Bliss

I'll take you back to the start.

[masamikishi]

When all of this subsides, I will no longer hate myself. For you, I wish you would regret the life I couldve shared with you. When Im gone you will start to realize the things you couldve done. Lucky to the next love you find, but hopefully you wont forget that because of me, you have changed to a man that you shoulve been for the longest time. I wish you do not live in misery, I wish you would be able to open your eyes to a life that is beautiful. Pain can be tolerated, pain eases and soon it heals. you could live with that, you can choose an unsatisfying life. By the time you choose to be happy, I hope it will come from with in you first so you would be able to share it to other people. Time is running out, time is of the essence and you will not be forever young, looking young. I wish you could find the love that will make you a better person. A love that you know how to share not by words but by actions. A love that you can reciprocate. Love means understanding and patience. You cannot love someone and not show it because you love yourself too much. You cannot love someone only through words. And definitely, you cannot unlove a person anytime you feel like unloving them, it is not love. You cannot demand love and deny it as you please. You cannot love someone if you are not willing to change. I hope all these, you will be able to learn.

[masamikishi]

Open letter to my once-upon-time-friends-with-benefits.

Honestly, I miss you. I miss the idea of having you around, not as a boyfriend and not a stranger but a friend with you-know-what. I miss the idea- how we can talk wildly and openly and share the insignificance in our lives. How we started as friends whose hearts were broken. How we ended up in bed and promised to never fall in love with each other. endless nights came and mornings gone. Hugs and cuddles were enough to ease my loneliness. everything was so smooth flowing, we used each other to answer the pain we both felt. You used me. I used you.

Sleeping with you was not my intention. Your hand on my tiny breast, our thighs intertwined while hugging me from behind. Waking up next to you was not what I wanted. I know I would have missed it when this is over. Kissing and holding hands were never part of our deal, but as we did, it felt so good.

You helped me a lot. You helped me moved on from my painful past. you were there for me, listened to everything non-sense I said and I am so thankful. to all the things you did for me, all I wanted is for you to be happy. I wish I was able help.

months passed, We were both so complacent and comfortable. Me, invading your privacy, invading your bed and invading the whole you. We had our waist-high fence in between that we are too afraid to cross. It was all about sex, your bed and our friendship. How cool is that?

Eventually, this had to end before its too late. Before emotional attachment kicks in, before one falls in love. We both know what we like, we both know its not us. You had to go back to her, I had to go back to my life. I never been this open to any guy I met. I never spent so much time to a person I am not in love with. The question thats been bothering me was, Why?

Thank you for being my one and only friend with benefits. It was the most relaxing, un-stressful relationship I had. Thank you for giving me reasons not to fall in love with you. Thank you for returning the feeling I invested. Thank you for keeping up with me for half a year until you can no longer keep up. Thank you for being my wild fantasy and for satisfying me, I hope I did satisfy you, too. thank you for being my walking diary whenever we’re not under the sheets. I am happy now that you are, and this is the moment when we really go back to being strangers, after all, we never had the chance to become just friends in a more civil way.

To be continued.

[masamikishi]

Break up letter pt. 1 5/22/16

I hope you read through.
Addition to all your love letters. 😅
Response to your 12 year old letter 💌
(Effort yan)😁 Dear Paul, Hmmm, I don’t know where to start 😅 I hope you’re doing good. It’s been a week since I last heard from you. It was a hell of a week, though. The saddest and the most painful yet for me. Im good, just in case you are wondering. I need to be okay, I need to fake every smile and act as if everything is okay. 😁 <- like that. I don’t know if you’d be able to read this or just swipe it left to delete. I don’t really know what went wrong. Everything happened so fast. 5 months na sana tayo today, but I guess no more celebration to think about. Thank you for the wonderful 4 months with you. You made no distance hinder us from being together. In 4 months, it felt years of feelings, 12 years worth.😌 That was tough but that was def real. Never saw this coming. Never thought we’d end up like this. Like how unexpected you came into my life. Im sorry for what I did. Sorry for not being strong enough to face what was supposedly given to me. It could’ve been the bestest gift you could’ve given me but I took no care of it. You have no idea what Ive also been through, how it kills me inside just the thought of it. Sorry for telling you things. Sorry for being selfish. Sorry for pushing you too much. Sorry for causing you guilt and sorrow. Sorry for giving up, this is the only thing I can do to survive. I deserve to be treated like this somehow. I finally understand how it feels. Losing what you love hurts so bad that half of me died. Losing both is way heavier than anything. I never got the chance to hear your opinion. Never had out last talk. Never gave you the liberty to decide. I was too afraid. I was scared to hear what you could’ve said. Now, I regretted the time when you wanted to talk it out, I regretted the time when you were still there for me. So, I want to formally cut ties with you. I want it to be formal, kahit hindi na uso and you see no point. I really love you that my moving on needs your requisition. syempre, I was hopeful that you’d come back, hirap kasi ng one way lng. I can’t carry any more pain. It gets painful everyday waiting. I might regret telling you this, hell I know I will. you might come back or I don’t know or just let go as it is. but at least nasabi ko na siguro lahat ang gusto ko sabihin. Andami ko na tlga iniisip and im gonna burst any moment so might as well stop expecting stop thinking stop feeling stop everything. I have regretted a lot of things already, sabay sabayin ko nlng para full blast, para iisang sakit nlng lahat. For sure either we make it or break it. I will forever cherish you and baby Nathan. :) i will def miss you and sure baby M will do too. I will miss your kisses hugs and humps. Your cheesy lines sullenness and giggles. Our facebook issues and endless what ifs. Your teasing and singing. The LDR thing, SepAnx, post visits and the missing and the looking forward. I’ll miss everything about you that I learned to love like how I learned to love flowers. I’ll miss you so bad and it’ll be hard for the next couple months or years or God-knows-when to see myself without you, but yeah. Move on move on nlng :) najinx na tlga tayo. And this is how it really ends. Di pala tlga tayo meant to be. And wala tlga tayong forever. It could’ve been me though and it could’ve been us, it could’ve been forever.

[masamikishi]

Break up letter pt 2. 5/22/16

I know you'll move on and love again like you loved me and the girls before me. I hope if the same thing happens, both of you are willing to fight for it. I hope the best for you. I hope whatever happens, you'll be ready for it. Bawasan ang libog, bawasan ang kamanyakan. Haha joke :) Lesson learned, never find a girl na may sabit or malibog din😅 I wish you can find a girl you can see yourself with in the future. Who you are willing to fight with and fight for. Hopefully the girl after me will love you more than I do. I hope she'll take care of you and put you first. Make sure you find her and love her and I hope she'll love you and take care of you, baby damulag ka kasi. Hehe kidding aside, If you do find her, make sure to be there for her always, not only in good but in baddest of bad times. Don't cower, don't let time work for you, don't let it be. Don't turn your back. Never let her go. But of course, I know you won't because she will be the one :) and I hope shell do all those things to you too. I just want you to be happy like how happy you were once with me but hopefully much happier. Mahal na mahal na mahal kita sobra and it wont be easy to forget you. PaulRivs eh. I feel so small now that I am typing this. This was the fear I was avoiding all this time, the endless questions like how would I cope up if ever you leave me hanging, what will happen then if we break up, what would it be if I lose you, and now here it is right in front me. I feel undignified and stupid for failing and hurting you. I feel the exact same pain or worst but dont worry, its okay because you are worth every pain. I know this letter makes no sense at all but maybe I just want to let you know how sorry I really am. Masakit lang isipin na after all the promises we made, we both break it this way. Until now, you still make me do things I have never done before. I wasn't ready for this or I am still not. pero kelangan eh. I have a life to look after. I cant afford to be broken hearted. Mamimiss tlga kita. Sakit pala talga. Pero masarap na masakit and I desereve all of this. You left me something to look forward to. Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for breaking my heart. I didnt expect na mamahalin kita ng ganto :) I was the happiest while it lasted. If only I could undo everything, I would've done otherwise. Ikaw ang pinaka masakit na nangyari sakin. I hate to admit it to myself but I just became one of those girls who loved you so much. I hate that I became one of them that I promised I will never be. But here I am breaking up with you and breaking my heart for you. PS: Thank you for the memories. The love we shared, the firsts I experienced with you and just simply being you. Sorry for the scar and the pain. Maybe we'll meet baby Nathan at the right time, one sweet day 😊 Lucky is the girl who will capture your pure heart. You dont need to think anymore, I will make it easy for you. Always take care, okay?I am really sorry for everything, I really do. I hope someday you'll forgive me. Till we meet again, bye Love 😢 Always, 🐼🐼🐼🐼 (Me, Gusgus, Marlou and Baby M)

[masamikishi]

Stressed at the age of 29.

The coming of age is not easy. At what point in life should you feel accomplished? Some would say 25, others say that age doesn’t matter. Every year, We tend to forget that we age. we tend to neglect that we should be preparing ourselves. When do we grow up? when do we go out of comfort zone? When do we stop Fooling ourselves? When do we stop being childish?

[masamikishi]

You Me and Her

When you liked each other for ages and the universe conspires but its just not gonna be you two. One night. One more night. That's it. End of story. You go back to admiring each other afar.

[masamikishi]

Chapter 1.

"Wake up!" Said my younger sister. "You said we are going to Tokyo? Its past 12 already." This not so little sister is really starting to annoy me. "Yes. I am already awake!" I said. But then I went back to sleep again and so did she. We are going to Tokyo to go visit someone. Err, someone who I am sleeping with sometimes and also to meet my high school friend. We havent seen each other for like ages! He's here in Japan for a short vacation with his sister. "Fuck! Its already 3o'clock! Leon, wake up! Hurry up! Im dead! Oh my God!" I said to my sister whose butt is still snoring. "Yeah, Im up!"

[masamikishi]

Febtenseventeen

Book after book, for my past not to look. the epic memories, happy yet sad stories. deciphering the feeling to such woeful ending, the love that bit, the pain that sticked.

Valentino, you’re my first, I was hurt. No, you the sweetest, you the best. stop your madness, give way to forgiveness, Because I am your heart right from the start.

[masamikishi]

Day 1 January 29th '17

Today, it was pretty boring. It was not too cold today like how I expected it to be. nice flow, quiet and a little fun. I am still thinking about you. Xoxo

[masamikishi]

Update, update.

So yeah, its been a month. I guess and I think I am okay now. oh wells, my hands are still itchy at times. Still want to ask him how he is. But I just control myself not to. Hopefully someday, He’ll have some balls to do that if I really mattered to him but yeah I doubt about it. Hh no longer expecting. Wishful thinking though that he will. But oh wells

[masamikishi]

Day 5 Ticked this off my bucket list. Maya Bay, Phiphi Islands Thailand. One of the bestest place by far! :) from the movie 'The Beach' starring Leonardo :) 11/24/16

[masamikishi]

Day 4 The habit I wish I never I had.

[masamikishi]

Day 3 These are my bestfriends/sis-bros frm another rents' They were there for me when I needed them most. they saved me.

[masamikishi]

Day 2

What's behind my Tumblr Name? My Tumblr name is of course my Name but my blog page's name is Bliss with a sub-caption "I'll take you back to the start". Why? This blog was supposedly for my Ex. I made this account before for picture purpose and an open diary about him when we were still together. I am not into public display type of person and mind you, this account is limited to my bestfriends and some friends. This is not open for public thus its not even connected to my other SNS. I made this to upload and update our story so that 1day when want to look back, or our phones get busted, at least I have this account to look in to. Sad to say though that this account should be my happy escape, but it turned out it became My heartbreak page. He doesnt even know this existed! Haha

[masamikishi]

DAY 1

15 facts about me: Hmmm lets start from the most obvious.

1. Based on what you see on my picture, Im a freckled-face kinda girl. Short haired and has a bamboo like of a body. Oh and dont forget the flattest of flat nose.

2. I am half Japanese and half pitz. Lol Im a combination of both Jap and Pinay blood. That makes my eyes a little Chinese. Not Japanese. 😑

3. I was born and raised in the Philippines but I am currently residing in Japan for 7years. If you ask my Japanese level, its conversational.

4. I became a mum at a very young age.

5. I had my first deadly heartbreak this year.

6. I am named after my Dad. Got his attitude as well and his chest.

7. I am 28 years old. But yeah I look and act like im forever 25.

8. I love coffee and I love doing nothing. They say Im a sloth since I can sleep for more than 15 hrs. But I would rather compare myself to a Panda. Yes, I love pandas

9. I smoke and drink. Thats where my money goes. My spare money.

10. I love reading books! Books are my kind of shopping. I can wander in a bookstore for hours but shop clothes in a span of an hour.

11. I act smart so I wont be labeled stupid. But I act stupid sometimes so that People wont rely on my opinion. My opinions are highly demanded.

12. Im not your typical kikay girl though i have a very fickle mind.

13. My imagination works wonders but I have such a boring life. I dont normally go out of my comfort zone.

15. Because Im so lazy, I opt to pretend I sleep most of the time. I love planning, but since Im lazy, I tend to ruin everything.

To make it short, I ruin my life and make wrong decisions all the time!

Toodles!

[ohwaihellothar]

[masamikishi-blog-blog]

addicted2purple:

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name Day 03- A picture of you and your friends Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to Day 06- Favorite super hero and why Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one Day 13- Your pet peeves Day 14- A picture of you and your family Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play Day 16- Another picture of yourself Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else Day 23- Something you crave for a lot Day 24- A quote that you’ve created Day 25- What I would find in your bag Day 26- What you think about your friends Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then? Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned Day 30- Who are you

[masamikishi]

Game time

[masamikishi]

久しぶりじゃない？long time, yeah?

Oh God, How Im missing him again. Thank God for Tumblr. If it wasnt for this, I couldve sent another crazy text to him. Oh God when will this stop. Bring him back or kill me. 😣