South Park sideblog! With smatters of other adult (PG-13) media
22, she/her, and hopelessly sapphic bisexual. Big fan of Butters and lover of shenanigans!
one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.
Hear me out as a concept: somewhere in the multiverse, there is a Rick who is at least a little decent to Morty--a bit like how C-137 Morty perceived Rick under the Sympathid influence.
Another Morty finds out about Good Person Rick, and runs away from his Rick.
When the first one comes, Good Person Morty is a bit confused, and just stammers out something like "H-h-hey man, you--I'm sorry your Rick's shitty, but you can't stay here. Your Rick's probably looking for you, he-he's probably pretty worried." and Runaway Morty (as Good Person Rick has scanned out Runaway Morty's microchip and is calling Runaway Morty's Rick) is like "....Mortys are pretty affordable, he'll probably just buy another. We're basically cloaking devices for brainwaves because we're so dumb we cancel his out, isn't that why your Rick takes you on adventures?" and Good Person Morty is like "What?? What the fuck, no!! Rick and I hang out because he's my grandpa! What the hell, man! Is that what your Rick told you? No wonder you ran away, geez"
((A/N: Even Good Person Rick does primarily take his Morty with him anywhere intergalactic for the brainwave cloaking tech, but he was nice enough to politely not mention that and tell Good Person Morty it's because he enjoys his company)).
Good Person Rick, on the phone, has gotten ahold of Runaway Morty's Rick and politely but firmly told him that he has his Morty, and he is welcome to drop by their galaxy and pick his Morty up on the condition that he doesn't yell at or insult his Morty. Runaway Morty's Rick audibly groans and barks "Whatever, I'll just get another at the Mortyporium".
Good Person Rick gently tells the Mortys that there's a bit of an intergalactic traffic jam and Runaway Morty can stay with them until his Rick gets him or they are able to turn him into the Citadel Morty Academy (where the rest of the Mortys were learning how to be good assistants to new Ricks in that Tales of the Citadel episode). In the meantime, Runaway Morty can have some hot chocolate and they'll set up an air mattress in the garage. Word gets out and then like ten other Mortys (of various willingness to kill all other Mortys and take Good Person Morty's place) are all staying at Good Person Rick's house.
Most of them are better than Good Person Morty in Nintendo Smash Bros. All of them like Jessica. Good Person Rick is slowly under more and more stress trying to manage all the Mortys--a lot of them go to Morty Academy, a lot of them, their Ricks change their mind and come get them, sometimes the new Mortys just want to hang out with Good Person Rick forever and he really doesn't want to break their hearts because he does love Morty. But there's like. A lot of them now.
Comparing the general sense of dread they feel all the time is how Unmedicated Morty finds out a lot of the more successful or confident Mortys are effectively on space Lexapro. Most of the Mortys have GAD and learning disability, some actually got help.
This is all coincidentally how one of them found out she's a girl, one got diagnosed with a severe shellfish allergy (he thought he just didn't like it or he had space parasites or something) and two find out they're anemic (they complained about fatigue all the time and their Ricks just told them to stop being bitches)
Two of the Mortys horse around once and one accidentally triggers the other's adrenaline-activated defense biomods.
Good Person Rick and Good Person Morty come back from an adventure to see all the Mortys beating the shit out of each other to see what biomods they all have
He has to stun the garage, unfreeze one of the not-actively-brawling Mortys to ask, who explains it and then demands that since Preppy Morty has a donkey kick that delivers an electric shock, he wants the same.
Rick has to then take a few deep breaths before unfreezing all the Mortys and scolding them on how dumb a plan this was when they don't even know if they have biomods at all (one didn't), if their Ricks installed them correctly, if they were outdated, if they could have killed each other, etc, and no. That he will absolutely not be adding any more.
About a half-dozen of the better-modified Mortys get packed into the car and driven to the Morty Academy after this; Good Person Rick makes it very clear that this is not a punishment, just a better program for displaced Mortys anyway than his fucking garage.
Each of the departing Mortys gets their microchip updated with any unknown medical information and a little kit of rations, medicine, and home-made cookies; Girl Morty reaches for a cookie before Good Person Rick smacks her hand away and reflexively snaps "Ah, ah! Are the Hershey kisses at the vet's office for every dog?"
All the Mortys start panicking that that means he just fucking euthanized the departing Mortys. Good Person Rick just sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose, and slaps Good Person Morty on the back into the garage to clear this one up.
Quietly, Jerry's favorite Morty is not Good Person Morty. It's the one he dubs "Polite Morty" who always listens to him, laughs at his jokes, and helps him around the house.
He very much considers swapping the tags on Polite Morty and Good Person Morty
Polite Morty gets eventually sent to the Morty Academy with a small stack of photos of birds Jerry took at his birdfeeder. He's not really that interested but too polite to show as much so he thanks Jerry sincerely.
Good Person Morty is also just about certain that one of the refugee Mortys swapped out some of his shiny/holographic Pokémon cards with weird alternate foils but nobody else cares.
I really, and I mean really, hate to say it, but--Morty is absolutely top of the list on characters who would use a One Wish Willow to make their crush like them. He would probably not even think about radioing in Rick until absurdly late in the game.
Imagine you were a Morty in the Rick and Morty universe and a bunch of other Mortys decide your unique, immediately evident feature is "Unmedicated Morty". Then what.
scientists are trying to discover something harder than getting out of bed to go to work in the morning. and dont make a fucking penis joke ok they already checked everyone’s dick and it doesn’t even come close
Once again out from work and down for the count (migraine this time), so you're hanging out with me! But gang aft, might there be some repercussions to two jobs, one dealing with wastewaters, by how much sick time I've burned.
Me, the pinnacle of hubris: Huh, I just have not been feeling the vibe lately. I'd love a day to sleep in and watch movies, but I hate being snotty and gross. Maybe some cramps or nausea?
Me, today, hunched over the toilet: God is pulling me towards Hell
Once again out from work and down for the count (migraine this time), so you're hanging out with me! But gang aft, might there be some repercussions to two jobs, one dealing with wastewaters, by how much sick time I've burned.
Once upon a time there was a girl whose wicked stepmother forced her to clean the entire house for Pesach all by herself. So while her stepmother and stepsisters left early for the grand seder at the Prince's palace, the girl spent the afternoon sweeping and dusting and washing and polishing. As she finally burned the last crumbs of chametz in the fireplace, she saw the sun setting and knew she would never make it to the Prince's seder on time, so she began to prepare her own meager dinner: a little Passover pizza. But miraculously, her fairy godmother appeared and transformed the pizza into a flying carpet to take her to the palace, and the cheese into a beautiful dress for her to wear. And to commemorate this story, to this very day, that cheese is named after that girl: they called her Matzah-rella.
My asshole son (Muffin the cat) has been on a diet, on account of him being overweight. I've been losing my fuck damned mind because he is not losing weight, even when sticking to the vet reccomended diet.
Found out that the dickhead (affectionate) has figured out that the food is in the utility room cupboard. He has figured out how to hook his claws into the door, pry it open, and get into the fucking cupboard at night, where he then shoves his head in the bag and eats as much as he wants.
He then exits and closes the fucking cupboard like the genius little goddamn prick he is.
Update; my fluffy 25 pound dickhead of a Maine coon mix Disapproves Strongly of the child locks on the food door. Loudly. Is now attempting to figure out how to work a child lock with his enormous crime paws.
Yesterday my little brother told me something very sweet and touching, that when he was a kid and had nightmares about monsters chasing him or whatever he would be able to end the nightmare by finding me in the dream and I would protect him by fighting off the zombies, or carrying him away. This is adorable, and makes me feel like the greatest older sibling in the world, but the hilarious thing is that when I was a kid I had nightmares of needing to save him from zombies and such. so many dreams where he was in trouble and I needed to save him. Like my nightmares began where his ended. Low key I think he mastered the ability to psychically transfer his nightmare to me as a child and I'm kind of annoyed with him.
Man Im sorry for snapping at you , uts just that I only got 8 hours of sleep last night and I only had like, two pandcakes with strawberrys and whipped cream and like three premium sausags for breakfast
I haven't seen any of the newer episodes since the Sora one, but I'm often half absentminded while filtering water at work, so here's my (very rough) concept of one of my favorite controversies, parodied as if it were a newer episode. (This one is more centered on the girls, because I'm nothing if not a feminist/hj)
A handful of Girl Scouts have a booth set up outside of Walmart selling cookies. Among them, Red looks visibly disinterested. Her tune switches to super cheerful when a customer walks by, but between guests, she bitches to another Girl Scout that they're all getting equal credit from the booth, but some of the girls are just standing there or going on their phones. The other girl sympathetically tells her it sucks, but they've got to work towards the Build a Bear 200 box goal somehow.
Red then gets the idea that she could very easily undercut the competition by making and selling cookies at school herself. She explains this from the frame of a TikTok small business introduction video, then goes on to introduce Reddy Set: where you can order a base cookie flavor (chocolate, vanilla, shortbread, lemon), choose two mix in ingredients/toppings, and get six cookies brought to you in a cute bag for, about $12.
This is definitely a little pricier, but she actually gets a shout out in the student news from P.C. Principal for starting a small woman owned business and using higher quality ingredients. (Jesus buys a bag, mostly just to be nice and support her, and then uses Jesus skills to make that one bag produce enough cookies for the whole faculty lounge. Jesus does not make a lot of money). It garners enough attention that Heidi comes by and orders chocolate cookies with caramel and coconut.
Then, well. While she dated Cartman, she'd eaten tons of sweet and junky food. She knows what she tastes as soon as she bites into it.
Red managed to get a slightly different form of normal Girl Scout cookies that come in premade dough balls and are meant to be baked in a store. She very clearly just took Samoa dough and tossed in some fillers to make it look homemade and spread out her product.
Heidi expresses this to Red quietly; Red quickly tries to gaslight her by quipping something along the lines of that she must have eaten too many junky store bought cookies and ruined her taste buds. Heidi looks at her firmly and reiterates that she knows what she had, and unless Red has managed to perfectly reengineer them, sodium benzoate and all, she's netting easily at least a dollar per cookie.
Red asks her what she wants. Heidi says she wants a cut, and she'll make it worth the while.
Reddy Set cookies are now $15 for six; Heidi films lots of cute influencer videos showcasing new flavor combos she and Red made, gushes about the amount of mix ins the customer gets in each cookie (to stretch the product yet more), and the girls cite rising ingredient cost for the reason the cookies cost more. (Heidi is now getting about $3 in "advertising" and 20 percent of the profits in hush money. We stan a queen).
Wendy, meanwhile, sees these and makes joking videos with Bebe with jewelry (friendship bracelets and charms) they're making where they pretend they're selling them for even more ridiculous prices because the twine was spun off of Peruvian alpacas, and the unique color combo that is pink and purple is just so avant garde they have to factor that in. These obviously satirical videos start to go viral.
Such and so forth, people start to actually want to buy the bracelets from Wendy and Bebe. The girls offer them at reasonable prices for a little bit, and then realize business spikes when they do mystery scoops and make little videos of them opening the bubbles, packing the order, and making the bracelets. Now, for $15, you can get three bracelets, two charms, and a mystery item from Beads & Berets, all with a video of them packing it while gossiping about the tea. They also tease that one of their mystery items is a Reddy Set cookie.
Business for Reddy Set takes a nosedive, because almost everyone tries to get the sampler from Beads & Berets. Red heavily considers trying to cancel them online or spread rumors about their product, but the idea makes Heidi sick to her stomach; instead, she makes videos about how great it is that people are choosing a better-quality product that supports a local business instead of some inethically-sourced cheaper alternatives (all while stressing that Reddy Set cookies are a treat to be enjoyed periodically, and she prefers buying a six-pack once in a while to feel good about herself instead of a cheaper goodie that directly contributes to landfill waste and supports big megacorporations.) It's almost like every Reddy Set cookie gives you a little boost of morality! That's ethical consumption, babe!
Jesus makes a brief, curt announcement that unlicensed selling on school grounds or bullying other students is frowned upon; Heidi makes a TikTok zooming in on the plate of Reddy Set cookies in the staff room and Jesus with his arms out to "Pop Like This".
Grown adults start contacting the school or trying to skim Heidi's account trying to order Reddy Set cookies like indulgences. The girls start saying something like "Every cookie makes you better!" P.C. Principle starts soliciting his old frat bros to support Red and Heidi's business
Jesus very firmly writes a full list of reasons this is all a bad idea and sticks it to the school doors. P.C. accidentally tears it down rushing his frat brothers in to order and tip Red and Heidi.
Marjorine, ever to hop on the trends, finally gets her cookies (she ordered them six weeks ago when they were still $15; they're like $25 now) and splits one with Kenny.
Kenny muffles "[$15 for cookies? They'd better be made of crack]". After some munching, he says they're pretty good, but not worth the price. Marjorine agrees, and quips they'd probably be better if they WERE made with crack; the cookie is like 70% pretzels & caramel chips, she feels like she got sold baby powder.
Red hears this, and reflexively starts beating the snot out of her.
Marjorine panics and offers to say they're good, all while Red is letting out some pent-up stress and yelling about ingredient and labor cost; Cartman has snagged one of Marjorine's other cookies and is eating it while egging on the fight.
Beads & Berets, of course, catches the whole thing on video and starts selling a custom "cookiegate" bracelet. Heidi sees her chance out and takes it making a video about how she had no idea Red was that type of person; Red takes Heidi down with the ship by posting their text agreements.
Beads & Berets finally shuts down after just saying they ran out of beads and embroidery thread and their moms won't buy more. Marjorine gets the last cookiegate charm bracelet on the house, and it instantly breaks on her wrist.
