Hey! I love your blog! I just had a question for you
I really want to dress up for the ren fair coming up this October, but I'm so self conscious/scared to be made fun of or looked at for my weight. Do you have any tips to help with self consciousness?
It can take a long time to truly stop being self-conscious, especially after years of fatphobic trauma. Even I despite having multiple fat positive blogs and finding fat liberation back in 2019 still struggle with self-consciousness. But there are a few tips I can give.
I say this all the time, but spite. When you start to feel scared, worried, uncomfortable, not confident, tell yourself that you still deciding to wear what you want is a "fuck you" to all of the fatphobic people who want you to be miserable. Think about how wearing what you want is an act of rebellion. Every time you wear what you want to wear instead of what fatphobes demand you wear, that's another stab at the heart of this fatphobic society.
Similar to the first tip, self talk. Try to tell yourself helpful phrases. Stuff like "I deserve to wear what I want," "This festival is only once a year, so I should enjoy it as much as I can," "Other people are allowed to dress how they want, so I can too," "I look amazing in this outfit," "People who judge me for wearing this outfit are not people whose opinions I value," "Someone judging me says more about them than it says about myself." Even when you can't manage to believe any of those words, still try to say those types of phrases. When you say this stuff enough, you will likely start to believe it. And even when you don't, it helps with the whole "fake it 'till you make it." I was doing something I was afraid of because of my OCD yesterday, and what helped give me the courage to still face my fear was repeating "[My name] is strong. [My name] is brave." Even when it was hard to believe, it gave me the motivation I needed to still try despite my fear.
Whenever you doubt yourself, remember that every time you go against fatphobia, you make that easier to do for someone else. A fat stranger who sees you dress up for the festival might finally dress up next year too because they saw you and felt less scared to try as well. When you eat in public without shame, wear what you want, go dancing, play sports despite the stares, etc., you show the world and specifically other fat people that this is okay and normal. This is super helpful for fat children too because you might be the first time a fat child is able to see someone who looks like themself wear a beautiful gown or be represented in the festival at all. You show fat children that their bodies are okay, that they are allowed to enjoy life too. You pave the path for all of the fat people after you. There originally was no path at all, then the first fat people who had had enough of fatphobia began trampling the Earth until there was a dirt path paved by many years of walking that same way. Then the next fat people after them began laying down cracked and jagged stones. The next fat people smoothed the stones and planted flowers along the path. You can be the next fat person to improve this path for the people who walk this path after you, following your footsteps.
It might also be easier to dress up for the festival if you have a friend with you who's dressing up too, especially a fellow fat friend.
If you're making the costume yourself, doing so can help you feel less self-conscious because the pride you'd feel by showing off your hard work would melt some of your anxiousness.
I hope these tips help you. I'd love to see photos of the outfit you decide to wear! And if you decide you can't wear a costume this year, there are always more opportunities in the future for you to wear what you want!
