vent space

spot to vent to no one i know

[maxx-vvents]

hey yall yhis is just a spot to vent where no one i know can see

cause sometimes i just gotta vent anonymously

also i know some people want the same. if you guys need that, please use my ask inbox to do so <3 ill be here as an anonymous and you can too

[maxx-vvents]

oh uh also i didnt vent about it since i wasnt really upset, but my partner broke up with me

on my birthday

it was months ago, but i could hardly care past the next day. i knew it was coming and she was awful to me the last few months of our relationship

sorry for sending you on all expense paid trips and talking loudly in public sometimes. and how dare i have had the audacity to ask you to come in an uber with me because i didnt want to go in one alone. at night. in a big city.

hope im one of your crazy exes

[maxx-vvents]

hi all

ive been relatively ok

we got a dog thats the same breed as my dog that died two years ago. i love him so much because his face looks just like hers. he has so much love for me and its like having her again

but

im upset because my mom wants to get rid of him. she wont say it bluntly, but she's insinuating the idea of getting rid of him. im so upset about it because he makes me so happy

its even worse because she was the one that brought home a goldendoodle despite my insistence we dont get one. its the size of a horse and barks constantly because my parents dont have an active enough life style to take care of it properly. he takes food off the counter and is an overall menace. my mom loves him more than she loves me

for her to want to get rid of MY dog for what? he barely barks. he's not even been here a week and she's upset that he's been trying to become the alpha of our dogs? he's fucking intact and one and a half- of course he's going to do that

i already lost my last boston while i was working. i couldnt even say bye to her. how fucking dare you try to get rid of this one?

[maxx-vvents]

im really struggling with my lack of empathy right now. i feel like its unhealthy to not care about anyone or anything like this, but i dont know what to do

after the last time at the therapist, i dont trust them anymore. i feel like it wouldnt be good especially for something like this too

[maxx-vvents]

Sorry for coming into your inbox and venting like this. I hope you didn't mind this

dont apologize- thats why i have my inbox open 🩵

[maxx-vvents]

I'm a teenager, I recently told my parents about my bad eyesight and they're really sad. It's -4 and -3.5. I knew they'd be mad, my relatives would scold me sm. But what's worse is hearing my grandma sad.She called me and was clearly really saddened by the news.I love her sm. Idk what to say to her even.Such a simple problem, but here I am with my parents who literally scolded me for years and years that they'd throw me out if my eyesight would be bad. I just wanna jump into a void rn

i hear you man. i think your parents are being unreasonable by scolding you for something you cant really control like bad eyesight, but i understand that its hard to not highly value your family members opinions like that and take it to heart.

hearing family members be upset is something that really sticks with people. i know its going to be rough, but i know you'll be able to push through this along with your grandma. i think your parents will need time to think through and reevaluate themselves.

everything will be ok 🩵

[maxx-vvents]

so i almost got hit by a car today

it was a little scary, but i otherwise can only think about who would've been legally at fault since the car that almost hit me couldnt see me. i was on a crosswalk, so it wasnt my fault. there was a car blocking me from getting a clear view from the side the car came from, so what would happen in a court of law?

i attempted talking to my partner about this, but they seemed to think i was scared for my life. in reality, i was realizing that i didnt really care if i were to get hit and die there

im not a sad person like that. im not going to do anything, but i do kind of worry that i didnt get scared and value my life like that. of course i didnt mention that to my partner. i dont want them to know that since they got a lot on their plate already

[maxx-vvents]

i dont know why, but social situations in my home really scare me

i dont just mean when im in them (that too though) but i mean hearing social situations when im just chilling in my room

roommates with friends over just talking? panic. i cannot leave my room now because im so scared. i dont know what of. i just cant even bring myself to go to the bathroom because i get so scared

i dont know why im like this ugh im just so scared and panicked

[maxx-vvents]

but on that note, how do people get comforted??? i dont understand how people can do that.

like if i need comfort and told everything will be ok, i always spiral and will be like 'but what if-' 'but it doesnt-' 'but it wont-' and it just leaves me uncomforted and the person trying to comfort me being frustrated. this is a genuine call for help- how do people do that?

how do people be like "maybe youre right! i feel better!" when faced there. i dont understand it. but i also dont understand emotional intelligence in general i think. emotions suck and are weird.

[maxx-vvents]

i finally was able to contact my partner. they said they didn't realize what day it was and had a gift for me and everything planned

which is nice

but i still feel bad even though i know that its a valid excuse??

[maxx-vvents]

im a bit upset. todays my birthday, but my partner hasnt said a word to me all day. nothing.

no short call or text. nothing.

it only hurts so much because i can see them posting about other things.

did they forget? do they not care?

i tried calling them a second ago, but they didnt pick up. im beyond upset.

[maxx-vvents]

i miss the con so much

it was like i had friends and i could talk about what i wanted without fear of being judged or anything

i dont have any real life friends and not really any online friends aside from my partners, who have been distant and busy with other friends

it was nice to be with people and talk about what i like without being judged

[maxx-vvents]

this isnt, like, much of a vent or anything

but i just realized that people are racist to hispanic people (im cuban)

like im visiting my brother in a nowhere town. hes moving soon because this town is very white and filled with racist republicans.

its not really something i think about since i grew up in south florida- surrounded by accepting people that dont think twice about your ethnicity or race. to think my ethnicity matters to people is really weird since i never took that into account for how people see me.

[maxx-vvents]

i dont know why, but ive been really apathetic. ive always had trouble making others feel better and really having their feelings stick with me, but it's been happening more often that i just dont care about them or their situation

like i know theyre in a bad situation and i feel bad for them, but i cant bring myself to genuinely care or spend more than a minute trying to find the right words

i talked to my girlfriend about this issue and she said im probably a sociopath. i dont think so. im apathetic but i dont think the other descriptors fit me.

i feel like this is something else caused by my epilepsy, but i dont remember things well from before my first seizure, so i dont know if i was always like this. i know i had a personality shift (only because my family pointed it out) but i dont know how i acted before. i dont remember how i acted from before my first seizure when i was 14.

which is scary to think about

[maxx-vvents]

my partner has been away from me for so long. its been pretty much all year of them just being distant

before it was because of commissions but they got into a big friend group recently and has been hanging out with them

they say theyre trying to hang out with me more, but even the rare occasion where we do hang out its just not the same. its constantly about their friends. ive tried connecting and asking to hang out in vr with them, but its always just "oh i might not go on today" or "oh i played all night, im probably gonna sleep all day". i try being understanding but its hard when it feels like they arent actually making an effort to hang out.

it also just is even worse because they are my only friend. i dont have other friends. and ive tried. i try connecting to mutuals on tikok, joining discords of people with similar interests, being active in them and on my socials. nothing works.

and its not a problem of me not connecting to others, its others not really connecting to me on a friend level. i dont really know what to do anymore about it