It's good to see you again. Part 8.
Check out Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5 , Part 6 & Part 7.
Content Warning: HIV/AIDS and problems surrounding it. Depression.
Remus saw Grant approaching with a smile on his face. Remus concluded this was the best Grant. Happy Grant was so handsome. Remus smiled as Grant leaned in for a kiss.
"I jus' talked with the doctor" Grant took a seat next to him.
"I'm not dyin'" Grant sighed.
"That's good" Remus said softly, now stroking Grant's blond hair.
Fuck the book he was reading. He even took off his glasses.
"I need to take some meds" Grant continued "An' I could 'ave a normal life... Like anyone else..."
Remus nodded. He knew all of this. He had secretly read a lot of Grant's condition lately. But of course Grant would trust a doctor.
Remus had focused all his life in Grant and his condition. That was more important than any depression he had. And Grant had been so strong. He had cried a couple of times. But now he even joked about it. Remus didn't know how he could do it. How he could be so strong.
Now Remus' issues seemed silly.
"An' turns out I can 'ave sex" Grant winked.
Remus tried not to giggle.
"That's good news for you..."
Grant poked out his tongue.
"I reckon no one would like to 'ave sex wif meh, though"
Grant turned to look at him, and he grinned.
"Oh sweetheart" he snorted.
"Honestly, I'm not scared" Remus said confidently "Maybe some people will think your dick is a tickling bomb..." he smiled. And Grant let out a chuckle "But not me"
Grant stared into his eyes. And Remus realized he couldn't get over the ocean blue.
"Wha' did I do to deserve yeh?"
"I think is the other way around"
Grant kissed him. And Remus kissed him back. Remus just didn't care about his feelings anymore. He wasn't scared to fall for Grant. How could he? Grant was amazing. Why not fall for him? Remus wasn't scared anymore. So he let his chest go warm, and his heart beat fast.
"I need to tell the boys now" Grant hissed.
"Alright" Remus nodded, putting back his glasses. Grant smirked, he had said Remus looked sexy in them "I'm gonna help you"
"Are yeh gonna call them fo' meh?"
"No Grant" Remus giggled touching his cheek "What am I, your assistant?"
"I think is a call you have to do yourself, honey"
Grant sighed, then he nodded. Remus knew it would be difficult to be in his shoes.
"So... we are gonna make a list" Remus grabbed a piece of paper and a pen
"Yeah a to-call-list of all your lovers"
Grant laughed at this. Remus loved to make him laugh.
"Do yeh thin' I'm dat slutty?"
"And you have to be honest, if you want me to help you"
Grant looked at him for a while.
"Think about your shags, three months ago"
Grant nodded, and opened his mouth.
"Alrigh'..." he hissed "Amm..."
"Jeremy" They both said at the same time. That was obvious for Remus. So he wrote it down.
"That's gonna be hard..."
Jeremy was the other bloke that Grant hang out with. Not only had sex. Remus knew Grant somehow had feelings for him. Jeremy had felt like a competition for Remus many times.
"Dear old Scotty" Remus joked. Grant snorted.
"Yuh..." Grant smiled "Thank God yeh don' 'ave it"
Remus knew that he was special for Grant. And he liked that.
Grant started thinking, rubbing his own neck. Remus prayed the list was short. For Grant's benefit and Remus' jelousy.
"That bloke from the bar... The cute one with brown skin..."
Remus had seen Grant dance with him plenty of times.
"Do you have his number?"
"I can write 'im on Facebook"
"Grant, love" Remus shook his head "Probably ask for his number first, before dropping the bomb"
"Okay" Remus sighed. Two blokes. It would be fine. "Tell me we're done"
"Oh we're not done, okay" Remus said "Who else?"
Grant didn't answer. He started biting his nail.
"Grant you have to be honest with me" Remus warned "Grant..."
"A married bloke..." he whispered
"A married bloke?" Remus gasped
Grant nodded embarrassed.
"One of the gay dads that wants to adopt a kid at work"
"Oh fuck..." Remus sighed.
"Yeah, I'm a slut, aren' I sweetheart?"
Remus smiled at him. Remus didn't judge him. He couldn't.
"You whore..." he teased.
Grant giggled, hitting Remus' shoulder.
"So just three guys" Remus said looking at the list "Who do you want to begin with?"
Grant stared at the list like a kid about to give a test he hadn't studied for.
"I can start texting Rafael on Facebook, to say hi"
Remus sighed, stroking Grant's hair.
**************************************************
Jeremy waved at them from the spot he was waiting in, near the beach. Remus and Grant waved back. Remus could tell Grant was breathing hard. He was nervous.
Rafael had yelled at Grant in spanish and hang up. And the other bloke had cried for hours on the phone, and Grant had to calm him down. Grant didn't know their test results, he didn't want to know.
"Yeh should probably wait 'ere"
Remus sighed. He wanted to go with him, be there to support him. But it wasn't his decision. Remus nodded.
Grant started walking towards Jeremy.
"Grant?" Remus called him back.
Grant gave him a tiny smile, before getting his way towards Jeremy.
Remus took out a cigarette. He perhaps was more nervous than Grant. Probably Jeremy would tell everyone. All Grant's friends. Or so called friends.
Remus began smoking as he observed Grant and Jeremy hugging as a greet. And they began talking. Grant seemed to be choosing very carefully his words. He wasn't looking at Jeremy. He kept looking to the floor, the beach, Remus, anything else. And Jeremy had a confused expression. He kept side glancing at Remus, as if he was the problem.
Then Grant stopped talking, and he kept staring at the ground. And Jeremy seemed very pale. And then he started screaming. Screaming so hard, that Remus could hear him, even if they were far away.
"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THIS TO ME! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING" Jeremy seemed super aggressive. And he was pushing Grant as he spoke. Grant wasn't doing anything to defend himself. Remus turned off his cig. "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL OTTIE... FUCK GRANT... YOU LITTLE SLUT..."
So Remus ran towards them furiously, and he pushed Jeremy away.
"Get your hands off him, wanker" Remus grunted.
Jeremy was panting, it looked like he was about to cry.
"No no... You don't understand how he fucked my life..."
"Relax, man. You haven't even got tested"
"I'm upset, aren't you upset?" Jeremy sounded scared.
"Yeah..." Remus said carefully, he knew Grant was listening "But I got tested as well, like a responsible adult, and I didn't blame Grant"
"Don't fucking start!" Remus said, raising his voice "You are not a freaking child. You're a grown ass adult who took the fucking decision to be with Grant, multiple times" he snorted "Grant didn't know about the illness when he shagged you. And for that matter, you're a fucking slut too! You and your little girlfriend!"
"You shag who the fuck you want. She shags who the fuck she wants. If Grant doesn't pass it to you, I'm pretty sure you'll get it anyway"
Jeremy snorted, shaking his head.
"And don't you call Grant names in front of me, you manipulative son of a bitch!" Remus continued "I know Grant only stood your bullshit because he had feelings for you or some shit.... But that doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. Grant doesn't deserve you"
Jeremy didn't answer. He kept side glancing at Grant. Who was behind Remus.
"Now go and get the bloody test, and grow up!"
It seemed like Jeremy didn't have anything else to say. Because he walked away. Remus watched him go furiously.
And then Grant started laughing. Remus turned to look at him. He was bouncing and grabbing his belly like a little kid. And Remus smiled because he had missed that.
"Fucking hell" Grant laughed "That was brilliant, sweetheart!"
Remus giggled embarrassed.
"That bloody wanker deserved it"
Grant kept laughing as he wrapped his arms around Remus' neck.
"Ye're bloody hot" Grant added. And he kissed Remus.
He kissed Remus' lips. And then Remus' cheek. Remus' nose. Remus' forehead. Remus' chin.
Remus laughed too. He was happy. He was really happy to be Grant's love.
"Yeh know wha'?" Grant said once he let a very flustered Remus go "I'm gonna buy yeh that telly"
Remus smiled, raising an eyebrow.
***********************************************
Remus had a new job. Well an additional one. He had overheard some students discussing History events while they studied. And they had everything wrong. So Remus couldn't avoid correcting them. And they started asking questions. And Remus explained. Because he loved explaining history events, the way he used to do with his classmates back at Hogwarts.
"I passed the test!" one of the girls came bouncing into the Library.
"Great" Remus had answered awkwardly. The girls must've been fifteen or so.
"Remus was it?" she asked
"A bunch of friends and me were wondering if you would like to be our tutor?" she asked "We'll all pay you and all. Please! I need to get into a nice University"
Remus fought the urge to say Uni wasn't that important. But he stopped himself. He accepted. Because he had extra money, and he figured he loved tutoring people. Especially in History. Like his mum.
So they bought the T.V. between the two. And it had been an adventure taking it home. Yeah, Remus liked to call Grant's flat home. Even in his head, even if it was a small place. Even if Grant hadn't say it yet.
And for the first time in ages, Remus was seeing his future together with Grant. Grant and his family got along pretty well. Sophie was always asking about him.
Grant hadn't seen anyone since he was diagnosed. He didn't want to touch Remus as well. They just wanked each other occasionally. And Grant would always whisper: "I'm sorry, love". And Remus didn't mind. Honestly he didn't. He loved acting all couply with Grant.
They lived together. They visited Lyall and Sandra often. And they had a T.V.
"Oh shit... Fuck Grant quicker! My arms are burning!!"
They were getting the new telly inside the flat. And Grant was laughing at Remus' misery.
"Let's leave it here! Let's leave it here! Let's leave it here!"
"WE'RE ALMOS' DER!!" Grant yelled. And then he laughed again.
They dropped the heavy object in an empty spot by the end of the sofa. Near the window.
"OI!! Ma foot!" Grant groaned.
"Are you okay?" Remus asked worried.
Grant giggled "Yeah I was joking"
Grant kissed his cheek as they both observed their new acquirement.
"Great" Remus put his hands on his hips "Now we have to take it off the box"
Grant tried not to smile.
Remus snorted "Don't you dare play that card on me"
So they began tearing the box open. And as they worked, Grant spoke. Now in a serious tone.
"Would yeh..." Grant cleared his throat "Would yeh like us to be exclusive?"
Remus stopped working. Remus stopped breathing.
Grant was nervous, trying not to blush.
"Yeh know..." Grant shrugged.
Remus smiled. He smiled so widely.
"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?"
Grant shrugged. But he was smiling. He was blushing.
Remus thought what it would mean. Being Grant's boyfriend. Being someone's boyfriend again. Someone else's boyfriend.
Remus was suddenly kind of scared. He had given everything before. He had fallen in love with Sirius without caution. He had made him his life, his world, his happiness. Although it had been beautiful, and Remus was on top of the world for a while, when everything was over, it hurt Remus like nothing before.
And now, Remus wanted to go through that again. He was ready. But this time, he was going to be careful. Remus knew what to do. How to treat Grant. How to be a good boyfriend. How to take care of himself. Because Sirius had taught him that.
There was still a part of him that missed him, that missed his friends. But he wanted to try things with Grant.
"Of course I would like to be your boyfriend" he whispered as he cupped Grant's face between his hands. And Remus kissed him.
Grant kissed him back fiercely. And Remus found himself smiling through the kiss. They kissed for a while. Taking some breath and continuing. And then Grant stopped.
"I wan' yeh so much, sweetheart" Grant confessed "Bu' I'm bloody scared"
"Then we'll have to go very slow" he said "Like two teenage virgins"
Grant snorted. And Remus smiled.
"I'm not scared" Remus wasn't. Remus was ready to fall in love again.
So Grant kissed him again. And they slowly started taking off their clothes. And then Grant took a deep breath, before grabbing Remus' hand on his, and dragging him into the room.
They had to be careful. And neither of them enjoyed it that much. But they had touched. And it had felt nice to be that close again.
"Hey Grant?" Remus whispered afterwards, as Grant layed in his chest, and Remus was stroking his hair.
Remus wasn't sure to pronounce those words. It surely felt like it. His chest was warm, his heart was glowing, he felt a rush of energy and happiness. Maybe in a long time.
Remus felt guilty somehow, but it was true. Those words were true.
Grant turned to look down at him.
"Luv yeh too, sweetheart" he said "Luv yeh too"
*************************************************
Remus looked up from the computer. He had been working for hours at the Library.
"I got into Uni of London!!"
Remus smiled. It had been almost two years since he had been tutoring Julie. And he was proud, considering the fact she had been one of his first students. And she asked him to do this in the first place. A job he loved.
Remus stood up and opened his arms for her.
"Come here!" he said. And Julie hugged him "I'm so proud of you Jules"
"Have I told you, you look sexy with glasses?"
Remus hissed "Many times" he nodded "Does Daphne know?"
"I'm planning to tell her today" Julie said embarassed "Do you think she'd want to come to London with me?"
Remus sighed. Highschool romance and all. He had been through that.
"Whatever happens Jules, just know that it was meant to be. And if you have to break apart, you'll find your way to each other again"
"Arrg" Julie rolled her eyes "You sound so experimented, like you were 40 or something"
"It feels like I am forty" Remus laughed.
"You're about to turn 25, drama queen" Julie rolled her eyes, and turned to leave.
"Just wait until you are my age!"
"Say hi to Grant for me!"
"Remember you still have graduation!" Remus sighed.
His phone rang so he picked it up.
"They grow up so fast" he said.
"You sound like a dad" the voice said "Please don't tell me you're a dad now"
Remus froze. He thought it was Grant. No one else called him. He had assumed it was Grant so he didn't check who was calling.
"I'm not a dad, James" Remus said carefully, now that he had found his voice "I'm not like you..."
James laughed. For a minute, Remus smiled enjoying that moment. It felt as if no time had pass. As if he had seen James last week, not five years ago.
"So how are you Remus? Everything alright?"
Remus was confused. Why would James Potter call him?
"I'm... I'm alright. You?"
"Fantastic!!" James beamed, if Remus didn't know how energetic he could get, he would've sworn James was drunk. And then he got nostalgic, James hadn't changed at all.
"Anyway... I'm calling because something great is happening..."
"Aha..." Remus waited for James to continue.
"I'm marrying Lily!" James exclaimed "Lily is marrying me! We're marrying each other. I'm marrying her, yes!"
"Oh my God..." Remus said, he didn't sound excited.
Because he was confused. And he felt guilty. He realized he didn't know anything about his friends... Former friends? Mary kept chatting with Grant. And Grant updated Remus about her. And Lily didn't write emails anymore. Only on special occasions, like Christmas or his Birthday. And Remus did the same.
The last time he knew something was when he saw Sirius in the paper, dating a famous girl or something. Abigail Whatever. And Remus had been so angry that he tossed the paper to the bin, before reading anything.
Sometimes, he entered Grant's socials and saw something there. How Harry had grown. How Peter met a new girl. How Sirius was rich and dated this girl. Sometimes it hurt. But mostly were pictures of them having fun without him. And Remus got so angry, he stopped looking.
And now James was calling as if they were still good pals. It wasn't true. Remus was no longer part them. A long time ago.
"Cheers..." James snorted "I'm so excited. Finally! After a lot of waiting and issues..."
"Yeah..." Remus said, casually "Didn't you fancy her since you were fourteen?"
James laughed "I know! Blimey, ten years ago"
Ten years ago. It felt stupid to had been through so much with them. For what? Nothing.
"Anyway... I'm calling to invite you over, Remus"
"You'd want me there?" Remus asked, hopeful.
"Of course, Remus" James said immediately "You're one of our best mates. A Marauder... Moony..." Remus hadn't heard that name in a long time. I caught him off guard. "Lily and I want you here"
Remus contamplated the two possible situations.
1. James and Lily were calling long time friends to fill the room. Probably they said the same to Frank, or Alice. "You're one of our best mates, we want you here"
2. James was being genuine, and he and Lily really missed him. Which made Remus feel guilty because Remus hadn't reach to them. And his new life and routine had made him not think about them as much.
"The ceremony will be next Saturday" James continued "I know you live in Brighton now, but you can come for the weekend. You can stay at ours. So you don't have to come back in the middle of the night. Oh... And you can bring... Lily told me you... Grant, I believe it is?"
"I'll...ah... I'll have to check if we're free"
They were free. At least Remus was. But he had to say that, in case he chickened out the last second. Because, knowing himself it could happen. Remus was a coward.
"Oh... of course Remus..." James said "I really wish you could come though. I mean, it's my wedding"
Remus felt guilty. Of course it was James wedding. James and Lily's wedding. James and Lily. They were part of his family once.
"I'll do my best, James. Don't worry"
"Cool... " James sighed in relief "I'll see you there then"
"Yeah..." Fuck, Remus was accepting.
"It will be so nice to see you after all this time"
James hang up. And Remus was left with nothing more to say.
"It would be so nice to see you" Was it true? It would be lovely to see everyone. Remus thought about James silliness when it came to Lily, the way he rubbed his hair, did he still do that? He thought about Lily, her softness, and smile, her "free hugs" to make Remus feel better. He thought about Peter, and his way to make Remus laugh, how much Remus liked to tease him. He thought about Marlene, the way she pretended she was a badass but loved everyone. And Mary... Was Mary going? Remus hadn't asked. He hoped. Mary was the glue to their group, the life of the party.
That was a different story. Because Remus now, was overwhelmed by a sea, an ocean of his memories. The laughs, the conversations, the kisses, the touches, the fights, the reconciliations, the 'i love you's, the breakup. He had enough to write a book. He had been part of Remus' life for almost ten years.
Remus shivered. He was going to see him again. He was going to see Sirius again.
