until nothing remains @marginofthemargin - Tumblr Blog

what happens when a gentle and vulnerable person is utterly torn apart.

the violence one already suffers is dwarfed by the violence from the lies and twisting.

consequences uncared about.

this is a personal venting blog. i'm not very well mentally and am mostly just rambling, so please proceed with caution.

in particular, be considerate of what are particularly personal posts. I would appreciate if those were not reblogged, or at least asked about it.

i'm not used to this site and often don't do well at making things clear.

i don't understand how can people look at the mirror and not have their conscience crush their guts

mousidy

another lesson I learned from the transmasc voices project charade is I really don't care for people who are obsessed with rooting out and punishing Abusers to the extent that they don't listen to or care to properly support survivors, even if they are directly going against the survivor's wishes

there's a lot to be said about how abuse will convince us that things are ok and train us to protect our abusers, but there's a difference between understanding and accounting for this and just plain condescending to and disregarding a survivor's words. we aren't helpless babies whose words you can rewrite to fit whatever narrative you want to believe in. survivor support is not about getting to be the knight who slays the dragon and saves the damsel

mousidy

not to mention, if you just care about finding an acceptable target to take your anger out on, it will be very easy for an abuser to pull DARVO and direct your anger against the survivor. you will become a tool for an abuser, especially when the survivor happens to be part of a marginalized demographic and you have unexamined internalized ideas about said demographic. very very common experience for transfem survivors!

having dreams of my friends before everyone dropped me

the current world is beyond every nightmare we had 5 years ago

but americans have no conscience.

the only language they understand, is not only consequences, but consequences personally affecting them, and stopping them.

to which they will respond with simple anger if it is from a lesser caste, or obedience if it is from authority.

those who didn't feel this way, will be sold on this way of being-- because it promises not having to feel bad for anything ever again. just bow down to the scary thing, and anything angry at you is their own fault.

it is complete hedonism. it is the end goal of "self-empowerment"

and it is what the corruption of "boundaries" ultimately speaks.

"got mine, fuck yours" is the absolute motto of a rotten country of traitorous people with hollow words and no shame.

anyways I do seriously believe that about two years ago therapy vibes started hatching nazi rethoric and poisoned the well of every ~leftist~ space on the internet and that's how we're here

the entire field of psychiatry needs to be burned to the ground

laws that aren't torturing slaves are just wet paper and do not exist

if you are tortured and enslaved, evne if on paper that's illegal, it doesn't matter

challenging it, which includes crying about it, marks you as Insano Banano, which means doing anything to you is perfectly legal since you're not a human being anymore

rob-by

The pathologization of anger needs to be talked about. What do you mean my therapist is telling me that there’s something “chemically wrong” with me because I am still angry about my mom DYING OF COVID.

of course I’m still angry? My mom and 1.3 million other Americans are dead and you want me to shoot sunshine out of my ass about it?

rob-by

“But It’s been 3 years since she died, you have complex grief” yeah and she was on a ventilator for 11 days and she kept writing “I am scared” and “I don’t want to die” on a notepad over and over again. While you were still going out unmasked and unvaccinated and coughing all over each other, I was living a nightmare I couldn’t fucking wake up from. And every single day I’m reminded of it in the form of “haha wasn’t the pandemic such a wacky time haha” and “I’m not getting a booster you can’t make me 🤪 (nobody asked)” and “it’s not real they made the numbers up!!!”

“You’re not coping” Ok here’s the deal; I’ll stop feeling this anger when we have a national memorial (we don’t) or a cdc equipped to stop it from happening again (we don’t) or a population that takes a deadly disease seriously BEFORE it effects them personally (WE DON’T!)

until then, I’m pretty sure my anger is A COMPLETELY NORMAL HUMAN REACTION given the facts at hand

relatedly, at some point early in their lives people get taught to not listen to those angry at them. that if someone is angry what they're saying is inherently of less worth.

this sounds reasonable as self-defense but I believe it's the most harmful thing to teach and learn. it makes you dismiss other's pain. it makes you get defensive when criticized. it makes you shut down instead of communicate when people are hurt, and it makes you double down competitive.

it teaches to make it about a contest of dominance. instead of someone hurt and in enough pain to lash at you, without even considering if they may even have good reason to. it makes not listening.

and it's not disimilar to how people are also taught to not listen to emotional people, to people crying and desperate about things that personally affect them, as if somehow having one's skin on the table means one's words should be lesser. to dismiss emotions as lesser and compromising.

which of course it's tied to misogyny. "women are emotional" = "women are irational" = don't listen to them, especially if they're angry.

but in general also works to silence any oppressed group. turns out if you systematically brutally harm a group of people they are going to be hurt because they're people, real human beings.

but the marble businessmen that reject feelings only expect a perfct victim to be completely politely educated, and to try to be another marble businessman. they'll dismiss him, too, of course.

this is what I mean with people "selling their soul" to oppression.

"you need to cope, you need to move on, you're unhealthy" I don't know maybe you're a fucking asshole and need to be stopped, actually

maybe crying and biting and anger are human emotions to feel when suffering from extreme things

but if you don't believe abusive systems and bad things in general exist then I can imagine how someone crying and angry is the real monster and unhealthy vibes

the way modern therapy and psychology treat suffering belongs in the garbage, it has as its primary purpose the oppression of those capitalism and class can grind down

to focus on making someone functional and You Must Heal From The Harm no matter what instead of fucking reasonably comprehending why would someone be suffering is just deleting emotions to turn people into cogs in a machinery, if you care for death, are scared for death, or have been hurt, you're defective, and either must be turned into a fixed-up machine worker or disposed of as Unhealthy.

empowering the self and individualism and renouncing cooperation only has as its goal to create oppressors and oppressed. "abuse vibes" only has as its goal to create abuse and demonize victims instead of resolving any conflict

boccher

while people are discussing how misogyny shapes girl's bodies from childhood, we should especially consider how transmisogyny shapes transfems' bodies, all the dehumanisation we're subjected to on top of misogynistic standards. It's not just a coincidence that transfems are so often chronically ill and disabled from a young age.

From as soon as we learn to talk we're told our wants and opinions don't matter. When our self-expression is deemed off-limits, it's natural that food choices, experiences of pain & sickness, passions and aspirations cannot be our own either. Basic medical care is held over us in exchange for compliance. We're told our sicknesses aren't real. Exercise and fitness are used as a cudgel to coerce us into proving our masculinity. School sports and extracurricular sports are basically used as sexgendered hazing rituals, sexual & physical & medical abuse enforced by teachers, parents and same-age peers alike. Our relationship to domestic labour is that we're taught that domestic labour is how women prove they are women, so we take up that role aggressively as the only means of feminine expression we're permitted, but without ever being rewarded with recognition as women. And everyone else around us gleefully accepts the way we overwork ourselves to the bone. Medical transition is completely out of the question for most of us, so you'll very commonly hear how we tried to completely starve ourselves during puberty to prevent our body from growing, the only bodily autonomy we can afford. And what little choice we do have for medical transition is basically doctors subjecting us to years of puberty blocker monotherapy, widely known to cause lifelong chronic health issues, just to prove that we're really actually trans. Then once we pass that trial they continue underdosing us anyway.

And through that whole process we're horribly aware of the way that society talks about us, how the entire landscape of entertainment treats us as a punchline, how the news playing everywhere calls for our erasure, how laws shift to delay your medical transition another year every year, how grown adults will write fantasies about hunting down and dismembering us, and will actually coordinate harassment and assault circles to target us, how the police & parents & teachers & any authorities won't do anything to protect us against that, instead preferring to enthusiastically call you by your deadname over your grave. They all want us dead. And so we play the part. We hide, we shrink ourselves, recluse into the corners of society to find solace. Dissociate from our already neglected bodies. Hope that a safety net will divine itself upon us by chance when we have no control over the forces dictating our lives. And kill ourselves if it never comes.

That's only really covering the socially acceptable ways that we're physically transmisogynised. All the things that parents and society can pull while still calling themselves "inclusive", "supporting", "good parents". All the ways that are entirely protected by law. But we're not protected by the law anyways, we're seen as acceptable targets. If we're unlucky enough to be birthed by bigots, then we might be forcibly starved, shaved and bleached and lacerated, have our bones beaten and broken and reshaped, murdered, disowned and dumped on the side of the highway, kidnapped into evangelical torture camps or military service... The list of horrific things I've heard done to my sisters are truly endless

one of the things that is often overlooked, is that when offering your face to the leopards, there's never a moment of acknowledging having been wrong or mistaken. there's no inerent apology to be given to their previous victims, even after an incredulous "how could they do this to me, I'm not like the freaks". just devoutly getting face eaten.

liabilities and things that are not useful gedisposed, and this is expected, because the only thing that matter is submitting to authority and enforcing hierarchy.

never admitting to being wrong, never taking solidarity with a Freak.

monster... they're all monsters...

and... murderers...

the streets are covered in dog blood

i guarantee...

that any community you're in...

is monsters... ready to... spill blood...

your hands are dirty... your hands are dirty... you hands are dirty...

i know mine are...

and the nicest person will be...

and the most level headed person

is culprit of hte most henious things

framed as the most intelligent justice

but it's all the blood of monsters

everyone is monsters

and all it matters... is if they kill you

you can be good... you must always strive to be good in this miserable evil world

but it's all bloodthirst...

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