Ramblings of a Maniac Muslimah

Welcome to the crazy ramblings of a Muslimah attempting to understand the un-understandable Since 12/26

[maniacmuslimah]

wow what the hell who knew it's so easy to talk to someone when you're not hopelessly in love with them anymore

[maniacmuslimah]

Alhamdulillah. Progress before was like dragging my feet. Progress now is one great step at a time.

[maniacmuslimah]

My heart hurts. I feel weak and exhausted and mentally drained. I'm lonely and I feel abandoned and confused. I feel like a failure and nothing is turning out right.

[maniacmuslimah]

I can rarely remember a time that I've sat in the company of the closest people in my life, yet felt so alone.

[maniacmuslimah]

On: Fears

Something I'm scared of more than anything else is my heart becoming hardened because of everything that happens/happened to me. I'm scared that I won't be as happy, forgiving, loving or giving because of any trust issues that will settle themselves deep within me.

[maniacmuslimah]

It's only been two and a half weeks Oh god Its only been 18 days Oh god Almost 3 without him and it feels like an eternity. Three weeks, and I bet he hasn't missed me in these weeks as much as I miss him every day. It's already been three weeks and I'm hurting so bad.

[maniacmuslimah]

My problem is that I'm neither happy nor sad, and I'm stuck in this odd in between of feeling like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the happy, nor do i belong in the sad. I feel incomplete and empty and I can't shake that feeling late at night. I'm unwhole and lost and no one understands.

[maniacmuslimah]

On: Losing You

I think the only thing that really kills me about this is that you let me go so easily. Five years, and you let me go without a single hesitance, a single word.

Do you know how that feels? To realize that the person who was your world was the same one that made it come crashing down. 

[maniacmuslimah]

I feel like I'm not ALLOWED to miss you, because why am I sitting around being sad when the thought of me probably never crosses your mind

[maniacmuslimah]

On: Waves

As we walked on the beach when i was younger My mom used to tell me to stay close To stay far from those waves, those tides And I wondered why? I wondered how something so overwhelmingly beautiful Could be so destructive I wondered this all my life Till I met you Because now, Thoughts of you push me like currents Back and forth And the sight of you is a wave Crashing over me And I'm only starting to begin the jumbled thoughts of an innocent girl and her mother That sometimes the most beautiful things Ripple through your life And destroy from within That sometimes the waves Are best admired from afar

[maniacmuslimah]

I'm still trying to figure out how someone could go from being your whole world to not being in it at all.

[maniacmuslimah]

Trying to use everything that I put into my relationship with him, and use it to strengthen my relationship with Him.

[larmoyante]

I missed you every hour. And you know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. I’d catch myself just walking around to find you, not for any reason, just out of habit, because I’d seen something that I wanted to tell you about or because I wanted to hear your voice. And then I’d realize that you weren’t there anymore, and every time, every single time, it was like having the wind knocked out of me.

Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone (via erraticintrovert)

[maniacmuslimah]

It's easy to love a fleeting moment And as people, we want to love Driven by this notion that we will remain perpetually alone But we're scared Of giving everything And not receiving just enough back So we hold on to fleeting moments On the bus, in a restaurant We play eye-tag with the cute boy Reading our favorite book Or listening to our all time favorite song But we don't move, we simply let our eyes wander And before we know it, so does our mind Wandering to possible conversations And dates, trips, books read under star-lit sky's and music listened to near cups of tea And for that fleeting moment, Things are perfect And then we put down the check Or see our stop come And we stand up and walk away And with that, We leave that fleeting moment Because loving a stranger? It's simply easier that way

[maniacmuslimah]

I think loving someone
 Is like cutting your soul into a million pieces 
And every horcrux 
Is them 
 As they hold the power to keep it safe, to hold it tight 
Or to take a part of your soul 
And to crush it, to destroy The worst part is seeing them hesitate 
To see them stand there and contemplate 
 To balance your life in their hands, to weigh the odds But I think this is all too wrong Because its only in the final moments 
In the clearing of the rubble that I discover 
 The last horcrux, the one that holds the most power of them all 
is me

[maniacmuslimah]

We tied forget-me-knots around our fingers 
And secured bands around our fragile hearts
 As he held each other’s hand for company 
 And ran across the shattered illusions of our mind 
 Through a meadow that never existed
 On a promise that was as shakey as our broken dreams And somewhere between the careless laughs
 And whole hearted-ness
I felt that meadow come to a close
 And we entered the forest ahead, with thorns and shattered glass
 Somewhere between which, I lost you I stood there
 Unaware of the 
 Broken glass and bloody footprints
 As I raced around the labyrinth of your memories enclosing in on me

[maniacmuslimah]

I think I'll start posting a bunch of my old/unposted writing poetry thingys