i havent been on here because i mostly just posted art and, for a while now, i just haven't been able to draw. i can sketch and even line some things but nothing is ever finished because the entire process is daunting, posting on the internet is daunting, having a voice is daunting, drawing is daunting, being an artist is daunting having thoughts is daunting. my legacy on the internet is nothing, ive never drawn anything consistently so people can only remember me as someone who drew something for a little while before moving on. I dont like that, I hate that, I really, really hate it. But im slower than ever at it now, putting anything out takes a week of trial and error and crying and frustration (i've measured it). I'm not even proud of the end result, that used to be what kept me going even if the process was hard. To come back to the legacy thing, that's really the worst of it, i can feel these complex deep visceral emotions about my drawings but what am i even talking about? look at my gallery, it is frivolous fandom-irrigated works of surface-level nothing and cute stupid animals. my frustrations are unserious, its all so unserious. there is nothing to mourn. I guess im only writing this here bc the character limit isnt as dogshit as twitter's and bothering any of my friends with this idiotic internal monologue would cause me psychic damage so. I suppose this will be it for a while.
