Marapause

My journey into the 3rd Age - Menopause. xo Mara.

[marajaybee]

Unexpected changes - facial hair

We all know about the chin hairs. I have about 5 or 6 that just keep on coming. I keep on plucking them. I find it oddly satisfying to do so. I now keep tweezers everywhere. The best place is in the car, the natural light is fabulous! Highly recommend. Especially if you keep getting caught in traffic. May as well use the time effectively.

What I wanted to talk about was my eyebrows. They change. And of course, not in a good way.

Have you ever touched a full grown man’s eyebrows? They’re hard and wiry. NOT sexy.

So I got manly eyebrows. No, it’s not dehydration.

One day I woke up and noticed I had them. The absolute devastation came with the thought, “when did this happen? Why have i only just now noticed? WTF!” I felt wrong. I was fine with testosterone affecting my Fs to give, reducing. I was not fine with manly eyebrows. I never would have guessed that about me.

I surprise myself sometimes. For example, I was fine turning 30, meltdown about turning 31. That was a total surprise. So i figured I’d be fine turning 40 and freak out turning 41. No theatrics, though. On the inside even. So that also surprised me. So again i wasn’t surprised i was fine turning 50, then 51, then 52. I kinda feel a meltdown building for 53. No idea why.

Anyway, back to the point.

Periodically i give myself a facial. I applied a Garnier sheet mask last night. It’s in a greenish packet. The Hyaluronic Cryo Jelly Anti-Fatigue one.

Of course it did some lovely stuff for my skin. But ….

MY EYEBROWS ARE SOFT AGAIN!!! THE. ABSOLUTE. JOY!!! and relief :)

[marajaybee]

Updates

I’m now at 5.5 years at having the Mirena. I’m pretty sure it’s supported me with a lot of my menopause/marapause symptoms.

As women, we can look to the experiences of our female relatives as to what we can expect when we “get there”, ourselves. None of us will have the exact same experience but we can look at them as possibilities and variations.

I am not experiencing what my relatives went through. Theirs were excruciating - mental health divergence, anaemia, the pain …

I believe that the Mirena has been softening my experience. Technically speaking the Mirena works at full effectiveness for 5 years, then tapers off. So it’s still helping.

I need to speak to my GP about the benefits/contraindications to getting a new one.

[marajaybee]

Things that surprise me #8

Exercise Endorphins

Never had them.

Ever.

I was so jealous of those that experienced them that had I convinced myself they were lying. For decades.

The closest I ever got to experiencing it was when i pushed myself as a teenager doing calisthenics to get to the splits and leg raises etc. It was the pain, not the exercise. It was the literal measurable improvement that made me happy.

Now ………. I’m getting the endorphins. Not to the point of “let’s exercise everyday!”. But i am getting the “happy”.

Current exercise regimen is Yoga on Sundays and once or twice a week at a Kieser gym. Yoga is working my balance, flexibility, strong holding of position. Kieser is straight up strength. I walk away feeling good, from both.

Thank you Menopause.

Never thought I’d say that.

[marajaybee]

Things that surprise me #7

Emotional buffering

I’ve never been able to watch horror.

I recently marathoned the Saw Series.

I’m watching all of Dexter et al.

My DNC factor is enormous!

[marajaybee]

Stuff that surprised me #6

My hair is soft and silky.

My hair history.

Do the math and, yup, I’m a child of The Eighties. Those that were there are the only ones that can fathom how badly we treated our hair. It was abysmal. The drier our hair was, the better the styles worked. Soft and silky did not hold teasing, even with hair lacquer. Then there was the bleaching and colouring. I didn’t but many permed their hair.

I’ll be honest - I’ve never been the nicest person to my hair.

I didn’t always - but I do love my hair and appreciate it. Just never made it a real priority. Pamper it occasionally, but no real focus.

In the last few months …. I’ve noticed that it is soft and silky …. For the first time since I was a tween. I’ll be honest, it’s freaking me out. I don’t know how to handle it.

Another part of my hair-story is that it’s “thinned” top-front for a good decade. Sometimes it looks more filled in, right now it doesn’t. I blame cortisol. As well as the previously mentioned history.

About 6 weeks ago, my hairdresser and I had a charming debate. He wanted to chop my long locks off, back to my shoulders - explaining that the weight of the length was flattening my hair at the scalp. I listened but compromised with 1-2 inches past my shoulders. I miss my long hair but he was right. I hate that he was right but I appreciate his care of my hair. He’s going to freak when he next sees it lol.

Honestly - i think I’m going to have to get it fully purpled up again lol just to be able to manage it!

[marajaybee]

Stuff that surprised me #5

Body Smell Change

I mean, it makes sense - but you need to join the dots to actually expect it. Or have someone tell you it’s likely to happen.

A lot of my contemporary women complain of how much their body smells now, or how different they smell.

Our hormones have changed how our body metabolises, how it regulates glands, what’s in our bloodstreams.

Of course our aroma is going to change.

This likely means having to change deodorant / anti-perspirant to a more robust product. Many recommend Rexona Clinical or Mitchum Clinical, and No Pong. I prefer (and swear by) Dermal Therapy Crystal Deo Spray.

I’ve also notice an increased production of “oils” in pheromones areas, particularly behind/under my ears. Washing the area had previously been a swipe or 2 with a washcloth - I now have a special little konjac sponge to scrub the area properly as that’s what it takes 🙄.

[marajaybee]

Stuff that surprised me #4

Olfactory sense

Smells that “aren’t there”.

I’m not kidding.

The other day at work, I could ‘smell’ car exhaust - no one else could. To me it was distinct and strong.

And not the first time. I’ve been trying to track down random burny smells probably weekly, for quite a few months.

This is concerning. Firstly because it’s putting me on high alert unnecessarily. Secondly, what if I miss a real emergency because of complacency or just not sensing it?

Time will tell.

[marajaybee]

Stuff that surprised me #3

Dry Mouth / Thirst

It’s not my Diabetes - that’s going ok.

I’m just SO thirsty!

Never in my life have I so consistently drunk 2+ liters of water a day.

It’s good for me. I know. But I’m not a fan 😢

I have to carry 2 bottles of water with me when I’m on the road. It’s heavy!

[marajaybee]

Stuff that surprised me #2

Skin itching < welts

OMFG

My arms, chest, neck, scalp, stomach, back, thighs, knees, ankles, shins.

It. All. Effing. Itches !!!!!!

Except my fanny, that doesn’t itch. Not yet anyway.

Once I start scratching, stopping is so hard.

I purposely SNS my nails so they’re blunter and I can’t tear shreds of my skin.

And in a few minutes, my skin turns beet red and welts. I can literally colour in my skin, see if I’ve missed any spots.

Caveman is fascinated by it. He’ll scratch me in different places with different pressures to see what happens.

[marajaybee]

Stuff that Surprised Me #1

How often I now have to wash my hair !!!!!!!!!!

I’ve always been a wash my hair every 5 to 7 days kinda gal. Dependant on the weather and what I’d exposed my hair to, of course.

Now, 3 or maybe 4 days if I’m freaking lucky.

It’s driving me NUTS.

I blame the hot flushes.

No wonder women cut their locks off with menopause.

[marajaybee]

Hot Flashes, Night Sweats & Insomnia

Synopsis:

- Hot flashes, aka hot flushes - yup with disturbing frequency

- Night Sweats - had a few but not as badly as the majority of other women

- Insomnia - you’re going to hate me.

Let’s go in reverse order, just for giggles.

I don’t have insomnia. Ever. Strictly speaking.

I do have occasional stressors that may keep me awake longer than usual.

Historically I’m asleep sometime between 20 seconds and 10 minutes of my head hitting the pillow. Most frequently within 1 minute.

Sorry.

Now … I’m usually asleep within 5 minutes. Can take 15 min. I am also waking up once or twice a night - but going straight back to sleep once I figure out what woke me, or stop caring.

Sorry, again.

Night sweats - I’m not soaking the sheets or my jammies. I’ve woken up sweating maybe 3 or 4 times (?) but only ever lightly.

Sorry.

Hot flushes - to me they’re not flashes. They may come on quickly but they stick around for a few minutes. My face goes red. I sweat - does it trickle down my face? Not yet. But I have tissues or serviettes to blot my face with at all times.

Sorry.

I’ve been around women who make a huge drama of these symptoms but I’m not that kinda gal. Or I don’t have it as bad.

[marajaybee]

The Loss of Being Able to Have Children.

This will be a short one. I’m both Child Free and Childless.

I’ve gotten pregnant 3 times in my life. First 2 we’re before turning 21. The 3rd at around 40. I never carried past 10 weeks, and I’m not upset. I never clinically aborted, my body just rejected the state.

To be brutally honest, I never felt ‘grown up’ enough to consider having children. Nor met an appropriate father for them.

My literal only regret I have re not having children is that I have good genes.

My family has almost no cancer (not counting direct links to smoking eg lung cancer), above average IQs, skilled with arts, and talents (eg singing and drawing), genuinely nice and quirky personalities.

Down side is we all having varying levels of Depression, Diabetes from my fathers side, and I’m kinda expecting to see an escalation of the quirkiness into various Dementias in later life, which could be fun.

However this can be managed with medication and exercise, ensuring appropriate nutrition and hydration, and moderating stress levels.

Thankfully, my brother bred so any guilt I may have had is completely assuaged 👍🏻

Ok, not so short lol

[marajaybee]

Memory - Brain Function

There are a few things that impact this post:

- I had Pneumonia a year ago. My temperature rose to over 42 degrees Celsius, and it was a distinct possibility I would have died or severely damaged myself if my partner (dubbed Caveman) hadn’t called an ambulance. I know this illness damaged my brain - no clinical proof, I just ‘know’. After this, there were things that I should remember but find myself not being able to, thank goodness I take notes, and there’s email and message logs.

- I was diagnosed with Diabetes Type 2 in Feb 2022. What I eat affects my brain function more noticeably now.

- I previously had an IQ in the 130’s - varied between 131 & 137 depending on how tired I was. I haven’t been brave enough to do one in the last year 😢. I think I’d have a concerning score on an MMSE.

I’ve noticed that my memory is getting better than it was 11 months ago. Still nowhere near what it was 13 months ago and even further from the level 2 years ago.

So let’s scale it.

2 years ago I had an awesome memory, recalling 95% of stuff I needed to, when I needed to. Then got Covid (late Dec ‘21). Then Pneumonia (late May ‘22). Meanwhile Menopause was stalking me. I suppose Diabetes was also.

Nov 2021 Perimenopause noticeable 90-95%

Post Covid, 80-90%

Post Pneumonia, 40-50%

Nov 2022, 60-70%

Now, May 2023, 70-80%

I’ve been ’brain-training’ with problem solving puzzles daily, trying to regain my former skills. It’s a journey and I’m invested in it.

I feel that Perimenopause and now Menopause put me behind the 8-ball but that is where mathematics comes in handy.

I’m not going to ever give up on this. I will keep training my brain. This is worth it, she’s given me a lot. So so so much.

Most women describe their perimenopause and menopause memory issues as ‘brain fog’. They’re spot on - that’s exactly what it feels like for me. Like the day (or 3) after a migraine. As though someone has sneaked into my cranium and put in a layer of cotton wool underneath all of my skull.

This is fascinating to me. When I review what I’ve been through and am experiencing objectively … fascinating!

I know that my memory should know what I’m trying to remember but getting through the fog is hampering the recall of detailed information. I need to find secure, reliable and safe pathways through. I will. I have faith in myself.

[marajaybee]

Mood

Been experiencing an increasing frequency of headaches - varying levels. Treatable primarily with medication and self-care.

Unlike most of my contemporaries, I am not yet having mood swings. If anything, I’m more ‘even’. I never cried much, mostly tears of joy, but now with less frequency.

I was particularly moody and merciless as a teenager - perhaps I got it all out of my system then.

As I grew more into myself during my 30”s then 40’s, I only had moderate to mild moodiness. Honestly, in the last 20 years, I’ve lost my temper maybe 5 times. Sulked a few times a year, though.

I live with undiagnosed Depression - whilst it’s a constant for me, it does fluctuate in severity. I’m determined to manage this non-medically for as long as possible.

I also learned to pick my battles with others and not use energy fruitlessly. My energy is needed for self care.

Now, I’m surprisingly barely fluctuating in mood at all. I’m not sure if it’s because this is a behaviour I’ve become skilled in, or because I care less, have less f’s to give. I’m hoping it’s the first as the second scares me … and exhilarates me.

[marajaybee]

First Signs - Joint Pain

In retrospect, one of my first real clues was the joint pain. This started in July/August 2022.

I’ll admit that that I was in a state of panic. My elbows and thumbs were excruciating painful. I dreaded picking up anything; cutlery, a glass … trying to open a jar set me to tears.

Nothing truly helped with this pain. Massage didn’t work. Ointments/Creams/Gels didn’t work. Pain medication, nada. Exercise, zilch. Heat, meh. Cold, temporarily.

Bless my age peers on Facebook, then Google, as I learnt this could most likely be either Menopause or long effect from Covid (Dec’21 < Jan ‘22).

I experienced approximately 4 months of the thumb pain, and 6 to 8 months of elbow pain. This has mostly gone now … or I’m used to it.

In Feb this year (2023), knee joint pain started :( … this is still going.

The other main clue was my decreasing libido. This decrease began a few years ago. Now, it is minuscule. I’ll share more about this later. I have a lot to say.

[marajaybee]

So, Dr has informed me that hormonally, I’m menopausal.

I’m currently 49 years old, so I’ve been expecting this for a few years. I’ve had a Mirena for 3.5 years, so judging by menstruation isn’t an appropriate gauge for me.

Here, I am going to share my Journey. The funny, exasperating, unexpected, journey “markers”, and what I find fascinating.