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@marina-the-witch
i live
I fixed the SotE ending cutscene for the (fellow-ish?) Miquella/Radahn haters, hope this is satisfactory
My girlfriend just told me she had a dream where Romina got a cutscene but instead of some boss intro it's you just fucking DEVOURING her rominussy and booty and she squirts like lake of rot juice on your face and it's crazy and your reward is leg armor that gives you the centipede legs and increased damage and speed
I feel like the Smash Announcer announcing Ganondorf every time i talk about the Carians, I swear to god, it'll be like: RADAGON! RELLANA! RENALLA! RANNI!!!! RYKARD!!!!!!! BLAIDD!!!!! Radahn.
I have to be so honest, I don't think I will ever understand people who insist Monoblos is 5000x better than Diablos. Design, that's subjective, personally I prefer Diablos but if you prefer Monoblos, go ahead. As for the fight... In every game with both they're...almost the same??? I'm genuinely curious what people see that I just don't, are the 1 or 2 things that differentiate them truly that monumental, or do they just prefer Monoblos because of exclusivity, I don't get it
Idk what this is (Based on that stupid The Boys meme)
People playing Elden Ring and looking for the "good" demigod to root for are missing the point. Pick your favorite mass murdering war criminal megalomaniac with mommy issues and endlessly simp for them like the rest of us, cowards.
Trying to slowly break it to my best friend who's obsessed with Miquella and Promised Consort that Radahn is one of my least favorite characters in the game now
Souls Games ranked by Gayness
Elden Ring (lesbians and trans people all over the place, almost every important character has reasons to believe they are or just straight up is either trans, gay, lesbian, genderfluid or anything other than straight)
Bloodborne ("This game isnt about women, it's about hunting beasts" ~ John Twitter, literally got thousands of cute girls into Dark Souls and HRT)
Dark Souls 2 (like Elden Ring but without all the blatantly gay people in it, however there is a coffin that makes you trans and even a corresponding transphobic knight you can kill so it's got the spirit)
Dark Souls 1 (Not much to work with either way but goes above Sekiro by default because of Gwyndolin and Solaire's fruity ass)
Sekiro ( Straight as fuck on the surface but there is potential for toxic yaoi every 2 meters bc there is literally only 3 women in this game and all the men are shirtless and hate each other)
Dark Souls 3 (literally hardcoded to be straight)
Demon's Souls fans help me place it
Random Elden Ring Sorcery Idea
Triplet Moons of Caria Sorcery Requirements: Int: 55 Faith: 30 Powerful Sorcery of House Caria that summons forth 3 Moons, which home in on targets. Deals Physical, Magic and Fire Damage if all 3 Moons connect.
With the bond of Radagon and Rennala breaking, so too would the paths of their children eventually split. Nevertheless, the scions of Caria remained the most powerful sorcerers of the Lands Between, thanks to the care and teachings of their dear mother.
I'm normal about the Carians (LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER)
The last randomizer run I played before Shadow of the Erdtree dropped was wild for this
Favorite Characters Wheel, Idea and Template provided by a friend on discord :3 (Center is absolute favorite)
Wait hold on like, you're telling me people will be invaded with 2 other people and still complain it's unfair???? It can't be that hard to deal with an invader like huh?????? I feel like I should have known this earlier, I know it's been 2 years but I just never engaged with it but like what, why even complain at that point the invader is gonna get fucked anyway, it's literally 3v1 , what the hell, I can't imagine doing the Enir-Ilim gank as a regular part of my gameplay
I love Elden Ring to death but the community behind that can make it real fucking hard to do so sometimes...
Full disclosure this is not against anyone I've seen here or prompted by anything I've seen here, it's against the illiterate edgelords who have soured my girlfriend's favorite character in media for her by being sexist and annoying (Malenia), the people endlessly whining about how the game is catered to challenge runners and unfair and whatever else and saying how it lost the plot and is gross and bad now even though the connection between Radahn and Miquella is SO blatantly not romantic, the people being toxic about builds, weapons, endings, honestly whatever, the people in this community who just will not shut up.
I love Elden Ring to death but the community behind that can make it real fucking hard to do so sometimes...
i was wrong about elden beast... it is a good boss.... my sincerest apologies to the beast...
Elden Ring Boss Ranking
Hi everyone!
With Elden Ring being my most replayed and almost most played game over all, I think my opinions on the bosses have definitely solidified enough for me to rank them individually. I will do so in this post.
Seeing as I can only attach 30 images and Elden Ring has a plethora of mini-bosses, I'll only be ranking bosses that reward you with achievements for beating them and ones necessary for story progression. Seeing as Godskin Noble and Duo fall under those criteria, I'll also include the Apostle as I would feel weird leaving it out.
Additionally, I won't be ranking the illusion/nerfed version of bosses and instead just lump them in with the real deal. This applies to Margit, Sewer Mohg, Siofra Ancestor Spirit, Godfrey and Carian Knight Loretta.
Remember that these are only my opinions and you're allowed to agree or disagree however much you want.
Bosses will also be put into a bit of a tiering system through colors. Blue means a boss is almost if not entirely perfect in my opinion and is one of Fromsoft's greatest to date. Purple means I do really enjoy a boss but have a handful of gripes with it that drag it down. Pink means i don't feel strongly about a boss one way or the other, either due to them not really being particularly noteworthy or having both really good and really bad aspects. Green means I don't really enjoy a boss but they have enough redeeming qualities for me to still like them a little bit. Orange means I do genuinely dislike a boss but can't bring myself to hate them. Red means they should be nuked from orbit.
With all that said, let's begin.
#1: God-Devouring Serpent/Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy
Rykard and Radahn fluctuate as my number 1 fairly consistently. While I definitely think Radahn has a better fight, I find the comparison a bit unfair seeing as Rykard is designed to be a gimmick fight. Unlike his predecessors like Storm Lord and Yhorm however, Rykard actually manages to stay challenging despite the game granting you the weapon specifically designed to kill him right away. What really makes Rykard so special for me is everything else. He is by far the most disgusting entity fromsoftware has ever produced in my opinion and I could go on about how much I love his design, lore and presentation for hours. I love everything about this fight, from the insanely memorable voice acting and reveal in phase 2, to the demonic rollercoaster of a theme and the symbolism of the chandeliers in his arena, with this grotesque monstrosity still framing itself a noble king. With a spectacular legacy dungeon to boot, Rykard, for me at least, is easily my favorite boss in Elden Ring.
#2: Starscourge Radahn
While I prefer his siblings in almost every other regard, Radahn for me is easily the most fun boss in the entire game and very consistently switches places with Rykard in my overall ranking like I said. With an immaculate battle theme that really emphasises the spectacle of taking down this fierce demigod, Radahn is a challenging and thrilling fight. While far from the hardest fight in Elden Ring, he can still throw me for a loop, especially as I tend to fight him without summons and a purposefully unupgraded weapon. His attacks are imposing and beautiful to look at while never feeling unfair and no boss better captures the feeling of giving a noble warrior a heroic end.
#3: Mohg, Lord of Blood/Mohg, the Omen
Far more controversial than my previous 2 picks, I can definitely understand why people don't really gel with Mohg. Even I used to not really like him, with Mohg the Omen actually making me almost cry out of frustration the very first time I fought him, as I had not yet gotten used to Elden Ring's delayed attack patterns. However, after fighting the real deal at the end of the game and being perfectly trained to evade his wide sweeps, I knew this boss was something special. Mohg is a thrilling, challenging fight, with an absolutely stunning battle theme that I would confidently call my favorite piece of music in Elden Ring and I could not be happier they made the last minute decision of adding him to the main boss line-up.
#4: Morgott, the Omen King/Margit, the Fell Omen
Much like his brother, Morgott is also an extremely thrilling and exciting fight. What makes him a little inferior to me, is that he's not quite as challenging as I think he should be and a few of his longer combos can feel a bit tacky and excessive. While I definitely see a lot of praise for Morgott as a character, I sometimes feel as though his fight and especially theme aren't really talked about enough though. Morgott is a perfect capper for the midgame of Elden Ring, just like how Margit is a perfect beginning, providing an extremely challenging but learnable fight that prepares the player for what's ahead. He, much like Radahn, is a boss worth nerfing myself for.
#5: Malenia,Blade of Miquella/Goddess of Rot
I feel like my placement of Malenia would be controversial no matter what. Understandably, seeing as she is maybe the single hardest boss in Fromsoftware's catalogue, Malenia is quite divisive and it even took me a couple attempts to finally start liking her. But this latest attempt, where I finally managed to best her without summons, was the one. While I do think Malenia can be really unfair at times, I can't deny that the duel with this master swordstress is a one-of-a-kind encounter. With an absolutely gorgeous theme, Malenia has wormed her way into my heart, despite all the trouble I've gone through while fighting her. My only, and obvious, gripe is that I feel as though her heal-on-hit-ability is a bit excessive and could have been substitued with a larger health pool, as I often found myself having a hard time hitting her when she was only a few hits away from death, when a simple mistake quickly undid a lot of my progress.
#6: Dragonlord Placidusax
Every Souls game needs it secret dragon, and more often then not, these fights end up being some of my favorites in the game and Placidusax is no exception. While I do prefer Midir overall, Placidusax is nothing if not a jaw-dropping spectacle with moves like the thundercloud form and lightning stake nuke. While not particularly hard, Placidusax manages to be fun and challenging regardless due to his robust defenses and high damage output. The only issue I've encountered is that the fight can drag on for a bit, and especially when her health is low, he will start teleporting all over the place, which can be a little annoying. Regardless, Placidusax is an absolute marvel of a boss and fits right in in a game so in love with making its fights cinematic spectacles without the use of cutscenes.
#7: Radagon of the Golden Order
For the purposes of this list, I'll be ranking Radagon and Elden Beast separately, as my opinions on them differ quite a bit. Radagon is an excellent final boss in my opinion, perfectly making use of the core fundamentals of every bosse's kit with a mix of heavy physical hits and ranged incantations. Him being quite challenging is a huge positive for me to, as I often feel as though the final bosses of souls games end up being needlessly easy and almost pathetic for narrative purposes. Additionally, genuinely no final bosse's theme, in any game I've played, has encapsulated the feeling of finality more than his, to the point of literally being called "The Final Battle." Radagon can be a bit unfair at times, but he is the perfect conclusion to your journey as Elden Lord.
#8: Godfrey, First Elden Lord/Hoarah Loux/Lord's Apparition
Godfrey is so effortlessly awesome. With a well telegraphed moveset, kickass presentation in the form of his cutscene and a gorgeous piece of music to accompany his fight, he is one of the most memorable encounters in the game and definitely the most popular boss overall for a good reason. However, I find myself having quite a hard time with him fairly consistently for some reason, which, while not his fault, does obviously impact my enjoyment of his fight overall. That's not too say I dislike it though, as I feel Godfrey's moveset is extremely satisfying to dodge and counter. Hoarah Loux on the other hand.... I don't know really. The fight against Hoarah Loux is too stressful for me to enjoy it long term and I mostly just try to reduce his health as much as I can before this phase triggers. That's not to say it's bad, I just don't enjoy the amount of grabbing going on as a result of Hoarah's very limited moveset. Overall, it doesn't stop me from loving Godfrey though, as Hoarah Loux rarely last very long anyway, and can be quite fun in small doses.
#9: Godrick the Grafted
Godrick is a really entertaining fight. His cutscenes, voice acting and presentation are on point and his mechanics definitely fit for the first shardbearer you'll be fighting on most playthroughs. I, however, often find myself struggling with dodging his moveset and often feel as though my victory is more a result of his fairly weak attack power and health pool. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy Godrick though, as I definitely do. Not only is he a fantastic first boss but I also find it quite fun from a narrative perspective that he's nowhere near as challenging as his.... great uncle? who's guarding his castle. I can't confidently rank him higher unfortunately, since Convergence and Godefroy have taught me that a tanky, high damage Godrick can be quite the piece of work.
#10: Beast Clergyman/Maliketh, the Black Blade
Oh boy, Maliketh. Quite the story with this one. I actually only properly started Elden Ring quite a long while after most of my friends had already beaten it and as such they were all EXTREMELY excited to see my reaction to this guy, especially seeing as his cutscene is a blatant reference to not only my favorite boss in bloodborne, but any game I've ever played, Ludwig. However, their expecations were met with harsh disappointment as Maliketh frustrated me to the point of actual tears and I had to resort to a cheese strategy using the Redmane Flames Ash of War. After giving the game a try or two more though, I've warmed up to Maliketh quite a bit. I do think he can be a little annoying with how mobile he is and don't really like how his fight will often just end up with him stalling and only surviving as long as he does due to you not being able to hit him, especially regarding his tiny health pool. Additionally, I also find Beast Clergyman quite annoying and wish the threshhold for phase 2 was moved up to 90 or 80% max rather than the 70 to 50% it's at currently. However, overall, I do still enjoy Maliketh and think his lore and presentation make up for my many gripes with his fight.
#11: Lichdragon Fortissax
The other major dragon fight of Elden Ring, Fortissax, doesn't hit quite as hard as Placidusax for me unfortunately. Undeniably awesome with his presentation and placed in a real scary arena, Fortissax ends up being quite overwhelming with his combination of deathblight clouds and red lightning. The latter definitely drags the fight down for me quite a bit, as I much prefer Placi's 4 timed strikes with much greater range and damage over Fortissax's constant shower of them. However, while I do have many gripes with this fight, I can't deny the concept of a death-riddled dragon protecting his former best friend is one of the coolest presented by Elden Ring and, lightning aside, Fortissax does show that the ancient dragons are actually really good, whereas every other encounter with them ends up being quite messy due to elevations really messing up their movesets in my eyes.
#12: Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree/Loretta, Carian Knight
In my opinion the MOST underrated boss in the game. Loretta is awesome, with a gorgeous armor set and a super fun take on the already pretty enjoyable Tree Sentinel moveset. Her greatbow spell drops are some of my favorites in the game to boot. Unfortunately, she does blend in a bit with all the other horse bosses (I blame the five-hundred Night's Cavalry) and ends up never being very challenging, but on paper, her moveset is well telegraphed and fun to dodge. My only gripe is that the Carian Phalanx and Glintstone Stars she begins casting when you move away can be a little bit annoying, but overall, Loretta is easily the best miniboss in the game in my opinion.
#13: Dragonkin Soldier of Nokstella
Another boss that I don't really feel gets a good amount of appreciation is the Dragonkin Soldier of Nokstella. Ignoring the one in the Lake of Rot, Dragonkin Soldiers are just really cool to me, both in lore and design, as well as their fight. Not only do you fight this one in what might be my favorite arena in the game visually, it also has a surprising and unique phase transition not seen in any of the other soldiers, with the Nokstella soldier sprouting wings and beginning to cast frozen lightning, which is one of the coolest magic concepts Elden Ring provides in my opinion. My only wish is that the second phase would trigger a lot sooner, as the boss is not very hard and often ends up dying before it gets time to shine.
#14: Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon
While I would agree Rennala is the best sorceror fight Fromsoft has provided thus far, I would not say that's a very difficult title to claim, nor is Rennala anything to write home about. Her first phase is quite simple but it is kind of fun to mow down rows upon rows of the juvenile scholars with a big weapon every now and then. Her second phase is fairly alright too, with Rennala not dishing out a ludicrous amount of damage and having a nice variety of sorceries to cast. A bit like Placidusax, I do sometimes find the fight drags on a bit as she stalls and relies on her summons rather than actually fighting you, but considering how easy she is, it's really no big deal. Of course I can't not mention her gorgeous arena, as it immediately made me think back to Bloodborne's Moonside lake, and anything that reminds me of Bloodborne gets a plus in my book.
#15: Commander Niall
Out of the 2 commander bosses, Niall is definitely the more standout one. Banished Knights suck and I hate them, so I'll try to look at Niall on his own, and I gotta say, I quite like him. His hitboxes can feel a bit over the top but that aside I think he's genuinely a really fun fight, and definitely the hardest miniboss the game has to offer in my opinion. His weapon, while absurd, is quite cool and definitely worth a try for those who want to focus on physical stats but still have the benefits of lightning damage, especially seeing as it scales with dexterity anyway. Niall definitely feels like a good pick to be guarding the last thing you need to enter the Haligtree.
#16: Magmawyrm Makar
While I often find myself annoyed with the other Magma Wyrms and their tendency to do little else besides their magma charge, Makar is quite a fun little miniboss in my opinion. The ruin-strewn precipice is a fairly cool little side area and Makar is a very good capper for it and an even better guardian for the Altus Plateau. His reveal is quite funny, but overall, I can't really say much about this boss, as his fight is just okay across the board. Nothing particularly annoying nor amazing to note, really.
#17: Regal Ancestor Spirit/Ancestor Spirit
The Ancestor Spirits are, in my opinion, mostly noteworthy for their gorgeous music and presentation, but their fights end up being quite lacklustre unfortunately due to a fairly limited movepool. They're not hard at all, with the Regal Spirit's only "challenge" coming from the hard to dodge roll it attains after absorbing a boar's soul and the health regen move it pulls out every now and then. Much like Makar, I can't really say I love, nor hate these two, but the Regal Spirit's aformentioned health regen does make it a bit more bothersome than Makar on occasion. Overall, their beautiful design and music do make them worth experiencing even despite their medicore fight.
#18: Godskin Noble
I found myself actually quite enjoying the Godskin Noble as of late, to the point I'd actually say they're a little overhated. The thrusting attacks feel nice to dodge but even better to block and counter but obviously it's far from perfect. Obviously his roll has gained infamy ever since the game came out and understandably so, but other moves such as its powerful thrust can also be a bit tough to work with. Other than that, Godskin Noble is a perfect example of a boss that is so perfectly alright that i don't have much else to praise it for nor complain about.
#19: Elden Beast
While also being kind of undeserving of all the hatred it receives, Elden Beast is very far from being a fun boss in my opinion. For starters, it is WAY too tanky, with half of its fight feeling like a sisyphean effort of slapping its chest until something finally happens. Additionally, its moveset feels very limited, especially for a final boss. Lastly, and most importantly, it does really bother me that in order to even be able to fight this extremely tanky boss, you have to beat another fairly difficult one beforehand every time, so it becomes a kind of unbearable endurance run in hopes of having enough ressources left to beat this fairly underwhelming boss. Its one redeeming feature comes in form of its truly breathtaking design, but otherwise, I can't say I'm a big fan.
#20: Astel, Naturalborn of the Void
Astel used to be in my Top 5 but he quickly fell out of favor after the Honeymoon phase of "Wow, they added a Bloodborne Great One to the end of my favorite character's quest line" wore off. Astel is, for lack of a better word, annoying. His wide range and tendency to fly above a lot of moves with his thin gangly body make him bothersome to approach and a lot of his attacks, such as waves of darkness, meteorite shower and the gravity ring just feel bad to dodge or get hit by. Astel is another boss whose main merit comes from presentation and design, but unfortunately, his fight is quite weak with very few redeeming qualities in my opinion.
#21: Godskin Apostle
This may be a bit of a hot take, but I've found myself struggling with Godskin Apostle a lot more than Noble, to the point I like it a fair bit less. His twinblade combos can be quite a hassle and he feels much more prolific with his usage of blackflame than the Noble. His blackflame tornado and weapon helicopter are also pretty annoying. Overall, I don't really enjoy the Godskin Apostle's fight, but it feels like more of a personal struggle than the boss actually being bad, hence its ranking.
#22: Mimic Tear
I really don't have much to say about this boss. It's hard to consistently judge as how fun or annoying it is entirely depends on how you approach it. Overall though, I do like the concept and it can be quite funny. Due to its inconsistency and me not really caring for NPC invaders in general though, I'll just put it as the cut-off point for bosses I just genuinely dislike.
#23: Godskin Duo
Godskin Duo isn't good, but it's not as bad as people say either in my opinion. Being made up of two pretty average bosses and especially after the balance patch to duo bosses, the Duo ends up just being a kind of whatever fight that can be a bit annoying sometimes. I really don't have much to say other than that. Guess I will use this spot to say how much I love the Godskin theme though.
#24: Draconic Tree Sentinel
I don't like this guy he looks like burnt chicken and waffles. I don't really have much to say about this guy either. His AoEs and Hitboxes can be real weird and annoying and I hate the horse fireball spam you will be subjected to if you even dare try to heal. He's just kind of a necessary evil, not really worth complaining about.
#25: Fire Giant
By far my least favorite remembrance boss, Fire Giant is everything people say is wrong with fromsoft's plethora of giant bosses. Not only do you just spend the entire time slapping its ankles, Fire Giant also has an absurdly massive health pool, and a boss that wastes your time will always annoy me more than one that gets you with cheap bullshit. While having a fantastic and underrated theme and really cool lore, I really don't enjoy fighting Fire Giant at all due to his large health pool and wide range AoEs.
#26: Elemer of the Briar
I can't stand this guy and I can't stand that there's like 8 of him. I really don't see where this "Elemer is the most underrated boss" idea came from, because I personally think Elmo deserves every bit of hate he gets. My girlfriend put it perfectly when she said "Elemer has a punish for you existing", because it really does feel like he can counter everything you do, no matter if you're healing, jumping, casting or attacking. While it's cool that his sleek sword is the reward for fighting him, I really don't enjoy the battle with Elemer at all.
#27: Leonine Misbegotten
Genuinely how do you make Gael, Dark Souls' greatest boss in my opinion, so fucking unbearable. With a non stop barrage of overly staggering sword swings, Leonine Misbegotten is without fail an insanely annoying fight for me. Its arena is really cool but that is about the only positive I can give it. I already don't like Castle Morne, nor the Grafted Blade and Leonine Misbegotten really doesn't help either of their cases.
#28: Valiant Gargoyles
Like I said before, Godskin Duo isn't as bad as actually say. Valiant Gargoyles, on the other hand, might somehow be worse, despite nobody being able to stand them anyway. I really don't have anything of note to add to the conversation about this god awful fight and writing about these bosses I hate is already draining enough, so I'll just move on.
#29: Red Wolf of Radagon
While I do think from a game design perspective, Valiant Gargoyles and Gideon are worse, Red Wolf frustrates me more than anything else. Not only is it a cheap attempt at making Dark Souls fans rejoice by reusing scrapped content from 3 that's obviously reminiscent of one of the most memorable fights in the first game, Red Wolf is also just really annoying, with its overy long combos and tendency to avoid attacks by jumping around aimlessly. The only saving grace is it's tiny health pool, but that still requires you hit it to begin with, which, unfortunately, isn't always a given. Red Wolf just pisses me off in a way I can't really properly describe but at least it's over quick most of the time.
#30: Sir Gideon Ofnir, the All-Knowing
Not only is Gideon a massive cunt, his boss fight also sucks. Being everything wrong with both NPC invaders and sorceror bosses, Gideon is one unbearable spam sandwich of spells that more than likely will kill you in 2 shots. Gideon has genuinely no redeeming qualities that affect his fight and there is a very good reason everyone uses his admittedly pretty cool monologue to instantly bumrush him the second they pass the fog gate. Gideon's fight really is a huge letdown considering how much of a despicable cunt he is, but I suppose there wasn't really a better way to do it. Regardless, I hate fighting Gideon. It's cheap, annoying, unfair and rewards you with a subpar weapon. If he wasn't mandatory nobody would be fighting this guy.
I need to redo this so bad omfg