it again for you."

I couldn’t help but giggled at his words, knowing how much I miss that feeling too, no matter he was trying to act like he hates it, he loved it more than I did. He smiled softly at my reaction, and I knew it was sincere. He slowly stood up and took the covers off me. Picking me up gently he moved me to make space for himself and laid next to me, resting my head on his chest before pulling the covers over us once more.

„Just come back for the last time and I promise I won’t act like a brat and start treating you as you deserve. I would do anything for you and I can’t run from it anymore. I’m ready to give you everything I can and finally take care of you, like you did this whole time.”

He brushed his fingers through my hair and I nodded slowly, knowing he finally understood that pushing me away is not an option. I took a deep breath smelling his cologne and my eyelids got heavy as my body started to relax. I closed my eyes sinking in the feeling of our bodies being so close again, our legs tangled under the duvet, his heart beating right where my head was resting. 

„Just close your eyes now, and we’ll start everything again tomorrow, okay?”

He asked quietly, his flesh hand not leaving my hair and the metal one still drawing circles on my back.

„Okay.”

I said before falling asleep, knowing I won’t wake up in the middle of the night as I did every single time for the past week. 

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. VI

Juice Ortiz x female

Word count: 6.7k

Warnings: blood, bad language, violence, mentions of sex(?), angst

A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for such a long break, I had this in my drafts for some time, but couldn't get myself to post it, but I'm back now and I'll try to be more consistent 🫶🏻

Walking to the kitchen alone in the morning was a really bad decision. The place was a complete mess and so many things I never wanted to see flashed before my eyes. Passing a few people I really wanted to stop and make sure they’re still alive, but gladly I just walked pass by the disgusting scene, making sure I won’t put my foot in anything on the floor, either people or weird, unrecognized substances. Too early to eat anything as always I just poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down by the kitchen table, praying no one walks in. I haven’t talked with anybody besides Juice about yesterdays situation and I wasn’t sure if they approved what I did. Gemma is probably proud. Looking at the shelves filled with instant food packages I realized I used to do much worse things. Yeah, but you were home. Your place. It’s not my place anymore, but it was back then. I don’t think I have my place now, but it’s definitely not here. Showing up at night looking like I was hit by a truck and then showing some attitude to a girl who’s from here was probably not the best option. Was it? I locked my eyes on a canned chicken soup and my stomach turned upside down. That’s disgusting. 

- Hey - I flinched when Bobby pulled me out of my thoughts 

- You’re up early.

It’s not early, but looking at how many people were still passed out it was surprising to see someone alive.

- Decided to give my liver a rest yesterday - he replied calmly pouring himself a cup of fresh coffee and sitting next to me - What about you? 

- My liver deserved a rest years ago, I’m too old for that kind of parties - I said jokingly to keep the conversation as far from the shattered glasses as I could 

- I don’t know how he did that, but Chibs told us you’re not letting things like that slide easily. 

Shit, my brilliant plan didn’t work.

- Look, I don’t want to sound like a toddler, but she started. I’m not here to cause any drama.

- Actually - he looked down trying to hide his smile - I’m sure some people there were glad somebody finally did that. 

- What do you mean? - he tried to lock his eyes with mine but I kept looking at the chicken soup in the corner 

- See, Ima is the CaraCara girl.  Not many are fond of her, but she’s making good money with Layla, and there’s actually no reason to get rid of her, a pornstar being annoying and slutty is not that much of a deal when you think about it. I work at the studio as an accountant so I spend quite a lot of time with the girls, maybe I don’t know them that well, but you know…

- Deep inside she’s just a lost, lovely girl? - I asked with a little sarcasm when I saw him struggling to finish the sentence, but he bursted out laughing 

- No, she’s really just an annoying slut, I don’t know where I was going there.

I finally left the soup and looked at him laughing, felt a smile forming on my face.

- Just don’t blame yourself, you sat here looking like you had a moral hangover.

- I don’t actually blame myself, but feels like I needed someone else to say that, thanks Bobby.

He replied with a warm smile. 

- I should go and finish the party for good now, see you later.

I sat there for a minute after he left. It’s kinda sad people approach me when I’m just sitting alone, my resting face must be extremely depressed. I slowly got up from the chair and dragged my feet back to the bedroom. When I walked into the room Juice just got out of the bathroom. I looked at the single cup of coffee in my hand. Lovely. 

- And that’s… for you - I smiled and handed him the cup which he accepted with his hand still wet from the shower

- Oh wow, so lovely, you went there just to get me a coffee and didn’t even think about yourself? - he took a sip and handed me the cup back with a smile 

- I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that. 

He would bring me a coffee. 

- Who were you talking to? - he asked calmly but I felt shivers anyway

- No one. 

Why would I lie? What’s the point? He turned back to me and laughed politely to ensure me he’s not mad, but curious. 

- You were sitting there for so long alone? Come on, I just want to know if you’re getting along with anybody - he still smiled softly putting on  his shirt 

- Oh, excuse me? - I laughed forgetting about how uncomfortable I just was - I was talking with Bobby, but just so you know, I get along with a lot of people here. Like Lyla, she’s great. And Chibs. And Tig. Oh, and Opie, yeah, Opie’s cool. And… And Chucky! 

- Okay, alright - he wrapped his arms around me to stop me from thinking of more names - I’m glad you’re feeling good here. 

- Yeah, about feeling good, it’s great here, but can we go home? 

- Sure - he said not letting me go

- I believe you have to let me go so I can grab my stuff and get in the car. 

- Oh Christ, sorry I was even touching you princess. Want me to carry you so your shoes don’t get too dirty? - he responded handing me my bag 

How is he smiling all the time? That’s probably the thing I love about him the most, but that’s also something to think about. On our way to the car we stopped at the bar. Bobby sitting on the stool with his face hidden in his hands was looking pretty pathetic. But not so pathetic as all the people still lying in different, sometimes weird places. 

- How was your finishing the party? - I asked putting my hand on his shoulder, he patted it lightly 

- Just as you can see. You know what? - he looked at our bags - I’m going home too, Clay should handle this, I’m not responsible for other charters, am I? 

- You should go - Juice said firmly, exactly as he needed, Bobby immediately got up and walked us to the car 

- I believe todays vote will be postponed for tomorrow - he said before Juice sat behind the wheel - use your day off well.

Looking at me he smiled once again and next seconds Juice was starting the engine. 

- Gross - I said jokingly 

- What do you mean? 

- That thing about your “day off”. Use it well. On me? Come on. 

- That’s not what he meant - he sounded serious, but a smile was still fully visible on his face 

- Then what did he mean? 

- He definitely meant my bike, I should work on it - he now laughed out loud - by the way, you saw it? 

I moved my head and looked out through the window. 

- Saw what? 

- My bike. 

- Yeah, I see it pretty much everyday, it’s hard to not see it when you live with a biker. It’s nice, even lovely I’d say. 

- I don’t mean that one. 

I kept looking through the window acting like I don’t know about the other one hidden in the garage. He shouldn’t be mad, I definitely didn’t break anything, but maybe he doesn’t know I’ve touched it, why should I tell him myself? 

- You have more than one bike? That’s so cool - I smiled to myself and felt him staring at the back of my head 

- Y/n, you know I won’t be mad. 

- Mad? About what? - I realized he can see my face in the reflection on the glass so I immediately stopped smiling and looked at him. 

- Just wanted to tell that you did well - he smiled at my reaction - must’ve taken you a few hours, huh? 

- I’m sorry, but it’s pretty boring to be alone and not at home, I was looking for anything to do. And when did you even have time to see that I’ve touched it? I left all the tools exactly where they were before, you have like a dairy or what? - I laughed and realized we were pulling into the driveway 

- Sometimes when I can’t sleep and think too much I go there trying to relax, so you don’t know I did that probably because you were sleeping. 

- You know - I stopped because he rushed to open the door for me right after he parked - you know you can talk to me? I’m probably better at that stuff than your secret bike. 

- I’m not schizophrenic or anything, I do all the talking in my head so it won’t be weird. 

I just gave him a meaningful look and followed him inside. 

- I’m worried about tomorrow - I said after settling on the couch 

- What’s tomorrow? Your first day at work? - my blank stare must’ve said everything because he continued without my answer - Why? You did all that nursing stuff before, didn’t you? 

- No, I’ve actually never done that, that’s why they hired me. What’s wrong with you today? - I took a sip of  my tea waiting for his response wondering if I’m not too harsh, but he laughed as softly as always 

- I think I’m just tired. 

- Tired of bitches hitting up on you all night? 

- Alright, from what I can remember there was only one bitch hitting up on me yesterday. 

- And I really hope you mean Ima - I laughed 

I was pretty shocked I got over it so fast and didn’t overthink what happened last night. 

- Well, you definitely don’t need to beg me for attention so I definitely didn’t mean you. 

Is this about the “I love you” thing? I really don’t want to talk about this now. 

- Good to hear that - I smiled and run to another topic immediately - so do we have a free evening today or you want to go check in at the club? 

- Remember what Bobby said? - he asked playfully 

- Oh come on, I’m serious now.

- Yeah, me too. How about a movie night? 

- How about a walk? 

Looking at his face I could see my question put him off guard. 

- What? - I laughed at the silence 

- Where do you want to go? - his tone became more firm and calm

- I don’t know, aren’t there any parks here? - I laughed and grabbed his thigh gently - Juice, if you don’t want to we don’t have to do that, I just asked. But I’d still like to know what’s so terrible about walks. 

I tried to stop smiling but the fact that he looked terrified by the idea of taking a walk was pretty hilarious. 

- No, I’m sorry, of course we can go for a walk, it’s just that I prefer spending my free time at home - he smoothed out the pillow not even looking at me

- Are you really afraid something might happen? - I asked moving other pillows out of his reach when he tried to grab another one 

- l just, you know - I don’t, keep talking - well, many people know me here - he finally got the courage to look at me and his sad puppy eyes literally made me want to cry 

- I’m sorry, but what’s wrong with people knowing who you are? - I truly didn’t understand what he meant and asking was the best option since I wasn’t scared of being embarrassed anymore 

- I’m sorry, I just want you to be safe and I know that there are only two places I can be sure about you not getting hurt, here and at the clubhouse. I know it sounds out of line, but some people want to hurt us and they know their best ways to do that. 

-So the best way to hurt you would be hurting me, huh? - I tried to comfort him and did the literal opposite, but still got a little smile from him 

-I know how it sounds, really. Especially when I told you I’m just a member of a club, but- 

-Yeah, I know it’s not just a club, I’m not that stupid - this time comforting him went a little better and he finally took his hand off the perfectly flattened pillow to grab my hand 

-You’re really important to me, and however unrealistic this sounds, I need to protect you at all costs right now. It’s not always going to be like that, but we got ourselves into some trouble lately. 

-Is it about the drugs? The club trying to leave is just not going as Jax planned? 

Maybe I shouldn’t say that, but on the other hand it might help him to open and talk to me. I already knew more than he thought, why wouldn’t he just talk to me about it now? The silence between us was pretty loud and his concerned face made me want to laugh, but I tried to keep a straight face to show him I’m serious. 

-What do you mean „the drugs”? 

-Oh come on, you really want to play that game? - his question annoyed me a little, even tho I did the same thing all the time 

-How do you even know about that? - he wasn’t angry, more stressed and worried, his hands landing on the pillow again 

-Okay, are you going to answer my question or we don’t have anything to talk about? 

-Yes, it’s about drugs. Leaving the business isn’t as easy as we thought, and Clay is not cooperating with Jax. Except this whole shit with drugs we have a lot going on inside our charter. It looks like nothing is going to be  better unless these two work their shit out, and I don’t think it’s going to happen anytime soon - he opened even a little more than I expected, but I was so glad he finally did that - that’s why I’m worried about you and about what might happen.

-Thank you for being honest with me, I really appreciate that - I gently took the pillow from him and replaced it with my hands - I know you can’t talk a lot about the club stuff, but you can still talk about your feelings, that’s not pathetic, I cried in front of you so many times, come on.

I tried to lighten him up and believed it worked, since he gave me a bright smile. 

-Okay, I’ll try, but for now is it enough? - he chuckled 

-Well, I accept that, but I’ll demand more honesty in the future if you want to spend it with me. 

I looked down, his hands, always steady, now shaking a little, not matching his cheerful smile. His eyes dark, I could even say full of joy. Hiding his emotions started getting harder, or maybe I was better at reading it. 

-You have no idea how much I want that - he smiled so adorably I almost fell for it, but another look at his hands worried me again 

Using how close we were to each other I sat on his laps and let him hide his face in my neck. His hands immediately started wandering around my back and when they found the spot he pulled me closer. I tried to sink in the moment, when he suddenly threw me off his knees, my back landing on the soft couch I was trapped by his body. It was so gentle, yet so fast that I froze under him. 

-The fuck was that? - I asked completely confused 

-I just wanted to see your reaction, but that little scream was so cute - wide smile wasn’t leaving his face, he looked amused by my consternation - are you ticklish? 

-Juan, don’t try that, get off me - I said firmly trying not to laugh

-I promise I’ll start talking about my feelings, I just need some time - he said not moving 

-Okay, okay, I trust you but let me go - I was now laughing with him 

He slowly got up letting me do the same thing. I got closer to his face, putting my hands around his neck and just looked him in the eyes. Juice immediately shortened the distance by kissing me, licking my lip I opened my mouth to let him in when the doorbell interrupted us. He slowly pulled back and rested his forehead on mine and I just started laughing. Like a damn movie. 

-Stay here - he got up and dragged his feet towards the door unlocking it slowly 

-Hey Juicy - I heard Chibs so I made my way to the door, not wanting him to take my boyfriend away from me again 

My who? 

-Hi Chibs, perfect timing, what’s up? 

-The vote’s tomorrow at 6 - he smiled softly to greet me 

-And that’s why you came all the way here? - I asked amused by Juice’s reaction 

-Well, maybe if he’d pick up his damn phone I wouldn’t have to do that - he stepped through the door and closed it - that vote might take a little longer, I talked to the guys from north and they are not giving up so easily, just so you know - he gave Juice a serious look - am I interrupting you? 

-No, we were just going to my old place to get some stuff, since you have so much free time you can come with us to help - I smiled at him and then saw Juice’s face - we talked about it yesterday… 

-Oh yeah, we did, I’m sorry - he brightened up immediately 

-Actually I don’t have anything better to do, you want me to call Tig? 

-That would be nice - I said before Juice even opened his mouth - Juice, you have any empty boxes in your garage? 

-Yeah, there are some. 

-So I’ll call Tiggy and you kids go find some boxes so we can go - Chibs smiled at us once again and went through the door 

-Juice - I said with a straight face - did you mute your phone to „use your time well” with me? - I tried not to smile 

-Of course not - he laughed and started walking towards the garage - I must’ve did that by accident.

-You’re a bad liar, really. 

-I think that’s good - he pinned me to the wall and kissed me softly - will we finish that later? 

-Oh god, stop - I laughed and walked under his hand to free myself - let’s get the boxes, how many do you have? 

-And how many do you want? You have much stuff there? - he started going through the empty boxes and throwing the bigger ones in my direction 

-Well, should I get all of it? Will you get me a place when I can store them? - I asked while folding the boxes and putting them aside 

-Can’t you just unpack here? Why would you keep your things in the boxes? 

I kept my eyes on the flatted pile I just made. 

-You want me to stay here for good? I know you for like a month, I can’t just move in. 

-So you’re just living here temporarily, huh? - he also wasn’t looking at me but I saw him smiling 

-Well, if that’s what you mean then I can tell you I was looking for some houses for sale here. 

He threw a last one at me and came closer. 

-I mean that I want you to feel like at home here. You don’t have to move out, I have plenty of free space, there’s even a free bedroom upstairs if you don’t want to share the bed anymore. 

-Don’t you think it’s a little bit early to live together? We’re not even a couple or anything - I tried not to look at him but he made it impossible

-Aren’t we? - he took the boxes I just folded and went outside - I want you to stay here - he yelled while putting them in the trunk 

-Tig will wait at the clubhouse for us, I believe you want to switch the car for a bigger one if we’re taking all of your shit here - Chibs said when I met them at the driveway 

-Yeah, sure - I sat on the passenger sit and waited for Juice to join me 

We drove to Lodi in silence, but I saw him looking at me from time to time, smile not leaving his face. I was really happy about what he said, but didn’t want to show him that i really care about that. Acting casual wasn’t my best skill, but I both didn’t want to scare him or just ruin what we already had, so I chose to ignore my feelings for now. When we pulled up Juice parked the truck right in front of the door and guys left their bikes a little closer to the street. When we entered the building my hands were empty, nobody let me carry anything so I just led them upstairs and unlocked the door. 

-So there’s no elevator here, huh? - Tig asked when i was fighting with my shaky hands to put the key in 

-Yeah, you’ll have to carry all the boxes alone, or you can let me help you - I said opening the door and letting them in 

-You’re not carrying anything, just focus on the packing - Chibs said letting me go in front of him - stop whining Tiggy. 

But I wasn’t listening to him, what I saw made me freeze where I was standing. Should’ve cleaned that up before leaving. Blood drops on the floor, marking the paths where I was walking before I cleaned myself up. Bloody tissues on the table and now also on the floor, bathroom sink still covered in blood, perfectly visible since I left the door open. 

-That’s quite a lot of blood for such a small person - Tig said and put the boxes down - but we’ve seen worse, don’t worry, where should we start? 

We’ve seen worse? That’s it? Wow. 

-You can get all the stuff from here and the kitchen, I’ll go get the bathroom and bedroom - I said and quietly left with a few boxes in my hands 

I never liked packing, but today it was different. I never wanted to see that apartment again, it was so nice and I loved it with all my heart, but now it was hard to feel safe here. Glad that nobody interrupted me I just focused on packing when I heard someone knocking on the door. I went to check what’s going on, but seeing the three of them froze, just staring at the door made me laugh. 

-Are we expecting any guests? - Chibs asked when I entered the room 

-Why don’t you just check who that is? - I said a little bit more annoyed than I meant to

I walked toward the door and saw all of them reaching their belts, pretty sure what they had there. 

-That’s fucking pathetic - I said looking at their reaction and slowly opened the door 

-I thought you’re not going to open, like you’re mad that I just left you, oh wait, you can’t be mad, because you’re the one who left me - Nat laughed and walked pass me not waiting for an invitation to come inside - oh hello gentleman - she put her bag on the table

-Guys, that’s Nat, Nat this is Tig and Chibs, I think you remember Juice - I smiled looking at their reaction 

-Of course I remember, hi everyone - she started going through her bag looking for something 

-Tig, don’t even try - I said when I saw him walking her way - you’re all being rude right now - I laughed when they just kept looking at her not saying anything and got a quiet “hi Nat” from all three as a response 

-But she’s not going to kill us, right? - Chibs joked looking around at the bloody mess - she’s not the one I guess? 

-Sadly I left all my white weapons at home, so you have advantage over me - she moved her head up and looked at his belt - oh I found it, you’re going for a smoke? - she put her lighter in the pocket and looked at me 

-Sure - I responded quickly and followed her to the balcony - how did you even know I’m here? You’re stalking me or what? - I laughed as soon as the door closed behind us 

-I was just walking by and saw two bikes in front of the building, who else could it be? - she sat on the bench and kept looking at me with her weird, cute smile 

-Why are you looking at me like that? - I laughed - it’s been a week, not like I’ve abandoned you or anything 

-Are you okay? I’m sorry, but your explanations over texts weren’t really convincing - she patted the spot besides her 

-I had some mess to clean up lately - I said sitting down 

-Yeah, pretty cute mess - she looked through the window at guys packing my stuff - you live with them? 

-They don’t live together - I laughed loudly at her question - I’m staying at Juice’s for now, I’m not sure what to do next. 

-He rescued you and let you move in after knowing you for a month? What a hero - I knew it was not fully sarcastic, even tho she tried to sound like it - he loves you or what? 

-He actually told me he does - I responded not looking at her 

-Are you shitting me right now? You love him too? Girl what happened to your independent, 'I don’t need any man', lifestyle. I thought you’re just going to fuck him - she shook her head in fake disbelief trying not to laugh 

-I actually don’t know, I didn’t say anything. 

-Okay, you really have to be kidding me - she laughed now 

-Oh shut up, do you want to help me pack since you’re here? 

About an hour later a stack of heavy boxes filled with all my stuff was standing near the door. Tig and Chibs went to the bus to pack the first ones and I sat on the couch to clear things out with Nat. 

-You’re not mad at me, are you? - I asked watching as Juice went to the kitchen and leaned back on the counter 

-Why would I be? - she laughed - because you left me in this shitty town with my shitty job? Come on y/n, I always cheered you up, I’m really glad you got the job you wanted so bad. 

-The job is one thing,  it I still moved away not even telling you straight away, I feel kinda bad about it - and what I said was honest, I knew it was my life and I was the only person who should decide about it, but the demons from my past or whatever we’re still chasing me and I felt like I needed permission for everything 

-Sweetheart - she looked at me with her lovely eyes, and leaned in to make sure I can hear every word she says - are you fucking kidding me? It’s your life and you have to be god damn happy, don’t worry about other people so much, we’ve already been there and I thought you understood it’s a bad idea.

We both laughed and I picked my bag from the floor when the guys came back upstairs. 

-Okay, let’s go - I grabbed a box and headed to the door 

-I don’t think so - Chibs took it from me and placed it back down on the floor - ten minutes and everything should be handled, you should spare your wrists.

Nat joined me and watched all the of them carrying the boxes downstairs.

-What’s your schedule next weekend? - I asked when they disappeared behind the last wall

-Not sure yet, why? Want me to come visit your big town? - she laughed and threw her bag over her shoulder 

-Yeah, you should come by, I’ll probably be alone for a while - she smiled at me and slowly walked through the door

-We’ll keep in touch - she blowed me a kiss - bye, love ya.

-When are you planning to start unpacking? - Juice was leaning on the kitchen counter and looking at the boxes besides the door

I walked up to the fridge and got myself a beer.

-Are they bothering you so much? - I stood next to him looking in the same direction 

-I mean, not really, just wondering - he took a sip from his bottle 

-Oh, you’re such a pedant - I smiled at him - I wanted to at least start today, but I don’t think I have enough energy for that, I’m sorry. This work thing is kind of stressing me out, like it’s my first day ever. I just want it to be over, then I’ll take care of other stuff, is that okay?

-Of course it’s okay - he looked at me as softly as always, I wondered what would I have to do to make him mad - I’ll help you whenever you’re ready.

I didn’t have a chance to answer, because his phone drown my quiet „thanks” out. After his short answers I could immediately recognize it was a call from the club. What else could it be? I was expecting that.

-I need you to come with me - he said firmly while putting his cell back in the pocket 

-I can stay alone Juice, we’ve talked about it. I’ll be fine. 

-No - he looked serious and worried at the same time - They need you at the clubhouse.

I wasn’t expecting that.

-Why? What happened? - I asked when he nervously started looking for the car keys

-Couldn’t tell me on the phone - he answered calmly, still not looking at me - so probably there’s someone to patch up.

-Okay - I said without hesitation and he finally looked at me

-You don’t have to get involved in the club shit, that’s my shit and I can get you out of it if you want. Just this one time if there really isn’t anyone else to help, we’ll figure this out, okay?

-Juice - now I was smiling softly - I’m fine with that, really. Our shit now.

We hurried through the door and it was surprisingly quiet inside, but everyone got up from their seats when we walked through the door. 

-Kozik got hit, Tara’s out of town and we need someone to take care of him. Her bag is already there, just come with me - Jax grabbed my arm and pulled me slightly so | would follow him

I entered the chapel and heard multiple footsteps following me, but I couldn’t focus on that. A blonde man was laying on the massive wooden table. His bare chest was covered in blood, a hole in his upper arm made it pretty clear that he was shot. I froze, not at the fact that a man with probably a bullet in his body was casually laying on the table, a prospect next to him trying to stop the bleeding, but because I was the one to help him. I haven’t done anything like that in some time, had no idea where to start I started panicking quietly. 

-Tell us how to help - Chips nudged me softly but firmly 

-Did it went through? - I asked filled with fake hope 

-Did it what? - the prospect holding a soaked cloth looked at me like I was a ghost 

-How many holes are there? - I smiled sarcastically - Is the bullet still inside or did it went through? Let me see. 

Chibs helped raising Kozik’s arm up and of course the bullet was still inside 

-I’m not a damn neuro or ortho to deal with such stuff smoothly - I said looking through Tara’s bag and trying to focus.

-You don’t have to get him perfectly fine, we can cut that arm off if you’ll say that’s the best option.

-Shut up Tig, that’s not funny anymore - said Jax

I looked up and saw him sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, sipping on his beer like nothing was happening.

I came back to the table and took a closer look at the wound. 

-It’s not deep, you have to hold him still and I’ll take the bullet out - I wasn’t sure how to do that, I had to deal with worse things in the past, but every memory of it just vanished at instant - I’ll count to three.

The faster the better. I saw a bloody mess before digging my fingers into the hole. It was gross even through the gloves, I thought I can feel my legs shaking. Trying not to make more damage I wanted to focus but the screams made it impossible and I couldn’t find the right angle to take a grip on the bullet. 

-Shut him the fuck up - I said calmly concentrating on where my fingers were going and suddenly I looked at my hand, hovered in blood, holding a shiny piece of metal

Glad that the worst part was already over I started to put stitches on, kinda surprised the bleeding almost stopped. 

-I don’t think any arteries were damaged, he should be fine soon - I said to Jax who was sitting on a stool next to mine 

-I really appreciate you came to help us, thank you - he said sadly, eyes locked on the countertop in front of him

-You’ve helped me enough, that’s the least I can do. If you ever need me again, don’t hesitate, I’ll gladly do it again - I said knowing it was bullshit, but he smiled slightly - I really have to go now, but I can check in tomorrow after work if you want me to. 

-That would be great, thank you - he said and I left to find Juice - Are you coming with me? - I said when our eyes met 

-Of course, let’s go -  his eyes not as bright as always, smile almost fully fainted and I instantly knew he was just disappointed with me

Tara would’ve done it better, of course, but she’s not here. I’m not even a doctor, and he’s alive so overall I didn’t do such a bad job. I rested my head on the cold window as I sat down in the passengers seat. The sky was beautifully clear, you could count all the stars, a perfect night for a walk, but surely I should forget about that. I closed my eyes and waited for the car to stop so I could just go to bed and burry myself under the covers. When we pulled up I took my purse from the back seat and grabbed the door handle, but Juice was faster as always. He opened the door for me and gave me his gentle hand along with a polite smile. I rushed ahead of him and quickly changed into my pajamas before crawling into bed, but it wasn’t long before he joined me, putting his hand on m hip and kissing my shoulder. We laid in silence for what felt like hours and I couldnt get myself to sleep, move or even talk. I was completely frozen wandering what he was thinking about.

-I’m sorry - was all I mumbled after getting enough courage to open my mouth

-You’re not asleep? - he stopped rubbing my arm and sounded pretty shocked 

-I really am, I know I should’ve done better, but I was just scared. I don’t know why, it’s not the circumstances, I just felt like I never did that before and it is fucking scary looking at the fact that im supposed to do such stuff everyday starting tomorrow. I think I’ve lost my damn spark, or whatever it was, I should just stayed behind the bar and do what I was good at. I don’t want that job anymore, I don’t want to do that and I’m scarred I’ll fuck someone's life soon, that’s clearly not for me. 

He didn’t interrupt my monologue, just grabbed my shoulder and rolled me over so that I was facing him. Is he really fucking smiling right now?

-I know it sounds pathetic and I don’t just feel sorry for myself, I think I-

He interrupted me this time with a soft chuckle followed by a clearly sad face.

-I should apologize to you, I promised to keep my life away from you, but I didn’t really have a choice there. But you did great y/n, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

-My hands were shaking - I said seriously 

-Have you ever taken a bullet out of a stranger’s arm? In a motorcycle clubhouse? Surrounded by a dozen of other bikers? - he smiled, but I knew it wasn’t honest

-No, but that’s not the point Juice - I heard my voice trembling, not aware of being at the edge of crying

-Oh don’t do that to me, I hate when you cry, especially when it's because of me, I promised not to do that anymore, remember? - his smile seemed more confident now and I almost fell for it 

-It’s not because of you, I don’t want to do that anymore.

-Then don’t - he said calmly looking me in the eyes

-What do you mean, „don’t”?

-Well, just don’t work, be a house wife and let me support you - he got a quiet laugh from me

-I’m sorry I’m such a whiner sometimes.

-I’m sorry I got you into that - he looked at the clock - you should go to sleep now, it’s late.

I didn’t want to know what time it is and I was glad he stayed quiet, knowing how little sleep I’ll get before my first day wasn’t a good idea. I snuggled into his chest feeling relaxed and safe, as I should’ve from the beginning. Next time just talk to him, burying your emotions won’t help.

-Thank you, goodnight.

-Goodnight, I love you. 

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. V

Juice Ortiz x female

Word count: 10.5k

Warnings: bad language, violence

When I opened my eyes I could feel his breath on my neck, his whole body pressed to my back and suprisingly I was still laying on his arm. I turned his way and felt relieved when I saw he’s not sleeping.

- Morning. You had a good sleep? It’s kinda late - the joy in his eyes made my day, no matter that I just woke up

- Jesus Christ aren’t you uncomfortable?

I tried to sit up but the sting of pain made me stay in place so I just moved my head off his arm.

- Actually, I haven’t slept this good in years - he was smiling wide when I felt like I had the biggest hangover ever

- Well, me too, even tho I don’t often sleep in stranger’s beds.

- I don’t really think I’m a stranger.

I looked at my phone and realized it’s 8am. I’m not sore or hungovered, I’m just tired.

- You literally just said it’s late.

- Isn’t it? I should probably be at work by now.

- You could just go. Jesus it’s 8am. I only wake up this early when I’m having some big event or someone is putting a gun to my head.

Last time I woke that early was when we were having dinner together.

- I didn’t want you to think I leave you - he smirked

- I’m not scared of you leaving me - I found the strength to sit up - you definitely wouldn’t do that.

- I’m scared you’re right. How are you feeling?

- My wrists are still sore, but the rest seems pretty fine.

That’s not true, but those bruises can’t be really harmful. He knows that as well, but refused to argue with me.

- Are you getting breakfast with me or want to go back to sleep?

- Maybe not breakfast yet, but a coffee sounds good.

I saw the look on his face, but he didn’t say anything again, comforting. It’s just too early for breakfast. He again helped me with my shirt and it started to get a bit embarrassing, but the pain let me just forget about it. When we entered the kitchen there was only one young, pretty girl making coffee.

- Hi - she looked at me with a really warming smile - I’m Sophia.

- I’m y/n - I mumbled not sure what was happening

- Just made a fresh coffee. You want some, Juice?

Her shiny eyes looking his way made me feel a little jealous. Oh stop, it’s not about being jealous. She smiled at me so nice and then offered him a coffee? Hello, I’m still here.

- We’re good, thanks.

- Sure - she replied pouring herself a cup and then left the kitchen

- You need to excuse them - he said as soon as we were alone - they need to proces the thought of a new old lady here. I mean, you’re not an old lady but you’re not a crow eater. Something in between. I mean-

- I don’t know what any of that means - I cut him off with a laugh when I heard he’s getting stressed - Who exactly is she?

- Well, she’s a crow eater - he said pouring me some coffee - they are here to, you know, help us. They help us, we help them.

- And they help you in every possible way, I guess?

- Yeah - he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment

- Well, I hope these sheets really were clean.

- You don’t have to worry about that - not sure why, but he was really convincing - should we go now?

- Sure - I let him lead me back to the big room

Instead of sitting on a couch we made our way to the bar, only one woman sitting there.

- Hi Gemma, aren’t you in the office? - she looked our way

- Just enjoying my coffee before work - she said not even looking at him - hello sweetheart.

- Hi, I’m y/n - I assumed she was talking to me as she wasn’t looking at Juice at all

- I know - her stare made me freeze for a moment but she quickly replaced it with a smile - come on, sit down.

I carefully sat next to her when Juice put his hand on my shoulder.

- I have to finish something in the garage, I’ll be back soon, just don’t get in trouble - he sent me a comforting smile and left the two of us alone

- So - she started slowly - how do you like it here?

I couldn’t tell if she was genuinely curious and nice or wanted to start one dead ass serious conversation.

- I mean, I just came here yesterday night.

- Right - she gently grabbed my chin to look at the bruise on my neck - and how are you feeling?

- I’m better now, Tara took care of me.

- Yeah, she’s a good person, you can rely on her.

I just nodded and smiled as nice as I could. Gemma was being nice but she still made me feel stressed, like she was looking straight into my soul and I don’t like when people do that.

- So, honey. I guess you left your job at Lodi before coming here. Are you planning on doing something or you just want to live off Juice using the fact how much he adores you?

She put me off guard with this question. Why would I be a house wife to a guy I barely know. Why would I use his money. Why would she assume he adores me, supposedly he wasn’t talking about me too much.

- Well, I got a job at St. Thomas a few days ago, I’m a nurse.

- Good for you, I don’t like chicks using the boys for money - her smile was warm but her stare freezing cold

- I’m not his chick and I’m trying to stay independent since I was 15 - I said confidently

Trying to get her to like me felt important. She really just seemed worried and careful about guys bringing in new girls, looking around at all the crow eaters I almost could understand why.

- I know you’re not just a chick. I can feel it. I think you’ll like it here. Juice definitely loves the fact you’re here with him. I know my boys sweetheart, I know how they feel - for the first time during our conversation I felt nice about what she said

- Hi Gemma, want a refill? - Sophie was standing behind us

- Yes, thank you darling.

- And you, y/n? - her smile hasn’t changed since I saw her in the kitchen

- Thank you, I’m good - I replied politely and stared back at my cup

- They will respect you, just don’t let them dominate you - Gemma said when we were alone again

- What do you mean?

- Honey - her smile was honest now - you’re not like them and they don’t like it, but you have to show them you know your position.

- And what exactly is my position here? - I felt dumb asking about such stuff but she seemed like a good person to talk about it

- They all wish they could be you.

The answer wasn’t satisfying. Do they think he fucks me? That we’re dating?

- So what do you want me to do to not get dominated? Fight them? - I jokingly said rising my eyebrows

- Nobody will blame you if you have to do that.

My smile disappeared right away. It really works like that? I have to fight for Juice? We’re not even dating, come on.

- I should go now, a lot of paperwork is waiting on my desk. You can come find me if you need anything, but now just relax, you look a little tensed.

I sat there sipping on my coffee and thinking about what Gemma just told me when I felt a hand landing on my back. I turned immediately just to see Tig smiling at me.

- Morning. Did I scare you?

- I’m a little paranoid, excuse me.

- Sorry - he laughed - didn’t mean to. Just wanted to ask how are you feeling.

- I’m good, really. I don’t want people to pity me.

- It’s not about that, we just care about you.

- I’m literally a stranger - I said with a straight face but he laughed again

- When Juice brings a girl here, it means something.

- Really? - I looked around at all the girls cleaning and talking with other members

- Hey, don’t worry about them. They’re mine.

- All of them?

- Yup, that’s my favourite one - he pointed at a redhead in a mini skirt - but for you I can make sure none of them lay their hands on Juice.

- I think he’s the one to watch who’s putting hands on him - I realised it sounded like I was jealous - but I don’t quite care, as I said, we’re not dating.

He just nodded and left the topic. After a while he asked if I wanted to take a look at the yard since he had nothing better to do. We went to see the garage and just sat on a bench to smoke, there wasn’t much sightseeing to do. I was surprised how well we got along. We talked about lots of stuff and our conversation might be much longer if Juice haven’t interrupted us.

- You hungry now?

- Only if I can get pancakes, I don’t really feel like anything else right now - I felt like what I said was fussy, but he replied with a smile

- Okay, let me change. I know a good place.

- Juicy can you get me some pancakes too? And a strawberry milkshake pleeease - Tig was mocking me

- Hey! - I laughed looking his way - and give me back my lighter you thief.

He took it out from his pocket and shook his head. When Juice got back I put my hand out and asked for car keys.

- You want to drive?

- I feel good now, you don’t think I’ll let you drive around Charming like it’s yours?

We went to a small dining right out of town. The orange juice wasn’t anything special but the pancakes were really good.

- You really drove with me 20 minutes just to get breakfast?

- You said you wanted pancakes - he smiled at his toast not looking at me - they’re good, huh?

- Actually I really like them, but was it worth to go here? Shouldn’t you be at work?

- I finished everything, I’m free for the rest of the day.

- Yeah, dream job - he laughed at my comment - could you drive back? You could drop me off at the hospital, I need to sign some papers.

He looked up at me with a serious face.

- You’re not going anywhere alone, I can come with you if you want.

- And what’s the problem? I guess my freaky ex won’t hurt me anymore.

- Probably not, but you’re new here, I’m not letting you walk around the town alone.

- And you think that me coming to my new job escorted by a biker is a good option?

- I’ll wait at the parking lot.

- Okay mom, sure.

When we parked outside of the hospital I asked Juice to get me an iced coffee and went inside to sign all the papers. On my way to the office I saw Tara.

- Hey y/n, everything’s alright? - she quickly looked around

- Oh yes, I forgot to tell you yesterday, I’m staring my new jobs as a nurse here - she seemed relieved

- Oh my god - she laughed - that’s great. You’re here alone?

- Juice is waiting for me. Should I be worried bout something?

- No, that’s good. You mind giving me a lift to the clubhouse? I need about 15 minutes and I’ll be finished.

- Sure, see you here in 15 minutes then.

I zipped my hoodie all the way up to make sure my bruises are not visible and went straight to the office. While signing the last one my sleeve slipped and revealed my bruised wrist.

- Are you okay? - she asked suspiciously

- Yeah, just a little accident.

I fixed my hair making sure the cut on my temple is not visible and tried to just laugh it off, but the lady behind the desk wasn’t convinced. Maybe she noticed my nose is not quite fine.

- I saw you talking with dr. Knowles earlier - she said calmly - I hope these two things are not connected.

- I’m not sure what you mean, I’m sorry.

I definitely know what she means.

- Well, if you say so. You can start next Monday, we’ll send you a schedule - she shook my hand

I stood up and started going towards the door when she said

- Y/n - I turned around intimidated by her directness - you can talk to me if you need help - her smile was now caring

- I assure you I’m okay, but thank you - I smiled back and left the room to look for Tara

She was already waiting for me at the door.

- And? How did it go?

- I thought it was all good, until she offered me help - I looked at my wrist - she saw me talking with you.

- Don’t worry, we really need good nurses now, that’s not going to be a problem - she smiled as we started walking towards the car

- But why would she think someone from the club hurt me?

- Y/n - we stopped for a moment - none of the guys would lay a finger on you. They have bad reputation at some places, but that’s it. You really don’t have to worry about it.

- Okay - was all I could say before going back to the clubhouse

After we arrived Juice asked me to stay in the car so he can go get my bag. I waited for him to come back when one of the guys came up to me and leaned on the open window.

- Morning - I haven’t seen him before but the „President” patch explained it - I’m Clay, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too Clay, I’m y/n - something in his stare made me feel uncomfortable

- We’re having a party this weekend, hope to see you there.

And he left, that was all. Weird. Juice came back after a minute and we went straight to his house. I put my bag on the table and tried to brush my hair but my hands wouldn’t cooperate with me.

- I think I might need your help - I said while fighting with the hair tie on my braid

- What’s up?

- I really need to wash my hair.

- And what exactly do you want me to do? - he sipped on his beer looking at me struggling with my shaky fingers

- And what do you think I’m asking you to do? - I gave up on the tie - nevermind.

I rolled my eyes and started going through my bag to find shampoo and conditioner. He stood behind me and gently took the tie off my hair and brushed it.

- Of course I will help you, don’t want you to drown in the bath - I could hear him smiling wide

- Really funny - I said finding what I needed

- I’ll ran the water for you - he said grabbing the bottles from me and headed to the bathroom

When I entered the bathroom I saw he made sure there was a lot of foam, so he wouldn’t see too much. How cute I thought sarcastically and went in the hot water. Juice joined me a few minutes later, sitting on the edge of the bath, he gently started washing my hair.

- I’ve never done this before - he said massaging my scalp

- Believe me or not, but me too. I always make sure my hair is washed when I go for a haircut I hate people touching my hair.

- It’s worth it. I love your hair - he laughed - So, what do you think about the boys?

- They are all surprisingly nice, I’m not sure if it’s a good sign.

- Chibs and Tig really like you. Give the rest some time to get to know you and I’m sure they all will.

- I’m not sure what I think about Clay, he seems… Weird? Well, I don’t know - I shrugged my shoulders

- Yeah, he can be difficult sometimes, but don’t worry.

- He told me about some party this weekend.

- Yeah, we have another charter coming to town for a vote, they will stay for a while probably. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to - I turned around after he put conditioner in my hair

- Are you going?

- I mean, depends on you, I can come back after the meeting - he said carelessly

I thought about what Clay told me earlier, wondering if it was only about knowing me better or something else.

- I think we should go.

- Sure - I turned away again and let him rinse my hair for the last time

I dried myself with a towel and went back to the living room. Juce greeted me with a hairbrush and told me to sit in front of him.

- Do you know how to braid? - I asked when he was brushing my wet hair

- Huh? - he laughed

- I don’t know, a dutch braid? Anything?

- Honey, the best thing I can do is a ponytail. I guess, I never tried, but it seems easy. What do you want for dinner? We should go shopping.

- I don’t know - I looked at him, we were sitting awkwardly close now - you think of something and I can make it.

- Rice? - he asked

- Chicken?

- Sweet chilli?

I laughed. I love sweet chilli.

- We can get some groceries when your hair dries and I’ll help you with dinner.

- Wow, you really want me to stay, don’t you?

- By doing the bare minimum? Damn girl, you’re easy to satisfy - he laughed, but that’s when the smile left my face

Realising I grew up in toxic relationships wasn’t easy to accept. Things that for him were normal meant the world to me and the thought just crushed me. He pulled his hands out and I leaned in to hug him. The sudden thought of him leaving me or just changing was too much. It was like I just felt all the sorrow and pain from yesterday, tears dropping down my cheeks. I sat myself on his lap and hid my face in the crook of his neck when he stroke my hair waiting for my breath to settle. I couldn’t stop, just cried like a baby when his arms wrapped around me tighter. After a few minutes this embarrassing wave of sadness was basically gone and I realised how weak I am for doing that, but he wouldn’t loosen his grip.

- Just don’t leave me now, okay? Give me some time to settle down - I mumbled without lifting my head

- I won’t leave you unless you beg me to do that - he said and kissed my head - feeling better now?

- Yeah, I do that sometimes - I laughed looking at him - you’ll have to get used to it.

- I’ll make sure you don’t have any more reasons to cry about - he wiped my eyes with his sleeve - come on, I’ll dry your hair and we can go shopping

- You have a hair dryer? - I looked at his mowhawk

- You can use it for other things too.

- I don’t even want to ask.

When we came back I realised how hungry I am, so we started preparing the dinner right away.

- You know you don’t have to pay for me every time, right? I’m homeless, not poor - he laughed at my comparison - the way you slammed my hand away from the card reader was actually rude.

- I’m sorry I’m not letting you be as independent as you wish, princess.

- Rinse the rice before cooking it - he gave me a stare

- So you’re better at everything, huh?

- Probably yes, you can just ask for help if you can’t figure it out - I took the rice from his hands as he was standing still after my comment

- You’re unbelievable, seriously.

After we ate I laid down on the couch and felt asleep minutes later, waking up before 8 is not for me. When I woke up I realised Juice covered me with a blanket, but he wasn’t sitting on the couch with me. It was already dark so I took my phone to check the time and saw a message from him.

Sorry, I had to go. Call me when you wake up please.

So I did.

- You slept good? - he was smiling, I could hear that.

It’s a good sign.

- Yeah, where are you?

- Just some club shit. I’ll be back in a few hours, you want me to call a prospect and get you to the clubhouse?

- I’m good, just get home safe.

- Just please stay inside, okay? Don’t let anyone in.

- Sure - I rolled my eyes glad that he couldn’t see it

I put the phone down and made myself a cup of tea. I went to the bedroom and grabbed one of his books I found on a shelf. I sat on the bed but fell asleep before finishing the first chapter. I woke up when someone was getting the book out of my hands.

- Sorry for waking you up, but you should probably lie down, sitting is not a good position for sleep - Juice was standing above me just smiling

I looked him up and down. He’s definitely been in a fight. New bruises and scratches, blood stains on his white shirt.

- Are you okay? - I asked truly concerned, but he just smiled at me

- I’ll go take a shower and you should change and go to sleep. Promise I won’t wake you up before noon tomorrow - he left with a big smile

I just sat on the bed and looked at the cup of cold tea I left at the nightstand. When he came back I admired how good he was looking just standing there.

- Do you have a first aid kit? I’ll clean you up.

- I’ll see what I have.

I looked at the clock, it was 3am. Is this a routine? He came back with a little bag.

- Is it always like that? - he came closer and sat on the bed next to me

- We’re having a hard time recently. I’m sorry you got here now, you shouldn’t go through this shit. That’s not the better life you’ve been fighting for lately. I’m sorry - he really looked upset with himself

I wasn’t sure what to do so I just started cleaning the cuts on his face, they were deep, but the ones on his arms were probably made with a knife.

- Should I ask? - I know I shouldn’t, but still tried to make him talk

He just shook his head slowly and let me finish what I was doing.

- Well, okay. Just remember you can talk to me. When I’m already doing that, how’s the cut on your ribs? - he was smiling again

- Almost perfectly healed, you did a good job there.

- Uhm, okay. Can I see?

- Just say you want me to take my shirt off - he said with a grin

- Yeah, I want to admire your body so take that shirt off.

I was starting to get tired of him teasing me this way so I chose to play along and it put him off guard.

- Come on - I insisted

He carefully took his shirt off looking at me the whole time. I took the bandaid off and examined the wound.

- Yeah, it looks pretty good. Next time you should come to me immediately.

He was just sitting there speechless.

- What now? You can get dressed - I laughed and handed him the shirt

- Aren’t you tired? - he asked quietly

- Yeah, I think I’ll go to sleep for good now. Just don’t get in trouble again.

- I’m staying here for the rest of the night, promise.

- Here?

And my question was honest. I didn’t know if he meant the bed or the house. Yesterday I asked him to stay with me just because I wanted to feel safe, but what will he do today? Where are we at with all this?

- I can sleep on the couch if you don’t want me here - he was teasing me again

- Well, I never said I don’t want you to stay here, basically it’s your bed. But as you wish - I played along

- Okay, so pass me the pillow please.

I just looked at him and at the pillow, then at him again.

- You don’t want me to go, do you?

- What are we doing Juice? What is this? - no emotions in my voice, I just wanted to know what he thinks about it - We’re not dating, but there is something between us. I don’t know if I’m attracted to you romantically or is it just you playing with me. It’s just-

- You’re attracted to me? - he cut me off

- In some way, yes. We’ve been doing this for some time now and I have to know where we’re at.

He sat next to me and grabbed my hand.

- You’re the most magnificent woman I’ve ever met - I laughed at his distinguish word choice - I mean it. You’re smart, caring and I don’t know, but I really think that you’re someone special. I really want this to work out. I really want us to move forward, really. I don’t want to push on you, sorry I’ve been teasing you this whole time, I’ve never been in that kind of situation.

- Because every women you’ve met before just spreaded their legs for you? - he laughed

- I’ve been in a serious relationship, maybe two if we count the high school one. But it was easier, I’m scared I’ll loose you and I think I’m actually lost at this point. I’m sorry.

- Stop apologising, please.

- I just want you to know where we’re at - he laughed as he didn’t just make a love confession or something like that

- So you’re staying here?

He laid down and pulled me in by my waist.

- Yes I am.

His voice calm, one arm under my head, the other one hugging me closely, palm under my cheek. I could feel his heartbeat like he was stressed. A big biker boy scared of getting into a new relationship. But what he just said calmed me down. I was glad we were both taking it seriously, just no need to hurry. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment trying to fall asleep, but I wasn’t tired now. After a few minutes I turned his way. He wasn’t sleeping, eyes wide open.

- What? - I laughed when he put a hand on my hip

- I really want to kiss you now.

- I really want you to do that.

He cupped my face with one hand and pulled me in with another. It wasn’t a greedy, desperate kiss, but the slow and soft one. He moved his hand from my hip and put it in my hair as he was trying to pull me in even closer. When we broke the kiss I pulled away, looking at him as he was brushing his fingers through my hair.

- I really meant it when I said I love your hair.

I woke up before 10, still early, but I got much sleep the day before. I walked to the kitchen and saw Juice sitting on the couch in the living room, playing something. He took off his headphones.

- The coffee is fresh, help yourself. What do you want for breakfast?

- I can make it myself, thank you - I said sitting next to him

- So you’re again not going to eat? I can take you for pancakes if the homemade ones are not good enough for you - he wasn’t looking at me, focused on the game

- I’ll eat, but later.

- You want me to finish now?

- No problem, I’ll watch you play - I placed a kiss on his cheek and saw him getting distracted by that

He finished a few minutes later. Probably he wasn’t really finished, but I was distracting him too much. He picked me up and placed on his tighs.

- How’d you sleep? Better than yesterday?

- I think I won’t need two naps today - I said putting my hands behind his neck

- Good to hear that - he kissed me gently

I put my head on his shoulder and we just stayed like that for a moment.

- Are you going to the clubhouse today?

- I don’t have work, but Jax said we need to discuss something in the evening.

- Will you be back for dinner?

- I’ll try. What are we eating?

- I’ll figure something out. Can I go to the store? - I finally lifted my head when I heard him laugh

- Maybe we just order takeout?

- Are you kidding me?

- Okay, I can go shopping with you.

- Juice, I want to go myself, nothing will happen.

- Why? - I didn’t know if he was resentful or just sad and offended

- Are you trying to control me? - I raised my eyebrow

- Y/n… - he looked both shocked and upset now - it’s not about controlling you, you know that. I want you to be safe.

- I know, but you don’t have to do that, I’ll be alright, promise.

- Okay, I’m sorry, I’m just worried about you.

- I know, but there’s no need to do that.

It was starting to annoy me. I’m not a child. I’m not in danger. I just want to live as a normal person, which was already hard with Juice’s daily routine consisted of drinking, fighting and disappearing. He was paying a lot of attention to me, but still it was hard to take. It was my third day here, and everyday it was mostly the same. I knew he lives like that. I realised it back in Lodi, when he unexpectedly stopped answering my texts or couldn’t come when we were supposed to meet, but it was easier when I wasn’t with him. Now when I lived with him under one roof I felt how hard it was, not only for me. I knew something bad was happening and that’s why he refused to leave me alone when I wasn’t at home or at the clubhouse. I knew how hard it was for him, leaving me home alone at night. It was hard for us after three days. How are we going to do that later? How is it going to work?

- Is it ever going to change? - I asked after a few minutes of silence and he just sighed

- I wish, but I can’t assure you when.

- But will it?

Another sigh.

- Club meetings is something I can’t avoid - he brushed his fingers through my hair

- But you know I’m not talking about meetings.

He didn’t say anything and put my head back on his shoulder. Another few minutes went by and I felt too comfortable sitting like that.

- I’ll fall asleep in a minute - I said standing up - what did you eat for breakfast? - I asked looking for an inspiration for my own meal

- Toast.

- Damn you’re boring, you eat toast everyday?

- And what’s wrong with that? - he laughed - I wanted to get you some too, but wasn’t planning on waking you up as I promised, it’s still soo early…

- How cute - I said rolling my eyes

- But it’s not too late if you want some.

- You’ll make me breakfast? I’m not asleep anymore - I laughed nervously

- Does it matter if you’re asleep? I just want to do something nice. You should be treated as you deserve, let me show you how it is - he laughed at my facial impression

- Yeah okay, you want me to cry again? - now I was laughing with him, even tho it still kinda hurt, not sure why - I’d like some toast…

- I can make you something else if you don’t want to be as boring as me.

I only looked at him and left to sit on a bench outside to smoke. Trying to admire how peaceful Charming is comparing to LA my thoughts went back to thinking about us. If it’s actually going to work. But when I saw him coming through the door with a plate for me I realised it’s not a good time to worry about that. He won’t hurt me. Not on purpose.

- Enjoy - he said handing me the plate

- Thank you honey. If you still want to we can go get groceries together - I sent him a warm smile

It’s nothing bad that he cares about me and wants to make sure I’m safe. He’s not controlling me. I shouldn’t have said that.

- I know you just care about me, let me get used to that - I decided to speak up looking at him, not sure if he’s surprised or upset again

- I’m sorry you feel that way - he gave me a sad but warming look

- You shouldn’t apologise so much and you shouldn’t be sorry for how I feel, especially when it’s not your fault. Why are you blaming yourself so much, do you want to talk about it? - I didn’t know how to encourage him to speak about his feelings so I tried asking directly

- I’m just trying to help you, now eat, It’ll be cold in a minute.

I ate my breakfast in silence. We went shopping again, but this time decided to get more stuff, so we won’t have to get groceries everyday. He again refused to let me pay, but I stopped trying, as he wish, let him feel like a gentleman. When we were almost done with making lunch, Juice got a phone call and from his short answers I could tell right away what was going on.

- So we won’t eat together? - I tried to seem careless

- I’m so sorry baby - he kissed my forehead - but please eat this, see you in the evening.

We kissed goodbye and I was alone again, turning on some music I finished making lunch and ate it alone. I decided to use my free time on walking around the house and seeing if I can find something interesting there. The whole place was so neat I refused to believe a single man lives here. Single? I got a few books that seemed interesting and put them on the couch to look which one I want to read and went back to see the rest of the house. I wasn’t sure if I was looking for something special, or just looking around. Maybe I was paranoid, but what can he hide here? I went to the garage and saw a bike, but not the one he rode. I came closer and realised some of the parts are unscrewed, he’s fixing it, guess he won’t be mad if I take a look. Happy that I found myself something to do I started working on the bike. Spent almost three hours there and realised it’s dark outside. I started making dinner and waited for a call to hear him saying he’s coming back, but he didn’t. When I finished I sat at the table and looked through the books. Finding the most interesting one I started reading, but after about a hundred pages the hunger got over. I came to the oven and decided to heat up the meal. After eating I tried to focus back on the book, but I started getting worried and tired, so the best option was going to sleep. I’ll get some rest and won’t be able to think about what’s going on. I took a shower and saw his T-shirt on the bed. I had my own, but still decided to wear his. I went under covers and scrolled through Twitter trying to settle my thoughts. I was tired, but couldn’t sleep ‘till 2am. When my eyelids got heavy and I felt relief realising I can now just put my phone down and go to sleep. One last look, no messages, no calls.

I woke up and immediately felt safer when I saw his arm wrapped around me.

- I’m so so sorry- he whispered when I opened my eyes

- Are you okay? - I asked half-asleep and turned to snuggle into his chest

- That lasagna was really good, I’m sorry you had to eat it alone.

- Jesus, Juice - I said not lifting my head - stop apologising. You could’ve said that you’re not going to make it, but I’m not mad or upset with you. I’ll just have to get used to that.

I pulled back to look him in the eyes and assure him it’s okay when I realised he’s not wearing a shirt. I paused getting my time to look at his tattooed chest and muscled arms. He laughed quietly.

- You stole my shirt.

- I just borrowed it - I shrugged my shoulders

- Another one? I’ll have to go buy a whole new wardrobe if you keep doing that.

- Okay, I was stressed and it made me feel safer, you satisfied now? I’ll wash it and you can have it back.

I tried to roll back over but he grabbed my hip refusing to let me do that.

- You can take everything you want and everything that makes you feel safe.

His smile makes me feel safe.

- What are you wearing today?

Shit, I forgot about the party.

- Is it like… official or can I just wear jeans? - I asked hoping I won’t have to dress up, especially that I didn’t brought any official clothes yet

- Jeans are totally fine, you should be comfortable, that’s it.

- So let me guess what you’re wearing. Hmmmm, let’s think… cargo pants, white T-shirt and your cutte? - I asked like he had any other clothes in the wardrobe

- I was thinking black today - he laughed and hugged me gently

It wasn’t so necessary now, my ribs weren’t so sore and even my wrists felt better, but maybe that’s just an illusion after what I came through lately. Doesn’t matter, it’s okay. I sat up on the bed looking around and thinking what I want to eat.

- Do you want me to braid your hair? - he rested his head on his hand

- You said you don’t know how to do that - I started looking through the clothes I took - I think I need to go to Lodi and get all my stuff now

- We can go tomorrow if you want, I can help you. So what about the braids? - he asked again and I gave him a confused look - I couldn’t sleep yesterday so I watched some tutorials on how to do that.

- Are you kidding me? - we both laughed

- Well, probably it won’t be perfect but I can try if you let me practise on you.

My braids really weren’t perfect, but I still decided to keep them because of how much effort he put in making them. The fact that he spent so much time learning, only because he didn’t come to eat dinner with me like he promised, melted my heart. Such a simple but precious act of engagement, caring about our relation. I spent the rest of the day on doing makeup and deciding what to wear. I knew the party wasn’t anything big, but I still wanted to look good, and more important, I wanted to be liked. Just make a good impression, it’ll be alright. Juice had to leave earlier for a meeting so he offered me to go with him.

- You could help Gemma with some arrangements. Or you can just sit and chill until we’re finished - he said when we were cleaning after lunch

- Yeah, no problem, I’ll find myself something to do - I rested my back on the kitchen counter

- Hey - he stood in front of me, trapping me with his body, hands flat besides my hips - don’t stress so much, people really like you there.

- But there will be a lot of new people, drugs, alcohol and sluts. I just have bad memories about such places - we both laughed

- I promise you there’s nothing to worry about, after the meeting we can leave anytime you want, just tell me if you fell uncomfortable - he put a hand on my cheek and rubbed it gently with his thumb

- Thank you - I rested my forehead on his chest

- Ready to go?

- Yup, let me just grab my purse.

When we arrived at the clubhouse it was surprisingly quiet, especially when guys disappeared behind the chapel doors for their first meeting. I was wandering around looking for Gemma and found her in the kitchen.

- Hi Gem - I said standing at the door

- Hello sweetheart - she turned my way and looked at the man standing next to her - Chucky, that’s y/n.

- Hello young lady - he came closer and I shook his wooden hand

- Don’t ask, I got them from eBay - said Gemma peacefully like that should clarify my concerns

I must’ve still looked shocked, because he said

- The Chinese chopped my fingers off and Gemma didn’t like that - he was dead ass serious and I couldn’t help, just smiled acting like I know what’s going on

- Do you two need help with anything? I’m not sure what to do with myself - I asked to end the silence

- You should get some rest - Chucky said cheerfully and jumped to the other side of the counter to cut some veggies

- Watch your fingers with that knife - I smiled and he looked at me, tapping his wooden hands on the cutting board, apparently to show me how hard they are

- Come on, let’s get a drink - Gemma wrapped her arm around my shoulder and leaded me to the bar

When we sat down I took a moment to look around. All the girls were so quiet, polishing glasses and cleaning tables, only me and Gemma were sitting and not doing anything. I felt bad about that, some eyes looking my way like I did something wrong made it worse.

- Don’t they need help? I can help them - I said seriously but Gemma just smiled

- Love, can you get us some beers? - she looked at the girl on the other side of the bar and she immediately left what she was doing to serve us - don’t worry, it’s their job.

I still felt uncomfortable, but when we started talking I forgot about everything that’s happening around us. I wasn’t sure if Gemma trusts me, or even likes me, but I tried to show her that I don’t have bad intentions, Juice just were in the wrong place at the wrong time, which leaded to him meeting me, but I meant no harm. She told me more about the charter that was going to come here. I was stunned by her directness, not sure if it’s a good thing, maybe she’s trying to check if I can be trusted.

- Guys are trying to move away from the drugs. Our charter don’t really do that, but some of the other ones live off it. Jax wants to move the whole club for more legitimate business, they opened a porn studio, and that money is clean. He wants to help other charters, they’re coming here today to vote on leaving drugs for good. They’re coming from north, that’s why they’ll stay here. There are also going to be some CaraCara girls here, you need to know that some of them are greedy whores and try to mess with people.

- I don’t think I’ll care as long as they don’t hurt me - I cut her off not wanting to hear about drugs, whores and pornstars anymore

- Just keep your eyes open.

After Gemma finished her sentence the door slammed open and it was loud again. I saw Tig coming my way.

- I haven’t seen you for soooooo long - he hugged me picking me up from the stool and placed me on the floor

- Literally two days - I said taking a step back to look at him and Opie

- Sooooo long - he repeated himself laughing

- Jesus, give the girl some peace - Opie laughed looking at me - have you seen Lyla? Is she here already?

- I’m sorry Ope, I don’t really know who she is so she’s probably not here yet.

- Oh sure - he laughed again - she’s my old lady.

- She’s a girl from CaraCara - Tig “whispered”

- Don’t worry, she’s the cool one - said Opie

- Yeah, she’s actually pretty nice - Tig patted my shoulder and came towards the bar

- I’ll tell her to find you when she arrives, I think you two cloud get along pretty well - he said before walking away

I looked around to find Juice but the whole place got crowded in a second. Standing there trying to focus I felt a hand on my waist and then saw Clay.

- Good to see you here, I thought you won’t come - he said with the same mysterious grin

- Why wouldn’t I? - he laughed looking around and left

This man scared the shit out of me. And I finally saw Juice, he was already coming my way so I headed to the bar and waited for him to join me.

- You good? - he laughed sitting next to me

- I met Chucky - I said like that was something to be proud of and he laughed again

God his laugh is so precious.

- He might seem creepy at first but-

- Hey - I cut him of louder than needed - he’s adorable!

He smiled like I just said something really smart and took the bottle some girl just put in front of him.

- You want another beer or something else?

- I’ll take the beer for now - I took the bottle and looked over the girl behind the bar

She definitely wasn’t pleased about what he did, but she took another one from the fridge and handed it to him with a wide smile. It’s definitely a fake smile, but it’s pretty, the guys like it. She looked at me once again, but I didn’t care, looked at Juice again. With his arms resting on the bar, head slightly tilted he was looking at me with his beautiful dark eyes.

- Why are you looking at me like that? - he couldn’t keep a straight face anymore and started laughing

- Cause you look good - I said confidently

We kept the eye contact so long that I felt like it was a staring contest.

- Hello lads - Chibs bursted in between us forcing us to look at him - needing a moment of privacy?

- What’s up? - I asked looking at his funny wide smile

- Lyla was looking for you, I guess she’s not a fan of spending parties with her slutty coworkers - I laughed out loud - she’s on the couch. Come on Juicy, we need to get some chairs for the boys, they’ll be here any minute.

I smiled at them and made my way to the couch. Not sure how I found her, there were a lot of couches, but only one person looked like she could be the sweet girl they all were talking about. She smiled at me when I was getting closer, probably with my bruises, lighter but still visible now, I was easier to recognise. I sat next to her and handed her a beer as I didn’t have enough courage to ask the girls for a different drink.

- Hey! You must be y/n! - she was so cheerful - I’m Lyla, nice to meet you. I’m not a fan of these parties and Opie told me you don’t look like you’d enjoy them either.

- What? - I laughed - I like parties, why would he say that. You know, I’m a little bit uncomfortable here, knowing only a few of them, getting so many stares from all these girls.

She’s that girl too.

- I mean, you know, some of them are not quite fond of me - I tried to get out of the situation the safest way posible, but she just gave me a warm smile

- I understand what you’re talking about. Some of them don’t know any boundaries, and sadly some of the boys like it. Don’t worry I’m not interested in anybody besides Ope - she laughed

She laughed. That’s good, I was scared I offended her. She actually seems like a nice person. I was impressed by how good our conversation went. Mostly when someone says “hey that’s my girlfriend, you’ll like her” and leaves us alone it’s weird and uncomfortable, but Lyla was such a warm person. It felt like we were sitting there for 15 minutes but when I looked at all the bottles we emptied and realised the place actually got really crowded now I realised it was way longer. Juice and Opie approached us moments after.

- Hey, how was it? - Juice asked when Opie and Layla left for a smoke

- She’s actually one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met - I said being totally honest

- I’m glad you found someone to keep you company when we had the meeting.

- Oh wait, so it’s over?

- Yeah - he laughed - looks like you really had a good talk.

- Actually we’re having a coffee date on Monday after my work - I smirked

- Good you chose coffee this time - he looked at the table with all the empty bottles on it and laughed - you want another one?

- Actually I’m done with beers for today, but all the drinks she makes just look dull - I looked at the girl behind the bar who was more interested in they guys near her than actual bartending - I’d like a margarita or maybe just a mojito, but she puts whiskey in literally everything.

- If you want you can just go and make yourself anything you like. I’d help you but I have no clue about that - he smiled and took the half-empty beer out of my hand - and you can get me another one on your way back.

- You want me to go behind the bar and serve myself? That sounds weird - I was thinking about doing it but still resisted

- No one will look weird at you. Most of them drink whiskey so she’s probably used to add it to everything, but trust me, they’d drink a mimosa if you gave them one.

- Oh sure, stop it.

- Come on, don’t be shy babe.

- Oh well, I’ll go, but come and get your own beer - I winked at him and headed to the bar

The girl standing there didn’t saw me at first but she looked at me when I started going through the bottles.

- Oh hi! I’m sorry, I’ll just make myself one and disappear, I don’t want to interrupt you.

Stop being such a people pleaser, these bitches hate you.

- No problem girl, ask if you can’t find something - she smiled and went back to her conversation

Maybe they don’t hate me? I started pouring myself a drink and I looked over at Juice just to see some blonde handing him a beer and sitting right next to him on the couch. Come on. She looked like she was having the time of her life but Juice was rather tensed. Then just tell her to get out. But he didn’t, they were talking and I continued my drink being as slow as I can, I wanted to see what he does. But all he did was give me an apologising stare and continue the chat.

- Hey gorgeous - Chibs pulled me out of my thoughts - can you make me something too?

- Old fashion or whisky sour? - I laughed knowing his Scottish ass only drink beer and whiskey

- I’d drink anything from you darlin’ - his warm smile made me feel better

But I knew he came here to make sure if I’m okay. Why wouldn’t I be? He’s just talking with her, no big deal. No big deal. I can’t keep him away from women just because we’re maybe going to be a couple, that’s nothing serious for now. Right at this moment she put a hand on his tigh. Quite high, huh? But he just flicked it off. I smiled to myself and continued making the drink. I looked over once again and saw the girl getting up from the couch. She was laughing like she just heard the best joke ever, but she was definitely hurt by being rejected. Well, shouldn’t have tried bitch. I gave Chibs his glass and he smiled lightly.

- Are you okay?

- Sure I am, why not? - I was pretty pissed, but that’s just a moment and it’ll be fine

- If he ever hurts you just find me and I’ll teach him how to treat a woman - he raised his glass and took a sip - oh, that’s really good.

His eyes went to the bartender and he shook his head, probably to show me that I made him a better drink.

- I appreciate that Chibs, thanks.

- Which one? About respecting women or your good whisky sour? - he winked and walked away

Since I had my drink done I also wanted to go back to Juice, but when I was putting the bottles away I heard someone behind my back.

- Make me a mojito - she said like a demand

I smiled and turned her way just to see it’s the same girl who was just hitting up on Juice. She put her empty glass on the counter and looked me in the eyes. I’ve never seen such a fake smile ever before.

- I mean, I’m not bartending here, but if you ask I can get you one. Or just ask the girl over there, she can make you something - I tried to say it nicely, maybe she didn’t know Juice is not quite single anymore

Is he single? Yeah, fuck that, I’ll worry about it later.

- What’s the big deal?

- Excuse me? - and I was for real, what kind of attitude was that

- I just want you to make me a drink, I don’t think you understood me correctly.

- I understood perfectly, but I’m not a maid, what are you even talking about? - I looked around to find some help but no one close was interested in our conversation - I can make you one, that’s not a problem, just know it’s not my job.

I went to grab a bottle and discretely look under the counter for some rat poison. Jesus Christ y/n. I put some limes in the glass when she grabbed her dirty one and looking me dead in the eyes “by accident” dropped it on the floor. I looked around in shock but not many eyes were on us, people here were probably used to glass shattering sound.

- You’re going to clean it or not? - she said since I was dead silent

Yeah, I’m done now. I rested my elbows on the counter and came closer to her.

- I just wanted to be nice. Which part of “I’m not a maid” didn’t you understand?

- And I just wanted you to make me a drink, that’s what you’re here for, but it seems to hard for you. You think it’s so easy to get a dick here? Work for it.

I was absolutely stunned, I dealed with many types of customers, but she was fucking insane and I wasn’t even working. I was looking for a safe way to end this conversation, but her thinking she had any right to treat me like that made me wild. I took the glass with limes and slowly moved it over the edge. Playing her game I just dropped it without hesitation. I saw Juice smiling at the sound of the glass breaking. She was rather impressed, probably waiting for me to apologise and clean up after her than giving back the same energy. We looked at each other for a second. I saw a prospect coming our way, probably wanted to clean the mess, but Clay held him back. He was watching me closely the whole time. I took a broom and made my way to the other side of the bar, standing right next to the blonde bitch I saw her smile slowly coming back. But I put the broom down near her stool instead of cleaning the glass like she thought I’ll do.

- If I were you I would clean that up before I have to ask the guys for help - I winked at her

The urge to just grab her hair and bring her to the floor was strong, but a few seconds were enough for me to tell that she was rather shocked by my reaction. I took my drink and went to sit next to Juice.

- I don’t like that slut - I said calmly looking at her cleaning the floor

- I don’t like her either - he replied trying to also sound calm - I’m sorry.

- Well, looked like you two were having a good time, but I can’t forbid you doing that - I smiled, honest or not, it was still a cute smile and I knew that - let’s not talk about it, I don’t care.

Rest of the party was quite calm. Well, a lot of gross, funny and scary things happened, that was a crazy night, but stripped girls sleeping on the tables or puke on the floor didn’t bother me. I spent a lot of time with Layla talking about everything and nothing. I spent a lot of time with the guys, they were more relaxed than ever and it was even easier to bond with them. And I spent a lot of time with Juice. Nice time. I wasn’t sure if the stares I got from some girls were the kind of stares I was thinking about, but I didn’t quite care. It’s his choice, but if he let me I’m not letting anyone near him. After a long time I really had a good time during a party, no matter how crazy it was, I felt relaxed and I realised there are people who care about me, even a little. Basically it was just a stupid party, but it made a difference for me.

- You wanna go home? - Juice asked when I rested my head on his shoulder

- I mean, I’m sleepy, but I’d prefer to stay here for the night, you’re drunk - I laughed - and so am I.

- Well, you’ve got some point there.

He stood up and grabbed my hand gently. When we were walking down the hall I could see the blonde bitch staring at me almost the whole time and remembered when Gemma said “They all wish they could be you”. You wish slut. We entered the room and I immediately laid down on the covers.

- Hey - Juice laughed closing the door - come on, change and go to sleep.

- Yeah, give me a minute - I moved to lay on my side facing the other way

He sat on the floor and rested his head on his arms right next to my face.

- Baby - he started quietly - I’m sorry I did that, I know I should tell her to fuck off right away. I just didn’t want to be rude and then she started acting weird, but I told her to go.

- Juice, stop. I can’t make you ignore every woman now. I can’t make you do anything, nothing bad happened.

- But I saw how you were looking at her. And what she did after was fucking ridiculous. I won’t let anybody treat you like that, but you handled it really well, I’m proud of you.

I sit up and pulled him in as I could feel my eyes watering. Hearing that someone was proud of me was a big thing. I changed and went under the covers waiting for him to undress and do the same. After he did I snuggled into his chest immediately.

- You know I want you and only you and that’s why you can make me ignore every woman ever? - he asked brushing his fingers through my hair

- I doesn’t work like that - I whispered

He didn’t reply, just held my chin and kissed me so passionately I wanted to completely melt under his touch. When he broke the kiss he moved back a little to see my face.

- I love you y/n.

Okay, what? That’s early. That’s hard. That’s new. That’s impressive. That’s unexpected.

- Juice, it’s really okay, you don’t have to ensure me about such things, I told you I don’t care about what happened - that’s probably a good response, but I don’t know what to say

- No, I mean it - he laughed loudly

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. IV

Juice Ortiz x female

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: toxic relationship, abuse, blood, injuries, mentions of crimes, angst

A/N: Maybe it’s a little too much, but I really felt like it, promise the other parts will be more calm and fluffy, still hope you enjoy🥰

It’s been a few days now, and not much has changed. He still wasn’t talking to me about things he should, but I knew it was only a matter of time. But at least we talked a lot, about everything except the important things, but it’s okay. If he wasn’t here we were texting and it made me feel more safe.

I got up late, enjoying my day off, when I got an unexpected call. It was from St. Thomas, one of the hospitals I applied to. They wanted me to come for an interview and I could actually go there the same day, since I wasn’t at work, so I took a quick shower, did my makeup and put a jacket on to cover the tattoos on my arms. At least for the interview. I really wanted to get this job and the phone call was promising. I sat in my car, feeling like I wasn’t there for ages. Sound of the engine starting warmed my heart a little. I was still stressed, but nothing bad can happen, the worst thing is them not hiring me, but that’s not the end of the world. Driving 30 miles and obeying all the rules was pretty boring, so I decided to step on the gas harder. I knew well why I stopped doing that, but still, it can’t get any worse now, can it?

The lady interviewing me was much nicer than I expected and at the end she said I can get started next week. After that she was talking about some papers I’ll need to sign, but I couldn’t focus on that. The only thing in my head was who should I call first. My shitty boss, telling him I won’t stand behind his shitty bar ever again, or Juice. That one won’t be so easy, me moving from Lodi might make our situation worse. Leaving the room and going down the hall I was staring at my phone, wondering what should I tell him first. New job, moving out? I stared at my phone and stopped rapidly before tripping over some man. He stopped too, so I looked at him. Pretty tall, black beard and hair with silver accents, two long scars by his mouth, imitating a wide smile. But that was not what I was looking at, his cutte was hella familiar.

- Holy shit - I said before thinking of anything else

- Hi - he laughed - can I help you?

- Uh-huh. I have a quick question.

- Go on then - his smile was warm

- Is “Redwood Original” the name of your charter? - I pointed at his patch, which I saw way too many times, but on a different guy

- Ya. Why? - I liked his accent

- And what are you doing here?

- What do you mean by “here”? - his laugh was a bit comforting looking at the weirdness of the situation - The hospital?

- No, what are you doing in Charming?

- Well, darlin’ I live here.

- You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!

- I’m actually not, but can you tell me what’s wrong?

- Nothing’s wrong. Could you tell Juice I said hi?

- Juice? - I heard confusion in his voice

- Yeah… - he kinda put me off guard

- Oh no, don’t get me wrong. We just didn’t know he had a lady.

- We’re just friends, nothing serious - I said nervously and he smirked

- Hey, Chibs! - I heard a man yelling from the other side of the hall - No time for chicks now, we have to go.

- Shit, sorry. So what’s your name again?

- Y/n - I realised I didn’t introduce myself - thanks Chibs.

- Anything - he said walking away

Problem solved. I dialled my bosses number when I heard Chibs saying

- Ay, Tiggy. You knew Juice got himself a girl?

- No shit, finally - the other man replied with a laugh

That’s gonna be fun.

My ride back home was way quicker than it should, but I didn’t care, still happy about my new job. I sat at the balcony with my laptop and started to look through the houses for sale in Charming, after a few minutes I heard a motorcycle pulling up. A moment later I heard a familiar knock on my door, so ran there to unlock it. Juice came in without even asking.

- The hell were you doing in Charming? - I flinched at him throwing his hands in the air and saying it a bit louder than necessary

- I got a new job…. - I replied taking a step back

He must’ve seen my reaction and realised it’s because of him, staring at the floor now.

- But why didn’t you tell me you applied to St. Thomas?

- You never asked what places I applied to. Are you mad? - I decided to get more defensive and set my boundaries - I don’t get what your problem is, you never even told me where you live, so what’s this about? Scared your friends are going to meet me now? Don’t worry, it’s already too late and I still never wanted to-

- Hey - he cut me off with a laugh - What are you talking about? That’s great news.

The relief was surely visible on my face because he shortened the distance between us again.

- So you’re not mad I’m moving?

- Mad? - his laugh melted my heart - Why the hell would I be mad? It will be even easier to hit up on you when you’ll be closer. Just watch out for Tig, he might me a little extra sometimes.

My phone started buzzing but I completely ignored it.

- Why would I ever see him again? Y’all live together in a cute little house or you spend so much time at the hospital? - he didn’t say anything about that, just laughed

- You’re not going to answer?

I took the phone out of my pocket and declined the call from Mark.

- Absolutely not.

We decided to order some food and just hang out for a while. Spending time with him was something else, I felt more safe and comfortable than ever, even tho I knew him for only about a month. Although this time was different, Mark tried to call me two times and I declined. He hasn’t reach out for a few days now so it was my chance to finish it, but I couldn’t pick up when Juice was around. He will probably call again. Definitely. I tried to enjoy spending time with Juice but it was hard to focus. For the first time I was relieved when he said he’s got to go. When I closed the door behind him and sat on the couch I looked at the unread messages. “You moved to Lodi? Why didn’t you tell me?” Holy fuck. How can he know that. I stared at the messages when he called, answered immediately.

- Jesus Christ Mark. Can you finally leave me alone? We broke up months ago.

- Not really - he sounded offended - you broke up with me.

- Exactly - I just smiled at how ridiculous was what he just said - and it means we’re not together anymore

- But can we at least talk about it? For the last few months you acted like you forgot about me.

- Maybe because I did - I was confident, trying to let him know it’s really over - that’s what people do after a breakup. Fucking forget about each other, you should do that too.

- Don’t swear princess - he sounded so calm, started to freak me out

- I’m not you damn princess, what the fuck is wrong with you Mark?

- I just want to talk, you live in Lodi, right? - I felt my body tense at his words

- Well, I’m moving soon, but that’s not your business.

- But you’re still in town? I want to talk to you personally. I’ll be there in 5.

This has to be a joke. He can’t come here, he can’t know where I am.

- You’re freaking me out Mark - I said and hung up

I didn’t know what to do and lately when this happened I just texted Juice. But what am I going to tell him now? Hey, can you come save me, I think my crazy ex got my address somehow and is on his way to kill me or sth. He probably isn’t even going to come here. He surely just meant Lodi. I’ll be there in 5. I’ll be in Lodi in 5. Yup, that’s it. I opened the conversation with Juice.

Hey, I know you just left, but could you come by? I want to talk, but don’t worry, you haven’t done anything bad this time:)

I looked at the message. He won’t freak out, nothing’s happening. It sounds cool. I praised myself in my head for not overreacting when I heard knocking on the door. But it wasn’t my favourite knocking. It was more harsh, aggressive.

- Y/n, please, I just want to talk - his voice was nice, welcoming

I walked to the door slowly, thinking what could happen.

- Please, you know I won’t hurt you. Let’s just finish it.

At this point I had no choice. Slowly bringing my hand up I unlocked the door, at the same moment he slammed it open. I felt warm blood dripping from my nose. Meeting with the cool surface of the wall behind me was comforting, trying to get my thoughts together I just stood there for what felt like hours. He grabbed my hand and brought me to sit on the sofa with him.

- Oh baby, look what you made me do - he said while getting a tissue and wiping my nose and mouth, but I slammed his hand away

- What I made you do? Get out of my house and leave me alone - I yelled, but got silent as he slapped me

I wished I told Juice the truth, or at lest called him to actually come here.

- Shh, let me talk - I just nodded - look, we could start again, what do you think?

- I don’t think I’m ready for a new relationship, not with you.

- Not with me? - he put his hand on my throat and started squeezing - okay, but we don’t have to do it now, huh? - I felt my eyes watering - I can give you some time, just don’t treat me like air.

- Mark, you’re hurting me - I whispered underneath my breath

- Oh right - he pulled his hand back - sorry, love.

My phone started buzzing on the table, I tried to get it but just felt a hard punch on my ribs causing me to wrap my hands around my body.

- Who’s Juice? - he asked

- Just a friend, we work together - I forced a smile to calm him down

- Just a friend? - another punch - just a friend? - he yelled punching me again

- Yes - I said confidently

- Then why would you try to answer so fast? - another punch

I have to change my strategy before I cough my lungs out.

- I just wanted to mute, so no one will bother us.

- Oh, I’m sorry baby, you know I’m nervous sometimes.

- I know, it’s all right - I smiled, blood filling my mouth again

- So can we start again? You know I’m not like this. I have a hotel here, I’m staying for a while.

- That sounds good, but I need some rest now. You can call me tomorrow, how about that? We’ll figure something out.

He pulled me in and kissed my forehead. I felt tingling in my fingers, realising he was holding my wrists so tight I felt blood leaving my hands.

- I missed you. Glad you’re okay, I was afraid you’ll push me away again. I should go now - I felt the pressure around my wrists loosen - I’m so grateful I found you.

- How did you know where I live? - I asked before realising it will only make him stay longer

- Emily told me she talked to you before you moved.

Oh sure, fucking slut.

- I’ll go now, please don’t make me do things like that again. We’ll talk different tomorrow.

- Okay, see you then - I forced a smile and waited for him to leave so I can close the door

I sat on the couch and tried to settle my breath. While putting my fingers to my pulsing temple I felt it’s also wet and sticky. And how the fuck did that happen? I looked at my fingers covered in blood and just wished he’d really leave me alone today. I walked up to the sink to wash my hands and face, looked at the mirror. Bruises covering my neck and wrists, tried to take off my shirt to look at my ribs but couldn’t put my hands high enough so I just sat on the couch glad that it’s over and I’m all right. I remembered the times when he suddenly started being aggressive towards me and after that acted like nothing happened. That’s why I left him, that’s one of the reasons why I left LA. Focusing on what just happend I forgot about texting Juice, but when I heard knocking on my door my heart dropped.

- Y/n. Open the door please!

His scream made me shiver but I walked to the door opening it slowly. He bursted in and walked past me.

- Please don’t do that again, you can’t text me such shit and then just not answer my messages and calls, I was-

He got silent immediately when he looked at my face. Wandering around with his eyes he saw the tissues covered in blood on the coffee table.

- What the hell happened here?

I couldn’t answer, just fell into his arms feeling tears dripping on my cheeks. He gently walked me to the couch and sat close enough to wrap his hands around me in a comforting hug. He didn’t say anything, just hold me close stroking my arm lightly, waiting for me to calm down. When I started breathing normally I pulled back and looked him in the eyes, but immediately turned my head away when I felt my eyes watering again.

- Can you tell me what happened now?

- You want to hear the whole story or just todays one?

- Do we have time for the longer one? - he smiled gently encouraging me to speak

I told him everything about Mark. Starting at how we met during a race, our stormy relationship, his sudden change of attitude and finally about the breakup he couldn’t accept. Then I started about what happened today, but felt like I forgot half of it.

- So at least I was right about the toxic ex - he tried to sound funny but I heard his voice shaking - Why didn’t you tell me? Jesus, I should know, all the missed calls and messages, you flinched when I raised my voice. I should ask you about it, it’s obvious you won’t tell me.

- God, stop. Are you blaming yourself?

- Maybe a little. You should go with me, we have a doctor at the clubhouse, she should see this.

- I don’t need a doctor Juice.

He put his hand on my side which made me bring my knees up and hold them close to my chest.

- This looks like you need to see a doctor. Your nose is also not looking good.

- I don’t think it’s broken.

- Maybe it’s not, but Tara will do something about it. Let me help you, please - he sounded desperate at this point

- Okay, I’ll go.

- Then go and pack, I’ll help you but first I have to call Jax.

- Pack?

- You don’t think you’re staying here, do you?

I knew I couldn’t stay here but I was planning on getting a hotel room near Charming before I could find a house.

- I’m not homeless, I don’t need a shelter.

He just smiled at me and called Jax, I got up slowly and went to my bedroom to get the most important stuff. Juice joined me a few minutes later.

- Tara finishes her shift in about an hour, then she can come and see you, we’ll wait for her - I rolled my eyes - unless you want to go to a hospital?

- And what will I tell them?

- That you were attacked by a clowder of cats?

When we packed all the things I might need in the next few days I realised I’m still covered in blood in some places, it dried up making me feel pretty uncomfortable.

- I think I need to take a shower before we go - I said stroking my hair

- Really? - he put his face in his hands in an act of disbelief

- Really. I won’t go anywhere like that.

- As you wish princess, I’ll wait.

- Yeah, great. Can you help me with my shirt?

- You can’t put your hands up and still tried to refuse seeing a doctor?

- I just. I don’t want to go to your clubhouse okay, definitely not looking like that.

- We’re used to it, don’t worry.

- Used to bringing beat up hoes by another members? - I didn’t actually know why I reacted like that

I was really grateful Juice wanted to help me, I guess it was just my reaction about being so stressed lately. I automatically regretted saying that, waiting for him to take up the argument, but instead he came closer and lightly grabbed my hands.

- Y/n - he started softly - you’re not a hoe, nobody thinks you are. You shouldn’t think about yourself like that either. I know you’re stressed, but you know I just want to help.

- I know, I’m sorry…

- Don’t be sorry, just let me do what’s best for you now.

When I took a shower Juice helped me with my bags and we were ready to go. He stopped at the door and turned to me.

- Can we take your car? I’m not sure bike is a good option for our trip - he smiled

- Sure - I tossed him the keys - but you drive.

We walked out and I leaded him to my car, before he put the bags in the trunk he stopped and looked at it for a moment.

- A fucking challenger? You really were playing Fast and Furious back there.

I just laughed and got in the passenger sit, realising I’ve never sat here.

- I never let anyone drive it, it’s like my child, so you better be careful - I sent him a warning smile - you should feel honoured.

- Well, I am. Don’t worry, I won’t be speeding.

- Oh don’t be ridiculous, that’s what this car was made for. Just don’t hit any pedestrians or worse, a curb - I sent him a death stare and he just laughed before turning on the engine

- Wow - his smile was beautiful, especially when he was sitting here

I started getting more nervous as we entered Charming. Handling one biker was enough for me and meeting an entire charter sounded even worse. I met one, basically two of them and they seem nice, but I don’t think that’s really how they are. We pulled up in the parking lot around midnight. Juice helped me get my bag and we headed to the clubhouse. Silently I wished it’ll be empty since it was that late, but I was wrong. Maybe it wasn’t crowded, but when we entered, the hot smell of alcohol and cigarettes hit me as if I walked to a crowded bar in a big city. Everybody got quiet and all eyes were on me. Chibs stood up and walked to me, patting my shoulder lightly.

- Hello sweetie. I believe you looked better last time I saw you.

- Oh thanks, nice to see you too, now shove off - I said before thinking about it

At least I didn’t say fuck off.

- I knew you were a good one when I first met you - he laughed and went back to the couch

I looked around and saw that they’re not staring at me now, when I walked through the room everyone greeted me, like they actually were friendly. Juice told me to sit next to Chibs since I already knew him and he went to get Jax.

- Oh hello - said the man with curly hair I saw at the hospital - I’m Tig.

- I remembered that - I smiled lightly - I’m y/n.

- Well, so you’re Juice’s girl, huh?

- Okay, I don’t know what he told you, but we’re just friends - I was pretty annoyed by hearing it again, not knowing what Juice was saying about me

- Actually he told us nothing about you. We tried asking him but he only said that you’re from Lodi, nothing more. But now - his blue eyes wandered around my face and body, tracing all the visible bruises - what happened?

- Just a few scratches, Juice insisted that I should see a doctor so here I am, waiting for Tara.

- But who did it?

- Thanks for your worries Tig, but that’s not important.

- I’ll get you a beer, huh? - he smiled and walked up to the bar

Actually a beer is a good idea.

- Listen - I turned to Chibs immediately when I heard his voice - I know you’re not comfortable here and you don’t want to talk about it, but we need to know who did that. You’re a friend to a club now, we’ll help you.

- Juice helped me already - I shrugged my shoulders

- So you’re sure that this person won’t find you here?

- Uh, well - but I never finished

Juice came in with Jax and gave me a hand to help me get up.

- Jesus Christ… - Jax gently wrapped his hands around me as a welcome - Are you allright? Tara will be here soon, she’ll take care of you.

- I’m sorry Jax, I didn’t want to come here in her free time. I’m really grateful she’ll come.

- That’s not a problem.

- Now - Juice looked more serious then ever - can you give me your phone?

- My phone? Why do you need it?

- I need to make sure he won’t bother you again, your phone can help me find him. And don’t say you don’t want me to do that, I’ll find him either way, we can’t risk him coming back.

I didn’t know what to say, I never thought this could happen. Juice bringing me here should keep me safe.

- I’ll come with you - said a long haired man sitting at the table besides us, he greeted me with the warmest smile saying his name’s Bobby

- I’ll go too - said Chibs standing up slowly

- Count me in - Jax nodded looking at me

- If you have so many volunteers - Tig came back with our beers - I’ll stay here, keep an eye on the girls.

- Okay, so we’re all set - Jax smiled at me again - Tara will be here any minute, then we can go.

I sat on the couch, glued to Juice’s side when they were talking about some random shit, I couldn’t focus on the conversation thinking about what was going to happen. When all of them got in an argument about Tig’s hair I felt Juice’s eyes landing on me. Bringing my head up I looked at him and he put his hand on my cheek sending me a warming smile.

- Are you going to kill him? - I asked seriously, keeping my eyes on his

- We’ll do what’s necessary - he kissed my forehead

- Don’t do this - I shyly tried to push him away

- And why is that? - I looked around the room - I told you they don’t give a fuck.

And they actually didn’t. No one was even looking at us. I took a sip of my beer realising it’s almost empty.

- Another one? - Juice asked and I just nodded

When he left I looked around the room again, how can they all be so calm? My eyes stopped at a woman coming through the door. She also saw me, gave me a welcoming smile and came up to me.

- And you must be y/n. I’m Tara, nice to meet you. Let’s go clean you up.

She leaded me to a smaller room and closed the door. I looked around at the wooden table and chairs around it. Tara encouraged me to sit down and opened her bag, starting to clean the cuts on my face.

- I’m sorry you had to come here, I really wanted to do this myself but Juice got stubborn.

- Don’t worry, I help the club when I can, wanna tell me what happened?

I couldn’t say anything because the door opened and Jax came in saying that they’re ready to go. He gave Tara a kiss and told her to take care of me, after that he was gone and we stayed alone again.

- So? - she continued - it doesn’t look like a little fight with a friend.

She seemed so peaceful that I decided to shorten the story for her. She looked at me from time to time but never interrupted. When I finished she stopped for a moment and looked me in the eyes.

- I know what you’re going through, trust me. The guys will take care of him and you’ll be safe, it’ll be okay. Let them do what they have to, before it’s too late.

I didn’t know what to say, just kept looking at the door not wanting to catch her sight again.

- Good news, your nose is not broken, but it may bleed from time to time. And about your wrists-

- Oh, probably nothing happened, I’ve actually had problems with my wrists for a few years now.

- Yeah, I can see that, you should think about a surgery. None of your ribs are broken too, but it looks bad, so I’ll come again and see what’s going on in a few days. For now you’re okay - she smiled while packing her bag - I’m really sorry, wanted to stay with you but our babysitter called and I need to go home.

- Oh sure, you should be home right after you finished work. Thank you again for all you did for me, I really appreciate that.

She smiled and opened the door for me. I instantly came to sit with Tig since he was the only one here I “knew”.

- You look better now, hope you also feel that way - he handed me a beer

- Do you drink here all day long or is today any special?

- There are no limits about drinking here, don’t worry.

He was actually nice and pretty funny. All of them were, maybe it’s not going to be as bad as I thought. We talked for about 40 minutes before they came back and I actually enjoyed our conversation. I felt pretty safe here. That’s weird. When boys came through the door I felt shivers on my body. Knives and guns at their belts, bruises and scratches everywhere, they just looked scary.

- It’s all done, you don’t have to worry about him anymore - Jax said with a smile - but I think you should stay here, at least ‘till tomorrow.

- He’s right, come on - Juice got my bag and gave me his hand

I followed him through the hall and entered his room. It was much cleaner than I thought and kinda cozy. If you can say a room at a clubhouse is cozy. I went through my bag to find a T-shirt and matching shorts to sleep in. Juice helped me with a shirt and put my bag back on the floor.

- I’m going to take a shower now, you can change here. The covers are clean, don’t worry - he laughed as he closed the bathroom door behind him

I changed my jeans to shorts and crawled under the covers. The bed was much more comfortable that it looked, but maybe it was just because I was really tired. I tried not to drift away waiting for Juice to come back. When he finally opened the door quietly and made sure I’m not asleep he sat down next to me and grabbed my hand.

- You’re safe here y/n, everything will be fine. Aren’t you hungry?

- I don’t know.

- How can you don’t know? - he laughed softly

- I mean, I probably won’t eat anything, you know.

- Are you sure? I can get you something.

- I’m good - I felt my eyes closing

- Okay, so goodnight - I felt him getting up and opened my eyes again

- Are you not going to stay with me? - he froze

- Do you want me to stay?

- Well… - he raised his eyebrow - yeah, okay. I want you to stay.

He said nothing and laid down next to me, but still keeping some distance, so I decided to shorten it. Rested my head on his arm and smiled when he kissed my forehead again. That felt nice, I love feeling his body next to mine. He gently traced all my face features with his fingers, not leaving any detail, while I slowly fell asleep feeling his hot breath in my hair.

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. III

Juice Ortiz x female

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings: mention of a toxic relationship, blood, mentions of crimes

The first thing I did when I woke up in the morning was laundry. After breakfast, coffe, cigarette and all other parts of my morning routine I went to get some gas. After doing everything I had planned for today I still had plenty of time, so I started thinking. Should I do something about what happened yesterday? Well, basically nothing happened, but for me it wasn’t nothing, and I was sure he had the same thoughts. But he’s just a biker, probably have tons of girls like you and hundreds of promise rings left to give away. I tried to put my mind at ease and not text him, so I went running, cleaned my whole apartment and it was finally time to go to work. I can drive there today. Technically yes, but I’d use a walk, I should lose some weight. Actually that wasn’t necessary, but a 15 minute walk is better than 5 minute drive. Less time to think about him, more to sing some songs in my head. Great idea.

The place was crowded as always during the weekends, so I didn’t have much time to think about him, but still enough to look at the door from time to time, he never showed up. When we finished cleaning Nat asked me to stay for a beer or two. I didn’t have anything better to do, so we closed the door and sat at the other side of the bar gossiping about our other coworkers. I actually liked them, but Nat was my best friend now. Basically an only friend, but she was caring and fun at the same time, we really got along well.

- Okay, and what about your biker? He didn’t show up today.

- His not “my” biker. Just a biker, he’s nice.

- Just a biker? Then what’s that? - she grabbed my necklace but I instantly put it back under my shirt

- That was a joke and, as you can see, he’s not here, so it’s nothing big. Leave it.

- Okay, just be careful, huh? I know it sounds funny, but I don’t want you to get hurt, you’ve got enough from your last relationship. I mean, he seems nice and he’s not hitting up on any other girls here, just you, but still be careful.

- I know Nat, thanks.

- You know where’s he from? I haven’t seen a charter town on his cutte.

- Nah, but he’s not from here.

- That’s a good sign, he’s driving all the way from another town just to spend some time with you everyday.

- Yeah, everyday… maybe he’s not trying to get someone in his hometown because he has someone and people know them there and-

- Hey, don’t be such a pessimist.

- You started that - I laugh

- But not every guy is a prick, don’t push him away, just be careful - my phone buzzes - talking ‘bout pricks. Mark’s not leaving you alone again? Give me the phone, I’ll tell the son of a bitch to-

- No - I interrupt her - it’s Juice.

- What did he say?

- He asked if I got home safe.

- What? Okay, that sounds like he actually cares.

But I wasn’t listening to her, just texted him back.

Not yet, I stayed after hours to get a drink.

Alone?

Nat’s with me.

Good to hear that.

Please don’t walk home if you get drunk. You can call me when you get in the taxi.

If not just please text me when you get home.

I must’ve stared at my phone for a good while, because Nat snapped her fingers in front of my face.

- Hey, everything’s good? - I passed her my phone to look though the conversation - damn, that’s actually pretty sweet.

- Nat?

- Huh?

- Want to go to my place? I’ll give you some clothes for tomorrow. And we can get a few more on our way there - I looked at our empty glasses.

- Only if we also get pizza.

Nat was ordering food at the counter when I took my phone and opened the conversation.

When will you come by? Wanted to give you back your shirt.

You can keep it :)

So he’s not coming back. We took our food and headed to my apartment. As always we put on a movie just for some background sounds and started talking before going to sleep on the couch.

- You texted Juice?

- Yeah, he left me on read.

Whole week went by and I haven’t seen him. It was also impossible to forget him because of the texts I got every night. Every single night. Juice wasn’t the only one texting me, but the only one who I wanted to hear from right now. I was pissed and upset, but also worried. When I saw him coming to the bar I was actually stunned.

- Hi.. - he started awkwardly - What’s up?

- I’m okay.

I really wanted to ask where he was and what was he doing, but I knew I couldn’t, firstly that would seem desperate and secondly, he probably can’t even tell me. I looked at him, tired and not as joyful as always. I handed him a beer.

- Look, y/n, I’m sorry. Really. Can I take you somewhere to make it up to you?

- Make up for what? - I forced a smile and tried to look carelessly

- I wanted to come see you, but I had to get out of town for a while, club business. Let me take you for a dinner, let’s talk. I really like you and don’t want you to be upset because of me.

- Juice, it’s fine. You didn’t do anything bad.

- So you’ll come? - I wanted to say no, but the sparkles in his eyes made me rethink my decision

- Well, I have a day off tomorrow, but first I have a question.

- Ask away, anything.

- Would you kill somebody in a restaurant?

- Well, no. I don’t think so. I’ll pick you up at 4?

- Sounds good, I’ll bring your t-shirt.

- I didn’t say you can keep it because I was planning on not seeing you again - he said with a smirk

I woke up at 6 and there was no chance for me to fall asleep again, so I tried to stay entertained. A day felt like a week and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Couldn’t focus on reading a book, didn’t have enough energy to exercise, just sat at the balcony with a coffee and a pack of cigs when I heard a text. Scared that Juice’s gonna bail on me I slowly picked up the phone.

Can you send me your address?

You can pick me up from town centre, I have something to do there.

I didn’t, but I also didn’t want to just give away my address to random people. He’s not a random person. But I prefer to stay careful.

I left an hour early, got some coffee to go and went on a walk to clear my mind. I sat on a bench near the place where we’re supposed to meet and just waited. He showed up a few minutes later and I got in the car.

- I thought you ride a bike.

- Yeah, but I still have a car, I guess that’s more comfortable. Why? You’re into bikers?

I gave him a blank stare.

- Too early for that kind of jokes? Sorry, my bad.

I laughed and we sat in silence, just listening to music the whole way there. He hopped out of the car right after he parked to open the door for me.

- You don’t have to do that.

- But I want to, still have some sins to make up for.

He chose a cosy place right out of town, we sat down and ordered our food.

- So, biker. Tell me something about you.

- Well, I’m just a mechanic, in my free time I enjoy riding, I also read books and listen to classical music. My other hobbies are dancing-

- Okay, stop - I laughed - now really.

- I really am a mechanic and I really am a member of a motorcycle club.

- That’s it?

- For now. What about you? How did a nurse from LA end up as a bartender in Lodi?

- Starting a new, peaceful life - I raised my eyebrow

- What? Am I a problem? - he smirked

- You don’t seem peaceful.

He rested his head on his hand. In this light I could see all the bruises and scratches covering his face and muscled arms.

- And why wasn’t your “old life” as peaceful as you wish?

- There was a lot going on, much more than you could imagine.

- Let me guess - he looked around acting like he was thinking about it - a toxic boyfriend who wouldn’t let you alone? Toxic friends that would make you go out every weekend? Parents who sent you too much money every week?

- You think you’re the only one here with criminal records?

His face got more serious for a moment but then he started smiling again.

- Shit. You’re kidding.

- Maybe…

- Okay, you’re not. What did you do?

- I won’t tell you.

- Oh come on.

- A secret for a secret, sweetheart.

We kept talking for hours, after food I got some drinks and he kept asking me about my past from time to time. When it was finally time to come home he offered me a lift again.

- No Juice, I’m gonna take a damn taxi, so just leave it - I said firmly

- I know why you didn’t want me to pick you up at your house, I’ll accept that, but promise to text me when you get home, okay? - he wasn’t pushing and let me decide, that’s something new

- Okay, promise. See you again?

- Definitely.

He hugged me gently and waited until I got in the taxi. First minutes seemed okay, but then I saw the driver constantly looking at me in the mirror.

- So were you headin’ girl? Home? - I instantly felt shivers going down my spine

- Rented apartment, I’m just staying here for a few nights.

- Alone?

- Nah, my boyfriend and my sister are waiting for me, little family vacation. Why? - I asked calmly but took the phone out of pocket and texted Juice immediately

Hey, something’s off. Can you call me?

Now.

Please.

I made sure my phone wasn’t on mute and didn’t have to wait long for it to call.

- Hey babe, what’s up? - I tried not to sound panicked

- Babe? Y/n what’s wrong?

- Oh I’m just heading home, what do you need?

- Are you safe?

- Oh well, I don’t know, but I can stop by a shop if you really need it.

- Where are you?

- Really? Yeah, that would be great, I could save some money on the taxi. See you there!

I put my phone down but didn’t hang up.

- Sorry, could you just leave me here? I need to get some groceries - he started looking around

- Yeah sure, you want me to wait here for you?

- Oh no, you can go, my boyfriend offered to get me back home, but thanks! - I said as cheerful as I could while he pulled up to a parking lot

I told him to keep the change and left as fast as I could, walked into the shop and put the phone back to my ear.

- Hey, you still there?

- I’ll be with you in a minute, are you okay?

- Sure - I looked out through the window - but he didn’t leave, so I’ll just stay here for now.

- Just don’t hang up.

I put the phone in my pocket and decided to actually get some groceries since I was already there, but Juice pulled up much quicker than he should. I walked up to him and fell into his arms, feeling his body tense under my touch, so I quickly let go.

- Jesus Christ, I told you you would be safer with me than with a random man.

- He didn’t actually do anything bad.

- If he didn’t, you wouldn’t call me - he looked at a bag in my hand - You actually went shopping?

I melted under his smile, and when he touched my hand to get the bag my knees got weak. We walked up to his car.

- Is he still here? - he asked looking around

- No…

But he saw the taxi and was ready to go there, but I grabbed his hand.

- Juice, just get me home, okay?

He stood like that for a while but finally let go and opened the door for me. I put my address in the navigation and just sat there, wanting to be home already. When he parked I saw him gently massaging his ribs, right where I touched him before.

- Are you okay? - I asked softly

- Yeah, just and old wound not healing properly, but I’ll be fine, thanks for your concern - he looked me in the eyes with a wide smile

- That’s not funny, if it’s not healing then something wrong, and I know well you can’t go to a hospital. You already know where I live so you you can as well come with me and let me help you.

- That’s really not necessary.

- But this bag is so heavy…

He laughed and shook his head.

- An hour ago you refused to tell me where you live and now you want me to come inside? That’s a quick change.

We got to my apartment and I told him to sit down and take off his shirt.

- Well, it really develops quickly - he said folding his shirt neatly and putting it on the table

- You want me to be scared of you again - I said not looking at his face, but I still knew he was smiling wide

- There’s nothing to be scared of, trust me.

I looked at the poorly treated wound, bandage soaking with blood. I took it off and saw a nasty cut.

- Damn, that’s deep, what was it? A fucking machete? You need to be patched up.

- Can you do that?

- Not today - I looked up at him - I don’t have such stuff at home, I can try to stop the bleeding and finish it up tomorrow. And I know it’s not an old wound - I raised my eyebrow

- Sorry, I know lying is not the best option, but I didn’t want you to see that.

- You didn’t, huh? - I looked at him, sitting there half naked, still looking really confident - Just stay here.

I went to the bathroom to get the stuff I already had and started to dress his wound, we sat there in silence interrupted by his quiet growls. I was almost done when I said

- Car races.

- What? - he sounded interested and worried at the same time

- My records.

- You took part in illegal car races in LA?

- Well, it was legal at first, but the money brought me to the wrong side.

- I almost killed a man last week.

I stopped what I was doing and looked him in the eyes. He was serious. I rested my hand on his knee wanting him to go on.

- I wasn’t gone all week, but I needed to be alone for a while, clear my mind and not bring you any trouble. But I did that anyways.

I finished what I was doing and stood up, hugging him softly I rested my cheek on his forehead. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me in gently. I stroke the side of his head with my fingers trying to calm him down.

- Was he a bad guy? - I asked jokingly breaking the silence

- He tried to kill one of ours.

- Then why didn’t you- why didn’t you do that? - the word “kill” couldn’t get past my lips

- Someone did it for me - his arms wrapped even tighter around me

- How far away do you live? - I tried changing a subjects after hearing his voice breaking

- Not far, about 30 miles.

I pulled away to look him in the eyes.

- You came 30 miles every time you wanted to see me?

- It’s really not that far, a professional driver should know it - I shook my head

- You can stay here if you want. So I can finish what I started early enough to not be late for work.

- You sure?

- Yup. I have extra covers and a free couch. I can get you a shirt to sleep in, we’ll be even - I said heading towards the bedroom

I went through my closet to find a T-shirt big enough and when I turned away I saw him just standing there, leaning on the door frame. He was really well built, I haven’t noticed that earlier, too focused on the cut. No wonder why he was so confident, there’s no reason to act shy when you look like that.

- Jesus, don’t. Don’t do that.

- What? - he laughed, full smile again

- Don’t. Don’t stand like that. This one should fit - I threw a shirt at him - go get dressed.

- Yes ma’am - he bowed and went back to the living room

- Wanna watch something? - I asked while sitting next to him on the couch

We picked a movie and watched for about 30 minutes in silence. I felt him looking my way from time to time, but couldn’t do anything. Even tho I wanted to do something.

- I don’t care, you know? - I broke the silence

- What do you mean?

- People do dumb and bad shit sometimes. You should know that. I risked somebody’s life once too- I stopped for a second, thinking what to say next, trying to calm down. He didn’t interrupt me, just waited - But you shouldn’t be left alone with your thoughts. I know you’re not supposed to talk about it, but I’ll listen.

He sat closer to me and put his hand behind my back hugging me. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him.

- I didn’t mean to do that, y/n. I never wanted to pull you into this, but it escalated quickly. I’m sorry.

- I know, but you shouldn’t be. You can talk to me. Whatever happens.

We watched the rest of the movie in silence interrupted only by notifications on my phone, but he never asked about that and I was glad he didn’t. When I woke up next morning and went to the living room, he was already up making breakfast.

- I can’t do anything more to thank you. For now.

- So we’re thanking each other for everything now? How much do I owe you for gas and dinner?

- Oh come on - he laughed

I treated his wound and reassured him that he can really talk to me before he left. That was a really peaceful morning, even with this amount of blood I felt more relaxed after waking up than ever. When he left I looked at all my missed calls and unread messages, deciding it’s time to cut him off totally. I’ll do that whenever I get my next chance, but my phone was silent the whole day, only interrupted by Juice’s evening text.

[manestjerne]

Let me save you pt. ll

Juice Ortiz x female reader 

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: mention of a toxic relationship 

My day off went by fast, I should’ve go get some groceries but instead I just spent the whole day in bed and ordered a takeout. I had no break in a week, so felt like I could use a lazy day. Reading a book under covers with a cup of hot coffee was one of my favorite ways to relax. I completely ignored the „baby, where are you? Are you running from me? What’s wrong?” texts from my ex’s new account. It’s not possible to block him so I can just pretend I don’t know what’s going on. The next day I took a shower in the morning, ate a bowl of cereal and enjoyed my free half of the day by playing some video games. When it was time to leave I went to grab my car keys, but then I remembered. Fuck, I was supposed to get some gas yesterday. After a quick fight with myself I chose to just walk there, it was about 15 minutes, and my shift started in 20. Yeah, that’s better. For me and the damn environment. I grabbed my purse and and left for work. On my way there I saw a cat sitting beside the sidewalk, so of course I had to go there and pet it, how could I just ignore that cutie? But that wasn’t a cutie.

- Ah you nasty bitch - the cat bit me and scratched half of my arm - Let go!

When I got free from the attacker I moved on looking in my bag for some tissues to wipe the drops of blood. Don’t pet stray cats ever again. Got it.

After cleaning the rest of my arm from blood I got behind a bar and started my routine by cleaning. Every time I heard the door opening I stealthily looked that way wishing Juice would come in, but he didn’t. Instead of him I saw Joe. Joe was one of our regulars, but he was a total prick. We all tried to ignore it and just serve him, but my day started bad enough, I didn’t have the patience to serve him now.

- Nat, your boy is here, come on - I yelled at the back door, waiting for her to appear.

She stood there so happy I almost felt bad doing that, but then I remembered every time she used me to deal with rude customers, so I just smiled.

- Oh, are you kidding me? I’m not-

- Sorry darling, I need to bring some coke from the back.

- There’s enough in the fridge!

- Yeah, remember last week, when you made me play pool with those creeps? You owe me one.

She still looked pissed.

- What about when some guys were fighting over that redhead? Or when I ha-

- Alright, alright. Go and hide, pussy.

Hanging out behind those magic doors was the best thing to do when something bad happened out front. Our boss didn’t really care, if the money was good one of us could literally go out and he wouldn’t give a shit. I saw a perfect opportunity. A whole lot of bottles were sitting on the floor, that’s the job for me, let’s put them away on the shelves. I had about two hours before the biggest crowd show up, so I decided to just stay there, coming out once in a while to bring Nat some more ice or sodas.

- Could you stand behind the bar for a minute? I need to call my mom.

Just 5 minutes, nothing bad can happen. I started pouring beers and mixing drinks, 10 pm and it was still quiet, but some of them have already had enough drinks. A guy tried to toss me a glass, he sat just two stools away from me, but refused to get up. I wanted to catch the sliding glass but it fell over and everything inside it went straight on my top. There wasn’t much left, about two melted ice cubes and a sip of cuba libre, but it was enough to get me wet.

- Oh shit, I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to do that.

- It’s alright, don’t worry.

It wasn’t, but what could I do? Can this day get any worse? I went behind the magic door and Nat was just putting her phone in a back pocket.

- Shit, what happened?

- You have a spare t-shirt I could borrow?

- No, sorry. Is it that wet?

- Nah, I look like a three year old who just ate noodle soup and smell like rum, but it’s fine.

- Just try to get it off, I can go back there.

Yeah, water didn’t help with the coke stain on my white shirt, so I decided to just keep stocking the bottles up. After only a few minutes I heard Nat.

- Hey y/n. Now your boy is here.

I rolled my eyes, pulled my pants up as much as possible to hide the stain and went through the door, ready to see a whole crowd of people, but it was shockingly quiet.

- What happened?

She just smiled, I looked around trying to find what’s wrong when I saw him.

- You know him? - I asked trying not to look at him

- Nah, but he came here yesterday, looking for you.

- Wait, you were here yesterday?

- Yeah, Laura told me you two had a hard Wednesday and wanted me to cover her. He’s cute.

- A little, but I’m not sure about that.

- Just give it a try, you’re so stressed, a dick would help.

- Oh shut up - I said when he sat on the stool across me - What can I get you?

- Just a beer - he smiled and put his phone on the bar

- What are you doing here, Juice? - I asked while pouring his drink - Another bad day?

- Yeah, stepped in on my way home.

- You live here?

- Not quite. You look like you had a bad day, what’s that? - he pointed at the stain on my stomach

- Oh yeah, very funny - but the words came out softly, not as rough my thoughts, I realized I’m not as stressed anymore

- No, seriously. Maybe you should drink with a straw next time.

I rolled my eyes handing him a beer.

- Trust me, if I had something else to wear I would put in on, but I came here on foot today. I left my spare clothes in the car, wasn’t expecting a cuba libre landing on my white shirt.

- I can borrow you a shirt - his voice was so soft, didn’t match his appearance

- Well, I don’t know you.

- It’s not a promise ring, just a shirt, and I have a jumper on, trust me I won’t freeze. But if you want to look like a three year old, then-

- Okay, that’s enough - I squinted my eyes - I’ll take it.

He smiled and went to the bathroom, came back a minute later with a white t-shirt in his hand.

- But watch out, I don’t have another one.

- Very funny - I said and went to the back

I finished changing when Nat came in with an empty keg.

- Wow, what’s that? - she asked pointing at my hand - And whose shirt is that? Oh my! You got it from the cute gangster, didn’t you?

- Stop yelling and change the keg, in 15 minutes we won’t have time for that.

I went to the tables and started collecting empty glasses, after wiping the tables I moved to the bar and wanted to get Juice’s glass but froze when he gently stroke my hand.

- What’s that?

- A scratch? - I said with fake disbelief in my eyes, trying to play it cool

- What happened?

- It’s nothing, I cleaned it already, I’m a nurse, remember? - but he acted like he didn’t hear me

- You okay? Who did this to you? - I couldn’t help but started laughing - hey, what’s so funny?

- I saw a cat on my way here… - his faced relaxed in a moment

- Natalie, could you please help me? Sure y/n, enjoy your date and I’ll serve everyone else, don’t worry - I heard a voice behind my back

- Am I interrupting you? - Juice asked nervously looking at my coworker

- Don’t worry, she’s just playing. They actually pay me for entertaining guests.

- So you’re entertaining me?

- If I’m not then why would you come back?

I felt a phone buzzing in my back pocket. I took it out to check who’s calling, but when I saw my ex’s name I quickly put it away. Yeah, whatsapp, I haven’t used it in years.

- You can’t use your phone at work?

- Of course I can, just didn’t want to pick up - I smiled trying to look as calm as possible

- Can I get your number then?

- What for?

- Well, you have my shirt

- Well - I smiled - but it’s not a promise ring, remember?

He looked me for a second not saying anything. I went to serve another guest, still smiling. When I came back after a while he took one of his rings of and gave it to me.

- And what’s that?

- A promise ring, so let me start again. Can I get your number? - I laughed at loud this time, took his phone and wrote my number down, putting his ring in my pocket - unbelievable…..

Rest of the night went by pretty fast, as always during the weekend, but this time my smile wasn’t a „customer smile”, it was real, whole damn night. I didn’t care about rude customers, I didn’t get mad when they whistled at me, I didn’t care about young boys hitting up on me. I didn’t, because I could feel him staring at me the whole time. There wasn’t much time when I could talk to him, but he still stayed, sitting at the bar all alone. People finally started to leave, so I used a moment to go back behind the bar.

- You want a lift home?

- Nah, I’m good.

- What about all the bad guys out there? And bad cats… - he smiled - you sure you want to go on foot?

I heard a phone buzzing, but this time it wasn’t mine. Juice’s phone was still on the counter. I caught myself staring at it so I looked away quickly. Jax doesn’t sound like a girls name, that’s good. He put his phone down after a minute and looked at me.

- What time do you finish?

- In 20 minutes, why?

- I can still give you a ride home.

- Don’t worry, I actually need a walk, I’ll be fine. Your boyfriend probably needs you more than me if he’s calling that late.

- You sure? - he smiled

- Yup, go home. See you - I didn’t mean to say that, felt my cheeks getting red, he just gave me a warm smile

- Get home safe, okay?

- Okay - I said, my cheeks were burning at this point

He left with a smile on his face and I was just standing there, looking at the door.

- Hey y/n, can I get another one?

- No Joe, we’re closing in 15 minutes - I said not even looking his way

My walk home was scarier than ever before, but I knew it was only because of what Juice said. When I got home I took a shower, ate some leftover pizza and got ready to go to bed. I looked at the pile of clothes tossed on the chair. Took the borrowed shirt with some other white stuff I could find and put in in the washer. I wanted to do laundry tomorrow anyways. Then I picked up my jeans and took the ring out of a pocket. I looked closely and saw „Sons of Anarchy” engraved on it. Well, a promise ring from a biker, that’s funny. I put it on my necklace and went to bed when I realized how much my head hurts and how tired I am. I refused to get up to get some painkillers. I got a text message, probably from Nat or my ex, so I ignored it. This can wait ’till morning. Another one. God. Then my phone started ringing. With my eyes closed I picked it up ready to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone.

- Hey, sorry, were you sleeping? - I opened my eyes, his voice as soft and worried as when he saw my arm

- What? No, I- I was making dinner, sorry. What’s up?

- I just wanted to make sure you got home safe.

- I’m okay. Thanks Juice.

- Wonderful, goodnight y/n, you should get some sleep.

- Goodnight.

He hung up, but I couldn’t close my eyes now, I wasn’t expecting that. My headache was gone and suddenly I was not sleepy at all, so I got up and made myself some tea.

[manestjerne]

Let me save you

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: mentions of a toxic relationship

A/N: That’s my first ff about SOA, I have some ideas, I’m not sure about continuing it but I’ll try. Hope you’ll enjoy reading that story and wait for another parts🫶🏻

I moved to Lodi and just started to get settled down here, rented a nice apartment , got a fresh job as a bartender. Everything was looking great, until my ex started trying to contact me again. We didn’t love each other for such a long time, my hopes for him leaving me alone left my soul after that one message, but I still tried to find my peace here. I left my old life in LA, all the car races, my house and “friends”. The only thing I took with me was money. And some hopes for a better life, but let’s leave that for now. I didn’t know anybody here, but that wasn’t a problem, I actually wanted to be alone. A few people I met at work became my new friends. Them and some customers were enough for me to keep being socialised.

One night I was serving a few of our regulars and two groups of random teenagers when this guy came in. His leather cutte and a mohawk surrounded by tribal tattoos were enough for me to tell that he’s nothing good, but the boredom got over.

- Uhm, hi - he sounded a little shy, but his smile said something else

His smile was different.

- Hi - I said right away with my “be nice to all the customers” smile glued to my face - what can I get you?

- Just a beer, please.

- There you go - I handed him a glass - where’s your crew at? - I said before I could bite my tongue. Looking at all the patches sewed up to his leather I could tell right away he’s a part of an MC, and they usually came in groups.

- Where’s your customer smile at? - he said with a little smile

I realised that my confusion must’ve been more visible than my smile so I changed my look right away but got a little stressed, he must’ve seen that.

- Oh, sorry. I was joking. My guys went home but I needed a little reset and that was the first bar I saw on my way.

- Yeah, okay. Can I get you anything else?

- Not now, thank you - That smile again. That damn smile.

I went back to polishing glasses, not wanting to catch his glaze again. I felt him staring at me, I wanted to talk with him, but why would I. I heard him tapping lightly with his fingers on the surface of the bar. Why would I ask about his club that way.

- Sorry Miss, can you pour me another one?

I looked at his glass, almost full.

- Is there something wrong with this one?

- No, but I see I can’t get your attention any other way.

I couldn’t say anything, just poured him another beer with a little smile.

- That’s on the house - I said handing him the glass and turning away

- I’m Juice - he said and I couldn’t help myself from turning back his way

- Juice? - I said trying to sound as serious as I could

- Well, actually it’s Juan, but everyone call me Juice.

- Okay, Juice. I’m y/n, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too. Is it always this quiet here? You seem kinda bored.

Woah. Wait. Can he actually read my emotions? I stopped for a moment and thought about my last relationship. Nah, he’s just trying a small talk.

- Well, it’s not always this quiet, but it doesn’t mean that I’m bored. I actually like this job, it’s pretty chill comparing to my previous one.

- And what was that?

- I’m a nurse - I said without hestitation, but then I saw it. A bruise right under his eye. Scratched knuckles. Why didn’t I notice it earlier?

Please don’t try hitting up on me. Don’t start the “I’d use a private nurse” talk. I beg you, please don’t screw this nice conversation up.

And he didn’t. He actually looked a bit impressed.

- A nurse behind a bar? That’s… not common. - his smile grew wider as he got more comfortable with our talk

- Well, I need a little bit of relax after saving so many lives - I winked and headed to the guy at the other side of the bar.

- Sorry, could you-

- You don’t need to get a drink every time you want to talk to me, Juice - I cut him off making my way back to him. He looked abashed, but I couldn’t let him dominate our conversation. - just ask what you want to know.

- Are you new here? I haven’t seen you before

I laughed.

- You said it was the first bar on your way, you’re not a regular - another confused look on his face. He’s not as outgoing as the others. And I should be nice, he’s still just a customer - but your spider sense is good, I moved here about two months ago.

- And where’d you move from? - smile started crawling back at his face again

- LA. Yeah, the city of angles, please don’t try that, I’m just staring to like you a little - he looked at me with a full smile now - And you, Juan? Are you from here?

- Actually I’m from Queens.

- Ha! See? Spider-sense, I knew that - my nerd side showed up, but I didn’t care, he really seemed like a nice guy.

The night went by really fast. Juice kept me company and left about half an hour before my shift finished. I got home, took a quick shower and went straight to bed. There could be more customers like him. I laid down thinking about my last job, wondering if any of the hospitals I applied to will call me. It’s been over two months, they would’ve called already. But maybe they don’t need anybody now. Maybe they will in a month. Or two. I kinda missed my old job, working with all kind of people, not only drunk old men and teenagers. But it didn’t quite matter now. I was free, I just started a new life, that’s what matters. I crawled under the covers and caught myself thinking about him and his damn smile. Maybe he’ll come again. Maybe he liked me too and will want to know more about me like I wan to know about him. Maybe he will. I thought and fell asleep. Maybe he will.