meet me at dusk

breakup blogs

[marsielles]

No one is special and it's all bullshit :) kinda mood

[marsielles]

Botanical gardens on an overcast fall day

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[dystopianscty]

[maureen2musings]

@emilie.hofferber

[spectral-shots]

some grainy, gloomy goodness

[trovadora-de-versos]

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[neverlvnd]

X

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[ur-daily-inspiration]

[marsielles]

There's a rush and sense of accomplishment to be gained from submerging oneself in freezing water. I notice my fragility, my smallness, and impermanence as waves crash into my cold body, almost knocking me over.

The warmth and the crispness of the October air makes it tolerable, enjoyable, exciting, and new. I check off a box like joy can be planned and measured instead of the spontaneous and fleeting emotion it is.

The way Nova Scotia is gorgeous in all the seasons, each one feeling more special than the last. Do these sunsets get old if you've seen them forever? I eat watermelon slices and spit out the seeds. I tan like it's still summer.

I have thanksgiving dinner with my lover's family, and he puts too much meaning on my saying yes. But we met in the summer and to him we must move forward and follow a natural progression of human relationships. To me, it's just from lovers to lovers and I recognize the impermanence in us.

[573p5]

[magic-of-eternity]

[marsielles]

Summer was so very short and so very sweet. I really loved purple more than any other colour and looked for it in every dusk. I self soothed, I created goals and in some cases I met them. I read my first classic. At times, I became a hateful creature, and in others, a better friend, a lover, and a forgiving sister.

I grieved when summer ended, but now I'm ready to embrace Autumn. I have no choice in the matter anyway. I watched the full moon rise through my skylight and stayed sane and boring. I tell people about my strange and uncomfortable dreams and lay bare the most vulnerable aspects of psyche yet I hide and surpress my waking thoughts.

I absent-mindedly scratch myself. A stress rash used to be something I developed under extenuating circumstances and cleared over time. Now, it lives on my left knuckles and my right wrist, flaring, healing, and flaring again. As do my organs feel flared and my heart and womb in endless cycles. Am I not smart enough to feel beyond the short term? To know what can pass and how much things can change.

Yet I know some feelings are pushed down but not gone. And some rashes just hide under the surface, waiting for a trigger. And all summers must end.

[marsielles]

[ai-dream]

Vaporwinter.

[marsielles]

I continue to grapple with not knowing what love is. Is it something I can choose or something that happens regardless of how you feel about it. Is it both? Is love just a feeling that you choose to let happen? That you choose to marinate in to let it overcome you? Can it be inevitable for some and completely avoidable for others? Is it something you find when you look for it or does it sneak up and surprise you? Is it a fork in the road? Is it different between lovers, friends, and family members? Does it end? Can it be rewritten - I thought I loved them but I didn't truly. Is it always true or not true? How can I choose the right love and will I know when it's right? When will I know? How well must you know someone to love them? Can love amount to facts about a person written on a piece of paper? Or is it more mystical than that, is it the words someone says and the way they deliver it, is it tied to a body, a smile, a hand, is it a meeting of souls that immediately feel at home together? Can it be anything I want it to be in the reality within my mind? Can I choose what I believe or am I too stubborn to believe in anything? Must I simply ask myself if I am lying to myself, if I am exaggerating? Can it measured by the pain felt when it's not returned or is returned love stronger and truer.