Please Don't Ask About The Rage Thing.

Dr. Bruce banner physicist/Avenger

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What? Another one for Merry Holidaymas? You betcha. Enjoy!

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Hello! Merry holiday swap! I hope you enjoy thisss <3 I am sending another one in a mo’. 

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✝ a secret they kept


Regret: A secret they kept (tw: references to child abuse and domestic abuse)

He never told any law enforcement what happened that night, or what had been happening for years before that. He kept it hidden, kept it quiet, because he was too afraid of getting hurt, even though the pain would come regardless. 

He wonders what would’ve happened to him if Brian’s own ego hadn’t gotten the best of him, if he hadn’t drunkenly bragged about murdering his wife. He wonders if confessing would’ve gotten his father thrown in prison instead. 

He wonders if his mother would be alive if he’d spoken up sooner.

[manwithamonster-blog]

✛

Regret: Something they said

“Bruce... I missed you, sweetheart. How is college? Good?” Pause. “Bruce, I have to talk to you about something, honey. It’s been a lot of years, and they’ll... they’re going to let him out soon. They’re going to call you.”

“...I know, Aunt Susan.”

“You don’t have to take care of him. You can sign it over to us, if you can’t-”

“No. You’ve done a lot already, Aunt Susan. I can handle it. Do you know...?”

“It’ll be sometime soon. He’s been in there for fifteen years.”

“...Okay. He’s my father. Things are different now. I’m not scared of him anymore. I can take care of him.”

[alannasroleplaymemes-moved]

Regret Meme

Send a symbol and my Muse will admit one thing they regret.

☩ something they did ✞ something they didn’t do ✛ something they said ✜ something they didn’t say ✝ a secret they kept ✙ something they learned ✠  a relationship they had ✚ a sin they committed

[natalia-romxnovx-deactivated201]

Monsters & Men | Bruce & Nat

@manwithamonster

Out of all the people she’d decided to see, and all the rounds she’d made, Natasha had saved this one for last. Although that was a generous statement, and she wasn’t so much saving as she was bargaining–for time and words tied to a tongue used to being clever. 

Natasha could’ve avoided it altogether. She could’ve disappeared into the wind and scattered upon call as she was needed. They were both used to chasing corners of the world where no one could round them up, and she was sure they could go on pretending as they had. 

The Black Widow didn’t wear a cape. 

No, she made tough calls for the fight and she fought messy and bit hard–because the end line was the mission. The ends did not, however, justify the means; it was a distinction she knew. Natasha understood that much. But the balance was never an easy one, and there were many things in her life she regretted for erring on the side heavy enough to tip. She had known. Natasha wasn’t sure if it was easier to pretend like she hadn’t–like the heat of the battle and the adrenaline in her nerves had set her off abuzz to some programming of cold and cruel intentions that had been hardwired into her. Maybe that’d be easier–not simpler, but easier.

But she had known. She had known what she was doing when she’d pushed him down that abyss (ha, literally and figuratively though Natasha wasn’t particularly thinking this the time and place to wax poetic), and she had known Bruce would’ve followed. Why wouldn’t he? They hadn’t been companions, but they had trusted each other in an implicit kind of way. She had understood him in the way that her skin had once sat upon her bones, and he had trusted her for it. Natasha knew what it was like to hate the things you had done, to feel out of your head and horrified by the very things your body did–so she knew what Bruce tried for when he sought the calm. They had found a kinship that found home in a friendship tied to a stated trust. It had been simple and surprisingly easy in its becoming. A whole lot of things became easier once you saw the front lines of war with someone. 

It was the only thing that tied them together, really–the trust. She broke that, she broke much of the rest of it.

And here she was anyways, breaking the unspoken resolution they had taken to the matter. She was trying for something of a teammate to teammate check in, but it was the pressing urge for the apology she didn’t know how to spill that pulled her to the labs. 

“If I though Tony was hard to find down here, you’re even harder to pin down Bruce.”

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He knew she would come eventually. No matter how much he tried to tell himself that she wouldn’t, because obviously she didn’t care, he knew she’d come talk to him. He tried to explain away her actions, but he knew her, and the way she remained desperate to grasp onto people she knew and trusted, to keep the bits of peace she had left. That used to make her seem more human to him, before. Now it just made him feel like she was more of a monster.

He’d actually been planning to run for a while before he did. It was just what he always did, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself to stay. He’d been running for so long, he wasn’t sure he remembered how to stay. 

It had been during the early stages of Ultron when Ross started requesting meetings with Tony and his ‘team of unique individuals.’ Steve had been in the wind, Thor had been off-planet, and Clint and Natasha had been with SHIELD still. It was common knowledge to a high-ranking official like Ross. He knew the man wouldn’t be letting it go, and Tony would give in eventually, because he had to. Bruce refused to stay and be a sitting duck, though, and bid his time until the risk of being kidnapped and tortured outweighed the urge to stay with his friend. It was coming up faster than he’d expected, and he had everything ready to run at a moment’s notice. All he’d needed was a push.

How ironic.

He’d been so sure that if anyone was pushed too far, pressured too much to turn on him, or even if anyone was afraid, at least she understood, her own fear put aside. He thought about long talks where they bared their souls because they had to, because no lullaby would work if a stranger was singing it. He remembered the sense of calm he’d always gotten from Natasha, so different from the relief he found in Tony’s fearlessness. 

Then he remembered her using him like the weapon Ross intended him to be.

“It’s actually not that hard to find me,” he said, not looking up from the book he was reading. “If you learned to ask questions, rather than assume you know everything, you’d know I’ve been down here for three days. Plenty of time for a master spy to find me. Or did you know the whole time and just pretend you didn’t? It’s something you’d do.” He kept his voice flat, surprised to find that he wasn’t angry. It’d come, eventually, because the anger always came back, but now there was just...an exhaustion, and a sadness. “What does the Black Widow want?” 

[caughtinsidecollisions-deactiva]

Night Owls || Steve Rogers & Bruce Banner

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Bruce watches Steve carefully before relaxing sightly, setting his things back down on the table and spreading them back out. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to accuse.” He inhales and exhales slowly, trying not to hunch over his things. He wants to make this effort, he tells himself. He wants to be here. He needs this. It’s just...hard.

“Do you wander a lot at night? That’s not very good for you.” He grins when he gets a closer look at the slippers, resting his chin in his hand. Tony would. He glances at his own feet, feeling proud at having avoided the post New York Battle merchandise phase, until he remembers the stuffed green fists in his own room, and the amount of Iron man t-shirts filling his wardrobe. 

“I have to say, they look so comfy and cozy. Maybe I’ll get some. One of the first things Tony and I talked about was being big Captain America fans when we were kids.” Some of that conversation had been extremely embarrassing, and some of it had been a big eye opener to Tony himself.

He starts at the intense stare Steve is giving him, nervousness creeping into his bones. He holds his breath when he sees him reach out, a reflex he’s still never really gotten over. He relaxes when a gentle touch is all that comes, and he smiles back helplessly, calming at the start of his favorite conversation. 

Bruce turns in his seat to fully face Steve, sliding out his phone and holding it up to Steve, album of pictures already ready. “His name is David, he’s very nice, and he’s currently sleeping in my room because he doesn’t care what hours I keep, he needs his eight hours.” 

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Empathy/apology... not Natasha, I'm afraid. It wasn't my intention to drag up something personal there. Merely to say something that... I'm not sure how, or if it would be welcome.

Say it. I’m sorry I misunderstood who it was. We should...talk. Definitely. I’m sorry.

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The more I understand myself, the greater empathy I feel for you. I don't know how to apologise to you for what I did.

I think I know who this is. Natasha, if it is you, I forgive you, or at least, I’m trying to. What you did... I hope we can move past it. And if it isn’t, and I’m just dredging up the past... I know you’ve wondered. 

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I may or may not have a bit of a crush on you.

Darcy? She’s the only one who’s said anything. If so, I like you too. If not, I may like you anyway. 

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You're a billion years out of my league

(blows kisses) Never. Date me. I’ll go on so many dates with people. You realize who I am and the mountain of issues I drag around, right?

No guesses as to who this is. I’m not out of anyone’s league. 

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You're seriously one of the coolest people ever. The world has this close minded view of view but the real Bruce is actually the best person like ever

Aw. That’s really sweet. I would hug you, if I could. Really, everyone has...weird expectations of me. Glad to know I don’t disappoint. 

[manwithamonster-blog]

I honestly admire you a lot and have a lot of respect for you as a person.

That’s very sweet. Uh. Hm. Remy?

[alannasroleplaymemes-moved]

Confess something to my Muse on Anon.

My muse will try and figure out who you are! If they’re right, you need to explain yourself!

[keepingthisblogfornow-deactivat]

Keeping it (Un)Cool | Altman & Banner

[manwithamonster-blog]

David wriggled happily around Teddy’s legs, barking up at the young man and the tiny dog now in the man’s arms. He snuffled at the hand holding onto his leash, and made piteous whining noises when no treats were forthcoming. 

Bruce smiled at the little fluffball, much cuter now that it wasn’t chewing on his shoelaces. He reached out to take his dog’s leash, grumbling gently at David before startling at the fact that the young man knew his name. 

“I am.” He cleared his throat, stepping back from the other. Usually, his name being known wasn’t a particularly good sign. “How do you know who I am?”

Something about the young man rung a bell, and he tried not immediately run away. “I know I’m a hit with some of the little kids out there, but you don’t seem like a very...punchy kid.” He didn’t feel the urge to turn green, just the wariness that came whenever people wanted to ‘talk’ to him.

[darcyfuckinglewis-blog]

Love Science || Darcy & Bruce

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“It still looks amazing. And I know all about borrowing and stealing clothes. Both from friends, and strangers. I’m definitely wearing one of Tony’s socks.” He grinned helplessly, lifting his pant legs to show her his mismatched socks. “And probably Pietro’s.” 

He flushed, laughing softly at the compliment. “You have really weird tastes. But I’m glad you’re interested in little old me.” He wasn’t really sure why, but to each their own. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”

Catching sight of her twitchy fingers, Bruce nudged her gently. “We could always come back later. I don’t think my biology machines are going to be more interesting than Tony’s workshop, but I’ll let you in there. As long as you promise not to steal any world ending secrets. Or make any killer robots.”

Bruce wiggled his fingers in hers, pulling her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “I don’t know, I mean, I’m more worried about my own virtue. Also, I don’t really know what second base is, I had a dateless childhood.” 

[manwithamonster-blog]

Fear

When he was much, much younger, his worst fear in the world was chickens.

Thinking back, he’s not sure why that was. It may have been the ‘chickens are dinosaurs’ thing, since he was also scared of dinosaurs back then. There may not have even been a ‘valid’ reason for it. He just vividly remembers a kindergarten field trip to a petting zoo that ended with him screaming for his mom because a chicken pecked his hand.

His worst fears have changed since then (Brian, failure, Ross, himself), but some fears, however small, still stick around.

“Bruce, it’s a chicken,” Clint says, eyebrows raised. “Do you not know what that is?”

Bruce shushes him, crouching in front of a cage and carefully watching the animal inside. Their dog play date/shopping trip had been going well until Bruce realized that the store had a caged chicken by the bird section, and he’d abandoned his cart to go stare at it.

(David, now obsessed with Lucky, does not share Bruce’s concerns, nor does he follow him to the cage. His only concerns are snuffling Lucky’s face and making a general adorable nuisance of himself.)

As he watches it, the chicken turns to meet his gaze, and it blinks. He flinches. He hears Clint snort, and then the shutter sound of a phone camera. Everyone will see it soon, and everyone will know. 

He tries to play it off by standing casually, except the chicken clucks and he’s not sure if he screamed or if the noise came from some other animal, but Clint can’t breathe because of how hard he’s laughing as Bruce pushes him out of the store.