MOTION SICKNESS.

MAYA HIRSCH, freelance writer. i parked across the street from your house. the lights were on, the music got loud. i doubt you would've seen me, i hit from everybody. bet you wish you never met. i don't blame you, broke your every heartbeat.

[mayahirsch]

when you grow up in a burning house, you think the whole world is on fire. it’s not.

BIOGRAPHY  /  STATS  /  NAVIGATION  /  CONNECTIONS

ABOUT.

Song: Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers.

Full Name:  Maya Jean Hirsch.

Date of Birth:  December 20th, 1985.

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius sun, Gemini moon, Pisces rising.

Gender / Pronouns:  Cis Woman / She/Her.

Place of Birth:  Long Island, New York.

Current Location: Parton, New York.

Sexual / Romantic Orientations:  Bisexual / Biromantic.

Religion:  Judaism.

Occupation:  Freelance Writer.

Secret: During her time in the city, Maya started an anonymous blog under the name “Mrs. Rot” where she publishes poetry and essays about herself, life, and the people she encounters. The blog grew popular quickly, much to Maya’s surprise.

QUICK OVERVIEW.

TRIGGER WARNINGS:  abuse, parental abuse, neglect, mental health, pregnancy, miscarriage.

Maya grew up in a very abusive household, both emotional and physical.

She’s the oldest out of four siblings, so she was always the protector, shielding her siblings from their parents.

Growing up, Maya was always quite lazy. She didn’t like change and had a hard time dealing with herself in social situations which stunted her personal growth, making her somewhat of a late bloomer compared to others her age.

She only ever left the nest when she was around 26 after saving up enough money at her retail job on Long Island to move to Brooklyn.

From there, Maya was a little helpless. She was often asking family members for money to make ends meet and worked a few more stagnant jobs here and there. Bartending, office work, etc.

Eventually, she got some freelance writing jobs at places like Buzzfeed and Teen Vogue. The work wasn’t entirely fulfilling but it paid the bills.

Over time, still doing various freelance work for different media outlets, she met a director over at CNN. She had shown him some pieces she wrote that weren’t published, one in particular about being a child of abuse, and he loved it. He sent it to a friend of his at The New York Times and it became an online published work for the publication 4 weeks later.

This resulted in many other more high profile pieces from Maya. she interviewed senators, victims of abuse, musicians, socialites, and everyone in between for various media outlets over the next few years.

But, of course, Maya being Maya, she started to get bored, and started to hit the dating scene again after years of mindless affairs and flings. She met a decent man, someone she could trust and talk to. Though, despite most of her progress in life, Maya remained a sheltered individual and never took it all the way with this man, which often got frustrating for him. The constant wobbly foundation of their barely-there relationship only became rockier when Maya found out she was pregnant and completely unaware of who the father was.

Maya had a miscarriage a month after finding out. She doesn’t tell anyone and

Because of this, New York started to feel tainted. So, Maya up and moved to Paris as a means for an escape and a fresh start. Maya was both saddened and relieved though told nobody about what happened aside from her best friend. It eventually became a small blip, something she wrapped up and buried, never to be seen or tampered with again. 

Eventually, Maya grows overwhelmed by Brooklyn and city living and decides to move to the town of Parton, just forty-five minutes away from the city. This allows Maya to have a fresh start without having to give up career opportunities.

[mayahirsch]

starter for:  @jayymorss​. location:  parton’s local movie theater.

Usually, Maya went to the movies alone. It’s something her parents used to tease her for. But back then, it was one of the only thing she could do to gain some kind of independence or freedom. So, when her mother would look at her with distaste, asking the question “who goes to the movies alone?”, Maya came back simply. I do.

Today was different, though. She invited Jay to come along, mostly as a makeshift apology for acting so weird at the festival weeks ago. In truth, Maya had found herself slightly avoiding him ever since, mostly out of embarrassment that she couldn’t quite shake. So, here she was, sat next to Jay while two high profile celebrities kiss on a large screen. 

“This movie is actually kinda terrible.” Maya whispers into the air, turning her head towards him a tad. “I thought a romcom would be like, fun or something.” Laughter weaves through her breathy words. It was a weekday matinee, so it was only them there, an old lady, and a teenage couple shoved in the back. Maya doubts they’re actually watching the film. “You think we can sneak into a better one?”

[mayahirsch]

starter for:  @sagecarsons​. location:  maya’s home.

“We need more representation for those of us with like, giant areolas.” Maya says to her reflection, her head canted to the side. She was trying to find a dress to wear out tonight. She sifts through a couple, some of which she has to adjust her bra, at times getting a glimpse at “what she’s working with”, as Maya would say. Maya holds up two different dresses to her body, one black and one a deep green. Her gaze shifts, looking to Sage through the mirror. “Sage?” She questions with an air of humor to her tone. Her friend was obviously a little preoccupied, distant. Or at least that’s what Maya assumes. Maya’s lips purse in thought, tossing the dresses back onto her bed that was covered in piles of clothes. She then pads out into the kitchen, plucking a bottle of wine from her fridge before grabbing two glasses. She tosses some ice into hers before heading back into her bedroom. 

“Don’t make fun of me for putting ice in my wine. I’m old, leave me be.” Maya says, handing the glass to Sage. She plops down on the ground next to the bed where Sage was. “Alright, I’m ready. What’s on your mind?”

[mayahirsch]

stater for:  @j0rdan--dallas​ location:  outside of wendy’s.

The skin surrounding Maya’s thumbs were wrecked. The exposed, torn skin stings as she runs her hands under cold water, hoping that this ease the pain before she gets home. She had no Band-Aids in her purse, strangely enough, despite her being someone who often carries everything around. Perhaps it was just one of those days where everything goes wrong. 

“Do you guys still have the little like, what are they called, the little milkshakes?” The curly-haired woman asks once she’s back out into the eatery. The cashier nods with a polite smile despite being a little dead behind the eyes. Maya can only imagine. Maybe it’s been a long day for everyone. “Cool. Can I get one of those? Chocolate, please.” Maya replies, shoving her hands into the pockets attached to her hoodie. 

She didn’t want to go home just yet. So, Maya plops down on the curb, soaking in the night air as she shoves a spoon into her milkshake. Her eyes glance about her surroundings before they land upon a familiar face. A face she hasn’t seen in quite a while, truth be told. “Jordan?!” Maya calls out from across the parking lot. She doesn’t mean to be so loud, it sort of just slips right out of her. After the face, her cheeks burn a bright shade of pink. “Shit, I didn’t mean to scream at you like that. It’s like my body acted before my brain had a say..”

[mayahirsch]

maisie carver. 

between working two time consuming jobs, maisie didn’t always had time to go grocery shopping. more often than not she’d order in or eat in the sagittarius, sometimes even going to some of her fire house’s colleagues’ houses for a dinner or two in the week. it was no surprise when she had woken up from a nap after a long shift and her fridge was empty. it was time to be an adult and get her life together. that started with buying food. her list was long, just like the thoughts in her head, so she didn’t see the cart in her direction until it was too late.

“shi—” the swear word got lost in her throat as soon as she laid eyes on the woman in front of her. it had been a while since she had seen maya. it was impossible to pretend everything was alright when she was overworked, hungry and facing the recent heartbreak of her life. “yeah, i’m, ahm,” her eyes fell down, as if she needed to check herself. she was unharmed, physically at least. “it’s all good.” she smiled apologetically. she didn’t have anything to apologise for and yet, seeing her ex girlfriend brought back feelings that she thought she had moved on from. maisie was good at moving on — if moving on felt anything like running and ignoring the past. “how- how are you? you haven’t come to sag’s in a while.” could she blame her?

There was a part of Maya that marveled in the wake of her own self-destruction, especially when it stemmed from a romantic endeavor. Because, really, Maya only enjoyed the idea of these things. The idea of love, the idea of heart-pumping romance. And the idea was great, wrapped in daydream sequences that make Maya lie awake at night, filled with with desire. But when her daydreams became reality and she was meant to indulge in all the things she was meant to want and need, she often fell apart. And, unfortunately, Maisie got caught in the crossfire of her failed attempts. Maya might never be able to shake that guilt. 

“Oh, yeah, um,” Maya blurts out, motioning with her hand. She does everything in her power to muster the right words, but nothing truly coherent comes. So, she pulls something right from out of her ass. “I’ve been taking a break from drinking, actually.” Maya says, hoping that lying through her teeth will suffice. The truth of the matter was that Maya couldn’t be around Maisie without feeling like her heart was about to burst. The brunette clears her throat, hoping that the action might help ground her, because suddenly she feels as though she’s floating above her body and all she could do is watch herself act like a fool. And Maisie was still Maisie, beautiful and kind enough to not spit in Maya’s face and go about her day. “I’m good, though. Just...craving cereal.” She says with a laugh then, her head nodding to the boxes of cereal in her cart. Her dark eyes avert to Maisie once more, her gaze scanning her expression for a moment. “How are you? If you don’t mind me asking, of course. I didn’t see you during the festival, so I assumed you were working.”

[mayahirsch]

lila cael. 

the only part of valentine’s day that lila looks forward to is the sales. whether it’s chocolate or flowers or just crappy little decorations she can repurpose, she gets a little eager to snatch up what she can when she can. it’s why she’s wandering about ON valentine’s day, seeing what could be up for grabs and maybe even splurging if something really catches her eye… but she’s hoping to find a few bits to bring to class so this really isn’t a me moment. still, she’s a materialistic shopaholic, sometimes it just happens.

she’s really not expecting to be spoken to today, secretly hoping that’s the case but then there’s a red rose right in front of her, being offered out to her… eyes dart to the woman in question then back down at the flower before she accepts it. there’s a realisation she definitely wouldn’t’ve if it was some random guy instead. but oh,  the power of women. “ thanks. ” lila says a little bit unsure, just because it’s never happened to her really before, even in new york. well, maybe from a creep but that doesn’t count. “ um, i haven’t actually bought anything yet but… i might have something in my bag to give you ?  ” she offers in jest, a soft chuckle bouncing from her lips. 

Maya wouldn’t exactly consider herself a people person. Really, while in the presence of others, she usually tripped over her words as her desire to be liked was way more prominent than the desire to make a connection. And that makes for a daunting combination, Maya leaving most of not all social interactions feelings extremely drained. Though she tries to break from her usual habits today, even if it means stepping away from her comfort zone.

Her eyes wander before landing on the woman before her once more. One hand reaches out to swat the air nonchalantly. “No need to give anything in return. I thought I’d just do something nice for someone today, in case they needed it.” Maya says sincerely, the smile gracing her lips never faltering. She adjusts her thing of roses in her arms, repositioning them carefully. “I’m Maya, by the way. I probably should’ve lead with that.”

[mayahirsch]

ingrid solberg.

when: late morning monday

where: from eden thrift shop

status: closed to @mayahirsch​ 

Ingrid was in desperate need of new clothes. She had only come to Parton with what she’d had at the hospital and none of her faded jeans and old t-shirts screamed presentable. And she had realised last weekend at Parton Fest that she no longer owned the kinds of things she wanted to wear to parties or when she was trying to make a good impression.

She was rifling through the rails rather rapidly, scanning the price tags quickly, wondering when the hell thrifting got so expensive. Probably around the same time it had gotten fashionable.

“Oh,” she exclaimed as she felt something soft hit her foot. She looked down and saw a jacket had fallen to the ground. She glanced at the women next to her.

“Sorry, uh, is this yours?” she asked.

Clothes shopping, admittedly, is someone Maya did often. Though she was the kind of person who enjoyed fashion but never wore anything worthwhile regardless. She always opted for something a little more reasonable and comfortable, like an older sweater and a pair of mom jeans. She sifts through the racks at From Eden, looking for something decent to wear for an interview she had coming up. She was profiling an old actor who was finally making a comeback and she needed something decent for their dinner date in the city.

That’s when someone is speaking to her and Maya is quick to avert her gaze. Her expression brightens, her eyes darting towards the ground where her jacket resides. “There it is!” The woman exclaims, leaning down to pluck her jacket from the ground. “Thank you for telling me, most people would have just kicked it away.” Maya continues with a laugh. “Hey,” She begins again, looping her jacket through the strap of her bag. “Would you mind helping me pick out an outfit? I have something important coming up and I could really use someone else’s eye.”

[mayahirsch]

silas hale. 

      there was a beauty in haunting one’s work place when not at work, a sense of liminal space he enjoyed– or perhaps just to make sure situations weren’t arising without his active presence.  but the risky nature of lingering in the in-between was hearing voices call his name without source. one should never answer but always look. the huff of relief escaped him too quickly as he saw maya bounding toward him, with a closed grin growing bigger across his face as he moved to help lessen the people and space between them. 

      “ fancy seeing you out here, ” he greeted, eyes following her excited movement. for a moment, the street was empty, or at least felt empty for the intrigue of what was so important to show him. of course, he never knew what to expect with maya and nor did he care to– that was, that her spontaneity needn’t be marred with expectations or predictions of her person. it was purely her charm, and an aspect that felt close to home to silas that made his eyes smile as tightly as his lips as she produced the caps over her eyes.

      “ i get it, and i like it. this is the look, maya. you’re gonna have to make them into official glasses. they give you a wild-eye look: a little bit sporadic, a little bit intimidating. it suits you well, ” he commended. 

There was a smile hidden somewhere just behind his eyes, the kind that matched the tight-lipped nature of the one gracing his lips. It’s something, regardless of anything, and Maya assume she might as well take it. The bottle caps from her eyes fall, landing in her palm once more. In truth, Maya isn’t entire sure why she was so desperate to make Silas happy, or at least just smile or laugh. Maybe a part of her fears he might be withholding something, an unspoken sadness perhaps. And, in a way, that pained her, especially since she resonated with that assumed reasoning.

Either way, she chuckles, her head shaking. She leans in a little closer, her dark eyes locking with his. “Come on, not even a small cackle?” She teases, eyebrows quirking upwards. Her expression morphs into something more amused but still drenched in that same humorous, easy-going outer layer. “You’re a mystery to me, Silas Hale.” People begin to pass her, moving their way into the nightclub they were standing in front of. Most were already drunk and having a good time, smiling from ear to ear as if they might never get the chance again. And once the streets quiet again, party patrons moving themselves inside, Maya turns to Silas again. She takes another step forward. “Are you working tonight?” 

[mayahirsch]

alaska suwan.

alaska   was   at   the   flower   shop   ,   of   all   places   for   a   single   pringle   ,   for   a   friend   .   she   was   picking   up   their   flowers   as   they   were   currently   at   work   and   couldn’t   make   the   pickup   time   .   her   arms   held   a   bouquet   of   beautiful   roses   .   she   hadn’t   planned   on   picking   up   something   for   herself   but   the   strawberries   covered   in   chocolate   were   speaking   to   her   on   a   personal   level   .   

she   turned   ,   surprised   to   see   the   flower   held   out   to   her   .   a   blush   rose   to   her   cheeks   but   she   accepted   the   rose   .   “   t-thank   you   !   ”   she   replied   ,   her   mind   blanking   for   a   moment   .   it   wasn’t   everyday   someone   did   something   nice   .   “   and   happy   valentine’s   day   to   you   as   well   .   ”   she   paused   for   a   moment   ,   biting   her   lip   .   she   felt   as   though   she   should   say   something   more   .   “   if   you   wait   with   me   ,   i   can   return   the   favor   and   give   you   a   strawberry   covered   in   chocolate   .   ”

Sometimes Maya forgot how good it feels to simply give and to not expect a thing in return. Usually, she gave either too much or too little of herself, and that caused for an exhausting combination of emotions. Really, there was no true in between. Yet, this feels like an in between, somehow. Giving a rose to a strange just because she wanted to see someone else smile and have a good time today. Especially since Valentine’s day came with a list of tribulations that most couldn’t go through with grace. Maya, included.

“Of course,” The brunette replies kindly, the smile on her face growing. Maya thinks to turn away and bid her farewell, but refrains once the stranger begins speaking again. The mention of chocolate covered strawberries is too enticing for Maya to ignore. She nods, her smile never faltering. “I will absolutely wait with you. I can never say no to anything chocolate covered. There’s a small café across the street, would you like to sit there? Or we can sit out on the curb like in the movies.” Laughter weaves through her words as she speaks.

[mayahirsch]

arin young. 

valentine’s day ;  the whole thing reminded arin of cheap candy,  the kind that left a waxy film in your mouth,  the kind that never tasted as good as you thought it had as a kid.

she’d kept the handful of valentine’s she’d gotten in public school,  back when everyone was obligated to hand them out.  at some point around the time it had become a romantic holiday to her,  more than just cartoon hearts,  paper lace,  and red glitter-glue,  she’d started to sour on it.

or maybe that had all started during the years with carrie.  either way,  she was an admitted scrooge about the whole thing,  which meant she hadn’t been good company all day,  much as it wasn’t fair to anyone else.  she’d tried to get out of her head and ended up meandering through the aisles at joanne’s petals.

she’d sneered at the couples,  the guys in their forties,  the teenage lovers with obvious puppy-dog love,  and finally ended up leaving with a small cactus in a paper bag.  the cashier had raised an eyebrow at the purchase,  but hadn’t said anything,  which was probably better for both of them.

almost as soon as she’d left she nearly ran into maya,  and her sulky mood drifted away when she was handed a rose.  she twirled the flower between her fingers,  a grin spreading across her face.

“ thanks, ” she said, before pausing. “ looks like you got more into the spirit of this whole thing than me. ” she opened the bag so maya could see her spiky purchase.

There were times where Maya wished that love wasn’t so foreign to her. She wishes she didn’t feel the need to treat the prospect of love like a rotten piece of fruit. Sure, it looks enticing with all its squishy bits, and Maya does feel the need to poke a finger into it, but she never does. No, Maya just tosses it into the garbage where she believes it belongs. Some websites and gurus with better skin than her might suggest composting. What was the compost equivalent when it came to love? She wasn’t entirely sure. Perhaps she should have known by now, fully grown and alone.

By some miracle, Arin pries Maya right out of her intrusive stream of thoughts, sending her plummeting back to Earth. Her smiles grows at the sight of her, happy to see that she’s accepted the offered rose. Maybe this was what she needed, companionship. 

“Eh, I wouldn’t go that far. I’m forcing it which isn’t working too bad, thankfully. I’ll let you know if I pop like a balloon, though.” The brunette replies with a chuckle, her shoulders shrugging. Her dark eyes cast downward, zeroing in on the prickly cactus settled inside Arin’s shopping bag. She can’t help the cartoony squeak-laugh that escapes her. “That’s like, kinda hardcore.” The older woman muses, her brows quirking upwards in amusement. “You need to start a band called Cactus Valentine or something now. It’s written in the stars, kid.” Maya looks to the front of the shop before nodding to across the street, signaling for Arin to follow her lead. “We better get away from all these lovebirds before we catch what they’re carrying.”

[mayahirsch]

eleanor cai. 

Solar panels gathered their energy from the sun’s rays, only when they were visible though, not in the clouds. That was how Ella felt about Maya. The insecurities and the clear groveling (in her own words) powered her up. Gave her confidence unknown boost. Why else would someone grovel if they weren’t intimidated by you? 

“No, not really. Festivals have quite a lot going on, and events where there’s a clear focus, a clear reason that you’re there, those are more my speed.” Galas where she got to schmooze and network. Trades shows where she got to speak to other artists about their wares. Not this. “Lovely. I’m glad that you’re not.” Sweat, the best conversation topic. “It’s different than London, than New York, but I’m coming around to it.”

Perhaps pain and jealousy was all Maya’s ever known. In truth, she’s grown comfortable within these feelings, as well as groveling. She couldn’t quite picture herself free from those emotions despite them bringing her pain. And maybe that’s what keeps her coming back to Eleanor. She’s found comfort in the way most martyrs do while in her presence. 

Still, she listens and smiles, her expression soon softening. “So, you like controlled environments?” Maya asks, eyebrows quirking upwards just a tad. “I can understand that. I think events like this are good in small bursts, you know? At least that’s how I’ve always felt. It’s like, I come into them okay and end up leaving with a broken social battery.” She continues with a chuckle. “Why’d you decide to move here of all places? If you don’t mind me asking, of course...”

[mayahirsch]

jacob hartland. 

Jake would be lying if he had said that he was hoping to be done with his shift at the medical tent by the end of the night. Sure, things had been fairly busy during the day, but with nightfall came the fireworks show and an inflow of patients who suffered from noise sensitivity, and even PTSD. So, instead of closing up shop for the night while his fellow medics from the morning shift got ready to go home, he still remained in the tent to assist anyone who might have needed it.

He had seen enough of the Parton Festival in his teens, so he didn’t feel like he was missing out on much. When the other approached him, he just smiled at her in response to her words. “I did take a break every few hours throughout the day, to grab some food and use the restroom. Most of our medics signed up to work in shifts, but I signed up to be here the entire day, and night. The fireworks show usually brings a lot of people out to the tent, looking for shelter. I couldn’t exactly leave.” For someone who prided on his ‘work hard, play hard’ mentality, he sure hadn’t followed through with that at this festival.

“How about you though? Did you enjoy the festival” He asked his patient with a warm smile.

As Jacob speaks, Maya listens intently and nods along, a look of empathy gracing her expression as he mentions those who fled from the firework show. Perhaps that was inevitable, even Maya weaved her way out of the growing crowd a little bit after the fireworks started. Though, that was because her mother called, but that was a conversation for another time. “God, well, that stinks. I hope everyone who had to endure the fireworks that way is okay now.” She chuckles a little, the sound bittersweet. “I have a dog in my neighborhood that barks so loud every year during New Year’s and the 4th of July because of the fireworks. I always feel so bad for the poor thing and the owners.” Thankfully, Maya’s dog didn’t exactly mind the fireworks. Penny just wraps herself in Maya’s arms and watches TV with her on those days. “You’re doin’ a great job, by the way.” Maya says then, leaning over to touch the doctor’s arm. 

Maya moves to sit, removing her backpack from her shoulder before resting it on the grass near her feet. “I’ve been having fun, actually, which shocked me. I thought I would be home by now but I got caught up in the festivities.” She says with another laugh, looking over to him once more. “Though, I just got a call that I wasn’t expecting earlier tonight, so now I’m trying to find a quiet spot in my brain so I don’t ruin my whole evening.”

[mayahirsch]

starter for : anyone / open. tagging : @voicenotesstarters​. location + time : joanne’s petals, early afternoon.

In truth, Maya was the kind of person who claims she’s not a fan of flowers. But she secretly was and hopelessly so. Even though she prefers chocolates, she still adores the prospect of giving or receiving flowers. She had been stood outside of Joanne’s Petals for a while now, holding onto her already paid for bouquet while browsing. Since it was Valentine’s Day, the place was decently packed with people picking out what flowers to get for their lovers or loved ones. It was a sweet sight, really. By some miracle, it doesn’t make Maya feel lonely in the way she assumes it would. Perhaps she’s finally growing up. 

With that, she plucks a bright red rose from her batch of flowers, handing it to the person at her side. “Here,” The brunette starts, holding it out for them, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

[mayahirsch]

starter for : @maisiecarver​. location : poppy’s grocery store.

There were times where Maya felt a strange sense of nostalgia. It was neither good or bad. It was a little like mourning a loss but you’re just at the end of it, celebrating what once was. This feeling came in waves, mostly after nights where she began to dwell on the events of her life. In truth, she usually kept this feeling to herself, in fear that nobody would really understand it. A simple answer to cure this feeling would be to call a parent or another family member. But, for Maya, that wasn’t exactly an option worth exploring, especially since most of her family were drenched in irreversibly toxicity. 

So, here she was in the cereal aisle, trying to decide if she wanted Fruit Loops or Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Both made her miss being a child and eating out of this brightly colored bowls that had matching spoons. Maybe she needed to reconnect with her inner child, perhaps that was an answer outside of reaching out to family. And, with that, Maya tosses both boxes into her cart. When she moves to wheel her cart further, she collides with someone with the front of it. “Oh God, sorry.” She stammers out, brows furrowed. Her eyes cast forward, looking to who she’s just barely hit. A new feeling washes over her at the sight of Maisie and it can only be recognized as instant nervousness. She looks to her ex for a few more seconds, feeling her nerves increase. “Sorry, I didn’t see you. Are, um, are you okay?”

[mayahirsch]

sage carson. 

“A high school reunion sounds like a nightmare.” Sage comments, making a face. Truthfully, she’d enjoyed her time in high school – Mostly thanks to Bea, Alex, and the cheer squad – but she wasn’t naïve enough to believe that a reunion would be anything less than a chance for her former classmates to try and one up each other. Getting caught in the whirlwind of it sounds like hell, especially when she can already picture the looks they’d give – Pity the poor divorcee who spent years being cheated on and ran home with her tail between her legs. So much for Most Likely to Succeed, she thinks. “I think I’d get through a whole carton if I went to mine.” The words are accompanied by a laugh, though she isn’t kidding. Though, Maya calling her little brother a twerp pulls a smile from Sage, the word alone calls for laughter. “Hell yeah,” She eggs Maya on, taking a sip of her beer after. If there’s anything she knows how to do – It’s rile up her friends. “The little twerp is gonna have to read all about it tomorrow.” Sage points out, unable to stifle the laugh that once again comes with the word. “That’s his own damn fault. What a dumbass.” 

Sage shrugs in agreement in regards to the Mayor – He was good looking, in a silver fox kind of way. “Once it started looking more like an episode of The Bachelor. I knew that was my cue  to leave.” She cringes at the thought, though it’s all in good fun. It was a better alternative than some of her teammates pass times – At least no one was starting a fight. “They look like real life Ken and Barbie,” she teases, laughing at her own joke. “Somehow I think it adds to their charm.” The lightness of their conversation comes to a screeching fault with one word – Alex. It’s hard not to let it read all over her face just how much the shift in gears pulls a reaction from her. Sage knows that Maya knows about her history with the man in question – Though she’s grateful her friend has never pushed the subject or really brought it up. It still feels strange that there are other people who know about the summer she and Alex spent together, and the mess that came after. It’s something that feels personal, like it should be tucked behind her bedroom door. Not because she wants to keep it secret – But the love she held (holds) for him feels sacred, too important to just be made into casual gossip between friends or turned into a conversation filler. For her, at least, the subject leaves her feeling like she’s exposed – Like she’s naked in front of a crowd and can’t hide the way the bruises still hurt even a decade later. “I –” She starts, pausing for a moment too long – Outing the emotions that have bubbled back to the surface without saying a word. “I saw him earlier, yeah.” Chill out, Sage. She tells herself, knowing it’d be too obvious if she went reaching for the pack of cigarettes in her purse. “He came by the bake sale, uh – Looking for Bea. Got me instead.”  

Watching Sage talk about Alex was like watching a documentary about what loss does to a person. Sometimes loss could be someone’s best kept secret, especially when love was involved. Eventually it becomes withered and inevitably tossed on a shelf to collect dust along with the rest of your forgotten emotions. Perhaps it was childish, but she refuses to let what Alex and Sage had collect dust. Even if she was meant to know nothing of what they had. In truth, there were times where she wishes she didn’t. Mostly because all she could do was revert back to the memory of Sage’s wedding. They shared a brief moment, one where Sage unleashed a vulnerable unspoken truth, and it pained Maya. It pained her to see Sage that way, especially on what was meant to be the happiest day of her life.

The memory comes back to Maya in this moment, as she can see a similar look in Sage’s eyes that mirrored the one she held that day. She couldn’t even continue to joke about Mayor Parton and his fabulous wife because it’s all she can recognize. There’s a glint of sorrow paired with a kind of reluctance that was caged like a wounded bird. Even so, Maya still doesn’t push the subject. 

“Oh, really?” The brunette questions nonchalantly, her head canting to the side. “Damn. Bummer. I’ve been looking for him everywhere.” She swats the air, “I’ll find him eventually. I’m glad you two talked, though. I miss when we all used to hang out.” This was actually sincere and not some metaphorical shovel that was meant to dig into the grave of Alex and Sage. “You know what,” Maya begins then, turning to her friend fully. “Let’s go get a drink and smoke in the smokers area. For fun. It’s a celebration after all, right?”

[mayahirsch]

jay morss. 

Yeah, aggravated love was the only kind he knew, too. He bumped her shoulder with his, just to say that he understood. That he both understood and hoped that wasn’t all there was to love. The thought that there was nothing more to it, nothing better, was one of the things that truly scared him. He wasn’t an optimistic person by nature, but the hope for more was one of the few things that kept him going. Love couldn’t just be aggravation and anger, upset. He had to believe that, for his own sake.

It was scary, either way: being vulnerable or being disappointed. It was why he kept people so far away. He liked Maya and cared about her more than he cared about anyone other than his children. But did he trust her? She hadn’t given him any reasons not to, but neither had Annie, until she did. And it was in his best interest not to risk it.

But he did like her, even when she pulled his wallet out of his hand, taking it upon herself to pay the kid at the cash register. He took the offered change and stuffed it into the tip jar before he grabbed his wallet back. “I’m gonna have to keep my eyes on you, huh?” He asked, ever playfully wagging his finger at her.

Jay lifted the cone to Maya, like he was offering a toast with a glass of champagne. “To ignoring the inevitable doom of existence.” There was no one he would rather go on that journey with, no matter what. They make it a few feet in comfortable silence, before Logan spotted a couple of his friends, waving him over to a picnic table. After making sure he had his phone and knew to text if he had any problems - Logan knew the drill, always did, but humored Jay regardless - the kid ran off, leaving the lame adults to themselves. Looked like it was just the two of them for those fireworks.

“Hey,” he said, eventually, trying to catch Maya’s attention as they wandered their way through the festival crowds. “You’re a good person. You know that?” While he might be a little bit biased, what with all their middle of the night feasts, and he would never call himself a great judge of character, Maya was a good person. Welcoming and kind, fun and understanding. He always got the impression she didn’t quite think of herself that way, so Jay took it upon himself to let her know, yeah, she was a good one. “One of these days, someone on that app of yours,” he gestured to her, somewhere in the direction of her phone, “is gonna realize how damn lucky they are. Anyone would be, to have you.”

Something to know about Maya Hirsch was that she was comfortable being a martyr, even if it pained her. Pain was her comfort zone, sorrow was the backbone of what made her who she was. It was at the core of all her talents too. She couldn’t write without pain, she couldn’t spill her guts in the form of words without being the victim. So, she clings. She clings to all of her bad habits, to all the people who made her feel like shit, to her parents who loved her the wrong way, and to all the rotten things that lived inside her.

But her heart was good. Muddled and bruised, but good. It must be if someone like Jay understood her and her deepest tribulations. Because he was the kind of man she admired. He was the kind of man her mother wished she’d bring home for Hanukkah. And with that, she feels stunned by what he sees. She had been walking before him, happily eating her ice cream when he caught her attention, earning her head to whip around to face him once more. People were beginning to gather for the firework show and Maya scans their surroundings, she briefly catches sight of Logan in the distance, wandering toward what she assumes is another group around his age. But she could be wrong. She wishes he stayed, perhaps the teenage might be able to weather the storm of her sudden plethora of emotions by being humorous and ridiculous. Much to Maya’s dismay, she’s left to her own devices.

At first, she laughs, her head shaking. “I thought we were done with the sappy stuff.” Maya replies, though there’s a hint of reluctance making a home in her expression. A bittersweet laugh escapes from her and, within the sound, she could feel a tennis ball sized lump forming in her throat. Abort mission, she thinks to herself. “That, um,” Maya begins, motioning with her free hand. She attempts to muster the right words. Her dark eyes avert away from him, focusing on the growing crowd. It’s not that he says the wrong thing, it’s that he says the right thing. Maya’s sudden bubble of comfort is popped like a balloon. “I have to go. I actually have to, uh, meet somebody.” A lackluster excuse, yes, but it’s all she’s got. “Sorry. I’ll see you guys later, okay?”

[jennyslcte]

Jenny Slate as Emma  I WANT YOU BACK (2022)