Musings of A Wandering Mind

If I think it, I post it.

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Red wire. No GREEN!

If Explosive Ordinance Disposal actually worked the way Hollywood portrays it, there'd be A LOT of soiled underwear.

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I really don't like when people refer to me as a "lady killer".

I don't like what you're insinuating. Those deaths were completely natural...

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Just STAHP!

North Korea is starting to worry me with all this weapons testing.

They're going to screw around and wind up waking up some kaiju.

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Don't you see it? He's been hiding in plain sight!

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What In Damnation?!?

I've been told that my ways put me on the path to Hell. Quite honestly, I prefer the expressway.

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Random Breakfast Thought

I really don't get how eggs were ever classified as a "meat" in the Food Pyramid. I call bullshit. Screw you egg. You can't fool me. You taste horrible smothered in steak sauce.

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P.D.S.M.

Just saw a guy yell at, insult, and slap a slice of pizza before taking a bite and getting the most satisfied look on his face. As if this ONE thing was what it took to make his life complete. Either he's a bit off in the head or that pizza is into some kinky stuff.

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I'm going to kill myself...

Well no, not like that. It's likely going to be because I'm so accident prone. The likely scenario: Walking along and a pigeon shits in my eye, get grossed out and struggling to get bird droppings out of my eye, I trip over a masturbating hobo, stumble into a busy intersection, bounce of a half dozen cars, get on my feet and fall into an open manhole, break my arm and get bitten by plague rats, crawl out and make my way out of the street, finally get bird droppings out of my eye only to trip over the same masturbating hobo, hit the ground and get knocked out, only to get struck by lightning the next day and survive, then choke to death on a cheeseburger the same night. I know that's oddly specific, but that's probably how it's going to play out.

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I think I've had a breakthrough

You know there's a problem when you're compelled to correct spelling errors in restroom graffiti...

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Fire in the hole!

I had this super-weird dream where shoving glitter in your anus was the newest crazy ass fad. The expectation of course, was glittery rainbow farts, but why? The end result was sparkling turds.

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At least it's Hump Day...

Wake up. Breathing. Have pulse. Sigh. "Guess I'm going to work today".

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Moderation...

I've never really been one for overindulgence, but I think I might've went a little crazy and had too much of nothing.

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That was unexpected...

Really Death? Really? A restraining order? Seriously?

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Can't help ya man...

Been praying for Death. Finally got an answer: Death: "Sorry man, I've tried... several times. Apparently nobody wants you". Me: "Story of my life". Death "And afterlife." Me: "What?" Death: "What?"

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Into the abyss...

I don't sleep. I let the abyss take me... just a little bit. I'm not crazy... Or am I? Honestly, I don't know. Am I?

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I have reasons...

Cop that pulls me over: "Did you see that fucking dragon?!?" Me: "Uh... dragon?" Cop: "Why else would you be going so fast?" Me: "I was trying to catch that fucking leprechaun."