Long story short, I went to Tokyo last month and went to see Nakata for the first time in two + years.
It was last Dec. 29th @Sound Vision Museum, the place was packed for a Thursday. But it was a holiday, so I guess it makes sense. I forgot how hard it was to move into the crowd, before I didn’t mind elbowing a little bit to move forward but now I couldn’t do it so easily. I had to wait for the right time and make it to the very front, the very middle, my usual spot.
There was a guy next to me that was checking every 5 minutes his phone and could see he had set a picture with Nakata as a wallpaper. Also the back of the iphone was all covered with signatures. I talked to him, just to make a little conversation since I was bored as hell and Nakata wasn’t playing until the next hour, and asked to see those signatures. He told me the story of each of them, he had Nakata’s too, but misspelled Capsule and wrote “CAPSUE” “he was too drunk when signed it!” he explained (Why doesn’t that surprise me?) Also took a closer look to that background picture. Damn Nakata I asked for a picture too and refused… The only thing I had to show off was his Wikipedia page photo, which I took the first time I saw him live.
The security staff seems to be much more permissive now, since my -new- friend took a ton of pics and recorded entire songs… Some other fans did too, and placed towels on the fence for him to notice their presence.
And then Nakata came to the stage, I paralyzed. Muted. Heavily breathing. Why was I feeling so nervous? I came to see this guy like 30 times before! I felt my body so heavy I had to grab the fence with both hands. Everybody started jumping, I don’t know if that was the best thing to do but I jumped too.
His set changed so much, happily no more dubstep. All danceable and singable songs. Among the new songs, the most celebrated was Harajuku Iyahoi! (Believe me that song is played all the time in Shibuya and Harajuku Shopping area -- yes they play background music on the street!) about 50% of his set were his songs. He never plays only his own songs… ever. Also mixed PPAP with some Kyary song.
When he finished, I went to the bar that is right next to the VIP room. A couple of minutes later, the fans came too, with tshirts and towels still on. They told me they were coming from all over Japan, to see Nakata play in Tokyo, since he was playing here and there for the holidays. They seemed so loyal-die-hard fans, we talked a little bit more and took a picture together. Exchanged Twitters and Instagrams. I missed my friends Amn, Tita and camille, the troupe of gaijins that didn’t miss a date if Nakata was playing. We used to have so much fun.
One of the fans pointed me his new manager and told me “if he is coming out of the VIP, Nakata will be out too soon” and as he said that, he was out. The fans ran to him, jumping and patting him on the shoulder. He was wearing a flurry sweater and everybody was touching him. Not sure he liked that.
I stayed back, watching the scene from 1.5mt away. Should I say hi? So many people talking to him, besides his friend (girlfriend?) seems annoyed. Would he remember me? of course not, who am I? when I was in the middle of this thoughts one of the fans grabbed me by the arm and put me right in front of him “...She came from sooo far!!!”
My mind went blank, just like that time three and a half years ago.
I practiced this so many times in my head over the years, but I could only say “So long! I really enjoyed your set tonight” he asked me if I was still living in Japan and I told him I was only there for the holidays. He said “Happy new year!” I am 98% sure he said that in english. The only time I remember him saying something clearly in english was “Sorry” that time he was pouring a drink for me and spilled all over the table.
We (the rest of the fans) made a toast and everybody continued talking. I stepped away a bit. I was feeling sick, so nervous, I trashed a half-empty can of beer, said goodbye and left SMV. Didn’t look back.
On my way to Shibuya station I was mad, sad, so many mixed feelings. Back to the place I was staying, my boyfriend woke up as I got into bed: “Did you have a good time?” I answered “no” and cried until fell asleep.
Now, writing this I am trying to understand why I felt so sad. Nothing bad happened. I traveled 20.000kms to see this guy and when I see him... leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But now I think about it and realize It wasn’t for seeing him, it was all about me. Going back there, living for a night a little bit of my old self before it’s like… a Flashback. A Retro Memory. A free sample of some era in which I was very free and very happy. Not that I am not now, it’s just different. There is some reason why I can’t write this blog anymore, tell you about new things, adventures and challenges that I face now. I thought I was over it, that that chapter of my life was closed.
It is, it was just the nostalgia kicking me so bad.
Ystk & Teddyloid that night.
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