Hey guys, I know I rarely post on here but there’s something I really would like to say on the new late night vlogs Mark made, I Feel Lost.
I realize I’ve been apart from this fandom for a very long time, and I want to write it all out, it’s swirling in my mind right now.
I started watching Markiplier in May of 2014, when he had around 4 million subscribers. I absolutely fell in love with his vibe, his joy, his dedication to what he was doing. Especially the love that he poured out into the community, and in return, the love the community poured back to him, especially towards each other.
The greatest thing however, that I can never understate, is his affect on me as a person. I was of course taken with the charity livestreams he would throw and even if I couldn’t afford the wonderful items for sale, I would always try and give money to the different amazing organizations that he brought to attention. But it never stopped there, I found myself wanting to help others in all ways, to go out of my way and do charitable acts, not for attention but because of the idea that I was making somebodies life easier, I was taking the negative energy swarming my life and putting it to something that was making others happy.
And as far as the negativity goes, it was only just beginning. 2015 was my graduation year of high school and pretty much everything was going wrong. My self esteem and self worth reached the lowest it had ever been at that point, and I was having personal drama in every aspect of my life. And Mark was just about the only thing that made me smile, that made me think my life was worth living. He got me through the day.
2016 was a new hell. My parents were freshly divorced, my dad was having a hard time coping, all of the kids either lived on their own or chose to move to Ohio with my mom. Living under a roof with all new people, a state that I had never been to before and having no job, no school, losing every single one of my friends back where I grew up, not to mention all of the number of deaths and horror that came with that year, I was just in such a horrible place. I was officially diagnosed with major depression, and retreated to my misery.
Here’s the thing. I don’t think Mark is a horrible person in any way, shape or form. I love that man. He’s given me so much hope. But the vibe, the joy in his videos was just gone. It was like watching someone entirely different. It was too much. I haven’t watched any of his videos in over a year.
I watched that new vlog and I saw the Mark I had back in 2014, he’s trying so hard to be able to just feel that magic we all felt when he began it all. I’m ready to try and get back into him, and the fandom again, and I’m grabbing my Tiny Box Tim from the shelf.
I feel bad for not seeing the way something like fame could affect a channel like his. He’s still Mark. And I’m still me. And so much of me came from him and I know so much of him comes from us.
(also if you guys have some more recent (2016+) videos of Mark that you guys have seriously enjoyed, please send me the names)
andulkaphoto
baratheonpilled
2087
prguitarman
amandla
ellievsbear
