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[marvellouslymarvmello]

Some things ive learned about my new friend oscar.

1. Despite being completely deaf and mostly blind, he loves attention more than most fully abled cats.

2. Despite being completely deaf and mostly blind, he let my sister and i Bathe him, a sister who frantically drove half an hour to help this old man. Shes a vet student, what can you do?

3. Despite being so malnourished he is mostly fur, he still reused to eat the fish cat food his new cat dad bought him, and opted to wait until he was given the correct meal. Chicken and/or beef.

He’s currently passed out on an old doona in my room, sleeping soundly and giving my partner terrible cat allergies. Which they refuse to listen to and cuddle him anyways.

Say hi to oscar.

[marvellouslymarvmello]

You’re gone now.

The way I wanted,

the way I wished for.

I begged,

for you to be gone.

To be whiskey away,

far, far away.

And now you are

and I feel hollow.

So hollow.

Quickly replaced,

yet its a sour taste.

Brackish, hollow

filled with sorrow.

I do not need you,

I do not want you.

Yet I wonder where you’ve gone.

[marvellouslymarvmello]

Writing

I thought I’d finally blocked it out. Apparently not.

“Please… please. Help me. They’re going to take me away and I’ll never see you again. Please. PLEASE!”

I’ll never forget. Never forget how you sounded, how I could stand there and listen… but do nothing. Nothing as they ripped you away. Oh you poor soul.

Never again.

Never. Again.

You said you’d rather die than go back there, that you’d never be allowed out again. And I promised you. I promised you. I’d be there by your side.

What a filthy promise.

I remember pacing that fucking hallway, in that filthy, fucking, enraging private uniform.

Suit and tie,

Watch the person you love die.

What a fucking hero I was then. Walking back and forth, back and forth. As they locked you away.

I’d go back, even now after we’d split, again, just to take you from that moment.

Oh how they violated you then.

They stripped away your safety, your life,

what for? To tick a box. To ‘help you’.

Explain to me how helping someone is throwing them in a caged car. Explain to me how strapping someone into a hospital bed is helping them.

EXPLAIN IT TO ME.

Oh you poor soul,

How I’d hold you so.

My tender darling,

Taken. Again.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

[marvellouslymarvmello]

It’s early in the morning.

The sun has said it’s goodbye,

until

the morning comes.

Yet my mind

won’t stop churning

away the thoughts.

I lay here still,

another’s heart beating close to mind,

gentle breaths rising in this secret, dark, midnight.

Yet I cannot sleep.

[marvellouslymarvmello]

I’ve noticed that as my days go on.

I find that lust for life lacking.

Where once, abundant in every bound of my step,

a slow, gentle rocking wracks the stability of my world view.

Perhaps it is age, but I doubt that,

for as I’ve aged I’ve begun to notice the beauty in hidden corners,

the tenderness of the everyday.

But to me it feels lacking.

It feels as though the love for life that once met every moment of my day is now collapsed.

And to take the meaning of things seems a far harder thing to do. The rules, the subtext of this very world overlays and twists the nature of the very nature that they once bore.

But perhaps I am the thing that lacks this special thing to make life abundant.

Perhaps I am the problem.

I have not seen, a sight worth seeing that I have not seen before in days without end. I hold the ones I care for closely but my mind it does not end.

And to keep this spark, this spark of a dying ember which once held my heart.

I feel all things have met there end.

Yet here I am.

Standing.

Repeating each and every task over and over again.

When will it end.

[marvellouslymarvmello]

Something about

sitting in bed,

Where you gently rest your head

in my lap. The anger you feel,

from conversation just past,

feels horribly false.

You lay a twixt my legs,

your phone in hand, as

You ignore me.

Your hair spills

and onto my legs it fills,

The pockets of space between us.

The pale grey, if the afternoon day-

light fills the room, a melancholy rests

upon my chest.

And my heart it fails to fill.

Something about

sitting in bed,

where you gently rest your head,

Feels terribly false.