There is a very Catholic thing happening between Tanrak and Father Arnon in their end scenes together. The Catholic conceptions of sin and forgiveness of sin are different from Protestant traditions. In Catholicism, if you confess your sins and pray acts of contrition, you receive absolution. You are forgiven. It is ritual. You say what you did, say you're sorry, and you're square with God.
Father Arnon absolves Tanrak of the sin he confesses (betrayal of the people who did so much for him, in his own words) in the eyes of the Church. But absolution, and his admonition to lay down that particular burden doesn't refer to his 'living in sin' with Barth (as they would be considered as they cannot marry within the Church). Tanrak will not confess that, he does not consider it a sin or something he needs to be absolved of. Father Arnon may have fondness for his boys, but he is still a priest and the Church still has its rules, so there is and will always be a tension there.
As much as Father Arnon, Father Phak and Father Kongdech may love Barth and Tanrak personally, their roles in the Church will always be a barrier to full acceptance and embrace. There's a reason that despite maintaining their faith, they have not been back to Magdalene until now. That's the bittersweetness in the ending that is now an Aof signature.
I went to a dog show the other day. A Yorkie took Best in Show, a Jack Russell took second, and a Scotty took third. Iām starting to think the judges had some sort of All-Terrier motive.
with this particular story being so closely tied to aof's own beliefs and childhood + the team consulting with actual priests and making changes after the pilot (which i haven't watched yet but have heard was less church-friendly than the final result) + being a gmmtv production with two of their biggest actors at the center... honestly this show basically went as far and deep as i expected it to in my wildest dreams, which isn't as much as i wanted it to, but at least it did that pretty gracefully?
i have my personal qualms with the whole thing, in particular with this ep, but i'm coming out with an overall positive experience ā tth may not be not on the same level of what moonlight kitchen and not me ended up becoming to me, but it's definitely another bad buddy at the very least, in the sense that even though i don't agree with certain choices made on the way, the overall result is so foundationally grounded in values i personally share that any particulars can at most dampen my enjoyment, but never really put it out entirely.
that's kind of what i feel about aof's work in general tbh, even when i disagree with him. he's clearly a very thoughtful person with a lot of talent in his field who wants to... i wouldn't say "push the envelope" in his case tbh bc it's that's more direct and aggressive than anything i've seen from him, but maybe something like "always go beyond what is asked of him" i guess? and either way, while i don't have enough knowledge about thai society or culture at the moment to speak of what would be truly pushing the envelope in bl, the effect of adding a trans woman as the ONLY place of refuge and acceptance for two queer kids on the run, and having her be their guide to a happy ever after no less, could not be more clear in its message regardless of where or who you are. auntie lek's not perfect, she doesn't fit the mold of her religion in any way, she seems like she might live a pretty lonely existence for all she sacrificed, and we didn't even get closure on her relationship with tanrak's dad so who knows if that ended poorly too. but she represents tanrak's grief, courage and quiet endurance in adult form ā she's in front of him, tangible living proof that he can be himself and be happy and still be with god in the only way that matters. you could not misconstrue her intentions or the immensely positive significance she holds in tanrak's heart for the rest of his life if you tried. she's my favorite side character now, and probably what i'll remember from this show the most as time goes on.
(dont expand below unless you wanna see me be vaguely parasocial toward aof noppharnach??)
whether it's a big or small production, when a risk of any kind is taken by someone in the service of their community and in particular for the people in their community who are the most misunderstood and mistreated, it speaks far more strongly to me personally than production levels or big actors or really anything else about a piece of art/media. yeah this might be gemini's best role to date and fourth is one of my favorite young actors of all time at this point and i'm very glad they took this job, but i don't really know anything about them, the only real ass thing i actually know here as a queer person is that aof, an openly gay man who already exists everyday in a predatory industry that often still sees his life as entertainment first, has once again decided to engage with a project in an as far as i can tell extremely candid way, without sanitizing parts of the queer experience that are often written out and tucked away by most bls, and is very aware of the kind of difference he can make for others from his position.
none of this is perfect, and yeah our visions don't always align, and yeah he could do even more, and why not just make a series with a trans main character in the first place? buuuuut......meh. i'm just some random guy across the world from him. i'm getting older, and i can accept at this point that incremental change goes hand in hand with radical steps, that they work together over decades and eras to enact change, and that different types of people will be focusing on each, but that the hope is for all to converge at the right time. for all i know aof and other queer directors at gmm could be pushing hard for more trans characters. honestly, i know none of the minutiae that might allow one to pass judgement at the tth team specifically for not doing more. i only know what they delivered, and i personally can appreciate their efforts, warts and all.
at this point in my life the list of things i genuinely care about keeps growing shorter and half of it is just: take action, make attempts, of any kind, failed or otherwise. keep getting up everyday. work iteratively, and keep building. learn from your community and help the people you can, and apply newly learned knowledge to discover yourself over and over, and maybe do something worthwhile with what you find, if you get lucky.
i think aof might care about all that a lot too, and i'm just taking this small moment to thank him for being one of the people to continue doing so in this world that keeps getting worse.
being able to play songs in your head is cool and all but not really if you can't control what and when it plays so this is a visualization of me trying to concentrate while angel of music plays in my head
We stop at the dry cleaners and the grocery store
and the gas station and the green market and
Hurry up honey, I say, hurry,
as she runs along two or three steps behind me
her blue jacket unzipped and her socks rolled down.
Where do I want her to hurry to? To her grave?
To mine? Where one day she might stand all grown?
Today, when all the errands are finally done, I say to her,
Honey I'm sorry I keep saying Hurry ā
you walk ahead of me. You be the mother.
And, Hurry up, she says, over her shoulder, looking
back at me, laughing. Hurry up now darling, she says,
hurry, hurry, taking the house keys from my hands.
okay so iām not very sure how to articulate this but iām going to try because the thought wonāt leave my head. sorry in advance if i fail
i just find it very interesting how ticket to heaven frames the male and female figures in barthtanrakās lives
i think in one of the layers, one big reason why barth despises god is because capital he reminds barth of his father. the authoritarian male figure who dictates how people should live their lives. barth yearns for freedom and love and even though his fatherās gone, thereās still god looming over him and tanrak
but barth is done letting men control his life
now, female figures remind him of his mother
and heās met with sweet memories that cause pain because of course, he misses his mother so very much. she sacrificed her own freedom to protect him, so they could be free from that oppressive man. the lighting and music in this scene speak of no resentment, just longing
his motherās love is the only real, powerful thing thatās ever made a difference in barthās life. no god, no prayer, no faith has ever done for him what she has
as for tanrak, his mother literally named him after the holy motherās love. he is a symbol of her love
fitting for a boy who will choose love to be the very symbol of it
also, in episode 2 when theyāre talking in this garden, barth says this
and sure enough, the next time we see tanrak there, barth goes after him
and the holy mother watches as they confess to each other, as they say they want to be together for life
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