You drew stars around my scars
Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
Summary: what they say about the North Star is real, you and Joel realise that as your roads have crossed again, for good.
Warnings: +18 smut, MDNI, age gap, no outbreak, Joel Miller!dbf, Joel is 56 (s1 Joel), reader is in her early 30s, flashbacks to when reader was younger; teasing, soft!joel, thigh riding, spanking, fingering (f!receiving), use of pet names (kiddo, sweetheart, darling, angel, babygirl, good girl, honey), use of “daddy”
Word count: 3.7k
Notes: imagined this as a second part of “Don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby”, although it can be read as a standalone too. Thinking of making it a series, just adding new bits to it every now and then. Brought to you and sponsored by daddy issues as usual, don’t @ me - lyrics in the title are from “cardigan” by Taylor Swift
Dividers credits: @anitalenia , @cafekitsune
|| JOEL MILLER FICS || MASTERLIST ||
Joel is still half asleep when he notices it, the silver North Star charm catching his eye as you stretch your limbs next to him, an arm slouching over his waist.
You leave a kiss on his shirt, having the same perfume of the one you’re still wearing.
His fingers caress your hair, until they reach the collar of the shirt, gently opening it a little, just the amount to confirm that it’s that necklace.
“You still have it...” He whispers, just a thought said out loud.
You enjoy his touch over your neck, the way his thumb is brushing behind it, toying with the necklace.
“Of course, Joel, of course,” keeping you up with your arms on his chest, Joel smiling in that way that feels like home, it always felt like that.
“I always knew that it would have led me back home, that’s what the North Star does.”
And it’s easy to let the memories have the best of you, to let them take you to that moment in the past.
To that birthday.
“My dad forgot my birthday.” You had flopped on his couch, huffing.
“I’m sorry, kiddo.” Joel had said, rubbing a bit your shoulder.
“I’m gonna prepare you somethin’ for dinner... or do ya have any plans?”
You had plans, but you cancelled them, not wanting to see anyone.
But Joel is not “anyone”.
“Nah, I didn’t want to go out, so I’m good here if it’s not a problem.”
“‘S not,” he had softly smiled, disappearing in the hallway, and you heard the noises of pans, the fridge being opened and closed, packages being ripped.
Then some steps, but in another direction, until they faded more.
You were looking lazily at the tv, switching through the channels actually, when Joel appeared again in the living room, hands behind his back.
You had raised your eyebrow at him, “What?”
And Joel didn’t mind the sort of aggressive and annoyed tone, he knew that the anger was not aimed at him.
He was a pawn in that moment, and he would have let you get your disappointment and anger against him if you needed it.
“Well, ‘s nothin’ but…”
He revealed the bag in his hand, ruffles of paper gift coming out from it.
“No way, Joel, no way you got me a gift.” You dropped the remoter somewhere on the couch.
He ducked his head, “What? Just because you’re not a kid anymore doesn’t mean you can’t get any gifts.”
A tear formed at the corner of your eye, wiping it quickly, but Joel had already seen that.
His heart broke a little because it shouldn’t have been up to him to mend your broken heart, it shouldn’t have been him to put some stitches on it and hope that they stayed on.
But he was standing there anyway, with the silly bag dangling in his hands, “Come on, it’s yours.”
And you had jumped from the couch, Joel giving you the bag; the ruffle had ended up on the floor, finding then a box inside the bag.
You had furrowed your eyebrows as you took it, the bag meeting the same fate as the paper.
The box was in deep blue velvet, not too heavy, not too big, and you weighted it in your hands.
A... ring?
For some sick reason that thought glanced your mind, realising immediately how stupid it was of you to imagine such things. Not that you wanted to marry that man in front of you, that man that now that you were in your twenties was starting to make you feel different.
You absolutely knew that Joel still saw a kid when looking at you, nothing more, the kid of his friend, a person to protect and how you wished he could protect you every single day.
Joel had watched you carefully as you opened the box, and there it was, a shiny star charm, with shiny transparent stones embedded on it.
“‘S a North Star and-“
He couldn’t finish the words because you had just slammed onto him, hugging him tight, the box in your hand.
“I love it, thank you so much, Joel, thank you.” A series of thank you had fallen from your lips, Joel almost timidly wrapping his arms around you.
And there it was, the feeling of being safe, of being exactly where you needed to be.
He had rubbed your back a little, “‘s alright, ‘s nothin’”.
But it wasn’t nothing, and when you unwrapped from him, you had tears at the corners of your eyes, now not fighting them. They rolled on your cheeks, as you looked down once more at the charm. The North Star, or Polaris, the one that travellers look at when in need of guidance, the star that will always bring people home safely, that’s what Joel had gifted you. A star that will have showed you the safe road back home, and you knew already back then that your only safe harbour was him.
Your heart ached with something you couldn’t name at the time, bones tingling with a feeling so strange, a warmth wrapping around your heart.
You had wiped some tears, “It’s so beautiful, Joel,” you had managed to say, before he could gently pull you close to him again, on his side, slouching onto him and hiding on him; his arm had wrapped around your shoulders, “I already have a necklace for this,” you had whispered on his t-shirt, Joel looking down at you.
And a couple of moments later you had taken out from under your shirt a silver necklace. Joel had watched you taking it off, and then slouching the new charm onto it; his fingers had helped you to close the necklace again, barely touching your neck.
It landed onto your chest, the little stones catching the light and you couldn’t stop smiling, touching it with your fingers as you looked up at him.
Joel had let you calm down, wash your face with cold water and only then he had led you to the kitchen, and that’s where he had served you a full dinner with all your favourite food.
“Let’s go get some cake.”
He had said while he was putting the last plate back on the shelf, you sitting in the living room and switching between channels.
“What?” You had said, lowering the tv.
Joel had come to the living room, drying his hands and actually turning off the tv.
“It’s your birthday, you can’t celebrate without a cake.” He had made a dramatic voice, making you giggle and that’s all he wanted.
The ride in his car was calm, watching him driving had always calmed you down, and so every bit of anger was flowing away from you as you were confined in that little space with him.
He had driven until the best place he knew in town, having you waiting in the car and then coming back with a big box.
“You had already ordered it, didn’t you?” You had asked him as he handed you the box.
“Well...”
He had indeed, he didn’t know if he was actually seeing you that day but he would have still gotten the cake, just in case.
“So you’re sure you don’t have to be anywhere else?” Joel had made sure to ask you while he was approaching his house, stopping by the sidewalk and turning off the engine.
“One hundred per cent.”
And Joel had chosen to believe it, he had let you home with him again and then you had eaten the chocolate cake while sitting on the floor of the living room; the tv was buzzing in the background, settled on MTV, but you had eyes and ears only for him.
You felt like... like a kid, being able to be carefree, the only worry on your mind being if you could have taken another slice of cake.
“Thank you again for this.” You had said, and Joel had waved his hand.
“Just doin’ what I think is right, nothing else, kiddo.” Joel had admitted, placing the fork onto the plate.
“And what is the right thing?”
Joel had pondered on it for a moment, then looking at you, “Just makin’ you happy, givin’ you the birthday that you deserved.”
You had slouched on his shoulder, wrapping your arm around his, fingers gripping a little his bicep, brushing your face on him as the blue light of the tv panned on you.
“It’s easy with you.” You had uttered, after another song passed on the tv.
“What’s easy?” Joel had settled both your plates aside on the coffee table, still seated on the floor, you all snuggled on him.
“Being happy, Joel. You make it all so easy.” You had rubbed your face on his arm, Joel softly smiling and passing his hand over your hair, taking it away from your face.
“I wish I could just stay here forever, and be happy with you only.”
Joel had taken a sharp breath, “You can already come here whenever you want to.”
“It’s not the same.” You had pouted, Joel half shrugging, because you just looked a lot tired and you probably didn’t mean all of that.
“Listen,” he had said, “One day you will find a person that is gonna feel like this. It’s gonna feel like happiness all the time with them, I promise.”
And at the time you had just nodded, a little corner of your mind knowing something though.
Something that you didn’t know how to name, you didn’t want to admit because it was too big of a thing.
You wished that person was him.
Later Joel had watched you falling asleep onto his lap while a replay of Notting Hill was on the tv, his look soft on you. And he really didn’t want to wake you up, so he had carried you to the guest room, landing you gently onto the bed and throwing the bedsheets over you.
His hand had brushed over your hair, thumb over your forehead, “Sleep tight, kiddo.”
That is still the same charm, it stays on your chest still nowadays, Joel seeing it peeking from the half opened shirt that you’re wearing, the stones cathing the sunlight, blinding him like you do with your happiness.
“See? I still love it.” You take it with your fingers, looking at it dangling, Joel diverting his look a bit because the shirt has moved and it’s revealing more of your skin.
“Oh come on, Joel, don’t do that.” You settle more comfortably on him, arching a little your back and Joel shouldn’t be feeling the warmth within himself, he really shouldn’t.
You lean onto him, taking his chin, “You already forgot what happened last night?”
Joel breathes deeply, how could he? He still feels your taste dripping on his lips.
“Nah, sweetheart.”
“Then come here.” You kiss him, the necklace now falling onto his chest, the shirt leaving your cleavage uncovered.
You place chaste kisses all over his jaw, your fingers in his hair.
And Joel can’t remember the last time he’s felt like this.
Helpless.
He’s a pawn in your hands, that right now are aiming for his, holding them and bringing them over his own shirt that you're wearing.
“You should open it.” Whispers being left on his lips, making fade the voices in his head telling him not to.
His hand goes all over the front of your neck, kissing the same path, hands over your hips but claiming the shape of your ass.
“You forgot your good manners instead,” hands squeezing your ass, and you can’t help but riding his thigh, “What do we say?”
You have the correct answer on the tip of your tongue, please.
But you won’t stay that.
Your man can take a little more than that, and you will keep his blood pumping.
You prop your ass, so that his hands are brushing on it, savouring what he could do.
Hoping that he will give you what you want.
“Dunno, I always get what I want, I don’t have to say please.”
Joel smiles all amused, “I bet ya do, darlin', with that pretty face of yours.”
You slide a little more on him, calloused hands on your half covered ass, that shirt of his draping over you.
But you roll it higher, so that he can palm your uncovered skin.
“That shirt will stay closed unless you say the magic word.”
Your eyelashes flutter, smirking, you won’t be giving in.
“Too bad I don’t know what that is, you really shall help me, daddy.”
He involuntarily moves against you at that word, hating and loving the power you have over him.
“Is that it, angel? Looks like I will have to teach ya that.” His tone has dropped, voice becoming deeper, and that alone is such a turn on, it goes through every fibre of your body, it makes every nerve tingle with trepidation and the hint of pleasure already nesting in you.
“Yeah,” you let out, “I wonder how you’re gonna do that.”
And Joel has never done anything like this, he thinks, when his half cupped hand hits your soft ass, the stark slap making you hiss.
“Does it look like a good lesson?” He asks, massaging your cheek, your face buried onto his neck, onto his shoulder, everywhere where you won’t be seeing anything.
You just want to feel.
“Yes, yes,” still the word please won’t leave your mouth.
Another one lands, his other hand going up and down over your back, he guesses that he can still give you some delicacy while gracing your ass with a not so delicate treatment.
“How many do ya think you deserve?” He asks, kissing your hair and tugging a bit his own shirt, so that you can look up at him.
Your eyes glimmer with lust, and Joel imagines that you haven’t thought of a number, you just want it.
“You make the rules,” you exhale, kissing him softly over his lips, before going back to hide on his shoulder.
“Alright, babygirl,”. Making you arch your back, before another one hits you, followed closely by another one.
It’s four so far, Joel makes sure to count them mentally, not knowing though how many you want, how many you could take.
But for the way you slid over his thigh, he can tell that you’re enjoying it a lot.
Five.
Your hands curl on his shoulders, grunting through your gritted teeth.
“Too much, angel?” And his voice full of concern almost makes you giggle.
“It’s perfect.” You utter lavishly on his neck, feeling his jugular pumping quickly.
He kisses your cheek, nose bumping onto you, before the sixth hit lands on your skin.
And Joel feels you riding and grinding over his thigh, hell he can even notice your panties not being so dry.
“Oh you’re enjoyin’ this,” he takes your chin, letting you look at him, eyes lucid in pleasure.
You can’t help but biting your bottom lip as you slouch on his thigh, using him.
“You think so, daddy?”
Seven, hitting your skin with that sweet sound, followed by your light giggle.
He caresses the curve of your ass, “That what you like? That your partner does this?” He regrets it the moment his words leave his mouth, but well...
“I like it when you do it, you’re the first one.” You whisper to him, like it is a secret meant not to be said out loud.
His chest rises and falls rapidly, “Oh I’m doing the honours then.”
You nod, riding on his thigh, until you almost reach his knee, you ass all propped up for him.
“Gonna reach ten, just three missin’, what do ya say?” His fingers toying with the hems of your panties, as you wish he could take them off.
You leave a kiss on his neck, purring at that idea, “I say it looks perfect.”
His flat hand hits your skin again, holding onto him, onto the tissue of his shirt, clutching it with your fingers.
He massages you, the heated skin under his touch, daring to let his fingers onto the centre of your panties, feeling the wet spot through the cotton.
“You gonna come with this?” Breathing close to your ear, rubbing over his thigh one more time.
“I could, yeah,” you let out, “But I wouldn’t mind if you did something else too.”
He bites his lip as he’s moving the panties to the side, finally feeling your wet folds under his digits, “You mean this, babygirl?”
It’s hard to think right now though, he might have already done that last night but it’s still such a dream to feel his touch on you.
You manage to let out a feeble “yes”, that is not enough for him.
“Yes what, angel?”
Nine, the strength of the hit making slouch more on his thigh.
“Still can’t say the magic word?” And he never thought he would have enjoyed this, but his body is thinking differently.
Ten, the final one, making you moan and knowing you’re making a mess of his sweatpants.
“Please, daddy.” Your voice still sounding like a moan, and Joel soothes your skin with his soft touch.
“Oh that’s a good girl now,” he coos, letting you raise your head from his chest, kissing you briefly and letting you hold your breath for a second, letting your heartbeat slow down after the rush of adrenaline that the pain ignited.
He’s made sure to be as light as possible, definitely not wanting to hurt you.
Joel kisses your cheek, hand sprawled over your chest, over that shirt that you wanted him to open so much and now you’ve even forgotten about that, all you want is just his fingers.
“Everything alright?” He asks, not caring that he’s gonna sound too apprehensive with that question.
“More than alright, Joel.” You smile, and that’s it takes to finally feel his two fingers dipping in you, closing your eyes to savour it all.
You clutch your hands on his shoulders, arching more your back and your necklace dangles from your neck, staying between you two.
You search for his lips, kissing him desperately as you feel the orgasm building up, Joel stretching you more and starting to properly thrust his fingers in your wetness.
The sound is godly, together with your muffled moans over his lips, his name falling from them again and again.
You grind on him until the rush of adrenaline is back, pleasure flowing through your veins, intoxicating and healing at the same time.
You collapse over him, hugging his shoulders as you try to regain your breath.
“Oh you did so good, babygirl, so good.” He praises, putting back your panties as they were before and hugging you too, your rib cages attached, just like your heartbeats.
He delivers so many more kisses on your cheek, your neck, your head, it’s like he could never have enough of that, of covering you in that affection you crave so much.
It’s only when you’ve come down from the orgasm that you face him, fingers tangling in his peppered hair, letting a comfortable silence stretch between you.
You hold his look as you let your hand trace his shirt, until reaching his sweatpants, before he takes gently your wrist.
“Hands off, darlin’, I really have to go to work.” He forces himself to say, having glanced at the watch on the nightstand and knowing that he’s already late, definitely lost track of the time.
He would do it other hundreds of times if it meant to spend his time like this.
“Joel,” you whine, having already imagined to properly see him.
“Next time, honey, next time.” He reassures you as he’s moving you from his thighs and letting you lay on your tummy, a promise that tastes like future.
Joel moves the bedsheets until he can kiss the small of your back, leaving soft pecks on your ass too, brushing his hand there, the sound of the spanks still echoing in the room.
You giggle at his kisses, feeling his smile on your skin, right before he reluctantly leaves the bed, covering you again with the bedsheets.
He takes a pair of jeans from the wardrobe, considering changing right there in the bedroom but then switching idea, thinking it would be way too tempting for you.
When he comes back he takes a glance at you, still in bed and looking absolutely blessed.
“While I’m away you can go to your father’s home, take your stuff and bring it here, at least until when you decide to stay here in town.” He says all in one breath, adjusting the watch on the wrist.
“I don’t want to go back there, I don’t want to see him right now... you should go there.” You complain, rolling inside the bedsheets, folding them all around you like a cloud.
“Well, I don’t want to see him either, don’t ya think?” But he’s already lost the battle the moment he sees you pouting; he stops in his tracks, stopping from any rambling and he exhales loudly.
“Alright, how I could I ever say no to you,” to which you giggle, peeking from the bedsheets.
He takes your keys from the nightstand, taking also the opportunity to kiss your forehead, his thumb indulging over your forehead right after.
“What are you thinking about?” You wonder, his dreamy look on you.
“Nothin’, just how gorgeous you are,” and he smiles in that soft way that he has, that adoring sparkle in his eyes.
You kiss the inside of his wrist, the blood rushing under your touch, not needing any other words, his look says it all and you’re sure that yours does the same.
Joel finally steps away from the bed, and he’s about to cross the door to the hallway when he turns at you, almost about to say to make yourself at home while he’s gonna be away, but you’ve already been doing that for your whole life.
He ducks a bit his head, then looking at you again, “Don’t steal all my shirts while I’m away,” a giggle already leaving his lips.
“Oh I cannot promise you that, Joel,” you tease, rolling on your tummy, Joel shaking his head and melting at the way you’re looking at him.
And it hits him when he’s leaving the house, the realisation that he might have always been your safe place, but that his own place always missed something.
And he guesses that the North Star did its job with him too.
