maude.

her hair is harlow gold, her lips a sweet surprise. her hands are never cold, she's got bette davis eyes. she'll turn her music on you, you won't have to think twice. she's pure as new york snow, she's got bette davis eyes.

[mapatow]

text 📱 maude ⇄ laura

Laura: It was that bad, huh? I hope you're doing okay, baby girl.

Laura: I'll drop by with all the sweet as macaroons on Wednesday. Sound good?

Maude: It was 'cry and listen to Olivia & Taylor songs on repeat' bad, but I feel like pride week honestly cured me? I'm doing fine, I promise. Looking at it way more positively now.

Maude: Sounds perfect! ALSJFALSF I'm excited.

[mapatow]

Hunter 📱 Maude 💖

Hunter: You know what, I'll take it. You're being way too generous but I'll take it anyway. I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself, you deserve it.

Hunter: I can send help in the form of a carton of cold brew, but I feel you. I told you we were getting old. In a couple years time we'll be hungover for three days after one shot.

Maude: Too generous? Never. That week's going to be imprinted in my brain forever, and a whole bunch of the best memories are with you, so shhh and take the compliment.

Maude: How's your recovery week been? Anything interesting you need to update me on?

[mapatow]

IMESSAGE; baby sis

maude: SO

maude: Where's the tea?

maude: How many cute girls did you hook up with over pride week?

[glamrudd]

It’s been long enough since Infinity War now that I think I can finally admit what really happened in it to people who haven’t seen it yet. Yes, Ant-Man did climb up into Thanos’s asshole to save the world. That was all me, too. No special effects. I actually can climb up into people’s asses, so you’re welcome for that image forever being imprinted on your brain. Hi, I’m Paul Rudd. @theglamliststarters​

[mapatow]

You know what? I honestly could’ve gone my entire life without that mental image ever having forced it’s way into my mind. Thanks for ruining my day, boss man. 

[hqlilithy]

I tried my hardest to quit acting and just open up my own confectionary, a la Willy Wonka, but my agent wouldn’t have it. Alas, I am back on the Canadian and American television screens in Nurses. I hope you’re able to check it out and tell me how my smolder hasn’t deteriorated and if you can’t, please lie and tell me I’m doing great. I hope everyone had a good 4th too, if you celebrate! @theglamliststarters​

[mapatow]

Okay, how do I get in contact with your agent to write a strongly worded letter about depriving us of ConnorConfectionary? ( Or...you know, something more inventive that you probably had in mind ). But I’m not mad about seeing you back on the screen, Riverdale definitely didn’t use you enough - Sweet Pea and his smolder will always reign supreme in my heart. My fourth was pretty chill, just had a lot of family friends over in the yard for a pool party thing, and that’s always a good time. 

[euphoriacast]

maude apatow by @caitytakesphotos via instagram

[mapatow]

text 📱 maude ⇄ laura

Laura: Girl, it's so hard to keep up with your live while I'm travelling???? I'm so lost haha.

Laura: Not yet. Have to do a thing in Paris, but after that I could drop by?

Maude: I promise, I'm trying to stay well away from anything that would be worthy of reporting to you, at the moment. You're on a Maude-update-hiatus so enjoy the peace while you can.

Maude: Do it! I'm still in the city because - duh, NY over LA any day - but I suppose I have to get back to work and reality at some point. So as soon as you're done in Paris, you can bring your ass and a box of macaroons to come see me, yes?

[glamlistmagazine]

Ugh, Jacob and Maia are finally together. Booooooring. I enjoyed watching the train wreck.

Didn't they both like, fuck a few people over just to get together? but was anyone surprised? Noooo, we weren't shocked. Now tell me something new and shocking next time, next.

[mapatow]

dayazenhq​:

oh. we gotta have a business meeting to figure this out. we’re gonna call the campaign – face genius, ha! and don’t get me started on in-n-out, i think i’d chose it over starbucks any day. a lifetime of their fries? yes, please. i’ll look for the pjs online, see if we can agree on one design, and we can totally watch some sarah paulson in your honor. every project she stars in is guaranteed to be some creepy shit, i’m so down for a sleepless night.

Can this business meeting be held in In-N-Out, for you know...market research purposes, or something? And you know I’d be down for any design you choose, your taste is impeccable so I’d always trust your judgement. Ugh, she’s such a queen, my love for her is endless. Petition for someone to write a movie on her life and cast me as young Sarah, please and thanks. I’ll start practicing that iconic Paulson wail right now. 

[mapatow]

Hunter 📱 Maude 💖

Maude: Ma'am, I have JUST recovered from pride, and I'm blaming it entirely on you for causing me to have too much fun, okay?

Maude: Not ready for work yet. Will never be ready. Send help.

[glammaika]

“Have you ever had one of those moments where you just can’t choose if you wanna stay at home, watching movies all day, or wanna lay at the beach with a cocktail all day? I just don’t know what to choose? I’m the worst in making choices.” she laughed shyly.

@theglamliststarters​

[mapatow]

If you live near a beach, can’t you do both? Take an iPad out sunbathing with you, or something? You might look a little technology-absorbed, but who isn’t these days? I saw someone actually using a map instead of GPS the other day and lemme tell you, it blew my mind. I feel you on the making choices front, though, so guess I’ll use this opportunity to plug and suggest Assassination Nation, if watching a bunch of women kick ass is your sorta thing. 

[earpwave]

[mapatow]

@glamrudd

[mapatow]

Hunter 📱 Maude 💖

Hunter: Hey. I love you.

Hunter: Let me know if you need anything, okay?

Maude: Feeling's oh so mutual, lovely.

Maude: Honestly? I'm fine, but you know I'd never say no to your company. This week's been a whirlwhind and I'd love nothing more than a day of room service and classic movies before we have to go back to the reality of work.

[maimitch-deactivated20210813]

→ INSTAGRAM: @MAIAMITCHELL UPLOADED A NEW PHOTO!

↳  twenty four birthday spanks and a kiss to grow an inch ;) 🥳

[hqelordi]

jacobelordi left a comment: could you handle another inch? 😈💚

[mapatow]

❤️💬@maudeapatow liked and left a comment.

↳ @maudeapatow: ❤️

[dailymaude]

[mapatow]

lalalaliisa​:

Lisa had split from her bandmates later in the day. Despite juggling jet lag and being in three inch heels for hours, she couldn’t resist exploring more of NYC. It’s not like next day grey circles and achy feet were anything new. This time it was all in the good name of Pride week, something she’d never gotten the chance to experience. Somewhere after inhaling a slice of pizza bigger than her face and a few quick selfies among the glittering city lights, she’d found herself in a karaoke bar.

She chuckled with a lime wedge between her teeth. She’d been caught post tequila shot. Lisa tilted her head pulling the sour fruit from her mouth. Where had she— “Ah, you’re from Euphoria!” she replied with a light bounce to her feet. She mirrored the smile, discarding the lime in the empty shot class. “Hmm, hard to say no to a cute gal like you. You don’t have to buy me any drinks if you perform with me. What’d you say?”

With little hope that her lame opening line would actually work, Maude perked up when she realized the recognition was mutual, and her eyebrows rose along with the corners of her lips. “You saw Euphoria?” She repeated, as if saying it herself was what it’d take for the information to register. “I swear, it’ll never stop amazing me how many people I admire actually saw that show-” not that she didn’t fully believe in it’s quality, especially with a cast like the one she got to work alongside of. Add in the stomach-flip from Lisa calling her cute, and Maude would’ve done pretty much anything to stay in her good books and hang out with her a little longer. “Um, hell yes. You didn’t even need to ask-” although suddenly, it dawned on her that she hadn’t performed musically on stage since she was a kid, so her eyes were drawn to the last tequila shot on the bar that Lisa was probably about to do, head nodding in it’s direction. “But first...may I?”. 

[mapatow]

@lalalaliisa​​

If it wasn’t already clear to Maude that this week was going to go down in history as one of her favorites, the moment she spotted a member from a girl group she admired, her heart-rate began to rise, the cocktails in her system doing little to numb the excitement that she felt as her feet glued her to the spot, brain working overtime trying to figure out a way to approach her. 

Right on brand for Pride week, and more to the point - right on brand for Maude - they were at a karaoke bar, which opened her up to the obvious conversation starter, which she decided to run with as she approached the other female. “Okay so, how many promised drinks will it take for me to get you to go perform up there?” She spoke softly, a smile on her face that she hoped would convey that she wasn’t just a fan-girl after a selfie.