marutina can't draw

By what strange trick of fate do our paths cross anew?

[marutinacantdraw]

I wantes to do something for Mermay and I also wanted to draw White Violin / Number 7 / Vanya from the umbrella academy but I’m still working on commissions and couldn’t justify the time to do both, so...

[marutinacantdraw]

Some of the latest commissions I’ve done ♥ All info here: https://twitter.com/GlareUsy/status/1115972143542603777

[ogtmoreno]

[captain-raptor]

best thing i learned working with and learning about kids: when they do shit like this, especially to something they themselves use and enjoy, leave it there for as long as possible. let them return to the fun thing over and over again so that it sinks in that the thing they did was wrong, they ruined something, and now they can’t have fun because of it and they should never do it again. it teaches them consequence of action and cautiousness.

i did this with a 3-year-old kid i babysat who filled his playstation with peanut butter before i got there, just every time he went back to it and asked why it’s not working, i opened it and pointed to the peanut butter stains and said “you did that” and he says “yeah”, “will it work like that?” “…no”, and when he got it and promised to never put anything but games into a game machine again, his parents bought another and he kept his promise. it works, even at that age.

this was a long and unnecessary rant but so many times i’ve seen parents IMMEDIATELY replace their kids’ toys/electronics that they destroy over and over again and i’m just like NO THEY’RE NOT LEARNING ANYTHING THAT WAY 

[dollygale]

they also don’t learn from being thrown into fires

[marutinacantdraw]

are you sure, have you tried

[marutinacantdraw]

Commissions are open ♥ Please DM me on Twitter if you’re interested! https://twitter.com/GlareUsy ♥

[marutinacantdraw]

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[marutinacantdraw]

A month.

The first time I crossed the line and ignited your anxiety I felt so guilty. It was May. I had no place doing that and we both knew it. You asked to just be friends and then took time to yourself. Then you came back to me.

The second time we were hit by circumstances and fear. We said things, we drank, we held each other a moment too long in front of a shop’s window all lit with fairy lights, and accepted it was never going to happen. The most bitter Christmas break.

But then you came back to me. The third time I lost you we were both in the process of losing someone else. You looked at me and told me you wanted out. I told you ‘Good Luck’ and you smiled and held my hand. You were wearing your sky blue shirt and it matched your eyes. A few days later I had lost the both of you, and you had decided to cling onto the kind of hope that is only born out of fear of change. We decided to remain friends. Then you came back to me.

The fourth time you left me was after being mine for two whole days.   We were free and we were excited. We consumed each other. And then you disappeared. And then I was a beggar. We decided to remain friends.

And then you came back to me.

The fifth time was after I had given you everything I had. That was the hardest.  I gave you permission to hurt me and you left me at the table. We spoke a few days later. We decided to stay friends.

And then you came back to me.

The sixth time I lost you, my heart split open. The two pieces have since been yelling at each other. I took the option to come back to me away from you. I have hoped you wouldn’t accept it. I have hoped to hear you say you miss me. One piece of my heart allowed drunken me to open a window for that.

A window that the other half shut closed as soon as all alcohol left my body. It’s been a month now.

You haven’t come back to me.

[just-shower-thoughts]

One day you’re gonna think of someone for the last time and won’t even realize.

[marutinacantdraw]

I guess in the end I just wasn’t happy about feeling like the way I love was wrong.

[sailor-moon-rei]

by Ponchiux

[marutinacantdraw]

I’m letting go of the romance. I’m letting go of the memories. I’m letting go of what could have been. I’m letting go of love. I’m letting go of your company. I’m letting go of plans. I’m letting go of you.

[marutinacantdraw]

For all the progress I’ve made the past year, I still find it extremely difficult to talk to my friends about pain. For all the good intentions they have, sorrow and happiness don’t exist on the same plane. I am on a separate planet. Nothing they say can reach me. I will stop asking about you. I will stop talking to them about how much it hurts to see you giving me up so easily. I will stop asking them if you’re doing okay. I will go back to pretending everything is fine. I’ve trained for this. I will keep letting people think I heal easily and quickly. I will let them believe I’m moving on and the thought of you doesn’t hit me in the face every morning the moment I open my eyes. I feel so utterly lonely. I will keep up the happy-go-lucky facade because I don’t know what else to do. I’ve learnt to let it get worse before it gets better and I’ve learnt to do that by myself. I am not looking forward to hating you and I am scared of it happening. But I know it will. I am grateful my desk is tucked away. I am grateful nobody looks in my direction.

[marutinacantdraw]

https://open.spotify.com/track/0YnuJeEIPICQNn12uu61IN

I wish I had a star to guide me to where you are. I wish I could see with my own eyes what you’re up to. And if you think of me now that everything is lost amongst all the talking. I trace back the steps of those days and I find myself writing. Thinking of what we could have had. What could have been, in the end, it wasn’t. I dig up the past. I understand it’s over. Deleted. Like your name on the sand, kidnapped by the rain or taken away by the sea. There’s no arrow in my heart, all I have is words for what I feel. And you didn’t understand what I was looking for, so I’ll no longer pretend because I know how it hurts. I’m looking for words to describe what could have lit up my days. Tell me why you’re not here, is everything over between us? What are you leaving behind? I wanted to make your eyes my sun. I wanted to grow up with what you give me. But now you’re gone and I live thinking of you, because without ever being mine you managed to embed yourself into my memories, and there’s no respite from that. I miss you. Without you, there are no dreams. I can’t paint moments. So many tears shed over what you could possibly feel.

Tell me why you’re not here, is everything over between us? What are you leaving behind? 

Tell me why you’re not here, is everything over between us? What are you leaving behind? 

I’ll keep your face in my mind. Shine light on the pen that dedicates abstract memories to you. To you, who are already history. Now my heart wanders, looking for something meaningful, igniting the fire again. Now that you’re miles away from my love I look for the one thing that didn’t want to give us a future. Now that I’m trying to be honest with myself, with a bittersweet taste in my mouth, I think of you. What’s wrong with that? Dreaming of you I lost myself behind empty words that leave behind nothing that won’t make me feel homesick. Now I am left speechless. The night has descended on us like a light veil. At any rate, I will never forget you. I’m looking for words to describe what could have lit up my days. Tell me why you’re not here, is everything over between us? What are you leaving behind? Tell me why you’re not here, is everything over between us? What are you leaving behind? Tell me why you’re not here, is everything over between us? What are you leaving behind? What’s wrong with that? Dreaming of you I lost myself behind empty words that leave behind nothing that won’t make me feel homesick. Now I am left speechless. The night has descended on us like a light veil on us. At any rate, I will never forget you.

[marutinacantdraw]

[marutinacantdraw]

[marutinacantdraw]

Déjà Vu

Do you know how Deja Vus work? I heard about this somewhere: your brain messes up and instead of registering what is happening at that very moment in the right category, it stores it right away in the long-term memory pocket of your head. So you feel like what you’re experiencing has already happened because that moment has been stored with all the stuff from your past. I get Deja Vus quite often. Especially if I’m daydreaming. And I find myself daydreaming a lot more often than I usually would, recently. I daydream about you, calling me, asking me if I’m home. And I say Yes. And you say Do you mind if I come up one second? And I say Sure, let me just put some clothes on. - Please don’t... - If that’s why you’re coming up, you can stay down there. And you apologise. And I open the door. And you look at me with a thousand apologies in your eyes. And you take my face between your hands. And you say I’ve been an idiot. The only reason why it never felt right is because it wasn’t, because I never did this. - What is that? - Asking you to be mine. And you kiss me. And I feel so happy.

And if I’m really, really lucky, that’s when I get a Deja Vu. And so the feeling lasts longer. And for a very short moment it feels like it did happen. And I don’t have to feel my chest so heavy. Like when you wake up in the morning and for the first three seconds you don’t remember you’re heartbroken. But then you do. And it’s so heavy.

[figmas]