lulu

[marzipanacademy]

i wish you’d walk over me, physically

mix my body with dirt and concrete

witness me taking my last breath,

be the owner of my last heartbeat

bury me, burn me, eat me

make me nonexistent

let me go, let me finally be free

decide my fate, be my death’s assistant

erase me from this world and every other

be the last one to remember

a memory so sweet,

sweet like the smell of my rotting body

the body that was once so tender

[marzipanacademy]

blood dripping on the floor

is it mine or is it yours

I can’t tell because we’re almost the same

and what difference would it make

it’s just blood

it’s the same with our tears

except mine taste almost sweet

while yours are filled with bitterness

just like your soul

I don’t blame you

I accept what I have

secretly wishing for what I truly deserve

because it can’t be that miserable

and hope is the mother of fools

maybe in the end that’s all I am

[marzipanacademy]

is my soul deep enough for you?

like the soil i run my fingers through

it swallows me whole without judging

and that is exactly what I need now

to live in symbiosis because alone I would die

there is nothing ahead of me I can feel it

my existence filled with fear

so I wander around not knowing why

waiting for my wings to grow so that I can fly

away from everything known to me

so far I have traveled only through my mind

yet there is still so much left for me to see

if only I could break the patterns and be free

that would be the new beginning of me

my life would finally have some meaning

now I am trapped in my cage with hope

for a better world or some kind of a change

for a savior who could show me how to live my life instead of just existing inside

[marzipanacademy]

with the death of this tree,

i will be a dead man.

in the prime time of this tree

we bloomed together

you and me,

the children of spring

sun on our skin,

wind in our hair

imitating its leaves.

summer was warm;

your sunkissed face in my hands.

i was happy.

as the tree’s leaves grew,

i left that tree to be with you

it didn’t matter

this summer, you do.

fall was hard, as it always is.

i hope you understand

me and the tree are losing leaves.

it wasn’t easy for you,

the rain washing away your tears.

things had to change,

as this tree was losing its leaves.

as the winter comes,

i’m dying along with this tree,

letting you bloom again,

this time without me.

i will be there,

beside this tree’s roots,

rooting for something

i will never have.