From the other side...

Manic (depressive) ramblings of a Cali girl.

[zimbabwe2007-deactivated2017060]

[maniastruck]

Can I just express my frustration at myself and at mindfulness and at long-distance chatting with the opposite sex. And I really need this reblogged because I am just on edge right now.

Expressing frustration is ALWAYS allowed....and in fact encouraged here. I am also a big ball of frustration at the moment, but I can’t put my finger on exactly why. Ugh. I hope things are better for you now. I know it’s been a while since I received this message. I’ve been shit about replying to things. Sorry. <3

[gunsounds-deactivated20170824]

Sleeping next to someone you care about is probably one of the best feelings in the world.

[porterr-robinson]

[jaegerdom-deactivated20180124]

No one man should have all that power

[setheverman]

this is the only reason why i became a musician

[maniastruck]

two love

because you can't see the bottom of oceanic depths do you doubt their existence? do superficial ripples signify nothing? for mine are smoke signals little earthquakes and stirrings fathoms below my surface geothermal vents spewing forth unbounded and unbridled emotion which originated from seismic shifts in my molten core and i yearn for volcanic release for ashes of love to fall and rain down on my life unique as each snowflake to anoint the heads of those who i've chosen who've chosen me Shiva the destroyer a goddess who denies her power and mortals who cannot understand two love the limbo of rejecting your authentic self and trying to culture a love from the charred remnants of a ship splintered on the rocks victims to sirens of silence slicing out of myself my very essence in an attempt to destroy this form this vessel which carries in itself my two love whose power is incomparable impossible yet so real and tangible its dichotomy now laid bare exposed not separate but integrated conjoined drawing power from itself like two orbiting galaxies whose existence is intricately woven into the other yet are the two any less splendid even on their own? but together an orchestral masterpiece of two love the sun gives life and you are most certainly my sun the one i orbit the one i worship and lay at your feet burnt sacrifices myself the goddess who consumes the world but allows herself to be consumed to be destroyed so you my sun may give me life but the moon she reminds us that you my sun are there when you cannot be seen when your rays can't penetrate me and warm my weeping countenance my moon she loves me in the dark of night nestled amongst her stars and watches in the day as i dance in wild admiration for you she smiles in my joy she lives in my two love.

[maniastruck]

Had the worst nightmares last night. Dreamed my best friend and I were on a train and she jumped out. I dreamed I watched my best friend try to kill herself. I thought she was dead but it ended up that she wasn't. It didn't matter how many times I woke up, the dream kept continuing. Then it devolved into a trauma dream. And because of trauma I was unable to figure out what hospital my best friend was in or even if she was alive at all. Woke up sobbing several times. Spent the morning inconsolable. Taking klonopin to calm down. Don't want to leave the house. Texted the bestie about it and she was really supportive and reinsured me that she isn't killing herself and she is fine. And none of it was real. Still destabilized. But calming down.

[gemielicious]

[nomadic-egg]

Me.

[souliejolie]

“We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

Just abuse things

- “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY!!” - “you arent mad at me right? Oh my god you are! IM SORRY” - “is this my for me? Can I use this? Can I drink this? Can I-” - “pls help me make this decision for me” - “do what you please!!!” “What if that makes everyone mad at me” -studying people intensely because you are afraid you might do something that will make them mad - Saying something in a tone louder than usual and feeling like this is your last day alive - low self stem - feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted after expressing any sort of feeling and crying right after that - when someone talks or does something in an attitude thats not usual from them and Knowing That It’s Your Fault - “i dont deserve this why are you doing this for me” - not knowing the difference between a joke, sarcasm, and passive aggressive speech - unhealthily clinging to anyone who’s remotely nice to you - not knowing what to say NEVER - not knowing how to react to compliments, nice words, genuine care or anything like that and feeling incredibly sick at the thought of someone genuinely loving you - Crying. - having to explain every single movement and word you do and say to literally anyone - being really good at lying and pretending as a survival strategy - Not living, surviving. - calculating and overthinking everything you do and say, the time you say it, how you say it, the expression you have when you say it, your voice tone…everything - getting panic attacks over the tiniest things - unhealthily clinging to fictional characters and shows - lack of energy to do anything because you use a lot of effort in every single movement you do - “im useless” - when someone compliments you on something and you needing to be Perfect at it because then you dont have any reason to live - intrusive thoughts - Perfectionism - Over sensitiveness - “It’s my fault.” - not knowing how to react about criticism - Isolation - getting startled when someone touches you - being hyperaware of your surroundings and at the same time having no time and space perception - believing everything everyone says - Feeling like any day is your last day

[maniastruck]

Warning: a lot of suicide talk below

This is the third morning I’ve woken up and been unable to stop hysterically crying.

I’ve been so suicidal. Still am to be honest. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to deal anymore. I can’t stay strong. I’m not strong.

Had a crisis appt at the university counseling and psychological services office yesterday. We set up an appt with my normal therapist for Tuesday. I haven’t been seeing her.

I want to die. I don’t want to do this anymore. I have plans. Didn’t tell the psych at my crisis appt yesterday because I can’t afford to be sectioned. I shrugged it off as my normal level of passive suicidal ideation. But it’s not. I’m desperate. I don’t want to be here. I go to bed praying I won’t wake up in the morning.

I can’t wear makeup because I’m just going to cry it off. Not that I give enough fucks to actually put fucking makeup on right now.

The only thoughts going through my head are how much I don’t want to live anymore and how I can kill myself at any moment. It’s great to work in a lab when you’re suicidal. I have so many chemicals that would kill me easily.

I can’t honestly say that I won’t do it. I don’t think I will. But I am so preoccupied with it that it’s extremely tempting.

[sashayed]

some days there’s really nothing you can say or do so here’s some important footage of my cat being gently floofled by the window fan

[md-to-md]

🔹PRO TIP🔹 for Medblrs, Nurblrs, Health Care workers, lab researchers, and other people with long hair.

If you accidentally forget your hair tie and rubber bands/elastics aren’t available to you, use a glove to make a hair tie in a pinch! Just cut off the part around the wrist and use as you normally would, as depicted above.

Speaking from experience, it’s actually gentler on your hair than an rubber band, while not quite as sturdy as a real hair tie/scrunchie. The latex or nitrile glove hair tie is best for keeping a braid or low ponytail together and a high bun can be possible if gravity is on your side.

[surrealmeds]

Oh. Emmm. Geee. Why didn’t I think of this before?

[medicallybrunette]

My face right now:

[pa-clife]

Reblogging to save a life

[md-admissions]

I feel like a new person just reading this

[pre-med-timelord]

Did anyone not know this? 🤔

[brainsandbodies]

For all you long haired medblrs out there

[smilesandvials]

I have done this many times.

[introvertadventures]

yessss

[nomadic-egg]

YES

[wordsnquotes]

Your worst sin is that you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for nothing.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment (via furnacecold)

[thepigeongazette]

stress stress baby

almost done with exams….almost

[danceinthedarkbyladygaga]

every mainstream article about mental illness

“when i was in high school, i was popular, got good grades, and played 6 different varsity sports. then, when i went away to college, things changed a little bit. sometimes, i would feel sad. i got a C on a test. then one day, i was invited to a party, but decided to stay at home and cry instead. my friends and family were worried about me. i decided it was time to seek help. i went to see a therapist who diagnosed me with depression and generalized anxiety disorder, and i started taking zoloft. now im happy as ever and back to my old self!” #depression #anxiety #youarenotalone #endthestigma

[artmania-feed]

ART PRINTS BY AMY HAMILTON

Whales

Arctic & Antarctic Animals

Foxes

Dinosaurs

Sharks 

Also available as canvas prints, T-shirts, tapestries, stationery cards, laptop skins, wall clocks, mugs, rugs, duvet covers, All over print shirts, Phone cases, Throw pillows, tote bags and More!

[rudescience]

70 Ask-Questions for Science people... because Science

What’s your major/field?

What made you choose your major/field?

What’s your favorite thing to do in the lab?

What’s the most interesting lab story?

What’s your favorite class?

Which professors do you ship together?

Annoying things your labmates do?

What are your thoughts on animal testing?

Any chemical burns or lab related accidents?

On a scale from 1 to 10 how sensitive are your lab scales?

Who’s your favorite scientist?

Who’s your least favorite scientist?

Favorite female scientists? 

Do you do field work? What kind?

Ever tasted an experiment?

What are your typical daydreams about?

How often do you say “for science”?

Do you think about murdering someone with science?

Ever used your scientific knowledge for “bad” stuff?

Whats the most “evil scientist” thing you can think of?

If you had infinite funding, what would your research be about?

What is your favorite scientific theory?

Is a scientific mind attractive to you?

What is your title?

What is the role of technology in your field?

What do you enjoy most about doing science?

What do you enjoy least about doing science?

What is your tolerance on stupidity?

What are your strengths in your field of study?

Your weaknesses?

Do you have a bit of a god complex?

Why are biology majors so….you know..

What motivates you?

Do you like being supervised?

Describe your analytic abilities.

How would your friends describe you?

How would your professors describe you?

Is math a little bit too mathy for you?

Do you code? if yes, how many languages?

Thoughts on AI and robots?

What’s your favorite science blog?

Philosophical views on humanity and nature?

What are your short term and long term career goals?

Do you understand general relativity?

Favorite Dinosaur? Fossil? whatever…

How many bones can you name in medical terms?

How many muscles can you name in medical terms?

What’s your favorite molecule?

Do you like proofs or cold hard Mathematics?

What’s your favorite element?

Favorite show?

Favorite scientific fictional character?

What’s your favorite micro organism?

Have you ever held an organ in your hands?

Lab coats?

What about … lab goats?

White latex gloves or blue ones?

What’s the most dangerous experiment you’ve done in the lab?

What was the first time you got caught doing science?

What was you’r parent’s reaction when you told them you’re a scientist?

Except for lab coats in the bedroom what other kinks do you have?

What would you do a TED talk on?

Are you creative, artistic?

Do you have an attractive professor you can’t pay attention to?

What’s your favorite mineral?

What scientific books would you recommend?

Thoughts on spectral analysis?

Any interesting stories from the lab?

Ever did or thought about doing it or someone in the lab?

How much science is too much science?

Compiled by: rudescience