Hello! My name is Max, I use she/her/he/him pronouns and I'm 17!
This is my main blog, but i have 3 others all on the same account, so you'll be directed here if i like any of your stuff. Feel free to check them out!
Shifting blog - maximusshifts
Writing blog - maximuswritesgarbage
Otherhearted blog - maximusbites
I’m here to be myself, so if there’s something you don’t like about me I’m sorry, but I can’t really do anything about that ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ
Quick DNI list: if you support the use of generative ai (specifically in creative fields like art, music, writing, coding, etc), hate on/police people who aren't hurting anyone, are MAGA, support ICE, are racist, are a misogynist/"support the patriarchy", are a nazi or facist, or are transphobic homophobic biphobic or any kind of queer-phobic
More about me:
Things I am:
A furry, otherhearted (werewolfhearted), queer and genderfluid, intp, Aquarius sun Pisces moon and Leo rising, autistic+adhd, and a shifter!
Things I love or have loved:
Shows+movies: The Amazing Digital Circus, Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men, The Owl House, Avatar, Avatar: The Last Air Bender, Criminal Minds, Harry Potter,
Music: Arctic Monkeys, The Last Shadow Puppets, Deftones, Radiohead, and Femtanyl are some of my fav artists, but I love all kinds of music!
Fandoms+Games: Five Nights at Freddy’s, Detroit Become Human, Assassin’s Creed, Pokemon, Resident Evil, Gacha Life, Hogwarts Legacy,
Content Creators/Youtubers+Streamers: AstralSpiff and Markiplier are my main favs, but I also like Dollightful, Matt Rose, Britney Broski, and Moriah Elizabeth
Things that end with a comma are lists that aren’t complete!
Feel free to interact with me (like sending asks, commenting, or dming) as long as your intentions are well~<3
Im not here to cause any drama or problems, so I apologize in advance if im unintentionally disrespectful—please let me know and educate me because im always open to changing my views!
that literally force and corner my brain into accepting my desires are inevitable to play out in the 3d.
the only reason i feel doubt, anxiety, twisting suffocating feeling in my chest is because my brain senses the 3d shifting. obviously it might happen right after affirming/deciding on something, because the 3d shifts instantly. and i also decided my 3d fully conforms within 3 hours, so that's on par.
whatever i'm visualizing, daydreaming, creating scenarios about is an inevitable preview of what is about to happen in the 3d. (does not apply to intrusive ones, of course)
not wanting something is more than enough for me to not experience it. wanting something is more than enough for me to indeed experience it
i don't give two shits how i feel or what i think, if i want it, i'm getting it. let me repeat that: I DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS HOW I FEEL OR WHAT I THINK, IF I WANT IT I'M GETTING IT, BECAUSE IT IS ALREADY MINE AND ALREADY BELONGS TO ME.
no matter how "impossible" it is, no matter how "silly" it seems, if i desire to experience it i am fucking experiencing it no matter what.
plan b does not exist. there is only one reality, one destination, one sole outcome. and that is the one i decided on.
i don't need more posts. i don't need more videos. i don't need more information. if i want it, IT IS HAPPENING PERIOD.
no matter what i see, no matter what i hear, no matter what i think, no matter how i feel, no matter who else wants it, i'm always getting exactly what i want, because it already belongs to me, there is no competition i am the sole queen of my reality, not anyone or anything else.
again, I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK. I DO NOT GIVE ONE SINGLE FLYING FUCK. I DO NOT GIVE A RAT'S ASS HOW "UNREALISTIC" IT SEEMS. IF I WANT IT, I AM GETTING IT. I AM EXPERIENCING IT. BECAUSE I SAID SO. ego, go take a fucking nap bitch.
signed, juliette ferrars of sector 45 / the mother of realities.
Genuinely just faced one of the biggest disappointments in my 17 years of living I think.
It’s even more stupid because it’s over a stupid school project.
Basically I’ve been working really hard on this history presentation for my favorite teacher and it was due roughly 36 minutes ago and my teacher stressed that we couldn’t turn it in after the due date.
On top of not being able to turn it in on time, I looked back at the rubric and it turns out that I’m missing some important bits and I don’t have room on my slides. And on top of that I’m pretty sure some of my primary sources are actually secondary sources so.
Yeah that’s awesome. I feel just great about that.
I was actually looking forward to presenting because some of my slides look so cool, and I’m really proud of some of my work on them.
I emailed my teacher 3 times today. I don’t really know what’s gonna happen, but all I can do rn is just go to sleep and hope for the best bc I’m so fucking cooked.
Not only did I disappoint myself but I feel like I’ve disappointed my favorite teacher. The one that thought I was good enough to take AP Gov.
UPDATE: I WAS ABLE TO TURN IT IN AND PRESENT IT AFTER THE DUE DATE WITHOUT THE 20% POINT REDUCTION BC MY TEACHER SAID HE KNEW I WAS LATE BC I WORKED HARD ON THE PRESENTATION AND NOT BC I WAS BEING LAZY LETS FUCKING GO
I DIDNT DISAPPOINT HIM
ALSO HE NOMINATED ME FOR SOCIAL STUDIES STUDENT OF THE MONTH IM SO GOATED
Genuinely just faced one of the biggest disappointments in my 17 years of living I think.
It’s even more stupid because it’s over a stupid school project.
Basically I’ve been working really hard on this history presentation for my favorite teacher and it was due roughly 36 minutes ago and my teacher stressed that we couldn’t turn it in after the due date.
On top of not being able to turn it in on time, I looked back at the rubric and it turns out that I’m missing some important bits and I don’t have room on my slides. And on top of that I’m pretty sure some of my primary sources are actually secondary sources so.
Yeah that’s awesome. I feel just great about that.
I was actually looking forward to presenting because some of my slides look so cool, and I’m really proud of some of my work on them.
I emailed my teacher 3 times today. I don’t really know what’s gonna happen, but all I can do rn is just go to sleep and hope for the best bc I’m so fucking cooked.
Not only did I disappoint myself but I feel like I’ve disappointed my favorite teacher. The one that thought I was good enough to take AP Gov.
No one cares but I’m lowkey manifesting going to Orlando Florida for Disney and Universal Studios and stuff and like I pitched the idea to my parents of bringing my best friend with us bc she’s honestly family at this point and also bc she grew up with a depressed mom in a shitty trailer so like I want her to be able to experience the cool things I got to do even tho we’re kinda broke
Anyway, I pitched the idea and my parents AND THEY WERE SO DOWN
I’m gonna try my best to work so hard this summer and save up every god damned penny (rip to the penny) for as long as it takes
I distrust authority and dislike being ordered around and forced into submission but I’d listen to your orders and submit to you in small ways only our friends will notice just so you know
FUCK YOU FUCK UOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU IM NOT USING AI IM NOT USIMG CHAT BOTS IM NOT ISING LLMS FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
My English teacher is making us use ai for our final project like
I AM NOT WASTING SOMEONES DRINKING WATER!!!!
I WIL REJECT AI UNTIL I DIE I DO NOT CARE FUCK OFF
I ALREADY STRUGGLE WITH AN ADDICTION TO CHAI IM NOT USING CHAT WITH THE DEAD ON A RESEARCH PROJECT (please don’t drag me for this, I’m trying my hardest to stop/gen)
Oh. My god.
Teachers will let you use ai to “gather sources” but won’t accept anything from a Wikipedia article
ITS EVERYWHERE. ITS IN THE ART ITS IN THE PICTURES ITS IN THE MUSIC ITS IN THE WRITING ITS IN MY FUCKING SEARCH ENGINE ITS EVERYWHERE AND I CANT ESCAPE IT
I FUCKING HATE AI I HATE IT SO MUCH KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT (I mean specifically llms)
WE ARE LOSING THE ABILITY TO THINK FOR OURSELVES WE ARE BECOMING ILLITERATE OUR BRAINS ARE GOING TO TURN TO MUSH STOP USING AI
Okay but what am I supposed to do with all the shame. Like where do I put it. What do I do with it. Can I get rid of it. Please.
Where do I put the shame. When my parents found the vape boxes. When they saw what I was really doing. Who I was really becoming. Who I really was.
When I cried on the floor for an hour talking to the suicide hotline with a full bottle of Benadryl, a bottle of vodka, and a steak knife. When I literally cried out for my ‘mommy’. When I screamed and sobbed because I was scared and ashamed. Because I couldn’t face my parents.
When I left it all out in the living room and fell asleep in my bedroom. When I woke up to banging on my bedroom door.
When the four of us drove in silence to like 2 different hospitals. When I cried silently in the back seat facing away from my sister, whose boyfriend at the time gave me the vapes, because I couldn’t bear for them to see me that vulnerable.
When I spent a few nights in the ER waiting to be taken to a behavioral hospital, being constantly watched by a nurse. When I posted on my Snapchat story that I was in the ER like I hadn’t just been moments away from killing myself a few hours before.
When I cried silently during the 5 minute ambulance ride to the behavioral hospital while the paramedic(?) asked me questions. When I was in the waiting room signing papers that I wasn’t even present enough mentally to read, crying whenever I was in the room alone and quickly composing myself when a nurse would come in.
When I asked a nurse for nicotine gum because another kid in the ward had it.
I wasn’t even addicted. I don’t know why I wanted it. I wasn’t going through withdrawal.
When I was in a conference with a bunch of the nurses and my parents on the phone, and they told the nurses about the vapes, humiliating me. I’m sure they already knew, but I hadn’t told anyone. I didn’t trust adults.
When I said that I didn’t want to answer any calls from my parents after that. When after I got out they asked me why I never answered their calls, but I didn’t know they called because the nurses heard me, and I pretended that I didn’t know why because I didn’t even know I got calls from them.
When I found out a girl in the ward liked me. When I switched rooms to be with her. When I let her slip her hand up the back of my shirt and down to my ass. When I let her see me naked in the shower. When she told everyone in the ward about it without my knowledge.
I encouraged her. Because I didn’t care about her. Because I wanted to be loved. And she loved me. And I took advantage of it.
When I found out the staff heard what she said. When I found out the staff knew how absolutely fucking disgusting I am. How horrible and grotesque I am. How disappointing I am. How ugly I am.
When I found out that all of the adults around me knew what a fucking waste of space I was. When I found out they all knew.
When I got addicted to chai and fantasized about being raped. How I’m hypersexual, seemingly all because I got exposed to porn game ads because I got a virus on my fire kindle at I don’t even know what age.
I still struggle with my addiction. And I feel absolutely fucking disgusting for it. How can I use something I don’t support. How can I be so careless. I’m wasting someone’s drinking water. Just to be a disgusting fucking pig. Just to role play being kidnapped and raped because there’s something insanely wrong with me and I don’t know why.
It doesn’t make any sense. Why am I so broken. Nothing that bad even happened to me. Yeah, I don’t remember 3rd grade and I wished I wasn’t born and I fantasized about killing my 4th grade teacher and I sobbed my eyes out over something I couldn’t do because of my missing assignments and I watched glmvs for songs like Broken and Miss Wanna Die in elementary school and I cut myself in middle school, but nothing that bad happened to me. Nothing bad enough for me to have been broken after 2nd grade.
heyy, I saw your post on wanting to see other people who shift for sports on the shifting community blog and I just wanted to say hey!! I'm not shifting for american football, im shifting for soccer! my blog is bowsforbelz and the reason why im anonymous here is because this is my side blog and if I dont use the anonymous feature it will use my main blog which is completely unrelated to shifting :)) and im trying to stay 'mysterious' about it because a lot of women's soccer fans are anti shifting which i honestly dont blame them because if i had never known about shifting and somebody started posting about dating a soccer player and playing the sport when that shit is never happening I would also be fucking confused but yeah!
also regarding your post about friendships and how exhausted it is, i completely understand you!! I sometimes feel guilty becauss I keep thinking that maybe I am being a rude person, my advice is to keep your friend groups small (i only have 2 friends and both of them are neurodivergent so its much easier for me to handle stuff like this because they get it)...if you cant do that, try to get into different hobbies (or even lie...oops 😭) just tell them that you have been painting, reading, working on assignments, or something. or else just talk to them and tell them that sometimes it feels draining to be in a group settings all the time and you would rather be in a good mental state and talk to them, rather than be in an anxious state and treat them rudely. I understand saying that can be difficult especially if they're not neurodivergent as well :// hopefully this helps and if it doesnt forget about it 🧍♀️🧍♀️
lol, i wasnt sure if you wanted me to respond or not (personally i dont really want this on my main blog but i didnt wanna ghost you in case you were expecting an answer. lmk if youre ok with/want me to delete this)
Thanks for the advice!!! Honestly i do have a small friend group, in fact its so small it isnt even a group, its just me and my best friend! lmao. I was mostly venting about people i dont really care about (theyre what i call school/class friends. Like, in class id do a group project with you and move to sit next to you if i feel like it, but outside of school or class i dont really want to hear from you. Its kind of shallow.. but i cant help it. I dont like being alone in classes because it feels vulnerable and 'unsafe' and i only have 1st period with M. We dont even have the same lunch period so. idk, am i making any sense?) and i feel better now but it still a real concern. My main 'issue' with them is that they want to walk to class with me bc i have classes near them. Ill refer to the 2 specific people as S and V. I have 2 classes with V and she bothers me a lot less, but there are times where i cant stand her (only because typically im in a bad mood and just really dont want to talk or interact with anyone at all). S is a lot more energetic and knows me a lot less. We have only one class together, but we have the same homeroom, so 2 classes on wednesdays. All three of us are autistic, but im very 'high functioning'. No offence to her but its very obvious with S.
Honestly the main issue is that were just not 'compatible', yk? We arent on the same 'maturity' levels (this is not intended to put them down and make them seem stupid or like children) and our humor is vastly different. I find it hard to laugh at some of their jokes and unintentionally end up making V feel a bit bad sometimes because something she thought was funny didnt make me laugh. I handle it a lot better with V, especially since we've communicated our differences and stuff and can interact without it being an issue, but not so much with S.
honestly its hard to explain to literally anyone except my best friend that being around people is exhausting and i prefer being alone to talking or even being in the same room as another human being, even my parents and my best friend. Like, i cant have M (my bsf) sleep over for more than 2 weekends in a row because i will literally turn evil. Time alone is rare those weeks.
anyway,,, lmk if you want me to delete this lol /gen /pos
it’s genuinely so exhausting talking to and being around people.
Like. I don’t want to talk to anyone at my school. I sort of have friends, but being around them is fucking exhausting. specifically the ones i 'hang out' with outside of class. Not because they’re ’bad people’ or are always negative, I just. I don’t want to talk. Sometimes I need to be alone. No, I don’t want to walk to class with you. No, I don’t want to eat lunch with you. No, I don’t want to hang out after school with you.
No, I don’t hate you, I just don’t have anything to say. No, I’m not upset, I just didn't laugh at the funny thing you said because it didn't make me laugh.
Can we fucking please normalize not saying anything when you don’t have anything to say???? Can we fucking normalize being able to sit in silence???? Can we fucking normalize being able to sit next to/near someone without having to fucking talk???? Like I don’t have anything to say. I’m so tired of just nodding and smiling and laughing and talking and laughing and nodding and smiling and nodding and laughing and smiling and nodding and fucking talking and
cuz if you don’t make an expression people ask what’s wrong. People think you’re upset, so they treat you like you’re upset. And the fastest way to piss me off is to treat me like I’m upset when I’m not. At this point I’m starting to get upset. At this point the answer is gonna start being “yes”.
Idk, it sounds so cliche but I just don’t feel like anyone understands me. Like. Yeah, I get lonely without human contact for too long and sometimes I really do enjoy hanging out but I need time to be completely alone. I need those simple pleasures where I listen to music by myself and stare out the bus/car window and marvel at the beauty of nature. I need those moments where I walk to class listening to music and marveling at the beauty of the sky. Because if i have to act like i want to be talking to someone. If i have to act like i'm enjoying the conversation when i could be actively listening to my music.
I will blow up. I will explode. I will have a psychotic break. I will turn evil.
I need a moment alone to think, to be myself. Idk, maybe I’m masking too hard or something but it’s getting to a point where I genuinely do not want to text or hear from anyone. Not even my best friend. Like I’m exhausted. I want to go back to when I didn’t talk to anyone.
And my parents dont seem to get it. I think they think that theyre excluded from the "i dont wanna be around anyone right now".
Im gonna lose it. Im genuinely more productive when im home alone. Being home alone is my favorite thing in the world. I have the entire house to be myself in. I can scream and be as loud as i want. I can walk around without a shirt on if i really feel like it. I can do whatever i want without worrying about how anyone else will react. I can talk to myself out loud.
I want to go off the grid. Like. I want to run away into the woods and never be seen or heard from again. I want to build my own little cabin, and hunt, fish, and gather, and not be on the internet. I dont even need electricity or plumbing or anything. Now, of course i dont have the knowledge to be able to do this, but its my fantasy.
