On December 24th 2018 in the wake of our family tragedy, I sat in my grandmotherās kitchen talking about health and fitness with 5 of my family members, we were making homemade pasta in preparation for Christmas the following day. I knew I needed to do something about my weight I couldnāt keep up the yo-yoing anymore. I remembered my cousinās bf was a Personal trainer and wrote meal plans for people. āDo you think heād be willing to write one for me?ā I asked. The answer was yes of course (it is his job after all). I messaged him at the start of the New Year and January 6th 2019 began my change.
Ā To start he needed my height, weight (by this point my weight sat at 61.6kg)Ā and waist measurement as well as photos of my front, back and both sides so that both he and myself could see changes over time. He also asked about the training I was doing.
He was detailed ā I sent him all of the foods I liked broken down into categories, fruit, vegetables, dairy, proteins and snacks.
His rule was easy; eat all of the food on the meal plan It doesnāt matter what order you eat them in as long as it all gets eaten. Sounded easy enough.
The first meal plan he sent through I was eating over 2000 calories. Immediate panic ensued. 2000! Calories! That was over double what I would normally have eaten to try and lose weight. What was he doing? I had made a terrible mistake, and this was definitely not going to work. But Iām not a quitter and I had agreed to give it a go, so I put on my big girl pants and began prepping for the week.
The week went by and I was eating more food than I ever could have imagined. By the end of every day I thought I was going to explode. Kris was good though and checked in with me a couple of times through the week to see how I was feeling/coping. āFullā was always my reply. He assured me that it would be fine and he needed to assess where my metabolism, and by extension my whole body was at.
Sunday came and it was time for my weigh in, I was anxious, I stepped on the scale and lo and behold I had put on weight. Messaging Kris was nerve wracking but he said it was ok ā still I panicked inside. He dropped my calories by about 300. They continued to drop each week and by the end of January I was down to 1300 calories. Kris explained that because of the way I had tried to diet in the past I had what he referred to as metabolic adaptation. My body was used to eating so few calories that the second I ate even a little bit more than that I would put on weight. Well great. Now what?
Reverse dieting thatās what.
āReverse dieting involves gradually increasing calorie intake after dieting in an effort to boost metabolism. Itās especially popular for bodybuilders looking to ease their transition back to a normal diet.ā
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/reverse-dieting#what-it-is
Ok so I was going to be losing fat and gaining muscle simultaneously ā a difficult process I was told. And it was/is. Eventually my body will adapt and my calories would be high enough that chances of me overeating day to day as well as when I go out would be much smaller.
I was still going to the gym (over a month straight which was a new record for me) I had paid for a few PT sessions as I was a gym novice and needed help knowing which exercises I should be doing. I stopped the PT by the end of January I had enough of a program to be on my own (or so I thought).
Since he is a PT as well, why didnāt I just go to the gym with Kris you ask? Well his gym was 30min away from my house and not super convenient for me to go before or after work. I stuck to my gym close to home.
As I continued with the meal plan and gym I started to notice changes in my clothes even though looking in the mirror I didnāt really think I looked much different.
By April I had lost just over 4kg but my calories werenāt increasing at the rate they should have been. When Kris suggested I train with him, I bit the bullet and agreed.
I spent the next 8 weeks training with Kris twice a week and 3 times on my own (with a program he put together). I avoided eating out and if I absolutely had to Kris would tell me what the best thing to eat was and what meals I should take out to compensate.
Even on my mums 50th birthday I stuck to my own meal plan whilst everyone around me ate pizza, pasta and more dessert than you can imagine. Iām Italian- we like our food.
Ā I persevered and by June 20th 2019 my calories were up to 1800, I weighed 56.3kg and my waist was down to 28.5 inches. That ladies and gentlemen was also the same day I left for Europe for a month. 8 countries, 18 days with a short stint in London at the end. I indulged. Pizza, pasta and gelato in Italy, crepes in France, curry wurst in Germany and trdelnik in the Czech Republic. I didnāt really hold back. I tried to stick to some kind of a diet at the beginning but when the breakfast buffet consists of pretty much pastries only it made sticking to any semblance of a diet near impossible.
In preparation of my trip I researched each hotel to see which of those had gymsā¦ Short answer: none. So I bought some resistance bands so I could do some exercise whilst away. I did the best I could and used them every third day or so.
Ā Coming back I definitely knew the scale wouldnāt be kind. But I had made my choices over there, whatās done was done and I had to get over it. I came back weighing in at 62kg. I had essentially put on all of the weight that I had just lost a month prior.
Had I not gone to Europe then Iād be well and truly at my maintenance level by now and Iād solely be focusing on building muscle and getting as lean as possible.
I got straight back into the meal planning and training, I slowly began to drop some of the weight that had crept back on. August, September and October was extremely tough for me mentally. I felt like my body had stopped responding to training and food. I was getting frustrated.
At the end of September I attended the wedding of a friend. My meal plan was altered and I was supposed to only eat the main meal. Through canapĆ©s I was fine, through entrees I was fine. I ate the main and then out came dessert. A sticky date pudding. Not my favourite dessert but still goddamn tasty. I donāt think I even tasted the dessert ā I inhaled it in about 3 minutes flat. I immediately felt guilty. I knew I shouldnāt have eaten it and I wished I hadnāt. I was disappointed and annoyed at myself. It was the first time I had eaten something not part of the meal plan or meal plan substitution (not including Europe of course). That Sunday my weight came in 1kg heavier than the week prior. There was nothing I could do except brush it off move on. I vowed never to let it happen again.
Ā As we moved into October I started to see some changes in myself physically. My clothes fit better my waist measurement was getting smaller and overall I was pleased with my progress even if it was slow.
Ā In November I distinctly remember one weekend I measured my waist and I had gone up a quarter of an inch. I had a meltdown, I had been working so hard doing everything right and it wasnāt working. My calories were around the 1200 mark in an effort to lose as much fat as possible while still putting on muscle. But I was over the diet and the training, I felt I was going backwards not forwards. It wasnāt working - for me it had stopped working.
November also brought about the start of the festive season, I had lunches booked in at work that I thought would be like my usual substitution, I could pick a meal to eat and Kris would swap out what he needed to. But the Chinese restaurant we booked made it difficult to substitute. For some reason the fact that I wouldnāt be able to eat what my colleagues were eating hit me hard. I got very very emotional. I knew I was overreacting but I thought I was doing well. If I was hitting goals why couldnāt I eat out? What no one tells you is that the closer you get to reaching that goal the harder you need to work to achieve them.
It was the first time I had wanted to quit and I was so close to doing so. But I persevered. I dragged myself to the gym and my PT sessions. If you hadnāt noticed Iām a perfectionist, Iām most competitive with myself, I like to be the best. Quitting meant I would be losing to myself. This mindset though can be dangerous and it is for me, it makes me stubborn. If I continued with this thinking then I would certainly be on a path to self-destruction. Never happy with where I was and constantly reaching for a self-inflicted goal I couldnāt achieve.
Ā I mean shouldnāt I have the right to be able to love and be happy where I was at and the huge efforts and changes I had made?
Ā I went to the staff lunch but I ate a bowl of steamed greens, no sauce, no oil, no flavour. It was the least delicious thing Iāve ever eaten but as I checked my waist measurement that weekend I was happy with my decision. I had lost half an inch on my waist.
Ā Those of you reading this I can feel your judgement from here, just like I felt it from my colleagues on the day. āWhy donāt you just eat something?ā āSurely it wouldnāt make that much difference?āā.Ā Maybe it would have maybe it wouldnāt but it was my decision and mine alone.
Ā I can also here the āHow vain is she?ā āYou canāt eat like that the rest of your life. Itās not sustainableā. And youāre right itās not. But this isnāt about vanity, this is about my overall health. If Iām strict now then once I have corrected the issues caused from poor diet practices I can relax with the strictness.
Ā Two weeks later and another Christmas party popped up. This time I didnāt even ask, I knew what I had to do. I rang the restaurant and asked to have steamed vegetables instead of the set menu. They were very accommodating and happily fulfilled my request. Again that weekend brought another drop to my waistline by a quarter of an inch.Ā Ā
The end of November brought about my birthday and even then I chose not to indulge in cake but instead enjoyed my usual yoghurt and banana as per my meal plan. My colleagues were annoyed at me that I didnāt want a cake because then they didnāt get any, even though I said they could get one and I just wouldnāt have a piece.
Itās now December 2019 as I write this and Iām three weeks away from my waist needing to be 28 ā 28.5 inches and three weeks away from a diet break. This means for me that Iāve hit my maintenance. Will I get there? I hope so. Am I terrified? Absolutely. Iāve relied on someone telling me what to eat for the better part of a year and to be on my own is daunting, I donāt want to undo all of the hard work.Ā
I still feel anxious when Iām asked out to an event, what will I eat? Can I take my own food? How will this affect my weigh on Sunday? Every family function Iāve been to for the last 6 weeks Iāve taken my own food. I look forward to the day that these thoughts stop entering my mind and if anyone has any tips on how to do that please feel free to share.
I started off 2019 as wanting to get skinny but it became so much more than that. It became about my overall health and about a lifestyle change about bettering myself long term.
I look forward to 2020 and the new set of challenges it brings. I hope to see you with me along the way.
