AnasAbdin
styofa doing anything
Keni
taylor price
we're not kids anymore.
titsay
No title available
if i look back, i am lost
Peter Solarz
Mike Driver
will byers stan first human second
Misplaced Lens Cap
dirt enthusiast
oozey mess
🪼
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
RMH
One Nice Bug Per Day
almost home
art blog(derogatory)
seen from Germany
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@matcha-chai
♡ NAVIGATION —•°
♡ a little about me
—•° hana. 20. asian.
—•° oddly specific things i've written: hyacinths on graves. • museums with strangers. • a bride leaving her lover. • wine-stained roses. • choosing your own soulmate. •
—•° all my work
♡ little remarks
—•° currently trying to get back into writing!
gothic literature character apologists are such a strange breed of person… like imagine being confronted with a piece of literature that forces you to contend with the fact that horrible, awful people can be victims and suffer too, and you go “but consider this: they’re victims, and they suffer, therefore the author was blaming them for things they didn’t do when they described them commit unforgivable crimes” god it must feel great having cotton for brains huh
The infamous line “you could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know” (Catching Fire, pg 178) is such a loaded statement. It is often viewed through an everlark lens (rightfully so) but it also reveals much about Haymitch.
Primarily, this comment is his way of lashing out at the entire quell situation, insulting Katniss in the process. Haymitch and Katniss are so similar in their upbringings, way of thinking, and relationship with Peeta. By insulting Katniss, he insults himself. Like Katniss, he feels so guilty and shameful that his initial reaction to the quell announcement was that of anger and self pity when Peeta was thinking of a plan to save everyone.
When Peeta begs to go back into the arena, Haymitch is reminded that he also does not deserve Peeta. This is someone who showed him kindness when he did not deserve it. Peeta took care of him on the train after the reaping after Haymitch had already been no help as a mentor. He even baked him bread and checked up on him after he decided to prioritize Katniss over him in the arena. Now he is selfless again in his mission to save everyone.
Haymitch says this because he believes he, too, could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve Peeta.
I’m fairly sure Haymitch prioritized Katniss in the arena in the first book with Peeta’s enthusiastic endorsement. Peeta was not expecting to survive and wanted to maximize Katniss’s chances. We know Peeta and Haymitch talked in private several times before Peeta entered the arena. It’s just that because the book is in tight Katniss POV, we’re not privy to their conversations.
But that’s a minor detail and I’m in total agreement with everything else. Especially Haymitch seeing himself in Katniss. This!!! Haymitch doesn’t like himself at ALL, so seeing some of his own personality traits in Katniss makes him harder on her. It’s more his own self-loathing talking than Haymitch being objective, though.
And since self-loathing is something else Haymitch and Katniss have in common, she doesn’t push back against this assessment, even inside her own head. As narrators go, Katniss is hard on herself.
I can’t currently find my copy of the trilogy, so I’m going on memory here, don’t have quotes. But it’s implied (certainly on a second read-through of the first book) that Haymitch and Peeta cooked up Peeta’s whole first Hunger Games strategy together.
When they first reach the Capitol, Peeta and Katniss are doing everything together. That changes when Peeta requests to have separate strategy sessions with Haymitch, not joint sessions. Katniss assumes this means Peeta is threatened by her, and wants to devise a strategy to take her out in the Arena. She becomes suspicious of Peeta again.
In fact, it’s after those private strategy sessions with Haymitch that Peeta declares his love for Katniss on live TV. Katniss is furious, but Haymitch tells her, “He made you desirable!” Or something like that. It’s not an exact quote because, as I said, I don’t have my copy handy. But clearly Haymitch was in on that declaration. It may have been his idea.
It’s also implied that Peeta cozied up to the Careers upon advice from Haymitch. Peeta used his knowledge of why Katniss got that 10 out of 10 from the gamemakers to cut a deal with the Careers. They’ll let him tag along with them in the Arena in exchange for him eventually revealing to them how Katniss got 10 out of 10.
In fact it’s her archery skills, but the Careers don’t know that. The only time Katniss used a bow and arrow in training was in her individual evaluation session with the gamemakers, shooting the apple in the roast hog’s mouth. Because she was pissed off they were ignoring her in favour of the food. Peeta, who’s grown up in District 12 and whose father buys the game Katniss shoots with her longbow, knows about it. And uses his knowledge as bait for the Careers.
I don’t think it’s ever stated explicitly, but presumably Haymitch and Peeta also came up with Peeta banding together with the Careers. The plan was presumably for Peeta to stay with them until they tracked Katniss down (knowing they would be targeting her due to her 10 out of 10). And when they tracked Katniss down, for Peeta to sacrifice himself to save her from the Careers. Which is exactly what happened, except they didn’t manage to finish him off at that point.
Presumably in their first individual strategy session, Peeta told Haymitch,”I know I’m going to die. How do I make it more likely Katniss will live?” And presumably revealed to Haymitch that he was in love with Katniss as an explanation for why he was being so self-sacrificing.
Haymitch, who may be a drunk but is far from stupid, must have thought, “The Capitol will eat up a star-crossed lovers story. I can use this!” And he and Peeta came up with the strategy of Peeta declaring his love to the whole country.
And then they came up with the sneakier strategy of Peeta ingratiating himself with the Careers. Peeta had to survive the Arena long enough to be useful to Katniss, which meant convincing the Careers his declaration of love for Katniss had been a fake. Right up until he could be of use to her.
From Haymitch’s point of view in Catching Fire, Peeta is a bit of a selfless miracle. In the first book, he took his first opportunity of being alone with Haymitch to ask how he could most cunningly sacrifice his own life to help Katniss survive. I’m sure none of Haymitch’s previous tributes had ever come up with anything like that. And then Peeta, once in the Arena, followed through on his grand declaration to Haymitch.
By pure good luck (and with the help of some poisoned berries), both Katniss and Peeta survive the Hunger Games. As of the start of Catching Fire, they’ve both already moved into the District Twelve Victors Village. Haymitch is still a drunk in this book, but he’s also a nervous drunk, because he’s neck deep in a conspiracy to take down the Capitol.
He’s kept Katniss and Peeta out of it, so Katniss, our narrator, doesn’t know about it. But it’s probably affecting Haymitch’s state of mind. And that makes Catching Fire a very interesting book to read again. Because there’s more going on with Haymitch than Katniss realizes.
Then comes the announcement of the Quarter Quell. Not only is Haymitch facing the possibility of going back into the Arena in middle age, so are many of his fellow Victor co-conspirators. The news profoundly affects the conspiracy, and Haymitch must be reeling at the implications.
Then immediately after the TV announcement, Peeta is at Haymitch’S door, begging him yet again to help him (Peeta) save Katniss. Begging Haymitch to let Peeta take his place in the Arena if Haymitch’s name is called, and begging Haymitch not to volunteer to take Peeta’s place if Peeta’s name is called.
Peeta already tried to sacrifice himself to save Katniss once, and here he is, immediately ready to do it again with no doubt in his mind it’s the right thing to do. Saving Katniss has never stopped being Peeta’s mission in life. Even though Haymitch surely knows Peeta and Katniss haven’t really been getting along since their Games. For Haymitch, with his healthy sense of self-preservation, Peeta must seem ridiculously selfless.
Now, Haymitch isn’t entirely fair with Katniss when she comes to find him. For Haymitch and Peeta, the news one of them would be going back into the Arena was a horrible shock, but there was still a faint element of choice. Peeta knew his own name might not be called, so he had to get to Haymitch to ensure Haymitch would let him (Peeta) be the one to go in the Arena.
Since District Twelve has only one female Victor, that means Katniss is definitely going back in the Arena, with no choice at all. So it’s hardly surprising Katniss’s initial reaction was to break down fearing for herself. She has undiagnosed PTSD from her first Games, a second is her worst nightmare. There’s no choice to be made.
Eventually Katniss calms down enough to think about the danger to Peeta. And then she decides it’s her turn to be selfless, since Peeta was so willing to sacrifice himself to save her last year. But when Katniss goes to Haymitch, she is way behind Peeta. And Haymitch is hard on her for not immediately prioritizing saving Peeta the way Peeta immediately prioritized saving her.
But Haymitch is also experiencing self-loathing here. He knows if Peeta’s name is called, he should volunteer in his place. Peeta is a young man with his whole life ahead of him, not a middle-aged drunk with no family left. But Haymitch is also neck-deep in the anti-Capitol conspiracy I mentioned above. So maybe he’s not just saving his own skin by not wanting to go back. Maybe Haymitch is more useful being conniving in the Capitol during the Quarter Quell.
But Haymitch being Haymitch, he’s conflicted. His self-loathing kicks in because he may wonder if he’s making excuses for himself to avoid the Arena. Here’s Peeta, so determined Katniss has to live, even though Peeta lost a leg (and nearly his life) the last time he prioritized Katniss’s survival. And then, eventually, along comes Katniss, begging Haymitch to save Peeta instead of her. And Haymitch actually wants to save everybody, but he daren’t tell Katniss or Peeta about the planned coup. It would put them in even more danger than they’re already in.
So Haymitch gets bitter with Katniss, for not thinking of Peeta immediately the way Peeta thought of her immediately. She isn’t as selfless as Peeta, and Haymitch is critical of her for it. But it’s not just about Katniss, a lot of it is about Haymitch himself. And, in retrospect, about the conspiracy Haymitch is involved in to try and take down the Capitol. A conspiracy which will get everybody killed if it fails.
Also, I’m not a betting woman. Nonetheless, I would put good money on Haymitch’s name being on both those slips of paper at the Reaping in Catching Fire.
President Snow obviously knows nothing about the conspiracy. He views Peeta (symbol of the star-crossed lovers who defied him) as a much bigger threat than some middle-aged drunk. Therefore Peeta must go back into the Arena and die. The citizens of the Capitol will be sad for a while, but eventually they’ll get over it.
Snow knows Peeta’s the selfless type. Haymitch seems reasonably close to him since the Games last year, and more importantly, Katniss would be on Haymitch’s case. If Peeta’s name is reaped, Haymitch might succumb to an unusual impulse of self-sacrifice and volunteer in Peeta’s stead. Nudged along by Katniss.
Therefore, Haymitch’s name must be on both those pieces of paper. Peeta will of course volunteer to replace him, as Peeta would never let Katniss go into the Arena alone. Problem solved, from Snow’s point of view. That’s not how it works out, but it’s how Snow would think.
alas, i loved you like the sun's tender light reflecting off the vial of ashes hanging around your neck. no matter the care i'd put in my eyes for you, your grief would shroud a veil of doubt over your eyes; this of all things you'd known with conviction. so with all the pieces of yourself you could collect, you became the wanderer of the streets. those ashes, they were yours from when you first died – the one where your garden of athanasias was burnt down forcefully. no amount of my kindness could remedy that. you now maunder day and night in a desperate attempt to bury your ashes, to live past the death of your first life; to find reasons to live a second.
Janice Gould, “Earthquake Weather”
(on the way home, laughter as abundant as air on a summer evening)
[vivian falls on the sidewalk. lily, the source of much of the laughter, helps her up.]
vivian: oh heavens, that hurts! (huffs a heavy breath) one of these days, if my heel were to get stuck in the cobblestones again, i'll make sure i simply fall and lie down.
lily, amused: oh dearie! and why might that be?
vivian, dusting her dress: to chart my journey to the sun, of course! can't hit a bird or two on the journey, eh? i'd fly up and touch the star, hoping my warmth is enough to– now! why are you still smiling? i am not being foolish!
lily: but never did i make such an assumption, love! (turns solemn, only to break out in laughter once more) i sure hope your wings don't melt!
vivian: i'm serious, lily! you cannot just ask of me to let go of a dream, now can– hey!
[lily takes vivian's hand and guides her to the path home. her smile has calmed into planting a small kiss on vivian's hand.]
lily: even if your wings did melt, i'd make sure to catch you if you'd fallen anyways.
there's days you can't forget. the birthday of a friend you're not so sure you know anymore, the day the old lady who used to give you cookies parted with her husband, the day you and your friend do nothing but talk through the night. i don't like my mind on these days. it turns me into an insignificant little speck polluting the omipresent universe; an entity who knows lesser and lesser as they age. it forces me to grieve for the death of time, and the momentary life that existed in its presence.
" It was a wonderful night, such a night as is only possible when we are young, dear reader. "
- Fyodor Dostoevsky, White Nights
wondering mayhaps i should revive this blog
I'm very fond of how Everlark didn't fall in love with each other. Peeta walked with purpose toward the love he felt for her and just kept firmly, stubbornly, and diligently walking while holding his heart on full display in his arms regardless of how heavy it became with each step. While Katniss grew in love with him, from the small sprouts in her peripheral vision that at first she thought she had the privilege to ignore by turning her head the other way. But eventually, the roots housed themselves so intrinsically everywhere inside her being, that even if she willingly wanted to prune them, she wouldn't be able to scratch their surface. Falling is accidental, both were no accidents.
Portrait of a young woman & Portrait of a young woman in profile by Edwin Longsden Long (British, 1829-1891)
A short story inspired by Ichiko Aoba’s album Windswept Adan.
“Don't you ever feel that way Percy? Like you could do a better job if you ran the world?” “Um...no. Me running the world would be kind of a nightmare.”
mutuals as books I love: @matcha-chai as the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series
As the sun tries to keep me warm through the living room window, I remember how I used to reflect that same kind of light. I still do, in the eyes of other people, but how can they not see that my light has been burning out for quite some time now? I must hide it so well that only I could be so observant– only I can notice that what’s walking alongside them is merely remnants of a person who almost made it.
– h.w // @ahurricaneinabottle
The Moon, la Lune • old academic newspaper aesthetic
