pretty boy

parker he/him

[boomkid-deactivated20200108]

me: i’m gonna do work today! hell yeah babey

brain: wrong

me: what?

brain: wrong

[eli0tknight-deactivated20181203]

All our generation wants is a small apartment and a spouse that loves them back.

[rakeeshsorrel-nuked-deactivated]

In-suite laundry would be nice too.

[bisexualgambit]

when you’re using a public restroom and you have done your business and you hear a toilet flush while you are washing your hands

oh and fyi:

[hsdscandids]

[major-moved-deactivated20181030]

you ever take a shower just to flex on post malone

[riverclan-moved-deactivated2019]

me: poke th cat

cat: mrrhp

me every time: wow.

[doujinshi]

me: *starts eating healthy and drinking water* oh wow this is actually really nice and fun. 

me: 

me:

me: I SAID THIS IS REALLY NICE

brain: oh right. heres some dopamine for the bare minimum u basic ass bitch

me: thank u 

[lmaonade]

wow i sure hope *starts smacking my neck* THERES NO VAMPIRES AROUND. *slaps my neck really really hard* i HOPE there’s NO vampires who might want to BITE ME and suck my blood right here from my *i am smacking so godforsakenly hard* NECK 

[cosed]

one day i will. then you’ll see. you will all fucking see

[cosed]

this is the funniest reply everyone else go home

[turtle-pancakes]

Made with Photofunia

[jumex]

911…id like to report something she did Operator: what she do? Me:…that

[firebang]

Only gay people can read this

[eggsquad]

Literally my math teacher abandoned today’s lesson because some kid brought his kitten to school i don’t even know

[mcish-deactivated20140919]

can the guy who brought it in let me raw him

[tylerjosephotos]

[theonion]

[dawnblade]

im an evil boy-kissing transgender

[incurablenecromantic]

“Old friend” either means an elderly dog or an individual of the same gender with whom you have been secretly in love for more than a decade. There are no other possible interpretations.

[reasonably-annoyed-fog]

This is blatant archenemy erasure and I won’t stand for it

[jagarsjora]

Bold of you to assume the archenemy isn’t the individual of the same gender you’ve been secretly in love with for more than a decade