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trying on a metaphor
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JBB: An Artblog!
d e v o n
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@masterofsouls333
The dilemma of decorating my room. If I commit to building a haven inside the very place I feel unsafe in, where the voices that unsettle me can still reach me, am I not condemned from the start? Self-expression is my only cure but it grows roots. And I know I don’t want to stay here. What’s the point of taking up space, painting the walls with my soul, only for this to become a museum for all the things that can be used against me.
is this you
Yes 🥹💞
The dilemma of decorating my room. If I commit to building a haven inside the very place I feel unsafe in, where the voices that unsettle me can still reach me, am I not condemned from the start? Self-expression is my only cure but it grows roots. And I know I don’t want to stay here. What’s the point of taking up space, painting the walls with my soul, only for this to become a museum for all the things that can be used against me.
I never understood the fear of dying alone, it’s more dreadful for me to imagine living unloved
Everyone should be more direct, we should say what’s weighing on us. Why do we make things unnecessarily complicated, make our lives less eventful and more stressful. Fill it with a silence of wondering, not saying what we feel, staying in our own head in a spiral that drowns us in the bottomless ocean of the destructiveness of our own mind, and being unable to see the way out. The lifebelt on the surface someone else could easily see. Because they’re not drowning with you, because we all drown in our own oceans. That’s why it’s easier to see another person’s way out than your own. Maybe that means we’re meant to help eachother more than we’re meant to help ourselves. Almost like we’re made for community, not this radical individualistic isolation in western society.
I just tapped into collective consciousness I’m in I’m in IM IN
Elio… elio elio elio elio
Why do I wrap everything up in metaphors, so if someone hears me, their own projection onto my words overshadows the part of me I poured into them. I thought making art was my way of speaking my truth but I often end up forming it into a collective truth. Digestible, for everyone, the essence of the thing, never the thing itself. Like I’m trying to teach, to enlighten. I physically can’t say what I really think and feel. Who cares. But why does even art have to be useful. Why does it have to be liked. Doesn’t the desire to move weaken authenticity. The art of creating for the sake of creation. For the sake of raw unfiltered expression. It’s not easy to name things. Sometimes I get scared if I do it will make them real. And persistent. Because I don’t want this to be my reality, I don’t accept the darkness as my identity. Maybe just as an integral part of me. I don’t want to think and feel the way I do. I do it anyways but if I name it, what if I can never get rid of it. What if the taste never leaves my tongue.
Want to be the moon but the sun refuses to illuminate me, but the moon is only the moon when it has a witness, because definitions only exist to the definers.
Daniel Sabater y Salabert (1888–1951), “Tempestad”
oil on canvas, n.d.
Too unstable to not wonder if I did something wrong, too aware to ask because I know I probably didn’t and it’s all in my head
I’m the blank canvas that becomes what you paint on it
Sometimes I want to drench my hands in something acidic so they stop yearning for a burn
List of niche features I really like because I enjoy making lists
Black eyes. As in reallyyy dark eyes, no abyss I would rather fall into
Really puffy eyes obese eyes like a hmm idk I love puffy eyes
Full dense brows
This m shape on the inner part of the upper lip
When the corners of the lips go like in
Nose tip that has visible cartilage so cool
Defined bridges
Freckles that fade into the lips
defined philtrum
Those slight hollows in the cheeks that deepen when talking
Slightly messed up teeth or a broken tooth
“Post your drafts, they could make someone feel seen”
Sympathy Scale
1: I want you dead
2: I wouldn’t help you up if you tripped
3: I would hesitate to help you if you tripped, but I’d end up doing it.
4: I would help you if you tripped. We can fix everything.
5: I regularly have moments of romanticising you but I don’t know if this will go anywhere
6: Let me in, I’ll be everything you want. This is fate.
7: You’re so cool please like me but don’t get close but I will cry if you switch up on me
8: You’re my everything and my whole life
9: I will not recover if you leave
10: I will die if you leave