Summary: Soulmate au, where the first words your soulmate says to you are tattooed on your skin but Virgil does not have any words on him.
Pairings: Analogical, Moxiety, mentions of Ā Logince
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst and some Fluff
Warnings: light swearing, self-deprecation, negative thinking, crying, brief mention of scars and disabillityĀ
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In this world, everyone has a soulmate. Everyone except Virgil.
You see, he is not like everyone else. He was not born with the soul mark promising that somewhere in this big, uncaring world, there is a person that fits just right. Someone that completes you and brings warmth and happiness. A compliment to your soul.
Maybe Virgil simply has no soul. How else could you explain the lack of words on his skin, that were supposed to be there from birth. The first words his soulmate would say to him should be permanently engraved on his body somewhere, but there were none, therefore he was doomed to be alone for all eternity and the only reason he could think of, why he deserved such a fate, was an absence of a soul.
His parents and friends tried to convince him otherwise, Virgil was not a bad person after all. He was not cruel or mean, maybe a little shy but other than that a normal human being.
On the other hand, even really bad people, like murders had soul marks. Why was he different? He didnāt want to be.
Since he learned to write, he developed the habit of Ā creating his own soul mark, write sweet greetings on his wrist and pretend that they have been there since the start. He always cried, when he watched them fade under the relentless water from his shower. Do you know this feeling, when you wake up in the morning, your head still fuzzy from when you drowned your common sense in alcohol the night before and stumble into the bathroom, only to find a picture or some nonsense on your skin? You scrub until the spot turns red and aches and all the while you pray that it is not a permanent mistake? Well, Virgil felt like this every time he steps into the shower, but in reverse.
Until he was about 14, every night as he stood naked in front of his mirror, he desperately wished for the words to appear. Maybe they were just really small and he had previously overlooked them? Ā He wanted to be a part of this world, wanted to dream about how his soul mate would be, theorize how they would meet and ultimately be happy. But no, his skin stayed unmarked.
He couldnāt tell how often he cried because of it any more, forgot how often he rushed to a window whenever there was a rainbow outside or a shooting star or anything he could wish upon. Countless times. So many dandelion seeds have been wasted on a person that doesnāt exist.
At some point he just stopped. Maybe it was right before he had to blow out the sixteen candles on his birthday cake, that he decided he would accept it. No more tears, no more wishes, no more hope. The cake had tasted very bitter, that day.
So his teenage years had been spent alone. He grew to hate this faulty system, he was forced to live under. He had never done anything bad that would justify this fate. But maybe the universe was just cruel. Or didnāt care about him at all. Maybe he was not supposed to exist. He was convinced, there was no happiness left for him. Everyone else had used it up and now the world had nothing left to offer for him.
He stayed convinced until he met Logan.
Virgil had been sitting in a dark corner of a library and had been lost in a book. Only as it grew dark around him and he could not see the words any longer, did he realise that he had been forgotten. His mind had been occupied with the subject matter and he had stayed until past closing hours. No one had bothered to inform him, therefore he hadnāt bothered to hide the tears as he clutched the book to his chest and buried his face in his knees.
The tall, handsome stranger with sparkling blue eyes framed by thick glasses was not noticed until he had crouched down in front of Virgil and tapped his shoulder. The sobs, that had filled the empty halls immediately died down at the gentle words directed at him and his confusion got stuck in his throat.
āThe Stars are millions of light years away and still, I can see them in your eyes right now.ā God, how he wished to have these words on him, just like those hands offering him a tissue.
He hadnāt been surprised by the poetic ring to the strangers voice, everyone tried to put a lot of meaning into the first words they exchanged with anyone, to ensure their soulmate would have something nice on them. It was permanent after all. Virgil had developed this habit alongside his friends but secretly despised it. It didnāt matter what he said, no one would have to deal with his words on their skin anyway. Considering this, he found himself pleasantly surprised by the warmth that spread in his chest.
āW-well, yours look like they are filled with ocean water because they are just as deep and mysterious.ā
The man had just laughed and loosened his tie, so that he was able to pull the black shirt aside and reveal the cursive words written right above his collar bone.
Virgil feared his heart would rip out of his chest with how hard it had been beating in this moment but as soon as he stranger spoke again, it stuttered and he was feeling like he was drowning in those eyes, that would never be his.
āThat was way nicer than āmove nerd, Iām too pretty to dieā. My name is Logan, would you like to defy this so called destiny with me and let me buy you a coffee some time?ā
Virgil had been hesitant at first. He was setting himself up for heart brake with this. The Man in front of him belonged to someone else. He had his soulmate, his future, his happiness. But how could he deny his request if he was already able to feel himself falling in love?
They had their little coffee date. And many more after that. They dated for three years and both of them had felt truly happy.
They liked to stay up late together and talk about books and music and space and kiss afterwards. They knew exactly how the other liked their coffee. Logan liked a little sugar in it, so that he could consume the caffeine more quickly and effectively and Virgil always had some milk mixed into, not because of the taste but because he was always afraid to burn his tongue and the cold liquid helped to cool it down quicker.
They knew what they had to do, to cheer each other up after a particularly bad day. Logan would wrap his partner into a soft blanket as soon as he saw the hunched over shoulders and the dull, defeated look in his eyes. They would just lay in bed together, knowing that the world had been too much, too overwhelming, no words were exchanged. Only gentle touches and a calm presence shielding him from his own thoughts until he fell asleep.
Virgil had took it upon himself to brush his lips over his boyfriends neck, whenever he could see a clenched jaw, red, tired eyes and a deadly grasp on whatever was close. Countless pencils were snapped in half when Logan was frustrated, but as soon as the writing utensil was replaced with gentle hands, he could feel himself relax. Virgil would just let him talk all his anger and frustration out, occasionally nodding, or giving some small input, but mostly just listening. When they were satisfied with how clear their minds had become, they would sit down together and watch a light-hearted TV show, until Logan learned how to smile again.
It had been enough for them, even though society told them that it was wrong, that the universe had more in store for them. Neither of them cared.
At the beginning, Virgil had been scared. Somewhere out there was his boyfriends soulmate. What would happen when they actually met? He doubted that their love was strong enough to actually fight fate but Logan told him he didnāt want this person in his life. He didnāt want his life being dictated by some invisible, nonsensical force. He told him, that with Virgil, he felt like he was in control for the first time in his life and that was better than anything this so called soul mate could offer him.
Virgil had believed him, had allowed himself to be vulnerable. He finally trusted Logan completely the day they got matching tattoos of their first words together as a last āfuck youā to the universe. Ā
The universe did not like that.
The day Logan met Roman, Virgil found himself crying again.
āI already said that I am sorry! Why wont you listen to me?ā The taller man had brushed the hair out of his face with a frustrated huff and watched as his boyfriend stuffed his things into a bag.
āBecause you promised, that this would never happened! You told me I was enough and I believed you, Logan!ā Virgil didnāt know where he would go, he just knew he had to leave.
āVirgil, you donāt understand, I can not do anything about this! Roman is infuriating and self-righteous and loud and yet I want to be close to him. Itās like we are magnets, complete opposites who attract each other. Neither of us has a choice in that matter but that doesnāt mean that anything I said to you is invalid. I still love you, Virgil, itās just that Roman isā¦ he isā¦ā
āHe is better than me.ā
Virgil stopped talking altogether after that. He moved out of their shared apartment and lived a quiet, lonely life, never looking up, always with music filling his ears.
Even though he could not be mad at Logan for too long, he didnāt want any more first words in his life. He had left his heart with the man with the ocean blue eyes and Virgil was certain he could not survive something like this again.
For the longest time he just wanted to disappear from this cruel, uncaring planet.
It was a sunny day as he was forced to talk again. The sky had been without clouds for a few hours now and Virgil was sitting in a park under a tree, just listening to music and watching the birds dance in the air. Do birds have soulmates as well or are they free from this kind of burden, just like they are free to fly high above all of this?
A young man with a bright smile and pale, sky blue eyes appeared in his field of vision. He was holding a bright yellow sunflower out to him and urged him silently to take it. It didnāt matter how much Virgil was shaking his head, the man was not backing down from his plan.
With a deep sigh, Virgil took of his large headphones that practically screamed āleave me aloneā and parted his lips. āI donāt need your sunshine, please just leave me be.ā
He watched as the flower dropped to the ground along with the smile on the strangers face. Only now could he see the faint scar wrapping itself around the manās throat. He first thought he had upset him but before he could say something else, the blue eyed man made hasty gestures with his hands and practically started bouncing up and down. It was quiet adorable, to be honest, if not utterly perplexing.
As Virgil shook his head in confusion, a notebook was pulled out, scribbled upon and shoved into his hands.
āHey, Iām Patton and I canāt talk but we are soulmates! Itās so exciting to finally meet you!ā
Virgil stared at the loopy handwriting and red the sentence over and over again until drops of something wet fell on it and smeared the ink. At first he had thought it was rain, but just like the strangers eyes, the sky was still cloudless.
Careful fingers cupped his face and lifted it up so that he could look at them again. Patton pulled at his shirt and revealed a few words in messy handwriting sprawled onto his shoulder blade.
With shaking fingers, Virgil traced the words that had just left his mouth on the soft skin.
Another note was handed to him. āYou looked kinda sad so I wanted to make you smile with one of my flowers. I hope you can accept my sunshine now.ā
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