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@marlenemcknncn
Marlene McKinnon (d. July, 1981) was a witch and member of the original Order of the Phoenix. She fought in the First Wizarding War and was murdered by Death Eaters, along with her family. The McKinnons were described as being one of the families Voldemort and his followers completely wiped out.
Marlene McKinnon. She was killed two weeks after this was taken… they got her whole family.
how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
Sirius frowned at Marlene’s words. “People are idiots.” He said. She didn’t seem upset at the comment, but he felt like he had to say it anyway. The two of them got so much shit for their reputations, even he got sick of it sometimes. It wasn’t offensive per-se, Sirius was comfortable with sex and wasn’t ashamed of anything, but it could get annoying when other people looked down on you for it- especially when so much of it wasn’t even true.
He laughed at her ‘flaunting’, rolling his eyes. “I’m sure it works wonders for you. I’ll have to remember that if I need a favor from someone who doesn’t swing my way.” He teased, smirking.
“Cash or sugar quills?” He scoffed. “And here I was thinking my company was the most valuable thing I could offer.” He smirked, nudging her again. They sat so close, and he knew he kept touching her, but what could he say? His brain wasn’t all there tonight, and even through the arm of his sweater sleeve the feel of her skin was still grounding.
Sirius swallowed thickly, absorbing her words. He knew she was right- as she so often was, though he hated to admit it. He nodded, snubbing out the butt of his cigarette with a charm he’d finally perfected. He looked at it, rolling the tiny remaining bit between his pointer finger and thumb for a few moments as he calmed his breathing to normal. “Thanks, Marls.” He said quietly. His voice was fucked from the earlier crying but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
He let out a surprised chuckle. “It’s been said I’m not the most observant of people.“ It was a joking answer, but it was also spot on. It was this- the perfect balance of emotion and joking, seriousness and not, that allowed Sirius to fall into this easy relationship. She could read him like a damn book and he didn’t even mind. Somehow, she knew what he needed, even when he didn’t. James had that power, too, but it was another thing that was different with Marlene. Softer, maybe. He didn’t know. He just knew that they fit, and he was damn glad they did.
It was cheesy as shit, but while half of Sirius begged to keep touching, keep kissing, keep going- a deeper part of him knew he would be more than satisfied if they carried on like this the rest of the night. Eyes on eyes, hands in each others hair. Gentle, sweet air between them. But then she said it.
I want you.
Sirius’ brain stopped. Thankfully, his body had operated fine without his brain for 17 years and it still knew exactly what to do. There’s always time for thought later.
Marlene straddled him and not to be dramatic or anything, but Sirius’ was pretty sure his soul left his body for a second. This was the side of Marlene that Sirius enjoyed the most - she knew what she wanted and she took it. And right now, what she wanted was him. Sirius certainly wouldn’t be the one to stand in her way.
He moved his hands down, down, down, landing on her hips and he didn’t realize how long he’d wanted to touch her like this until now and he couldn’t get enough of her.
Sirius brought a hand over to her waist, playing with the hem of her t-shirt, making sure he was lightly touching her stomach as he did. When they broke apart for air Sirius smirked up at her. “That comment about losing your shirt earlier,” he said between breaths, “I may take you up on that now.”
The deep conversation they were having seemed to completely evaporate from Marlene’s mind. Her thoughts totally consumed by the feeling of his lips, the faint taste of tobacco on his tongue. The feeling of his hair between her fingers. She was allowing herself to be completely and utterly consumed by Sirius Black and she certainly wasn’t going to stop it. She could finish the conversation later, there were more pressing matters at hand.
Marlene wasn’t really sure what she was doing; she was just letting her feelings lead in this moment. Instead of overanalysing the situation and coming up with reasons why they shouldn’t be doing this. She could come up with all those reasons another time.
The feeling of his hands on her body only pushed her further over the edge, completely free falling into whatever this was that they were doing. Their lips moving together as they seemed to get closer and closer with every touch, with every breath that fell from their lips.
When his hands moved to her hips she couldn’t help but move under his touch. Her hands still firmly in his hair, as her lips broke contact with his to kiss down his jaw as his long fingers explore the skin under her shirt.
It felt weird, Marlene couldn’t put her finger on the exact feeling she was having. It was a mash of emotions; but she couldn’t stop feeling this sense of inevitably. Like a series of events had led her here, to Sirius. As goddamn cheesy as that sounded, it definitely wasn’t something that she was ever going to admit out loud to Sirius or anyone for that matter.
Marlene felt lightheaded, the only thing she could hear was the sound of her own pulse raging in her ears. When they pulled away for air, she hadn’t even realised how empty her lungs had been and all but took in an almighty gasp as she tried her best to retain her composure. It took her a minute to register that he’d spoken, her mind finally catching up with what was happening and what he’d said. Marlene looked down at his own bare chest, her hands moving from his hair to trace his bare skin. ‘’Fairs, fair I suppose...’’ Marlene shrugged her shoulders softly, before pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it aside, exposing the bare skin underneath. Before her hands went to pushing the cardigan he was wearing off his shoulders. Taking a tentative look around the room to triple make sure nobody else was in the common room with them.
‘‘Knew you were just angling to get my top off...’‘ Marlene chuckled softly.
how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
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Sirius couldn’t stop grinning at her. “I won’t tell anyone, but I would like it in writing.”
“Merlin, Marls.” He breathed out, fighting for his composure. If this was anyone else, the talking would be long over. He’d have pulled the shirt off the rest of the way for her and he wouldn’t be fighting at all against his instincts. But this was Marlene, and this was how they were. They did this shit for fun, as friends. He’d pushed her, and now she was pushing him back, just like they did in everything else. And yet, it was effort to pull his gaze from her chest as she yanked her sweater into place. He did, though, and looked towards the fire instead for a few moments. “And people say I’m a menace.” He said, shaking his head. “You’ve got to talk to your family about your heritage, I’m convinced there’s some Veela blood in there.”
“Prize, eh?” He smirked, looking back to her. “Well, is there something particular you’ve got in mind?” He said it before he could think about it, but now that he’d asked it he was practically desperate to know. Did she have a plan of action for this? Did she… want something from him? Or had she gone in as blind as he had?
He knew she was trying to help, he did, and she certainly wasn’t wrong, but her use of the word ‘were’ practically gutted him. He swallowed hard, and clapped a hand over hers. Sirius felt overwhelmed by the genuine tone of her voice. “You help plenty already.” He squeezed her hand for a moment. His mind was swimming with her words. She was right, of course, but it was difficult for Sirius to resign himself to it. Admitting there was only so much he could do, and that whatever Regulus’ decision may be, they’d both have to live with it. He nodded solemnly. When she offered up the optimistic words, Sirius knew she didn’t mean it, not entirely. No one could if they knew the situation. But Sirius knew she would never lie to him, either. So they had to have a drop of truth in them, at least, and they allowed the hope in him to live. “He always was the smart one, anyway. Even when we were little. He’ll see through those shitty Slytherin eventually.” It was true, it had to be.
It wasn’t like Sirius didn’t get affection. He showered James, Remus, and Peter with friendly affection constantly, and they never hesitated in returning it. Whether it was physical or emotional, they were all there for each other when they needed it, however they could be. Which is why Sirius didn’t understand why Marlene’s kind words had such as affect on him. They made his heart ache as if he’d never had anyone say them to him before; as if he didn’t have three friends upstairs that he knew for a fact felt the exact same way. Three friends who he’d pointedly avoided waking up to come down here and be alone with his misery instead. “Why are things so easy with you, huh, McKinnon?”
They were kissing. He’d kissed Marlene and she’d let him. She was kissing him back. Her hands were in his hair and fuck it was incredible. He moved his hand that wasn’t in her hair to her back, pulling her impossibly closer. She pulled away for breath and he opened his eyes as their foreheads rested together. It shouldn’t have been possible but Marlene looked even more irresistible this way, her lips red and beginning to puff. Then she asked what they were doing, and Sirius knew he could stop and think about it or- “Whatever you want.” He told her breathlessly. It would be easier for her to lead. If Marlene didn’t want to do anything, they wouldn’t, and that’d be that. All he could think about was getting his lips back on her, but he couldn’t bring himself to until she gave him the affirmative. He contented himself with looking at her, twisting a strand of her hair around one of his fingers.
‘‘Never.. that’s physical proof that I said it.’‘ Marlene teased; an evident smirk on her face.
Marlene gave a shrug; playfully flicking her hair over her shoulder as she smiled brightly at him. Still triumphant in her victory. ‘’And people call me a whore; so you know it’s swings and roundabouts..’’ she chuckled. ‘’If you’ve got it, flaunt it. use it your advantage every once in a while.’’ Using her body to win an argument was something she’d done on more than one occasion and it definitely wasn’t something she was not overly proud of. If this had been almost any other person in the common room; she could guarantee that there would be a considerably less mount of talking going on. But this was Sirius; and this was what they did. They pushed each other as far as they could go.
‘’I mean, cash prizes are always preferable. But I’ll accept a life time supply for sugar quills. It’s only fair.’’ Marlene let out a soft laugh; thinking over the words of the question. Thinking about the potential behind an offer like that; how she could use Sirius Black being indebted to her to her advantage.
Marlene sometimes wondered what her life would look like if she didn’t have the parents that she did. If she had been raised differently; would she still have the values she did? Or would she have been sucked in by the hateful agenda as well. It was the kind of thing you don’t ever know until you’re in that situation. ‘’The only thing you can do now is be there for him as much as you can and he’ll ket you..’’ she said softly; letting the truth behind her words seep through. ‘’Whatever he decides is his choice; but if he’s as smart as you say. I’m sure he’ll see through the facade of shit, before it’s too late.’’ Marlene said honestly; giving half a shrug.
‘‘Because I’m the best; honestly just the most perfect of people. I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to notice.’‘ Marlene let out a breathy laugh as they held each other. It was all ver intimate; but all the parts of Marlene that normally screamed for her to run weren’t. It was easy; sitting wrapped around him. Focusing on his breathing to settle her own. It felt right, almost, as cliche as it sounded.
Marlene wasn’t sure kissing had every felt like this before; her whole body felt like a live wire. When his hand moved to rest on her back she leaned impossibly closer to him as their mouths moved together. When she’d pulled back for air; she couldn’t help herself from studying his face. Trying to figure out what he was thinking; try to figure out what the hell this meant. Whatever you want.. Rang in her ears, what did she want? This was one of her best friends; at what point was the point of no return. Marlene’s hands remained in his hair as she thought; her finger idly playing with it. Before deciding to through all caution to the wind. ‘’I want you...’’ Marlene whispered against his lips as she leaned in to kiss him again; shifting her position so she was straddling his lap, deepening the kiss as she settled against him.
how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
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Sirius didn’t quite believe her, at least not entirely, but he trusted her. He knew she wouldn’t lie to him in an extreme way- if it became a real problem, she would seek help. At least, he hoped she would. She wasn’t dumb, after all, not like he could be at times (especially when it came to himself). He gave her a smile and nodded.
He stuck his tongue out at her before laughing again. “As if you’d let me bother you like this In the middle of the night if I was that annoying.” He said indignantly. “Even if I was annoying, though, it’d still be you subjecting yourself to it since I’m one of your favorite people ever.”
Sirius’ heart tripped over its next beat as his brain raced to figure out what Marlene meant. Before he could, though, she was speaking again and an airy laugh escaped his lips. She’s saved him from her own comment and he’d never been more relieved to be given an out from flirting. “I suppose if there was anyone whose moves I couldn’t handle it’d be yours. We are pretty evenly matched, after all.” It was true, no matter how much they argued the contrary. He competed with Marlene almost as much as he did with James, perhaps more. Even when one of them went ahead in something, the other’s determination usually had them caught up just in time to compete again.
Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but whatever answer he was about to give died in his throat as he watched her hands decide for him. His heart was in his throat, and though he did his best to school his expression he was sure his heated face was giving him away. When she began laughing again, he let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. Sirius chuckled at his own expense and rested his head back on the sofa for a moment, composing himself. “I surrender, now stop trying to kill me, would you?” He admitted as he sat up again.
There was nothing untrue about her words- it was exactly what he aimed for, actually. It was much easier for that to be his reputation, lessening the amount of disappointment when he turned down dates and didn’t shower girls with flowers or take them out on Valentine’s Day like they wanted him to. He liked shagging around, sure, but he wasn’t a bad guy. So he made sure everyone knew what they were getting into before anything happened. Of course, there were still consequences. Girls who thought they were different, or that they could change him. Men who thought he was gay and that was why he didn’t settle down with any girls, but maybe he would with them. They always ended up upset with him, as if he’d false advertised. But then- why did it hurt when Marlene said it?
“It’s not his fault, though. Not really.” Sirius insisted. This was an argument he’d had with James, but he didn’t want to argue with Marlene. He knew she was only trying to help, she just couldn’t grasp it, just like James couldn’t. Their families… they weren’t like his. And he was glad they weren’t, for his friends’ sake, but it made discussions like this more difficult because they couldn’t wrap their minds around it fully. “I had James and the others to show me how not to be a shitty pureblood. But before I had them to teach me- well, I had a lot of bad habits to break.” He let out a dry laugh. “You might remember. I dunno, we didn’t really talk then. But the point is, Reg doesn’t have mates to teach him. He’s only got ones reinforcing what our parents already have. So when he’s got people on all sides telling him that I’m the one whose got it wrong…” he shrugs. “I know I did what was right for me. And I don’t regret it. I just wish he wasn’t so blinded by them that he would’ve come with me.“
Marlene wrapped herself around him and Sirius wasn’t sure if it was calming him or breaking him more. He knew logically this was was what he needed, but there was still the part of him that wanted to punch through a wall or drink until he couldn’t think anymore instead. But Marlene was a heavy weight in his lap, grounding him and he allowed himself to sink into her, his head in the crook of her neck as he tried with all he had to believe her comforting words.
She wiped his remaining tears away with a gentleness that he’d never experienced before. Sirius felt his heart clench in his chest at the soft gesture. “Thank you,” he rasped out. He felt like if he spoke to loud it would break the strange perfection of the moment they were in. Maybe if he never broke it, he could just live in it’s warmth, in her warmth.
Maybe it was the mention of recklessness, of the flirting from earlier spurring his thoughts on, but when Marlene looked at him like that and asked ‘What do you need?’ The only answer he could think of was sitting in his lap already. Sirius’ eyes trailed from her eyes down to her lips for a moment, then back up to her eyes- god, she looked so damn sincere. Like she really cared. Sirius leaned in, slowly, eyes still on hers as he closed the space between them and crashed their lips together. Immediately, the tension in his body relaxed, and he felt more himself than he had in hours, his hand finding its way into her hair.
‘‘You’re a pain in the arse; but you’re my pain in the arse.’‘ Marlene stuck her tongue out at him; rolling her eyes at his next statement. ‘‘You might be kind of right about that. But if you tell anyone I admitted that; I will deny it.’‘
‘‘Evenly matched? I’m far superior my friend.’‘ Marlene let out a soft chuckle; letting out a soft sigh as he teased her; her eyes still studying his features. ‘‘Don’t you worry; I’ll save all my best moves for a nice rainy day when I need them.’‘ She teased; running her hand through her hair. Feeling very competitive; as always. But flirting wasn’t something she would normally compete in. However; she had to one-up him, it was law at this point.
Seeing the look on his face made Marlene’s stomach do a flip; and a part of her wanted to take the shirt off. Just to see his reaction; what he would do. She even bit on her bottom lip; just for the effect. Marlene clapped her hands in triumph as he conceded his defeat. Pulling her top down again, and pulling her cardigan over her chest once more. ‘’I win..’’ She said smugly; a smile evident on her face. ‘’What’s my prize?’’
She saw the look on his face at her comment about his sex life; and instantly regretted saying it. It wasn’t as if it weren’t true; but maybe it was a little harsh to call him out so harshly in the middle of the night.
‘‘I get that things were different for you.’‘ Marlene said softly. ‘‘Obviously my family aren’t as strict as yours were. I just wish I could help more? You know?’‘ She gave him a sad smile as he spoke. ‘‘We all have bad habits we learn from out parents.’‘ She shrugged her shoulders softly; pushing her long hair behind her shoulders. ‘‘I understand that; you can’t blame him for making the choices he has because it’s all he’s ever known?’’ Marlene said slowly, nodding her head in agreement with him. ‘‘I guess you just have to let him make those choices for himself; help as much as you can. But at the end of the day it’s his decision as to what path he’s going to take?’‘ Marlene said softly, her eyes searching his. ‘‘Maybe one day things will be different and you’ll be together again?’‘ Marlene was an eternal pessimist; and she never said things like that. But maybe what he needed was for someone to try and be a little optimistic; even if she didn’t fully believe her own words.
Marlene hated seeing people upset; especially people she cared about. So she let him collapse into her; her arms remaining around him. Holding him close to her as he buried his head in her neck; her fingers softly playing with the hair at the nape if his neck. Not caring about how intimate they looked wrapped in each other sitting on the couch.
‘‘I’m always here for you..’‘ Marlene whispered back; her hands remaining on his cheeks. Her eyes bearing into his as she spoke to him. ‘‘You can always talk to me about this stuff; if you’re upset you can tell me about it.’‘ Marlene offered him a sad smile, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.
Marlene caught the look on his face and her heart began to race; but she didn’t even have time to react before his lips crashed into hers. Her breath hitched in her throat as the air escaped from her lungs; totally winded by him. It took a minute for her to react; kissing him back after a moment. Her hands moving from his cheeks to tangle in his hair again. Her mind took even longer to catch up with her actions. It suddenly hitting her that she was kissing Sirius Black and they were both emotional and vulnerable and it was probably a terrible idea. But she found herself not really caring.. her lips moving against his until the need for air was almost unbearable. Marlene pulled back with a gasp; her breathing deep as she tried to get her breath back. ‘’What are we doing?’’ Marlene let out breathily as she pressed her nose against his, their foreheads touching.
how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
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“Yeah, yeah,” Sirius allowed, shoving her shoulder playfully with his own. “Take it how you want, it’s not something we’ll have to worry about since we’re gonna find a way to get you some rest so you won’t fall off your broom with exhaustion, huh?” he offered. He didn’t know what he could possibly do to help, but if they put their heads together they could probably think of something. Besides, if it even had the possibility of affecting her skill on the pitch James would have the whole of Gryffindor House coming up with solutions to get Marlene a good night sleep. But for now? “We’re in this together, okay? We’ll figure it out.”
Sirius let out an offended sound at her comment. “Annoying? Please. More like irresistible.” he corrected, running a hand through his hair in that way that he did when he saw girls watching him and wanted to egg them on. He felt a low swooping in his stomach at her next words, though, and met her eyes briefly. “I didn’t think you’d want me to follow through.” he admitted, more honest than playful like he was aiming for, so he continued, “Dunno if you could handle my follow through.”
He felt his calm control fleeting with every moment as her fingers raked slowly over his arm. She wasn’t even touching skin, for chrissake. He didn’t know where to look, her lips, her hand in her hair, her goddamn eyes in the stupid fucking firelight- for the shortest second he wondered if she really did want him to follow through. He wondered if he did.
He missed what she said in that infinite second, and blinked to himself again when she threw her head back in laughter. Something like relief flooded his stomach and he laughed too, shaking his head at her. “Difference is, you put all that effort in. I just came down without a shirt- effortless. You aren’t a master yet.” Despite the comment he tugged his cardigan closed again, taking another drag of his forgotten cig.
“Yeah,” Sirius mumbled, “Been there. Nobody knows how to fuck you up better than you do.” Oh, had he been there. He was there every night, as he wandered the halls of 12 Grimmauld Place in his sleep. In the early mornings, when James talked him down from long nights left alone with his thoughts. After seeing the Slytherins in the hallways, hearing their whispers about him that were far too close to the truth for comfort. His skin itched just thinking about it.
He let out a dry chuckle, though. “Shut it, McKinnon. It’s not like I mislead girls or anything. They know they’re not getting romance- not from me.” It wasn’t that he wasn’t the romance type. He actually really was. It was practically impossible not to be at least a little romantic when you listened to James Potter moon over Lily Evans for years. But Sirius… he didn’t care about it for himself. It wasn’t what he was looking for, especially not right before curfew when he was looking to exhaust himself with sex instead of- what, even? Someone to date? To love? He had that, already, in his friends. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure if he could love anyone else. He didn’t even know what was.
He nodded seriously at her admittance. “You should. Poppy’s got stuff for everything, and she’s damn understanding. With all the shit going on right now, I’m sure you’re not the only one not sleeping.” He felt bad that he couldn’t help more, but anything Poppy could do would surely be far more effective than whatever scheme for a temporary fix Sirius could come up with.
He relished her touch more than he thought he would. It wasn’t that he was touch-starved. He and James were far too tactile people for that, touching each other constantly. But Marlene’s touch was different than James’. Her hands softer, gentler. Her shoulder smaller, but still comforting. “That’s just it. I don’t care what they think, not really. But Regulus does. He already thought low enough of me from the shit they say, now he really has basis to believe them.” He heard how his voice got raspier with each word as his throat burned with suppressed emotion. He didn’t want to do this, not now. It was late, and Marlene had her own shit to worry about. She didn’t need the Black Family Tragedy on her hands, too.
And yet, he let out a wet chuckle, and kept fucking talking. “I wrote him a letter when I left.” another chuckle, more manic this time, “Well, no. I wrote that I was sorry- it was all I had time for, she was-” another cut off laugh, “but I didn’t want to leave him without anything at all. I tried to talk to him after the welcome back feast, but-” he sniffed a bit, a sad attempt at reigning in the tears that he’d lost his grip on. “Clearly my shitty goodbye letter wasn’t good enough for him. Can’t say I blame him, really.”
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Sirius groaned, rubbing at his eyes furiously. “I didn’t mean to- I, fuck.” He hated himself like this, so out of control he couldn’t even get his thoughts straight. “I appreciate it.” he said seriously, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “That’s up to you. I’m not sure what sort of drunk I’ll be tonight, but if you want to subject yourself to it then be my guest.” He thought about sitting up, stretching, composing himself. But he didn’t want to move out of her space, not until she did.
‘‘Copious amounts of coffee have been known to work for that particular ailment.’‘ Marlene teased a little; before her face softened. ‘‘But thank you; I really do appreciate it. But I’m honestly not that bad; I sometimes manage to have a nap before practice.’’ Marlene said honestly; offering Sirius a sleepy smile. Her own body betraying herself by admitting how exhausted it was with all the lack of sleep she was experiencing.
‘‘Nope I stick by my first answer; annoying is definitely right.’‘ She teased him; a playful smile evident on Marlene’s lips as she listened to him talk. ‘‘See now thats an awfully big assumption you’re making about me there Black.’‘ Marlene winked at him. Marlene always said she would never let herself be as stupid as to be seduced by Sirius Black. But sometimes she found herself wondering if she really did want him to follow through with his flirtatious banter. ‘‘I couldn’t handle it? And what the devil is that meant to mean?’‘ Marlene said her eyebrows raised in his direction. ‘‘I could definitely handle it; you’d be more worried about my follow through, you wouldn’t be able to handle my moves.’‘
Her eyes couldn’t help but look at the exposed skin of his chest; where the cardigan was left open. The lean muscles that were sitting there on show, almost begging her fingers to reach out and trace the lines of his abdomen. Marlene hated that she could betray herself like this; that he had to have come down without a damn shirt.
‘‘Would you prefer it if I took my shirt off?’‘ Marlene batted her eyelashes at him innocently as her hands went to the hem of her shirt, pulling is slowly up her abdomen. Stopping just under where her bra was and letting out a small snort as she laughed. ‘‘I think I’m pretty darn good?’‘ She shrugged; her face almost falling into a pout as he pulled the cardigan closed again.
‘‘That’s very true; you’re Sirius Black- does what it days on the tin. No nonsense sex and good times.’‘ Marlene shrugged her shoulders once more. She could get it; it was easier that way. Nobody got close enough to see the cracks in her perfect facade that way. Nobody got any ideas about saving her from the self destructive path that she was on. It was easier to just have sex and it not mean anything; than sleeping with someone who seemed to think they could save you.
‘‘Don’t worry; I’ll keep it in mind. I’ll go see her tomorrow. I promise.’‘ Marlene said softly. Before stopping to listen to him speak about his own troubles.
Marlene hadn’t expected this; she hadn’t expected him to cry. She’d never seen him cry before and she’d seen Sirius through alot of strong emotions. But this was one that she knew wasn’t normally reserved for her consumption. ‘’If he believes that bullshit; then you’re worth more than that. And the only way you can deal with it; it telling him your truth of it all and letting him form his own opinions on it.’’ Marlene said softly. ‘’I know he’s your brother, but if he chooses not to trust in you. then that’s on him.’’
As he continued to speak; Marlene moved again. So she was almost solidly sitting in his lap. She wrapped her arms tightly around him. Letting him let out all the sadness that was piling up inside of him. Doing what she liked done when she was upset; to be made to feel safe. So she did it the only way she knew how; by giving him a cuddle. Wrapping herself around him; like a koala and squeezing him tightly. ‘’Don’t put yourself down; you did what was right, and more importantly what was in your best interests. Regulus’ decisions aren’t your fault. There isn’t anything else you could have done. You did everything you could in a really really shitty situation.’’
‘‘Don’t you dare apologise to me right now Sirius Black..’‘ Marlene said in a stern voice; moving back to look him in the eyes. Moving her arms from around him, to cup his face with her hands. Forcing him to make eye contact with him. ‘‘You don’t ever need an explanation or an apology for being upset about the really horrifically shitty set of cards you’ve been dealt in life. Never.’‘ Marlene said again; staring him down as her thumbs wiped left over tears from his cheeks.
‘‘I don’t think either of us are in any fit state to drink. One of us will end up doing something stupid and reckless..’‘ Marlene said softly, her eyes still studying his face. Searching his features for any hint at what he was thinking. ‘‘What do you need Sirius? It breaks my heart seeing you upset..’‘
Me & You Together Song // The 1975
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how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
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Sirius scoffed, turning his head away dramatically. “Maybe I just don’t want to have to deal with whoever would take your place,” he told her, grinning. “Worked hard enough to find a balance with you, eh?” That was a complete lie, of course. Sirius had been a fair chaser before he and Marlene had played together, especially flanking James. Adding Marlene to the mix, though, they were the perfect trifecta, the (un)holy trinity. Sirius didn’t have to look to know where either of them were on the pitch, he could sense them, anticipate their moves. He couldn’t imagine playing alongside anyone else, and certainly didn’t want to have to.
He let out a laugh at her wanting to be paid in coffee, but a sly smile settled on his lips when she told him how she liked it. “Strong and Black, huh?” He wiggled his eyebrows to further his joke, “That’s something I can deliver on.” He nudged her elbow with his playfully. It was another thing he loved about their friendship- more often than not he couldn’t joke with girls like this. They’d get too shy or flustered or think he’d gone too far. Marlene knew, or at least he thought she did since she had yet to smack him, that innuendos and dirty comments flew out of his mouth before his brain could even process them. That he thought they were hilarious, but wasn’t truly a pig like most labeled him. His jokes never crossed any moral lines, they just traipsed over people’s comfort lines sometimes, but he always apologized when they did and took note of it, so he wasn’t all bad.
“Me, flustered?” Sirius asked, puffing out an indignant breath. Then of course, in a very McKinnon fashion she proved her point as his eyes narrowed in on her mouth as she bit her lip. He rolled his eyes, huffing out a laugh and pointedly looking at her eyes instead- not much better when she was looking at him like that. “I don’t know if flustered is quite the feeling that springs up, Marls.” He smirked, looking away from her.
In a very hypocritical fashion, he didn’t like that pessimistic train of thought, not from her. He let her be, though, knowing he really couldn’t say anything to the contrary. In reality, he and the Marauders had this argument constantly when Sirius had picked up the habit back in second year. They’d come to the conclusion that despite cigarettes being harmful to Muggles, by the time they’d smoked long enough for it to kill them the wizarding healers would surely have come up with a potion or something to cure it. So Sirius let her take one and watched her light it, not expecting the motion to be as alluring as it was. He found himself having to look away from her again.
Sirius reached his hadn’t forward and cupped one of Marlene’s cheeks gently. “Our minds really work against us sometimes, huh?” He stroked her cheek lightly, giving her a small smile. “It’s why I’m out here. Sometimes I even go down to the pitch, or if it’s early enough find a girl and…” he trailed off, knowing she’d get the gist. “I’ve found it’s easier not to dream when I’m worn out, is the point I was getting at.” He finished, chuckling a little in spite of himself. He hated the feel of his ears flushing. He could talk about these things with Marlene as much as he could with the boys, sometimes even moreso- she didn’t have the jealousy that Peter sometimes had about the topic, nor the judgmental face that Remus tried so hard not to give him.
Marlene settled into his side and the urge to isolate himself from her warred with the comfort her touch gave him. When he was upset and dealing with these things, he craved touch more than he usually did (which was already a lot), but he also had such a thin grasp on his emotions and lashed out more often as well. So, when he was upset, more often than not he distanced himself from everyone except James, who knew exactly how to crack his walls down and reach him every time. This time, he pushed through his own walls, allowing himself to lean against Marlene as well.
“It’s like, just when I was okay again we had to come back to Hogwarts.” He continued quietly. “I love it here more than anywhere, but having to be here knowing that all the Slytherins must know my family’s side of the story by now. And seeing Reg in the halls…” he takes a shaky breath, “He won’t even look at me.” It was that, thoughts of his brother, that hurt the most out of all of this. Sirius had always known how his parents felt about him, they had never tried to hide it. But there had been a time when Regulus had loved him, and Sirius knew he always would love Regulus and want to protect him. And yet he’d left him in order to protect himself instead. Not very Gryffindor of him, he supposed.
He gave Marlene a sad smile. “Thank you,” he said softly, giving her a gentle kiss on the forehead.
“I think that’s your special way of telling me I’m irreplaceable.” Marlene smirked at him; shooting a wink in his direction. She liked to think that Sirius James and herself with an unstoppable force on the quidditch pitch. Having a strong relationship on the pitch really helped; it allowed them to work together. Marlene loved their dynamic on the pitch, and their mischief off the pitch. She couldn’t imagine playing with anyone else; nor did she want to.
“Oh really? Here was me thinking annoying an Bain was more your cup of tea?” Marlene joked; swatting his arm as he teased her. The flirty banter had to be the better part of their friendship. While she was a notorious flirt; there was something about the banter she had with Sirius. She tended to push it further than she did with anyone else. Marlene only pushed it as far as he did; knowing that if she ever pushed it too far that Sirius would be be the first one to tell her and put her back in her place. “I guess I’ll just have to take your word for it? Unless you’re planning on following through with these empty promises.”
Marlene ran her free hand through her hair as she studied his face; knowing that she was proving her point as she teased. Her fingertips lightly grazing his arm as he spoke, trying to see how far she could push it. More so wanting to win; and prove that he was as flustered at she had been. “It’s okay; I’m aware of the effect I have. Its both a blessing and a curse. It’s okay you’re only human.” Marlene raised her eyebrows at him before; throwing her head back letting out a loud laugh.
Marlene took a long drag of the cigarette; enjoying the mild burning in her chest for a brief moment. When Sirius reached out to cup one of her cheeks; she couldn’t help the lurch her heart did. She hated that she couldn’t control it; and the effect he had on her sometimes. But alas here they were and here he was trying to give her a heart attack. “My minds my worst enemy; always has been. Probably always will be” Marlene’s hand covered his for a brief moment. Before the spell was broken as he brought up taking girls down to the quidditch pitch. “And they say that romance is dead..” Marlene rolled her eyes at him. “But I get your point; I’ve tried that. Trying to numb my mind with alcohol; and trying to lose myself in other people. But the dreams keep coming. Maybe I should go see Poppy.”
Marlene gave his shoulder a soft squeeze as he started to talk; she couldn’t imagine what it would be like for him. What it would be like to be ostracised from your family, no matter how awful they were or how much you didn’t get on with them. Marlene was so close with her family; she barely went a couple of days without talking to one of her siblings or her dad. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how awful this must be for you, or what you’re going through.” Marlene’s thumb rubbed circles on his shoulder as he leaned into her. “Hold your head high; who gives a shit what the snakes think?” Marlene furrowed her eyebrows. “Have you tried talking to Regulus? Or how about writing down what you’re feeling? Writing him a letter or something like that? Maybe he doesn’t understand?” Marlene offered; looking at him softly. Her hand moving the play with the tendrils of his hair at his neck.
“You’re welcome. I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what.” Marlene smiled at him softly. “Whatever you need alright? I’ve got a bottle of fire whiskey stashed if you want me to go and get it?” Marlene pressed a soft kiss to his cheek; giving his arm another soft squeeze. ‘’Just let me know what you need.’’
Before you go - lyrics video
Is there something I could say to make your heart beat better and want me?
how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
padfeets:
Sirius nodded sagely. There were a lot of reasons not to play sick Sirius didn’t understand, like wanting to be a good student and other meaningless things like that, but if there was one thing he got it was Quidditch. “Too right you are.” He agreed. Quidditch couldn’t be sacrificed. “Midafternoon nap, definitely. I’ll even keep my noise level to a minimum after classes if it’ll help.”
He let out a laugh. “Sorry, I must’ve missed the memo I started paying friends. My friends’ve missed it too, clearly,” he said, carefully keeping his tone light. Money and friends weren’t the best topics to mix right now for him, not when he’d mooched off The Potters all summer and had only a few galleons to his name.
That line of thought cleared when Marlene spoke again and he let out a startled laugh. “I know what you mean, Marls, don’t stress. I know it’s easy to get flustered with all this on display.” He teased, winking exaggeratedly. There was nothing like an ego boost to raise his spirits. “Sounds like it’s working fine to me.”
Sirius swallowed thickly at her next words. He did indeed know how bad cigarettes were supposed to be for you- that was the entire reason he’d started, not that he’d told anyone that. Not that he ever would. It was a long time since that conversation with his father, about finally doing something right. “Everything’ll kill you,” is what he says instead. He lights his own and puts it in his mouth. “You’re sure? S’a bad habit.” He tells her, not wanting to push it on her.
He takes a deep drag of his own, and sighs out the smoke. He hates that he already feels a bit better. He gently rubs his thumb across her knee as he listens to her nightmare. He winces when tears start to roll down her cheeks, feeling a bit guilty for making her talk about it. He squeezes her knee in a way he hopes is comforting. “Hey, don’t sell your feelings short. If I had a dream like that about someone I cared about I’d be upset too.” He couldn’t say his mother, exactly, but if it were any of his friends, or Regulus or Andromeda- he didn’t even want to think about it.
“Let’s hope,” Sirius agreed. He watched, a bit transfixed as Marlene pulled herself together. She was so damn strong. He wished he was like that, strong like all his friends instead of leaning on them all the time.
He gave her a small smile when she asked about his own sleep trouble. He took another drag and waited for the smoke to burn his lungs a bit before exhaling. He only coughed a little, his lungs used to this abuse by now. Sirius trained his eyes on where their hands overlapped on Marlene’s knee, beginning to rub it with his thumb again, though this time as more of a comfort to him than her. “I always joked about running off and living with the Potters. But somehow I didn’t think I’d ever really have to.” He admitted, sinking further into the sofa.
“But when I got home this summer I just… hell, I tried, Marlene.” Sirius swallowed roughly, took another drag of his cig for composure. “Didn’t work out, though. Instead I had a lovely summer with the Potters and lost my spot on the esteemed Black family tree.” He hoped the sarcasm in his voice disguised how much what he’d been waiting his whole life for actually stung.
Marlene appreciated the worry; she really did. But there wasn’t anything that was going to force her out of a game. ‘’How considerate of you, is this because you know that you’ll get creamed without me carrying the team on my shoulders?’’ She teased playfully.
‘‘It’s a mutually beneficial situation; besides my wage mostly comes in cups of coffee. I like it strong and black; just for future reference.’‘ Marlene smiled brightly in Sirius’ direction; of course she knew that he’d spent the summer with the Potters. But she wasn’t clear on all the details and didn’t like to assume such things.
‘‘As if you’ve never been flustered in a cloudy haze of tiredness and insomnia?’‘ Marlene raised an eyebrow; moving her arm so her jumper slid off her shoulder. Looking up at him through her eyelashes; pulling her bottom lip through her teeth. Purely to tease the bugger for being so damn egotistic. ‘‘Like right now for example?’‘
‘‘You’re right there..’‘ All evidence of the lighthearted teasing gone from her voice; thinking on the reality of everything. ‘‘We’re all dying anyway; so really we’re just speeding up the inevitable.’‘ Ever the pessimist; Marlene shrugged her shoulders softly at her own comment. Taking a cigarette from the packet and lighting it between her teeth. ‘‘May as well say fuck it and enjoy it while we can.’‘
Marlene wasn’t strong; or at least she didn’t think she was. She was very good at hiding how she was really feeling and excellent at pushing all her feelings to one side to focus on someone else. ‘’It felt really real. I haven’t had dreams about her for months and suddenly they are back and won’t go away.’’ Marlene ran a hand through her hair; letting out a soft sigh. ‘’I’ve tried everything..’’
When Sirius started talking; she moved closer to him. Almost curled into a ball at his side as her hand remained on top of his; her free hand coming to rest on his shoulder. Mimicking his movements on her knee; on his shoulder. Wanting to give him some comfort when he evidently needed it.
‘‘I knew that you’d spent the summer with the Potters obviously; but I didn’t realise what happened at home.’‘ Marlene pursed her lips for a moment. ‘‘I know it doesn’t make you feel better, or take away any of the pain. But I think you’re family are to horrendously stupid to treat you the way they have.’‘ She gave his hand a soft squeeze. ‘‘Besides you’re always going to have all of us; and you can do so much better than people who treat you like that. Regardless of whether they’re blood or not.’‘
how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
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Sirius felt a little sadness in his chest at the thought of Marlene dozing off during the next day’s classes to make up for tonight’s lost sleep. “Maybe you should just skip tomorrow. Tell Minnie you’re ill.”
He rolled his eyes at her. “You’re hardly ‘just’ anyone. You know that.” he remarks, reaching forward a bit to shove her shoulder gently. “Of all the people to see me topless tonight, I am glad it’s you and not some scandalized first year.” he prods, always angling to get just one more smile out of her. He didn’t know what compelled him to do it with her more than anyone else, but he didn’t pay it much thought.
Sirius lets out a snort at Marlene’s sarcastic tone. “You’re one to talk.” he snarks back. “Speaking of,” he says, reaching into his pants pocket and pulling out his cigarettes. “You don’t mind, do you? I can go over to the window if you want.” he makes himself busy taking a cig out of the pack, then his lighter. “You can have one if you want. I’ve got plenty upstairs.” he offers, leaving the pack between them.
“Sounds awful,” Sirius sympathizes. His chest tightens again when he sees the way Marlene shivers, seemingly from the thought of her nightmare. He reaches his hand out and puts it on her knee in what he hopes is comfort. He’s never been good at comfort, he’s more of a distraction. “It might help if you talk about it. The actual dream, I mean. Sometimes it makes them go away, I’ve found.”
“If you saw James after less than his minimum, believe me, you’d go out of your way to make sure he always got it, too.” Sirius half joked. “If you want the truth, I’ve just been having trouble sleeping, is all.” he shrugs, as if it’s normal for him to be using magic to cover up the bags under his eyes each morning.
‘‘If I tell her I’m sick; theres no way she’ll let me play this weekend.’‘ Marlene shrugged her shoulders softly; she’d rather be a little tired during the day, than miss a game of quidditch.’‘I’ll drink plenty of coffee; and I might even try take a mid afternoon nap.’‘ She let out a soft chuckle. ‘‘Don’t worry; I’ll be fine.’‘
‘‘I’ve gotten a promotion in the friends department; just so you know. I’ll be demanding a pay rise.’‘ Marlene teased him; slipping easily into an easier conversation. Something that didn’t make her palms sweaty and her heart race. ‘‘Me too…’‘ She said; raising her eyebrows at her own woods. ‘‘I mean; I’m also glad that it’s just me; and now some innocent little first year who might faint at the sight of a naked torso… or you know; someone who might try jump your bones on the common room sofa… not that I’m glad it’s me; just that I’m glad it’s not someone else.. I’m going to shut up now.’‘ Marlene fumbled; her eyes widened as she spoke, her voice seeming to raise an octave as she spoke. ‘‘I’m tired okay; my brains not working. ‘‘
‘‘I never claimed not to be a hypocrite.’‘ Marlene cocked her head to the side as he pulls the pack of cigarettes from his pocket, she reaches over and pulls one out of the pack. ‘‘You know these things’ll kill you?’‘ Marlene pondered; fiddling with the white stick passing it between her fingers before sticking it between her lips. ‘‘Our fates not currently looking too fab; so what’s the harm in this.’‘ She shrugged her shoulders and leaned forward waiting for him to light the cigarette.
When Sirius’ hand comes to rest on her knee; her hand moves to cover it. Squeezing softly; providing her with soft form of comfort. It made her feel safe; for a moment she felt very grounded, the terror that had gripped her in her sleep fading away. Marlene took a deep breath before looking down at their hands; ‘’I was in a maze; it was cold and dark and there wasn’t anyway out. I just kept running and running; I could hear voices shouting my name but every time I felt I was getting closer to them they faded away and changed direction.’’ Marlene ran her free hand down her face. ‘’When I finally caught up to one of the voices; I was…’’ She bit down on her lip to stop it from quivering. ‘’It was my mum; lying on the ground. I was too late and I couldn’t save her.’’ Silent tears fell down her cheeks as she let out a shaky breath. Marlene had been having nightmares about her Mum; ever since she went missing.The same maze dream; but it kept changing; sometimes it was her siblings or her friends. It was becoming unbearable. ‘’Sorry; I know it’s just a dream. I shouldn’t be getting this upset about something that’s not real.’’
‘‘Well let’s hope that that day never occurs.’‘ Marlene set out a soft chuckle, wiping the tears away from her face. Before sitting up straighter, raising an eyebrow at Sirius. ‘‘Why’re you having bother sleeping? Has something happened?’‘
how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
padfeets:
Sirius sat down beside Marlene as she she shifted positions. “It’s around 3,” he told her solemnly. He pulled at his sweater even more at her remark, but laughed anyway. “Excuse you, I am a humble man, I’ll have you know.” his grin spread wider as he spoke.
“I didn’t exactly expect to run into anyone down here.” Sirius Black certainly had his insecurities, but his looks were never one of them. Neither was his friendship with Marlene. He’d never be as close to her as she was with the boys, but they always seemed to be there for each other in the most unexpected of times. They didn’t know each other the best, but somehow he never had to worry about being himself around her, something he was thankful for.
He matched her, turning towards her and crossing his legs in front of him. “I was coming down to do the same thing, and I’m peachy.” he told her, shrugging. It wasn’t entirely true, but he wasn’t not okay, either.
He frowned at her when she told him about her nightmare. Oh, how painfully alike they could be at times. “That sucks.” he sighed, empathetic. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I just came down for a smoke.” he explained. “Didn’t want to wake the boys. You know how they need their beauty rest.”
Marlene looked at the clock briefly; letting out a sigh as her eyes confirmed the fact Sirius had told her. ‘’Officially need to be up in four hours; seems pointless to even try sleep now.’’ Marlene rested her head against the back of the couch. ‘’Oh yes, the humblest of the compadres.’’
‘‘Thankfully; it’s just me and not just anyone?’‘ Marlene smirked at him, shaking her head softly for a minute. This was easy; slipping into this kind of chat with Sirius was as easy as falling asleep, usually. Of course; she wouldn’t class him as one of her best best friends; that was a tight circle. But he always seemed to be able to relate to her, and actually make her feel better more than most.
‘‘Peachy?’‘ She retorted; raising an eyebrow. ‘‘Sounds about right; coming down to smoke by the fire at three in the morning because you’re feeling fantastic?’‘ Marlene pointed out sarcastically; running a hand through her hair. Pushing it off of her face.
‘‘I don’t know yet; I’ve been having the same recurring one for like a week now. I should be desensitised to it by now. But the bastarding thing keeps evolving; finding new ways to freak me out.’‘ Marlene shivered for a minute; letting out a shaky breath as her mind drifted back to her nightmare.
‘‘Oh of course; can’t have them getting a minute less than their prescribed eight hours of sleep. There would be a disaster of monstrous proportions. ‘‘
how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
padfeets:
Sirius never really knew what to expect from school, nor what he wanted from it. He loved Hogwarts, more a home to him than his family’s house had ever been. Even this past summer when he moved in with the Potters, while it was the most comfortable he’d ever felt in a house, he couldn’t bring himself to consider it home. That said, Hogwarts was still a school and therein lied his problem. He had lessons that he mostly felt were useless, and was outside of Gryffindor Tower he was surrounded by people who he’d rather see behind bars than in the Great Hall. Not to mention, being cooped up doing schoolwork while there was a war right outside their door was driving him mad.
He was doing his best to make the most of his time. It was his last year at Hogwarts, after all. So he played pranks with the lads and attempted to enjoy his classes and if he stayed up a bit later at night and went through his cigarettes a bit faster than he had in the past, nobody seemed to notice.
It was late in the night when Sirius woke up, fingers itching. He didn’t have nightmares anymore- most of them had subsided over the summer the longer he’d stayed at the Potter’s. But that didn’t mean his dreams were exactly sunshine and licorice wands, either. Without thinking, he pulled a sweater round his shoulders, grabbed his smokes and headed quietly down to the common room.
Had the boys been awake he’d have just lit up in the bedroom, but he didn’t want to wake them up with the smoke. Though, when he got to the bottom of the stairs he realized he wasn’t the only one who was having trouble sleeping. If anyone else had been taking refuge on the couch, Sirius probably would have just snuck back up to the dormitory. However, the blonde hair was too familiar to him not to recognize, and he found himself instinctively approaching her instead.
“Late night, eh, McKinnon?” he asked as he stepped closer, not wanting to startle her by just plopping down beside her. “Mind if I join you? Insomnia loves company, or so I’ve heard.” he asked, pulling his sweater closed around himself. If he’d been smart enough to check the map before coming down here, he’d have put on an actual shirt or at least a sweater that would have actually stayed closed instead of having his cardigan leave his bare chest exposed. At least it was only Marlene, who had probably seen him far worse than this. “Alright, Marls?”
It took Marlene a moment to process that someone had spoken to her; eventually dragging her eyes away from the flames she could have let out a laugh at the state that Sirius was presenting himself in. The cardigan and pajama combo that really wasn’t leaving an awful lot to the imagination. Her eyes studied him closely for a minute before she released her knees from her arms and sat back against the couch; letting out a soft sigh.
‘‘You can say that; I’ve lost track of the time at this point.’‘ Marlene let out a soft chuckle as he pulled his cardigan around himself. ‘‘Well there’s no point getting all self conscious now. I’ve already witnessed this is real life 3d surround sound.’‘ She teased him, shooting a wink in his direction. it was an odd sort of friendship they had; they weren’t best friends or anything. But they had this mutual understanding of each other. Out of everyone who could have found her sitting there in the common room; she was glad that it was Sirius that had been the one to find her.
Marlene ran a hand through her hair as she turned on the couch so that she was facing him. ‘’Would I be sitting in front of the fire in the middle of the night if I was okay?’’ She rolled her eyes at him; before letting out a long sigh. She wasn’t good at this sort of thing anymore; opening up to someone and actually telling them what was wrong with her. It was much easier for her to laugh and joke and play it off , than letting someone close enough to see the version of herself that hid behind her carefully constructed mask.
‘‘Just a nightmare; couldn’t get back to sleep. So thought this might help me get back to sleep. I guess I was wrong.’‘ She shrugged her shoulders softly. ‘‘How about you? What brings you into the public domain this late at night?’‘
how do you sleep? || marlene & sirius
@padfeets
Sixth year had not been kind to Marlene and she was more than happy to put it behind her. Firstly she’d had her heart broken into a thousand tiny little pieces by the boy who she thought she loved and then her Mother had gone missing, while on a routine mission from the ministry; only to be found a few weeks later, dead. It very nearly broke her, there was a point where she didn’t see any point in piecing her life back together. If it hadn’t been for her friends; she would most likely still be hiding under her duvet with a bottle of whisky. However; it was a fresh year and Marlene really wanted to try and move forward with her life; think towards the future or whatever it was her dad kept telling her she should do. As hard as she tried; plastering on fake smiles and hiding behind all the walls she’d managed to build around herself. It was always the night when everything creeped back; all the feelings of pain and worthlessness.
This was the fifth night in a row that Marlene had had the same nightmare; waking up shivering and drenched in her own sweat gasping for air. Tonight however; no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get back to sleep. Tossing and turning for hours before she eventually admitted defeat and padded down to the common room. Wrapping herself in a blanket she sat peacefully by the fire watching the flame. Perfectly content with her little moment of tranquil silence.
She was so absorbed in the flames in front of her; that she didn’t even hear the footsteps that were approaching her in the common room.
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