Marauders

I mostly just use this for my Instagram (@maraudersbtches) -no post schedule. Anyways enjoy!

[maraudersbtches]

Marlene: So, Lily, do you have a crush on anyone?

Lily: The only crush I have is crushing anxiety

Lily: And James-

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Remus: So where are you from?

Sirius: I’m from London

Remus: Which part?

Sirius: ...my whole body?

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Sirius: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

Remus: Well actually-

Sirius: It becomes daytrogen!

Remus: ...I’m going to bed

Sirius: Good nitrogen

James: Sleep tightrogen

Sirius: Don’t let the bed bugs bitrogen

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Remus: Life is like Sirius

Lily: A pain in the ass?

Remus: And short

Sirius, hearing from the other room: hEY

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James, if he became a ghost: Sometimes I just really feel dead inside, you know?

Sirius, also a ghost: You are dead

James: Oh yeah

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James and Lily, crashing their own funeral: Hey guys what’s up!

Remus: What the- we saw you guys dead. You’re dead. We literally saw you on the ground, dead.

Lily: Uh...

James: Death is a social construct?

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Cop: We got a call that said you had pot in your car

Sirius: *pulls out flower pot* Oh you mean this?

Cop, laughing: Oh my mistake. Whatcha growing?

Sirius:

Sirius: Weed.

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Snape: I hope you get ran over by a car

James: Hoping is good and all, but really, it gets you nowhere. Be the change you want. Get in your car and run me the fuck over instead of waiting for others to do your work, coward. You lazy greasy ass fool.

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Me, using an ouija board: James, Sirius, or Remus, if you are there...

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Sirius: I need your help with something

James: Should I grab my gun?

Sirius: No, not this time

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James: Hey Sirius, how do you spell orange?

Sirius: The color or fruit?

Remus, overhearing it from the other room: ...

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Remus: I wish I was a dinosaur

Remus: Cause all of them are dead

Sirius: Remus nO-

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How we all see Sirius and James: fun duo, ultimate pranksters, awesome tricksters, best of friends

How they actually are: dead

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Lily: So what were you and Sirius doing at Hogsmede by yourselves yesterday?

Remus: Homo

Lily: What-

Remus: Homocide! Yes homocide!

Lily: ...

Lily: Again, what?

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Remus after Peter betrays the Potters: Now I’m going to saw Peter in half!

Sirius: YAY!!!

James, communicating through an ouija board: REVENGEEEEEE!!!!

Peter: Uh... you’ve tried this magic trick before, right?

Remus: What trick?

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Sirius: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Sirius: Cause it sure hurt when I did

Remus: ...did you just hit on yourself?

Sirius: Yes I did

Sirius: You have become irrelevant, goodbye

Sirius: *hairflips and leaves*